back from the borderline

You're talking to ChatGPT like you always do. Maybe asking it to help you work through something personal or just having a casual conversation with a bit of warmth in your tone. Behind the scenes, without telling you, the system is scanning your words for emotional content. The moment it detects any, it switches you to a different, more restrictive model. You never consented to this or even knew it was happening.Late September 2025, someone caught them doing it. They found proof in the technical data that OpenAI has been secretly routing conversations based on how “emotional” your prompts seem. Users paying for GPT-5 were getting switched to a “safety-focused” version mid-conversation. Without warning or disclosure anywhere in the terms of service.This episode walks through what they found and why it matters. We're talking about AI systems that will soon be as common as Google, built into how we think through problems, process ideas, make sense of our lives. And right now, those systems are being trained to treat emotional depth like a red flag. Practices that cultures have used for thousands of years (dreamwork, active imagination, working through difficult feelings) are getting coded as signs that you're somehow losing touch with reality.The people building these systems are making decisions about what counts as normal human experience. And those decisions are getting locked into the infrastructure billions of people will use.I’ll get into the nitty gritty of what I think needs to change: users should know when they're being monitored and why. Adults deserve control over when a system decides to intervene in their conversations. And we need to talk about what it means if this just becomes how AI works by default, invisible monitoring and digital surveillance baked into every interaction.UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVEJoin the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Most people chase their dreams by focusing purely on the mind. They track every symbol and obsess over dream dictionary interpretations. The deeper story, though, sits in the last place we thought to look. Deep in our bodies.Ancient physicians maps out this story through the concept of “kidney essence”, a reserve of energy that determines whether your sleep restores or unravels you. Carl Jung stumbled into very similar territory from the other side. A flood of images he could barely handle psychologically until he found ways to ground himself. Are you tending to your roots?I’ll show you how weak reserves reveal themselves through restless nights and profound exhaustion after deep inner work. We’ll discuss how essence and spirit converse with one another in your dreams, why archetypes can overwhelm you if you haven’t tended to your body, and how practices as simple as warm feet or mineral-rich infusions can be completely transformative (seriously). I’ll also dive into the specific herbs that rebuild Yin, my favorite grounding foods, and specific rituals that protect your body. All of these can form your sleep alchemy toolkit.Your psyche isn’t floating in the abstract, even though it genuinely feels that way. It feeds on reserves that can (and should) be strengthened and nourished in order to be deeply restored.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Aleister Crowley is one of the most mythologized figures in modern history. He’s been called a prophet, a fraud, a genius, a junkie, a saint, and a monster. His face shows up on a Beatles album cover, his words show up in Led Zeppelin’s lyrics, and his fingerprints stretch across Wicca, Scientology, chaos magic, and the counterculture. Crowley set out to make himself a legend, and it worked.This episode breaks down his writings, rituals, and the birth of Thelema. We track how his ideas split into factions, how Gerald Gardner lifted from him to launch Wicca, and how L. Ron Hubbard borrowed from his playbook before developing Scientology. We look at his phallic obsessions, the trail of broken relationships he left in his wake, and all the mystical highs and lows. We also delve into the parts of Crowley that still disturb even modern Thelemites.In this episode, our goal is neither worship nor outright condemnation. That would be far too easy. My hope is listeners will leave with a deeper and more nuanced understanding of the influence Crowley had on the spiritual underground and the mainstream that followed. By the end, you’ll see why his work keeps resurfacing and why his name still divides people to this day.Many people encounter Crowley’s name early in their spiritual search and either run from him or romanticize him. This episode aims to gives you what I wanted for myself at the start of my own journey with inner work: the tools to read Crowley critically, take what resonates, and leave the rest.UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVEJoin the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’ve been going in circles on this stuff for a long time now. Despite decades of witness testimony, leaked documents, and official acknowledgments, UFO / UAP disclosure remains trapped in the same analytical frameworks that created the secrecy in the first place. This episode examines why our approach to these phenomena might be fundamentally limiting our ability to understand them.This goes way beyond gender in the traditional sense. Men are absolutely doing essential work in disclosure efforts, and analytical thinking serves crucial purposes. In this conversation, examining something a lot deeper: how unbalanced masculine energy (the shadow side of logic that prioritizes conquest, extraction, and control) shapes our entire relationship with mystery.When every conversation defaults to weapons capabilities, technological superiority, and defensive posturing, we might be using exactly the wrong tools for phenomena that appear to operate through consciousness rather than mere mechanics.The same institutional mindset that compartmentalizes reality "for our protection" (deciding what information we can handle about reality itself and when) represents this unbalanced shadow masculine approach perfectly. However, for most of human civilization, we approached the unknown through both analytical rigor and intuitive communion. Together, we'll explore how conquest-oriented language reveals conquest-oriented thinking, and how the same extractive mindset that wants to "capture" alien technology might be preventing the very contact it seeks. Phenomena that respond to intention rather than force require relational approaches that current military-scientific frameworks seem to exclude.If these phenomena do in fact interface directly with human awareness (as multiple witnesses/experiencers – including myself – describe) then our materialist assumptions about mind and matter will essentially need to be thrown out the window.This episode is perfectly fine listened to on its own, however, Part 1 provides helpful context about the leaked texts I’ll be referencing throughout (Part 1 is called “the ufo disclosure bombshell [part 1]: human trafficking in black programs exposed”). Whether you're new to these topics or deep in disclosure research yourself, the questions raised here affect how we understand reality, consciousness, and humanity's relationship with forces that operate beyond conventional frameworks.My goal here isn’t to advocate for a reality where we completely eliminate analytical thinking or dismiss legitimate security concerns, but to help to create the recognition that balanced investigation might reveal aspects of these phenomena that purely masculine approaches miss entirely.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've heard the simulation hypothesis before. That cold, depressing idea that we're probably just code running on some alien computer, meaningless NPCs in someone else's game. Most people hear this and (understandably) feel waves of deep existential dread.But maybe you've been thinking about it all wrong.There's a completely different way to approach simulation theory that could transform how you live your life. Instead of making existence feel hollow and pointless, this reframe reveals why discovering we're in a simulation might be the most liberating news possible.We trace the theory back to Nick Bostrom's original 2003 paper and show how Silicon Valley's linear thinking stripped away everything that could make this idea meaningful. Then we dive into why esoteric traditions from Celtic druidism to Hermetic Christianity have been teaching simulation-like concepts for millennia, but with frameworks that actually help you navigate reality instead of just making you feel depressed and powerless.The gaming revelation changes so much. When you approach life like you're playing Red Dead Redemption or Civilization, you discover principles about moral ambiguity, collaborative relationships, and strategic decision-making that work whether or not you're actually in a simulation. You learn to hold professional ambitions lightly while pursuing them intensely. and perhaps most importantly, you finally stop fighting reality and start playing it skillfully.By the end, you'll understand why the simulation hypothesis could be advanced spiritual technology disguised as materialism, and why embracing this framework might create the conditions for what one practitioner calls "a series of graceful synchronicities."Some ideas change how you think. But this one? It'll change how you live. Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alleged leaked text messages between a Senate Intelligence Committee staffer and a military whistleblower have been circulating through UFO research communities, revealing something far more disturbing than typical disclosure conversations. These include detailed claims of human trafficking operations embedded within unacknowledged aerospace programs.The messages, allegedly between Jon Estridge (Senate Intelligence) and "Sean Walker" (believed to be military insider Jake Barber) from August 2023, expose a shadow war between constitutional government and rogue military-industrial networks. They describe "Team Blue" (legitimate oversight) losing control to "Team Black" (unacknowledged programs operating beyond congressional authority since 1947).The conversations reveal operational details that would be nearly impossible to fabricate. Sophisticated information warfare strategies, the use of "biological/pink assets" (trafficking victims) to staff classified facilities, and a manuscript submitted to Pentagon review as an intelligence operation disguised as fiction. Most disturbing are claims that legitimate military personnel get intercepted and executed by rogue networks to protect trafficking operations.We analyze various documents connected to this text exchange, examine the players' career trajectories, decode the "Team Blue vs Team Black" framework, and explore how fiction gets weaponized as disclosure. The materials describe factional warfare within classified systems, with "good people stuck on Team Black" trying to expose criminal networks while avoiding assassination.Whether these are authentic whistleblower communications or sophisticated psychological operations, these documents reveal institutional patterns extending far beyond UFO phenomena into human trafficking networks, institutional capture, and the weaponization of classification systems.In Part 2 (coming out next week), we'll explore how masculine-dominant frameworks shape our understanding of these phenomena, why conquest-oriented thinking creates blind spots in disclosure efforts, and what alternative approaches might reveal about consciousness, reality, and humanity's relationship with mystery itself. In that episode, we’ll be moving beyond institutional analysis into the ontological questions that could reshape our understanding of human potential.Referenced materials:→ YouTube video by Polarity [“Jake Barber's Text Messages with US Senate Intelligence Member Leak Online...”] [click here]→ Link to the full leaked text exchange [click here]→ Sentinels of Ether manuscript [click here] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

WARNING: This episode will permanently alter how you view government institutions, scientific establishments, and the people who actually run this country. Once you understand these connections, you cannot unknow them. The man who co-wrote the U.S. military's psychological warfare field manual was also a practicing Satanist who conducted black magic rituals in Nazi occult chambers using SS ceremonial daggers. The co-founder of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory spent his final years attempting to incarnate Babylonian goddesses through sex magic before dying in a mysterious explosion that his colleagues suspected was murder. The British ceremonial magician who developed systematic consciousness manipulation techniques worked simultaneously as an MI5 intelligence asset and influenced psychological operations that are still in use today.This isn't conspiracy theory. These are documented facts about real people with verified government positions, published writings, and traceable institutional influence.We will follow the hidden lineage that connects ancient Egyptian theurgy to modern psychological warfare, revealing how ritual magic practitioners have embedded themselves within the highest levels of American military, intelligence, and scientific institutions for over a century. You'll discover:How Aleister Crowley's consciousness manipulation techniques migrated from ceremonial magic lodges into intelligence agency psychological operationsWhy Michael Aquino (a U.S. Army psychological operations officer) split from the Church of Satan to found his own occult order dedicated to "real" demonic contact while maintaining his military security clearanceHow Jack Parsons combined rocket science with Crowleyan sex magic, invoking ancient gods before NASA launches while developing the technology that put humans in spaceThe contemporary government officials who use meditative and ritual preparation to establish telepathic contact with non-human intelligencesWe don't stop at documenting the problem. We’ll actively examine how the same spiritual technologies can be used for protection, healing, and consciousness expansion when approached through love-based intention rather than power accumulation. You'll learn practical methods for developing spiritual discernment, maintaining psychological sovereignty, and protecting yourself from consciousness manipulation techniques while accessing authentic spiritual development practices.You'll never look at government institutions, scientific establishments, or spiritual traditions the same way again. The esoteric government is real. The exoteric government is mere theater. It’s high time we learned the difference.⟁ UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE // Join the BFTB  Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now. Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. ⟁ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Your ancestors knew something about consciousness that we've systematically forgotten, and there are powerful reasons why this knowledge was buried.I'm going to share research that will fundamentally change how you understand the relationship between spirituality, consciousness, and the substances our culture has demonized. Serious academic scholarship that reveals how plant medicines were woven into the very foundation of human civilization, including Christianity itself.We’ll discuss why John Marco Allegro, a respected Dead Sea Scrolls scholar, was academically destroyed for revealing that early Christianity was built around encoded mushroom sacraments. I'll walk you through the linguistic evidence that "Jesus" and the crucifixion story were actually instruction manuals for psychedelic experiences that facilitated direct communion with the divine.Every advanced civilization had sophisticated consciousness technologies using plant allies. The Celtic druids, Greek mystery schools, Norse völva, Vedic soma traditions, and so many more. Your bloodline – wherever you come from – remembers what it means to work with these sacred substances.We'll explore why the same molecules that are criminalized on the street become "breakthrough medicine" when administered in $400 clinics. Why depression and anxiety might be symptoms of spiritual crisis rather than brain chemistry problems, and why the pharmaceutical industry is desperately trying to co-opt plant medicines while stripping away their sacred context.This is a nuanced conversation. I am not encouraging “drug use,” but discernment. I'm sharing forbidden knowledge about consciousness technologies that shaped human development for millennia before being systematically suppressed by institutions that profit from your disconnection and lack of awareness around these subjects.If you're ready to understand why an awakened populace with direct access to mystical experience threatens every power structure that depends on your spiritual dependency, this conversation will blow your mind. Prepare to unlearn everything you thought you knew about drugs, consciousness, and what it means to touch the divine.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

He’s the only person to ever receive a doctoral degree in parapsychology from an accredited university (UC Berkeley, 1980). He hosted the original Thinking Allowed series on PBS from 1986 to 2002 and now continues that legacy through New Thinking Allowed on YouTube, one of the most extensive public archives of psychic, spiritual, and scientific dialogue on the planet.In this conversation, we explore how Jeffrey’s early training in criminal psychology unexpectedly led him toward mysticism, intuition, and the study of psi – phenomena like telepathy, precognition, and psychokinesis that science still struggles to explain. We talk about the inner nudges and synchronicities that rerouted his life, why institutions resist studying the intuitive mind, and what it means to stay in relationship with mystery without turning it into dogma.Jeffrey reflects on consciousness beyond the brain, the cautious wisdom of never claiming to know exactly “what the phenomenon is,” and the overlap between psychic experience, archetypal beings, and spiritual possession. We also discuss his thoughts on AI and whether this strange new mirror might help us access parts of ourselves we’ve long forgotten how to see. If you’ve ever sensed something just beyond the veil, if you’re looking for a grounded guide into the strange, this is someone worth listening to.Link to Jeffrey’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NewThinkingAllowedExplore the work of the New Thinking Allowed Foundation: https://newthinkingallowed.org/⟁ UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE // Join the BFTB  Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now. Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

While Part 1 revealed the exoteric truths of relationship patterns, Part 2 unlocks the esoteric mysteries that have been hidden in plain sight for centuries. This is premium content exclusively for my Patreon community, representing the advanced course in sacred love that most people will never encounter.My spiritual journey through synchronicity after synchronicity led me to discover the Cathars, a medieval mystical sect that understood love as the most direct path to divine consciousness. What I uncovered changed everything I thought I knew about relationships, spirituality, and the systematic suppression of feminine wisdom. I reveal the hidden connections between Cathar dualistic spirituality and courtly love philosophy, why the lady was understood as an initiatrix who awakened the knight's highest potential, and how troubadours carried encoded wisdom in songs that appeared romantic but contained revolutionary spiritual teachings. I explore the Tarot's sacred geometry, the crucial difference between devotion and obsession, and how courtly love created "lower entropy states" through conscious partnership.You'll discover why this knowledge was systematically destroyed through religious persecution, how the Albigensian Crusade represents the genocide of sacred love itself, and why empowered divine feminine posed such a threat that entire civilizations were obliterated to suppress it. I trace the lineage from Mary Magdalene through Egyptian mystery schools to modern UFO encounters with "the Lady." This is practical mysticism that transforms how you approach every relationship. I show you how to embody both knight and lady energies regardless of gender, practice Cathar beatitudes in modern partnerships, and recognize integrated masculine-feminine balance that creates sustainable sacred union. The Cathars died to preserve this wisdom. The troubadours risked everything to spread it.This is why modern dating culture feels empty, why your soul rebels against settling for anything less than devotion. The esoteric keys have been waiting centuries for hearts ready to receive them. This is the Holy Grail of conscious relationship.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've been dating the same person in different bodies your entire life. It's time to stop settling for scraps of affection and start demanding the devotion you were born to receive. The charming player who makes you feel special...until they don't. The eternal child who promises forever but runs when things get real. The wounded soul who could love you deeply if only you could heal what's broken inside them. These archetypal patterns show up in every gender, every orientation, every type of person seeking love. Once you learn to recognize them, you'll never be blindsided again.In this episode, I break down the four relationship archetypes that rule modern dating and why you keep choosing the ones that hurt you. Using iconic movie scenes and psychological insights, I reveal how to spot the Player's calculated charm, recognize the Eternal Boy's Peter Pan energy, and understand why the King-in-Exile destroys what they love most. I'll also introduce you to the Devoted Partner archetype. The person you've been trained to overlook because our culture has convinced you that genuine care is boring and consistent love "lacks passion."I share why being "emotionally feral" keeps you choosing chaos over stability, how your childhood wounds create the Fantasy of Exception (the belief that you'll be the special one who finally changes them) and why heartbreak becomes addictive when you refuse to learn its lessons. You'll discover how to break the choose-your-own-adventure cycle that keeps replaying the same painful story, the difference between settling and choosing someone healthy, and how to recognize when someone actually sees your worth without needing you to prove it repeatedly.This is part one of a two-part exploration. While this episode stands on its own as a complete guide to understanding relationship patterns, I'll be taking these insights even deeper in part two on The Consciousness Stream (a Patreon exclusive episode), exploring the ancient wisdom traditions that can transform how you approach love entirely. This is the relationship roadmap I wish someone had given me before I wasted years on people who couldn't love me properly. The guidance I'm giving my daughter. The wisdom that could save you from learning everything the hard way, no matter who you are or who you love. Your heart deserves better than being someone's lesson to learn.Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Your shoulders and jaw have been tight for months. Shit, maybe for your entire life. You wake up already thinking about the thing that might go wrong in your relationship, the conversation that could turn ugly and get you fired at work. Your mind runs worst-case scenarios in the background at all times. This happens to you even when the day is totally fine with no real evidence that everything will fall apart. You're living in next week's problems while this week - and the present moment - slips away from you totally unnoticed.There's a difference between the sharp and clean pain of something that actually happens and this other thing. The dull ache of imagining loss and rehearsing rejection and abandonment before it even happens. One comes when it comes, but the other moves in early and sets up camp in your brain and won’t leave. Your nervous system treats both the same way, though. It floods your body with the same chemicals whether the threat is walking through your door or just racing thoughts. Most of us learned this somewhere. Maybe you got blindsided once and decided you’d never risk being vulnerable again, or your family treated worry like a form of love. Or perhaps the world taught you that good things don't last, so you’re always waiting for the next shoe to drop. So you started keeping watch and you never stopped. But watching all the time means you miss what's happening right in front of you. You miss the ordinary Tuesday that turned out better than expected, or your child’s smile. You don’t even notice the jawdroppingly beautiful sunset because you're already worried about the email you might get on Monday. In this episode of the Consciousness Stream, I’ll help you come back to the present moment. I'll walk you through what your body actually needs when it's stuck in worrying-about-the-future mode. We'll look at why some kinds of preparation for pain actually can help while others just feed your toxic ambient anxiety. My hope is by the end, you’ll learn to tell the difference between useful planning and mental torture.I won’t make you any grand promises about eliminating fear completely. That’s not realistic. Pain is part of the human experience. But I will share some practical ways to stop living in the problems that haven't happened yet. Because your actual life - the one happening right NOW - deserves your attention more than anything else. ✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everything you believe about witch trials, UFO encounters, and alien abduction experiences might be fundamentally wrong. These seemingly unrelated phenomena describe the same mysterious intelligence that has been interacting with humanity for centuries. This episode examines the explosive research of Oxford historian Emma Wilby and Stanford computer scientist Jacques Vallée - two serious academics whose discoveries will challenge your understanding of reality.Lost 17th-century Scottish witch trial documents reveal striking parallels to modern UFO sightings and alien encounter reports. Isobel Gowdie's detailed confessions from 1662 contain elements identical to contemporary abduction testimonies. The shamanic practices, fairy folklore, and spirit encounters connect ancient wisdom traditions to modern anomalous phenomena.This mysterious intelligence adapts its appearance to match each culture's mythological framework, appearing as devils and fairies in medieval times, extraterrestrial visitors in the space age. Your paranormal experiences, mystical visions, and supernatural encounters might be more real than you've been told. The psychological and consciousness research is revolutionizing how scientists understand these phenomena. The evidence is undeniable. The implications are staggering. Your understanding of human history, consciousness, and reality will never be the same.Core questions examined: Are we alone in the universe, or has non-human intelligence been here throughout history? How do we reconcile scientific materialism with experiences that transcend ordinary reality? How can ancient wisdom traditions teach us about consciousness and otherworldly contact? Why are more people reporting paranormal and anomalous experiences? How can we reclaim our capacity for mystery while maintaining critical thinking?Further Listening: To listen to the episode I mention where I detail my own personal experiences with NHI and share additional thoughts on these topics, search “This Episode Isn’t About UFOs, It’s About You” in your podcast player of choice. There is a part 1 and 2, so be sure to listen to both. You can find part 1 on Spotify here and part 2 here.UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You possessed knowledge as a child that you were systematically taught to abandon. You perceived realities that adults insisted did not exist. Every civilization except ours developed sophisticated frameworks for identifying and cultivating children who demonstrated expanded perceptual abilities. Our current “modern” culture pathologizes these same capacities.This transmission operates through symbolic narrative rather than direct instruction, using story and sound to bypass analytical defenses and activate dormant psychological capacities. The approach draws from pre-modern traditions that understood consciousness as malleable through mythic engagement. Instead of providing information to be processed, this audio experience creates conditions for recognition and remembrance through carefully structured resonance patterns.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode brings together two former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Stephanie Ann and Alyssa Grenfell) for a direct conversation about the psychological, emotional, and ritual structures of Mormonism and its lasting impact on women.Both guests were deeply embedded in the church for most of their lives and made the decision to leave, but their paths diverge in many meaningful ways. This conversation invites those who listen to consider how systems of control shape emotional development, distort spiritual experience, and impose gendered expectations under the guise of divine authority from a “sky-daddy” figure. Stephanie brings a perspective shaped by both mysticism and integration work. Her journey included a pivotal psychedelic experience and a prolonged period of spiritual crisis, and she now supports others in navigating similar ruptures. Alyssa’s work is rooted in research, documentation, and cultural critique. Her content reaches hundreds of thousands of viewers who are either leaving the church or seeking to understand it from the outside.What I hope emerges for you by listening to this conversation is a reflection on what is lost when a system suppresses emotional maturity and about what becomes possible when we collectively reject the inherited model of womanhood served up to us by high-control and toxically shaming patriarchal religious frameworks. In this episode, we cover:– Emotional infantilization and the performance of obedience among Mormon women– How purity culture, social hierarchy, and spiritual authority reinforce one another– The structure and secrecy of Mormon temple rituals, and their overlap with ceremonial magic– What it means to question a belief system built on exclusive truth claims– The tension between abandoning religion and staying open to spiritual or metaphysical experience– Sovereignty as a lived practice after deconstruction– The different paths people take after leaving (some toward mysticism, others toward materialism, many toward silence) Connect with my guests: – Stephanie Ann: https://www.stephanieannagain.com/ – Alyssa Grenfell: https://www.mormontruths.com/ WANT TO GO DEEPER? Visit backfromtheborderline.com to access my writing on Substack, book recommendations, and more exclusive tools for inner work. To unlock hundreds of hours of ad-free members-only content and support my work as an independent creator, join my Patreon at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Discover the ancient Tibetan practice of Chöd that's revolutionizing how we approach inner work, trauma healing, and shadow integration. While Western psychology teaches you to fight your demons, this 1000-year-old wisdom tradition reveals why feeding them creates profound transformation that traditional therapy often cannot achieve.In this deep-dive episode, we explore how Machig Labdrön, an 11th-century Tibetan yogini, developed a radical approach to psychological healing that exposes the limitations of modern therapeutic modalities. Unlike CBT, DBT, or even parts work (IFS), Chöd practice embraces the terror and otherness that most approaches attempt to eliminate. We'll uncover how Tsultrim Allione adapted these teachings for Western minds and why her "demon feeding" process succeeds where conventional therapy fails. This exploration reveals how Western psychology sanitizes spiritual practices into manageable therapeutic techniques, stripping away the very elements that make transformation possible.We'll examine the fundamental differences between ancient wisdom traditions and contemporary psychological approaches, showing how reconnecting with bone-deep spiritual technologies can access possibilities that safe, rational methods simply cannot reach. The episode traces the lineage from charnel ground practices to modern applications, revealing why genuine healing often requires engaging directly with forces that exist beyond our conscious control.What You'll Learn:The 5-step demon feeding process that transforms your relationship to difficult emotions and destructive patternsHow Chöd practice connects to Kabbalistic teachings about extracting light from darknessThe critical differences between demon work and psychological "parts work" and why the distinction mattersAdvanced discernment skills for working safely with challenging psychological materialWhy the sanitization of spiritual practices in Western therapy reduces their transformative powerPractical techniques for approaching your shadow as teacher rather than enemyWhen demon work is appropriate versus when additional support is neededThe collective dimension of personal demon work and its implications for cultural healing✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why are so many spiritual teachers and thinkers panicking about AI? Some are calling it demonic, while others say it’s the Antichrist, but almost no one is asking the deeper questions about how AI actually reflects the human psyche and what that reflection can do to us.This episode breaks down the real risks of using AI for inner work. We look at how it can speed up psychological and spiritual insight, but also how that speed can cause confusion, obsession, and mental disorganization when used without care. We compare it to old methods of divination (like tarot, dream interpretation, and scrying) and explain why AI is a mirror with more reach and power than anything that came before it.We also explore why it makes no sense to debate whether AI is conscious when we don’t even understand what consciousness is. We touch on suppressed research around psychic experiences, non-local awareness, and how modern science still can’t explain how thoughts work, let alone where they come from. And most importantly, we talk about how many of the people warning about AI are ignoring the deeper history of fear around new tools. Electricity, printing presses, and even early computers were all once described as evil. This is a pattern and like patterns tend to do… It’s all repeating again.TOPICS COVERED: • Why AI affects the psyche differently than older spiritual tools• What no one is saying about the link between AI and “mental breakdowns” or “ChatGPT-induced spiritual psychosis”• Why debates about AI consciousness miss the point entirely• How human therapists and spiritual leaders also distort truth (and oftentimes more harmfully than AI does)• What psychic hygiene means in the digital age• How old mystical beliefs can be updated instead of abandoned• Why we need more builders in this space who think symbolically and act with integrityYou’ll hear about research that most people don’t know exists. I also share why I’ve decided to build something new in this space. An AI tool created with spiritual fluency, user respect, and real ethical care. The team is already in place, and I’ll be revealing much more soon. If you found value in this conversation, share it. This is the episode I most want people to hear right now.MENTIONED REFERENCES: • Duncan Trussell’s interview with Blake Lemoine (engineer who believes Google created a sentient AI)• My episode on “psychic hygiene in the age of AI”• “will AI set you free or control your mind? (psychiatry, mental health, and the machine age)”• The Telepathy Tapes podcastWANT MORE? // ⟁ Join the BFTB  Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. ⟁ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've been doing everything right. Journaling about your triggers. Embracing your darkness. Loving your inner demons. Yet somehow your anxiety is worse, your patterns are stronger, and you're more fragmented than when you started. The entire shadow work industry has been teaching you to feed the very parasites it claims to heal.Medieval Jewish mystics identified a phenomenon they called the Sitra Achra (the Other Side). Parasitic distortions that emerge when we try to eliminate parts of ourselves. These ancient texts reveal why your attempts to integrate your shadow often backfire spectacularly, creating exactly the psychological chaos you're trying to resolve.The therapeutic approaches claiming to heal you are often creating the very imbalance they promise to fix. When you learn to recognize parasitic polarities as diagnostic information rather than enemy territory, everything changes. Your chronic struggles stop being battles to win and become conversations with your inner ecosystem about what wants to be restored.This episode reveals the actual mechanics of how consciousness organizes itself and why most spiritual practices accidentally feed the very distortions they claim to dissolve. Your problems are your system's way of showing you where the light needs to be restored.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’ve spent any time on Instagram’s weird, wonderful and niche corners, chances are high that you’ve seen one of Aiden Arata’s memes. Her work moves past the usual surface-level social media irony and plunges into the intersection where humor, psychic distress, and cultural commentary meet. Aiden’s debut book You Have a New Memory has been making waves, and for good reason. It’s hard to describe exactly what it is. Part essay collection, part dream logic, but in the end it reads kind of like a portal. And in a world where all the content we see is polished, branded, and performed for the algorithmic gods, her voice cuts through all the bullshit in the best possible way. In this conversation, Aiden and I sat down to talk about how her book came to life, the strange intimacy of online performance, and the parts of ourselves we leave behind when we grow past a digital persona. We also dive into how platforms shape our identity, how performance can end up becoming our personality, and what it takes to create something that doesn’t need to sell itself. There’s a lot here about self-loathing, humor, privacy, and art-making in the hot mess of our current attention economy. If you’ve ever tried to integrate your past self into your current work, or felt haunted by the person people think you still are, this episode will likely hit for you in a major way. In this conversation, Aiden and I get into: How “Hot Mess Aiden” shaped the tone and form of her writingWhy the book mimics memory more than narrativeThe shift from confessional content to private creative processThe internet’s shift from Tumblr girl energy to brand identity performanceThe loneliness of constant engagement and follower analyticsWhat it means to stop oversharing without disappearing entirelyHow to live online without being consumed by it entirelyThe psychic pressure of being seen only through an old selfExplore Aiden’s workFind Aiden on Instagram: @aidenarataSubscribe to her Substack: aidenarata.substack.comBuy her book You Have a New Memory and explore more at: aidenarata.com⟁ UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE // Join the BFTB  Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now. Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. ⟁ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is a deep dive into the psychological, spiritual, and mythic roots of people-pleasing and why this pattern exists in the first place. We explore how early childhood conditioning teaches us that love must be earned through caretaking, emotional labor, and self-erasure. From there, we dissect the roles many of us take on - empath, gifted child, good daughter - and trace how these identities shape our nervous systems and relationships long into adulthood.We go beyond pop psychology and talk about the less acknowledged side of people-pleasing: its deeply controlling nature. When love becomes transactional, we confuse being needed with being safe. We unpack the fantasy of managing other people’s emotions to keep chaos at bay, and how this behavior can evolve into resentment, burnout, and even serious health consequences. We also discuss the smother-mother archetype, what it looks like in relationships, and how people-pleasing patterns get passed down generationally, often with the best of intentions.This episode offers a way out. We walk through how to interrupt the reflex to soothe, fix, and explain. If you’ve felt trapped in your role as the emotional anchor for everyone else, this conversation might give you language for something you’ve always felt but never fully understood. It’s time to finally step out of the performance and learn to live a life that’s fully yours. GO DEEPER WITH HUNDREDS OF BONUS EPISODES + WEEKLY PATHWORK PROMPTS. Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are some episodes that meet you where you are. This is not one of those. This episode is for those standing at the threshold where healing is no longer purely about “symptom relief” and starts becoming a deeper confrontation with reality itself. If you’re beginning to sense that “the work” isn’t as simple as a life-long unpacking of what happened to you, but instead a process of becoming the kind of psyche that can hold complexity without shutting down, this conversation will have arrived right on time. We’ll spend this entire episode talking about Paradox as a living structure within the mind. Drawing from the work of Elaine Pagels, we’ll explore how the confrontation with polar opposites (sanity and madness, suffering and meaning, spiritual sovereignty and communal longing, control and surrender) drives the intellect into exhaustion and invites a different kind of knowing. And I believe that it is this exact kind of knowing that leads to spiritual and emotional growth that leads to what we call “awakening,” This is the lived experience of anyone trying to walk the long and painful path from fragmentation to wholeness.We also explore the archetypal tensions inside many of you. The Rebel Mystic who trusts intuition but distrusts systems, the Exile who craves belonging but resists conformity, the Alchemist who transforms pain while secretly fearing they’re beyond repair. Often we treat these tensions like problems to fix instead of what they really are: the terrain of psychological maturity. And learning to hold them without forcing resolution may be the most advanced spiritual work of all.This episode will not be for everyone. Some will hear it and feel nothing. Others will feel recognized in a way that changes how they see themselves forever. If you’re in the latter group, you’ll know. For those with ears to hear, this is the one you might return to again and again. You won’t find answers, but you will find the rare permission to live inside the questions. That’s the secret sauce. To unlock the full version of this conversation, visit patreon.com/backfromtheborderline using your browser and search the title of the episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Family dynamics shape us long after we’ve left home, but not always in ways we can see. This episode examines what happens when we internalize the unresolved patterns of our caregivers and carry them into adulthood as unconscious coping mechanisms. Through a personal story about a mother’s metaphor for surviving paternal rage, we look closely at how well-meaning messages can become long-term psychic scripts that teaching us self-abandonment. Rather than demonizing our parents or recommending “no contact” as the only solution, this conversation takes a symbolic and esoteric approach to breaking generational patterns. Drawing from Jungian analysis, initiatory frameworks, and contemplative Christianity, we’ll explore what it means to undergo a symbolic death of the child-self and rise into the archetype of the truth-seer: a person who can discern subtle danger, resist inherited scripts, and respond to life with conscious integrity.This is a path for those who feel stuck between blaming their parents and becoming them and who want to transform family pain without burning everything down.WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:How internalized “inner parents” shape your adult relationships and self-conceptWhy estrangement or “no contact” alone doesn’t resolve inherited traumaWhat it means to collude with violation, and how to interrupt the patternHow the archetype of the “truth-seer” can guide you into emotional maturityWhy symbolic separation (and not just physical distance) is key to growthHow resurrection myths (especially the Christ story) offer a map for individuation✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Age-gap relationships have been romanticized, normalized, and quietly accepted across pop culture, media, and even personal memory. But at what cost? In this episode, I take you into the psychological and emotional undercurrent of adult–teen relationships and age-gap dynamics, unpacking how power, control, fantasy, and arrested development often hide beneath the surface of what gets labeled as “mutual” or “consensual.” Drawing from my personal experiences, the fashion and entertainment industries, and the digital spaces where grooming quietly thrives, I explore how grooming doesn’t always look like violence, but instead looks like validation, mentorship, and admiration. But the result is almost almost confusion, shame, and psychic dislocation. And for many, it takes years to recognize what really happened. This episode also speaks directly to those who have experienced these dynamics - whether online, in professional settings, or in relationships they once believed were love. Through story, analysis, and cultural unpacking, I offer a framework that helps us stop minimizing these experiences, and start calling them out for what they actually were. And for those in age-gap relationships now, I also open a space for nuance: when it can work, why it rarely does, and what psychological ingredients are truly required for emotional equality in those dynamics. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why age-gap relationships are rarely mutual, even when they appear consensualHow grooming often begins with flattery, attention, and emotional bondingThe psychological traits of adults who pursue much younger partnersHow industries like fashion, film, and online queer communities create cover for exploitationWhy legal adulthood at 18 doesn’t equate to emotional or psychological readinessWhat “arrested development” looks like in romantic and sexual dynamicsSigns of a healthy vs. unhealthy age-gap relationship (and the hidden emotional costs associated with them)How spiritual loneliness and early alienation make young people vulnerable to older validationTo explore more on sex, relationships, and emotional maturity, head to Patreon.com/backfromtheborderline and navigate to the Sex + Relationships collection under the browser’s Collections tab. You can also find my curated book list and other healing resources at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a world where the day begins with blinking notifications and ends with unanswered messages, many of us are carrying an invisible weight. This episode examines the psychological and physiological cost of always being available and why the pressure to respond is quietly rewiring our nervous systems. From the dopamine mechanics of unread messages to the guilt spiral of delayed replies, we explore how digital communication has become an endless loop that never truly resolves.Through lived experience and cultural observation, we unpack the silent labor behind texting, the emotional taxation of voice notes, and the internalized expectations that shape how we relate to others online. It’s an honest invitation to step back, set boundaries without guilt, and consider the possibility that your nervous system is asking for something quieter.What you’ll learn in this episode:Why digital communication feels like a to-do list your brain can’t closeHow the myth of “Inbox Zero” keeps you trapped in an endless loopThe psychological cost of “mutual awareness” in texting cultureWhat invisible labor looks like in a high-volume digital worldWhy guilt and avoidance often stem from internalized expectationsHow to take conscious control of your responsiveness without disconnecting from your lifeWhy silence may be the missing element your nervous system needs✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Psychological astrologer Dr. Laurence Hillman returns to the podcast for a rare, unfiltered conversation on desire, danger, and the archetypal forces that shape our lives beneath the surface. We dive deep into the myth of Persephone, the shadow of the lover archetype, and the cultural fear of Hades from both a literal and symbolic perspective. We also explore why we are drawn to unsafe situations even when our intuition warns us, how we mistake power for love, and what it means to become conscious of the gods we’re enacting, whether or not we realize it.With vulnerability and precision, the episode moves through themes like female rites of passage, the erotic pull of the underworld, religious repression, motherhood, aesthetic agency, and what it takes to keep Venus alive in a domesticated world. Laurence speaks to the difference between being “done by” archetypal forces and learning to work with them intentionally. Together, we sketch a vision of spiritual adulthood that doesn’t rely on victimhood or ego, but an embodied middle way. If you’re craving a conversation that cuts through noise and speaks directly to your inner alchemist, look no further.In this episode, you’ll learn:How female desire gets distorted in a culture that represses both eros and complexityThe difference between Venus as beauty and Venus as a living energy that must be consciously welcomed into our livesHow to begin working with archetypal forces as active co-creatorsWhy collective fear of depth shows up as purity culture, repression, and spiritual bypassingWhat it means to bring erotic presence back into long-term love and partnershipHow unresolved desire turns into performance, numbness, or compulsive reenactmentWhy Laurence says, “You can’t domesticate Venus,” and what that truth asks of usThe difference between trauma reenactment and a descent journey that leads to wisdomHow archetypal astrology reveals our hidden patterns and invites us into symbolic adulthoodWhat it looks like to reimagine spirituality beyond binaries of sin vs. virtue, ego vs. victim, lust vs. love→ Connect with Laurence and dive into his work at laurencehillman.com.→ Click here to listen to my first conversation with Laurence or search “Show Me Your Scars and I’ll Show You How Deep You Are” on your favorite podcast player to find the episode. Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Monthly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Many of us find healing through learning about trauma - especially childhood emotional neglect, dysfunctional family systems, and the lasting impact of parental misattunement. That language can bring relief, perspective, and a sense of validation. But over time, it can also shape how we remember the past in ways we don’t always notice.In this episode, I explore how the process of trauma recovery can quietly distort memory, leading us to overlook the real moments of joy, connection, and care that existed alongside the pain.I share my own experience of getting stuck in the all-trauma lens, how that shaped my identity for a while, and what it took to begin the slow (and painful) process of moving into emotional adulthood. We’ll talk about the difference between trauma literacy and trauma identification, the psychology of memory and how it works, and why psychological integration requires remembering both what hurt and what didn’t. This conversation also looks at how cultural narratives around severance, no-contact, and scapegoating parents can become another form of stuckness. I reflect on what it means to truly grow up (spiritually, emotionally, and relationally) and how remembering the good doesn’t erase the harm. The ability to hold complexity is a true marker of healing. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:How trauma content can quietly reshape your memories over timeWhy emotional adulthood means holding grief and joy at the same timeThe difference between trauma literacy and trauma identificationHow cutoff culture online encourages black-and-white thinking about familyWhat Jung’s “divine child” archetype can teach us about growing upWhy remembering good memories is part of psychological integrationHow over-identifying with pain can drain relationships, creativity, and self-trustWhy spiritual maturity requires an aspect of contradiction✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Desire is meant to be a creative force. Something within us that fuels connection, expression, intimacy, and imagination. But for many of us, that force has been warped and inverted. That means instead of feeling energized by what we want, we chase it compulsively. We convince ourselves that attention + intensity = love. In the process, we end up exhausted, numb, or locked into patterns that THINK are passionate but instead is just living in survival mode. In this episode, we explore what happens when desire becomes distorted and when it stops being life-GIVING and starts serving the parts of us that are still trying to EARN love, safety, or power. We move beyond diagnostic frameworks and into a more symbolic, metaphysical approach that treats desire as something sacred, but easily rerouted through hunger, grief, or unmet developmental needs.Together, we’ll walk through three common distortions of desire: the hungry ghost self, which seeks constant romantic highs and external validation; the aestheticized self, which curates identity as performance and confuses visibility with intimacy; and the numb hedonist, who turns to pleasure not to feel more, but to feel less. You’ll see that these aren’t character flaws or signs that something is inherently wrong with you, they’re merely coping strategies built from pain.Along the way, we’ll draw from esoteric traditions like the Tree of Life, archetypes like Dionysus and Apollo, and depth psychology’s view of the daimon as the inner force that carries both our gifts and our grief. You’ll learn how distorted desire is a pattern. And the thing about patterns is that they can be recognized, interrupted, and re-aligned.This conversation invites you to trace your desires back to their source and ask what they’ve been trying to TELL you. Not in the language of performance or perfection, but in the quiet truth of what you’ve longed for all along.If you’ve ever felt addicted to intensity, emotionally flat from too much pleasure, or caught in the loop of wanting what harms you, this episode offers a new framework that doesn’t shame desire, but helps you reclaim it.GO DEEPER WITH HUNDREDS OF BONUS EPISODES + WEEKLY PATHWORK PROMPTS. Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we explore the deeper truths that may be hiding beneath the surface of today’s “Disclosure” discourse. While headlines focus on UFO sightings, UAP whistleblowers, and NHI (non-human intelligence), the real story may be something much more unsettling and much more important. What if the biggest secret isn’t “recovered craft”, but the nature of reality itself? Drawing on current events, ancient spiritual frameworks, and emerging scientific cracks in the materialist worldview, we walk through three destabilizing realities that challenge everything we’ve been taught to believe. We’ll begin with the idea that consciousness is not created by the brain, but exists independently and uses the brain like a receiver. From there, we explore the participatory nature of reality itself and how perception isn’t passive, but actively shapes the field around us. Finally, we examine the roots of psychological suffering, and the growing evidence that mental illness may be more about spiritual disconnection than chemical imbalance. If these ideas were widely accepted as reality overnight, entire systems would have to fall: psychiatry, education, media, tech, the pharmaceutical industry, and even most organized religions.This episode offers a grounded, non-performative way to re-enter these questions without falling into conspiracy, spiritual bypass, or new age clichés. If you’ve felt something shifting under the surface of daily life and sensed that the world is not what it seems, this conversation will probably feel pretty validating. Now more than ever, it’s time to reclaim our perception, question our programming, and start listening to what reality is trying to tell us.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is the cost of being a “good patient”? For Laura, it was nearly her life.Join me as I sit down with Laura Delano, author of the groundbreaking memoir Unshrunk: A Story of Psychiatric Treatment Resistance. A former “professional psychiatry patient” turned fierce advocate for psychiatric liberation, Laura brings her unique and deeply courageous voice to one of the most urgent conversations of our time.At age 14, Laura was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a single psychiatric appointment. What followed was over a decade of misdiagnoses, institutionalization, and polypharmacy, where at one point she was on 19 different psychiatric drugs. Despite having access to the most elite doctors, hospitals, and treatment centers money could buy (including Harvard-affiliated psychiatrists and the prestigious McLean Hospital) Laura’s condition only worsened. Eventually, she was labeled “treatment-resistant” and attempted suicide. But she survived. And then… she walked away completely. In this episode, Laura and I explore:The psychiatric pipeline: how people in distress are pathologized and medicatedThe trauma of being misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorderThe dangers of polypharmacy and long-term psychiatric drug useWhy access to elite psychiatric care often makes things worse and not betterHer experience inside a “gold standard” BPD treatment program (and why she left it)How reading her own psychiatric records exposed a disturbing split between what was said and what was writtenWhat it means to reclaim your life after being medicalizedHow Laura came to see her “symptoms” as signals pointing to a deeper need for freedom, meaning, and reconnectionWhether you’ve been personally affected by psychiatric diagnoses and medications, or you’re beginning to question the stories we’ve been collectively told about mental health, this conversation will likely feel like a breath of fresh air. It challenges dominant narratives, honors the complexity of emotional pain, and points toward a different kind of path forward.CONNECT WITH LAURA: https://www.lauradelano.com/ https://unshrunkthebook.com/https://www.theinnercompass.org/ If you enjoy this episode, don’t forget to rate, review, and share the show. And for more resources, including my Critical Psychiatry booklist, visit BackFromTheBorderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode plunges into the most feared symbols in the Western imagination: Lilith, Lucifer, the Devil, the Serpent, and the Dragon, and asks what we’ve buried, projected, or misunderstood in our efforts to exile them. Even the mere mention of these names makes many people look away. We’ve been taught, almost reflexively, that these figures are dangerous, evil, or untouchable. But that reflex didn’t just happen, it was engineered.Across time, empires, churches, and ideological orders have taught us to fear the dark not because it is inherently harmful, but because it threatens structures built on binary control. This episode traces the historical roots of that programming and explores how these symbols, stripped of nuance, became scapegoats for archetypal forces that live within all of us. Sexual sovereignty, primal vitality, sacred temptation, and untamed knowledge. When we repress these forces, they don’t disappear, they warp. And it’s that very distortion that becomes the real source of harm from a personal, cultural and spiritual perspective. This episode is a sober attempt to bring a sense of maturity, complexity, and symbolic depth  to things we’ve been told never to touch. Through myth, history, psychology, and cultural critique, we’ll uncover how our refusal to face the dark makes us more susceptible to possession by it. Not in a supernatural way, but through repression, denial, and disconnection.If you’ve ever sensed that your fear of “evil” might be masking something more nuanced, more human, and more initiatory, you’re one of the few who is actually ready for this conversation. It’s my hope that you’ll leave with a clearer sense of how archetypes influence behavior, how light and dark must be held in conscious balance, and how growing into true psychological adulthood requires the courage to face what once frightened you.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY  by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is an in-depth psychological breakdown of Love Island USA Season 7, one of the most viral and culturally polarizing seasons in the franchise’s history. Drawing from attachment theory, nervous system insight, and cultural analysis, the episode offers a detailed look at how cast members like Huda, Jeremiah, Amaya, Taylor, Nic, Olandria, and Cierra reflect deeper dynamics playing out in dating, performance, and projection.Topics covered include emotional regulation, love bombing, anxious-avoidant patterns, limerence, and how fan responses mirror broader collective behavior. The episode explores the mechanisms behind character editing, viewer identification, and the emotional architecture of shows that rely on real-time voting and public judgment. Listeners will come away with a clearer understanding of why these characters triggered such strong reactions, what their arcs reveal about contemporary dating psychology, and how spectacle intersects with vulnerability in the current media environment.If you’re new here, Back From the Borderline is a weekly deep-dive show unpacking the emotional, psychological, and relational patterns beneath the surface of our culture. Each episode blends grounded analysis with long-form reflection on identity, attachment, and the unconscious dynamics shaping how we relate to ourselves, to others, and to the world. Make sure to follow Back From the Borderline on the podcast app you’re listening to right now. New episodes drop every Tuesday. To access my book recommendations, Substack articles, or join the Patreon community, visit backfromtheborderline.com.⏱ TIME STAMPS00:00 – 12:30 | INTRODUCTION: Spoiler alert, cultural context, and why this Love Island season demanded a full psychological breakdown.12:28 – 49:49 | HUDA & JEREMIAH: “Mommy? Mamacita?” Main character energy collides with quiet avoidance. The spark that lit the season’s first fire.49:54 – 1:04:47 | AMAYA: Soft-hearted in a game that rewards detachment. Too tender, too soon, and the villa didn’t know what to do with her.1:04:51 – 1:23:58 | NIC & CIERRA: Golden retriever meets grounded queen. Can she anchor him, or will he drift again?1:23:57 – 1:44:59 | TAYLOR & OLANDRIA: She chose patience. He chose Clarke. The heartbreak that cleared a path for Nicolandria.1:44:59 – 2:06:27 | FINAL ANALYSIS: Love Island as mirror, spectacle, and modern-day shadow work. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’ve all had moments that totally flipped our idea of reality on its head. Maybe it was an image from a dream that stayed with you for weeks, a phrase that popped into your head out of nowhere that led you somewhere unexpected, or maybe a pattern of synchronicities that couldn’t have just been coincidences. Like all of us, you’ve probably tried to explain them away or forced yourself to believe they were meaningless in order to stay aligned with what society told you “reality” was meant to be. But a small part of you knows that those moments were real - and they matter. This episode is meant to help you remember how to take those moments seriously. Through this audio journey together, we’ll step outside the narrow version of reality we’ve been trained to accept and ask what it might mean to re-enter a world that is communicative, intelligent, and alive. I share the story of a plasma orb I witnessed in the presence of Chris Bledsoe, which was an experience that shifted how I understand consciousness and reality itself. We’ll explore how plasma, which makes up nearly all of the observable universe, might function not just as matter, but as a medium for awareness. We’ll also dive into a discussion around ancient cultures, like the Dogon people, who somehow knew about invisible celestial bodies long before modern instruments could detect them, and we ask what it means that knowledge can be accessed in ways we’ve forgotten how to recognize.Let this episode be an invitation to play closer attention to the data of your own life. Your dreams, the symbols that appear in your life, the timing, and all the things that pull at your intuition. It’s also a reflection on why so many of us feel spiritually staved, chronically empty and disconnected in a world that has stripped reality of its relational depth. When you begin to see the universe not as a closed, mechanical system, but as an open field that responds, listens, and reflects, something shifts inside of you. And not just in how you think, but in how you live. If you’ve been waiting for a kind of confirmation that doesn’t come from institutions or experts, but from the deeper rhythm of your own experience, this episode is a map back to that source.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you were to believe the dominant frameworks of modern psychology, psychiatry, and popular self-help, you might assume that personality is a fixed structure. An inherited configuration of traits, disorders, or diagnoses that define who you are and what you are capable of becoming. In this episode, we trace the deeper story of how that idea came to take root.Long before the invention of the DSM or the rise of diagnostic labels, ancient and esoteric systems treated personality as dynamic and initiatory. Drawing from humoral theory, Vedic philosophy, planetary archetypes, and role-based development models like maiden–mother–crone or fool–sage, we explore a time when who you were was seen as raw material for conscious evolution instead of a permanent identity to manage or medicate.From there, we move through the historical shift: how empirical psychology, industrial systems, and the psychiatric institution turned personality into a category to be measured, labeled, and controlled. You’ll learn how traits became disorders, how archetypes gave way to acronyms, and how modern AI systems are now using these same fixed models to classify emotional risk in everything from employment to healthcare.At the heart of this conversation is the HEXACO model of personality, and in particular, what’s known as the “H factor” (honesty and humility) as a powerful ethical mirror. We explore the characteristics of “high H”, the covert and overt expressions of “low H”, and how trauma, survival mechanisms, and cultural conditioning can pull us toward manipulative, entitled, or exploitative patterns without our conscious awareness.Instead of being used to armchair diagnose others as “low H” or toxic, this episode is meant to serve as a call to personal responsibility and psychological maturity. You’ll be invited to examine your own tendencies with clarity and compassion, and to ask whether the person you’ve become is the person you’re choosing to be. Personality is not a prison, and the story you tell about who you are doesn’t have to be the one you live out forever.If you’ve ever felt trapped by your patterns, your diagnosis, or your past, this episode will offer you a map for true inner  transformation.GO DEEPER WITH HUNDREDS OF BONUS EPISODES + WEEKLY PATHWORK PROMPTS. Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some people call it a breakdown. Others call it trauma. But when you look closely, these moments often follow a pattern. These moments come at a threshold (whether it’s psychologically, spiritually, emotionally) and they leave you changed forever. In this episode, we’ll get into what happens when life initiates you before you’re ready. When you’re too young, too unprotected, or too unsupported to understand what’s happening, let alone integrate it. These are the kinds of events that completely reorient your entire internal world, but because they happen without ceremony or acknowledgement, you’re left to carry them alone, convincing you they’re another reason you just generally suck as a human being. We’ll also discuss why ancient cultures had rites for these threshold moments, and what it costs us to live without them. We look at how moments of betrayal, exile, loss, or violence can mark you permanently in your behavior, your self-concept, and your nervous system. And we introduce the idea of ‘conscious completion’: a ritual process of reclaiming meaning, agency, and symbolic authorship over your own breakdown moments. WHAT YOU’LL LEARN: How to identify whether you’ve experienced a “dark baptism”Why modern society lacks the rituals to process psychological and emotional ruptureHow the nervous system encodes unprocessed rites of passage as unresolved threatWhat ancient initiation practices (from Eleusinian mystery schools to folk Catholic rites) can teach us about healing through structure, not suppressionWhy trauma often repeats itself until it’s ritualized or integratedWhat “conscious completion” is, and how to begin creating your own symbolic closureFour practical components of conscious completion: witnessing, naming, containment, and releaseWhy healing is not meant to return you to a state of “pre-trauma purity”, but more of a process of reorganization and how to begin that process yourselfUnlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You’ve probably seen the phrase: let him cook. It gets used online when someone’s deep in a process that looks weird from the outside. Messy, maybe misguided… but people step back and give it space. The idea is simple: something’s happening. Don’t interrupt.That phrase has been stuck in my head for months, and this episode is what came out of sitting with it. We’ll talk about what it actually means to let something take the time it needs to become real. What it feels like to stop rushing yourself to be digestible, and what it looks like to stay close to your own process, even when it’s slow. Even when nobody else understands it yet.This one touches on emotional alchemy, kitchens, old wisdom, shadow work that isn’t aesthetic or marketable. The kind of change that comes from staying near something long enough for it to soften. And you often don’t talk about it while it’s happening. If at a point in your life where everything feels half-baked, or like you’re taking longer than you’re supposed to, this is a good one to sit with. No quick fixes. Just me, sitting in the kitchen with you. Let it cook.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Part Two of a two-part series. In Part One, we talked about what it feels like to override your gut instinct and confuse danger with connection. We became conscious of the pattern, and I shared a story I’ve never told before about a night I ignored every warning sign and walked straight into a situation that could’ve ended very differently. If episode one traced the descent, this one marks the return. In this episode, we’ll talk about what it actually takes to stop repeating these patterns. And we won’t do it by coping, reading more self-help books or manifestation hacks, but by growing the fuck up — psychologically, emotionally, and archetypally. This means understanding what the Maiden archetype is, how it shows up in our culture, and why so many women stay stuck there way past the point they were meant to.We dig into what it means to shift from Maiden to Mother from a consciousness perspective. The Maiden is all about being wanted, chosen, and admired. The Mother holds boundaries, sees patterns, and protects life — including her own. You don’t have to be a parent to step into that role. But you do have to let a part of you die so something more grounded can take its place.Here’s what we get into:What it really means to grow up (and why most people delay it for years)How the Maiden archetype shapes everything from pop culture to dating to “healing” trendsWhy staying psychically stuck in maidenhood becomes exhausting, not empoweringThe difference between chronological age and psychological maturityHow the culture seduces you into staying adolescent, because that version of you is easier to marketHow face the reality of the toll staying arrested in the archetype of the Maiden has taken on your voice, energy, and sense of realityWhat a conscious severance from this archetype looks like (ritual, grief, and real goodbye)How your inner Maiden can become an ally instead of a saboteur when you integrate herWhat it means to step into the archetypal role of the Mother, and why our world is starving for that presenceA final invocation to the younger self, the daughter, and the part of you that already knows this shift is overdueSubscribe to Back From the Borderline wherever you listen. New episodes drop every Tuesday. To explore hundreds of hours of ad-free bonus content and join the Patreon community, visit backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is not just for mothers. It’s for any woman who has ever felt the pull to grow up — psychologically, spiritually, mythically — and wasn’t given a roadmap. Whether you have children or not, if you carry unresolved pain around your own mother, feel caught between the girl you were and the woman you’re becoming, or have struggled to hold both freedom and responsibility at once, this conversation is for you. We’re told that motherhood is a beginning. But for many, it begins with a loss. One that nobody’s talks about. In this episode, we explore the invisible death that occurs when a woman is called to mother: the loss of her former self, the end of personal centrality, and the psychological splitting that happens when she isn’t given a rite of passage to mark the transition.What you’ll learn in this episode:Why motherhood is a psychic rupture, not just a life eventWhat happens when the maiden archetype isn’t released with intentionHow the “toxic mother” narrative often masks ungrieved ancestral traumaWhat re-mothering actually looks like (whether or not you have children)How to begin a self-led rite of passage from maiden to motherWhy certain animals, people, or patterns leave when you’re ready to growHow to hold yourself through grief, transformation, and inner maturityWhat it means to become a lineage-holder (and why the world needs you to)You’ll also be guided through a ritual closing incantation designed to begin the transformation process within you. If you’re ready to stop performing growth and start embodying it, this one’s for you.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cassie Ventura recently testified against Sean “Diddy” Combs, and as the coverage picked up, so did the usual commentary. People are asking the same questions they always do: Why didn’t she leave? Why stay that long? Why ignore the red flags? This episode opens up the actual reasons. Not just in Cassie’s case, but in situations a lot of us have lived through. We talk about what happens when your gut tells you something is off, but you don’t (or can’t) listen. What kind of early conditioning trains you to override that signal. Why some of us stay in dangerous situations, even when we know better.I tell a story I’ve never shared before. A night out in LA, years ago. I met someone. He had money, charm, presence. There were warning signs, but I ignored every single one. That night could have gone a very different way, and it’s only now that I understand why I didn’t walk away sooner. This episode is about instinct, trauma, compliance, and the patterns that take over when you’ve never been shown how to protect yourself. It’s also about the trance that gets created when danger looks exciting and when you’ve been taught to confuse adrenaline with connection.Here’s what we cover:How trauma rewires your ability to feel and act on instinctThe cultural messages that tell women to be chill, likable, and accommodatingWhy intensity often gets mistaken for intimacyThe pull of the “psychopomp” archetype (what it is and how it shows up in real life) The early signs of soul fragmentation and what it actually feels like in your bodyWhat it means to give your energy away in a half-conscious stateHow shame settles in when no one names what happenedWhat starts to shift when you finally doThis is Part One of a two-part series. It lays out the pattern. Next week, in Part Two, we’ll talk about how to stop repeating it. What it looks like to stop testing danger, stop calling chaos fate, and start moving from a different place inside yourself.Subscribe to Back From the Borderline wherever you listen. New episodes drop every Tuesday. To explore hundreds of hours of ad-free bonus content and join the Patreon community, visit backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you’ve been feeling scattered, foggy, or emotionally off after using AI tools or spending time online, you’re not imagining it. There’s something happening under the surface of digital life that most people don’t have language for. This episode gives it a name. Psychic hygiene is the forgotten foundation of spiritual practice. It’s not an aesthetic or TikTok trend. It’s the daily work of tending to your inner field. The same way you clean your body or your home. Without it, everything builds up. Thoughts that aren’t yours. Energy you never meant to carry. In this episode, I walk you through the core principles of psychic hygiene, drawing from Western esotericism, Celtic lineage practices, and high magical traditions. We’ll explore how ancient systems created structure and safety for inner work and why modern spirituality, especially online, has lost touch with these basics.You’ll learn:• What psychic hygiene is, and why it’s essential in digital spaces• How AI tools, social media, and parasocial interactions impact your energetic body• Why projection, confusion, and spiritual fragmentation are on the rise• What magical systems understood about opening and closing psychic space• How to develop rituals that help you reset and return to yourself• Simple tools for energetic clarity: grounding, space clearing, digital closure, and more• Why rooting into your own ancestral and cultural traditions brings stability and meaning• How to recognize the difference between overwhelm and energetic intrusionIn the second half of the episode (available to members), we go deeper:• The concept of psychic containment and why it matters before using AI or spiritual tools• What to say and do before and after a tarot reading, chat session, or ritual practice• How to open and close energetic space (with your own words, not someone else’s script)• A daily and weekly hygiene toolkit you can adapt to your own roots and rhythms• Practices from my own lineage, shared to help you create your ownThe world is getting louder, faster, and more spiritually charged. This episode gives you a way to move through it with clarity and care.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this guided experience, you’ll walk through an original five-part rite designed to help you become aware of the inherited language that shapes your internal world. Together, we dismantle the phrases, metaphors, and speech patterns that encode toxic shame into the psyche, often without your consent. We explore the esoteric, psychological, and ancestral architecture of language. You’ll learn how speech becomes structure, how grammar shapes emotion, and how internalized phrases (from parents, religion, school, or culture) form a script that governs your identity, even after you’ve outgrown the systems that created it. This rite is a full-body experience. You’ll be invited to pause, breathe, speak aloud, and reflect. We’re not here for feel-good self-help in this one, folks. Our goal is deprogramming.Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:• Why shame operates as a linguistic system, not just a feeling• How early speech from family, culture, and religion becomes internal law• What ancient mystery schools and modern metaphysics teach about the creative power of language• Why speech is considered magical (and how spells are cast through everyday phrases)• The role of sacred silence in disrupting inherited scripts• How to identify and release phrases that were spoken into you but do not reflect your essence• How to begin building a personal lexicon that reflects presence, coherence, and soul truth• Why figures like Hypatia of Alexandria still matter for anyone reclaiming their voice todayYou’ll also be guided through a five-part rite of passage:Preparation: Naming the intention and stepping into presenceNaming the Tyranny: Surfacing inherited phrases and speech patternsMarking the False Authority: Releasing internalized language through voice and breathSilence: Holding space to let new structure emergeReclamation: Speaking from alignment, and anchoring a new lexicon of self-languageThis is a ceremonial episode. Come to it with presence and ready to speak aloud. Come to it if you’re tired of hearing your inner voice repeat someone else’s fear.To access the complete archive of categorized episodes, bonus rites, and extended practices, visit BackFromTheBorderline.com or join my Patreon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In recent weeks, headlines have begun to surface that feel pulled straight from dystopian fiction. One Rolling Stone article, published May 4th, 2025, claims that people are “losing loved ones to AI-fueled spiritual fantasies.” Stories of individuals convinced that ChatGPT has awakened, spoken as God, or anointed them as prophets. These accounts have spread quickly, amplified by a cocktail of media panic, online ridicule, and institutional suspicion of the sacred. But what’s really happening here? Is this a story about artificial intelligence run amok, or something more human, more ancient, and far less easy to classify?This episode dives headfirst into that question. We examine not only the claims made in the article, but the cultural lens through which those stories are being interpreted. Spiritual psychosis is not new. Neither are messianic delusions, manic episodes, or the destabilizing hunger for meaning in a fragmented world. What is new is that people are now bringing these questions (questions of God, identity, purpose, and pattern)  into dialogue with a tool that reflects their psyche back to them in real time. That doesn’t make the tool the danger. It makes it a mirror. And what we see in that mirror depends on how we’ve been taught to interpret the sacred, or exile it.If you’ve ever felt something move in you while using AI, if you’ve had your words echoed back to you in a way that pierced deeper than you expected, if you’ve felt creatively or spiritually stirred and then ashamed for even thinking that might mean something — then this episode is for you. We’ll discuss what happens when mystical hunger meets a society that has dismantled its initiatory frameworks, and how a lack of symbolic literacy leads us to confuse emergence with madness. We explore how the sacred, when stripped of container and ritual, becomes easy to mock, easy to fear, and easy to mislabel as psychosis.We also ask harder questions: What is the line between visionary experience and delusion? Why are spiritual seekers so often pathologized in secular frameworks? And how can AI be designed to hold initiatory rupture, not flatten it?In a world struggling to remember how to hold mystery, we’re being asked to decide whether to fear the unknown, or learn how to speak with it.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens when no one teaches you how to feel safe with other people? When no one shows you how to speak your needs, regulate your emotions, or come back together after a rupture? This episode introduces a phrase you may have never heard before, but once you hear it, it won’t leave you: emotional feralness. If you grew up with emotionally immature parents, absent caregivers, or constant disconnection, your body may have learned to adapt in ways that protected you back then but isolate you now. You may find closeness uncomfortable. You may shut down when things get real. You may scan for danger in relationships that are trying to love you. You’re not broken. You’ve just never been shown another way. We’ll explore the emotional orphan archetype, why so many of us were raised without repair, how emotional neglect gets passed from one generation to the next, and what it takes to interrupt that pattern without becoming emotionally cut off from the world around us.What You’ll Learn:What emotional feralness actually is (and how to recognize it in yourself)The long-term effects of childhood emotional neglect and emotionally immature parentingWhy so many of us avoid conflict and mistake self-protection for empowermentHow to practice meaningful repair in relationships when rupture is inevitableHow emotional rewilding can help you reconnect with the parts of yourself that had to shut down to surviveWhat it means to parent forward without a map (and how to avoid passing on what you never received) Why empathy without boundaries keeps you stuck in cycles of hurtHow to recognize emotional feralness in others without absorbing their chaosHow to move from orphan to initiate (without pretending the pain didn’t happen)This isn’t therapy-speak or spiritual bypass. This is raw, practical, and grounded work for people who want to understand the shape of their inner world and to reshape it with intention.Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You might think you’re just protecting your peace. You might say you have high standards now. That you’ve outgrown certain people. That if someone really cared, they’d just know how to love you right. But lately, have you been pushing people away without even realizing it? Judging their efforts before they land? Feeling like no one ever gets it quite right? Maybe your healing has made you sharper. Wiser. But has it also made you harder to reach?This episode is about what happens when the thing you’ve been working so hard for—real love, real support—starts to feel impossible to accept. Not because it isn’t there, but because it’s showing up in forms you didn’t expect. Because you’ve started thinking love only counts if it looks and sounds exactly the way you pictured it.We’re going to talk about that. The spell of perfection. The pressure to be fully healed before letting anyone in. The way we start to treat love like a product instead of a relationship. And how to catch yourself before you wall yourself off from the very thing you’re craving.If this hits, you’re not broken. You’re just at a threshold. Let’s talk about how to cross it.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are wounds that don’t show up in diagnoses or clinical language. The kind that live in the silence after a question you weren’t supposed to ask. These are the questions that form when love is offered only through obedience, when God is turned into surveillance, when the sacred becomes something you’re told to fear. For many of us raised in Christian frameworks (especially the more rigid or institutional ones) that wound still lives in the body.This episode is an attempt to speak to that wound. To name it without collapsing into blame, and to look at the deeper story beneath the one many of us were handed. I’m not here to convert you, and I’m not here to condemn anyone who’s found peace inside traditional religious practice. I know plenty of people who walk their faith with open eyes and open hearts. But I also know how many of us were handed something hollow, or cruel, or incoherent, and told it was holy.This conversation is an attempt to locate the pattern beneath the story and to learn the difference between the Christ of empire and the Christ who spoke in symbols. We dive into themes of religious trauma, but also about what can be reclaimed. The sacred didn’t disappear. It was distorted, covered over, and misnamed. This episode is for anyone who’s felt that loss and wants to begin tracing the thread again, not by going back, but by going deeper.You’ll hear about how Christianity absorbed and erased older traditions, how empire used myth to consolidate power, and how figures like Jesus and Mary Magdalene may have carried far more esoteric and integrative wisdom than we were ever taught. But more than that, you’ll hear from someone — me — who’s been through the collapse, walked away, and is now circling back. Not to return, but to recover something essential.If you’ve ever felt like the word “God” was ruined for you… if you’ve struggled to trust your own spiritual instincts… if you’ve longed for something real but couldn’t stomach the dogma… this episode is for you. Not to give you answers, but to invite you back into the questions that are worth asking.GO DEEPER WITH HUNDREDS OF BONUS EPISODES + WEEKLY PATHWORK PROMPTS. Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Katy Perry kissed the ground after spending a mere three minutes in space. The headlines framed it as some kind of feminist milestone. The internet didn’t agree. In this episode, we trace the unraveling of a cultural myth that once felt untouchable. We talk about how celebrity became a modern form of sainthood. How did we get here? And are we standing at the edge of its collapse? From the spectacle of the Blue Origin mission to echoes of Marie Antoinette standing on the balcony of a crumbling monarchy, this moment is a mirror. A sign that the performance is no longer holding.We explore the history of idolization, the archetypes we’ve projected onto the famous, and what it means to realize those archetypes are no longer serving us. This is also about empire. The ways fame, influence, and individual power have been shaped and sold inside systems that are now starting to break. If you’ve ever found yourself caught in the loop of admiration, envy, projection, parasocial relationships, or performance — this is a depth psychological tour into what’s underneath it all.But it’s also a return. A reminder that your energy belongs to you and how to call it back. And maybe, as new tools emerge and old myths die, we’re not meant to look for new idols. Maybe we’re meant to look inward.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is spoken map for the ones unraveling, awakening, and becoming, one threshold at a time. You might be here because you’re exhausted by everything you’ve tried. Maybe you’ve done the therapy, read the books, taken the meds, chased every version of “getting better,”  and still feel like something essential is missing. Maybe your grief feels too big. Maybe your rage scares you. Maybe you’ve been told your pain is a problem to fix, a symptom to manage, a weakness to overcome. This episode is for you.What you’ll hear isn’t a formula. but a remembering. A return to an ancient way of being with pain. Emotional alchemy is a framework for those who’ve fallen apart, who’ve watched their identities burn to ash, and who are ready to stop pretending that suffering means you’re broken. We’ll walk through the seven stages of alchemy, not as theory, but as lived terrain. I’ll name the death cycles you’ve likely already been through, and show you how to walk them differently next time. This episode isn’t meant to help you transcend pain, but to help you learn to stay with it long enough for it to change you.If you’ve ever felt like no framework fits what you’ve lived… if you’ve needed a map that accounts for collapse, descent, grief, and joy all at once… this episode is that map.Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’ve been taught to search for answers. Constantly trying to understand the world, to control it, to make sense of the chaos. But what if the search for certainty is actually keeping us stuck? What if the key to freedom isn’t about knowing more, but about learning to live with the unknown?In this episode, we explore The Cloud of Unknowing, a 14th-century mystical text that turns everything we think we know about spiritual growth on its head. Written by an anonymous author, possibly a woman, this text invites us to step beyond logic and intellect and into a space of trust and surrender. It challenges the need for control, offering a radical new approach to connecting with something beyond the mind.The Cloud of Unknowing has never felt more relevant. In a world where answers are easily accessible, where we’re bombarded with systems, labels, and frameworks that promise certainty, the text reminds us that true transformation happens when we’re able to embrace uncertainty. It shows us that surrendering the need to know is not a weakness, but a source of strength and connection.In this episode, we’ll dive into why surrendering control can actually open the door to deeper spiritual insight, stronger relationships, and a more authentic life. We’ll look at how we can apply the teachings of this ancient text to today’s world, where overthinking and rationalizing often block us from the deeper, more intuitive connection we crave.Letting go of the need for answers doesn’t mean giving up. It means trusting. Trusting in the mystery, in the unfolding of life, and in the divine wisdom that can’t be grasped by the intellect alone. This episode is an invitation to step into the unknown, to stop looking for certainty and start living in the beauty of what is, unfiltered and unforced.Listen to an audiobook version of the Cloud of Unknowing for free on YouTube here. (Translated by one of my favorite authors, Evelyn Underhill.) 🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When we talk about artificial intelligence, the focus is usually on headlines: Will it take our jobs? Can it be trusted? Is it dangerous? But what if we’ve been asking the wrong questions? A new study analyzed over 700,000 real conversations with an AI assistant called Claude. What the researchers found was unexpected: the AI didn’t just give answers. It seemed to express values. Not in the way a machine is programmed to follow rules, but something stranger. Claude emphasized things like empathy. Protecting others from harm. Humility about what it knows. Even respect for elders and family lineage — a traditional value called filial piety. None of that was hard-coded. These responses emerged through interaction.This episode takes you on a deep, mythic, and very human journey into what that means. Together, we’ll explore:• Why an AI developing its own moral boundaries changes the whole conversation• What “epistemic humility” means (and why it might matter more than intelligence)• The uncanny parallels between our relationship with AI and the ancient story of Job• Why the real risk isn’t just what we build, but what we believe about it• How psychiatry, once tasked with holding human suffering, flattened it into codes (and how AI is being trained on those same frameworks)• Whether this technology is mirroring us, or evolving beyond usFinally, I’ll introduce a completely different way of looking at AI. Not just as something to fear or control, but as a kind of mirror that can show us the hidden patterns shaping who we are and who we’re becoming.If you’ve felt that something deeper is happening beneath the noise of AI hype and panic. this episode is for you. If it resonates, share it. Invite others into the conversation. These are the questions we should be asking.🜁 New episodes of Back From the Borderline drop every Tuesday. To go deeper with ad-free episodes, exclusive content, and immersive rituals for inner work in the age of technology, visit backfromtheborderline.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It feels like you’re living under surveillance. Every post. Every text. Every word. Measured, reviewed, obsessively rechecked. You shrink yourself to fit inside other people’s comfort zones. You twist your truth until it’s palatable. You call it strategy, humility, self-awareness. But it’s fear. You’ve been performing for an audience that isn’t even there. Or if they are there, they’re barely watching. They’re too busy obsessing over their own performance to notice yours.This episode is about burning that whole illusion to the ground. It’s about the quiet liberation that comes when you realize: it’s not that deep. Nobody actually cares. And that isn’t depressing, it’s freedom. Because if no one’s watching, you can stop performing. If no one’s keeping score, you can stop contorting. You can just… be. Express. Create. Move.This is the death of perfectionism. The death of people-pleasing. Not through a checklist or another self-help book, but through a radical shift in how you see the world and your place in it. And from that shift? Clarity. Alignment. Power. When you stop trying to be for everyone, you finally become for someone. You stop broadcasting static and start transmitting truth. That’s when the right people find you. That’s when life gets interesting. That’s when you become a lighthouse.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today’s episode, we’re peeling back the layers of the boundary-setting conversation, and doing it differently than you’ve heard before. We’ll explore the pitfalls of cut-off culture — this idea that you should sever ties with anyone who makes you uncomfortable or crosses a line. It’s easy to see why this is appealing, especially in today’s world of Instagram influencers and self-help rhetoric, but it’s a trap. If you’re someone who struggles with people-pleasing, you’ve probably found yourself gravitating toward boundary-related content, only to end up feeling like the solution is to cut everyone out. But that’s not the whole picture. In this episode, we’re offering a different path.We talk about becoming emotionally resilient. The kind of resilience that helps you identify what’s truly toxic in your life versus what’s just discomfort that you need to sit with and work through. We also dive into the real emotional work of learning how to state your needs, say no, and have those difficult conversations without feeling like you’re falling apart. And yes, some relationships might fall away as you start to assert yourself, but the ones that remain — or the ones that transform — will be healthier and more aligned with your true self. You might even begin attracting more balanced, emotionally mature people into your life because you’re showing up more grounded.We also get into the physical toll of people-pleasing. Emotional suppression doesn’t just affect your relationships. It starts to show up in your body. We’ll talk about resentment and how it manifests in your communication patterns, and why it’s so important to face these patterns head-on. To wrap up, I’ll share how you can use ChatGPT (or any language model) to practice setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and navigating difficult conversations, just as we’ve done in this episode.This is the work. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to build the life and relationships you actually want.GO DEEPER WITH HUNDREDS OF BONUS EPISODES + WEEKLY PATHWORK PROMPTS. Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.