Alex and Adrian's Unattended Baggage

Biden/Trump ticket vows to defeat Zelensky, Florida government leaks SSNs & medical records for millions, FBI illegally covers up massive AT&T hack, “COVID Part II: Birds of Prey” coming soon, Israel killing kids with US weapons and both sides hiding it, cops pissed paraplegic wouldn’t step out of vehicle, and our Pavlovian response to manufactured outrage.

Adrian and Alex dig into archeological conspiracies, Biden wants pudding before nap time, SCOTUS overturns Magna Carta and Trump immediately promises military tribunals for political enemies, FedEx now stands for the Feds Examining you, old dirt dished out on RFK after debate, and maybe it’s time to get rid of what the bankers call “capitalism.”

Alex and Adrian aced their cognitive ability test and then beat Medicare with a 6 handicap, Michelle Obama now at 7-to-1 to be the next President, how Israel uses AIPAC and Epstein blackmail to control America, Libertarians might’ve helped Assange go free, Boeing CEO kinda-sorta admits to murder, how AI will play fetch with us, and get ready for human-skinned sex dolls.

Alex goes full Karen, Jackie Gleason gets Adrian banned from Reddit, the Military-Industrial-Phareceutical Complex dis-infos China, Fauci covers up puppy abuse, crime down but police killings up, “Ban This Book” gets banned for mentioning banned books, sober Hulkster hawks patriotic suds, Shaboozy culturally appropriates, and police street gangs are actually a thing.

NY Post reports Fauci & 260 NIH scientists received over $1B in royalties from pharmaceutical companies then tried to cover it up…and nobody cares, odds of AI exterminating mankind now at 70%, Alex Jones gets bankrupted, your auto insurance is spying on you and it’s not the way you think, X gets X rated, and don’t drive through Texas if you’re planning to…well, you probably just shouldn’t drive through Texas.

Corrupt judge sides with corrupt DA to convict corrupt former and possible future corrupt President, BLM should teach MAGA how to riot, Bibi says FU to US peace deal, US & Europe take the shackles off Ukraine and Putin is super cereal about using nukes, Gen Z sees America as a dying empire led by bad people, and beware of zombie mortgages.

Americans remember those who died for our freedom by going through TSA checkpoints, Biden asks Kenya to rough up black people in Haiti because optics, our WW3 bingo cards are filling up, Bibi has warrants, Putin tries space war, Xi tries a blockade, media bites on head transplants, and seriously Libertarian Party… “Become Ungovernable?”

Alex learns not to take his crappy car to a fancy dealership, Adrian says “FaQ*, Alex!” and goes on a doomsday rant, a totalitarian politician makes us defend a pathetic antisemitic dentist, Congress goes full-on Jerry Springer, Netanyahu says nobody helped the Jews in WWII, fake science is everywhere, and Trump praises the “late, great Hannibal Lecter.”

Alex slays a Walmart Karen, Adrian gets his hopes up for a geomagnetic apocalypse, DeSantis keeps banning things that don’t exist, Israel threatens to kill more civilians if we don’t give them more weapons to kill civilians with, Biden’s economic advisor isn’t sure how money works, and a 66-year-old Trump supporter learns he’s actually an illegal immigrant who committed voter fraud.

Alex is vexed and distressed that Donald J. Von Shitzinpants will speak at the Libertarian National Convention, but Adrian is unceremoniously nonplussed, Feds chill a bit on weed, another Boeing whistleblower ends sleeps with the fishes, Israel rejects ceasefire and bombs more civilians, while American cops gleefully beat up reports and kids who complain.

Alex wants to hang out with the cool beer kids, Adrian uncovers Amazon underwear conspiracy, we’ll have more hurricanes this year because cleaner air is causing global warming, God’s Chosen intelligence agency gets First Amendment carve-out, and Americans are very excited about this election because fluoride.

Alex gleefully reviews the Civil War movie, Adrian contemplates animal consciousness, the self-immolator didn’t actually sound totally crazy, John Wayne Bobbit is a Real American, we all work for the NSA now, and does Kona Blue mean that interdimensional beings plan to eat us?

New DIY Medicare plan makes Adrian an amateur ICU RN, Alex wants half-staff OJ tribute, Israel trying to force US into war with Iran, the bi-partisan politics behind spying on Americans, how NPR lost America’s trust, McCarthy calls out Gaetz, and what would YOU put in the Dune popcorn bucket?

The first Florida Man Achievement Award goes to Adrian’s niece, God or the Chinese caused NY earthquake to punish us because climate change or something. Desantis smells pot, Israel goes full Bond villain, ain’t nobody got time for time in space, CA cops save (then kill) teenage kidnap victim, and ladies and gentlemen…Mr. Conway Twitty.

Hungover Adrian questions his parenting decisions, Alex unlocks Skunk Ape Florida Man achievement, this one simple insurance trick will probably cost you a new mileage tax, US getting a bit uneasy with Israel’s real estate transaction, DeSantis signs law that will create a child army of hacktivists, and we enjoy some beautiful music by the man who shot Reagan.

Adrian & Alex decide we should earn “Florida Man” scout badges for things like molesting a manatee, why hating the government is different from hating America, instant ice age to start next year according to fear-porn peddlers, US puts troops in Taiwan, SCOTUS justice thinks 1A protects government speech, and Apple sucks but the government needs to leave them alone.