91. ‘When Someone Says “We Didn’t Have ADHD Back Then” — And You Start Defending Your Parenting’
ADHD Mums · Jane McFadden
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Show Notes
There is a moment at a family barbecue where your child isn’t sitting at the table.
They’re walking.
Talking.
Eating on the move.
And someone says it.
'We didn’t have this ADHD thing when we had kids.'
And just like that, it stops being about lunch
and starts feeling like it’s about you.
Because what sounds casual
lands like doubt.
WHAT WE COVER
– Why 'we didn’t have ADHD back then' still shows up in families
– What people see vs the invisible regulation work parents are doing
– Familiarity bias and why ADHD gets dismissed as 'normal'
– The concept of 'load blindness' in parenting
– Why ADHD is more visible now (not more common)
– How modern expectations make differences harder to hide
– Why not forcing the battle is sometimes the most regulated choice
THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF
– You’ve felt judged in everyday moments like meals or outings
– Someone has questioned your child’s ADHD
– You’re doing constant behind-the-scenes regulation work
– You’ve second-guessed yourself after family comments
– You’re trying to support your child without turning everything into a battle
EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)
CONFESSIONS: Things I Can’t Say at the Playground
https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-55-confessions-things-i-cant-say-at-the-playground/
WHAT THE RESEARCH TELLS US
ADHD hasn’t suddenly appeared.
One of the most cited global studies (175 studies analysed) shows prevalence has remained relatively stable — we’re just better at recognising it now.
Australian data tells a similar story.
Children are entering school with a wider range of developmental profiles — particularly in communication and regulation.
https://www.aedc.gov.au/resources/detail/2021-aedc-national-report
This isn’t about kids being 'worse'.
It’s about environments, expectations and visibility.
HELPFUL LINKS
Free ADHD Resources
https://adhdmums.com.au/resources/
Advocacy Hub