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This week the guys welcome back to the studio esteemed friend and mentor Dr. Ken Bratt. You may remember him from such episodes as "From there We Travelled to Philippi" (AN46). An expert in material culture, Ken leads us on an historical and archaeological tour of the catacombs around Rome. We stop off at San Callisto, San Sebastian, and touch on a few of the lesser-known spots as we learn of pagan, Jewish, and Christian burial. Did Christians really worship in these catacombs with Judah Ben Hur, or is that simply more Hollywood folderol? What about the adaptation of pagan art forms for Christian burials, mastedons and mammoths, and the veracity of relics? Along the way we learn how St. Sebastian, though perforated like a pincushion, headed back to rebuke Diocletian (Die Hardest?). And your intestinal fortitude will be tested once again by one's of Dave's most egregious puns.

There seems to be a universal archetype wherein a famous person dies or utters last words befitting the life she lived. The Greeks and Romans were no different, but why are so many of these stories so odd? Aeschylus: terminated by a tortoise; Euripides: devastated by dogs. And Sophocles? graped in the glottis. Is there any truth to these tales or is this just another episode of When Hubris Met Nemesis? As always, pick up lots of practical advice along the way, such as--choose walnut to avoid getting venus flytrapped by an oak. And if a friend while on his deathbed asks you to burn his literary masterpiece, the answer is always "NO."

It’s the summer of 415 BC and the Athenians (in the middle of a devastating war with Sparta) are debating whether to launch a naval expedition against colonies in Sicily. General Nicias says “no”, but here comes wonder boy Alcibiades who makes the assembly swoon, what with his silver tongue, chariot laurels, wavy hair, and chiseled abs, and it’s off to Sicily we go. But wait! On the night before departure somebody mutilates a bunch of herms in the city and maybe even performs a drunken satire of sacred mysteries! Questions invite questions: was it Alcibiades? If so, does he deserve the death penalty? Why would you want one of those scurrilous statues on your street corner? And don’t miss the following defections, deflections, and rejections. Pull up a chair, check your emergency umlaut supply, and crack open a case of Löwenbräu. You can’t make this stuff up.

The guys wrap up their three-part dive into De Natura Deorum, and this time it is Cotta the Academic’s turn up at the plate. Where will Cotta (our stand-in for Cicero himself here) land on all this? Does he just want some friendly clarification of earlier arguments or is he out to fully dismantle both Velleius and Balbus (see previous two episodes)? Or is this dialogue's most important feature what it reveals about the differences between Greek and Roman philosophy? Even a skeptic like Cotta has a place in his heart for reading birds' signs and sheep livers, and Numa's capeduncula. But why? Be sure to stick around for some ramen noodles and a twist ending that would have even The Usual Suspects and The Sixth Sense doing a slow, golf clap.

This week Balbus the Stoic is on the hot seat as he attempts to convince this feisty gathering of intellects that not only do the gods exist, but they actually care deeply for humanity's well-being. After shoring up Cicero's debt to Plato and Aristotle, Jeff and Dave get down to the nittus grittus (quaedam rudera) -- Balbus' gods aren't the disinterested, off-playing-shuffleboard-somewhere-bureaucrats Velleius the Epicurean prefers. Before you know it, he's dropping syllogisms and hegemonika to some sick beats. But is he convincing? Do the gods really exist just because a lot of people have talked about them? It quickly gets heated before the whole episode threatens to devolve into a cutthroat round of Rack-O. Also, please subscribe our youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/AdNavseam

In this first of a three-parter, Dave and Jeff set up a deep dive into a fascinating late work of Cicero in which representatives of the three major Hellenistic schools of thought (Epicurean, Stoic, and Academic) debate the nature and existence of the gods. Is their existence sure, doubtful, or impossible? And what is Cicero up to? Is he the Milli Vanilli of ancient philosophy, just lip-synching to Plato’s and Zeno’s greatest hits? Or is there some essential, original material here? What do we mean by “originality” in an ancient context? Sidle up to the buffet, and serve up a heapin' helpin' of ennui as Dave blows the thick dust off his dissertation…Cicero’s very reputation as a philosopher is at stake.

The fact that many of the marbles from the Parthenon reside in the British Museum (London) has been controversial since they first landed there in the early 19th century. In this complex tale Lord Elgin has often played the villain—he being the one who greedily had the sculptures removed from Athens to decorate his drafty Scottish mansion. But is the story that simple? In this episode Dave and Jeff tell the whole story front to back with an eye to several questions: does Elgin perhaps deserve a bit more sympathy than he usually gets? What are the arguments for keeping the artifacts in London, and for repatriation? Why should Lord Byron—noted defacer of Greek monuments—get a pass? My goodness, what on earth happened to Lord Elgin’s nose? And, will the guys ever stop attempting Scottish accents?

Ever since the 1960 publication of Winnie Ille Pu (Winnie the Pooh...or is that Winnie that Well-Known Pooh Over There?) there has been a steady stream over the years of popular, contemporary texts translated into Latin. But why? Are these just gimmicky forays on shelves, unread and unthumbed heores, or can they be effective tools in actually learning Latin? Jeff and Dave tackle this question and many more as they walk the listener through Latinized versions of Seuss, Carroll, Sendak and Rowling. Highlights: Does Hobbitus, Ille really deserve the scorn sent its way? For all the skill of the Harry Potter translator did he really identify the titular character as "The Boy Who Died"? Don't miss the post-Christmas blues, and some bees.

By now listeners have gotten used to (and maybe even enjoyed?) the loose, devil-may-care, locker room atmosphere that tends to dominate in the Vomitorium. But what about a ladies' perspective on all this folderol? And not just any old feminine perspective, but that of the extraordinary women who made the decision to marry these chuckleheads? That’s right—this week the guys are joined by Tara and Bec (married, respectively, to Dave and Jeff) where they get a chance to unload on what it’s like to live with the antiquity-obsesssed. Is there more to traveling than “climbing tall things and seeing dead guys”? Can one offer fashion advice without irreparrably bruising egos? And will the hosts need serious therapy after this one? Tune in!

Desperate to find the perfect gift to slip into your favorite scholar’s (budding and otherwise) stocking this year? Of course you are, because if he or she finds another bath bomb or scented whazzit in there someone’s going to get hurt. Fear not! Dave and Jeff are here to help with their curated best-of lists. And the gamut is run—yes, there are plenty of heady tomes to set your beloveds on the proper path, but also many surprises along the way, including shred metal guitar, stunningly bad movies, and shocking sources of dietary fiber! Who knows, if you do it right maybe you'll end up like Sting and celebrate Yuletide by finding many words to rhyme with “Charybdis”.

It’s “Bring Your Daughter to Work Week” in the vomitorium and today Dave’s daughter Jillian stops by to talk about what it was like being homeschooled, speaking Latin and Ancient Greek from a young age, and what has kept her interest in the Classics to the present day. Jillian weaves and dodges her way through a barrage of dad jokes as she takes us through Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, and reasons why it sparked her interest in mythology. Before she bolts for her 2nd semester of Classical studies, the guys try to offer some advice on how to deal with the question every humanities major loathes, “So whatcha gonna do with that?”

This week the guys hopscotch from Babylon, to Memphis (not TN), to Alexandria (not VA), and even to Venice (not FL) in search of an answer to one of the most captivating and lingering archaeological questions of all time—what happened to the tomb and body of Alexander Ille Magnus? How could this centuries-long tourist attraction (visited by some of the greatest Caesars who ever caesared) and massive, Wal-Mart sized complex simply vanish? As they say, it’s complicated. We’ve got cross-desert catafalquing, followed by temporary tomb subletting, and toxic mosque-ulinity, capped off by some embarrassing nose-mangling, and maybe even a mummy heading for its final stop in a gondola. Paging Heinrich Schliemann!

Transliminate your favorite room, grab a cronut and get ready for some top-shelf edutainment! Dave and Jeff set the table, tackling terms and probing provenances with deep dives into etymologies, derivatives, cognates, and malapropism (be careful not to die in the barn!) After some stretching, the guys even break a sweat with high-intensity calquing. Next up, some favorite mondegreens as Dave flakes on Phil Collins and Jeff trips over Toto, followed by some of Dave’s best practical principles on how to incorporate active, idiomatic Latin into your study and make it stick. Get ready to sign up for the 20-yr. plan. And if you ever feel guilty for how much time you spend listening to Ad Navseam, just remember the act itself, in this hobunk spot of the internet, is persebonate.

What’s the best way to learn, retain, and teach Latin? The old school, passive “grammar and rote memorization” route or the hip, (relatively) new active, “spoken and living language” approach? You don’t need to be versed in COBOL or FORTRAN or know your way around those punch-cards that used to operate refrigerator-sized computers back in the ‘70s to answer that question (though it might help). Dave and Jeff are here to share the stories of their own journeys through various Latin curricula on both sides of the desk. Hear what led Dave to embrace the “active spoken” method—the highs and lows, the practicalities and the hilarities. And if it gets too heavy, fear not — Arugula Man is waiting in the wings.

Ever wonder why the American capitol is chock full of columns, pediments, and triglyphs, or why the Washington Monument appears supremely suited for roasting large quantities of meat? Then this is the episode for you. The guys begin their journey way back in the 18th century when Europe was undergoing a wave of “Greek Fever” and “Egyptomania”. They had it all: romantic poems, shady trinket collections, and enlightened revolutions which eventually spilled over into neo-classical architecture. And this still 'colors' the way we recall and interpret the ancient world. Thus the obelisk of WaMo and the Pantheon-y JeMe flexing its dome-court advantage. All very nice, but can it go too far? Did anybody really need a ripped, shirtless statue of George Washington throneing it up in the Capitol rotunda? Tune in to find out.

It's tufa one in the Vomitorium today! Two petrifying tales from the Metamorphoses, that is. First, Perseus gets hopelessly lost and takes it for granite that big-boned Atlas will offer him directions and a snack. But a dread prophecy leads Atlas to slam the door instead and Perseus to say "No More Mr. Gneiss Guy". He whips out his secret weapon from his Gorgon's head-sized holster with predictable results. Next it's on to Niobe whose Latona-directed trash talk knows no bounds. Even when Apollo and Diana begin to take bloody revenge, Niobe's hubris gets bigger and boulder. Her own transformation is sure with all that evidence mountain against her. Starting to get the schist of it? Shale we go on? Ore maybe not? Either way, you'll lava it!

Do you encourage your children to stay in their beds at night by telling them that, if they get up, a vampiric meany will sneak in through a window and slurp their haematids? No? Well, the ancient Greeks would like to have a talk with you about your parenting skills. Keep your favorite apotropaic talisman handy as we mull the blood-thirsty Mormo, disengawk the seductive Lamia, and evade the, um, dung-footed Empousa (!) in this spooky season special. If you make it through that gory gauntlet, then wander along with the guys into Athens' most-haunted house while keeping an eye out for spectral arrivals of dead relatives. Also, home-buying pro-tip: always have the inspector check for basement mold and shackled skeletons beneath the lawn before dropping your deposit.

Jeff and Dave wade into the Olympic-sized pool that is Ovid’s masterpiece, the Metamorphoses. After untangling etymological tendrils of the word “vignette”, the guys dive right in. First up, “Apollo and Daphne”. Not happy with Apollo’s arch trash-talk, Cupid shows him who’s really the boss—his arrows unleash unstoppable passion and malodorous disdain between the titular two. This is not the chubby bowman on your Valentine’s card. Then it’s on to “Diana and Actaeon”. What’s the message here? Another defense of chastity? Haunting comment on the goddess' sacredness? Is Ovid alluding to his own error or the recent Roman past? Maybe he's whelping on the very conventions of epic? Come on in, the water's fine, but be careful where you dogpaddle.

Today the guys tackle the life and work of public intellectual Joseph Campbell, best known for his theory of the monomyth which proposes that all hero narratives are, at root, simply variations on the same story. Once they get past the irritating, almost Forrest Gumpian nature of Campbell’s self-mythologizing biography, Dave and Jeff get down to the stages of the “journey” itself. Behold calls to adventure, tests, mentors, katabaseis, resurrections; and a Frodo, Harry, Katniss, and Skywalker hiding behind every veil. Questions beget questions: is the Christian narrative just another “hero’s journey”? Can we blame Campbell for Jar-Jar Binks? And perhaps most importantly—where’s the best place in the hero cycle to stop off for some soup?

This week Dave and Jeff sit down with intellectual powerhouse and controversialist Heather Mac Donald. Known primarily for her incisive social commentary on policing, Heather is the Thomas W. Smith Fellow at the Manhattan Institute, a contributing editor of City Journal, and a New York Times bestselling author. She writes on a wide variety of topics, including higher education, immigration, policing, homelessness and homeless advocacy, criminal-justice reform, and race relations. The guys enjoy a wide-ranging and an in-depth discussion with Heather about the different intellectual currents of the humanities that have shaped her as a thinker, and why the arts need no instrumental justification.

This week join Jeff, Dave, and Toto on a climb up the fragrant slopes of Mount Parnassus to consult what was the premier divination site in the ancient Mediterranean—the oracle of Apollo at Delphi. But you don’t just barge on in and start a-consulting left and right; there are purifications to be made, various deities to appease, hearts and brains to find, and sacrifices to offer. Only then you may ask your question of Delph the Great and Powerful. So come along, take in the view, and hope our answers to long-standing questions are more straight-forward than what poor old Croesus got. Also, ask yourself how far would you travel and how long would you stand in line to find out "who stole the sheet"?

Ever run into the phrase Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur (“Whatever is said in Latin seems profound”)? Well, most of the states in the American union took that sentiment to heart when they came up with their personal mottoes (institutions and tattoo-getters too). After a brief detour through the pitfalls of collegiate apophthegms and bare midriff-commenting, Dave and Jeff rip and riff through all the mottos of the lower 48 (and those other two). Little mercy is shown as they decide who’s on point, who just phoned it in, and why Michigan’s is (proh dolor) the worst one of all. Even so, si quaeritis amoenas nugas, audite!

This week Jeff and Dave wrap their look at Lucretius’ De Rerum Natura, doing their best to break down the essentials all the while dodging those clinamen-controlled atoms. Because according to Luc these little cueballs explain everything. Earthquakes? Swerving atoms. Human speech? Swerving atoms. That dream you had about being late for your myth final while inexplicably juggling fuchsia avocados? Swerving atoms. Tune in to discover how the world blows its nose, and how to answer your kids' awkward questions, e.g., “Mom, where do centaurs come from?” And if you get nabbed for drinking the detritus-laced milk straight from the breakfast bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Just tell ‘em the atoms made you do it.

This week Dave and Jeff make their way through the heart of the matter with a close look at Books 2-4 of Lucretius' Epicurean masterpiece. The guys serve up dreams, gossamer atoms, Stonecutters, Steve Gutenberg, and a whole lot of Dave's irascibility. Along the way, you'll learn not only how E. got his physics from the pre-Socratic atomists Leucippus and Democritus, but also how the late Kurt Cobain may just rip apart this long-term, literary friendship. Jeff reprises his brief but brilliant John Lennon impression for all you Beatleites, and by the end, philosophy has helped restore a little of our host's equanimity. Finally, can the Epicurean view of death and the afterlife bring comfort? Tune in to find out.

Our dive into Lucretius continues this week and after a quick review of Epicureanism we get to the particulars. First up, Memmius, Lucretius’ patron to whom he dedicated his work. Why him? From the few shenanigans we know about Memmy he seems like a very un-Epicurean sort. Was Lucretius trying convert him? Then the thesis of the work—freeing oneself from superstition and the fear of death. If religion forces you to sacrifice you own daughter, what good is it? Can Venus and Mars stay in détente long enough to chill things out? Maybe as likely as Dave and Jeff agreeing on Roy Orbison’s catalogue and who actually gets to be a Travelling Wilbury. You don't want to miss this one!

This week Jeff and Dave may have bitten off more than they can chew as the subject of the day is, well, everything. In the 1st century BC Lucretius sat down and attempted to, in dactylic hexameter mind you, explain the origin of all things without resorting to divine explanations. How would this have played amongst the smart set of his day? And why should we listen to someone who may have bought the farm by overdosing on Love Potion #9? We might better understand all of it with a better grasp of the philosophy Lucretius adhered to—Epicureanism. Hold the chariot, aren’t those the guys who just swan around at cocktail parties and sample overly fancy hors d’oeuvres? We’ll untangle it. Promise. Kinda.

What better way to ring in our 50th than with the ribald, ridiculous, and righteous ruckus that is Athenian Old Comedy? After a quick trip through the quasi-mythic origins of comedy, Dave and Jeff dive into the particulars of Aristophanes’ Frogs. In this play we find ourselves in 405 BC and the great tragedian Euripides has just died. Dionysus, the god of tragedy itself, decides that because there are now no good poets left he’ll go down into Hades and bring Euripides back from the dead. And from there it just gets weirder. So settle in with a big bowl of beef-n-bean stew and see whether Dave can keep from blushing from all the scatology, orJeff can stop from gushing over his own translation. Oh, and watch out for that little bottle of oil.

This week the throw-down continues as Dave, Jeff, and Dr. Patrick M. Owens dig into a pile of Latin textbooks and see which ones are worthy of a podium finish. Need to brush up on your ecclesiastical Latin? You’d better know your Collins from your Henle. Do the names “Cambridge” and “Oxford” conjure images of Britishy erudition? Maybe not so fast. Dashed off caricatures of oddly proportioned “melon heads” not your thing? Learn which books NOT to open. So, tune in (if you can take a break from gilding your cute little Duolingo owl and trying to advance to the Amethyst League). Also, Rosetta Stone, Ossa Latinitatis, and Hans Ørberg.

This week Dave and Jeff sit down for Part I of a wide-ranging discussion with good friend and Latin guru Dr. Patrick M. Owens of Hillsdale College. We take a brief look at Patrick’s fascinating bio and how he came to love and practice spoken Latin at a very high level. Then we seek to answer such questions as “What makes a good Latin textbook?” “What is the role of the teacher in presenting a Latin curriculum?” “What are the strengths of the inductive vs. deductive methods of language instruction?”, and more. In this episode we look especially at Wheelock's and Moreland and Fleischer. Be sure to tune in for Shaq, pompadours, and a raucous exchange of pokes and jabs as Patrick and Dave finally get down to fisticuffs, and Jeff does his best Kenny Bayless.

Jeff and Dave bring the first show from Vomitorium West, where they take a close look at the sophist Gorgias (483–375 BC). When he wasn’t hitting the Olympia/Delphi orators circuit for some cool drachmai, Gorgias was in Athens claiming to be able to answer any question anyone one might put to him. Who was this guy? Did he actually believe his own press? In this work, G defends Helen of Troy so convincingly you’ll be fist-pumping. That is, until he pulls the rug out from under the whole project with the work's final word. Oh, and make sure you know your millihelens from your terahelens before you wander down to the harbor with Robertson Davies and Isaac Asimov. Then again, you probably don’t exist (G says nothing does), so don’t sweat it. Finally, check out Jeff's smoove beatbox.

This week the Vomitorium is graced with the presence of Dave and Jeff’s friend, former colleague, mentor and professor, Dr. Ken Bratt. Join us as Dr. Bratt shares his vast knowledge of the ancient Roman colony of Philippi--site of game-changing battles, crossroads of culture, and where the first European converts to Christianity (including Lydia) were made. Ken walks us through the archaeological remains, connecting them to biblical narrative and dispelling a few likely legends along the way. Is that really “Paul’s Prison” there in Philippi? Bonus feature: learn what shenanigans Jeff got up to as a sophomore on a trip to Greece with Ken in the ‘90s. Also, what can we do to get Dave to loosen up? This episode is packed!

This week Dave and Jeff sit down with New York Times Bestselling author Ross King whose works such as Brunelleschi’s Dome and Michelangelo and the Pope’s Ceiling have set the gold standard for erudite, popular history over the last twenty years. We cover Ross’ career from academia, to novel writer, to his latest book, The Bookseller of Florence (2021). Come along as we walk the streets of Renaissance and contemporary Florence where one might have a life-altering epiphany atop a red-tiled dome or discover a long lost copy of Quintilian moldering in the dusty corner of some far-flung scriptorium. Can Jeff and Dave keep it together long enough to refrain from geeking out and going all “fan boy” on Mr. King? Just barely.

Oh say can you see where this one is going? Many people have heard about the influence of the Roman Republic on the shaping of the American government but are perhaps unaware how much deeper the ancient underpinnings go. This week, with Carl Richards' The Founders and the Classics: Greece, Rome, and the American Enlightenment, as their guide, Jeff and Dave take a star-spangled look at the Greeks and Romans read, revered, and almost rejected by the founders of the United States. From the earliest days of the revolution Washington, Adams, and Jefferson (and others) saw themselves and each other through the prism of many an ancient great, both historical and fictional. What did it mean that Sam Adams was the "Palinurus" of the Revolution? Why did Washington see himself as Cato? Why does Benjamin Rush (boo!) come along and try to pour cold, stale ale over the whole classicy enterprise? And perhaps most importantly, if you don't have busts of your friends in your personal library are they really your friends?

Dear Starry-Eyed Undergrads, you know that dream of your future grad school you have where you’re strolling through a leafy quad on your way to share a bottle of port with a kind, nurturing mentor, as you scoop up tray parfaits? Well, in this episode Dave and Jeff take those notions, drop them into the Cuisinart, and hit frappe. Take a trip with us down this pothole-ridden memory lane where you’ll find cutthroat politics, failed airport pickups, doomed lectures, lucubrations and excoriations, and sartorial disarray. So grab a repurposed pillow case (wait for it) and pull up a chair for this freak show. Rated R for “Regret”? Nah, it’s just that sometimes the only way out is through. Major programming announcement: https://www.gofundme.com/f/latinperdiem-launch

This week Dave and Jeff take a close look at a well-known passage from ch. 14 of the Lukan history of the early church. As the apostles extend their preaching ministry into the Lycaonian region of Anatolia, they are mistaken for the gods Zeus and Hermes because of a miraculous healing Paul performs. The priest of Zeus wants to gin up a sacrifice, but the apostles risk life and limb, barely averting the ceremony. This story bears some interesting resemblance to a famous account in Ovid’s Metamorphoses VIII of the old woman Baucis and her husband Philemon (and throw in the Christmas goose). Tune in for wide-ranging literary analysis of ξενία and more, possibly the worst pun Jeff has ever dropped, and a major programming announcement at the end. https://gofund.me/ad60e4a2

This week Jeff and Dave do some spelunking to try figure out what the strange mystery rites of the Persiany cult of Mithras were all about, and why they were so popular during the Roman Empire. We begin with a breakdown of what exactly a “mystery cult” is, and then move on to Mithras himself, a hero whose myths do not survive in any written form. What do we make of the strange iconography that does survive, such as the bull-slaying motif (tauroctony)? Was this some kind of death-killing, solar cult? What is that scorpion up to? And can we take Mithras seriously in that hat? So, wander down into the Mithraeum, have a snack or two, and peek into that mysterious box. Might just change your life.

Join us for a lively discussion with Dr. Michael Fontaine (Classics, Cornell University) as we talk about his new book—How to Tell a Joke: An Ancient Guide to the Art of Humor—a translation and analysis of ancient Roman treatises on humor from both Cicero and Quintilian. Along the way we tackle such questions as “How can a politician or a lawyer use humor to win a room?”, “Is one born funny or can it be taught?” and “Did Cicero seal his own fate by telling jokes that went too far?” Tune in for the laughs, guffaws, and occasional snickers, and be sure to share your own opinion on this all important query: “Is it possible for really attractive people to be funny?”

This week Jeff and Dave take a trip to the Dutch Renaissance with a look at prolific Latin poet, theological secretary, Dutch patriot, and Greek scholar Daniel Heinsius (1580-1655). After a whirlwind introduction to leading Italian, French, and Dutch luminaries, we get right into the vita and opera of this amazing scholar. Heinsius served as secretary at the Synod of Dort (1618-1619) and also wrote some incredible Dutch poetry (sampled for us by Utrecht scholar Aron Ouwerkerk). He also tried his hand at a wide array of genres: emblems, love elegies, epithalamia (poems for weddings), funeral orations, tragedies like "Herod Babykiller" (Herodes Infanticida), and a 4-book hexameter poem "How to Despise Death" (De Contemptu Mortis) modeled on Vergil's Georgics. Be sure to stay with us until the end for the couplet Danny spoke to his foot. Fresh new kicks and pants!

Today Jeff and Dave dive into the oeuvre of Roman historian Gaius Sallustius Crispus (known as “Sallust” or “Crispy” to his friends), particularly sections 6-13 of his Bellum Catilinae. Dave argues that with this work Sallust invents the “monograph”, zeroing in on a narrow subject as his “hook” rather than trying to “do it all” more broadly and blandly. In the eight chapters referenced above Sallust zips through about 1200 years of Roman history, from Aeneas to the 1st century BC, highlighting the moral apex of the Republic down to the money-grubbing, wine-chugging, disco-clubbing depravities of his own day. Will you agree with Jeff that Sallust is a bit of a hypocrite, thundering against luxuries from the terraces of his lavish Quirinal gardens, or will you side with Dave and give old Sally a break?

After the smoke clears from some much needed post-slaughter fumigation, Dave and Jeff finally lumber their way to the end of the epic. At last we get a proper reunion between husband and wife in which Penelope wins the battle of wits. The occasion? Odysseus gets artichoked up when Penelope treats their bed like an IKEA futon. Now, roll the credits, right? WRONG. There's a whole other book to go! We see the suitors take the slip-n-slide down to Hades where Agamemnon gives them the raspberry. Back on Ithaca, Odysseus goes into "metis mode" and decides to test his aged dad with yet another false identity! But why? Does Odysseus even know who he himself is anymore? And be sure to stick around for the surprise, dea ex machina ending.

Dave comes into the Vomitorium in a bit of a gloomy mood, and what’s on tap in these books does not look like it will help much. All the planning and scheming by Odysseus finally comes down to this—the suitors (and a goodly portion of the house staff) get what’s coming to them, and only a handful of the loyal survive. Is this grisly, but acceptable justice? Athena (disguised as Mentor) wants it, so it has to be ok, right? Dave seems to agree, but Jeff (softie that he is) says, “hold up a minute”. Can we dismiss the death of the hapless Leodes, and especially the execution of the maids so easily? As they say, it’s complicated. LISTENER WARNING: this episode contains a grisly description (from the text of the Odyssey) of hanging and dismemberment at approx. 53.00 on. So if younger children listen, use discretion.

What happened to Episode 35 and Dr. Michael Fontaine? Well, our hosts had some tech diffs. That planned episode didn't drop. It shattered. So instead Jeff and Dave go far off script and offer up a hastily-prepared, poorly-seasoned, half-baked, slightly rewarmed, partially-marinated impromptu side dish (or podcast upside down cake) that answers this burning question: why should I study Greek and Latin? Along the way, you learn about Cliff Clavin, Count Dooku, Eric Blair, J.K. Rowling, Dumbo's Stables, and the secret life of appendectomists. There is also the rare serious moment where we compare ἔρις and ἐριθεία from Philippians 1 with Jerome's translation contentio.

When does Penelope know who the stranger really is? This question is at the center of today’s episode as the storm continues to gather in Odysseus’ house. But first—a bum fight! With a bloody goat paunch on the line (and who wouldn’t step it up for something tasty like that?), Odysseus clocks the mouthy Irus (aka Arnaeus) with the ol’ one-two. Then Penelope overshares (or does she???) with the stranger, Eurykleia shrieks at a telling scar (or was it just the stranger’s b.o.?), and things wrap up with a weird, geesey dream that puts Odysseus on the defensive and his wife in the driver’s seat. Also, should we feel sorry for Amphinomus just because his name is really difficult to pronounce?

Ecce! Here it is, the tearjerking, heartbreaking, bird-shrieking, deeply satisfying reunion between long-lost Odysseus and his heroic son Telemachus. Jeff and Dave guide you through all the action as Tely returns to the hut of the humble swineherd Eumaeus (swineherd good, goatherd bad, cowherd so-so) to rendezvous with dad. Don’t miss Eumaeus’ backstory, plenty of bird omens, and Odysseus dodging stool legs while disguised as a beggar. You not only get Jeff’s penetrating literary analysis, but you also learn he has some bones to pick with Homer over these extended lessons in xenia (do we need so much wine, meat, and sparkly robes?) in these “troughy” books. And be sure to smirk derisively at Dave’s typical string of self-indulgent, piffling puns. Achoober? Srsly?

This week Odysseus wraps up his epic yarn for the Phaeacians by threading the needle between the “dog-trunked” Scylla and the gulping maelstrom of Charybdis, a waxy zip past the alluring Sirens, and an ill-advised stop on the island of Helios where his men’s hankering for a decent steak does the rest of them in. Then (finally!) Odysseus is ferried home to his home island of Ithaca. As much as he’d like to rush home, check the junkmail, and clean out his gutters, this is no time to start trusting people. Athena directs him to cool his heels in the hut of the swineherd Eumaeus (Dave’s favorite!) where there’s always ouzo for two-zo, pork hot off the spit, and a down-home xenia that sits at the moral center of the tale.

In this episode we welcome Dr. Ed Watts into the vomitorium. A highly respected historian of Rome from UCSD, Ed talks with Jeff and Dave about his fascinating 2018 book Mortal Republic: How Rome Fell into Tyranny. Come along for the sights, the sounds, and yes, even some of the smells of ancient Rome as Ed explains – to Dave's chagrin – his antipathy toward Cicero as a person and stylist, but deep respect for the man for his "profound" political insights. Individuals are mortal, but a republic doesn't have to be. Ed leads us through a careful explanation of the breakdown of Roman society in the final years, and the personal and economic forces that led to tyranny. Be sure to stay tuned to the end where Dr. Watts gives his sobering take on political violence on the American scene. And check out our social media to win 1 of 3 signed copies of Ed's book we're giving away, thanks to Basic Books.

Dave and Jeff katabisate back into Hades where we watch a parade of mythic women, but no marching bands or fun-size Snickers in this parade, just more murder, mourning, and malevolence. Tune in for Epicaste, Antiope, Alcmene, and many more unpronounceable ladies. Then it’s more blasts from the passed: Agamemnon shows up with a story of the worst “welcome home” present ever while planting some doubts in Odysseus’ mind. Achilles himself drifts forward giving Odysseus a taste of what awaits him. Ajax Telamon gives our hero the silent treatment and refuses to “hug it out.” And even Sisyphus, the original rock-n-roller, has a cameo, eternally doomed but still managing to drop some 19th century economic theory on all y’all.

Come along as we follow Odysseus on his ultimate journey—a trip to the LAND OF THE DEAD (cue screeching violins or maybe even Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”). WATCH as our hero cowers from the ghosts of epics past as they swarm like moths to the blood filled pit! WONDER what Elpenor is doing here when he was just eating nachos on Circe’s veranda a second ago! LISTEN to Tiresias’ weird prophecy and Dave’s master class on wheat/chaff separation! WEEP when Odysseus encounters his mother Anticleia’s shade and attempts in vain to embrace her! SEARCH the pantry for some Huggable Portions™ (new from Nabisco!) to stave off that 2nd half of the podcast hunger! Or just tune in—this is good stuff.

This week Jeff and Dave welcome author, teacher, musician, farm guru, and mini-Aristotle Susan Wise Bauer via Zoom from her home in Virginia. Jeff and Dave enjoy a lively back-and-forth with Susan on her many talents and accomplishments. Tune in as Dr. Bauer discusses her experience being homeschooled, her love of Hebrew and history, and her best-selling books that serve as guides to anyone who wants a “Classical education”. Along the way we discuss what different people mean by the term “classical”, the rigours of writing a “universal history”, as well as Susan’s latest interest—Hippocrates and history through the lens of medicine and disease. And if you’ve been unsure about when to do your “lambing”, listen to the end for the shear joy.

After giving the Cyclops everything short of his credit card information, Odysseus and the boys are in for more bumps and bruises. First it’s a visit with Aeolus, god of the winds, who bags up all the blustery blasts, but instead of telling his crew our hero decides it’s “nap time”. Then it's on to the Laestrygonians for more cannibalism and general rock-chucking. At last they wash up on the island of Aeaea (no vowel-buying necessary) where Circe decides that while men are pigs the Hermes-helped Odysseus can stick around for a bit. Have these men learned anything? How many crew remain? Is Odysseus even telling the truth or is he a kind of ancient Keyser Söze?