All Episodes — Abject Suffering

Ep 111Abject Suffering 111: Mortal Kombat: Special Forces

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<html>Gate 1 darkness the world of demons Gate 2 my guards are watching you Gate 3 only evil lives here Gate 4 theres no way out Gate 5 feel the fire Gate 6 pick up your weapons and fight And dance with the devil</html>

Oct 20, 201548 min

Ep 110Abject Suffering 110: Total Recall

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<html>Howdy, Quaid. If you're watching this, that means that Kuato is dead, and you led us to him. I knew that you wouldn't let me down. Sorry for all of the shit I've put you through, but hey, what are friends are for? All I want to do is wish you happiness and good living, old buddy, but unfortunately, that's not gonna happen. You see, that's "my" body you have there, and I want it back. Sorry for being an Indian giver, but I was here first. So, adios, amigo!</html>

Oct 12, 201534 min

Ep 109Abject Suffering 109: Mario's Early Years

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<html>This week on Abject Suffering, we learn a valuable lesson. To never do educational games again.</html>

Oct 6, 201545 min

Ep 108Abject Suffering 108: I Wanna Be the Guy

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<html>This week we talk about [dies]</html>

Sep 28, 201538 min

Ep 107Abject Suffering 107: Quest 64

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<html>Journey with us to the heart of blandness. Watch for the polygons, they're extra sharp this time of year.</html>

Sep 21, 201538 min

Ep 106Abject Suffering 106: The Angel Quiz

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<html>Part 2 of the Zoo Dog Chronicles proceeds, with us taking the Angel Quiz. Will we ascend to heaven? Or will be burn in hell?Links:<ul><li><a href="https://youtu.be/5FuiLbYBDLw" target="_blank">Video version of the Angel Quiz video</a> — Please, you have to watch this.</li></ul></html>

Sep 14, 201556 min

Ep 105Abject Suffering 105: The Zoo Race

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<html>Welcome to the series finale of Abject Suffering, because we'll never find anything better than this. Pack it up and turn out the lights, Cheers-style.</html>

Sep 7, 201539 min

Ep 104Abject Suffering 104: Barney's Hide and Seek Game

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<html>Come out, come out, wherever you are. Barney loves you. Barney wants to find you. Barney wants to kiss you forever.</html>

Aug 31, 201545 min

Ep 103Abject Suffering 103: Zombie Nation

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<html>What's the most patriotic thing to do with your own dead body? The answer may surprise you.</html>

Aug 24, 201536 min

Ep 102Abject Suffering 102: Legend

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<html>Scientists toiled for years to create a game whose title is invisible to modern search engines. This is the fruit of their labor.</html>

Aug 17, 201533 min

Ep 101Abject Suffering 101: The Karate Kid

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<html>Listen in to hear two sad adults talk about how their adolescence was shaped by a fascination with violence.</html>

Aug 10, 201538 min

Ep 100Abject Suffering 100: Action 52

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<html>It's the 100th episode, so it only makes sense that we talk about Action 52. Numerlogically, of course. Let's consider the rippling chests of the Cheetahmen, while we record live in front of our most loyal Patreon backers.</html>

Aug 3, 20151h 37m

Ep 99Abject Suffering 99: Bert's Dinosaurs

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<html>Sam, we have to talk. You suggested an application. A paint application. Others should take note, we might not do this again. However, this paint program inspired us to talk about the depraved life of Mr. Ed as a depraved BDSM sub, and we add another to the ranks of Friends of Abject Suffering.</html>

Jul 27, 201529 min

Ep 98Abject Suffering 98: Illbleed

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<html>It's a redemption the likes of which can only be delivered on Abject Suffering, as we find goodness within a maligned classic and gather enemies along the way.</html>

Jul 20, 201538 min

Ep 97Abject Suffering 97: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

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<html>Allison Baker joins us to talk about one of the most infamous NES games of all time. Also, we introduce a fun new character.Special Guest: Allison Baker.</html>

Jul 13, 201549 min

Ep 96Abject Suffering 96: King's Quest V

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<html>It's a classic Abject Suffering switcharoo as we talk a little bit about King's Quest V for the NES, and then pivot to talk about Buffo the Clown.</html>

Jul 6, 201537 min

Ep 95Abject Suffering 95: Peach the Lobster

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<html>Peach the Lobster. Wag the dog. Redeem the creator.</html>

Jun 29, 201534 min

Ep 94Abject Suffering 94: Kid Klown in Night Mayor World

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<html>A disturbing exegesis of clown biology, reproduction, and maximum strength.</html>

Jun 23, 201536 min

Ep 93Abject Suffering 93: Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage

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<html>90's comics? Yes, please.</html>

Jun 15, 201534 min

Ep 92Abject Suffering 92: Drakkhen

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<html>The SNES is remembered fondly for its RPGs, but it took a while for them to become, you know... good. What does this have to do with Klowns? Listen and find out.</html>

Jun 8, 201530 min

Ep 91Abject Suffering 91: Super Boy Allan

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<html>Of all the episodes we've ever recorded, this one peaks the earliest.</html>

Jun 1, 201537 min

Ep 90Abject Suffering 90: Courier Crisis

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<html>The second of our live-streamed episodes, Gary brings Courier Crisis to the table... a game that precedes Crazy Taxi by several years but fails miserably where that later game succeeded. Also, a contentious discussion about Offspring.</html>

May 25, 201533 min

Ep 89Abject Suffering 89: Puggsy

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<html>The Psygnosis Train continues in our first live-streamed episode of Abject Suffering. Kole brought Puggsy to the table, a staple of his childhood that -- it turns out -- isn't so much terrible as it is inscrutable. Also, we discuss lycanthropic buildings.</html>

May 18, 201531 min

Ep 88Abject Suffering 88: Ganja Farmer

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<html>Prepare to beat up two nerd with conflicted opinions about marijuana culture. Also, prepare for a Crick-esque surprise.</html>

May 11, 201541 min

Ep 87Abject Suffering 87: Casper

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<html>An earnest discussion on ghosts, jerkin' it right, and the nature of belief.</html>

May 4, 201537 min

Ep 86Abject Suffering 86: Bad Rats: The Rats' Revenge

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<html>The odds were stacked against us. However, a despicably racist and universally reviled game can still bring some delight. Bring it on, Bad Rats.</html>

Apr 27, 201535 min

Ep 85Abject Suffering 85: Bram Stoker's Dracula

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<html>It's another movie pitch that's sure to make us millions: Dracula Force 5. It's a crisis on infinite Transylvanias as every representation of Dracula in media throughout history converges to fulfill some dark purpose. Alternate Title: Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula vs. Dracula.</html>

Apr 20, 201528 min

Ep 84Abject Suffering 84: Tom & Jerry

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<html>We are on the verge of a dark future where the best of men know that their satisfaction can only be guaranteed if they take it into their own hands. But the powers that be are dead set on denying humanity their purpose. Across sweeping fields of sorghum, the grim world of Crick 2000 has become a reality. And we must escape.</html>

Apr 13, 201542 min

Ep 83Abject Suffering 83: The Crow: City of Angels

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<html>Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the new nadir. Though we often traffic in bizarre oddities and inscrutable ventures, The Crow: City of Angels is a failure on every level.</html>

Apr 6, 201531 min

Ep 82Abject Suffering 82: Shadow of the Beast

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<html>Cloudy with a chance of eye storms.</html>

Mar 30, 201525 min

Ep 81Abject Suffering 81: Onesimus: The Quest for Freedom

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<html>And lo, the Lord sayeth, render a game unto my people based upon Z-List Bible characters. And it was not good.</html>

Mar 23, 201534 min

Ep 80Abject Suffering 80: Mickey Mousecapade

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<html>Countdown to when Iron Man bursts through my apartment wall to issue a cease and desist. Then the Goof Troop will haul me off to the big mouse.</html>

Mar 16, 201532 min

Ep 79Abject Suffering 79: The Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy

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<html>On this occasion, Abject Suffering finally comes into its own, transforming into what we always knew it would be: The Egg Cast. Thank you for ushering in this apotheosis, Dizzy.</html>

Mar 9, 201526 min

Ep 78Abject Suffering 78: Air Fortress

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<html>Discussion of Air Fortress, a serviceable yet boring shoot 'em up / jump 'em up, quickly turns to erotic fan fiction about the robot from Lost in Space, the curse of penis-shaped food, and powdered peanut butter.</html>

Mar 2, 201541 min

Ep 77Abject Suffering 77: Spy vs. Spy

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<html>It's time for a slightly more straight-laced Abject Suffering as we are joined by Bob Mackey (of the Retronauts) to discuss Spy vs. Spy, MAD Magazine, and the role of satire in society. Also: Fan Fiction Rap Battles.Special Guest: Bob Mackey.</html>

Feb 23, 201547 min

Ep 76Abject Suffering 76: Wrath of the Black Manta

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<html>In this week's edition of Oversharing, we dedicate a good half of a podcast to discussing the strangest meats we've ever eaten.Special Guest: Zack Johnson.</html>

Feb 16, 201546 min

Ep 75Abject Suffering 75: Stalin vs. Martians

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<html>Where do mimes come from? How do you undertake to make fun of a clown so that he really stays made fun of? Jenni from Video Games Taco (@lycrashampoo) joins us to find out. Stalin vs. Martians was only available for purchase for a few months in 2009. It was released with all the fanfare inherent in its ridiculous premise, and then pulled from the market when its terrible strategy gameplay was ridiculed. What's left is a bizarre art project that's almost impossible to make fun of. But here we are.Special Guest: Jenni Polodna.</html>

Feb 9, 201540 min

Ep 74Abject Suffering 74: Xenophobe

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<html>It was the year 2170 and Detective Jack Cyber looked out his window at the fossil fuel burning cars on the street below. Teeming throngs of citizens on roller blades frequented the payphones below. Jack's pager buzzed insistently on his desk, right as a beautiful dame walked through his office's door, past the pneumatic tube document carrier. "There's a techno dragon on the loose, Jack, and you'll never guess what it shoots from its tail." "I'm going to need at least 5 more megabytes of RAM to handle this, sweet cheeks." The femme fatale faxed the purchase order, reluctantly.Special Guest: Riff Conner.</html>

Feb 2, 201536 min

Ep 73Abject Suffering 73: The Incredible Crash Test Dummies

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<html>You come crash into me, and I come into you in a dummy's dream. In a dummy's dream.</html>

Jan 26, 201536 min

Ep 72Abject Suffering 72: Darkman

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<html>It's a Darkman's party, who could ask for more?</html>

Jan 19, 201533 min

Ep 71Abject Suffering 71: Chocobo Racing

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Jan 12, 201534 min

Ep 70Abject Suffering 70: James Pond 2: Codename Robocod

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<html>Robopond hungers. Robopond tires of the tubes making a mockery of his efforts. Robopond will make waves. Robopond will devour all. Robopond is hate.</html>

Jan 5, 201532 min

Ep 69Abject Suffering 69: Skate or Die 2

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<html>There's only two ways this can go.</html>

Dec 29, 201430 min

Ep 68Abject Suffering 68: Platoon

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<html>Two universal rules: Every dad will talk about Platoon, and never make eye contact with Kremlo.</html>

Dec 22, 201428 min

Ep 67Abject Suffering 67: Bubsy 3D

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<html>Sometimes we get static over how little we talk about video games on this show. We fix that this week. We found a game so bad that it broke the show: Bubsy 3D.</html>

Dec 15, 201431 min

Ep 66Abject Suffering 66: The Simpsons - Bart vs. the Space Mutants

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<html>It's all we ever wanted to do: to talk about The Simpsons on a show. But it shouldn't have been like this. Not like this. These aren't the aliens we were told to expect.</html>

Dec 8, 201430 min

Ep 65Abject Suffering 65: Metal Morph

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<html>!sdrawkcab lla ti od ew tpecxE ... .M.E.R dna seidaL dekaneraB eht tuoba klat daetsni tub hproM lateM tuoba klat ot tuo tes ew ,gnireffuS tcejbA fo edosipe lanoitnevnocnon siht nI</html>

Dec 1, 201432 min

Ep 64Abject Suffering 64: Kick Master

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<html>Something written for information should be to the point and not too cute. This is an episode of the Abject Suffering program about the NES game Kick Master.</html>

Nov 24, 201427 min

Ep 63Abject Suffering 63: Circus Charlie

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<html>"Circus Charlie" isn't the preferred nomenclature anymore, dude.</html>

Nov 17, 201433 min

Ep 62Abject Suffering 62: Solar Jetman

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<html>So little in this life can be regained once it is lost. Hair that is cut off grows back. Sometimes Deborah will realize she's wrong and leave Reginald, returning to your waiting arms. If you cough up any baseball-sized shanks of sea shell throat meat, you must do your best to return it to its proper place. For Christ sake.</html>

Nov 9, 201431 min

Abject Suffering