372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

Who is the Sheriff of 372 Pages? Sorry, just trying out our new catchphrase. Nobody better be laughing!! We have an absolutely jam packed episode this week, because despite maybe 40% of this week’s assigned reading being the same block of typo-ridden copy/paste text, there was a lot to talk about. Potential suspects! Power couples … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-32-ctrl-v-repeat" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 32 – Ctrl-V, Repeat"</span></a></p>

Assemble your various financial certification acronyms and have Veronica Jackson clear your schedule, because we’ve got a doozy of an episode! So much to unpack here in our first discussion of The Forensic Certified Public Accountant and the Cremated 64-SQUARES Financial Statements. We’ve got kidnapped mascots, hi-tech spy gear, and world record fast marriage proposals. … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-31-i-titus-uno" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 31 – I, Titus Uno"</span></a></p>

Well, we’ve found a new book to read together, and it certainly appears to be something special. More in the vein of “Eye of Argon”, this is one that was never going to hit the best seller list. But based on early scans it seems like it will be a lot of fun to dive … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-30-manifesto-in-book-form" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 30 – Manifesto in Book Form"</span></a></p>

Well, the pace sure as hell was unrelenting, folks. We’ve reached the end of TekWar, and there both is and isn’t a lot to talk about. Chest-high walls, disdainful robot pimps, the brief and wondrous life of Sonny Hokori are all just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks to all who hitched their wagons to … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-29-what-the-hell-was-that" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 29 – What The Hell Was That?"</span></a></p>

If you’d told us way back in Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori, if we’d still be having meetings about Sonny Hokori 150 pages later, we would have thrown the book across the room. And yet, here we are. We’re back after the holiday break (feeling kind of glum, guess we just miss Ogden … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-28-als-house-of-lucite" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 28 – Al’s House of Lucite"</span></a></p>

Chapter 22 of Tekwar may be the second stupidest chapter we’ve read on this podcast. The first, of course, being the one in Armada where The Emissary just, you know, cures cancer and every other disease. But this one is close. We will explain why in great detail. We’ll also FINALLY meet one of the … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-27-a-heavy-airquotes-simple-plan" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 27 – A Heavy Airquotes Simple Plan"</span></a></p>

Roll your cartoon wolf tongues back into your mouths, we’ve got a new episode! This week we finally get to meet the lusted after Beth Kittridge… Well, kind of… Mike also coins a new, revolting portmanteau for our favorite author duo: Shatlart, while Conor does his best to try to pronounce the name Ogden, which … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-26-located-in-the-exact-center-of-your-podcast-app" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 26 – Located in the Exact Center of your Podcast App"</span></a></p>

Look, we all love Sonny Hokori and Bennet Sands and Dr. Kittridge’s insanely hot daughter. We love to hear Jake discuss those people in quirky alleys with people we’ve never met and probably will never hear from again. But for the love of god, do we need FOUR CONSECUTIVE CHAPTERS of these meetings??? In this … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-25-meetings-about-sonny-hokori" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 25 – Meetings About Sonny Hokori"</span></a></p>

To the inattentive and brainless layman* it might appear that not much happened during this stretch of TekWar. Mostly Jake aka Jonatha and Juanito aka The Android(???) just sat and talked to people about other people we haven’t met yet. Somehow, we discussed this for nearly two hours. Folks stepped up their fanfic this time … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-24-el-pelo-hinchable" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 24 – ¡El Pelo Hinchable!"</span></a></p>

Steeple your chrome fingers against your chrome nose and tell maw to cork it, here’s our first Tekwar episode! We’ve got a ton to cover here: the difference between Airvans and Skycabs. Coppery racism. Oddly specific and ever increasing intervals of time. And printing, my god the printing! A hearty plasthanks to our Patreon … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-23-plasepisode-plastwenty-plasthree" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 23 – Plasepisode Plastwenty Plasthree"</span></a></p>

Let’s not delay this any longer: We’ve got a new book picked out to read together, and by all accounts it’s gonna be a doozy. So let’s say goodbye to Norgolia and move on to… Well, you’ll have to listen to find out! We didn’t know the assignment for MYSTERY BOOK REDACTED when we recorded, … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-22-book-four-reveal" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 22 – Book Four Reveal!"</span></a></p>

It feels like we just started Grignr’s journey, but it’s already time to finish The Eye of Argon. Fortunately, the second half is just as amazing as the first half, with out of left field seizures, deadly rat pelvis bones, reeking maws, husking femmes, and iycks! We’ll also take a look at how the … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-21-mo-shamen-maw-problems" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 21 – Mo’ Shamen, Maw Problems"</span></a></p>

Wow! The Eye of Argon more than surpassed our expectations. Our ovals widened rotundly with every additional sentence Theis crafted. My god, the first four (4.5, really) chapters were only like six thousand words and we spent nearly two hours discussing them! Obviously there’s a lot to cover here as Grignr makes his way through … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-20-hope-you-like-adjectives" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 20 – Hope You Like Adjectives!"</span></a></p>

We teased it in our last episode, but we’re finally ready to reveal to you: our next book is called The Eye of Argon. We figured, what could possibly carry the torch of Ernest Cline’s terrible books, and decided: how about a typo-riddled fantasy novella written five decades ago by a sixteen year old who … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-19-the-eye-of-argon" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 19 – The Eye of Argon"</span></a></p>

We are back! Don’t worry, there is no new Ernest Cline book. But we’ve decided to launch back up to try to tackle some books which may be just as bad or even worse! DO NOT GET TOO EXCITED! There’s no real content in this episode. It is just A Crummy Commercial for our new Patreon. … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-18-a-crummy-commercial" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 18 – A Crummy Commercial"</span></a></p>

Recorded live at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis on April 11th, this is our first ever live show… Is how this post used to start before the recording of our live show was lost in an epic tech meltdown! But never fear, Mike and Conor have reunited to rediscuss the Ready Player One movie, in possibly … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-17-well-do-it-live-or-will-we" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 17 – We’ll Do It Live… Or Will We?"</span></a></p>

When we last left Zack Lightman, he was submerged beneath the Antarctic Ocean, trying to retrieve his father and save the world. But then it was getting close to happy hour, so Ernest Cline decided to just wrap things up and hit publish on one of the most unsatisfying, unbelievably rushed endings we’ve ever seen. … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-16-and-then-all-that-happened-the-end" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 16 – And Then All That Happened, The End"</span></a></p>

As humanity’s potential end draws near, our heroes still have not been allowed to say goodbye to their loved ones back on Earth. So they all do what any normal person would do in that situation: bang the hell of out someone they just met a few hours ago. Mike and Conor’s faces contort as … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-15-some-light-pre-apocalypse-boning" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 15 – Some Light, Pre-Apocalypse Boning"</span></a></p>

The Europan death armada is just hours away, and mankind’s last defense force is behaving about how you’d expect: grinning, crushing hard, and making references to classic 80s horror anthologies. With only 100 pages left in the book, Mike and Conor are convinced that events that advance the plot forward may soon begin to actually … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-14-a-general-uses-the-term-snackage" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 14 – A General Uses the Term “Snackage”"</span></a></p>

The calendars may say that it’s March, but to us it’s Clinetober! Here at 372 Pages we’re power-leaping into the month like a terrible Godzilla simile from the classic Toho kaiju flick Godzilla. This week’s reading may have broken the all-time record for most notes scrawled in the margins of our copies of Armada. Conor … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-13" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 13 – Or as it Came to be Known, Episode 13"</span></a></p>

Mike and Conor cover an absolutely thrilling stretch of Armada in this episode. Hold your breath because we’re about to discuss all of this: not one but TWO phone contact exchanging scenes, not one but TWO briefings in a large auditorium, and to cap it all off: an EULA acceptance scene!!! We’ll also explore some … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-12" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 12 – The Hot Geek Girl Laughed at my Episode Title"</span></a></p>

In this episode we meet Zack’s insanely hot TV addicted gamer mom. Turns out the Hot but Relateable Mom trope isn’t just a Clineian invention, and Conor reveals where he’s seen it turn up recently. Also, Mike was able to pull some strings and secure a scene from the movie version of Armada, a movie … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-11-insanely-hot-but-relateable-moms" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 11 – Insanely hot (but relateable) moms"</span></a></p>

In this first fifty pages of Armada, our hero sees a flying saucer, reads a giant list of movie release dates, and then goes to work. Somehow we talked about this sequence of events for 1 hour and 20 minutes. We also get caught up on what Conor and Mike read in between Cline novels, … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-10-what-have-we-done" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 10 – What Have We Done?"</span></a></p>

We’re back with a new season! Join us as we read Ernest Cline’s followup to RP1, Armada. We’re extremely excited to read what is widely regarded as Cline’s bad novel. We’ll talk about our expectations, see if we can guess whether a critic was reviewing RP1 or Armada, and play a quick round of Real … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-9-season-2-armada" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 9 – Season 2: Armada"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here We’re done!!! After one last robot fight, video game speedrun, and rote recitation of a popular “geek” movie, we’ve finally reached the titular 372nd page. Tune in for the Dumb Sentence … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-8-1980s-reference" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 8 – 1980s Reference"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here In this episode, Wade Watts faces the possibility of a lifetime of slavery! But then he gets out of it easily thanks to his hacking prowess, which he totally has had … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-7-1973-was-my-favorite-year-in-the-80s" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 7 – 1973 Was My Favorite Year in the 80s"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here Join us in our detailed recreation of the living room from Family Ties for Episode 6! The gunt is in it’s homestretch, so what better time to pause your novel for … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-6-rush-for-a-change-of-atmosphere" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 6 – Rush for a Change of Atmosphere"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here This week we’re talking Wade’s Rig. And folks — it is a hell of a rig. We’ll also discuss the seemingly booming post-apocalyptic economy that makes all this gunting possible, venture … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-5-several-discreet-openings" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 5 – Several Discreet Openings"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here We’ll discuss whether eating rotted Greenland shark meat is better than Ready Player One, take a thrilling look at server redundancy and connection lag, analyze various rigs, and examine what has … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-4-delightful-80s-references-and-several-hundred-dead-children" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 4 – Delightful 80’s References and Several Hundred Dead Children!"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here It’s another classic episode of 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back! We’ll guess whether passages came from RP1 Fan Fiction or the novel itself, break down our hero’s obsession with the … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-3-ducks-and-hairy-knuckled-chucks" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 3 – Ducks and Hairy Knuckled Chucks"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here Update your Gunter Wiki, crapburgers, it’s time for a new episode! This week we calibrate our tastes with Mike’s, delve into the delightful parenthetical autistism of James Halliday, take a closer … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-2-a-list-and-a-lich" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 2 – A List and a Lich"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here In this episode, we’ll learn how calibrated your tastes are with Conor’s, meet our Rubenesque main characters, discuss the book’s generously amorphous definition of 80s pop culture, examine how hard it … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-1-a-miniseries-about-a-housecoat" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 1 – A Miniseries About a Housecoat"</span></a></p>

Support the podcast on Patreon to get every episode a week early, and a ton of other exclusive content: patreon.com/372pages Get the book here Welcome to 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back! This is a podcast book club where we are reading the bestselling novel Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. In this episode, Mike … <p class="link-more"><a href="http://372pages.com/episode-0-a-book-were-probably-going-to-hate" class="more-link">Continue reading<span class="screen-reader-text"> "Episode 0 – A Book We’re Probably Going to Hate"</span></a></p>