Your Friend, The Therapist

Narcissism, Gaslighting, and High-Control GroupsAlisa Stamps is a therapist who helps adult children of narcissists, cult abuse and religious trauma survivors, and those struggling with disordered eating and body image overcome their emotional and relational trauma so that they can discover their true authentic selves. She is the author of The Gaslighting Recovery Journal--Prompts and Practices for Healing from Emotional Abuse and host of the podcast, You're Not the Crazy One!. You can find all the information about Alisa’s book and podcast and information about how to work with her on her website, https://www.alisastamps.com/. You can also follow along on Instagram at @alisastamps.therapist. SummaryIn this conversation, Alisa Stamps discusses her personal background and upbringing in a conservative Jewish synagogue. Alisa also explores her fascination with high control groups and cults, particularly in relation to narcissistic family systems. She explains the concept of gaslighting and its use in manipulation and control. Alisa highlights the impact of moral and religious gaslighting and the “never enough” mentality. She discusses the roots of narcissistic behavior and the projection of self-hatred onto others. Finally, Alisa shares her journey from being a music teacher to becoming a therapist and the inspiration behind her podcast, You're Not the Crazy One!.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

The Way You Feel Is More Important Than The Way You Look Libby is an artist who was in the Presbyterian Church in America until she was 38. Libby describes herself as a nature-loving Atheopaganist, neuro-spicy queer dryad with misophonia. Libby is a parent to three kids and lover of French fries. You can follow Libby on Instagram at @libby_newell. In this conversation, Kari interviews artist Libby Newell about her relationship to high control religion and the role of art in her deconstruction journey. They discuss the impact of Calvinism, the shift in Libby's relationship to the land, and the importance of body acceptance and reclamation. They also explore how art has been a tool for processing and communication, as well as a source of joy and healing. The conversation highlights the messages and challenges faced in high control religion, the discovery of queerness and neurodivergence, and the importance of validating personal experiences.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Moriah Conant (she/they) is a psychologist-in-training who specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community, especially in the areas of trauma, identity development, and identity integration. She utilizes a relational psychodynamic approach to therapy, along with feminist psychology and LGBTQIA+ affirming psychology. They are particularly passionate about helping people heal from religious trauma. You can follow Moriah on Instagram at @mconantpsychology. In this conversation, Moriah and Kari discuss their personal experiences with high control religion and Moriah’s research on identity development for gender and sexual orientation. They highlight the lack of training for mental health providers in working with queer populations and the unintentional harm caused by ignorance. Moriah emphasizes the importance of integrating spirituality into therapy and the challenges faced specifically by bisexual individuals. They also discuss the relational psychodynamic approach and the significance of feminist psychology and a systems perspective. Moriah shares the importance of self-care and finding queer joy in their work.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

An Ice Age Dildo That’s Older Than Jesus: The Sex Ed You Didn’t Get In Purity CultureErica Smith is an award winning sexuality educator and consultant with over 20 years of experience. Throughout her career, she has provided comprehensive sex education and advocacy to young women and LGBTQ+ youth in Philadelphia’s juvenile justice system, worked in abortion care, and supported HIV+ and transgender adolescents and their families. In 2019, she developed the Purity Culture Dropout™️ Program to help people learn all of the sex education that they missed growing up in purity culture- sex ed that is accurate, queer inclusive, trauma informed, compassionate, and comprehensive. She has since worked with hundreds of people to help them learn about healthy sexuality after high control religion. Erica lives in Philadelphia with her partner and house full of rescue animals.You can follow Erica on Instagram at @ericasmith.sex.ed or learn more about working with her on her website purityculturedropout.com. SummaryIn this conversation, Kari Fillian interviews Erica Smith, an award-winning sexuality educator and consultant, about her work with individuals who have experienced purity culture. Erica shares her personal background and her motivation for working with those who have been harmed by high control religion. They discuss the impact of purity culture on people's relationship to their bodies, sexuality, pleasure, and gender identity. Erica emphasizes the importance of defining one's own sexual values and challenges the harmful messages of purity culture. They also explore the history of sex and sexuality, including the history of sex toys and abortion. In this conversation, Erica emphasizes the importance of understanding the history of sex education and the cultural influences behind it. She discusses her current offerings, including individual sessions, private client work, and the purity culture dropout private community. Erica also shares the upcoming theme of her classes, which will focus on bodies. She explains how working with her one-on-one involves tackling specific topics and providing resources. Additionally, Erica discusses the value of her non-purity culture background in helping clients navigate their experiences. The resources mentioned in this episode are:The book Shameless: A Sexual Reformation by Nadia Bolz-WeberOur Bible AppYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Spiritual Identity DisruptionFor over two decades, Rebekah Drumsta has held a global presence through devoting her efforts to various nonprofits and organizations. Her background is diverse, including educational and mental health content development, international relations, and public speaking. Currently, Rebekah is the Interim Chief Executive Officer of NPE Friends Fellowship, an international non-profit organization which assists individuals, and their families, who have received unexpected results from an at-home DNA test. Rebekah is also a consultant, writer, and advocate at RebekahDrumsta.com with the mission of supporting survivors of spiritual abuse and religious trauma by providing resources to educate and equip not only survivors, but the public as well. Sharing her own story to help others who have had similar life experiences is at the heart of Rebekah’s purpose. She is a board member with the Attachment and Trauma Network and a former board member of The Vashti Initiative.Rebekah’s hobbies include binge watching riveting shows, thrifting with her family, international travel, and dabbling in all things creative and artistic. Rebekah and her family reside in Texas. Rebekah holds undergraduate and advanced degrees in: Urban Ministry and Family Crisis, Counseling, and Religious Education and is also a Certified Professional Life Coach. She has made appearances on and consulted with sources including BBC, NBC and ABC, and a variety of other platforms such as podcasts and film projects.Rebekah’s book, When Family Hurts: 30 Days to Finding Healing and Clarity, was released in December of 2021. She is a co-author of the research paper, Percentage of U.S. Adults Suffering from Religious Trauma: A Sociological Study, as well as an author in the 2023 collaborative book, Hope in the 2020s: Encouragement for our time.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Hannah Brents is a therapist with a private practice in Massachusetts, Texas, and Florida. She also has a background in religious studies, yoga, and meditation. You can find her on Instagram at @theologytherapist.You can listen to her episode on Season 1 of Your Friend The Therapist here: Meditation & Spirituality After High Control Religion with Hannah Brents.In this conversation, therapist Hannah Brents and host Kari Fillian discuss the connection between sexuality, the body, and spirituality. They explore the impact of high control religion and purity culture on individuals' relationships with their bodies and sexuality. They also delve into the concept of Eros and its connection to spirituality, as well as the experiences of mystics who had erotic visions of the divine. The conversation highlights the importance of embodiment and curiosity in exploring and reclaiming one's sexuality and spirituality. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Healing From Purity Culture through The Divorced Virgin ProjectThe Divorced Virgin Project, created by Mindy Tyler, is a comprehensive program dedicated to the transformative journey of religious deconstruction, integration and healing.You can follow Mindy on Instagram @thedivorcedvirgin and The Divorced Virgin Project at @thedivorcedvirginproject. You can also learn more about the project at https://www.thedivorcedvirginproject.com/. Mindy Tyler shares her journey of religious deconstruction and healing in the Divorced Virgin Project. Growing up in an evangelical community, Mindy experienced the influence of purity culture and the challenges of questioning and leaving the faith. She now identifies as a spiritual atheist, finding connection to nature and science. The Divorced Virgin Project was inspired by Mindy's own experiences and the need for a comprehensive program to address religious trauma and provide healing modalities. The project covers various topics, including body shaming, diet culture, and psychedelic therapy. In this episode, Mindy discusses the importance of exploring different healing modalities beyond therapy, especially for individuals with complex trauma. She shares insights from her Divorced Virgin Project and Mindy reflects on the most difficult and rewarding aspects of the project, including personal growth and healing. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

The Power of Storytelling in the Deconstruction ProcessMaggie (she/her) runs the instagram account @hello_deconstructionists and hosts the podcast Hello Deconstructionists, where she is building community post evangelicalism. She is a religious trauma survivor and a dedicated therapy client where she’s working hard to understand who she is outside of religion. Her goal is to share parts of her own story and bring other survivors together to help them know they’re not alone on their deconstruction journey.In this conversation, Kari Fillian interviews Maggie Harrigan, the host of the Hello Deconstructionist podcast. They discuss Maggie's journey of healing from religious trauma and her activism in the deconstruction space. They explore the power of storytelling and the importance of sharing personal experiences. Maggie shares her experiences of navigating relationships with family and friends and offers advice to her 16-year-old self. Listen to Maggie’s podcast, Hello Deconstructionists, here. You can listen to Maggie’s episode on season one of Your Friend The Therapist here. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Guest BioMichelle F. Moseley is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in North Carolina. She believes ALL people deserve respect, compassion, and access to mental and physical healthcare. Michelle specializes in working with survivors of religious trauma and spiritual abuse, and those who are exiting a high-control religion. She also works with folks around body image concerns, anxiety, grief, and life transitions. In addition to her clinical work, Michelle provides education about mental health for faith leaders and enjoys exploring all that North Carolina has to offer in her free time.You can find Michelle on her website https://michellefmoseley.com/ and on Instagram @therapy_with_michelle.SummaryMichelle F. Moseley, a licensed mental health counselor, discusses her personal experience with high control religion and how it led her to specialize in working with survivors of religious trauma and spiritual abuse. She also addresses the intersection of diet culture and purity culture, highlighting the judgmental hierarchy, disconnection from the body, and moral-based language that both cultures perpetuate. Michelle emphasizes the need for understanding and support for those navigating the complexities of leaving high control religion and finding community outside of it. In this conversation, Michelle Moseley discusses the relationship between high control religion and body image. She explains how individuals in high control religions receive messages about body image from both their religious teachings and the broader culture. These conflicting messages can create a constant focus on body image and lead to struggles with self-acceptance. Michelle also shares her work as an educator, teaching faith leaders about mental health and the impact of purity culture. She emphasizes the importance of faith leaders understanding the power of their words and the need for self-care and honoring personal rhythms.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Background03:08 The Impact of High Control Religion08:26 Transition to Mental Health Counseling13:20 Finding Community and Training24:13 Defining Diet Culture and Purity Culture26:13 The Relationship Between Diet Culture and Purity Culture29:48 Intersection of Diet Culture and Purity Culture35:05 The Impact of Purity Culture on Women37:36 Power Dynamics and Dependency38:05 Relationship between high control religion and body image39:27 The impact of high control religion on body image struggles40:08 The constant pressure to change one's body41:23 The difficulty of resting and accepting one's body43:23 Educating faith leaders about mental health47:19 The importance of faith leaders understanding purity culture and body image48:39 Taking care of oneself and honoring personal rhythms50:38 The power of words and the impact of faith leaders52:10 Rapid fire questions55:00 Where to find Michelle's workYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Megan Von Fricken is a licensed clinical social worker with a virtual psychotherapy practice where she specializes in helping people recover from religious harm. You can follow Megan on Instagram at @reclaimingself.therapy.You can listen to Megan’s episode on Season 1 of Your Friend The Therapist here: Accepting Your Authentic Self with Megan Von Fricken. In this conversation, Megan Von Fricken, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in helping people recover from religious harm, discusses her own experience with high control religion and the process of deconstructing her beliefs. She explores the intersection of family trauma and religious trauma, highlighting the concept of generational religious trauma. Megan emphasizes the importance of grieving the losses associated with leaving a high control group and finding ways to rebuild and create new experiences. She also discusses the role of anger and the need for self-compassion in the healing process. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Emily Maynard (she/her) is a licensed therapist in California. She grew up at the intersection of Evangelical and Fundamentalist Christianity, and now she specializes in helping people heal from religious trauma. She loves helping smart, sensitive people embody new stories. You can find Emily on Instagram at @emilymaynardlmft and on her website https://emilymaynardtherapy.com/. In this conversation, Kari and Emily discuss the roots of purity culture, the challenges of dating after deconstructing purity culture, and how to love your body and overcome shame. They also explore the topic of raising children outside of purity culture and provide resources for further education and support. TakeawaysPurity culture is a comprehensive system that teaches complete sexual abstinence until marriage and often includes emotional purity, modesty, and strict courtship practices.Purity culture is rooted in patriarchy and the control of women's bodies, and it can have harmful effects on both men and women.Dating after deconstructing purity culture requires education, deconstructing the idea of 'the one,' and learning how to show up authentically in relationships.Loving your body and overcoming shame involves a process of education, reflection, community, and self-compassion.Raising children outside of purity culture involves doing your own work, educating yourself and your children about healthy sexuality, and creating an open and informed environment for discussions about consent, boundaries, and relationships. Teach children about autonomy and body positivity from an early age, encouraging them to ask for consent and respect their own boundaries.Create a no-shame experience of sexuality by providing access to less exploitative images and promoting open conversations about bodies and sexuality.Consciously work on developing relationship skills, including communication, conflict resolution, and the ability to show up as yourself.Build meaningful relationships by embracing genuine communication, conflict resolution, and personal growth.Mentioned in this episode:Emily’s first appearance on Your Friend The Therapist#ChurchToo: How Purity Culture Upholds Abuse and How To Find Healing by Emily Joy AllisonCome As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, PhDBetter Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire by Lori A. Brotto, PhDPolysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fernhttps://www.scarleteen.com/Check out Emily's recommended book list: https://emilymaynardtherapy.com/book-list Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Brandon Flanery is an ex-pastor, ex-missionary, and ex-evangelical who writes about the tenuous intersection of faith and sexuality. He’s conducted research on the consequences of beliefs and why people are leaving Christianity. His writings are featured in The Scribe, Baptist News Global, the University of Colorado, and the Colorado Springs Indy, and his debut book, Stumbling: A Sassy Memoir about Coming Out of Evangelicalism, premiered August 2023. In addition to being a writer, Flanery co-founded the LGBTQ Christian dating app, believr.In this conversation, Kari and Brandon discuss Brandon’s experiences with high control religion and the intersection of faith and sexuality. He shares his background in evangelical non-denominational megachurch culture and the impact it had on his identity as a gay person. Brandon reflects on the control and manipulation he experienced within these religious organizations and how it affected his sense of agency. He also explores his journey of discovering his desires and wants, and how he has found freedom in exploring different spiritual beliefs and practices. He also highlights the teachings of gender and sexuality and the need to befriend and embrace one's own sexuality. You can buy Brandon’s book, explore his writings, and find all social media handles at BrandonFlanery.com. Follow him on Instagram and TikTok @flanbran.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

SummaryIn this episode, Kari introduces the concept of religious harm and adverse religious experiences. She defines religious harm as any experience of a religious belief, practice, or structure that undermines an individual's sense of safety or autonomy and negatively impacts their well-being. Kari explains that adverse religious experiences can lead to trauma, but the way trauma is experienced varies from person to person. She discusses the difference between spiritual trauma and religious trauma, emphasizing that all trauma is spiritual trauma. The episode concludes with a reminder to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed.TakeawaysReligious harm refers to experiences within a religious context that undermine an individual's well-being.Adverse religious experiences can lead to trauma, but the way trauma is experienced varies from person to person.Purity culture and shame are examples of adverse religious experiences that can have long-lasting effects.Abuse and mistreatment within religious institutions are forms of religious harm that can cause trauma.It is important to differentiate between spiritual trauma and religious trauma, as they have distinct but interconnected impacts.Self-care and seeking professional help are crucial in healing from religious harm.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Definition of Religious Harm01:25 Adverse Religious Experiences03:10 Understanding Trauma04:38 Religious Harm and Trauma05:39 Examples of Adverse Religious Experiences06:37 Purity Culture and Shame07:05 Additional Adverse Religious Experiences08:31 Abuse and Religious Institutions10:24 Responsibility and Fear in Religious Settings11:25 Differentiating Spiritual and Religious Trauma13:24 Self-Care and DisclaimerResources mentioned in the episode include:The Religious Trauma InstituteThe Reclamation Collective Therapist DirectoryKari’s writing about trauma & adverse religious experiencesYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

The Cycle Chats Network is a collection of women hosted podcasts that look to have thought provoking conversations that will inspire you to break the cycle of generational traumas, societals pressures, mental health stigmas, women's health advocacy, and toxic relationships. Each of the Cycle Chats shows looks to empower you to break the patterns within yourself that no longer serve you through the use of education, self discovery tools, and a little bit of humor! In this conversation, Emily and Stephanie, of the Cycle Chats Network join Kari to discuss various topics, including their many podcasts, what wellness means to them, setting boundaries in a business partnership, and supporting fellow podcasters. The ladies discuss the importance of boundaries to maintain a healthy work-life balance. They also highlight the value of collaboration and supporting other podcasters, what women empowerment means to them, and how they take care of themselves in a world full of patriarchal b******t.Sync Up With The Cycle Chats ladies:Website: https://www.cyclechats.com/Instagram: @cyclechatsnetworkYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Rachel Duvall (she/her), LICSW, MFA, is an actor and dancer turned therapist who specializes in helping individuals heal from anxiety, trauma, and burnout. She's inspired to help others find true, effective self-care after many years of burnout and secondary trauma in the world of non-profits. She integrates somatic and trauma therapies like Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and EMDR with expressive arts therapy approaches. She lives with her family in Western Massachusetts. You can learn more about her practice on Instagram @rachelduvalltherapy and at her website https://rachelduvallpsychotherapy.com/. Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.This podcast is free to listen to and download. If you'd like to support my work in creating this podcast, you are welcome to make a donation via PayPal. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Healing from Religious Trauma & Reclaiming Your Inherent Goodness with Rachel TumlinsonRachel (she/her) is a certified Somatic Practitioner who has training in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She writes about healing from trauma (especially religious trauma) as she is a survivor herself, as well as a mother of two living in Corpus Christi, Texas.You can connect with Rachel on Instagram at @marigold.mire.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Maria Moore (she/her) spent the first years of her life as an Old Colony Mennonite in Mexico. Her life exposed her to emotional and sexual abuse which was also the life that her mother endured. Generational trauma and the murder of her father are the foundations with which she was provided at a young age. Through education (as a registered nurse) she has learned how to take the shame of her past to educate and empower others with similar challenges. She has written a book - Not My Kind of Mennonite - to bring attention to the struggles of her parents as they moved out of the colony and tried to make a life in Canada. A murder, a criminal trial, addiction, mental health struggles, abuse and the breakdown of a family set the tone of this true story.You can connect with Maria on Instagram @authormariamoore and on her website https://www.notmykindofmennonite.com/ where you can purchase her book, Not My Kind of Mennonite.The death packet Kari spoke about in the episode is from Mark Green’s Atheopaganism Blog and is linked here.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Jessica Schafer (she/her) spends most of her time at the moment parenting three littles and when she's not doing that she loves to write poetry, be outside, make things with her hands and listen to people in a deep and supportive way.You can connect with Jessica on Instagram @jessicawiebeschafer and on her website jessicawiebeschafer.com where you can purchase her collection of poems, Maybe This Is A Story About Water.The books mentioned in the episode are listed below:The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health and Lifelong Thriving by Lisa MillerRewriting Eve: Rescuing Women’s Stories From The Bible and Reclaiming Them As Our Own by Ronna DetrickThe Red Tent by Anita DiamantThe Book of Longings by Sue Monk KiddGod Is A Black Woman by Christena Cleveland, PhDDance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine by Sue Monk KiddFind a Spiritual Director/Companion on the Spiritual Directors International website. Jessica especially recommends Kyndall Rae Rothaus as a spiritual director for people on a deconstruction journey and her book Thy Queendom Come: Breaking Free From The Patriarchy to Save Your Soul.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Maggie (she/her) runs the instagram account @hello_deconstructionists where she is building community post evangelicalism. She is a religious trauma survivor and a dedicated therapy client where she’s working hard to understand who she is outside of religion. Her goal is to share parts of her own story and bring other survivors together to help them know they’re not alone on their deconstruction journey.Buy @hello_deconstructionists merch here.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

My guests today are Natalie Wong, Mandee Nicole, and Katie Kuntz-Wineland. You can follow and connect with these guests in the following places:Natalie Wong (she/her) can be found on Instagram at @exevangelicalnz. You can listen to Natalie’s previous episode on Your Friend, The Therapist here.Mandee Nicole (she/her) can be found on Instagram at @innerlightbotanicals, on Facebook at ⁠⁠⁠Inner Light Botanicals⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and online at www.innerlightbotanicals.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. You can also listen to her podcast, Just Earthly Podcast, on Spotify.Katie Kuntz-Wineland(she/her) can be found on Instagram at @thebelongingtable and online at https://thebelongingtable.wordpress.com/, where you can also find information about accessing support during the holidays.Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Jen Ellis (she/her) is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and has a virtual private practice in Massachusetts. She works 1:1 with folks in their twenties and thirties around anxiety, burnout, high sensitivity and family of origin concerns. She also enjoys her work with folks in the helping professions. A big part of Jen's work is helping clients recognize their self-worth and values and becoming more compassionate towards themselves. Jen enjoys being with nature, recognizing the simple beauties around us, and spending time with her husband and two rescue dogs, Trudy and Lincoln.You can find Jen at her website www.jenellislmhc.com and on Instagram @jenellistherapy. You can find the resources mentioned in the episode linked below:Brene Brown’s list of valuesJourney Through Trauma by Gretchen Schmelzer Podcast Episode: Being A Highly Sensitive Person with Liza DetenberJen also loves the following self-help books (that were not mentioned in the show):The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl PaulI Didn’t Do the Thing Today by Madeleine DoreYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.A transcript of this episode is available here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Emily Maynard (she/her) is a licensed therapist in California. She grew up at the intersection of Evangelical and Fundamentalist Christianity, and now she specializes in helping people heal from religious trauma. She loves helping smart, sensitive people embody new stories.You can connect with Emily on her website www.emilymaynardtherapy.com and on Instagram at @emilymaynardlmft. The books mentioned in this episode are:Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring For Self While Caring for Others by Laura Vandernoot Lipsky#ChurchToo: How Purity Culture Upholds Abuse and How to Find Healing by Emily Joy AllisonBurnout: The Secret To Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMAYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod and online at https://www.karifillian.com/your-friend-the-therapist-podcast. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com/You can listen to the show on Substack, Spotify & Apple Podcasts.A transcript of this episode is available here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Jeremy Schumacher (he/him) is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Wellness with Jer. Jeremy is also the host of the "Your Therapist Needs Therapy" podcast.You can connect with Jeremy on his website www.wellnesswithjer.com. He’s also on Instagram @wellnesswithjer and Youtube. Check out his podcast, Your Therapist Needs Therapy, wherever you listen to podcasts! (You can find my conversation with Jeremy on his podcast here).Your Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod and online at https://www.karifillian.com/your-friend-the-therapist-podcast. Subscribe to my Substack for more musings: https://substack.com/@yourfriendthetherapist You can listen to the show on Spotify & Apple Podcasts.A transcript of this episode is available here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Stacey Schultz (they/she) is a board certified massage therapist and Rosen Method Bodywork Practitioner in Minneapolis, MN. Stacey holds space for those deconstructing from religion and/or embracing their queer identity. They believe deeply in the transformative power of touch and presence. You can connect with Stacey on Instagram at @stacey.l.schultz. website: staceylschultz.comYour Friend, The Therapist is hosted and produced by Kari Fillian. You can follow the show on Instagram at @yourfriendthetherapistpod and online at https://www.karifillian.com/your-friend-the-therapist-podcast.You can listen to the show on Spotify & Apple Podcasts.A transcript of this episode is available here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Megan Von Fricken is a licensed clinical social worker with a virtual psychotherapy practice where she specializes in helping people recover from religious harm.You can find Megan on Instagram at @reclaimingself.therapy.Books we mentioned in the episode are:A Radical Awakening by Dr. ShefaliNo Bad Parts by Richard SchwartzFind a transcript of our conversation here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Natalie Wong lives in Auckland NZ with her whanau. She is an ex evangelical and ex Mormon and is now a proud Atheist. Through deconstructing from evangelicalism and mormonism, she has learned to embrace mental health diagnoses and is figuring out how to balance mental well being while juggling neurodivergency (and just life in general).You can find Natalie on Instagram at @exevangelicalnz. Find a copy of the transcript for this conversation here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Emilee is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate located in Dallas. Emilee is licensed in Texas and Utah and she works with young adult females who have religious trauma, people-pleasing tendencies, or both. She is a recovering people-pleaser herself & continues to heal from her own religious hurt from her Mormon upbringing. Her therapeutic approach is humanistic, strengths-based & relational, as she helps her clients gain self-trust & cultivate safety while understanding how their past pains have impacted their present relationships & experiences. You can find Emilee on Instagram at @religious.trauma.with.emilee and @therapy.with.emilee, and you can find her on the internet at https://www.therapywithemilee.com/. You can find a full transcript of my conversation with Emilee here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Liza Detenber, LICSW, is a therapist for highly sensitive people experiencing anxiety and low self esteem in Massachusetts and Connecticut. She supports people ages 18 and up in managing their anxiety and owning their needs to live a confident, centered, and connected life. She uses EMDR, mindfulness, somatic (body-based) practices and parts work to support the people she works with.You can learn more about Liza at her website: https://www.lizadetenberlicsw.com/ and find her on Instagram at @liza.licsw. The resources mentioned in the show include: https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/ https://hsperson.com/ The Highly Sensitive Test by Dr. Elaine N. Aron Sensitive by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo (book) The Highly Sensitive Person by Dr. Elaine N. Aron (book)View the transcript for this episode here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Halli Carbrey, MA, LPC, is a licensed therapist in Michigan and a coach in Michigan and beyond for women experiencing low desire. She is simultaneously recovering from and treating those with religious trauma. Halli is a cult survivor who is deconstructing and creating a new normal after leaving religion and her marriage.You can find Halli on Instagram at @thedeconstructing.sextherapist.Resources mentioned in this episode are linked below:Leaving the Fold (book) by Marlene WinellWe Can Do Hard Things (podcast) with Glennon DoyleIf you or someone you know is thinking about or considering suicide, please do not hesitate to reach out to the following resources for support: Your local emergency room or 911 Call or text 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline For LGBTQ+ youth, call, text, or chat at The Trevor ProjectFor all the information shared in the bonus addendum regarding suicide prevention, please check out the article Suicide Warning Signs, Myths, and Prevention by Kari Fillian. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Vicky Truong, AMFT, APCC, is an associate marriage and family therapist and professional clinical counselor practicing out of downtown Tustin, CA. Vicky’s therapeutic approach is through a post-modern/narrative orientation that is non-pathologizing and strengths based. She is also trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (“EMDR”) for clients seeking to stop the effects of trauma from interfering with their present lives. You can find Vicky online at https://www.thewelltherapygroup.com/ and on Instagram at @therapywithvicky. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Hannah Brents is a therapist with a private practice in Massachusetts. She also has a background in religious studies, yoga, and meditation. You can find Hannah on Instagram at @theologytherapist. She also has a YouTube channel where she offers free mental health resources and support for anyone who is recovering from toxic religion and still spiritually curious. On her channel, you will learn how to recover from traumatic experiences and reclaim your identity after leaving a cult or toxic religious community, so that you can be free from shame and guilt to live according to your authentic values.Hannah also offers a monthly newsletter, which you can sign up for here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Cynthia Pecking is a marriage and relationship coach who helps couples reclaim their relationship, rewrite their love story and rediscover their sense of identity within the context of their union. Backed by a deep understanding of psychology and a transformation story of her own, Cynthia has helped countless couples reconnect and find hope again. An avid traveler and culture buff, Cynthia speaks three languages and has traded life in her native home of Kentucky, USA to build a home in Germany with her husband Alex and two kids, Max and Eva.The Blue Letter Project is an initiative to bring mindfulness back to marriage. Within this context, the term “marriage” is used interchangeably with all forms of committed relationships. The project helps women and couples reconnect with their true identities within the context of their relationship, helping them personally transform and rewrite their love stories.You can find Cynthia on Instagram at @theblueletterproject. You can also connect with her in The Blue Letter Project private group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theblueletterproject/. Download Cynthia’s free guide The Top Ten Habits of Power Couples. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com

Welcome to Your Friend, The Therapist. I'm your host, Kari Fillian, a licensed therapist and yoga teacher. On this podcast, we’re skipping the small talk and working to destigmatize mental health through intimate conversations with everyday people about their mental health journeys and how they stay well in a world that feels like it’s falling apart. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yourfriendthetherapist.substack.com