Where's the Lemonade?

Blended families bring lots of new stressors into a relationship. Anxiety is high and sometimes your attempts to help your family to blend just increases the anxiety for everyone. In this episode, Darren & Paige talk about causes of anxiety and how to deal with anxiety in your family.Finding the cause - It is right in your face.Establishing a new family structurenew parent stylesdifferent methods of disciplinedifferent expectations of how children should behaveSteep learning curveCo-Parenting with your Ex. Children become pawns in the broken relationship. Watch out for this.Someone else is in the picture when you are raising your new family.How to lessen the anxietyIt’s about testing what works and what doesn’t work while making sure that children feel safe and secure in the process.Sit down and establish ground rules before your blend the families. Hard to do because you have on rose-colored glasses. Adults need to work hard to make everyone feel equal in the house.6 ideas to lessen the anxietyFigure out a co-parenting plan with your spouse early on.When you start to feel overwhelmed, take it one hurdle at a time.See your family -- including the exes -- as a team.Invest in a chore chartRemind yourself to celebrate even the smallest of victories.Whatever you do, don't aim for perfection.Time and acceptance of your new reality. If you keep hoping for something outside of your control will change it will continue to increase the anxiety. Known when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run. Change your expectations. Get over the one-sided parenting. It is okay to be the one that does not put the kids in the middle. Pick what is worth the anxiety. Let other things go. Get rid of the feeling that you need to "Win".Articles.- http://www.essentialkids.com.au/development-advice/development/the-anxiety-of-the-blended-family-20130227-2f542- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/6-ways-to-handle-stress-_n_5002607- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-ugly-truth-about-blended-families_b_589363b6e4b0b4d609210569 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

There are many studies on the adverse effects of divorce and the trials of blended families. In this episode, Darren & Paige are only looking at the "Lemonade" of blended families. That is right put on your "Rose Colored Glasses" and look at all of the benefits of a blended family. If you want all of the hard things that come with a blended family check out all of our other episodes. :) For the kidsMore Christmas presentsTwo birthdays,Two of the holidaysMore GrandparentsBonus parents.Kids can see a better model of a relationship. If you are moved past the old baggage.I broader world view. More aunts and uncles, grandparents and parents.Kids tend to become more flexible because of conflict resolution and multiple households.Kids typically score higher on emotional skills: forgiveness, generosity, and negotiation.More siblings. Sam would be an only child 100% of the time. Not just 50%.For the ParentsSometimes we don't have the kids. Some alone time.Sometimes a step-parent can fill a gap in the bio-parents. My kids' step Dad is a captain for sailing. and an Architect.Sometimes kids bring different perspectives or talents to the family.If you can move past old baggage, you can be more realistic about your relationship.Financial stability over a single parent. More than one source of income.Kids might be more honest with step-parents, be prepared to listen and take the input.Learning to love not just by instinct. More kids to love.Different world view. Blended Families include in-laws and the families are already grown up.We make sure we have learned from our mistakes of our first marriage.Teaches patience.How to make LemonadeSome of our kids did not start out liking the whole blended family.We have to approach things and find Lemonade.Make a conscious effort to be part of it.Try and find something positive out of something really bad.It takes effort and flexibility.Lemonade Moment of the WeekDarren getting older gave us an excuse to go out. But everything is locked down. Except the drive-in. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, we review what happened in 2020. What our plans were, how they adjusted, and how we grew closer together as a family. Learn about travel plans, weddings, eating habits, toilet paper and how we handled it.What we thought 2020 would bringThe year started off great with great plans for trips, weddings, and performances from the kids.Paige and the boys went to see The Cursed Child in San Francisco.Kids were in school and early morning seminary.It was David's first year to go to Youth dances and they started the year off with a house full of teenagers getting ready and going to the New Year's Eve dance. This was the first year that all three kids would be going to dances monthly. And give Paige and I some quiet time alone once a month.Trip to New York with our Daughter that just got home from her mission to New York. March 20. New York exploded with COVID and closed down. Broadway and an Opera at the Met were canceled.The year started out with great plans of an 8-week sabbatical and trips to Northern Europe in June. Canceled and sabbatical postponedMarch 13th, 2020 will be the day the pandemic really hit home for the US. Schools were canceled. All Darren's business trips were cancelled, Pandemic Websites became the most visited website in our house. Toilet paper was in shortage, We stocked up on rice, oatmeal, canned food. And buckled down for what we thought would be 3-4 months.Wedding of Andy and Jacob was being planned and re-plannedWhat 2020 actually broughtAdult Children came home during the pandemic. School, work,More time with the kidsMore family time together. Darren not traveling, kids at home not at school.Summer spent in the pool, on walks, playing games, reading, watched family shows together. Marvel movie series, DC movies, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, X-Men.Kids took Paige and Darren's workspaces. Darren Moved to the bedroom. Paige's work moved to the family room.Hard to balance when work ends every day for Darren since his office is now in the bedroom.We were eating very healthy at the beginning of the year. Losing weight for Darren. Then food became a comfort. And not the good kind of food. Lots of Cakes and cookies. Thanks Madeline.Less time with friends.Weird Travel for Jacob's Wedding in Colorado. Masks everywhere.Lots of frustration and Zoom calls.Darren's Family started having weekly family zoom calls.No in-person Church. But we started meeting outside. Until it got too cold.Socializing changed dramatically. We would have a weekly BBQ and pool party all summer long. Not this year.What 2021 might bringIn-person schoolIn-person ChurchTravel, Travel, Travel. (Family Reunion, Trips to Utah, Trip to Arkansas with David, maybe to Vienna for Christmas, Hallmark movie)Maybe a SabbaticalParties and get-togethers with our friends.A teenage driver in the house. Some quiet when the kids are in school. Back on our own schedules.A new Grandson. Thanks, Rachel and Russell.Lemonade Moment of the WeekCovid and kids at home led to overeating food not good for us. Up side we started a new diet that we are already feeling good about.Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/CiPitufrJ1g ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Blended families get judged. No doubt about it. The kids get judged, they come from a broken family, they are going to have issues in school, and in relationships in the future. And the adults do too. They didn't try hard enough in the previous marriage, they gave up too easily, or be careful around them. In this episode, Paige and Darren explore the judgment they have made and have been victims.Judging Divorced PeopleCommon JudgementsThey were selfishThey were bad communicatorsThey were lazyThey didn't put their kids firstThey didn't have faithPeople of Divorce carry the big "D" or "F" for failureDivorce is a scary thing. Many people want to steer clear of it for fear of it becoming their own reality.When Paige went through her divorce, so of her friends or their husbands were concerned about divorce being contagious.Darren felt the same way before his divorce and steered clear of divorcing couples.Having a friend or relative going through divorce increases divorce by 17% according to pew research.Being JudgedHow can a divorced person get through the stigma.We feel like we have to prove ourselves. People judge us before they know us.Divorced people just want to feel approved of and accepted by those we care about.What people think of you is none of your business. Anonymous in Artcle at the Huffington postWhen divorcing people start telling friends and family about their impending split, one great worry they have is, "What will people think?" Fear of criticism and the judgment of others abounds.Judging Kids of Divorce and Blended FamiliesKids of Divorce are brokenMental Health ProblemsBehavior ProblemsPoor Academic PerformanceRisk-Taking BehaviorsInstead of judging, have more patience, Give our kids the benefit of the doubt. Try to be understanding.Kids are navigating a lot. They are balancing two households. Maybe additional new parents or more adultsFinal Judgement and Immediate Judgement.Final Judgement means you write someone off completely.The immediate judgment gives the person the opportunity be seen as who we really are.Lemonade Moment of the WeekStress filled weekend as Madeline prepares for her drivers test. She got it. Linkshttps://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201101/what-will-people-think-when-they-find-out-im-divorcinghttps://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-things-i-used-to-judge-_b_6123356 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, Darren & Paige try to figure out how to keep things even between the kids, the ex(s), and the different houses. This is not an easy task! In fact, we find that it is impossible and probably a waste of time and effort. Time to swallow your pride and do what is best for the kids and not worry about keeping up with your ex.Trying to be even with your ExDo you get a new car when you find out your ex gets a new carVacationing equityMoving to a new houseNew CarParties for the kidsKids friend overTime helps with not feeling like keeping up. Most of the timeRemind yourself that the kids are the important thing.Don't try to keep up with your Ex.We might not enjoy doing something you might want to do it when you hear the Ex is doing with the kids.Celebrate the kids having opportunities to do more things than they would with just you.Kids wanting things evenRecently our 15 years old said. I always miss out when you do things.Sometimes kids don't have the opportunity that their step-siblings have because things are different at different houses. Like SailingStop doing things just because we don't have all of the kids.Sometime when the kids do something with their mom, we want to do the same thing with Sam. Keeping things even.Watching TV shows together. Do we wait to do it with all of the kids?Movies, Do you change your plans because they already have plans with their Mom.Try to make things even between the two houses for the kids?Pumpkin patchHikesBirthday partiesDouble the chores at two houses. But Sam only has one house to do chores.How do you make it even? Life is not fairLemonade Moment of the WeekHalloween decorations are out and it only took us 1 day. We have finally figured it out. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, Darren & Paige discuss how to resolve conflict in marriage. Sometimes things work, and sometimes they don't. Not every resolution results in a WIN-WIN solution, sometimes it is just good enough to push the answer until later. Find out how we navigate this part of our marriage.Finding Solutions to Differences of OpinionExpress Views - These are not concerns, just views. What is your positionExplore concerns - Why do you have the idea you do? And what is behind it?Select Mutually Satisfying Solutions Win-Win - Win-Lose - Lose-Lose - No one is satisfiedputting on the shelf for another time. Agree to set it aside.Rules for Discussing ProblemsDecide on a time and place to talkStay on topic - don't bring up other things.Seek to understand instead of arguing - What I hear you saying? Paige gets quiet.Let your spouse talk - Paige lets me talk.Speak softly - Ha HaTake a break, if necessary - Paige typically calls for the break. While I clean the closest.Be kind - Use appropriate language - no name-callingDiscuss current issues - No past issues.Do not use violence - Do not threaten divorce or separation - Seek spiritual helpRest and try againFind measurable solutions - No general statements, must be observablePlan the implementation of the solutionAgree on Reminders - Nagging or a reminderReevaluate and revise -Lemonade Moment of the WeekPaige gets to go to Dollywood with her Mom. A life long dream for her Mom. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, Darren and Paige discuss how things in a marriage are not always equally balanced, but focusing on unity in a marriage can overcome the ups and downs of the equality equation. How do you balance the leadership roles with household management, discipline of kids, managing money, fostering romance, and providing for the family.Fostering Equality"Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other. No marriage... is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives ... work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other's strengths."One of the greatest stumbling blocks in marital Satisfaction is sharing leadershipKids,Money,Sex,Work inside and outside of the home3 of the 10 top ten strengths of happy couples are related to Leadership sharingLove and Respect Each other as Equal PartnersWalk side by side with respect, appreciation and love.Each person in the relationship provides strengths and weaknesses to the relationship. Strengths should be focused on to cover weaknesses. Together your strengths outshine you individual weaknessesFocusing on Weaknesses breakdown the relationship and exposes the relationship and individuals.Working as a Team like a basketball or a football team. Not one player can cover the complete field. Individuals have different roles and strengths together win. The key is respect and appreciation for the strengths each brings.Making it realRoles and ControllingUltimately, the couple is responsible for everything together.Roles are taken by individuals to help achieve goals of the couple.Paying bills,Homework with kids,Financially providingCleaning House,Laundry,Yard work,Roles shift depending on the circumstances and environment at the time.Hiding information is a way of controlling.Shared Decision MakingWhen do you need to make decisions together and when can you make a decision as an individual.Money, is there a limit on how much > $500?Where to live,The discipline of kids and stepkidsWhen the decision effect the family the decision should be made together.Acting and Celebrating as OneMen and women are very different. They have different strengths. Individuals as well.The different strengths come together to make the marriage one a single entity that is stronger and happier than the individual.Very hard when you are blending families:Different attitudes toward money, disciple, Do you celebrate the success of each other's individual success?Do you celebrate together? ( Everyone gets a Superbowl ring.)Lemonade moment of the week ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren & Paige talk about the big decision on where to educate the kids. Due to COVID-19 and restrictions of being in person face to face. Tough decisions had to be made on what to do with the kids education. Once the decision was made making it all happen and as painless as possible is the next trip. Find out how we navigated the uncharted waters we are traveling. Where to educate our kidsAfter a complete disaster in schooling when COVID first hit, we quickly started looking at alternatives for the Fall.OptionsJust go with the flow and keep the kids in their normal schoolscharter schoolsOnline schoolsHomeschoolsDecisions about the school are not made alone. Ex(s) need to be on boardNot all of your kids have to do the same thing.Online School Orientation meetings and lots of videosWeeding through thousands of Emails.setting up a joint email for all of the parentsPreparing for the first day. Getting organized (Computers, printers, cords, books) color coding, cubbies, shelvesTesting computers and connectivityGetting into class early making sure everything is workingPatience and perseverance is key. Not everything will be perfect at first give it time.We are four days in and we are still working through issuesClasses scheduled at the same time.Too much work assigned on the same day.Middle School kid with no work, High Schoolers with too much.Everyone is going through these changes. (7000 new families joined K12 in the last 2 months)Blended Family Online SchoolsShared Login and Email for online school and communication.Transporting school stuff between the house. Roller board suitcase for school suppliesWe had to change our transitions times to be after school instead of during school like before.Sometimes you need to let things go and look at the big picture.Why did an email only go to one parent and not both?Focus on the kids.The little things will work themselves out.Make sure you are communicating with the ex(s). CC on email, send copies that only you get etc...Lemonade Moment of the WeekDarren gets a black market haircut. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Find out how to throw a COVID-19 wedding when children of a blended family get married. Something that could be over the top stressful turns out to be wonderful and very low stress.Blended Family twistWedding Invitations ( What names go on the invite, etc... Whose name goes first, etc...)Who is paying for what at the wedding, grooms family pays but which set of parents on the grooms family, who do you ask for whatPictures. Who is going to be in the pictures?Lists sent out ahead of time on who is going to be in the pictures.The Step-Parents get into the pictures together. Funny moment.Rehearsal dinner, Who sits next to who.Who are they going to stay with when prepping for things? Our side has double the number of a parent than the other sideWho is sitting next to who at the parents' table?We felt for the bride's family as they have to deal with two sets of parents and not knowing the dynamics between the couples.COVID RestrictionsLimited in the Temple to 6 people then up to 16 people. Ability to adjust quickly to handle the changes.Limited to 30 people for the Ring ceremonyLow-stress evening.Rehearsal Dinner the night before. Finding a restaurant to handle the group means making adjustments. Eating at 3pm instead of in the evening.The kids still got everything that they wanted, but at a smaller more intimate.Bridal Shower, Ring Ceremony, Pictures, Dancing, Wedding Cake, Sparklers,Jacob even had a bachelor party with his brothers. Lemonade Moment of the WeekWe had a car breakdown when driving from Southern California. It has be in Los Banos for two weeks and we picked it up today and it is working fine. $100 Diagnostics. Thanks Car Guys. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Darren and Paige spend a week away from the world with the family. No COVID, no riots, just the forests, canyons, and family. Learn how we disconnect from our worldly cares and have a fun time decompressing.Important to get away from the bad news of COVID, riots, etc..COVID is still there and we followed the social distancing guidelines.We took a trip from Northern California to a remote cabin in Southern Utah. Brian Head, UTThanks to Mom and Dad for letting us use your cabin.Traveling with 7 adult size peopleOur son Jacob loves MiniVans. When we tried to put everyone stuff in the minivan I was worried we could not fit it. Jacob found more storage..Option to take two cars. Jacob did not want to drive rather sit on the hump in the back.The 10 hour trip in the car with 7 adult size people. Sitting arrangement is the most important thingTraveled the loneliest highway in the US. Fallon, NV to Ely, NV is 250 Miles with 2 towns between. 4 hours of nothingness. Austin population 190, Eureka population 600.Antilope, Cows, Deer, Chipmunks, Moving road (spiders or locusts)Our week at 10,000 ft.Getting used to the altitude (drink lots of water, humidifier, lack of sleep, head aches, nose bleeds)Babies did great this time. First time our granddaughter came up to the cabin she was sick the whole time.Our plan was not to have a plan. Just relax, take some hikes, enjoy no news, ride ATVs and have fun.3 hikes that we had fun on.Cedar Breaks Elevation 10,500 ft. Alpine Pond - 2 mile hike with 500 feet elevation change. Very simple hike we took our granddaughters (1 and 4 years old).Ramparts overlook - 4 mile hike with 1500 feet elevation change. Very hard hike.Bryce canyon - 4 mile hike Queen's garden and Navajo loop. Moderate hike.One day in St. George visiting family. Great Honolulu Grill for lunch.fun time with family and parents. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

COVID-19 is starting to divide our nation and its families. Imagine trying to co-parent with different opinions on COVID safety, money problems due to layoffs, or school plans when schools start up again. There seems to be no gray area when it comes to people's feelings on all of these subjects with respect to COVID and the quarantine. In this episode, we call on a dear friend Reice Morris, a life coach, (www.riecemorris.com) to help us understand how people are dealing with this. Assumption. You don't wear a mask in the grocery store you don't care about other people.Assumption. If you wear a mask in the grocery store people think you're taking this too far and going overboard.COVID and the resulting quarantine has been divided our societySome people believe that we need to be extra cautious. Others have felt like their Liberties have been taken away.No matter what side of the debate you fall on people make assumptions about you.This is exacerbated in a blended family where multiple parents are involved in the raising of children. If one parent is more cautious than the other parent is could cause additional Strife between an already tenuous relationship.One of our friends is a life coach and has seen a huge uptick in people dealing with contentious spouses and ex-spouses about this issue.In the past threats to our country or our society has brought people together and united them in a common cause this pandemic appears to have divided our society not just in America but throughout the world.We have a son who's getting married this Summer and it's having a hard time deciding how many people can be at his wedding. Some people are saying throw caution to the wind and invite a hundred people others are saying be cautious and keep the numbers small. These are tough decisions that young married couples are making right now.One of the reasons why this is so divisive is it's an unseen enemy that is already within our borders.Another, factor is information overload. Which source do you listen to? ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

COVID-19 and the corresponding quarantine has brought out some interesting stereotypes that we have seen over the last 3 months. This recognition of stereotypes has given Paige and Darren an internal look at stereotypes that they have had about divorce and blended families. In this episode, we expose the different stereotypes of divorced people, their blended families, and how to overcome those stereotypes. Stereotypes of DivorceDivorce is a contagious diseaseDivorcees are not capable of love.Marriage is not taken seriously.You didn't try hard enough.What do you do to mess up?You are selfish.You must not be spiritual enough or close to God if you let this happen to you.You failed.Do you still let you kids play with other kids whose parents are getting divorced?Stereotypes of Blended FamiliesThe Brady Bunch is probably the first blended family.People judge you individually that you could not keep your marriage together.The kids are looked at broken. You are not from a good family anymore.Kids joke that they are going to marry an orphan so they don't have the drama.Blended Families are a negativeStepparents are blamed for the breakup of the marriageStepparents are rarely acknowledged or thanked.No step-parents day, We have one.Kids in blended families are spoiled.At church, the assumption is made that something is wrong with you. You have to prove yourself before people trust you.Kids in blended families are sad all the time.Kids of blended families have more mental disorders. ResearchKids of blended families don't perform as well academically. The research found that the stability of the household is more important than the family structure.Blended Family StatisticsSixteen percent of children live in blended families.The number of kids living in blended families has been stable for nearly thirty years.Children of Hispanic, black, and white backgrounds are equally likely to live in this type of family.Children from Asian families are half as likely as Hispanic, black, or white kids to be part of a blended family.Six of ten women's remarriages create blended families.60% to 70% of blended families fail. this is twice the number of nuclear families.Fighting assumptions Story of the man on the subway with the out of control kids.Get to know someone before you jump to assumptionsLemonade Moment of the WeekDarren accidentally cuts down the Orange tree that started growing hybrid lemons and oranges. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

COVID-19 got you down. Quarantine is playing a number on our emotional and physical selves.In this episode listen to how Darren & Paige handle their "Cabin Fever".Will anger and anxiousness take over or are there some things they have found work to ease the stress of uncertainty.Angry and AnxiousnessWill the school decide to please (Grading for Distance learning)School just did a pass/fail after our kids have been working hard to do distance learningTough situation - Needs to be fair for everyone.Are we doing distance learning in the fall?UncertaintyCan't back to our livesSee our friendsGo see our grandkidsGo sit on the beach.Paddleboarding (Is it ok or is it not okay)Hearing different things every day.Sometimes doctors say something (Two Doctors in Bakersfield)Other doctors saying not to leave your house for 18 months. Lower hospital rates are giving us I little bit of hope. So we push the limits of the stay at home order.Governor says weeks until phase 2 next day is is days.Fighting Quarantine FatigueAcknowledge your feelingsGet outside and go on a walkRegular phone calls and video chats.Interacting with otherMindfulness, Yoga,Go for a short drive in your car.Say it is ok to feel this way.Suffering in the short-term could pay off in the long term.Fighting the Anger and AnxiousnessLimit how much time you are reading the news and social media.Fill your time with other things. (New Hobby)Everyone in California seems to be fixing their house. Lowes and Homedepot are crazy busy.Read moreGardeningNew Recipes, bakingknittingPaintingDrawingOnline coursesWe hate being not in control of our lives so pick something to help other people. We wear masks to help other people feel more comfortable.Play games with your familyPick a series of movies. Becareful watching too much TV. Be outside. We bought patio furniture to be outside and comfortable.Serve others. Sidewalk chalkTake treats to locked ins. Even if they don't eat them the thought that counts.Call someone and check in on them.Lemonade Moment of the WeekThe Quarantine has given Madeline time to Bake new things for her shop.Linkhttps://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/quarantine-fatigue-coronavirus-191905679.htmlhttps://www.huffpost.com/entry/quarantine-fatigue-doesnt-mean-go-out_l_5eab1957c5b6c470eedee73d ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Nine years ago when we got married we had the perfect vision of blending our families. Of course, we wanted it to be like a nuclear family with white picket fences and a dog. What we ended up with was several different family groups and plenty of lessons learned. But we love our blended family and constantly nurture and feed it. Check out how we got there in this episode.Blending 4+6 (2+5)We wanted to create one big family not have 3 separate families3 little ones are being raised together.Hard for the older kids to feel part of all of Still a separation between the older kids. The kids need to feel like they still have a bond with the kids they grew up with.You cannot force this.During the COVID pandemic we have seen many blended families feeling the familial relationships even more.It can become very divisive for familiesIt is ok to make sure that the kids feel ok about the different family relationships. We recognize the different family unitsWe try hard to do things all together.We plan things together.We have a Marco Polo Grandbabies help bring the family together.Finding fun things to do together. (Hot Lava on the play ground, Obstacle course)Allow individuals to be part of their own family.Invite kids to participate and encourage them but don't demand it.Everyone always goes to the Hawaii trip.Kids will be closer to who they grew up with.Patience is importantIt may never get to where you had in your head it would be.Celebrate the little successesMake sure that you don't forget where the kids came from. Strawberry shortcake. Tips from the experts (Not Us)A Blended family does not mean we all act as one nuclear family. It means we are adjusted to the new situation.Sibling RivalryMake sure the parents are on the same page with disciplineNo blaming bio kidsConsequences and rewards need to be the same regardless of how it used to work.Avoid placing labels on the kids. Good and badEveryone needs attentionSet a set schedule to give kids individual timeBoth parents attend eventsMonthly outingsYou feel like different familiesIt takes time to build a shared historyBegin need traditionsMake transitions fun. Get an ice cream.Give times to griefMistakes are made, by kids and adults. Move on. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We have noticed an uptick on blended families have issues in their families that just seem insurmountable. Stress from the COVID-19 pandemic uncertainty in health, job stability, and the economy is driving wedges in relationships between husband and wife and kids. In this episode learn how to identify the signs of stress, their causes and how to deal with stress in a productive way.Causes of StressFear and worry about your own health and the health of your loved onesChanges in sleep or eating patternsDifficulty sleeping or concentratingWorsening of chronic health problemsWorsening of mental health conditionsIncreased use of alcohol, tobacco, or other drugsSigns of StressDistance themselves from one another as they try to copeFight more frequentlyFind it difficult to plan quality time together as a way to rebuild relationshipsExperience sleeplessness, lethargy, anxiety, and loss of appetite as they work through feelingsEngage in exaggerated behaviors as a result of trying to process difficult emotionsDealing with StressTake breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media. Hearing about the pandemic repeatedly can be upsetting.Take care of your body.Take deep breaths, stretch, or meditateTry to eat healthy, well-balanced meals.Exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep.Avoid alcohol and drugs.Make time to unwind. Try to do some other activities you enjoy.Connect with others. Talk with people you trust about your concerns and how you are feeling.Lemonade Moment of the WeekOur Son-In-Law gets sick with COVID-19 symptoms but is tested and he is negative. Quarantine is over and his kids are happy he can be with them again.LinksCDC - Managing Stress and Anxiety Three Ways to De-Stress While Going through a Family Crisis ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

It is week 2 of the "Shelter in Place" order from the state of California. In this episode learn how Darren & Paige handle uncertainty. anxiety, and lots of food. We focus on staying connected with friends and family, finding comfort, and finding lemonade when there are lots of lemons.Staying connectedWhat's with the T.P shortage? Who knew that T.P. would become such a commodity!And yeast! Now we are all bakers? Why? There is plenty of bread in the stores.How are everyone's relationships holding up? We try to get a little time alone every day. Walk. Go to bed early and watch a show together. Go to the store together. Very exciting things!! And get some alone time as well. Put yourself on timeout. We were heading to the store and asked neighbors what we could get them. It hasZoom is now very popular. The kids have had zoom get-togethers, we have for the church and I have with my friends. A great way to stay in touch. And share funny things happening.Family Zoom mettings.Set up a password for your meetings. And create the lobby so you can let people in.Comfort (Food, Activities, Dogs)COVID 19 stands for the 19 pound we will be gaining during this.Paige is baking too. Funny how we want comfort food while isolated.Family activities. We have watched less tv being home all the time then we used to.Co-workers, kids, and parents have all gotten dogs recently.Watch all of Netflix. Not a bad idea?Staying positiveThe unknown of all this causes great anxiety and fear. Stop listening to the news all day and sometimes stop looking at social media. Who hates the people that are now Martha Stewart and bill gates rolled into one??? It can be overwhelming to see people that are so creative and tech-savvy. It makes you feel like a failure.Or you're just barely surviving. Focus on your family and just do you. Stay positive but do you! Stop Comparing yourself to others.Have to keep a sense of humor thru this trying time. (smoking toilet) one of the only good things about social media is the memes and gifs! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode find out how Darren & Paige handle the first week of having everyone home in a "Shelter in Place" order by the state of California due to the Covid-19 pandemic. Are we going to grow closer together or drive each other crazy?Adjusting to the New NormalDarren is home all of the time now. He used to travel 2 days a week.Paige got used to Darren being home all day for a couple weeks. Intel forced work from home.Kids' school is canceled and now at home all day long.Paige's schedule is completely interrupted because she is focused on keeping the kids on a schedule.Uncertainty with the school starting an online school or not. When will school start again?External activities are canceled (Swim, Track).Dealing with the emotional strain of world uncertainty (Work, Health)Darren helping with kids' online stuff adds more stress.Setting a ScheduleAfter a weekend of uncertainty and laying around trying to figure things. Waiting for the school to figure things out. Monday and Tuesday we had a partial schedule for Sam.Worked on a more set schedule for the kids when Madeline and David came on Wednesday Stuck to the same 2-2-5-5 schedule.Because the school still did not have something planned we looked online.We found Khan academy had a schedule and classes for each grade level.PE - Sam is leading us in the street in front of our house. The neighbors love it.Math - Khan academyHistory - Khan AcademyGrammar and Writing - Prompts available from several sources.Lunch - Lunch lady with the hair net changes between Darren and Paige. Science - Biology on Khan Academy and Science experiments in the back yardEnrichment learning - Language learning with duo lingo (Japanese and German) sign language for Madeline. and practice the piano.Tips and TricksFind some time to be alone or talk with a friendZoom is your friend. (Socially connect with your friends even if you cannot be with them)Set a schedule and stick to it. The kids do much better with a schedule.Get outside and walk or exercise (PE and a couple of outside activities per day)Shower and get dressed every day. Stop reading the news all day long. Find something uplifting to read. Nothing is really going to change in 3 hours.Find someone you can help. Get out of your own self/bubble and help someone. LinksKhan academy ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Money and kids can be hard in any family. When you throw two families together with different histories and expectations Money can be a tough issue to navigate. In this episode, Darren and Paige reveal some of the hard money issues they faced when they first got married and even pop up today. Everything is up for debate when it comes to money: College, Cars, Cell phones, Soda at restaurants who pays for what and when. Bringing money togetherBringing traditions togetherBy sodas at dinnerGetting a kid a carCell phonesWho pays for collegeAllowanceBuying clothesEating outTreating kids with equalityParents have different incomes. Things might not be equal as far as gifts, clothesCell phone, computers, cars, clothesStep-parent vs Bio-parentHard because they have different grandparentsDifferent Christmas giftspaying for collegeThere isn't equality, but we try our bestWhat about older kids that have already moved on.Younger kids raised together are treated differentlyLemonade Moment of the WeekJacob brings his "girlfriend" home to visit the family and they navigate two families (His Mom and Dad's house) like pros ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, we talk about the key things that you can do to destroy your marriage. We researched some articles and found some interesting things that we need to work on to have a stronger relationship. Check out these great ideas.Become StagnantForgetting to keep the romance aliveDon't forget your spouse should be your friend too.Not finding ways to stay connected.Become boringBe In Love with your phone and TVPut others before your spouseWork, MoneyFriend, social lifeKidsIgnore Problems (Communication)Never arguingNever listening to what your partner has to sayDon't go to bed angry or DoGive your Spoused the Silent TreatmentThreaten DivorceStop Having SexIntimacy is important as it brings you and your spouse together physically and emotionally.Not parenting as one unitNot willing to change or growSpend more money than what you HaveKeep SecretsYou Never Help around the HouseOversharingKeeping ScoreBeing overly Jealous or UntrustingLinkshttps://www.marriage365.org/blog/10-ways-to-ruin-your-marriagehttps://awesomejelly.com/things-youre-doing-wrong-that-will-kill-your-marriage-t2/1 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Valentine's Day is always a stressful time for people. Expectations of the perfect romantic day never match the reality of the day. In this episode, we talk about our successes and failures of Valentine's Days past. It is a "funny look" at a difficult time of the year for many men and women throughout the world.History of Valentine's DayBased on St. ValentineSecond card-sending holiday right behind ChristmasStarted as notes passed from person to person expressing real feelingsThe chocolate industry got involvedThe card industry got involvedStats on Valentine's Day6 million couples get engaged on Valentine's Day $18.2 billion will be spent this year for Valentine's Day54% of persons will celebrate Valentine's Day this year190 million cards250 million rosesMost wanted gifts for women (Big loving gestures, some love it, and some hate it)CardFlowersChocolateJewelryMost wanted for men SexChocolateExpectations and RealityInequality in the holidayMore pressure on men than women for this holidayWomen expect men to do something romantic for Valentine's DaySo why (80% of cards are bought by women)?Mostly for kids and grandkidsOur first Valentine's Day disasterOur second Valentine's Day disasterSetting expectations: Paige tells Darren exactly what she expects for the holiday (but then apparently doesn't mean it)Communicate your needs as long as they are not ridiculousIdeas for Valentine's DayFor men to women Put some thought into your giftKeep it simple. Do something different on that day. Something outside of the ordinaryDarren does not get Paige flowers on Valentine's Day. He does it throughout the year.A card with a handwritten note might be just what she needsFor women to menI want to just get through this holiday without making her too disappointedWe have changed the holiday to be a fun family dinner auctionThanks, SurvivorIt takes the pressure off of having something extremely romantic and instead is something fun with the kidsThis doesn't mean we don't do something romantic around that timeLinkshttps://www.proflowers.com/blog/the-history-of-valentines-dayhttps://www.shropshirestar.com/entertainment/features/2020/02/08/valentines-day-2020-team-weekend-ponder-what-men-and-women-really-want/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

When we first got married we believed that love would conquer all. Blending families would be as simple as moving all of our stuff into a house and making it a home. Successfully blending families is hard work and takes some careful planning. we learned some invaluable lessons over the years. In this episode find out what worked and what completely failed in our attempt to bring two families together.What is it like being parents in a blended familyMost couples fight over money, sex, inlaws, and kidsBlended families have all of that magnified50% of families in America are blended.You have to figure out how to make life work inside your home and another home as well.Co-parenting with another family is very hard.Different rules,ExpectationsMost blended families fail 65- 75%.Balancing everything schedulesNo ability to make decisions by yourself.Biggest problems Blended Families FaceSibling rivalryEveryone needs attentionStepparent Discipline can be a ChallengeYou feel like two separate families. Three in our case.Tips for successRelinquish some control over the raising of your kids.Learn compassion and graceRoot out jealousyShed off feelings of resentmentDon't take sides (biological or step) on sibling rivalry Acknowledge birth order changesUse common consequences and rewards across the kids (be careful to not overdo things.)Teenagers at the time of a family blending can be tricky. Biological parents need to take the lead.Younger kids that have been raised together see consistency with both parents.The kids defer to Paige more than Darren.Both parents should attend all of the kids' activities. Show unity as a parenting unit.Give each child individual attention.Forge bonds with all of the kids over time.Linkshttps://www.huffpost.com/entry/your-blended-family-is-go_b_11722722https://www.verywellfamily.com/biggest-problems-blended-families-face-4150230https://www.cvcounselingservices.com/blog/2018/4/27/blended-families-do-they-all-fail ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We had to go to marriage counseling to resolve a problem that has bubbled up over time. In this episode find out how we have used marriage counseling to strengthen our marriage and help us feel like we can tackle the problems thrown at us (with some help of course).Counseling in the BeginningWe started counseling the day we got engaged.Our counselor taught us how to communicate and empathize with each other.We spent time getting in the trenches with each other.Learned to give each other the benefit of the doubt.Periodically we go back to a counselor to get a refresh and help us work through problems.Benefits of CounselingBoth parties get impartial adviceA safe environment for honestyAn opportunity to unburden resentment and frustrationA forum to rebuild trustCreating an attachment bondEffectiveness of Marriage CounselingThe motivation of both partners and time, play an important role in success.Find a "good fit" counselor for you and your partner.Don't wait too long to reach out for help. (average people wait 6 years to get advice)Realize that there will be conflict at times (ups and downs).7 tips to deal with differences:Create a relaxed atmosphere to spend time with your partner to talkDon't give up personal goal or hobbiesSupport one another's passionsLearn to resolve conflicts skillfully. Don't avoid conflict work through it.Establish open-ended dialogueAvoid the blame gameBe realistic about the timeline for change with a counselor.Links https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/201905/5-ways-marriage-counseling-can-save-troubled-marriagehttps://www.gottman.com/blog/timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-marriage-counseling/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

After years of marriage, our date night consisted of finding a rom-com and falling asleep on the couch. We freshened things up with new date ideas including trying to find something open after 9pm in Folsom. We ended up going to a grocery store and making more healthy brownies. Check out our episode about how to spark excitement in your marriage.Getting back to dating after a divorceWhen you first start dating after a divorce you don't bring your dates around the kids. So you have to find places to meet.Closed restaurantsBowlingGrocery runs at 10pm MoviesMiniature GolfFalling into a routine (rut)In a blended family, you only have your kids every other weekend so it is hard to go out and leave them.The kids like it when we go out. They love having the house to themselves (Scary)In a blended family, it is extremely important to have alone time, because you never had a honeymoon with no kids, exes, etc..Life gets busy,We are tired.It is hard to come up with things to do.The town closes down at 9pm. What would we do, movie, restaurant or stay at home order Thai food and fall asleep to a rom-com. (Boring)Resparking the romanceThree rules of dating your spouseNo business talkNo money talk No housework talkNo talking about kidsNo talking about responsibilities.Have fun. Take a breakFind excuses to do something together, besides watching a movie at home.Surprise lunch togetherTake time to be intimate with each other. Schedule it if needed.Ideas for Dating your SpouseTry shopping at a new grocery store together for a new recipe. Miniature golf, Top Golf,Look at the old things that you used to do.BowlingPeople watch, make things up about peoples livesHiking, Dance class (Line dancing)Shopping Cook togetherWork togetherEscape roomPainting class together (Bob Ross Painting party)Plan a trip together (Even if you are not going to take it for a while)Create a theme night for a dream trip destination.Play old video game console (Flicky)Make sure you do quality time together as well as "work time"Linkshttps://www.urbaneve.co.uk/fun-date-ideas-long-term-couples/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

The Christmas clutter leads us to start an early spring cleaning and organizing. In this episode, we uncover our deepest darkest secret, we are "Organizational Posers". We hide our inability to stay organized by putting all of the stuff in a couple places in the house (Office, and Garage). We learned some tips on how to survive the dreaded post-Christmas de-clutter.Faking organization during ChristmasWe are organization posers. We look organized in most of our lived-in spaces but have many hidden clutter spots.Our office and garage are those places.During Christmas find a place for "things" so no one can see it. You need a place to hide Christmas presents. Declutter after ChristmasDownsize your Christmas DecorPoinsettia purchase every year and they barely last the Christmas season. We resist the temptation to get fake ones because we have no place to store them.Get rid of any broken or duplicate decorations.Ditch any light strings that no longer work.Set aside any decorations that have become too difficult for you to put up. (Old Age)Do the same for anything that no longer suits your taste.Likewise for those decorations, you never really liked but have hung onto anyway.Don’t have room on your tree for all the ornaments in a set? Keep only as many as you actually use.Get rid of anything else you haven’t used for the past two or three Christmases. Store Decoration in Order of Use (Organized Garage)Give Your Gifts a Home/RegiftGet rid of Unwanted GiftsSpring Cleaning After Christmas, start your spring cleaning. It is a good time when you are putting decorations away.Our office and pantry got a good de-clutter due to Paige having a slight nervous breakdown.Linkshttps://www.budgetdumpster.com/blog/how-to-organize-you-house-after-holidays/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

We have been setting goals with our kids every year at the beginning of the year since we started blending families. We would spend a day after new years day and talk to the kids about the importance of setting and achieving goals. We would write our goals down and then put them in a box in the entertainment center. Then the next year at New Year's day we would dust off the box and look at the goals stored inside. These weren't goals, just forgotten wishes.Teaching about GoalsBraking things down into categories: Physical, Intellectual, Social, SpiritualWriting goals down. What is a goal what are steps to achieve a goalFamily goalsSharing goals with each otherNew years resolutionsGoals not Wishes (papers in a box)Discover,Plan,ActReflectVision boardsAsking for help to achieve goals (resources, money, lessons, etc...)Blending Families additional coordinationFamily goals may be different in each home.Inconsistency between homesCoordinating between parentsBe careful to not have conflict goals or rewardsLemonade Moment of the WeekWe didn't get to see our granddaughters over Christmas, so we worked in the kitchen and family room, painting and building. Check out the picture. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Christmas is a wonderful time to reflect and give thanks. But it is often a time of stress, college kids returning home, and in-laws visiting. All of the normal pressures of "Christmas Expectations" is compounded when you add a blended family. Sharing time with your kids, duplicate presents, and who gets to take the kids to the latest "Star Wars" are just some of the things you have to worry about.Things that cause stressKids coming home from collegeWork partiesFamily partiesMeal planningFeeling like you need to entertain all the timeMaking sure everyone has the "right" number of presentsSharing time with your ex ( Added pressure to do fun things when you have the kids)Being alone at Christmas (All kids gone at their other parent's house)Getting the best gift for your spouseManaging kids stressHaving a set schedule is important. Even our adult kids like having a schedule. Not pulled between parents.Who buys presents and when? And for whom?Tradition overlap?Who gets to take the kids to the latest Star Wars movie?Tips for managing Christmas stressSet realistic expectations. No Christmas, Hanukkah Kwanzaa or other holiday celebration is perfect. ...Be proactive. ...Keep things in perspective. ...Remember what's important. ...Take time for yourself.Linkshttps://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/christmas-expectations/https://www.idealhome.co.uk/news/top-ten-reasons-christmas-stress-revealed-217392 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode find out how gratitude helps fight depression and anxiety by re-wiring the brain. Find out how we have tried to teach our kids real gratitude, what works and what we did wrong.Why is Gratitude so importantIt rewires the brainIncreases will powerKeeps you calmBoost moraleCount your blessingsThe more you practice gratitude, the more attuned you are to it and the more you can enjoy its psychological benefits.How to Cultivate GratitudeTeaching Kids GratitudeWhat we NOTICE in our lives for which we can be gratefulHow we THINK about why we have been given those thingsHow we FEEL about the things we have been givenWhat we DO to express appreciation in turnTools to help with gratitudeGratitude Journal (Write down daily three things you are grateful)Write letters of thanks to people in your life.Give a "call out" or "ata boy" to someone each day.Donate to a charity to show gratitudeVolunteer at a charitable organization. (justserve.org)Recognition awards - Darren's work has the ability to say thank you with a recognition award.Gratitude bucks - We have done this to teach children how to show gratitude.Lemonade Moment of the WeekOur kids and grandkids tell us what they are thankful for.Linkshttps://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/the-amazing-way-gratitude-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness.htmlhttps://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/4-ways-to-train-your-brain-for-positivity.htmlhttps://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_parents_neglect_to_teach_about_gratitudehttp://justserve.org ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Divorce can bring out the worst in people. Competition between ex(s) only magnifies the bad feelings and contention in the relationship. Many times kids can feel this tension and can even become the center of the competition, feeling like a pawn in a highly competitive chess match. In this episode, we talk about how to avoid competition with your Ex or your Ex's spouse.Competing for the KidsWhen you start sharing custody you will begin to feel distanced from your kids.Why Compete with your Ex?So your kids will love you To get back at your ex.Your child already loves you and you do not need to compete.The behavior to get back at your ex will only misfire. It puts them in a stronger position to counter-act your behavior.How do you compete?Buying your child gifts, toys, days off of school. (You want to be the favorite)Being more lenient with the kids, late bedtime, letting them eat whatever they want.What effect does it have in kidsOnly a negative effect on your child.Your change in behavior will only confuse them more.Kids want to feel secure, they need structure and routine.They are want to please you so they will act up and play the parents against each other as part of the competition. They want to please you.TipsWork together with your ex. Present a united from. So that you respect each otherShow love by spending time with them, listening to them and showing concern for them.Work with not against your ex.How to deal with a Disneyland mom or dadRemind yourself that love cannot be bought.Gifts offer temporary relief, they need comfort, not gifts.Be the bigger person and let them enjoy time with their mom or dad.Let your kids enjoy the time and attention.There is nothing you can do about it. So change your attitude.Competing over activitiesExample of the pumpkin patch.Sailing for the kids.No discipline. (Land of everything goes)The other parent's time is the other parent's time.You have to accept that the other parents time is their time you cannot Be the best parent you can be. Don't worry about the other parent's styleResist the urge to be the bad cop. You cannot only be the enforcer.Don't double down on the house rules.Children thrive with consistency, structure and loving. (Think long term) Comparing with your Spousing ExYou don't need to know everything about your spouse's ex.Curiosity might be a reason, but be careful what you try and uncover.What do you do if your spouse asks about your ex? (Bed, body type)It's not going to improve your relationship; it will only make you crazy.Money Battles, Visitation, and the Ex Don't set yourself up as the antagonist in the battle for visitation and money.Don't bring your spouses ex into your household. They are the past you are the present.You have control over how much your ex has in your household.Set up boundaries. Like in our last episode. When to take calls, emails, text etc.Lemonade Moment of the WeekA neighbor brings us Lemons after giving them our hay bales from Halloween decorations.Links http://www.steppingthrough.com.au/competition/ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/8-boundaries-stepparents-never-cross-dg/https://www.familyeducation.com/life/communicating-your-ex/dont-compete-exhttp://www.separateddads.co.uk/resisting-temptation-compete-with-your-ex.html ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, we talk about setting and sticking to boundaries as a step-parent. Boundaries with step kids and ex-spouses.Talking negatively about your spouse's exNever in front of the kids or around the kids.Kids hear everything. Be cautiousTalking to your spouse about their ex.Be careful about negative conversations with anyone else.Disciplining your stepchildrenWhat about kids being raised together."NACHO kids" and "this is my house"Age of the children matter.Stick to your guns or let things go?Trying to take the place of your spouse's exDon't be tempted to try and replace your step-kids biological parent.Missing, significant mental illness, death, etc... are not good reasons Putting yourself in the middle Between your spouse and his/her childrenDon't fight for love and affection, while it may be tempting to get on your stepkids good side by disagreeing with your spouse, this is not a good idea and will backfire at some point. The uniformed front is the best offense.Between your spouse's ex and his/her childrenRemember you are not the parent. It is not your place to try to override the other parent's decisions regarding the children.Ignoring the wishes of your spouse's ex (in relation to the children) The kids need to see you respect their other parent and that you are a good role model for them. For example, if you know that they don't want your child watching a certain show, or spending the night with certain kids, etc. It is best to try to honor those wishes. You would want your kid's stepparent to honor your wishes.Engaging in a parenting discussion with your spouse and his/her exStay in your lane.This has been a lot of years of learning. Very rare cases when you need to get involved as a stepparent. Let the bio parents take care of the issues but be a support to your spouse.It is best if you can attempt to have a good relationship with your spouse’s ex if possible.Feeling jealous when your spouse and his/her children want some one-on-one time.Many children whose parents are in new relationships feel insecure and might think their parent loves their new spouse more than they love them. It is important for the kids to have a close bond with both parents and it could become a significant family problem if you as the stepparent have a problem because of that.Lemonade Moment of the WeekDavid being sick and having some alone time. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, Darren and Paige spend some time together alone. No kids. This time in Greece. Follow their adventures to Athens, Santorini, and Peloponnese.Why spending time alone together is importantRecharge our relationship.Put all of our worries behind and focus on each other.Fall in love again.AthensWe arrived in the late afternoon and checked into the Grande Bretagne. Great hotel. We were tired and wanted to head to bed. But we could hear music in the park next to the hotel. The best food that night came from a tip from the Missionaries of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who we ran into in the square.Great time in the park listening to music. This park was the center of musical talent every night we were there. See video on Greek rendition of Billy Jean.Temple of Zeus, Hadrian's Gate, Acropolis Museum, The next day we did the Athens thing and took the walk to the historical sites 20 000 steps.Acropolis Hill and the Parthenon on the Acropolis. Greecian Agora and walked the touristy streets weaving in and out of shops of greek cotton and olive oil, and olive wood bowls, cutting boards, spoons etc.We arrived at our hotel to find out the hotel was on lockdown and the police were there in riot gear. We only had to wait a couple of minutes to get in. It looks like we just missed all the fun.day 2 more sites in Athens, Agora, Olympic Stadium, and more time in the shops.Greek Opera where we had a great time. Darren caught up on some sleep. Paige runs the end of a marathon in the Olympic StadiumRiot Police out our HotelBilly Jean Greek Style in the park across from our Hotel Santorini

In this episode learn why it is important to take time to frequently renew your relationship. In our recent time away we recorded this podcast about the last eight years of our marriage. Find out our highs and lows and what we learned from it all.What is different now compared to 8 years agoOur relationship with Darren's Ex has evolved. Time heals wounds.The roller coaster of your relationship with your ex dampens over the years. Not as extreme as it was in the beginning. Our relationship is stronger now than before.8 years ago we felt that love would conquer everything. Not true. Check out our podcast on the horrible first year.Emotions are very high that first year.ChallengesUnder-estimate the effects of the divorce and then blending of families on the older kids.Did not set up good enough boundaries with the exes. How quick we respond to emails, we had to set a time to look at emails or texts.If you are going to go to court, get a lawyer. Avoid court as much as you can. It causes a major emotional, and financial burden.Helping older kids feel a part of the new household. TriumphsWe don't live in regret, but we do try to learn from bad decisions.Got the kids into counseling. It did not work for everyone.We were in counseling. It taught us how to communicate and open up with each other.Navigating friends and limiting things you share with people. Not everything needs to be told.Some of our older kids stepped up and formed strong relationships. showing all of the kids what a blended family can look like.Blending traditions.LearningsNever talk bad about your ex in front of the kids or even in-ear shot.You are going to lose friends in your divorce.Your best friend should be your spouse. You should be able to share everything with them.Having fun with the kids. Made sure we had a happy and fun home. Little things that turn into traditions. Be mindful of your kids and how they might react when you show affection in front of them.Be careful of overindulging your kids. Competing with your ex is dangerous and costly.Lemonade Moment of WeekPaige is kind to the Ticket agent and gets us priority security checkout. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Decorating for the Holidays is a great tradition that turns a house into a home. For Paige and Darren, this was critical to helping their kids feel somewhat normal after blending the families. Even though we love the way our home is decorated, Darren's aversion to a disaster of a garage and piles of boxes made this time a year a time of dread and anxiety. Find out how we made our way through this.History of Decorating the HouseWe decorate for most holidaysPaige needs to get it all done in 24 hoursInside and outside.Paige's Mom and Darren's Mom both have big decorations.When we got married Paige saw the new big house as a blank canvas for Holiday decorations.Paige would come home with bags of new ideas and decorations. The money did not annoy Darren. It was where to put the stuff.The Garage has never had a car in it.The boxes were out of control for a couple years.Darren's Attitude AdjustmentPaige wanted to bring some happiness and joyfulness in the house. Decorating for the holidays was a part of it of bringing happiness to the familySupporting your spouse when it is important to them.What do you do when something is really important to one of you and not the other.Ignore itBrainstorm how we can both be ok with itWhat do I need to do to get on board?The person wanting the support needs to be patientUnderstanding each other's strengths and weaknessesPaige cannot work from a blank canvasDarren is not great with detailsPaige can make something beautiful and finished.Darren is great at starting from blank page. But not finishing.In the beginning, it was frustrating to get everything done. But now that we understand each others strengths we enjoy working together to get things done.Lemonade Moment of the WeekDarren gets food poisoning and knocked off his feet for 24 hours. Jumps starts his Diet. And maybe he won't eat anything in the fridge anymore. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Many times we are searching for the perfect lemonade when we are dealt lemons. We know if we are positive enough and with enough sugar, we can find good in anything thrown our way. But sometimes we need to adjust our expectations to fit the current situation. In this episode, we talk about finding our own lemonade in these tough situations. Life can be hardThings don't always turn out the way you plan them.Story of us finding ourselves in our 40s single with kids.Over time we give up when our plans constantly fall through.Paige was hit with constant disappointment and stopped planningDarren lost control of his plans and went into a situational depression. Even now things don't always work out the way we plan, but we have decided to find any goodness in the things that happen to us. How to Stay PositiveBe Grateful There is always something going right. We did gratitude bucks with our kids Attitude of Gratitude Look for silver linings Sometimes things that look really bad turn out to be good in the end Very hard to look at "in the moment". Look back at hard times for the good things about it. Don't give up Often the greatest doubts occur just before a breakthrough. Perseverance is key here You cannot give up. People need us. Look at the Big picture What direction do you want your life to head? What are you new goals, you can create new situations? What do you want to experience? What kind of person do you want to be? Discouragement is just a trick It is a negative emotion. It tricks you into dwelling into the very place you want to leave. You have a destination far beyond where you are today. Keep reading positive things. Stay off the negative forums and find a forum that could help you with positive messages Find a hobby that is uplifting. Most forums are a place to hear how bad your situation is. Is it keeping you down or building you up. Find something is more uplifting, maybe outside of Have Fun Forget about your problem and do something different and fun. Sometimes we get wrapped up in the problems that then paralyze us. Lemonade Moment of the WeekWe went to a renaissance faire. This is outside of our normal comfort zone, but it was fun to experience new things. And we like to support new things in our town. Linkshttps://www.life-with-confidence.com/how-to-stay-positive.html ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Find out how Darren & Paige handle Middle Schoolers that are going through "The Change" from perfect little kids to tweenies and teenagers with raging hormones and attitudes as they try and learn to become adults. Throw a blended family and two sets of parents and problems become even more difficult to manage.Middle School aged kidsMiddle school is when Kids get their hormones, Puberty is just as hard on parents as it is on kids.Kids are trying to figure out who they are.FriendshipsSocial media, cell phones and the internetSex, Drugs, AlcoholFaith, and VirtueAdd in Blending familiesAdd on top of that Step-Parents, Step Siblings, etc.. and it can be a disaster.Two homes to deal withComplex schedules with more activities,Doubled up chores and fun.CarpoolsDisciplineRules are differentEasy to get lost in a Blended family. 10 siblings instead of a handful.Kids at this age are already self-conscience about who they are and how they fit in.Helping children feel loved. Normal kids have a hard time with this add-in a step-parent and that insecurity is heightened.Don't disengage when kids act out it further contributes to parent-child discord and marital dissatisfaction.Kids don't have control of the situation which adds to the stress and disillusionment of the current situation.Parents are afraid to parent because they won't be a loved parent. You will compare yourself to your kid's step-parents or bio parent. Survival TipsDemand and Give RespectGet to know your kids' friends.Talk openly with your kids about sex, drugs, and alcohol.Do not pack your kids a bag. Their clothes are their clothes.They need some ownership and control over some things.Know when to walk away with your middle schooler.You and your spouse need to show a common front.Lemonade Moment of the WeekMadeline is self aware enough to interview our Dog about being in a blended family. You have to see the video on youtube. Linkshttps://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/ages-and-stages/tweens/30-tips-for-raising-middle-schoolers/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This week Paige continues to teach Darren what she learned at "Education Week". This episode we tackle managing problems, not solving problem, managing them. Some problems, like putting socks in the hamper, take a long to solve, but all problems can be managed. Checking inExacerbated by my kids, your kids. We are sensitive to this and what we actually do it.Complaints aren’t fun but we need to deal with themWhat complaints do we need to share?You need to decide what is importantOnly the couple can decide together. Four-step problem solvingDiscuss Use speaker listening techniqueStructured way to communicate safely. The point is to create safety in the relationship.I felt Z, when you did X, in situation Y.Be respectful and be specificMake sure you respect the rulesTaking time to discuss says, "I want to know and understand you better.You are ready to move on when you both understand each other's Point of ViewSet an AgendaPick a bite-sized piece to work onex - Problem is money - bite-size piece is talk about max out visaBrainstormwrite down all your good ideas and how to address the problemTry to make all suggestions positive - both in tone (not snarky) and in terms of what you can do rather than what to stop doingDon't criticize or roll eyesAgreeOne of the reasons it's hard for couples to find a solution that sticks is that they try to find the perfect solution to the whole problem right now. That's not realistic.Choose one idea you brainstormed together to experiment with, and set a timeframe to make it work. Regular Couple MeetingsOnce a weekly meeting to meet together to talk about issues and check-in. Regular maintenance meeting. Keep things small and manageable. 30 minutesKeep a running list and limit what you talk about for 30 minutesDealing with problems does not mean solving it.Share expectationsBecome awareBe willing Lemonade Moment of the WeekWe have a dog. A small dog. A dog that seeks revenge by peeing in the house. We removed all of our carpet downstairs. Putting in carpet squares. Linkshttp://lovetakeslearning.com ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode, Darren and Paige cover the importance of Girl's trips, the emotions of the husband left behind.History of Girls tripsFrom 1993 to 2008 the number of "Girl's Trips" grew by 230%. From 2008 to 2019 it more than doubled again.25% of adult women have taken a girl's trip in the last 3 years40% of adult women plan to take a girl's trip in the next 3 yearsPaige's girl's trips.Purpose of Girls TripsA much needed break for me from my familyReconnecting with friendsRejuvenateTeaching kids the value of good friendshipsQuality time with dadThey miss meI miss themEmotions around Girls TripsA story about when Paige and Darren saw a girls trip that seemed out of control.When you are the one left behind you might have feelings of jealousy, fear, trustLinkhttps://www.southernliving.com/healthy-living/benefits-vacation-with-friendshttp://www.nbcnews.com/id/24114207/ns/travel-seasonal_travel/t/girlfriends-getaways-booming-trend-travel/#.XXXZfShKiUkhttps://burlingtonvt.citymomsblog.com/2015/11/12/girlfriends-getaways-important/https://gutsytraveler.com/women-travel-statistics-women-travel-expert/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Paige went to "Education Week" and attended several marriage relationship classes. In this episode, Paige talks to Darren about what she learned on how we can avoid toxic behavior in our relationship and strengthen our marriage.Toxic BehaviorVision for your marriage. Good communication, and fun.Risk factors and danger signs. Conflict is not always bad. Certain patterns of conflict are bad.Danger signs Escalation - Back and forth, negatively driven by defensiveness. The topic does not matter it matters how you discuss itInvalidation - Partners put down the thoughts, feelings or characters of their partnerNegative interpretations - We assume our partner is just being mean. Give them the benefit of the doubtAvoidance and withdrawal - One partner avoids talking about important issues, shuts downHow to stop or prevent danger signsCouples don't know how to get out of an argumentCall time outYou have to bring it back up within 24 hoursA person that calls time out must call time inIn a time out get your mind off the fight. Watch a funny show, meditate, etc..Think what is behind your angry, 99% of the time it is hurt feelingsDo NOT spend the time out planning your attack on your partner or ruminating about themBeing effective is more important than being rightCues of things going wrongWhat are the cues that the conversation is about to go off the railsEye rollingThinking that your spouse is ridiculousCrying. Darren not as much as PaigeMost couples talk about important issues only when they are fighting about themTriggering eventsIssuesHidden issues - unexpressed needs that fuel the conflictHow to talk about issues without turning it into a fightWhen we are hurt we often act out with our gut, not our head ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

The fall brings kids going back to school or even leaving home to go to College for the first time. In this episode, we talk about the perils of back to school in a blended family and the emotions of sending kids off to college for the first time. Kids back to SchoolBoohoo, Woohoo Breakfast celebration.The emotions of the kids being goneWhen your youngest goes off to kindergarten or first grade.Who am I?, What do I like to do? For 15 years I have raised kids now whatGetting the kids back on a schedule (Bedtime and wakeup)Practicing instrumentsLimited screen timeHomeworkExtra-curricular activitiesOverprescribed kids too many sports, clubs, activitiesBlended FamiliesCoordinating schedules across housesCar-pool coordinationHomework between housesAn unclear division of responsibilities; keeping all parties abreast of what's going on; the logistics of hauling stuff back and forth between houses;parents agreeing on how to manage increasingly common cases of learning difficulties such as Attention Deficit Disorder."The event of divorce for children, while distressing, is not the thing that causes distress for the child in the long run," Harris says. "Ongoing conflict is what most significantly affects the child's well-being. (The parents) have to figure out how to co-parent in a way to reduce conflict."When Your Kid Leaves for CollegeWhen a kid leaves the home there is a hole in the family for some timeThe hole is filled over time. Sometimes pretty fastWhen Jake left we ripped out his carpet and painted his room the same dayDallin's room became a playroom almost instantlyEvery time a kid left the house Paige wanted to have a babyTaking the kid to college can be hard to coordinate with your ex. Don't put the kids in the middle. It is not part of your parenting agreement.Who pays for college?Linkshttps://www.oregonlive.com/kiddo/2014/09/back_to_school_for_blended_fam.html ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Time apart can be hard and taxing on a marriage. But there are many situations where it is inevitable. Time apart comes in many forms, work travel, traveling to see kids, a spouse in the military, it all takes a toll on your marriage and your relationship. In this episode, we talk about the dangers of being apart and some tips to overcome the side effects. Situations of being apartSpouse travels for workSpouse travels to see their kids or a long commute to get them or take them back to their exSpouse lives in another locationSpouse deployedYou or your spouse work long hours or opposite schedulesPerils of being apartDisconnecting emotionallyMissing out on what is going on at homeFeelings of resentment (I am doing all the hard things at home while you are out to eat at fancy restaurants)Upon returning, the person at home feels in charge and the other disrupts the flowChanges made while you're goneOverwhelmed feelings by being alone and no one to share in the burdensanxiety There is a physical toll on the person travelingWatch out for emotional isolation How to Protect your MarriageThe divorce rate is higher in couples that travel or spend alot of time apartConnect every day - skype, text during the dayMake sure you are sharing all the little things, but be careful not to just share all the bad that happened - makes spouse that is gone feel helplessDon't romanticize your spouse's lifeIf possible travel togetherWatch a show together Skype in for the nightly routineDon't spend time alone with coworkers or friends of the opposite sexDon't impulse buy to fill a voidMake sure you leave on a good note - pre-separation anxiety causes fightsLeave notes for them to findLemonade moment of the week - Paige fixed the ACLinkshttps://thepointsguy.com/2014/02/the-hardest-part-about-having-a-traveling-spouse/https://smallbiztrends.com/2017/04/bring-your-spouse-on-a-business-trip.htmlhttps://medium.com/@mountainsunmoved/my-husband-works-his-butt-off-for-our-family-c181243a0e48https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-to-keep-business-travel-from-killing-your-marriage/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Friends are yet another tricky subject in divorce. Who gets what friends after a divorce? Does your new spouse make friends with your friends? What happens if you are in the same social circles still? Are there people that want to be friends with both you and your ex? It gets complicated really fast.In this episode, we talk about the pitfalls and traps and how to avoid them.Who Gets the Friends in a DivorceCannot specify which friends go to who, in the divorce papers.Moving to a new location is typically what happens for one of the people. So that problem is not common for everyone.In our situation, Darren did not move, some friends had to take sides.It will be hard to have a friend still be both of your friends. You have put them in the middle of your mess. Not fair. You need to let them go sometimes.Sometimes you might lose a friend because "divorce is contagious". It is very hurtful. But you need to be understanding.How to Make Friends in your Spouses Circle of FriendsChurch Friends, Soccer mom friends, that you might have in common with your spouse's ex.Three sets of friends.Your friends - Your exes friends - Friends with both parties.Be respectful of your exes friends, boundaries are good.Be understanding of your friends, they are trying to navigate the situation the best they can.Venting to a person might seem ok but who do they talk to and who talks to them. Word gets out very fast in a small community. Be careful to only vent to one or two people who you can trust and know that they will not share what you have told them with anyone. Communicating with the friend network can be difficult.When you travel in the same circles and have common friends make sure you are communicating really well with your ex, for your friend's sake.Being Friends of a Divorced CoupleBoth get invited to a party by the same person. Can be awkward and uncomfortable.It can be hard to navigate communicating with a couple that has been divorced. We feel for you.Don't get your feelings hurt if someone does not come to the party, lunch, or soccer game.We have invited two couples that are exes, to a party just recently, without thinking about how it might affect them. Be supportive, try to understand that you cannot understand what they go through until you have gone through it.Realize that all words spoken will go to the other side of the relationship. Be respectful and speak kind words.If you are friends with both sides, you need to figure out who needs you at the moment.Lemonade Moment of the weekAt a wedding of Darren's niece, Paige accidentally wakes up Darren at 1:30 am in the morning trying to find her purse that she did not bring on the trip...Linkshttps://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-divorce-contagious-0821-story.html ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

When people get divorces there is a huge financial explosion. All of the assets you have built together are now going to be exploded and divided. Not just two ways, lawyers will get their cut as well. But your financial obligation does not stop there, it is just the beginning. The emotions around money in divorce, alimony, and child support are pretty raw. In this episode, we investigate those feelings and how to deal with them.Divorce is CostlyDivorce is expensive. Especially if you have assets to divide, and if you are contesting child custody or alimony. Typical divorces cost $20,000 but can easily balloon to over $100,000.Many couples find themselves in bankruptcy after a divorce or right before it is finalized.The divorce is just the beginning for costs. You need to make the money that you have now pay for two homes, two sets of clothes, etc...A good income just went to an ok income.Everything you have been working for your whole life has been destroyed. Now divided to 4 parties. You, your ex, the lawyers, and the kids. Courts do not want to make subjective rules on support. They default to a calculator as much as possible, based on your situation. Every state has a calculator. You can find them online.Pay what the court mandates you have to pay. Not paying only gets you in trouble with the court and cost you so much more.You may run into a problem with garnishment. Keep all of you returned checks or receipts when you pay child support or alimony. Most states will garnish wages before evidence is brought forth.Feeling of resentmentYou may have feelings of resentment if you pay a large amount of child support or alimony to your ex. When you work 60 hours a week and you see your ex buy a new car, or boat or go on a trip to Europe, you have a feeling that you paid for those things and how is that fair?You need to get over it. I try to disconnect my paying child support to anything going in my Exes life. Even after several years it still stings sometimes.The feeling of resentment can also occur with your spouse. Why do they get to go to Hawaii and we cannot afford it?Be mindful of how you can cause resentment if you are receiving support are you bragging about your new car, trip, etc.. on Facebook? Is that causing resentment to the one you are getting support from? You should not be friends with your ex on Facebook. When you blend the families you need to work through who is working where etc...When we got married Paige wanted to stay home with the little kids. But we were not sure we could afford it. That caused resentment because Darren makes a good living, but is now supporting two households.Tips Try your best to limit how much the lawyers get, by working with your ex.You need a post divorce life budget. Your finances are very different now.You should not be writing a personal check. Find ways to take the emotion out of it. Setting up automatic payments if possible. Keep the canceled check or proof of payment.Don't expect an account of where the money is spent. No judge will require this.Make it as business-like as possible. Make it a bill pay from your bank.Some states have payment options through the state website.We pay through the state and we pay with our credit card and get points for Travel.Consider it a tax or something that comes up automatically. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Right after a divorce is hard for everyone. You and your kids will be going through all ranges of emotion. You have a tendency to act based on those emotions of fear, guilt, sadness, and anger. Many times, this leads to uncharacteristically doing things you would not normally do. Like, getting a dog even though you are allergic, or skydiving, or heading to Disneyland. In this episode, we explore those first few months after a divorce and how to try to not overindulge your kids.The Emotional part of DivorceYour kids will be mad at you. They are going to be angry at the situation or at you, your ex-spouse or both.You will be mad at you ex. When you are co-parenting things will happen that just make you mad.Emotions during a divorce are mostly negative. There might be some relief, but in general, most of the emotions are sad and negative.You need to find things that bring happiness and joy into the situation, for your kids and you.Do not force family time on your kids Create opportunitiesSelf-care is important at this time, but remember your kids need stability and reassurance from you. They need your emotional support. Find a good balance.Kids need security Security comes from knowing what is expected of them and having a stable home environment — not one that is based on emotions alone.Watch out for OverindulgenceDivorce Dog, SkydivingDisneyland Dad syndromeWhat is overindulgence?No rules, no chores or no disciplineGiving lavish giftsSeeking pleasure while minimizing any disappointmentsSo it is ok to go to Disneyland, but do the kids have chores at home?Are they showing gratitude?Do the kids learn about consequences to their actions both good and bad?Are the kids living in a complete Fantasyland that will create little monsters later on?You need to consider what is going on with the kids at both houses. Are they doing chores in both homes? Don't overload them with the same chores back to back.Do not get in a competition with gift-giving with your ex-spouse.First Christmas together exampleCo-Parenting is Different than ParentingYou cannot parent the same way you did before.We tend to be more lenient, especially with the older kids, because you are afraid the kids will want to live with the other parent.Watch out about parenting out of a position of fear. You will always be afraid.It feels like and we act like it is a competition for the love of our children.Divorce changes the environment and you must adjust how you will parent from this point forward.TipsCreate opportunities for the kids to be involved and to be together as a familyDon't push your kids into doing things they don't feel comfortable withHave fun with your kids Take them to activitiesWork with themWork together to get something done and then have funRemember your relationship with your kids is going to change. Your parenting will change too.Linkshttps://goodmenproject.com/families/dont-become-disneyland-dad-divorce-bbab/https://dadsdivorce.com/articles/understanding-the-disneyland-dad/Tina the Divorce DogOverindulgent Christmas ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

One of the worst days in our lives was telling our kids we were getting divorced. Turns out it is also the worst day in the lives of our kids too. In this episode, we discuss how we navigated the tricky conversation that we had with our kids. Our approaches were very different but we found some common things that seemed to work, and some things that did not work so well.How to tell your kids your getting divorcedPaige - Got no advice on how to talk to the kids.Spur of the moment. Decided that morning.Not all the kids were there. Just Jake and Rachel. Then she called Amanda.Sat down together and told the kids together.They told the kids the reason for the divorce. Separation for over a year.What would you have changed?Darren -Got advice from a marriage counselor on how to talk to the kids about the divorce.Planned how we were going to tell the kids for 4 months.In the meantime I purchased a house down the street from the house we were renting at the time.Told all of the kids at the same time.Did not tell the kids why we were getting divorced.Were legally separated for almost 5 months before telling the kids.All the kids were talking to counselors before the divorce. They all had someone to talk to.TipsBE CALM and not in a high emotional state. You need to make sure you are calm cool and collected.Plan out what you are going to say.Give the kids the opportunity to ask questions and time to.What to do after you tell the kidsShow the kids that something has changed. Where are people staying?Getting help for your kids. Someone to talk to.Try and set up a routine.Try and do fun things with them.Don't get a dog! Everyone does. Being there for them.TipsIt's about the children not about you. Don't inject your anxiety into the situation.What is the plan for the day after you tell the kids?Are you still living in the same house?What logistics are there? Who pays for what? What do the kids think we could have done differently.Should you tell the kids why you got divorced?Lemonade Moment of the WeekDarren & Paige take the kids to Hidden falls where they climb the falls and traverse through the river picking and eating blackberries. See the evidence of Darren climbing the falls last year.Linkshttps://www.mother.ly/parenting/how-to-tell-your-kids-youre-getting-a-divorcehttp://theconversation.com/how-to-tell-your-child-youre-getting-divorced-101193https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/hope-for-the-separated/parenting-during-separation ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Open communication is important to any relationship. Don't mistake open communication for transparency like we did. Transparency is about visibility, open communication is more about how, when and where you communicate. In this episode find out how Darren & Paige muddle through their journey to open communication in their marriage.In MarriageBe Timely (Don't put it off, but make sure it is an appropriate time), Pick the right time.Not when you are too angry.Read the room for the mood.Be FlexibleConversations don't always go as planned.Don't get attached to the way you planned the conversation, you will be disappointed in the direction it takes.Move with the dialog. Bend with it and work with the direction it is going.Be PatientNo one communicates perfectly.Listen to what they are saying instead of planning your perfect response.Be IntuitiveThere are more than words when you are communicating.Listen to understand the feeling behind it.This is not an excuse to twist the words of your partner.Read between the lines in a good way, not a bad way. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.Not everyone is a good communicator.Be AcceptingHard to communicate when you are filled with judgment.Let your partner know that you care and love them.When you are feeling judged you just want to shut down.Be HonestHonesty is one of the most important aspects.Clarity, love, and gentlenessDon't dodge the truth for fear on how it will be perceived, you will build bigger walls.Take responsibility, you are in control of the way you communicate with your partner.You cannot control how your spouse communicates. You control yourself, but hopefully, in time they will reciprocate your communication style.With the KidsWhy is Open Communication is important for our kids?If we don't tell them things they make it up. They fill in the gaps, which can be far worse than reality.Example of Sam finding out why his parents got divorced.TimelyRespect of everyone else involved.Make sure your kids know the custody schedules and any changes to the schedule.We use a Google Calendar that they can see.Use a weekly "sync" meeting with the kids to talk about weekly schedule and changes.Don't use the kids to communicate with your Ex!!!With your ExesBe flexible with communication with your ExMany marriages end because you could not communicate effectively in the past. Divorce does not fix communication problems. It makes it 100x worse.Move with the dialog, bend with communication. Don't be on the defensive.Be timely with communication with respect to children's well being. Try and keep emotion out of it.Remember you are no longer married and you respect boundaries and timelinessLemonade Moment of the WeekDarren and Paige learn from this episode about their own communication patterns and make changes to improve. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Triggers exist from previous marriages, childhood trauma and just living life. In this episode, we discuss how we have been able to navigate triggers, sometimes successfully sometimes not so much. Find out how to handle triggers, avoid them and recover from them.TriggersPavlov's Dogs - Ring a bell and they salivate.A trigger is an intense, emotional reaction to a present behavior that reminds you of something painful from your past. Triggers can be words, facial expressions, smells, music, sounds, etc...When Paige goes silent Darren gets worried.When Darren is late that is a trigger for PaigePaige needs to know 100% of the truth. No vagueness.Internet use in the middle of the night.Biggest emotion from a trigger is fear.FEAR - False Evidence Appearing RealSome common fears are:Feeling like you're not enough or unworthyNot feeling safe emotionally or physicallyFeeling left out or abandonedFeeling misunderstood or invalidatedFeeling disrespected or criticizedYou TriggeredNormally our minds go to completely irrational places based on history that we have had in the past.We have feelings of insecurity, fear, doubt, anger.It seems to happen instantaneously.This might lead to saying the wrong thing. Placing your spouse in an unrealistic environment for failure.What should you do when triggered:You should first recognize you have been triggered. Tell your spouse that you have been triggered. "That was a trigger for me".Calm down and try and be rational.Tell your spouse what triggered you.Remember who you are talking to and give them the benefit of the doubt.What if your trigger is justified, a warning sign of bad behavior, or protection.Your Spouse TriggeredIdentify what triggers your spouse. Don't do it.Calm down first.Talk to them rationally after they have been triggered.Talk to them about what caused the trigger. Talk openly about how to avoid the trigger in the future.Remind them that you are not your ex-spouse and that your behavior is not a precursor to other things.Change the words, music, facial expression, smell, whatever the trigger was to avoid it from happening again.Funny Moment of the WeekWe had a family reunion this last week and with two days left the power went out in our remote cabin in Southern Utah. No hot showers and no internet meant we had to spend time talking to each other. :) Linkshttps://www.counselingrecovery.com/blog-san-jose/how-to-heal-a-relationship-trigger ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode learn how a trip to the Oregon Coast quickly turned into a business trip to Washington DC for Darren. Paige decided to join him so they could have some quality time alone together. Travel log and some nice back and forth about a missed romantic trip.Business TripsPlan time to be together.We with no kids turned into a week together.We had planned to spend 5 days in Oregon but Darren had a Business trip pop up and had to go to Washington DC.He took the opportunity to bring Paige along and spend a couple of days seeing some sites in Virginia.Although it was not ideal, It was time to spend together that was valuable.Monticello and UVANice trip to Thomas Jefferson's Monticello.History about the house was interesting.Sally Hemmings history and the discussion that ensued.University of Virginia History and legacy that Jefferson left behind.College Town feel and cute downtown with little boutiques.Thursday being FlexiblePlans for Thursday were to go to downtown Washington DC where Darren had meetings and Paige was going to go to the Newseum.Darren saw a change to the location of his meeting and ended up going to the wrong place Reston instead of Arlington. This wiped out Paiges plan to see the Newseum and Darren had to attend his meeting by phone.Paige changed her plans and went shopping at the local stores and boutiques, which she was planning on doing on Friday while Darren was in meetings all day long.Lunch with Co-workers and the benefit of meeting the people Darren is working with.Movie Review of YesterdayDownpour rainstorm right before we headed to the movie.Thursday evening we went and saw the Movie Yesterday.Coming Home from the TripThe 4-hour flight turned into a 2-hour wait on the tarmac and 4 1/2 hour flight.Luckily we had 3 seats for the two of us.Funny Moment of the WeekOn our trip home we had 3 seats to ourselves but halfway through the flight, they asked us to share because someone was stuck between two very large people. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

How do you discipline children in a blended family? How do you combine your two styles? How do you teach children across multiple households? There are many techniques and opinions on this subject. Now you get to hear our perspective on how we learned how to navigate this treacherous part of blending families. What is DisciplineQuick Definition – Discipline = Rules + ConsequencesDiscipline is different than punishmentPunishment vs ConsequencesRealize Discipline will be different for the kids in their different homesBlending families means blending disciplineBlending Families (Combining two different discipline styles)Nacho Kids – Not your kids you cannot disciplineBio Parent vs Step ParentSame rules different punishments (Consequences)Different rules in the same house. Rules for my kids are different than your kidsRealize that when combining families, discipline will be different at first. You need to come together.Two Households Two Disciplines (Rules and Consequences)Inconsistency between homesPunishments that span the different homesDifferent rules in different homesDiscipline Tips (What worked & What didn't)Consistency is keyDon’t threaten with outrageous consequences“Wait until your dad comes home”“You have 5 seconds to improve” Counting Down, Counting UpKind, firm and consistentFunny Moment of the weekOur best friends down the street send their daughter on a humanitarian trip to Peru and ended up eating Guinea Pig. She has Guinea Pigs as pets at home. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Are you having a hard time figuring out custody schedules with your ex? Are you 50/50 and don't know if you should be a week on week off? Or are you looking at a 2-2-5-5? If you don't even know what these are you can hear the nightmare of scheduling when you have a blended family in this podcast. We discuss the pitfalls and successes we found in negotiating and working custody schedules.Managing SchedulesConsistency is king in schedules for the kids. We just asked our teenage kids that have been living with this schedule and they do not want to change it. They like the way it is.50/50 schedules work best when:The parents live fairly close to each other so exchanges are easier.The parents are able to communicate with each other about the child without fighting.The child is able to handle switching between parents' homes.Both parents are committed to putting the child's best interest first.The parents agree that the 50/50 schedule is the best one for their child.We are lucky in that we only have to coordinate schedules with one ex-spouse not two.But you should consider if you can both schedules.Scheduling Options2-2-5-5The kids have consistency throughout the week. For school that means they are at the same house the same day of the week, every week except weekends alternate.Kids are not away from a parent for too long a period of time.Great for parents that live close. Kids can friends at both homes.Week on Week offThis is nice if you live further apart and the kids are not in school. Or great for the summer schedule.Fewer Transitions2-2-3The kids split time with the parents during the week and alternate the days during the week.This gives parents the opportunity to have every day of the week every two weeks.More TransitionsFind more here: https://www.custodyxchange.com/examples/schedules/50-50/Holiday's and Summer SchedulesMother's Day and Father's Day should be changed so the kids can be with their bio parent. This may mean that a weekend gets swapped with another weekend.List all of the holidays that you want to share.Some holidays you may want to do together. (Halloween Trick or Treating)Some holidays you split in half or alternate.Christmas for us has not been smooth because we have not been prescriptive enough for the two weeks the kids have off from school. We have only specified the Christmas Eve and Day.Summer schedule can be hard to negotiate because of kids camps, vacations, etc...We found that having a deadline for the Summer Schedule is important as if is a forcing function to make use agree.We typically do a week on week off during the summer with sometimes two weeks at a time.Logistics of SchedulingWe use Google Calendar to share the schedule,Each kid has their own schedule as well that we use to put school events, doctor's visits, camps. birthday parties, and even friend dates.Set deadlines for determining summer schedules.Try and be prescriptive for most holiday's. It makes things less contentious. Linkshttps://www.custodyxchange.com/examples/schedules/50-50/https://www.separatedfamilies.info/home/parenting-apart/parenting-agreements/ ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

In this episode we discuss how hard it is to be a step-mom on Mother's Day, heck even Biological Mom's have a hard time with Mother's Day. Find out how we deal with this great day to remember the Moms in our lives.Feeling Let down on Mother's Day Happens to Both Mom's and Step Mom'sLook at the roots of Mother's DayStarted by Anna Jarvis in 1908 by having a special Sunday Service in remembrance to her MotherOfficially in 1914 by President WilsonIt was a time to go back to your home and go to church with your MotherWhite carnations were worn as a badge of respect for mother's that had passed, red and pink for living mothersIt has become one of the biggest holidays for consumer spending. Families also celebrate by giving mothers a day off from activities like cooking or other household chores.Anna Jarvis later started fighting the commercialization of Mother's DayWatch every Mother's Day episode of "The Middle"Generally mothers and step-mothers both feel let down from Mother's DayStep-mom's get the raw end of the dealThis must be really hard for women that have no kids of their own and only step-kidsDealing with Hard Feelings and JealousyThis can be very difficult as you might have feelings of being forgotten or left outRemember the simple things that your spouse and kids do for you on all of the other daysWomen have to take some responsibility for the situation. Help your kids and your spouse help you.If we want our expectations to be managed somewhat then we have to take some controlRespect that the kids are going to be loyal to their bio parentWould you like your kids to share the day with their step-mom?Reach out to your own mom. Try and focus on your mom instead of yourself.Kids Need Guidance and HelpKids are loyal to their bio parents, as well as they should beBut it can still be hurtful to youYour husband needs to step it up, but he will need remindersWe have tried to have Step-Mother's Day the week before Mother's Day, with all of the kids. This gives Darren's kids the opportunity to do something nice for Paige since they are always at their mom's for Mother's Day, as it should be.Men and women think differently. Women tend to overthink things. Men typically never do. It is rare to hear a man complaining about his stepchildren not calling him on Father's Day.If your ex-spouse isn't re-married you should help your kids for Mother's Day, Father's Day and birthdays. You are teaching your kids to be thoughtfulThey are seeing you as a kind personGet over your pride and help them celebrate their parentFunny Moment of the WeekOn the way to the memorial service for Paige's dad, Darren forgot all the ties and hankies that the boiys were supposed to be wearing. Had to turn around and get them. Got stuck in the express lane and then almost ran out of gas. Not funny haha, funny ugh.Linkshttp://www.jamiescrimgeour.com/the-poptart-diaries/to-the-stepmom-feeling-unappreciated-on-mothers-dayhttps://www.history.com/topics/holidays/mothers-day ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

This was a rough week for Paige & Darren, as Paige's mom is checked into the ER and while there her dad suddenly passes away. Darren was 3000 miles away on a work trip and Darren learned how to rely on friends to help out in the hopeless situation. A thousand-mile roundtrip, a broken down car and an emotionally and physically exhausting week led to many lessons learned.Start of the WeekPaige gets a call from her sister that her mom is in the hospital2 hours later, news that her dad had a heart attack30 minutes later, news that her dad had passed awayDarren was in Washington DC on a Business trip with no way to get home until the next dayPaige is surrounded by her friends for comfortDarren arrives the next day and hops into a car for a 7-hour drive to Southern CaliforniaThe three amigos are pulled out of the last two days of finals from middle schoolThe school has been understanding after some heated emails to some teachersThe Passing of a Great ManPaige's mom went into the hospital because of dizziness While she was in the ER her husband passed away from a heart attackPaige's Dad had been suffering from a chronic heart problem and was given 6 months to live 3 years agoWhile Paige's Mom was at the ER, their best friends "Dick and Claudia" came over to "watch" her husbandWe got to talk to "Dick and Claudia" about Johnnie's last moments. They were talking about baseball (one of his favorite things) and in mid-sentence he said "Oh no" and he passed away. He went peacefully the way he wantedJohnnie was one of the kindest, gentle and God fearing men I have ever known Paige always said that he could talk to a brick wall and make it feel wanted and lovedOne of the tender mercies of the week is when they brought Johnnie into the ER where his wife wasThey wheeled him right next to her so she could say good-bye and hold his handThe hospital staff was so amenable and loving toward Paige's Mom it was amazingPaige's mom had a battery of tests and at first, they were concerned that she had a heart attack herself but found out that she was fine. The vertigo was easily controlled with medicine and she was released 2 days laterAfter spending a very emotional few days with family and friends filled with sorrow, memories, and laughs we were all ready to head homeThe Drive homeWe left on Memorial Day to head home so we could get back to normal lifeAbout 2 hours into the trip our car started acting strange and after stopping and getting gas the car had a hard time startingWe called the dealer where we got the car and they suggested we stop at the closest dealership we could findNone of the dealer service centers were open on Memorial Day. so we were stuck, about 5 hours from homeWe left the car in Santa Clarita and tried to find a rental car place open to rent a car to get homeNothing was open in Santa Clarita so Darren took an uber 30 miles in the wrong direction to Burbank Airport where they could rent a car ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★