What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't: Relationship Advice and Respect

Shame strikes at the core of an individual's self-worth. When individuals feel ashamed, they believe that they, themselves, are bad, rather than simply acknowledging that they have done something wrong, which is why shame can be a massive roadblock to healing for so many people.

Accepting reality and acknowledging one's strengths and weaknesses is essential for personal development. By denying or distorting reality, individuals may miss opportunities for growth, self-improvement, and reaching their full potential. So lying to ourselves definitely stunts our growth.

Money & how to manage this difficult subject as a team instead of ignoring the problems or constantly fighting. Money is a powerful force that touches every aspect of our lives, and when it comes to romantic partnerships, it can be a source of unity or division.

Therapy is a process that has to be honest…it is both an art & a science in my mind. It is impossible to grow if both of your feet are in comfort & support. You need to straddle the line between support, safety & being challenged or uncomfortable. Therapy requires that you be uncomfortable to learn new ways to look at yourself.

Agreement and harmony are too often celebrated as the cornerstones of strong relationships, it is only in the presence of healthy disagreement that truly adds depth, resilience, and growth to these bonds. Disagreement, when approached constructively and respectfully, can foster better understanding, promote critical thinking, and lead to enhanced empathy and connection. When people stop avoiding hard conversations and plunge in to the risk of disagreement there is a deep richness to the more honest conversation.

Sleep is a universal experience that affects everyone. Sleep is particularly relevant to relationships, as poor sleep habits can impact both partners and cause relationship stress. Sleep disorders can also affect sexual intimacy, emotional regulation, and communication within relationships.

Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. It gives it its foundation, making sure everything else can fall into place and stay there. Without trust, relationships don't stand much chance for success - infidelity or poor communication can lead to disputes which often cause hurt feelings on both sides involved. So if you're looking for advice on building trustworthy bonds with those around you then come join us as we explore all aspects related to creating such an environment!

Couples need guidance for navigating conflict wisely and skillfully. Hearing what someone has to say is integral in communication, particularly when working through a conflict. Being able to really listen and take in another person's perspective can be the difference between resolving an argument or making it worse. Good listening means hearing them out without judgment, being curious instead of critical. Curiosity keeps the door open. Criticalness slams the door shut.

Recovery can be very difficult because of shame. Shame is an obstacle to healing for everybody. How do you face hard truths about your own dark side without drowning in the shame? Learn how to balance the footprint of shame that stomps on your soul. The only way to continue to respect that your partner's generosity is used up is to recognize that actions speak louder than words. The work of recovery is totally worth it!

Parenting teens can be a struggle and an additional stress on relationships. Your sweet easy to maneuver children turn into road blocks & obstacles. Parents wonder what happened & where did they go wrong. It's really not about what went wrong it's about understanding you've entered a new world and you have to find the flexibility to do things differently. Teens are hungry for respect & the power to decide things.

We'll explore how prioritizing our own personal growth and self-care can translate into stronger and more fulfilling relationships with our partners. We'll also be sharing tips and strategies for cultivating a sense of inner fulfillment and well-being, and how to apply these principles to our relationships.

Insights from a Sex Therapist Expert. Why not prioritize your sex life and wellness? Listen if you are curious about how your sex life stacks up against the rest of America. Did you know that men feel greater distress when they're not content with their sex life? Communication is key if you are looking to improve satisfaction in your sexual relationship.

Relationships can be very confusing. We are taught reading, science, history & if we are lucky sex ed but not anything about what creates trust, why repair is important or how to communicate especially when we are vulnerable. Learning about connections, how to build them & keep them is sorely missing. This episode will fill that knowledge gap!

We all believe it is ideal not to fight, this is complete fantasy. The only way to have real intimacy is to be authentic about our differences instead of swallowing our secret truths. We all want to avoid the messiness of conflict and being uncomfortable which is short term thinking. We all make excuses easily "I didn't want to hurt you" which is really about avoiding hard conversations which leads to a mountain of resentments long term.

People love to avoid conflict because it is messy. Conflict makes people uncomfortable and they don't like not knowing what will happen. Conflict is really important to growing up. My definition of growing up is honestly facing painful situations. Conflict offers an opportunity to grow up, and it's certainly not easy. Learn in this episode how to step into conflict in a respectful way.

There are different ways for couples to be connected; mutual religion as a shared values system, all the many physical activities of tennis, rock climbing, dancing or kayaking. Having shared connections of the ways you enjoy life together really matters. Culture offers so much to anyone as an individual or as a couple. David Brooks describes a piece of art…"as a portal to a deeper realm of the mind…art has the potential to humanize the beholder."

Longevity in relationships slips so easily through our fingers, it's not a simple or small achievement, unless one partner is almost always submissive & not resentful about their wants being ignored. Two adults who are equal in sharing power over priorities, values & decision making have to be involved in constant work together over the decades. This requires partners have imagination, attention & gumption.

This episode is for men who want to do better but don't begin or to know how & their partners who love them. Women often feel misunderstood & men feel like "What more can I do?" and giving up becomes the path with the least pain attached. This episode is to give men guidance on how to grow into even better versions of themselves…which I believe is the great purpose of relationships.

Tiredness is often a triangle of trouble that includes guilt & fears. Wading through those feelings is no small task. They stick to your soul like gum on the bottom of your shoe & contaminate your belief in yourself. It helps to remember that your feelings are not facts. Thoughtfully consider what is the evidence for your feelings & don't put so much weight on them as accurate.

What motivates you to have a better relationship or even a better life? Because it will take work. Do you do the work of loving someone? It's work to accept the parts you find annoying or tedious - it's work to make yourself understood - it's work to listen to disagreement - it's work to respect the differences. It's work to to survive important values collisions. It's work in a frantic/busy life to find one-on-one time to deepen your relationship instead of avoiding difficult conversations.

Dating is really hard work because there is so much uncertainty. Dating is a dance of two people not knowing each other & trying to figure out is it worth spending more of your precious time with this person. It takes time to really know someone. Dating can be both exhausting & discouraging if your interest is not reciprocated. Today's interview is with the Head of Global Communications for OKCUPID.

Often men keep from being vulnerable by being vague, especially about feelings. Feelings are avoided because they are confusing or hard to identify. Men often aren't encouraged to talk about their feelings. In fact, they're sometimes discouraged from doing so. Additionally, men often tend to shy away from vulnerable conversations. This cultural expectation can easily make things more difficult for men in relationships.

This is an ordinary relationship pattern and it offers a real opportunity for both people to grow & improve who they are. People-pleasers of course go along to get along, they are helpful & kind & often neglect their own needs. A Top Dog goes after their own wants with clarity & drive, and they can neglect others before they will neglect themselves. Opposites attract is exactly why this is a pattern that can be observed in so many relationships.

People-pleasing is all about being heavily lopsided in pleasing others as a way of gaining their approval & maintaining relationships. People-pleasing is of course on a continuum, at work in a subordinate role & to fit in socially it is very useful. Less useful are those people-pleasers who end up erasing their authentic self in relationships. People-pleasers have to learn to make conflict & disagreement bearable because this is normal. Stop & consider that conflict increases intimacy & your relationships will be less superficial.

Sexuality is a complex, crucial activity. Only on television where couples reach maximum orgasm easily. Our interest in sex naturally ebbs and flows over the course of a long- term relationship as we age or deal with life changes— It's important to keep in mind that researchers have reliably found that individuals who accept these fluctuations as normal and natural are more sexually satisfied when they hit a bump.

Everybody manipulates to get what they want, even 3 year olds. Manipulation is part of our defense system. Manipulation are ways to win, to have power & control. There are caring & acceptable ways in trying to win games or a politician trying to win votes. Negative manipulations are all about avoiding vulnerablity & having power over others to win. There is always a choice to manipulate with caring or fighting dirty.

Great relationships start with your relationship to yourself. You will be harsh with others if you are harsh with yourself. There are three parts to every relationship. There is you, your partner & the US. Learning to sacrifice in order to take care of the US is something that is not talked about enough in relationships. Individualism needs to be balanced by recognizing what's good for the US.

Three out of four couples experience significant conflict with their in-laws. In-laws can help young couples or derail them on the path to relationship success. The biggest reasons for tension include in-laws giving unwanted opinions, partners taking their parents' side, and disagreements over how to discipline grandchildren.

Dating is a lot of work! It is all too easy to end up discouraged & want to give up because someone else has once again not followed through & just disappeared. Family & friends often don't appreciate how painful & difficult the process of dating can be. There is so much pressure to find the right relationship that it can be hard to look for signs the relationship is a healthy one.

What we want to focus on is, do I have too much anger? Do I get angry too easily? When I get angry, do I stay angry too long? Do I do destructive things when I get angry? So, rather than the anger itself, what we tend to focus on, is my anger making me unhappy? Is it making other people unhappy? Am I doing destructive or hurtful things when I get angry?

A collection of wisdom on making relationships work over the decades. You've heard me say often "Love is wanting to be a better person for your partner." So partnerships grow us into better versions of ourselves. There is purpose to being in relationships & it's not about having an audience to applaud you. It's about having faith that you need to listen to hard truths about yourself from someone you love. It's not about taking the easy way out to stay comfortable. To be uncomfortable is the only path to growing up.

Everybody deals with insecurity & it has a huge negative impact on relationships. The focus for those who are insecure is what's wrong with my partner? Secure attachment, is not about playing games, you're not trying to win or have power over the other person. It's not a perfect situation. Secure attachment means you're able to navigate emotionally. It can't be about relying on the other person to do this for you.

In intercultural & in interracial relationships as well, you don't always know what you're getting yourself into. Often, it takes several years, several challenges, a lot of conflict within couples to really figure out what it is that seems to be the issue or why it even is an issue... Both individuals can maintain their cultural identities through negotiation, & also own their awareness of what their own cultural identities mean to them.

Divorce often happens in year 6 to 10. research finds year 8 to be ordinary. In the 50s, it was called "The Seven Year Itch'. If your relationship is struggling in these years, it is an ordinary development. The essence of real love is wanting to be a better person. When someone turns their back on doing the work of change and growth, that's what repair of a relationship requires, then they are unwilling to do the work of real love.

Life is chock full of choices. There are choices that are self defeating or even self destructive. Then there are choices that are life generating. It's our choices that make up our life. It's our choices that make the difference in having success in our relationships. Some choices don't feel like choices because they are entrenched bad habits that usually comfort us in some way. Even when we feel we don't have a choice, we do.

Many relationships begin because one person is grabbing onto someone else to feel ok. Everybody wants to be loved, but the solution to this, is the age old wisdom that you have to love yourself first. Taking responsibility for our own choices & learning to accept both the good & the bad within all of us is key to self-esteem.

So often in relationships we are quick to focus our unhappiness on our partner. It's their fault things don't get better, right? It's way too easy to blame others & not look at ourselves. This episode takes a look at what YOU can do, whether or not your partner is interested in improvements.

Dig down underneath the resentments to communicate or begin the dead-end path to bitterness. Everybody has a choice about which direction to go in. We avoid the "risk" of asking real questions, so we can stay in the safe zone of not dealing with someone else. We have our imaginary conversations, we decide we know how it will turn out & we bail. Authentic conversation requires real effort in real life.

Trauma deeply challenges our sense of safety and security in the world, which often has an impact on relationships. It's natural for those who have suffered trauma to feel that building close relationships is frightening because they don't want to experience more hurt. Someone who is coping with trauma may feel disconnected from themselves as well as their partner.

Responding is harder to do because it is more complicated than just defensively reacting. Respecting your partner is all about responding & reacting is only all about you. This episode will help you think about how to improve responding to your partner.

Erectile Dysfunction impacts relationships & couples don't know how to talk about it & don't have enough information about it, so this episode is all about correcting this problem. The Cleveland Clinic reports 1 in 10 men will experience ED in their lifetime & only 25% of men with ED receive treatment.

Money & sex are the two things couples argue most about. Most couples don't want to talk about it because they fight. Budgets are like diets, they don't work. Learn here how to think about a spending plan. Instead of beating yourselves up for your past attempts at trying to talk about money, try acknowledging where each of you come from in terms of your family histories without judgment.

Everybody buries themselves in piles of doubt & insecurities that clutter up our lives & our relationships. Some of us cover things up better than others, but no one escapes obsessing about their fears & doubts. Facing your anxieties & insecurities by decontaminating your brain is achievable. Listen & learn how to do it!

Relationships thrive when the 4 pillars of successful relationships are nurtured. The 4 pillars are Honesty, Respect, Generosity & Negotiating. Relationships are one of the most important parts of life & there are no classes in high school to help you learn how. Make no mistake about it, relationships are a lot of work because everybody is wired differently.

Relationships thrive when the 4 pillars of successful relationships are nurtured. The 4 pillars are Honesty, Respect, Generosity & Negotiating. Relationships are one of the most important parts of life & there are no classes in high school to help you learn how. Make no mistake about it, relationships are a lot of work because everybody is wired differently.

Self-sacrifice has been misinterpreted by too many, as the way to be the "best" partner you can be. For this episode I have Alicia Munoz joining me to discuss how you can use your own experience of pleasure and joy as a compass to guide you to being more fulfilled as a person, and therefore, a "better" partner. When I heard this topic, I immediately thought of the stewardess on the plane advising parents to put their own mask on first in the event of a plane crash.

Emotionally unavailable men are something many partners experience. I think the greatest pain about this problem is that it leaves both people in a relationship feeling even lonelier. Today's episode is to help us understand this dynamic & move towards solutions instead of giving up. Relationships can survive difficulties when there is a more balanced understanding instead of blame. Certainly women can also be emotionally unavailable.

Self-confrontation is a rare commodity in human beings. It's really hard to look honestly at yourself. Digesting hard truths about yourself is no easy task. We are all so good at telling ourselves it's ok when it's not. We justify why we did something, we make it ok, we make excuses for ourselves. Facing a harsh truth about yourself, makes you feel bad & that's the point, the discomfort helps you to decide "I'm not doing that again."

Gay couples have insights to offer all couples. Interview with Michael Dale Kimmel author of The Gay Man's Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage. He offers important ideas like what is the intention of your marriage? to have fun, share great sex or deepen an emotional connection to stay together for life? He also invites you to consider emotional monogamy if you are in an open relationship.

When you've been in a relationship with a disturbed manipulative person, regardless of where they are on the spectrum, you get into a real habit of looking outward far too much. All of your attention and energy is focused on what are they going to do next? How are they going to react if I say, or do this? You train yourself to look outside of yourself where you have no power or control. You have to learn how to build security within & invest in yourself instead.