We Gotta Thing - A Swinger Podcast

Listen in as our event guests discuss working through their individual fears, anxieties and challenges at a clothing optional resort during our week together at Desire Pearl Resort just south of Cancun, Mexico.

We sit down with four of our lifestyle friends and share real stories about what it's like to experience hurt feelings during an event and how to dissect, debrief, discover and confront the root cause of the issue. As much as it hurts sometimes, we discuss why we think it's important to work through the issues together in order to experience personal growth and strengthen our relationships.

We discuss four distinct behaviors we consider to be deal breakers to moving forward and possibly making new lifestyle friends and connecting with potential play partners. Sharing opinions on politics, religion or other emotionally charged topics Being closed minded or judgmental toward others Being 'tone deaf,' or not being able to read the room Trying too hard to make something happen What do you think? What behaviors do you consider to be deal breakers?

Finding your tribe, making lifelong friends, connecting for sexy playtime and growing your primary relationship are just a few ways to define 'success' in the lifestyle. Many may mistakenly believe you can just fill out a profile and 'show up' to quickly enjoy these benefits. We have learned that just like in life, you must both put in the hard work over a period of time to experience all the lifestyle has to offer. Are you ready to put in the hard work? We believe the reward is worth the effort!

New Relationship Energy (NRE) is that sexual buzz we feel when we first meet and connect with a couple or individual. We discuss navigating this heightened state of emotional and sexual feelings by processing it, understanding it, keeping it in perspective and responding to it in a healthy way. NRE can feel scary and risky but we believe if it's understood and managed well it can provide a super charged experience and be very meaningful (and a whole lot of fun) for all involved.

As the idea and exploration of consensual non-monogamy continues to grow we have noticed the need for organized community. The different flavors and diverse approaches means that one size does not fit all needs. We invited our friends Fin and Emma from the Normalizing Non-monogamy podcast to chat with us about their community and how the four of us see how communites are forming and how to find the one that fits you best. Here are a few communities to explore: Normalizaing Non-monogamy community We Gotta Thing community Multi-amory community Bloom community platform Bonobo network

To quote Mrs Jones, "we should be an example and not a blueprint." It may seem natural to adapt our 'thing' into your lifestyle journey but that could be a mistake. Giving yourselves an opportunity to create and refine your own 'thing' while learning from the examples of others in the lifestyle can be liberating and exciting.

Catherine (one of our favorite humans) and her team from Expansive Connection join us to discuss how they have created a unique method of coaching non-monogamous people! Not only do they offer a 'judgment free' zone but they bring their certified credentials and experience in the lifestyle. Learn more about what an experience will be like with Catherine and Expansive Connection below. Expansive Connection Expansive Connection in the We Gotta Thing Community NNM Enneagram Episode 1 NNM Enneagram Episode 2 NNM Enneagram Episode 3 NNM with Catherine

We often hear couples suggest they are taking a break from the lifestyle due to 'real life' issues. We also hear some say that 'real life' is getting in the way of their lifestyle activities. In this episode we share some very personal news and explain why we believe the lifestyle IS real life and the two can successfully co-exist.

Have you experienced lifestyle play partners getting a little upset when you choose to spend time with others? How about hard feelings when one of you seems to be enjoying the lifestyle more than the other? Some use the term 'jealous' when these things happen but we'd like to dive a little deeper and talk about why we use the the word envy as opposed to jealousy.

This is the most important topic that nobody wants to talk about! Chances are this won't happen to you (as it did us) but we still want to help prepare you just in case... We reflect back on our experience of being outed and discuss what we've learned (and are still learning) during the process. Yes, it's painful but it's not the end of the world!

Listen in as our guests share their Desire Pearl 2021 snapshots in a recorded-live conversation from the resort! Some are thoughtful and meaningful, some are sexy and others are downright hilarious! Oh, and we share ours as well... Our new 'What's Your Thing?' sexy and smart card game is now available! Here is our updated Naughty Stockings list just in time for the holiday shopping season (or any season really)...

This month we discuss why other couples reject us when reaching out from a lifestyle dating site and how to improve our chances of success in the future. This episode complements our episode 62 "Putting Yourself Out There - Lifestyle Profiles 2.0" and our blog post on the same topic titled "Our First Online Couple Profile."

We discuss the importance of trust from four different angles: trusting your relationship, trusting each other, trusting other couples and trusting who you are becoming in the lifestyle. Also, I (Mr Jones) share my first ever experience getting waxed...

Group play can be fun but also tricky! In this episode we explore the benefits and pitfalls and share our perspective on how we approach and navigate playing in larger groups. We also recap our very first Desire Mansion takeover event!

No matter how long you've been in the lifestyle you are going to make mistakes. So we've come up with a few tips to help you minimize those mistakes and make your play experiences more meaningful and fun!

In this episode we discuss how our perceptions change to our reality the more we are exposed to actual events. All of us have pre-lifestyle perceptions, newbie lifestyle perceptions and even veteran lifestyle perceptions that can change- but only if we take a step (or two) forward and try new things. Blog post mentioned: That One Time in Band Camp

There are perceptions in the lifestyle that a woman must be 'bi-something' to attract and connect with other couples. On the men's side of things there is a double standard and a stigma attached to being 'bi-something' in the lifestyle. In this episode our goal is to dispel some myths and share our personal views around each in an attempt to provide a safe space for sharing thought provoking conversations in the lifestyle. We believe these conversations must occur for people's minds to be opened and more accepting to those interested in exploring being 'bi-something' in the lifestyle.

Perhaps you have not had your first play experience yet or haven't had one in a very long time due to the current pandemic. Preparing for that first play experience creates a lot of build up, anticipation and nerves. No matter how that first time goes one can lose sight of the fact that it's only one experience and should not be the benchmark for all future play times in the lifestyle!

Do you struggle with if, when and how to tell other couples you're not interested in meeting? What about after you've played and you've lost interest? What if they ask you why you aren't interested? What if you are the recipient of a 'let down' message? Do you want to know why or would you rather just move on to the next couple? Does the sting of rejection ever get easier? We invite you to listen in as we discuss this topic from both sides!

Not only does real life often get in the way of engaging in the lifestyle, but simply staying sexually connected as a couple is a struggle. Add a global pandemic to the mix and you have the perfect storm of events that make this struggle almost impossible to avoid. In this episode we really don't have solutions to the issue, we simply share where we are in this so that as a couple you know you are not alone.

We believe there are three important components of compatibility that we need to consider when trying to find connections with people in the lifestyle: General Compatibility, Safety & Health Compatibility and Sexual Compatibility. In this episode we define these components, discuss why they are critical for success and how to know if such compatibility exists when you're meeting new friends.

In this episode we discuss the idea that there is a unique language spoken by those in the swinging lifestyle. We believe this language is comprised of four distinct elements: the language of speaking, the language of listening, the language of the body and the language of behavior. We also believe becoming fluent in this language will help smooth the pathway forward and help you more easily connect with others.

We talk a lot about all the special friendships we've made in the lifestyle and many of you express frustration over finding the type of connections we describe. In this episode we offer tips on what it takes to be successful finding and building special relationships with those who will become true friends!

It's not a secret that engaging in the lifestyle can be expensive! In this episode we discuss budgeting tips for your lifestyle adventures and why we prioritize spending money on us as an investment in our relationship.

Men are programmed through all aspects of life to avoid showing interest in other women. But now we are in this lifestyle where other women expect us to show some interest. This is so confusing! How are us guys supposed to know when you ladies are interested in getting to know us better? Get out your notepads for this episode as Mrs Jones sets us all straight in the matter...

Before entering the lifestyle or becoming experienced in the lifestyle we never imagined doing some of the things we've actually done and things we've learned about the lifestyle. We share how our perspectives change over time and also share what some of our listeners have to say about their own experiences! Mentioned: Room 77 Podcast with Richard and Lauren

As we are mired in the current pandemic many of us are being pulled back away from our social and sexual mindsets. When we are concerned about our jobs, our children, our families and our health we need to be deliberate to ensure our relationships and our sexuality is a priority! We discuss the difficulty of resolving the tension between who we are wired to be as humans and who we are trained to be by society. Mentioned in this episode: Brene Brown Unlocking Us Podcast Casual Toys store We Gotta Thing website

Erectile Dysfunction and Performance Anxiety are often misunderstood by many in the lifestyle. Numerous couples experience this issue but don't take the time to acknowledge, openly discuss, research and confront the issue head on. Normally us guys would rather get a prescription for a performance enhancing medicine but never understand and treat the underlying health and psychological issues. Mr Night returns to give us his professional opinion and we share our views as an experienced lifestyle couple.

As we all focus on staying well during this pandemic we thought it a good time to talk about a few health related issues and how they impact our lifestyle journey. "Mr Night" is a certified Family Nurse Practitioner of 20 years and is also a certified Bio-identical Hormone Replacement Specialist. He and his wife "Mrs Night" are also in the lifestyle and join us to discuss how diet, exercise, hormones and supplements can be used to proactively manage our health as we age. Questions for "Mr Night" can be sent to us through our We Gotta Thing website. To learn more about hormone replacement and how to find a reputable provider visit worldlinkmedical.com

We've all heard the term 'opposites attract' when talking about relationships. Does the same hold true when finding connections in the lifestyle? Do we search for people just like our partners or do we find ourselves attracted to those who are the opposite? Listen in as we discuss our preferences and what we're still learning about ourselves and each other as we continue to navigate this lifestyle. Mentioned: Casual Toys USA Transfers Everlywell STI Testing Double Date Nation Kasidie Desire Resorts Discounts

We are all guilty of creating false narratives and making up those stories in our heads as we consider approaching another couple in the lifestyle. Sometimes we don't even give the other couple a chance because we are certain we know the ending of the story! We convince ourselves that they are out of our league, or they won't find us attractive, or they will probably just reject us. We talk with our friends Andi and Dave from the lifestyle dating site Double Date Nation about how we can all recognize when we begin telling our own story and how to intervene to help create the true story!

In this episode we discuss the issue of 'Kissing and Telling' in the lifestyle. How do you feel about couples sharing personal details about a private play experience? Do you share details with others to include the names of your play partners? Is there ever a good reason to Kiss and Tell? Listen in as we discuss our opinions in the matter!

Listen in on our conversation with a resort full of imperfect but beautiful ladies! The ladies of Desire discuss what they've had to realize and overcome in order to enjoy and grow into the lifestyle. Along the way the are discovering real transformation both in themselves and in relationships with their partners.

We all agree consent is a bedrock principle in the lifestyle but most conversations around this topic focus on verbal consent. We'll talk about using our words but will also consider two additional dimensions: non-verbal consent (body language) and giving yourself consent.

Topic- Some people are either put off by the term "swinger" or have misperceptions of what it really means today. We've decided to use the term 'Social Sexy' to describe how we view and engage with others in the world of ethical non-monogamy. Mentioned: Our friend "Ess" is a boudoir photographer. Check him out on Instagram and read his recent blog post on our website!

We discuss identifying red flags in other couples and how to respond when you see them. We also talk about red flags that pop up within your own relationship and how, if left unresolved can lead to you becoming a red flag to other couples. Listen in as we work through one of our own red flags!

When first considering reasons for entering the lifestyle making lifelong friends is not normally the goal. But after getting used to connecting with people and having some sexy playtimes we begin to realize how 'human' our lifestyle friends are and how these friendships are sometimes deeper, more meaningful and more real than any we've had before. We talk about our pathway to discovering our tribe in the lifestyle and just how special some of these friendships have become!

Discussion topic: We often focus on rules and guidelines "inside the bedroom" but in this episode we discuss what we consider to be the golden rules of the lifestyle outside of the bedroom. The importance of Confidentiality, Respect and Honesty with ourselves and others should seem evident but in a sex-charged environment they can be easily overlooked and forgotten.

Join our conversation with Bomber and The Belle from the Black & Kinky Podcast as we discuss the issue of race in the lifestyle today. As a black couple they share their perspective, experience, opinions and challenges around meeting and connecting with those of a different race.

In this episode we discuss what "chemistry" in the lifestyle means to us and how it's different from attraction. Is chemistry between others instantaneous? Can chemistry with others fade over time? How is chemistry with lifestyle friends different from the chemistry between me and my spouse or partner? Listen in for our answers to these questions and hear a couple of sexy snapshots from us and some listeners! Join our We Gotta Thing members only community Visit our website and learn more about our upcoming WGT events

In this episode we talk with the creators of the brand new lifestyle website Double Date Nation, Dave and Andi. The four of us discuss our ideas and share our opinions on how best to create and optimize your lifestyle website profile to be most effective. We also interview them about their new site to find out how it's different from others and why they believe another lifestyle dating site is necessary. To try Double Date Nation free for three months sign up here and use promo code: WGTPC Watch Dave and Andi on their YouTube channel: The Celibate Swingers

George has been hosting elaborate and sexy lifestyle events all over the world for 15 years. Since we've attended several and get many questions about these 'mysterious' lifestyle gatherings we thought it best for you to hear directly from George! From Burning Man to Cuba to London, Mexico City, Manhattan Napa and even Washington, DC you're sure to find an event to pique your interest. Care to join us? Explore all of George's upcoming events here!

Discussion Topic: In Part 2 of our judgment series we are joined by our "much younger friends" to talk about how age factors in to meeting, connecting and even playing with couples who are much older or younger. We also break down age related stereotypes in the lifestyle. Is age truly just a number? The New Monogamy- Redefining Your Relationship after Infidelity by Tammy Nelson Join our members only community!

Discussion Topic: We all have experienced being judged. However, we don't often reflect on how we judge others or why so many people in the lifestyle still tend to judge. We discuss how we are wired and what influences in our lives may predispose us to our own personal bias when assessing and judging others. Try Double Date Nation free for three months! Use promo code WGTPC and join us as we help build a brand new lifestyle dating site. Listen to our friends Jay and Kay from That Couple Next Door podcast. Less than 5 rooms remain! Travel with us to Desire Pearl the week of November 16-23, 2019! Book your trip here. Join our Members Only Community

Discussion Topic: The swinging lifestyle is a place we go to grow our relationship. But to experience any kind of personal or relationship growth we must step out of and beyond our comfort zones. Listen as we discuss the topic ourselves and then hear similar thoughts from others in a session we recorded with Swinging Downunder on our latest trip to Desire Pearl Resort in Cancun, Mexico. Less than 10 rooms remain! Travel with us to Desire Pearl the week of November 16-23, 2019! Book your trip here. Join our Members Only Community Listen to the Swinging Downunder podcast

Discussion Topic: Does being in the lifestyle mean a race to full-swap? Will we find ourselves always wanting more? Why does trying the lifestyle seem like a risk to our relationship? Will we become addicted and always want more? We discuss the importance of agreeing on "why" you are in the lifestyle and how critical it is to stay on the same page throughout your journey. Travel with us to Desire Pearl the week of November 16-23, 2019! Book your trip here. Join our Members Only community here!

Discussion Topic: Using Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, we align how those same habits can make you successful as a couple in the swinging lifestyle. Travel with us to Desire Pearl the week of November 16-23, 2019! Book your trip here. Join our Members Only community here!

Discussion topic: In this episode we catch you all up to date on what we've been going through since we were "outed" as lifestyle podcasters 18 months ago. Through all the turmoil we lost our "happy place" and share how we've grown and rediscovered each other. Each person and couple has the freedom to define and then find their happy place in the lifestyle. Our We Gotta Thing Desire Pearl trip next year we be the week of November 16-23, 2019. Click here to join us! Join our WGT Members Only Community here!

Discussion topic: Most agree we'd like to avoid any drama in a lifestyle experience. But is this a realistic expectation? Is drama such a bad thing? Do we know what drama really is and is not? How should we handled drama if we encounter it in ourselves or another couple? Catherine (from episode 41), a licensed professional counselor joins us again and provides answers, insights and tools to help answer these and other questions around drama in the lifestyle! You can reach Catherine via email at: [email protected] Catherine's website is www.expansiveconnection.com Michelle Chalfant: The Child Chair The Adolescent Chair The Adult Chair Join our Members Only Community here!