Top Flight Time Machine

All the football is back – we have a look at it, propose a new VIP option for West Ham, discuss Disney princesses, consider the ramifications of a loose goose on a podcast, and wonder about Robbie Williams’ past cucumber history… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahead of our new, weekly topical episodes, we’ve sent the Time Machine forwards to try and predict what will happen in the coming season. We also watched the last 20 minutes of the transfer window while we recorded the episode… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Roy Evans gets eased out, John Gregory gives mental health advice, Phil Babb clatters his knackers, Robbie Fowler sniffs the pitch, and Joe Kinnear’s heart packs up. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Russia, and the most recent World Cup! England fever, getting erotically hobbled by the president of Croatia, some more deeply unsavoury anecdotes, and a load of other stuff. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Brazil… a goalfest with fair-play Colombian shame, some tattoo stories, Luis Suarez’s teeth injury, Stevie Wonder’s driving abilities, and a plan for a glorious 2018 festival… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To South Africa… but what if it had been Libya? There's a scaffolding-wielding mascot, misery for England, zodiac-based team selections, Paul the psychic octopus, some cat talk, and Nelson Mandela’s biting phase. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Germany, with a hungover and semi-naked mascot, a trip to a Hungarian circus, the bawdiness of Baden Baden, another dream from John Laptop-Case, trouserless Dutchmen, and booze secretion tips. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To South Korea, and breakfast boozing, the worst mascots to date, Keane v McCarthy, outrage at a foreign England boss, some tree-bound lavatorial horror and so much more… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

France 1998. Knife-wielding Italian hooligans, Ronaldo, disgusting wardrobe squatting, Zidane, dream analysis, speedballs, Beckham, a chat show dog that walks on its hind legs and so much more…  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A yankee doodle World Cup, with ITV's anti-tan strategy, Maradona's five-drug cocktail, imaginary noncing, a tale about Steve Jones from The Pyramid Game, and the launch of the hit TV show 'Sausage Island'... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Italia 90 – the worst mascot so far, some patchy football, a school play, an unexpected rat’s tail, Roger Milla’s love tree, short man syndrome and drugged Gatorade. Oh, and hello Mr. Sausage… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To Mexico! We discuss the sanitary arrangements of England's group opponents, the correct pronunciation of 'jalapeno', cocaine-fuelled football and which is best out of rats and bats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

School art displays, Naranjito’s sex life, alphabetical squad numbers, a dead OAP’s TV, squad songs, the worst assault on a football pitch EVER and Paul Breitner’s chequered past. Oh and… (Toni Polster...) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Christian Gross arrives on the tube, Roy Hodgson returns from European exile, Temuri Ketsbaia has a striptease meltdown, Ron Noades appoints himself at Palace, and we also look at Sky Sports' marketing strategies, Ever Decreasing Circles and shop vibes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Graeme Souness is duped into signing Ali Dia, Kevin Keegan gets confused about miracles, Howard Wilkinson lashes out at Leeds and plots a swallow-based training session, Tony Adams bins the booze and gets addicted to self-reflection, John Motson describes an otherworldly goal and which player has a heart that is even bigger than his entire body? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sexy sexy sexy. With sexy foreigners, sexy football, the sexy team bus video that killed Newcastle United's title challenge and Peter Schmeichel's scorched douglas, this was easily the most erotically-charged Premier League season to date. Oh, and there was Bruce Rioch as well.,, Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Another season examined by Andy and Sam, including George Graham's hole in the corner, how many helicopters you'd need to lower an elephant into Selhurst Park, a lawyer visiting a barber's shop for the very first time, and Rodney Marsh - cat-killer... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Some of the highlights of the Premier League's second season, including speculation over the smell of John Gorman, Alex Ferguson's cocker spaniel observations, some expensive Clubcall memories, a very NSFW movie quiz and Bill Kenwright's Everton 'mechanism'... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The dawning of the Premier League and the rebirth of football itself. All the major issues are discussed, including cheerleaders, Jack Walker's millions, Alan Cork's proto-hipster beard, Alan Hansen's throbbing vein and Sheffield cutlery manufacturing etiquette. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.