Healing the Unmet Needs of Our Younger Selves

Have you ever had a reaction that felt bigger than the situation? Maybe your partner forgot something small, and suddenly you felt worthless. These moments often have roots in our past.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Tamera Broughton to talk about how our unmet childhood needs show up in adult life, relationships, and emotional reactions. We explore how trauma is more than big, obvious events, it can also be the quiet absence of attunement, delight, or safety when we need it most.

Together, we unpack how to recognise when old wounds are being triggered, what healing can look like through therapies like EMDR, and why making the “invisible visible” is key to moving forward.

Key Takeaways:

• Trauma isn’t just what happened to you, it’s also what was missing.
• Disproportionate reactions often signal old pain, not just present triggers.
• Unmet emotional needs can create shaky “scaffolding” that affects self-worth and relationships.
• Healing involves strengthening internal resources as well as processing past pain.
• EMDR therapy can help shift old beliefs (“I’m not enough”) into healthier, adaptive ones.
• Noticing patterns and reactions is the first step toward change.

If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or loved one who’s curious about the impact of childhood experiences on adult life.

Resources:

• Tamera’s website: https://centreself.com.au/clinicians-item/tamera-broughton-n/  
• What Happened to You? by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
• What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo

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Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/