Attachment Styles in Conflict: Breaking the Cycle
This Complex Life · Marie Vakakis
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Show Notes
If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it.
Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over.
In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle.
In this episode you will learn:
• Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over
• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other
• What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict
• Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other
• The difference between taking a break and stonewalling
• How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments
• Practical scripts to help repair after conflict
• Why repair is more important than getting it right
Resources mentioned:
- Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
- Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
- Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub
If this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation.
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https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/
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