The Slumflower Hour

Does being a people pleaser put you in a position where you're more likely to encounter financially and emotionally manipulative men? Are we conflating kindness with codependency? What do we gain from putting men's sexual needs above our own? Why are people accepting 'nap/shower dates' from men? In this episode, Chidera visits her past as a former 'pick me' (aka desperate dater), the pitfalls of financially sponsoring men who will spend your money on other women, signing legally-binding documents with crooked men, letting men use your car/address to do shady shit, referring to yourself as a 'easy down-ass chick' when really, you're scared men won't pick you... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever considered that your desperation might be repelling the men who are actually meant for you? With the rise of 'femininity coaching', are men even worth the fixation we place on being 'feminine' for them? Are femininity coaches desperate? Is Lori Harvey being 'passed around' by men, or is she onto something we haven't clocked yet? In this rather hilarious episode, Chidera discusses her own past with trying out the 'femininity' approach to dating, and delves into why in her experience and opinion, it doesn't work. In a world where relationships with men can grant us social currency, are we picking men based on what will look nice online, or are we choosing male partners based on how ready they are to support and love us as multi-dimensional beings? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do we even seek closure after a relationship has ended? Is it to find peace in a resolved answer? Are we secretly looking for one last opportunity to re-connect? Does ending a relationship on friendly/open-ended terms give us closure? In this week's episode, The Slumflower discusses why the pursuit of closure could be linked to the desire to feel a sense of control - and why this usually comes from not wanting to confront feelings of rejection and idleness. Do we give our power away when we entertain our own delusions of what it means when an ex returns out of the blue? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do his compliments feel forced? Do you find yourself clinging onto minor moments and over-analyzed texts, to justify to yourself that he 'does' like you? Is he in competition with you? If you resonated with any of these questions, it might be time to leave that man. For some of us, walking away feels too scary to fathom, but the best way to start is to compile a list of pros and cons, starting with reasons to leave vs reasons to stay! Join Chidera, as she goes through a comprehensive list of reasons to leave that man - and why you must trust in that decision if it feels right for you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is that man gassing you up to disarm you, only to slowly start pulling away and giving you less? In this episode, The Slumflower discusses why you might need to pause on dating men if you're a pushover, and whether looks are a good enough reason to give a guy a chance to date you. Are visually-appealing relationships becoming the new content farms for influencers who have something to prove? Is posting your boyfriend bad luck for the relationship? Are men even worth publicly claiming anymore? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trying to figure out if the guy you're currently seeing is just for a season? In this episode, Chidera dissertates on the difference between a 'Mr Right' and a 'Mr Right Now'. Does it feel like you conveniently have a lot in common with your guy but for some reason, something still feels off? Or is there a compatibility even though you both maintain your unique individualism? Do you feel conditionally desired by him? Or are you confident in his attraction to you? By the end of this episode, you'll be able to figure out if he's a keeper or a leaver! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this hilarious episode, join Chidera as she ponders on encountering patriarchy when dating: are men ever worth neglecting your non-negotiables for? Do you even have non-negotiables for men you prefer to date and if not, why are you scared? Why are there men who love women that know what they like, until what that woman likes is money, or something else he cannot falsely present? What happens if we accept that all relationships are somewhat transactional? Will we then, be able to approach the conversation of negotiation as an important element of partnering with men? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In an episode full of spicy dating app anecdotes, join The Slumflower as she discusses what to put on your profile to best communicate your standards while still being fun and flirty, alarming things to look out for on a guy's dating app profile, why she doesn't believe in giving out your phone number to men on dating apps - even if you've agreed too meet for the first time, and why you should probably avoid telling men you're 'looking for a relationship'! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is the desperation and hurry to find 'the one' leading us into the arms of dangerous men? Can being an 'independent woman' put you at more risk of accepting men who dump their financial problems onto you? What happens if the abusive man you're dating has finally started therapy? Should you cling onto the hope that he will start treating you better, or should you cut your losses and leave even if there's a (slim) chance he might actually change forever? In this episode, The Slumflower explores the emotional erosion men enact on us, and why walking away will almost always be a better choice than to stay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever been swiped on a dating app by a man who once bullied you? Are 'all men' really bad? Would you date a simp? Amongst these questions, Chidera discusses sentiments regarding men that she's changed her mind on, reserving her femdom sadism for white men, and her cash kink - along with a story of when a man paid her for a 'girlfriend experience'. Should men pay to date us or have women taken the self-appreciation too far? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you granting men #PityPussy because you feel sorry for them? Do you feel like a bad person for not wanting to date a guy who isn't doing very well in his life right now? Are you picking men as partners or projects and how long do these projects usually last before you recognise you've slipped back into the cycle of saving men? If you answered 'yes' to any of these, YOU'RE NOT ALONE! Amongst this array of questions, The Slumflower discusses the advantages of asexuality in dating, deliberately amping up the sexy after leaving him (for his own good), and manoeuvring sexual tension with sexy male friends - without falling into the friends-with-benefits trap! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does every sour situation need to end in blocking him? Or are there other ways to teach him how to treat you? When blocking men from having undeserved access to you, there is a fear of looking 'bitter'. But maybe coming across scorned in response to misogyny isn't the worst thing that could ever happen to you! In this episode, The Slumflower discusses why insecure men usually target strong, bold women - along with all the encouragement, affirmation and motivation you need to get rid of that man who's lingering in the corridors of your life like a lost Victorian child. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As the recession rises, will we start accepting even less from men because we feel sorry for them? Are we going to see a rise in women accommodating men at their own expense? Women are scared of being financially abused by men who out-earn them, but does paying men's way instead, protect us from their abuse? Join The Slumflower, as she opens up the question of whether a woman can be feminist and accept financial support from men, and whether we are shooting ourselves in the foot by veering too far down the rabbit hole of ‘independence’. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever imagined what a powerful version of yourself would look like if you knew you'd never face judgement or failure? Why are we so scared of upholding our own sexual power in a world where men exert their dominion on us everyday? The Slumflower opens up about her experience as a dominatrix, why women deserve to be adored on their terms, and how leaning into your femme-dominance might actually be the catalyst for healing your relationship with men. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you deal with the inevitable male complacency, that comes with making yourself far too available, way too soon? What does it mean when he suddenly starts to pull away after being intense with you? In this episode, The Slumflower talks pole dancing as a sexy hobby, being able to spot an unserious man, along with ideas on how to gracefully handle ghosting! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when being a good girl doesn't work? What happens when you finally decide to know your worth and act on it? Is your joy worth the temporary sacrifice of familiarity and comfort? Or is it safer to settle into the subjugation and watch your life pass you by? Chidera is the angel on your shoulder, here to remind you that it's not too late to redeem your power as a woman. She's also the shoulder demon that will 100% enable you to be that extra little bit more selfish. After all, men do it all the time right? Watch and listen every Friday! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices