The Political Orphanage

Where do non-partisan people tend to live? What factors are most associated with political prejudice? Comedian and political scientist Dr. Andrea Jones-Rooy joins Heaton to a discuss a recent PredictWise survey trying to quantify each of America's 3,000 counties according to partisanship. (Plus, Heaton ranks world leaders according to who he would want to vacation with).

The head of the Food & Drug Administration, Scott Gottlieb, is leaving, so Heaton is officially nominating Stu Burguiere to be its new commissioner. He talks with Heaton about the false sense of security the FDA brings the public, and the ways it can be counterproductive for life-saving pharmaceuticals.

Why we should rename Mt. Everest, what hipsters are and aren't, when cemeteries become yoga studios, and the best legislation to come out of Utah—all this on another installment of Friday Release Valve.

Garrett Graff, author of Raven Rock: The Story of the U.S. Government's Secret Plan to Save ItselfÑWhile the Rest of Us Die joins Heaton to discuss the presidential succession, secret military bunkers, and the history of the cold warÑfrom the perspective of doomsday plans.

Bernie Sanders John Hickenlooper and (probably soon) Beto O'Rourke have jumped into the already crowded Democratic 2020 primary. Meanwhile Donald Trump has his own challenger in the GOP. Will Weld help or hobble the Donald? Who's the Democrat's Jeb of the 2020 election well-positioned but destined to flame out? Justin Robert Young and Brian Brushwood join Heaton for industrial-strength rampant political speculation.

Senator Mike Lee of Utah joins Heaton to talk about how federalism has become out of whack, and ways to restore balance to the Force.

Bernie Sanders and Tucker Carlson have both settled onto a single big problem in America—stuff. Katherine Mangu-Ward the Editor-in-Chief of Reason Magazine joins Heaton to explain how an adorable Japanese tidying celebrity provides an alternative mindset.

Mike Kaplan, co-host of the "Lost in America Podcast," joins Heaton to sort the week's most baffling headlines. Including: The artistic abilities of pigs, radioactive cremations, the sex life of Adam West, and the feasibility of leprechauns.

Commander Dale Brown, owner of a private security firm, joins Heaton to talk about the history of racial theory and how ethnicity is a social construct.

The Pentagon is ramping up efforts to develop sophisticated AI before China does. What happens if China beats us? Either way, is AI going to murder us in our sleep, like Elon Musk says? Joe Leonardo and David Ryan Polgar, hosts of the "Funny As Tech" podcast join Heaton to allay and stoke his fears.

Much like a horrible "Scooby Doo" episode, actor Jussie Smollett's initial hate crime story has fallen apart. The Chicago PD now thinks it was an elaborate staging, designed to garner sympathy and a higher salary. Comedian Turner Sparks joins Heaton to discuss the funnier inconsistencies in the story, and the future of Wokeness.

President Trump is pulling out of the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty. Does this mean the Ruskies will start cranking out nukes? What about us? Or the Chinese? Jason Buttrill, Chief Researcher at The Blaze, joins Heaton to explain what we should and should not be worried about.

Standup comedian Jaron Myers joins Heaton for Friday Release Valve, covering absurd headlines throughout the week, including a petition to sell Montana to Canada, and France's newest official sport.

The biggest problem with the Academy Awards is: not enough trophies. Comedian and Hollywood insider Andrew Young joins Heaton to suggest new category awards, like "Best Fake Accent" or "Most Tasteful Sex Scene." Plus, a new "How to with Heaton: Balancing a Checkbook."

"The Twilight Zone" has it all: Cold War hysteria, gremlins, conformity and individualism, robots, totalitarianism, witches—the list goes on. Heaton brings on comedian James III to discuss one of the greatest programs to ever grace television.

Standup and transgender comedian Carina Magyar joins Heaton to discuss the military ban, the difference between the "yuck" and "kill" factors, and the interplay between biology and psychology in gender dysphoria.

Lauren Chen, host of "Roaming Millennial Uncensored," joins Heaton to map out how conservatives in their twenties think, and how the political landscape will change as they come into their own. Plus, Heaton's producer Jennings contacts several of Heaton's ex-girlfriends to solicit listener feedback about the show.

Heaton's personal hero, Prince Leonard, passed away this week, after a storied history of fighting in World War II, declaring independence from Australia, and thwarting an onerous wheat quota. In a special tribute episode, Heaton goes over the life of Australia's homegrown monarch.

Bridget Phetasy is a former Playboy Advisor, and presently a writer and standup comedian. Also, she was in a sex cult. Heaton talks to her about dating advice, but mostly, about what it's like to be in a sex cult, and if he should visit one on his next vacation.

Is the patriarchy the Illuminati with gonads? Where is all the anti-maleness and anti-feminism originating? How do we position ourselves in yon slap fight? Cathy Reisenwitz writes at "Sex and the State" and is a columnist at the Bay City Beacon. She joins Heaton to jump into the issue of feminism, sex positivity, and when claiming injustice becomes a competition.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez revealed the New Green Deal to Congress last week, designed to radically overhaul and control the US economy, fight climate change, and raise Heaton's blood pressure to staggering heights. Brian Brushwood joins the program to calm Heaton down and explain how AOC is actually progressivism's response to Donald Trump. Later, Heaton reveals a new cooking segment with a special recipe.

Despite what you may think, Americans are having less sex today than in previous eras. Billy Binion of Reason comes on to make sense of America's laggardly sex life. (Then afterwards, Heaton adds to the growing chorus of Virginia politicians scandals, and begs forgiveness from his audience for a horrible faux pas.)

In a Friday grab bag episode, comedian Jimmy Failla comes on to suss out headlines with Heaton. Including: why Thai parliament candidates are changing their names; the world's most conscientious burglar, the latest Burger King lawsuit; and why you can legally watch erotic films on library computers in Chicago.

What is Postmodernism and why do so many people loathe it? Reason's Nick Gillespie joins Heaton to explain what postmodernism is, where it's useful and when it's asinine, and the many instances where postmodernism has spread through American culture.

Heaton comes up with ways to improve the State of the Union Address, including a mandated congressional conga line, and presidential crowd surfing. But before that, Justin Robert Young of the "Politics Politics Politics" podcast joins Heaton for a breakdown of the speech, what all the guests signified, and how heckling the Hall of Presidents can improve any trip to Disney World.

Several states are eyeballing "Bible literacy" classes as part of public school curriculum. Jonathan Braylock, a comedian and a practicing Christian, joins Heaton to discuss how blurring the separation of church and state is apt to backfire on both.

Heaton unleashes a tirade about football, and what he'd do to improve it. (Hint: it involves horses.) Then he invites on Reason's Eric Boehm to discuss stadium subsidies, and the graft and incompetency which keeps taxpayers on the hook for millions. Heaton also determines which NFL team to endorse based entirely on the one not taking handouts.

Sebastian Junger is the author of "Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging." He joins Heaton to talk about how the world we've made is ill-fitting and alienating to the hunter-gatherer genes we've inherited, and what you can do to feel less lonely in the twenty-first century.

Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is thinking about running for president, which has enraged the Democratic party. Comedian Turner Sparks joins to explain why, and Heaton details the single issue Schultz can push to make him relevant as an outsider. Plus, Heaton makes an impassioned speech about why he would make a fantastic ambassador.

Reason's Elizabeth Nolan Brown joins Heaton to explain why porn is legal but prostitution is not, how the Internet can replace pimps, and the general benefits of decriminalizing sex work.

Venezuela's economy hit rock bottom, then just kept digging straight to the septic tank. Now there are rival presidents vying for power over a starving populace. Magician and deputized foreign policy expert Brian Brushwood joins Heaton to assess the once-wealthy nation's plunge into full-blown socialism and economic collapse.

Comedy writer J. W. Crump joins Heaton to discuss irritating things the media does, the difference between diversity and tokenism in reporting, and what to do about all that bias lurking beneath the surface.

Tom Woods, historian and podcaster extraordinaire, joins Heaton for a philosophical romp through the Enlightenment. By focusing on "spontaneous order" and how the concept has redefined power and civilization, you'll get ample evidence for why we'll never need a Federal Department of Shoes, a President of Physics, or a National Podcasting Commissar.

Prince Philip is the husband of Queen Elizabeth II and is also worshiped as a volcano god by a small island in the Pacific. Comedian Chad Prather joins Heaton to go over his biography, and get to know everyone's favorite 97-year-old royal.

Self-described "flaming liberal writer" John DeVore joins Heaton to describe the internal makeup of the Democratic Party, and the factions within vying for power. They also get into tribalism, why markets are awesome, and why Heaton thinks socialism prolonged the Great Depression.

Socialism has returned to America in the form of a crotchety senator from Vermont and a vivacious young lady from the Bronx. Liz Wolfe, managing editor at The Federalist and Playboy contributor, joins Heaton to discuss the more egregious aspects of AOC's policy proposals, and the irritating potshots her detractors make instead of solid arguments.

America briefly considered firebombing Kentucky this weekend after video of a sixteen-year-old smirking at a Native American elder showed a hateful display of racism and bullying. However it turns out that the three minute video is selectively taken from two hours of additional footage, which tells a different story. Congressman Thomas Massie of Kentucky joins Heaton to correct the record.

Stephen Kent, host of the "Beltway Banthas" podcast, joins Heaton to discuss droid slavery, imperial apologists, and the galaxy's fascist dark age. Plus: how to expose children to the proper film sequence to avoid emotional trauma.

Comedian Michael Loftus has written for "Anger Management" with Charlie Sheen and "Kevin Can Wait" on CBS. He's also the former host of the conservative political satire show "The Flipside". He joins Heaton to talk about working in Hollywood as a conservative, and how he hopes the next few years will shake out culturally.

Gerrymandering is a time-honored and artistic craft wherein politicians get to pick their voters instead of having an actual competitive election. Reason's Eric Boehm joins Heaton to discuss ways to neuter the skullduggery. (Possibly involving robots.)

Heaton tries to convince comedian Chad Prather to run against Representative Steve King in Iowa. King has been removed from committee assignments (and presumably GOP happy hours) after his latest dip into white nationalism.

Deanna Easley, host of the "Black in the Day" podcast, returns to talk about microaggressions, and also to tell Heaton specific words and phrases he should quit using.

Jonathan Haidt is a social psychologist and the author of several books, including "The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion." He joins Heaton to talk about how progressives, conservatives, and libertarians have different "moral tastebuds," and about his concerns for the future of academia. Plus, Heaton takes a morality test and is revealed to be a deeply empathetic person who also has no gag reflex, tribal loyalty, or deference to authority.

Is congressional gridlock related to trench warfare? Apparently. Andrea Jones-Rooy returns to discuss. Plus, Heaton invents a new chamber of Congress

Commander Dale Brown is the founder and operations director of the Detroit Threat Management Center, a private security firm. He talks to Heaton about the difference between the police and private security, why he doesn't use guns at work, and common misperceptions about urban crime.

The first Movie Club episode! Brian Brushwood and Heaton review "Vice," the Dick Cheney biopic. Brian makes the case that it's a great film, if understood as a ghost story told inside of an echo chamber.

Justin Young of "Politics Politics Politics" joins to discuss the government shutdown, how alarmed and/or irritated citizens should be, and what can be done to fix it. Plus a brand new show sponsor!

The show's principle sponsor funds an entire holiday special, in exchange for allowing its waitstaff to write the entire script.

Comedian Chad Prather and Heaton try to stay on topic about Facebook and shenanigans involving privacy and Russia, but mostly meander into talking about accents and identity politics.

There's a standard narrative that America has become hyper-polarized, and people only consume media they agree with. Dr. Morris Fiorina joins Heaton to explain why both assumptions are incorrect--parties are getting more homogenous, but voters themselves haven't significantly changed.