The Nick Abbot Habit

This week is a hoot-and-a-half. There's tales of misdemeanours at the highest level, an offensive but cute cat story, what it means to be British and I get shouted at a LOT!

This week, a caller has a go at all of my other callers, a man doesn't like my atitude, a woman talks about her knees and I sign up for Mad Max Fury Road 2.

This week, we finger a guilty party, a woman has a bin rant, the problem with the England football manager and fashion.

This week, there's some controversial things said about political opponents, a classic call about cheese and a lot of rock and roll.

This week, we go back..way back...back into time, a great double act call in, I try to get a GP appointment and saving the planet with Prince Harry.

This week there's a message from a small green Muppet, we relive a famous domestic incident, a foreigner commiserates us for our choice of leader, the most miserable countries are ranked and I miss something that I always said I didn't want.

This week, we learn of a terrible use for hairspray (nothing to do with Donald Trump), a man complains about his job, how not to watch Pulp Fiction and what Boris Johnson's name says about him.

This week there's a lot of people calling me on the phone with terrible tales about using their phone and losing their phone. There's stories about flying phones, emergency dialing, a missing sixpence, getting lost in the Fens, extra chillies and keeping things for best.

This week, we stick our fingers in the socket to stop the electricity leaking out, I am left bewildered by a caller that I can't quite follow and we find the source of Boris Johnson's popularity.

In this week's riotous podcast, we hear there's (no) evidence of God, I hatch a shocking plan to deal with our most disappointing politicians, a man tries to come up with one good reason to leave something that doesn't exist and I try to make sense of what the hell is going on.

This week, we strike a trade deal with a very unlikely place, eliminate poverty, fit Jacob Rees-Mogg with a Home Guard uniform and broom handle, root around Steve Allen's sock drawer and I get schooled by a Jamaican man on ganja (he schooled me on ganja, not was ON ganja...although come to think of it...)

This week I play Simon Cowell and discover a star, there's lights in the sky and they aren't stars and I get a lesson in politeness.

This week we get skooled in writing proper by Jacob Rees-Mogg, we try to play Fortnite but we aren't dressed right, a man tries and fails to explain the weather and there's an alarming suggestion about how to stop global warming.

This week my glamorous assistant shares too much, I get a lesson in moaning from a man in the theatre, the moon people come out at night and a shocking revelation about what actually goes on in the loo.

In this episode we hear of an alarming way to combat crime, we discuss this nation's sporting excellence, a man calls in with his head in his hands and a woman clears up after herself because it is the right thing to do.

This week, I get a history lesson from Austria, the mystery of why people fall for the Tangerine Scream, a solution to your stress, and a man has a problem with his tool.

This week: a caller starts a massive fight about Europe, we learn the truth about democracy, I am taken to task about something I didn't say and Boris Johnson is challenged to go naked mud wrestling.

This time, we learn just how boring French TV is, there's a lot of talk about kebabs, a woman calls in with a question but doesn't like the answer and I have a special moment that I couldn't help but share.

In this episode: I am corrected by a furious cab driver; a lady complains about James Bond; a man asks many questions about Trump, Boris and God; we fly the flag for Britain and someone calls in with an answer to crime - all of it.

This week, I get told off for getting something right, a bewildering call comes from someone with qualifications, we get sniffy about phone boxes and the tale of the Sunday Laundry Criminals.

Glasto is not the only show in town but it is certainly the biggest and that's where we go this week, with a detour to Farageland, advice on tents and a little light arguing about the "B" word.

In the age of the 24 hour-a-day multiple news-gasms, let The Nick Abbot Habit be your guide. It's fast and funny and sometimes furious. All opinions are correct, apart from those that aren't. Plus Nick's favourite calls from his cult weekend talk show. Guaranteed no baking or dancing.

This week, we take a peek at 1970's bathroom suites, find out a lot about islands, I have a fight with a man about cars, someone spots A John Cleese (not THE John Cleese) and we discover what a major industrialist thinks of his old boss Donald Trump.

This week, helpful callers have excellent advice for Theresa May, who may not like it; there's an unseemly way to serve strawberries; how to say 'scone' and a man in a bra fills a bath with potatoes.

In this episode, I receive a very brief call from God's representative on Earth, we go yodeling in Holland and there is a minor altercation about Brexit and Trump.

This week, we learn how to save water by brushing your teeth funny, how to waste water by keeping your fake grass moist, how to lose money by letting politicians mark their own homework and I have a stand-up fight with a man who doesn't think I'm taking Brexit seriously.

This week: some people spoiled their ballot papers and one man was very proud about it; a perfectly believable theory on why that might not be a good idea and a pretty good joke about it; saving money without really trying and a woman has a beef with Scotland.

This week, the shortest call to my LBC show, a man gets a surge, a young woman deliberately shuts out the on-line world and the US Navy says aliens from space are here and a professor says they are breeding with us.

This week, we talk cars and pink boats, weird science, a man from the bank protests his innocence and we go fondling tubers.

This week: which pet makes you happiest, swinging with Nigel Farage, pronouncing Anunzianzioozit and a shouty woman bangs on about the war.

This week, the effect that Brexit is having on your personal facial area, the competing stories on the origins of Easter eggs, how we are paying for the private jets of the super-rich, the spy in your car, Game of Thrones returns and a very energetic senior citizen sets us straight.

This week, we terminate some superspy candidates, over-eat chocolate treats, there's a lot of marching going on and a confused man sets me homework.

In this episode, the inside scoop on Nigel Farage's Stroll to Nirvana, the army is on standby to keep a lid on things if our exit celebrations get out of hand and an American explains what's happening 6000 miles away in Britain.

This week, the perils of a day trip to the south coast, the worst drivers on the road, a little light heavy music and I get told I'm not doing my job correctly.

Some of my favourite calls from the past few months, which I think are properly hilarious. There's the man who got locked in the toilet, the lady with the sparrows in her garden, the shortest call about Brexit ever and the nice Liverpudlian who got a big surprise from Amazon she didn't really want.

A man goes mad about fish, two people fight over Theresa May and the secrets of the gorgeous pictures on the front of our food packets.

This week, we fail at walking the dog, we pay for the rich to go skiing, there's a new party in town and tips on where not to live by the people that live there.

In this episode: Career choices for teens; Donald Trump's physical shows he is part human; an arthritic slow moving political coup; France plays nice and two people shout at me about a member of the royal family.

In this episode: you are invited to a party but you might not want to go, the alarming dangers that come with our pets, the unfit-for-fighting army and the man who fell asleep while on-hold for my show.

We find out why Donald Trump is that colour, a menu leaves a bad taste in the mouth, the attack of the killer octopus, a man sues his parents for being his parents and two callers school me on Brexit.

Norman pushes drugs, Roger talks like a Mafia Don and global warming is a hoax because it is cold outside.

This week: Boris Johnson channels Churchill (again); relying on the Chinese to save us from the dark; the soothing properties of furniture packaging; who should not be the next James Bond and two absolutely furious callers to my LBC show.

Prince Harry's new boiler, the RAF's new toys and a VERY ANGRY VEGAN.

In this episode: Donald Trump saves his energy, zombies are alive (ALIVE!) beneath your feet, bore holes, Blackpool and babies.

In this Christmas-free episode: Chips, glorious chips, the gaming industry takes on the fishing industry and the gaming industry wins, Harry and Meghan play fixer-uppers, an insight into what motivates men to love Trump and in this week's favourite call from my LBC show, a very nice lady is not satisfied with her shopping exerience.

This week: Santa cracks the whip, Donald Trump has been a naughty President, Theresa May is popular (oh yes she is!) and the most rock 'n' roll story ever. Plus, two nice oldish ladies get confused by technology in the series of best-of calls to my Friday and Saturday night show on LBC.

Your next doctor will be a robot. The thing you ordered online will be delivered by an automaton using magnets. We are all about to have our jobs terminated by The Terminator. But don't fret - there's good news too. Full details inside.

In this episode: the destruction of everything we hold dear, a giant statue made of your money, why we work too hard for our own good, a very angry caller and a very famous actor sticks his oar in.

In the first of this series of brand new Nick Abbot podcasts: Donald Trump rates his sexual performance, Theresa May gets a lecture on the mating rituals of hedgehogs, Nick tells some jokes that made the actual news and a favourite call about the birds and the buffaloes to Nick's weekend shows on LBC