The Horny Housewife

Im back and with the man of the hour, Daddy Derrik, his first and last appearance coming in hott to tell you the fucking truth! He's an Aquarius so I promise he has no issue telling you like he sees it. Tune in hear to my naughty answers, and then daddy's as he gives us some insight into what men really think about queef-ing, and if all men are 'dogs'. Happy Monday Horny Fam!

Hi horny family, for all the men with dating profiles I have an awesome sauce tip for you to really AMP up the amount of right swipes; if you have the criteria that is. Also women, single, divorced, what the fuck ever I have some mens music taste decoding to enlighten you on. From country to emo screamo I got you. I decide to be bitter and do a ballad to my ex's briefly stating my thoughts on that time period; and then I answer a listener question on squirting and we talk ALL THE THINGZ. xoxo THH

Im here and this one is a fucking RIDE...first its a story time of a CRAZY ass man who physically attacked me in the Houston IAH airport, its weird, its horrifying, and it happened to lucky ol me lol. I super unfortunately blackout and get on the topic of hemmoroids and I just go for it , Im MENTION-ing IT ALL, what to do if the men have one, or what to do if we ever do (we never do men we never do, forgive us we have sinned) can we have anal ever again?!?! no worries sluts, and constipated people I have solutions!!! Last but not fucking least, the perfect hang over cure; being eaten out. TUNE IN

Lets talk about how much were getting it in.. How much sex are married people REALLY having? Im back horny fam, First things first I had to vent about some recent pop culture; why is Oliva Rodrigo is so much hotter than Tswift, why "Bennifer" doesn't sit well with me and why the Patreon got the 86. Then we go deeper, Im asking questions and peeling back the layers that is "a married persons sex life" I'm telling you the reality about my own sex life, and how I think we need to realize there is no such thing as normal; I want call out the people who lie about how much sex their having ,because lets face it, we have enough bullshit all over the internet lets not add to the BS list.. There is a difference between your desires and what is actually going on. We all differ, we all have our truths, and today we are giving ourselves grace and inspiring you on how to do more to get more!

Im back this week with a recap of what the fuck is up, my thirst omegle self, and have a bunch of feedback from YOU ALL about what "wife material" looks like!! I asked men and women what their POV on the topic was, and of course I let you know my opinion on how to be "your best wife version", so he takes you seriously, and not like a one night stand.

Drake said it first; and we didn't know how we felt, thought maybe a little snotty..but NOPE hell naw, he is was right NO NEW FRIENDS. Jordyn is here to tell you the storytime of a lifetime. Twilight zone meets Bad girls club, Jordyn experienced a "Class A Looney Bitch" and wants to tell you all the things including a universal lesson in perspective; stop comparing yourself to other women on the internet! This housewife is not holding back her side of the story, nor her feelings and anger towards Chloe who taught her a couple of things, new money sometimes = tacky bitches, too much new money = god complex, if she has no friends chances are you aren't going to be her first one. lets talk shit, its def a MOODY MONDAY. lets go.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

Im sure Im not the only one who has scrolled their nudes next to a person on the plane, or am I? Speaking of nudes, we have a mini trauma story of the time my nudes were leaked....at my place of work; a story that organically presented itself this episode and come on 'editing it out 'is for the weak. This episode I am catching you up not only with my new found love of anal orgasms, but with some self realizations I have had with some time spent alone in the heat (spoiler alert, the grass aint greener on the other side people).....Its not a story time (coming SO soon), but a peek at some life lessons that shook me to the core. Hope you enjoy you this better-late-than-never EP! Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

Hey Horny Fam, this week its all things double standards. What exactly constitutes being hypocritical in the relationship/marriage? Do you trip out when your man says its boys night, is he giving you a hard time when you say your going out with ur gal pal slutty-suzy ? Does that make one of you feel insecure and is it justified? What if your person has cheated on you before, does that excuse being a little nutty, or is it time to move forward and quit keeping score. I am being brutally honest in this weeks episode on my thoughts regarding expectations that are fair to have, and spoiler alert it frankly isn't anyone else's business on what standards you have in your own relationship. Don't fret it isn't holding me back from calling it like it is, all in hopes to enlighten men and women on SEVERAL standards we harshly critique the other for, and that maybe with a little perspective we can see it another way. Also letting you know my plans for the week, my recent Tik Tok diagnosis', and whats coming soon. =P

Taste the rainbow. Literally try them all. Jordyn here this week going over where she's at mentally whilst her husband is away on a fishing trip. The main focus of this episode is to shallow-ly and intentionally go over all the aesthetics of the male member. Long dicks, small dicks, curved dicks, hairy dicks. Pick a flavor any flavor. Im here giving you the real scoop, and of course my honest to god opinion on what the hell is going on below the belt, and why I feel justified in talking about it freely as I please. Metrosexuals, manscaping, and Arabian sand goggles lets talk about some shit. Am I thriving or am I crying myself to sleep every night, you'll have to tune in and find out.

Female Friendships, Women Empowerment, Your friendly fake as f*ck neighborhood b*tches. Lets mention it allllllllll. Im back this week, just me the devil on my shoulder, and the positive little heart felt angel b*tch on the other side, covering what it means to be a woman in society today trying to find some mother freaking friends. I wont lie, I was a little shit talking beezy in this MOODY MONDAY episode, but we are here for it. Let her live. Diving deep this week on the difference on why we view women as threats or not. Why and how do we click? How has society impacted how we view one another? Why is my neighbor such a bitch to me? hehe, Im really letting myself air it out this week, and tie it all together with a little koom-ba-yaaa at the end. love you xoxoSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

LETS TALK ABOUT SEX. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and Premature Ejaculation (PE) are SO common in men, and we need to talk about it! Jordyn is back at it solo-episoding diving into the uncomfy topic of how we (men and women) feel about it and what it does to our egos/self-esteem. What really goes through a woman head when he can't perform, even if its health related, post surgery, or high stress from your career, Jordyn is covering ground on what the hell you should do to start getting laid again! Its not a one-solution fits all, and today we are talking about all the possible situations you could be in, and the best way out...if there is one. Spoiler alert; you can have what you desire=) Jordyn is answering two listener questions this episode about her fav/and least fav sexual positions, and another from a wife dealing with PE in her marriage. Listen now to hear what she has to say!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

A love story. Jordyn is here with a special guest and friend Lauren; who is DEEP DIVING into her own personal story of a love affair gone good. Not right away of course hehe. We are peeling back the layers (ahem there is a lot) and leaving judgment at the door. (or go ahead judge away =p I know I did) Lauren gets vulnerable and shares her trials of marriage & infidelity (from both sides) which lets be honesty...is a pretty common (And unfortunate) thing in todays society. We all know the term "broken family" and the pressure to keep it "unbroken.=;" But is "unbroken" really best, or is it broken and all the pieces are under one roof? We go over the marriage , cheating, the divorce and remarrying (yes.....) , an affair, a trip to Egypt, and coming to terms with THE HEART WANT WHAT IT WANTS. Does she have any regrets? Jordyn is sure to ask. Tune in!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

This week Jordyn is going through some Do's and Do-f#cking-nots in marriage according to....her. From stroking an ego, farting in front of your spouse ( WE ADDRESS A PASS GAS LIE BEING SPREAD ) anal tradegies, to being bipolar with intention, we cover it all; bottom line you get what you give! Giving insight in to her own marriage currently being trapped in the same home 247 Jordyn is here to be real and honest about what she thinks keeps the mystery in a marriage. We also hear from the listeners about what they say keeps the sexy going....at the end Jordyn answers a question from a listener about what to do in a sexless/loveless marriage.

Jordyn is back and sharing her thirsty attempt to shamelessly self promo on the next door app (actually tried craigslist too but that failed as well, damn moderators). She suspects a Karen neighbor which sounds probable, and a little shit talking down goes down in regards to "neighbor Karen", who needs to get laid clearly. Jordy is sharing her first failed attempt at a threesome (there were no fails after that lolz) and its worth a giggle or too, or at the very least judgment. She goes on to tease her more explicit stories only to ask you to pay for them, because if she is going to expose herself at least let her get her bag. Ending the episode with fantasy talk and what gets Jordyn off that slightly embarrasses her. Hope you enjoy the episode xoxo horny people!

Jordyn is in session with the first (of many) MOODY MONDAYZ. Taking a mini dive into pop culture, the Khloe Kardashian photo scandal (we think she's gorgeous in them all) FILTER LYFEEEE, and most importantly talking shit about the girls who #nofilter and are lying little beezys; segway our way into the era of facetune and calling out the girls that claim its "rEalLy ThEm". Jordyn isn't holding back about what grinds her gears when it comes to blogger shilling in 2021, "Jesus Saved" bios with tata pics for days. Sipping the haterade without being a troll, I promise I love every horny man and woman, but I am calling you out if you don't own it. Ps. I do go in on capitalizing on tears, dog moms who think they pushed a yorkie out of their puss, and any b*tch that says they can have my man.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

Hi all Im back solo-episoding bringing you the latest views on toxic dating red flags. A mini follow up of "roasting a fuck boy" was in order due to the reach out of a "mini John Tucker must die club." I felt for these women, I had felt the pain these women had of being sucked in over and over only to be crushed..over and over. If its all rainbows and orgasms with him when you are with him, only to find heartbreak and DM's of him sexting another b{*tch when yalll aren't chillin, its bad news bears girlfran. Men, in your defense, if you are transparent about what you want from the get go, its on us if we become 5 stage clingy...just don't be a shady f*ck. Two lessons to be learned in this episode, maybe even more. I end the episode exposing my own toxic game playing traits. Thanks for listening! Please sub=)--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

Hi y'all, Im here this time with a GUEST, the Virgin Mary, not THE, but def a previous virgin who chose one dick 19 years ago and we are SHOOKETH. I made her come tell her shit bc she isn't the norm, she's doing SOMETHING right bc the vibe check is a PASS for this couple. We are talking what a 19 year marriage consists of, tips on communication, the evolution of a long term relationship sex wise, and how many factors contribute to a long lasting relationship and maintaining getting laid. Mary, the ex virgin chose her forever cock and she's here to tell us how she keeps it!--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

Hi yall! Im back and this time were talking about the difference (from a woman/wifes perspective) of only fans vs porn. Is there a definite line or is it too grey? Is only fans the virtual reality of porn where its too close to home (maybe literally)? Engaging with who you are beating off too (and paying $$), vs the novelty of watching (Free) porn. What's too much, is it really harmful? What is considered cheating? Should it be or not? Im talking about what being a "cool wife" thats trying to be something she's not, vs being realistic and not being insecure about it. Although this may be controversial it's my own opinion and experience I am sharing and I appreciate and respect everyone who listens! VEGAS PIC (intro story of this episode) WILL BE ON MY IG STORIES @thehornyhousewifepodcast--

Hey horny b's. Were going over the triple A's this week and they are guarantee to get you laid. I start the episode briefly answering a listener question on what to do while riding your partner, and then go straight into real talk of what is killing the vibe in your relationship. The four horsemen of cockblocking (projecting, kids, resentment, and stress) are REALLLLL and we all know getting laid is better than not, so what we are gunna do about it??!! I got your back; the triple A's come to resolve these un avoidable cockblocks of life and with a little intention you'll have their pants off in no time. Listen up ladies and gents; if your craving it GO GET IT!--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

I asked the men indeed did answer!! From your keyboard out my mouth I tell the ladies what you men said was the HOTTEST to do in the sac, and then what was....on the contrary. Ball grabbing was the most controversial one listed that we didn't deep dive into, but Ill let you just ask your man yourself how he likes his balls treated. Maybe we will actually have a whole balls episode. (we will)......Until then enjoy the guys letting us know what sexy and whats making their dick limp.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

HIIIIIIIII this horny housewife missed y'all!!!! I have tea to spill, bridges to burn and bitches to stand up for!!! This week, she (me) is savage mode ripping a fuck boy a new one? Okay honestly I went light on the guy, I just had to tell you why my episodes late, why its not what you expected and I HAVE GOOD REASON! JUSTICE FOR MONICA!--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

OH BOY! Please be kind in your judgments, because this week I have TWO story times for you where I gotta get RAW AND REAL. One is about an man who wants a toolbox up his ass, and another is me being a cringe gotta go girlfriend. Im talking all things emasculating. Society says be a baddie, but where is the line? Why do we need to stroke guys egos..and how? I got you girl. If you are thinking why the hell would I need to do that..I may or may not have a convincing enough answer. Ladies respect him as the HEAD of the household and be the neck bitch. Being respectful is going to get you wayyyy further in the wife life if you feel me; plus do you really want him to secretly hate your guts?--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

This week I'm talking about invading your man, (or womans) privacy. Its 2020 and we can't deny what the times have brought to the table, and behind the scenes. What should the terms be when married; whats going too far? Whats "crazy". How to decipher between realistic reasons to pry, or to shut the hell up and have sex with him instead. (thats more fun most of the time). For those who are IN NEED of some tips to expose a p-i-g-g-y in their life I got ur back too;)

Your men are asking questions that they are too scared to ask you gf, and I'm hear to tell them the truth. From rim jobs, to your PH balance, and the ever common story of a horny husband wanting his uninterested wife. These men truly want to know. Im here to give an answer! THANKS to all the guys that sent DM's asking questions!

A little update from me about my v-day EPIC FAIL. This episode I reminisce on my ex's and one in particular who made me the Jordy I am today. Thank you Shmevin. Okay well they all led me here, but this one really taught me the tricks of the trade & how to embrace MY INNER FUCK GIRL. Also I FORGOT to mention in this episode; I totes caught him spanking the monkey with gradual self tanner lotion and it was hilarious. Orange palms and all. xoxo--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/supportSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

It's almost Valentines Day horn dogs, and Im bringing you an EXTRA episode this week letting you know what the hell to DO, men I'm telling you what to get your b*tch and how to not f*ck it up. Ladies I'm telling you how to not being a boring ass beezy. Lets zest this holiday up, and if you are running out of time I have a back up plan. (march 14th is steak and BJ day we have redemption) --

O is for Orgasm duh. Briefly talking about why we need to get off, and heavily talking about how we get off. From solo action, to anal orgasms; I cover the spectrum. Going over "ten facts about orgasms", breaking stigmas of who has the higher sex drive, and acknowledging that we DEF do not get off everytime (to the gentlemen its not your fault; I promise we still love it.)---

not one embarrassing prom story but TWO. ones is much more worse than the other, and no one got laid. So all in all V SAD. ---

Todays episode is for the ladies; we talk about the sexual cycle of avoidance, and the ways to change perspective. At the 14:40 a sexy rampage begins reminding you of the bitch you ARE, and/or ARE GOING TO BE! I promise you, you feel like the goddess you are after this one=)

Tap into your nasty self, and lets talk BJ tips tricks positions. Oh and theres a variety "finish" him off methods I share. Drain the toxic juice from your man and be a good girl=). XOXO--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

oh to be young and dumb. One girls(me)journey to learning girl code; A little privileged baby (me) finds her way into some trouble bc she hasn't learned how to save her lust for the single boys. The musicians really got to her.(me) I might of forgot to say the ending, he ended a looo-sirrrrrr so I guess I won? --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

HEY YALL I'm covering the basics of sexting 101 (examples are provided at the end ;) )We talk "Talking dirty" statistics, some self pleasure for your man to eye & last but not least, how to talk like a nasty badass bitch, aka a very good wife indeed. SPICE IT UP BABY.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

For the first time in the history of ever my therapist is ghosting me vs me ghosting them?! What is this sorcery?! This episode is a Story time about how my current therapist is now my ex therapist. A look into my new journey microdosing mushrooms; why covid sex is snooze and why you should mix it up! Also you'll find out the longest Iv ever gone without sex EVER. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

I start with losing my V-Card that one just hurt my feel feels, then we get to me not wiping good enough/properly, then we cover bodily fluids, annoying clingy mother f*ckers, and lastly a couple situations of being really REALLY inconsiderate of others. DON'T JUDGE ME bc I'm basically a saint now.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

From perspective of the cheat-ER, the cheat-ED, and the cheat-EE. Why do men and women do it? The serial cheater vs. non -cheater (or mistake maker) this isn't about what you do after this is about avoiding it all together. Drain his main vain ladies.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

Jordy got a little emo this episode; forgive her for shell be back to her vibrant horn dog self next time. This episode we cover how we are viewing men, is it fair? How did it shape us? Are we carrying into every relationship, I don't have the answers but here to ask the questions;) Time to let go of any misunderstandings and know your a baddie regardless if (biological, not sugar) daddy told you that or not! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/supportSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/thehornyhousewife)

From Anal Sex to IBS. Im here giving you the "deep dive", ew, (briefly) into all things booty play. Get ready to blush.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

Has the pandemic got you in your granny panties 247?, get that thong out and be a slut! Intro to The Horny Housewife podcast! Tips and tricks to get in the right headspace to get your ass laid, We gotta do what we gotta do ladies!--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-horny-housewife/support

What is The Horny Housewife podcast?