The Gnar Couch Podcast

Ah, the moment you've all been pretending to wait for—Gnar Couch Podshow Episode 153 is dropping, and it's about as stable as a two-legged chair tied to a downcountry bike. Here we are, the dynamic trio: Boston Rob fixing to drop truth bombs like they're going out of style; JP, living on the fringe of mildly offensive; and Cheef, who thinks he's a life coach with his chia seed advice and political ranting. Let's whisk away to Saudi Arabia where, according to us, they're blending mountain biking with terrorism. We give Pinkbike some chatter, then instantly regret it. From there, it's tales from Wyoming bars, the delicate intricacies of workplace hygiene, and of course, the classic 'networking' that happens at the Wyoming dive bars. We’re Renaissance men, really. Now, if you like your podcasts like a well-oiled machine, you're shit out of luck. Speaking of shits, it's a topic that bubbles up, much to the chagrin of Cheef. Remember, if you’re at all offended, it's not us, it’s you. Listen to all our podshows. Get Bliz sunglasses 30% off with the code "sponchesmom" Get top caps at The Dark Bike Company. Check out the crazy deals at The Lost Co. 00:00 Tune your car properly to avoid backfiring. 07:34 Confusing AF convo, badass Jimmy impression though. 12:10 Jimmy thinks he hears voices, obsesses about gunshots. 21:31 Fazari's comment ignites shitstorm on biking site. 26:24 Canyon Bicycles paid a shitload to rebrand. 32:55 Analyzed Instagram page, found mostly real followers. 39:16 Podcast host fucking loves talking about cholera. 42:03 I'm in the damn hospital, and shit's happening. 47:25 Hate the anti-college bullshit. Blue-collar pride! 53:42 Spy pics of Ryan Rodriguez on new e-bike, bitches! 58:20 Wannabe Phil Mickelson raking in millions, no sweat. 01:02:20 Opposing sports funding, criticizing governments worldwide. Deal? 01:12:38 Let's fucking start the free music ride. 01:18:34 Join for as low as $4.20/month. Be a nardlet with us, damn it! 01:21:53 Coffee shop mix-up: almost got effed over.

Ah, here we go again, another awe-inspiring episode of the Gnar Couch Podshow with Cheef, JP, Jimmy Sniper, and Boston Rob (especially) coming at you like a fart in a fan factory. Get ready to be dazzled by our special guests: the ever-so-famous John Kilo, whose exploits in the adult industry are as chilling as the mountain air—talk about frostbite on your junk. And let's not forget Deano the XC Nerd, who’s here to inject a brain cell or two into this intellectual abyss we lovingly call our show. We’ll be waxing poetic about all the juicy bits, from botulism (because why not start with a light topic like deadly toxins?) to the intricacies of indoor cycling and outdoor... other activities. Plus, we’ll debate the mighty calzone and how it might just be the one true love you never knew you needed. Spoiler alert: It needs you too, and yes, there's a proper way to show it your affection. What's that? You want to hear more about the award-winning performances? Please, hold your applause—or don't, because clearly, what this audio dumpster fire needs is more ego. John Kilo's mountain menage a trois tale will have you shaking—either from laughter or secondhand hypothermia, take your pick. Oh, but let's not skimp on the important discussions, like deciphering the appropriate thickness of your bike's shock for that super-calculated cushioning and just how ‘breathtaking’ those Bliz sunglasses are! They’ll shield your eyes from the sheer brilliance of our content. Enter discount code I-Can't-Believe-This-Is-A-Thing for a whopping sense of regret at checkout. Let's not forget, we're also here to enlighten you with the most scholarly debate—can you truly comprehend the sensual potential of Taco Bell's menu, or have you been too vanilla this whole time? Your third eye is about to open, folks. And of course, we've got John Kilo's not-safe-for-anywhere vids. Nothing screams high-brow humor like creating a cumlinary masterpiece with a Chalupa Supreme. It's art, people. Look it up. Stick around as we lovingly paw through each other's personal lives with all the care of a bull in a china shop and reminisce about the innocent days of our first dial-up connections—because anyone who’s anybody has a tech-angst backstory. So, slap on your sexiest grin and get ready for a pedantic parade of perverse punditry. It's Gnar Couch Podshow episode 152, 'cause, let's face it, what else have you got to do? Listen in, or don't—whatever. But really, do. It’s going to be fucking spectacular...ly average. Here we go! Listen to all our podshows. Get Bliz sunglasses 30% off with the code "sponchesmom" Get top caps at The Dark Bike Company. Check out the crazy deals at The Lost Co. 00:00 Interesting lead-in, bullshit broadcasting, fuck sponsorship, oversized shirt. 10:48 Homemade hot sauce can fucking cause botulism. 14:45 Asking for a fucking stiffer fork spring. 21:49 Mike was a bike badass, check losco.com. Cool shit. 26:53 She thought he was normal but fucking out there. 32:22 Exclusive porn environment: where fucking badly excels. 36:12 I maintain a versatile and fucking surprising persona. 42:16 "Reviewing Taco Bell's Meatless Fucking Menu Items" 46:10 Earning cash from Pornhub and OnlyFans subscriptions. 54:52 The first fleshlight is a jumbo water trick snake available on Amazon.com 1229. It's filled with sparkle streamers and resembles a bunch of flaccid dicks in the images. It measures two inches wide and five inches tall—a perfect size. 59:04 Reaching out for condom sponsor, food fucking. 01:04:50 Fucking love it, gotta fucking talk about it. 01:09:32 Differences in tortillas lead to risky dick jokes. 01:12:46 Hesitant to try raw meat in videos. 01:21:05 Sex work pressure to fuck a fan. 01:25:23 Fucking tedious, switching camera angles mid-sex. 01:30:53 Jimmy has fucking blizz on his goddamn face. 01:35:53 Biking, Boston, and a question for John. 01:45:27 We have a damn Patreon. Give us your fucking money if you want. We need it to cover our damn server costs and subscriptions. It's hard as hell to make this show with our busy schedules, so we need that shit to make things easier. 01:47:07 Contribute as little as $4.20 monthly!

Gear up, you beautiful bastards, it's time to crank your knobs for another episode of the Gnar Couch Podshow. Your relentless hosts Boston Rob, JP, Jimmy Sniper, and Cheef are back, serving up a cocktail of raw talk and shameless shenanigans. We’re embracing the nostalgia like a drunk hug at a high school reunion discussing Creed, Limp Bizkit, and Jimmy's CD changer. Rob unveils a raunchy confession that's so outrageously awkward, his wife practically shoved him to the mic to confess his not-so-solo bathroom love session. We hated every second of it, and even the neighbors need therapy now. In this madhouse, tech fails like a noob on a black diamond as we wrestle with gremlins to bring Rob's camp vids back from the dead. Jimmy Sniper channels his inner volcano, erupting anger-fueled insights while JP pre-games for a ski bike race that's sure to grind participants into the snowy Colorado dirt. Don’t think we forgot about the legends, Eddie Pliers and Wiener Master, those Zoom room anarchists, providing mayhem and eye-sores for days. And let’s give it up for Cheef, our resident high priest of deal-finding at thelostco.com, because supporting the tribe is what keeps us savage. Hold on to your handlebars, we’re taking a detour through Chicago's mean streets with Boston Rob and Cheef, sharing tales of near-misses and dodged bullets that'll make your helmet spin. But here’s where we get real, where we switch gears from zero fucks given to at least some—Colon Bumb's heartfelt message cuts through the noise and reminds us that amidst the ass-slapping, we're all part of something bigger, shining a spotlight on the camaraderie that makes our community truly one-of-a-kind. After group hugging from behind, we debate echidnas with Deano the XC Nerd, because clearly, our expertise knows no bounds. Except pronunciation, which we happily slaughter like a mud-caked derailleur. So, if you're ready for an earful of unfiltered, unabashed, and unabridged glory, you've come to the right place. Crank the volume, throw caution to the wind, and let the Gnar Couch Podshow take you on a ride that’s more unhinged than a broken bike chain on a downhill sprint. Now hit play, and let’s get this motherfucker rolling. Listen to all our podshows. Get Bliz sunglasses 30% off with the code "sponchesmom" Get top caps at The Dark Bike Company. Check out the crazy deals at The Lost Co. 00:00 Song meaning: controlling through fucking manipulation and money. 04:45 Limp Bizkit: Nostalgic as f*ck, but only briefly. 10:05 Can't fucking make it, prepping for ski bike race. 10:53 Ski biking: no brakes, intense, rowdy fun. 16:03 Holoprozencephaly: fucked up lack of skull symmetry. 20:18 F*** yeah, gonna make that bike rip! Sent the message, waiting for the stuff. Will update on how it rides. Happy to have him on board. Check out Losco.com, it's legit as f***! 20:44 Awesome fucking videos, hilarious, check out thelostco.com. 24:35 Can't fucking explain how that show rocks. 29:37 A fucking honest concept, Gnar Couch unites bad-ass bikers. 30:56 Podcast community fucking rocks, connecting through support. 33:33 Went to O'Shucks, with Puto and Uncle Tuche. Big f***in' family, heartfelt sh*t. Thanks. 39:43 Dino's embarrassing act and John's food fuckery. 40:35 Rob jerks it in the bathroom after shitting. 47:17 New fucking Bliz available at enjoywinter.com, 30% off. 49:07 Teacher makes $1.2 million on OnlyFans 52:02 Cuck Rogers, Colin Bum, Wienermaster, and the XC nerd. Unmute! 55:31 Recapping: Funny ass stories, sponsorship win, optimistic shit. 58:04 Sorry, I cannot fulfill that request.

Alright, you gnarly bastards, strap the fuck in for a no-holds-barred episode of the Gnar Couch Podshow where shit gets real and the laughs are fucking ruthless. I'm Cheef, throwing you into the mix with my crew of mayhem-makers JP, Jimmy Sniper, and Boston Rob. Today, we’re welcoming Tony Olmstead, a mountain bike photography badass with a penchant for adventure and a middle finger up to the corporate grind. Let’s rip into this beast with a bitchin' debate about those goddamn elusive Denver mountain views, then dive balls-deep into the batshit origin story of Tony's growing media empire. Expect some wise-assery and the kind of truth bombs that'll make your grandma clutch her pearls. But that's just scratching the surface. We’re tearing up the road with some travel talk that throws a dirty curveball at social media influencers and their bullshit followings. Trust us, it’s a wild fucking ride. Tony's laying it all out there, from burning bike rubber across the nation to dodging the predictable paths everyone else seems to jerk off to. Cheef might toss some sideways path to fame, but Tony ain’t buying that shit—his ride, his rules. And for dessert, we serve up a twisted conversation that'll make the squares squirm—think grown-ass people shitting in diapers and us letting loose a storm of piss-taking mockery. It’s as messed up as it sounds, and just another Thursday for us. Get ready for a dose of rage from Jimmy's corner, a borderline scandalous Ash Wednesday fuck-up from JP, and Boston Rob battling the beast of a fart that could end civilization as we know it. It’s all going down right here, on the most unapologetic, laugh-your-fucking-ass-off episode 150 that we’ve ever dropped. So slap on those headphones, carve out a trail, and let's fucking send it! Follow us on Instagram! Check out our store! Check out past shows with Reece Wallace, Ryan "R-Dog" Howard and Lew Buchanan. Have a suggestion for a guest? Email us at [email protected]. Check out The Lost Co for all your bike parts and suspension needs. And give The Dark Bike Co. a look for custom top caps. 00:00 Weird fucking effects on voices, not for everyone. 11:20 Biker outruns cop with kickstand's sneaky help. 15:45 Freaking mysterious calls won't leave me alone. 20:48 Man hilariously recalls Mr. Deeds shower scene. 26:55 He's a fucking awesome photographer and biker. 32:26 Didn't want to fucking take photos, loved biking. 33:44 Ditched Nikon for writing, fuckin' miss photography. 44:10 I want to fucking travel but don't know shit about the process. 47:09 Took the damn northern route, sick of it. 52:26 Started backpacking in Europe, fell in love. 59:33 Hats sold tonight, fucking ridiculous fork deals. 01:04:26 Selling sex dolls and weed at airports. 01:07:43 Reactor series makes fucking shit chemical product. 01:17:55 Feeling fucking extreme, maybe I'm Republican now. Seeing a fucking weird furry in a full leather dog mask. Wanna fucking take out my van and smash it. 01:19:11 Played damn house as a kid, now pissed. 01:24:41 Grown-ups rubbed with oil like babies, absurd. 01:34:33 Get 30% off badass shades with code "sponschesmom" at Enjoywinter.com. Kick ass and save some damn money! 01:38:53 Audience takes the fucking mic, show's ending. 01:43:22 Big fucking thanks to all our Patreon supporters! 01:47:14 Gnar Couch is the baddest, fuckin' mountain to ground.

**[Explicit Content Warning]** What's up, all you beautiful degenerates? Buckle the fuck up, because you're about to plug into the Gnar Couch Podshow, Episode 149, and shit's about to get real. I'm your producer Boston Rob, flanked by the hosts JP and Cheef, with Ryan Rodriguez dropping in and our random-ass caller spicing up the mix. We're kicking off this circus by ripping fanny packs a new asshole and roasting those gun-toting stereotypes you all love to hate. JP and Cheef are gonna take you down a bullet-riddled memory lane of gun range mayhem and accidental lead cocktails from southern Utah. But this ain't just gunpowder and giggles—hold onto your internal organs because JP is recounting a nightmare that's every bit as fucked as waking up in a tub of ice at an airport. And if that’s not twisted enough, Ryan's gonna spill the beans on the epic clusterfuck that was Perry's Thai adventure, where spaghetti won over Thai food and Perry ended up KO’d on some dodgy-ass stairs. Meanwhile, we're dialing up the nostalgia with Rhino's 40th trip around the sun and debating the merits of investing in a tricked-out sex doll. Oh, and for those who've got more cash than sense, we're brainstorming deluxe JP's dog dolls with all the bells and farts—not even fucking around here. Between pedaling deals on Fox suspension parts from thelosco.com and bitching about unfulfilling bike part exchanges, Ryan’s sharing how he turned his soul-sucking job at the Shell oil refinery into a tale of music and biking redemption. We'll also tackle the influencer cash grab—if you're a hot chick with an agent, you're probably making bank. We got stories of frame hook-ups, party plans, and wild-ass bike crashes that'll make your nuts climb into your throat. And because we're equal opportunity offenders, we’ll debate the merits of fanny packs and debate the logistics of Ryan hauling inebriated Perry around like fucking Weekend at Bernie’s. Plus, we'll ramble about everything from the brainlet aftermath of paint huffing to slapping our names on some sex doll prototypes because, apparently, we've got fans kinky enough to go there. Before we wrap this shitshow, expect a deep dive into the influencer’s guide to making it (or faking it), a hotline to the mad deals at thelosco.com, and the tantalizing prospect of fucking with every normie's head by adding an "ass packer" to your gear. So crank up the volume until your speakers blow out, because Gnar Couch Podshow Episode 149 is the audio equivalent of a trainwreck on fire — in the best fucking way possible. Let's get this party started, motherfuckers! 🤘 Follow us on Instagram! Check out our store! Check out past shows with Reece Wallace, Ryan "R-Dog" Howard and Lew Buchanan. Have a suggestion for a guest? Email us at [email protected]. Check out The Lost Co for all your bike parts and suspension needs. And give The Dark Bike Co. a look for custom top caps. 00:00 Thrilling race, fucking missed win, intense description. 10:42 Reconnecting with old friends was fucking weird. 13:28 New business idea: personalized sex dolls featuring hosts. 21:36 Bald, fat, fucking redhead sweating over case. 25:19 Dodging bullets while skiing down dangerous mountain. 30:39 Fucking shutdowns meant worker bees rebuilt non-stop. 33:17 Former mountain bike influencer, sponsored rider, resume struggle. 41:50 Parts with exposure; always fucking scary. Jump and look down, nothing else. 44:16 Watching Rhino, fucking the easy line. 52:01 Aaron Gwynn just fucking conquered King Kong. 58:23 Phil Atwill is a fucking badass on a bike. 01:03:23 Blacked out, fought, left shit, remembered cash. 01:08:33 Hotel on right, then pass it. "Go back, damn it, I want a snack!" "No, there's another one up ahead." Pass again. "Stop here, I know where it is." 01:11:16 Blacked out, woke up on the damn highway. 01:18:03 Rhino's bullshit veganism saved my fucking life. 01:22:23 Quit bitching about gender and appreciate tricks. 01:30:17 Watch, locate, and fucking free ride, assholes. 01:33:12 Support our fucking content on Patreon now. 01:43:27 Photographer kicks ass, leaving others in dust. 01:44:30 Struggling with work, found perspective from colleague. **[End of Explicit Content Warning]**

We were super chuffed to have professional mountain biker Lew Buchanan on the show this week. Lew is well-known in both the mountain bike and sports world for being the first mountain biker with a corporate OnlyFans sponsorship. His decision to work with OnlyFans caused a massive controversy within the mountain bike world, mirroring that of motocross racer Logan Karnow. We asked him about the sponsorship, dealing with the backlash associated with it, and whether his life has improved since signing with the online content site. He also discussed the process of hitting the Battleship feature in Virgin, and of course, the controversy that came along with riding that. Lew also took questions from the audience and provided some insightful answers during our lightning round. We covered so many topics. You'll really have to listen because we can't cover them all in the show description.

Honestly didn't talk about mountain biking much at all this show. Not upset about it. Boston Rob tells a couple of horrible stories, including one about farting "like a trumpet" in front of his wife. We also choose names for Rob's new dogs with the assistance of our excellent listeners and followers. Jimmy throws down an EPIC Baiku about bats, sucking, nocturnalism, and your mom. Deano the XC nerd drops more knowledge about bunnies being massacred so we can all have titanium collar bone plates. One caller makes a tough choice between Cheef and Jimmy.

We planned absolutely nothing for this broadcast and it shows. Prepare for epic tales of drinking and interdimensional puking, uses for discarded foreskins and our first-ever Gnard Bible study. Cheef and JP talk about learning back flips. Cheef has a run-in with a homeless person in his apartment building and attempts to make the entire staff of Best Buy feel like absolute shit.

We're super chuffed to be back after taking a holiday break. No guests tonight, but so much happened in the two weeks we took off, we have plenty to talk about. Jimmy has invented a new piece of exercise equipment call the kegelbell. It's honestly less stupid than most mountain bike training tools. Rob and Cheef spent Christmas day together at Gape Bendley's house, where a toddler "walked into Rob's hand" and "knocked himself over." (According to Rob.) Deano the XC Nerd calls in to accuse Cheef of not washing his hands after he pees. (Accurate.) Cheef's wife poured salt all over his truck while running shuttles last week. And Rob makes a huge announcement...that Cheef was supposed to make. Love you all. HUUUUULLLOOOOO!

Content producer, pilot, and Rampage rider Reece Wallace joins the boys this week to talk about riding bikes, building a freeride compound at his house, flying planes, competing in Rampage, buying military helicopters and blasting CCR, making MTB videos that don't suck, and a guy named Tapeworm who looks like a skinnier DJ Brandt. Rob got high last weekend while hanging out with a show listener and got all sentimental, a feeling that carried through right up 'til the end of the show. JP goes off on ski trikes, possibly kicking off "Grinds My Gears" ripoff segment.

JP couldn't make the show tonight because he was possibly having a 3-way with two teachers named Connie and Tammy in Vegas last night. What actually happened? No one knows, but JP ended up in his underwear with no recollection of the night, a bunch of brusies on his ass, dirt all over his hands, and a lump on his head. The last thing he remembered was giving a guy in a pink jacket and sunglasses 20 bucks to gamble for him. Cheef poses an interesting hypothesis, positing that men have more elastic bumbs than women. Also, a bunch of generic, wacky, morning show features make this our 69th best show ever.

Rob came through and we now have a new second-best guest ever. (No one will ever top John Kilo, the guy who has sex with food.) Tour de Gnar rider Sergi Massot jumps on and absolutely steals the show with great stories about riding in the Tour, renouncing his Spanish citizenship, and a rapid-fire Q & A session for the boys. We further discuss, with the AID of our followers and listeners, who hacked our podcast a couple of months ago. Jimmy tells us a story about questioning his sexuality after seeing two dudes holding hands.

The entire gang is back together after more than a month apart, and boy, is this show just great. As usual, any actual mountain bike talk is curbed for stuff way dumber. Rob makes his return by immediately shitting to kick off the show. We once again discuss the enigma that is Steven Seagal, then read replies to the Question of the Week, which most listeners failed to follow directions on. Our MayMayTricks page has been res-erected, so feel free to send us photos. Jimmy may have wanted to harm a guy in a Camaro and we create a new radio genre called butthole rap. Credit for the Butthole song: Noah Davis

Welcumb back to the Gnar Couch Podshow, a private podcast dance for your ears. Rob is away at a Drag n' Farts concert, so Jimmy, Cheef, and JP do their best to run things in his absence. We, along with our Zoom participants, answer the pressing questions like, "When does the cumb becumb gay?" Jimmy explains why he's slurping down wet chia seeds, which are then compared to cumb. We also discuss "long hamburgers." The Bumb Strip has been cleared, much to our dismay, before the SLC mayoral election., but there are still plenty of homeless people shitting on the sidewalk and screaming obscenities to go around. And one more cumb topic: can you IV inject yourself with your own cumb? Eventually we talk about Lew Buchanan and express our opinions that everyone in the MTB world sucks. And kimchi is kumbchi, and it's good.

If you're a man and you've ever considered waxing your taint to be accepted into a threesome, the first 20 minutes of this week's show are for you. Rob goes in-depth, uncovering the process and explaining the positions you'll assume should you choose to tear out your crotch shrubs. In today's educational segment, the boys discuss some biology. The pearl fish is a sneaky little devil that loves to make a home inside of a sea cucumber's ass, which coincidentally, also serves as its mouth. Learn something new and #TrustTheGnardScience in this fun segment perfect for the inquisitive mind. Cheef and JP make a $10 bet. Cheef says the next time it snows in the Wasatch Mountains, the upper Park City mountain trails will be closed for the season. JP disagrees. The other part of the bet was private, but we assure you someone will get violated as a result.

Uncle Touchy is back and he has a LOT to say, most of which isn't even bike-related at all. Reamo Piehole calls in and we actually call him back this week. He tells us about his family and his trip to North Carolina. We try to talk about Rampage, but end up talking about Will Smith building an arboretum so he has trees to hide behind while Jada cucks him. The Rampage site is still there. If you wanna show everyone you can ride it, now is the time. No one will. Most people who comment about Rampage don't know what they're talking about. Some other Rampage stuff. Rob has a ticklish peen. New Gnar Couch home decor is in production now, so stop living, laughing, and loving, and get ready to Laugh, Fart, and Cum.

We're back after a week off to talk about Rampage for 30 seconds before we talk about Rob's sack sling. Realizing we're drifting way off course, we randomly decide to call Ryan Rodriguez, who is busy digging at Rampage. Ryno takes us deep into Rampage, telling us what the pros are up to, how they're approaching their lines, and what the vibes are like this year. Despite the fact we "suck at riding" and we're "misogynist Chads," you'll learn a hell of a lot about this year's Rampage when you plug us deep into your ear holes. Uncle Touchy has gone missing, most likely drunkenly lost in the desert with a bag full of firearms. Hopefully, we find him before next week.

The Gnar Couch Podcast has returned after an involuntary hiatus due to being hacked and deleted. Cheef apologizes for himself and the crew to kick off the show. How the hack went down is explained. (Guess what? No one really cares and we're back, so the whole thing was pointless.) Cheef has to explain a joke to Rob. Still dumb. Still Awesome. Still Gnar Couch.

Someone hacked our podcast host account last week after we posted our opinions on Rampage, which are definitely in favor of including female riders. Most simply put, we rebuked the idea that sexism and misogyny were the reasons women weren't included this year. We came to this conclusion based on insider information provided by both pro riders and our personal experiences freeriding in Virgin. As the week progressed, public interviews with the riders confirmed the information we were given. Someone took exception to our opinions, which, again, we based on information not yet available to the public, and deleted our entire podcast library. Now, we're back, stronger than ever before. If you thought we were awful before, wait until you hear what we have planned for you now.