The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Something I hear increasingly among my client population is the experience of burnout after divorce. And this is the thing that very few people prepare you for. You've made it through the hardest decision of your life. You survived the chaos of the initial separation. You got through the legal process. And then you get to the other side, expecting to feel magically better, clear, and free. Instead, you feel exhausted. So in this week's solo episode, I am going to shine a light on what is actually happening in your body and your nervous system after divorce. Why it's so much more than just being tired, what burnout after divorce actually looks like and why it's so disorienting, and what regulated rebuilding actually looks like so you don't end up right back in depletion. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why burnout after divorce is about way more than just being tired How burnout actually shows up and why it catches so many women completely off guard What regulated rebuilding really looks like after years of survival mode How tiny micro-steps of noticing, honoring, and following through rebuild self-trust over time Why powering through burnout is the one thing that will set you back the most Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Co-dependents Anonymous Al-Anon =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-364-burnout-after-divorce-what-nobody-prepares-you-for

Imagine what it would be like to create healthy relationships without sacrificing ourselves as women. That is exactly what Michelle Farris helps women do. Michelle is a psychotherapist and codependency expert, and this conversation goes deep fast. She brings both the clinical knowledge and the lived experience of someone who has done her own recovery work, and honestly, we could not have been more in sync. Codependency is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, and yet so many women are still walking around not fully recognizing themselves in it. At its core, it is what happens when someone hyperfocuses on helping, fixing, and controlling others in hopes of getting the love and validation that cannot be given to themselves. So externally focused that the magnifying glass never turns into the mirror. And if the focus is always on someone else, there is no reason to look inward. This conversation gets into what codependency actually is, why naming it is not a disservice but a necessity, and what it really takes to start building a relationship with yourself when the focus has been on everyone else for as long as anyone can remember. Codependency recovery is not about fixing anyone else. It is about finally turning the focus inward. Knowing something is wrong is just the beginning. Finding yourself again is the work. What you'll hear about in this episode: What codependency actually is and why helping, fixing, and controlling are not the same as loving (2:10) Why getting targeted support for codependency and divorce separately actually matters (8:06) Labeling codependency as a "disservice to women": Michelle explains why the problem has to be named before healing can begin (9:45) How Michelle works with women who in codependency recovery and what that process looks like (23:55) How codependency directly impacts divorce outcomes and the ability to advocate for yourself (30:51) Why wrapping yourself in the identity of mother can become its own way of avoiding recovery and what it does to your kids (32:23) Boundaries, what they actually are, why they feel impossible at first, and how to start small (37:51) Learn more about Michelle Farris: Michelle Farris is a psychotherapist, codependency expert, and anger management specialist with a passion for helping people break free from toxic relationship patterns. She's been featured in top online publications and podcasts and has reached over 3 million viewers on her YouTube channel, where she's known for giving relationship skills that work. Michelle empowers her clients to stop people-pleasing, trust themselves again, and build healthy, connected relationships through practical tools for codependency recovery, emotional regulation, and self-trust. Resources & Links: Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Michelle's websiteMichelle on YouTube Michelle on Facebook Michelle on Instagram Michelle on LinkedIn Pia Mellody Codependency Tree =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-363-codependency-in-women-signs-patterns-and-how-to-break-free-with-michelle-farris

The question I hear more than almost any other, from clients, from women inside Phoenix Rising, and from my community is: "Why didn't I leave sooner?" Perhaps it's an inner voice that nudges. It sounds like you, but it's partially your friends, your family, maybe your attorney or it's cultural. That voice asks, "If it was so bad, why did she stay?" or "You should have known better." But here's what I want you to hear: waiting to leave is not a failure and leaving is not defined by a single moment. It's a process. You didn't fail to leave sooner, you were in the process of leaving. You were in the process of becoming the woman who could. In this episode I talk about what that process actually looks like and why the timeline you're judging yourself for may be exactly what made exiting your marriage possible. I get into how hope keeps women in relationships longer than almost anything else, and why that's not a weakness. I also explore why doing this self-work inside a community of women who get it, is exponentially more powerful than going through it alone. The goal isn't just to get out, it is to build something different on the other side. That's exactly what you're doing. What you'll hear about in this episode: How leaving starts as a whisper and why staying at that point actually feels like the more responsible choice Those practical realities like "where will I live?" or "what happens to the kids?", aren't about being stuck. They're about assessing risk. Leaving requires a version of you that doesn't exist yet, and becoming that person takes time How to reframe the question from "why didn't I leave sooner" to "what was I learning?" Why leaving before you're ready can actually prolong the cycle and how the timing, even when it feels late, is often exactly what you needed ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here Resources & Links:Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-362-why-didnt-i-leave-sooner-because-you-were-becoming-the-person-who-could/

TEDx speaker, author, neurodiversity and mental health advocate, and host of the Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, and she brings over 20 years of clinical experience to everything she does. We have done some incredible episodes together, and this is no exception. Amelia recently brought to my attention a study exploring the impact of Kentucky's 50/50 shared custody ruling, which has been credited with dropping divorce rates by 25% or more. Articles are celebrating the decrease in divorce. And that is exactly what alarmed us. Here's why: Divorce rates are not dropping because people are happier in their marriages. What this ruling is actually doing is forcing victims to stay in unsafe marriages because they are terrified of their children being alone with their abuser 50% of the time. Now other states are looking at Kentucky as a model of success worth replicating. So we are digging into what this actually means from a trauma-informed perspective. What happens in the nervous system when the legal system puts the burden of proof on the victim. Why a child witnessing abuse meets the clinical definition of PTSD, and why courts are not looking at it that way. And what it does to a survivor, psychologically and physiologically, when they are told they must hand their child to their abuser half of the time. This is a legal conversation, but we are not here as attorneys. We are here as trauma-informed professionals who see what this is doing to survivors every single day. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why dropping divorce rates are not always a good thing and what is actually keeping people from leaving (2:40) The burden of proof is on the victim, and what that does to them psychologically (10:46) What happens in the nervous system when you are told you must share your child 50% of the time with your abuser (12:00) Why your attorney is not your therapist or divorce coach and why an interdisciplinary team matters (15:08) Aimee Says AI, the tool built for survivors that helps document, organize, and categorize abuse evidence (18:16) Why a child witnessing abuse is, by definition, a traumatized child and why courts don't see it that way (21:26) How to find a therapist who will testify, and why you need to ask upfront before you need them (23:42) Learn more about Dr. Amelia Kelley: Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist, professor, TED speaker, author, and neurodiversity and mental health advocate, as well as the host of The Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, supporting those impacted by emotional and psychological harm in rebuilding self-trust, clarity, and nervous-system stability. With over 20 years of clinical experience, she takes an integrative, science-grounded approach informed by IFS, EMDR, somatic and polyvagal theory, and ADHD research. She is currently writing her forthcoming book on ADHD treatment in women with Norton Publishing. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Dr. Amelia Kelley's website Dr. Kelley on Facebook Dr. Kelley on Instagram Dr. Kelley on LinkedIn Episode 353: Aimee Says Updates: How Women Are Documenting Abuse in Real Time with Anne Wintemute Episode 335: Making Your Trauma Responses Work For You with Dr. Amelia Kelley Article: Kentucky's Equal Custody Law Shows Why America Needs Shared Parenting Presumptions =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-361-why-dropping-divorce-rates-are-not-always-good-news-with-dr-amelia-kelley/

One of the things I see so often with women going through divorce, especially high conflict divorce, is this instinct to explain yourself, to clarify, to defend yourself, to make sure the other person understands what actually happened. But here's the problem: in a high conflict divorce, explaining yourself is often the very thing that keeps you stuck in the conflict. In this episode, I walk you through why the communication playbook that works in healthy relationships completely backfires when you're dealing with a high conflict personality, and what to do instead. Here's the thing: high conflict dynamics operate like a fire. Explanations are oxygen. Every time you write a long response or try to defend yourself, you're actually blowing air into the flames. Every explanation keeps you in the engagement. Every defense keeps you in the arena. You don't have to keep exhausting yourself trying to explain the truth to someone who has already decided not to hear it. You get to step out of that cycle and you get to move forward with a playbook that actually works in high conflict divorce. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why explanations don't resolve conflict in high conflict dynamics, they extend it How your words become fuel: long texts, clarifying emails, and attempts to correct the narrative all give the other person material to twist, screenshot, and weaponize The difference between the explanation mindset and the documentation mindset The BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) and how to use it Why silence isn't capitulating and why not every accusation requires a response Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-360-stop-explaining-yourself-why-it-makes-high-conflict-divorce-worse/

Sarah McDugal is back on the podcast, and this time we're talking about what it actually takes to protect your children inside a family court system that often reframes abuse as "mutual high conflict" and makes the protective parent look like the problem. Sarah is a clarity coach and founder of Freedom Navigator and Wilderness to Wild, where she works exclusively with protective parents navigating high-conflict divorce and custody battles. In this conversation, we talk about why the ways most of us instinctively respond—explaining, defending, and trying to get people to understand the truth—can actually work against us in court. We also dive into Sarah's High Conflict Court Risk Index, an assessment designed to help parents understand early how likely their case is to become a long, drawn-out legal battle. The earlier you can see the terrain you're walking into, the more strategically you can move through it. And we talk about the kids. One of the most powerful reframes Sarah offers is that protecting our children doesn't always mean shielding them from harm. Sometimes the greatest protection we can give them is helping them learn how to navigate difficult realities with clarity, resilience, and support. If you're deep in a high-conflict case and feel like everything you do somehow gets used against you, you're not imagining it. The family court system is not what most of us think it is—and fighting it the way we naturally want to can sometimes make things worse. This conversation offers a different playbook. What you'll hear about in this episode: Why what family court labels "high conflict" is very often an abuser-victim dynamic, not a mutual conflict situation (5:28) How you can shift the dynamics in court by changing yourself, not by trying to change the other person or the system (11:10) The High Conflict Court Risk Index, what it assesses, who it is for, and why taking it early means you can start the right conversations sooner (12:28) Why an interdisciplinary divorce team saves you time, money, and unnecessary damage (24:28) What to do when your high conflict court risk comes back moderate to high, and where to go for support (23:30) Why protecting your kids from all harm is not the goal and how to start teaching them to navigate tricky people and tricky situations instead (31:30) ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Learn more about Sarah McDugal:Sarah McDugal is a clarity coach and founder of FREEDOM Navigator and Wilderness to WILD. She works exclusively with protective parents in high-conflict divorce and custody battles. In addition to a master's degree, Sarah holds certifications and training in: Master Certified Professional Coach (MCPC), Certified High Conflict Legal Dispute Resolver, High Conflict Institute, Certified Assessor: Danger and Lethality Assessment, Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing, Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment (DSTT) Training, Dr. Omar Minwalla, and APSATS Model for Multi-Dimensional Partner Trauma (MPTM) Training. After surviving nearly a decade of custody litigation herself, Sarah equips her clients with trauma-informed tools, court-ready case prep resources, and strategic battle plans to fight smarter for the long haul — without losing their sanity, their kids, or their voice. Known for her blend of ethical precision and empathetic strength, Sarah empowers protective parents to transform survival into strategy — guiding weary warriors to rise with endurance, resilience, and courage. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce High Conflict Court Risk Index Freedom Navigator WebsiteSarah on LinkedIn Sarah on Instagram Sarah on YouTube Episode 109: DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugal =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM

Let's talk about something that sits at the center of so many of the conversations I have with women: men's rage is not a communication issue. It's a responsibility issue. So many of us are taught to treat anger like something that can be solved with better tools, better timing, or more understanding. Something you can help fix. But when anger creates fear, when it's targeted, when it's tied to entitlement or control, we are no longer talking about miscommunication. We are talking about power. That realization can be destabilizing, even terrifying, because if it were just communication, you could work on it together. But when you find yourself managing someone else's moods, shrinking to avoid escalation, or feeling unsafe expressing yourself, the issue is no longer communication. In this solo episode, you'll learn what it looks like to step back, observe behavior over time, and trust the information your body is giving you. Because until responsibility is taken consistently and independently, nothing changes. What you'll hear about in this episode: How fear signals a power dynamic, not a communication breakdown What it means when someone controls their anger everywhere except with you Why couples therapy requires safety and equality and what happens when those aren't present The difference between panic when access is removed and true accountability How to recognize real change through sustained behavior, not short term effort Why sex during separation can undermine clarity How underlying beliefs about entitlement, control, and dominance fuel chronic anger The role financial entanglement plays in keeping people psychologically stuck How separation becomes a period of observation where behavior, not words, is the data Why a calmer nervous system is meaningful information you should not ignore ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Resources & Links: Get Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Episode 356: How to Assess Real Change When a Partner Promises Everything =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-358-anger-is-not-a-communication-issue/

I'm welcoming back one of your favorite guests and one of mine, divorce mortgage specialist Tami Wollensak, because we need to talk about the house. Specifically… what actually happens to it in divorce and what your real options are. Mortgage rules have shifted, interest rates have changed, and the questions I hear from clients all the time still come back to the same thing: Can I keep the house? Should I keep the house? Is it even possible? Tami and I walk through the realities behind keeping the marital home, including what people misunderstand about ownership, how mortgage assumption actually works, and why the emotional pull to keep it has to be balanced with long-term financial stability. We also talk about what happens when plans fall through, how to build backup strategies into your agreements, and why sometimes the smartest move is stepping back instead of fighting to stay. This conversation walks through the real financial and legal realities of what happens to the house in divorce. Because wanting the house and being able to keep the house are not always the same thing. What you'll hear about in this episode: The biggest misconception about "wanting to keep the house" (2:18) What mortgage assumption means and why you must ask the right questions (8:32) Why home ownership isn't always the healthiest financial decision after divorce (23:14) What happens when a mortgage assumption falls through and how to recover (41:32) Resources & Links: Assessing Change WorksheetGet Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce Tami's Website Episode 204: Take or Leave the House? With Tami Wollensak =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-357-the-truth-about-mortgage-assumptions-with-tami-wollensak/

When you tell your partner you want a divorce and suddenly they promise everything, how do you know if it's real desire to change or just panic talking? You may be hearing apologies that sound deeper than anything you've heard before, promises of therapy, and urgent requests for time, all while you're stuck questioning yourself. Is this real? Is it different this time? Or is this fear talking? That confusion, the second-guessing, and the pull to pause your own healing just to see what happens are incredibly common. In this solo episode, I walk you through how to assess change clearly and safely. You'll learn what real change actually looks like beyond words and emotional displays, why pressure and urgency are red flags, and why your safety and autonomy never become negotiable just because someone promises to change. Remember, you can keep moving forward with your own healing and planning without putting your life on hold while a partner claims they are working on themselves. ✨This episode includes a free downloadable worksheet to help you assess whether real change is actually happening. Grab it at kateanthony.com/assessingchange. What you'll hear about in this episode: How to tell the difference between genuine commitment and a crisis reaction What real change actually looks like in behavior, accountability, and time Why your nervous system is data and how to use it to assess safety How to observe patterns without gaslighting yourself or putting your life on hold Why your safety and autonomy never become negotiable ✨ If you'd like to watch the video version of this episode, you can find it here. Resources & Links: Assessing Change WorksheetGet Your Curated Podcast PlaylistFocused Strategy Sessions with Kate The Divorce Survival Guide Resource BundlePhoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment CollectiveKate on InstagramKate on FacebookKate's Substack Newsletter: Divorce Coaching Dispatch The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Episodes are also available YouTube! Seven Step Mindset Reset for Divorce =================== DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. =================== Episode link: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-356-how-to-assess-real-change-when-a-partner-promises-everything/