Episode 28

Nervous System First Parenting with Kimberley Guche

The Autism Mums Podcast · Victoria Bennion and Natalie Tealdi

September 30, 202532m 50s

Audio is streamed directly from the publisher (episodes.captivate.fm) as published in their RSS feed. Play Podcasts does not host this file. Rights-holders can request removal through the copyright & takedown page.

Original episode page

Show Notes

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Kimberley Guche to the show. Kim explains how our children read our inner signals (even when we’re 'holding it together), why we can’t think our way out of overwhelm and the simple, compassionate resets that help us move from chaos to calm.

Kimberley's Biography

Kim Guche is a pediatric speech-language pathologist, certified hypnotherapist, NLP coach, and the creator of Nervous System First Parenting™ — a revolutionary, body-based approach that helps overwhelmed moms calm their own nervous system so they can lead with steadiness and intention. Drawing on trauma-informed tools, vagus nerve science, and her own journey as a single mom of four, Kim teaches the part most parenting books miss: how to shift chaos by regulating the energy inside you. Her 5-minute Chaos to Calm™ Reset isn’t just for your kids — it’s for you, so you can finally stop white-your way through motherhood.

Key Takeaways

Calm is a body state: regulation has to be felt, not forced by thoughts.
Children read our nervous systems - even when we’re 'holding it together.'
Five-minute resets that work anywhere: breath, havening, tapping, shaking, cold-water splash.
Visual anchors (trees, sunflowers, happy snapshots) create a rapid route back to safety.
Grounding touch and proprioceptive input can soothe dysregulation when touch is OK.
Micro 'pattern interrupts' sprinkled through the day raise your resilience floor.
Congruence matters: when your inner and outer signals match, kids settle faster.
Anchor the good: pair a physical cue with a joyful memory for instant state-shifts.
Work with mums and kids to amplify results and reduce trigger loops.
Progress over perfection - self-kindness keeps everyone steadier.

Connect with Kimberley

Access Kim's meditations:

Peaceful Parenting

Chaos to Calm Reset

Access Kim's free Skool group where mums can find help to get calmer inside of the chaos.

Website: www.entrancinginspirations.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaostocalmnlp/

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Natalie Tealdi: [00:00:00] welcome to the podcast, Kim. It's great to

have you here.

Kim Guche: It's great

to be here. Thank you.

Natalie Tealdi: So

you've got a really interesting background. Can you talk a little bit about

your journey to becoming the creator of the Nervous System First Parenting

please.

Kim Guche: My journey

is started I think probably when I was a speech. I'm a speech language

pathologist and I, and I also have four children. I, when I was, had a turning

point in my speech pathology career where I, it just wasn't working for me

anymore. And I knew I needed to do something different 'cause something else

felt like it was calling me and I ended up finding my way to look, going into

hypnosis, but for myself.

Kim Guche: 'cause I

wanted to see what is this about? How could I use it for me? And, so the minute

I walked in to the appointment that I had, it was like just something hit me.

Like I knew oh, I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do now, but I didn't

know why or how or really what I [00:01:00] was

gonna do with it.

Kim Guche: And I just

knew it is I gotta open this up more. And then when I learned about it. And I

started, I started working with it. And you know how much it helped me. I

thought this would really be great for all the kids that I work with, that

because I had said when I was working with the kids every time I'd go back to

school on Monday, wouldn't it be great if there was a way.

Kim Guche: That we

could make all this stuff that I tell you all the time, stick, and then we

wouldn't have to start over again every Monday. And I didn't know that. Using

the subconscious mind, that's exactly what happens. So once I learned that, it

hit me like, oh, that's how you do it. You use the other side of the brain and

not just for learning, but for so many things.

Kim Guche: Just

mindset and letting go of the old. Like the fears that we have and the

self-doubts and the the anxiety. And so I had thought I do wanna [00:02:00] use this. It helped me so much. I wanna

help people, but I'm passionate about kids. So I thought, how can I use this?

How can I use this to help the kids that I work with?

Kim Guche: And then

it just started happening that, moms, I had a people finding me and saying, can

you know, how can you help my kid? And it started out with I was getting a lot

of children for sports improvement gymnasts and kids who were getting in their

head for their sport and had fear.

Kim Guche: And so I

started doing that and and that's of course, that's wonderful because you, you

wanna see kids excel because that's how their self-esteem and they grow in so

many ways through their sport and you never want them to give up. So I started

like that and then I thought, wow, this could really help so many kids with the

limiting beliefs and the anxiety that they have.

Kim Guche: And then,

because as a speech language pathologist primarily working with kids on the

autism spectrum, A DHD like the gamut of everything in a [00:03:00] school. I started getting clients, like

moms were bringing their kids to me with with autism and help, asking could I

help them learn how to socialize better or to get over a fear.

Kim Guche: And that,

so I it went into that. And then personally for me, I left. The place where I

was living moved to a new place where I knew no one and had a huge cataclysmic

life event where I was very anxious all the time with a lot of very high needs

kids in the class that I was working in.

Kim Guche: And so I

was struggling with them and I was watching like these kids. Listen, and they

follow directions for the teacher and for other people. But they were not

behaving at all when they were in speech. And I know I'm a great speech

pathologist, so I thought, what, I have to really look at what's going on.

Kim Guche: 'cause

it's not the room we're in, it's not the school. It's, there's gotta be

something with me. [00:04:00] So I started,

thinking what would happen? What would happen? What? It's, it, I can't put it

on them. It's got, I have to look at me. What would happen if I meditate every

day before I come to school and got myself calmer.

Kim Guche: And I just

set, said it as like a random, let's do it as an experiment. And I noticed it

worked. I had two good days in a row and I thought, this can't, it can't just

be the meditation, could it? And I thought maybe it really is. So I, I got

outta my meditation routine. When my life changed, which was not a good thing

to do, but that's what happened.

Kim Guche: So I got

back into it, I got back meditating and it, I realized it had nothing to do

with my skill as a speech pathologist with the techniques I was using, with the

reinforcers, with the games we were playing. 'cause they liked all that. It,

they were getting dysregulated because I was dysregulated and. So I was

journaling at the time, and then I just started reflecting. And it brought me

back [00:05:00] to all the times when I was

raising my own kids. And my very sensitive son had said to me day, he said,

mommy, you're doing all, why are you, I'm doing all this crying because you're

doing all this yelling.

Kim Guche: And he was

having a day where he wouldn't stop crying. And I said what? Yelling? I haven't

yelled. He said, yes you are. Yes you are. You're yelling right here. Right

here. And he was like pointing, pointing to his chest. And I said, I have, this

mom hasn't yelled, so I don't know what mom, I don't know what mom you're

talking about.

Kim Guche: And then

I, but I didn't connect the dots back then. I, and then I thought back all the

times my other kids had brought up similar things about how, they could feel

that I wasn't okay on the inside, even though I tried to make it look like I

was on the outside. So I, in that moment when I was, working with that group of

kids, that, that classroom really changed it for me.

Kim Guche: That was

when I really thought I connected all the dots they [00:06:00]

behave better. Because they like you. They're connected. I, I thought like

it's, I first thought the, they don't, these kids don't like me. And then I

thought, no, that's not it. They do like me. And then once I got calmer, I

started seeing so much change.

Kim Guche: Kids that

were I was fighting with them to use their communication device. They were

throwing it across the room. They started using it. They started sitting on my

lap. They were calm. So I thought there's. There's a lot to this. And I, so

just, it was in phases, and I just started putting it together that 'cause the

biggest thing I ever wanted to do in my life was to be the best mom ever.

Kim Guche: That was

all I really ever wanted. I didn't wanna go to college. I didn't wanna be a

speech pathologist. I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be the best mom 'cause

I wanted to do better. And I thought. I'm failing at all times in my life where

I thought like I'm failing at this.

Kim Guche: 'cause I

was parenting from tr from trauma, like from a dysregulated nervous system,

which a lot of us [00:07:00] are. There's

Natalie Tealdi: oh

yeah,

Kim Guche: We're

often. I think moms are doing so many things at once all the time. And then we

beat ourselves up and we feel like it's us. And if our kids aren't okay, then

we're not okay.

Kim Guche: And we

feel like it's us as the problem.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I've noticed that with myself. I'm, I tend to meditate every day, either in the

morning or the evening, but I really notice it. If I miss it for a couple of

days I'm not as regulated and the effect that has on my children. It really is

quite a big deal. Yeah try not to skip it now.

Kim Guche: I, yeah.

You think. Oh, what's the, if I just miss it, it's easy to miss. It's easy to

skip your workout, but then you skip your workout once, or you skip your

meditation once and it becomes easy to skip again. And it all piles up. And I

think as our kids are so tuned in to us, to the moms especially, and they, they

always want us, they're always scanning us to see if we're okay and [00:08:00] we.

Kim Guche: We work

overtime to make it so we are okay. Even when we're not. But they know, they

know when we're not and they know when we're trying to, smile on the outside.

But on the inside we're barely holding it together. So I think when I started

talking about it, like nervous system, first I thought, is that gonna make, is

that gonna be. Off putting to people. 'Cause it sounds big and it sounds heavy

and it sounds like, oh God, I gotta fix one more thing. But I want the message

about it to be, not that it's, you have to fix one more thing. It's like you

have the power. It's like giving you the key, you like, like instead of feeling

bad. I'm not doing, I'm not doing good enough because, moms shortchange, we

shortchange ourselves anyway all the time. 'cause we put the focus on the kids

and we think they need the help, so let's help them first. But it's like in the

airplane, they tell you have to put the, you have to put the mask on yourself [00:09:00] first before you can put it on the people

around you.

Kim Guche: And so if

I think like. When we are, 'cause we're the anchor for everything in the house

for the kids. And they're always looking to us. So I feel like who, who

doesn't, when the, just look at everything that's happening in the news all the

time and in the world, like who doesn't need the tools to be calmer?

Kim Guche: Like we,

we really all do.

Victoria Bennion: We

do. One of the things that you talk about is that we can't think our way out of

overwhelm. . So what can we do when we are dysregulated? I know you've

mentioned meditation.

Kim Guche: Because

you know any. Anytime we have a problem, right? The first thing we do is go to

our brain, like logically try. Let's try and solve it. Think our way out of a

problem. And, but but calm and regulation and be and grounded isn't in our

heads, it's in our body. And so you can't think, you're not gonna solve that [00:10:00] issue through your head.

Kim Guche: Like it

has to go, it has to go through your body. To get, calmer and more regulated

first. It's all body work. So simple things like even just imagining something

grounding like a tree, or, very simple things like even just like the havening,

from shoulders down to elbows.

Kim Guche: 'Cause

that's a comforting, that's a comforting, cue for the body and it bring, it, it

communicates a sense of safety to the nervous system. When we're overwhelmed or

anxious or stressed, if if we all, if we paid attention to our breathing, we're

mostly holding our breath or breathing from here, breathing shallow.

Kim Guche: And when

we breathe like that, it sends signals to the body that there's danger and that

we're not okay. So even. Paying attention and doing different breath patterns

to regulate or even shaking, shaking out the overwhelm, doing something in the

body to, [00:11:00] get to get rid of it. M

moving it, moving it through instead of we hold it and then we, what do most

people do?

Kim Guche: We try and

push through it or ignore it. So that's what I mean by you can't think your way

to it. It has to happen through the body.

Victoria Bennion:

that makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

Natalie Tealdi: And

can you explain why holding it together is not the same as being regulated?

Kim Guche: Again

because like that example that I said about my kids they know. A lot of, I feel

as. As the generations go on, like these the kids younger and younger are more

and more sensitive. We're seeing a lot of kids that are really and it's a

blessing and a curse to be that sensitive.

Kim Guche: They're

very sensitive and tuned in and they, they're sensory systems are easily

overloaded and easily set off. But, they're also very perceptive and tuned in

to people even when, even if it may seem like they're not but nervous systems [00:12:00] communicate with each other and it's like

a, a.

Kim Guche: It's kinda

like a two-way radio device. Like your nervous system is always scanning the

environment to look for cues of safety or danger because one, the primary

function of the subconscious mind and nervous system, one of those primary

functions is to keep us safe and get us out of danger. So many things happen in

a split second outside of conscious awareness, and so kids are always scanning.

Kim Guche:

Environment, but they're also tuning into us to see is this person that's

supposed to keep me safe? Is that person okay? And so when we try and put on

okay on the outside, so we're smiling or we're, using a quieter tone of voice

or even slowing our speech rate, or if we're feeling tense or worried or we're

anticipating a meltdown or, we're in public and we're like, oh, what's what?

How's this gonna go? Because if your child [00:13:00]

is set off by. lights or fire engine goes by you, you're always like this,

wait, what's gonna happen? So on the inside, even though you might try be

trying to smile and hold it together you're probably giving a, an unconscious

cue like you're holding tension or gritting your teeth or showing on your body.

Kim Guche: There's

those other subtle cues that indicate your tense. The kids pick that up. But

mostly what they do, what they can sense is the feeling of you. So they're

looking for the signal, like what you show me on the outside, you're trying to

show me everything's okay, but I can feel you on the inside and you're not.

Kim Guche: And so

what does that mean? Because it's not a, it's not a congruent signal. They

don't, all of this is unconscious, right? It's all nervous system language.

They don't know that this is how it's going, but. They feel it like, my, my son

had said, you're yelling and my daughter had said before, whatever's happening

with you, it [00:14:00] hurts me.

Kim Guche: I like, I

can feel it in my chest. So they are, when they, when a child can't put that

together, the outside and the inside don't match, it gets them more

dysregulated 'cause they can't make sense of it.

Victoria Bennion:

Okay, this is reminding me a little bit of my dog training because,

Kim Guche: It's kinda

Kim Guche: yeah.

Victoria Bennion: my

dog's

← All episodes of The Autism Mums Podcast