Back to School Challenges for Autistic Children

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about the big transition back to school after the summer holidays.

Key Takeaways

• Early signs of school anxiety often show up in unexpected ways, like food refusal or “I’m not going back” language.
• Preparation can be supportive—but too much talk or change too far in advance can fuel anxiety instead.
• Creating “worry boundaries” helps keep August feeling like summer rather than weeks of dread.
• New timetables, new staff, and classroom changes can be huge triggers—meet-and-greets and phased starts make a difference.
• Reduced demands can ease pressure, but they need to be handled carefully so they don’t harden into new rigid routines.
• Safe foods and small wins (like trips to McDonald’s) can tide children over through anxiety spikes.
• Parents need realistic self-care—short breaks, slower mornings, or supportive rituals—to stay resilient.
• Trust and reassurance are more powerful than pressure: children need to know they won’t be forced into situations they can’t cope with.

Mentioned in This Episode

Victoria talked about her experience with Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) for anxiety with her client, psychotherapist and Founding EFT Master Carol Look. You can learn more about Carol's work at www.carollook.com

Listener Letter

This week we’re so grateful to share a message from Kirsty, one of our listeners:

“...I just wanted you both to know you’ve become a lifeline to me with tips that actually work. Please keep going ladies! One not-so-stressed-out mom thanks to you both. Thank you for being open, honest and willing to share. It makes the world of difference to know we aren’t alone.”

Warmest wishes,

Kirsty & T 💛

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to

the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters

raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday

moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,

shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving

a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with

you.

Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in

between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:

Welcome back to the Autism Moms Podcast. In today's episode, we're talking about the transition back to school after the summer holidays.

Natalie Tealdi:

But before we get started, we just want to share a lovely letter we had from our listener, Kirsty, with her permission. Messages like this remind us why these conversations are so important. Here's what Kirsty wrote:

‘Firstly, thank you so much for doing this podcast! I find it incredibly easy to listen to, full of practical tips to help my child and very informative. While we don't have an official diagnosis yet, my three-year-old son ticks many of the ASD boxes as well as having a bit of a PDA spiky profile. I knew something wasn’t quite right when he was a year old, but pushed it to the back of my mind until it became obvious.

Struggles with food, sleep issues, needing deep pressure hugs and weighted blankets, problems socialising, very sensitive hearing and huge problems with transitions — the list goes on! Luckily, his speech and language hasn’t been affected apart from a bit of echolalia when he’s excited or stressed.

I just wanted you both to know you’ve become a lifeline to me with tips that actually work. Please keep going ladies! One not-so-stressed-out mom thanks to you both. Thank you for being open, honest and willing to share. It makes the world of difference to know we aren’t alone.

Victoria Bennion:

Thanks so much, Kirsty and t. If Kirsty's words resonated with you, do know

that there are so many of us walking this path together, and like Kirsty, if

you'd ever like to share your story with us, big or small, we'd love to hear

from you. [00:01:00] Right?

Natalie Tealdi: How

was your summer?

Victoria Bennion: Our

summer was really good for, I'm trying to think, four weeks. Yeah, our summer

was really good for about four weeks. I know we, we, so we have our opposite

experiences, don't we? So mine was nice and light until about a week and a half

ago, I would say.

Victoria Bennion: And

that's when for one of my children, the anxiety of back to school starts.

Natalie Tealdi: And

then what does that look like?

Victoria Bennion: Do

you know the first signs probably was that he started talking about how he

wasn't going back, isn't going back. Quite graphic really, and it is not just,

I'd rather not go with back, it's, I'd rather die than go back.

Victoria Bennion:

That kind of extreme, language stopped eating dinner. So you can see all the

signs that the anxiety's really rising in him.

Natalie Tealdi: It's

great he's communicating it though, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah it's really great that he's not holding it all [00:02:00]

in. And then the other ways that shows up is.

Victoria Bennion:

That the things he was coping really well with for those four weeks, when it

was summer, holiday day, bliss, you know, all the pressure's off and he was

happy. I think I talked about in the previous episode, we'd managed to go to a

normal screening at the cinema and we'd managed to go out and about quite a

bit.

Victoria Bennion:

Things that he wanted to, but he was chatty, sociable. Coping with things

better than normal. So it was quite hard to see that anxiety for him come back

hard. I booked another trip to the cinema. There were things I did wrong here,

there was another film he wanted to see the Jurassic World Rebirth film.

Victoria Bennion: I

thought we would give that a go and I thought. It's almost like it lulls you

into a false sense of security. We did it once. We're on a roll, if this is all

okay now, no, it's not all okay now, and it's a [00:03:00]

different day and it's a different week. So all the preparation that I did that

first time to get him into the cinema, I shortcutted it.

Victoria Bennion: I

suppose. I didn't give enough notice. It wasn't on the calendar. Even though we

discussed it verbally, it wasn't on the calendar so he couldn't see it. So that

gave him an issue to start with. We booked the seats, but we only booked them

the day before. We did look again at the map and choose the seats, but when it

came to the day, he was obviously feeling very anxious because as far as he's

concerned, school's now approaching, and so it made everything worse.

Victoria Bennion:

That morning he said, I can't go. I want to go, but I can't go. So I had to do

a lot of coaxing. Got into the car, got to car park, couldn't get out of the

car. Lot of coaxing got into the cinema, collected the drinks, got up to the

screen, [00:04:00] couldn't go through the door

to the screen. He did.

Victoria Bennion:

Eventually, all I said was. Try it. It's the same seats, it's the same screen

that we went to a couple of weeks ago. Same rule if you're not coping, if you

want to leave, we can leave. One of the things that he said to me. I won't be

able to tell you if I'm not coping.

Victoria Bennion: I

will just sit there and feel really bad and that is something that I know that

he struggles with. It's the internalizing it and he'll go into freeze and it's

not always obvious to anybody else.

Natalie Tealdi: Do

you know,

Victoria Bennion: I

would look for signs that he wasn't responding or I was gonna say biting nails.

That's fairly common. That's something he would do. It doesn't necessarily mean

he was at that really awful shutdown point. I hope I would know I was keeping a

close eye on him, but he was okay.

Victoria Bennion:

Luckily once we got in there, he was enjoying the film. It was more, he was

talking to me about the plot the whole way through and I was [00:05:00] like, say not too loud. So it was okay,

but after that he said he was never leaving the house again, so we were back

to, that's more of a normal pattern that I see unfortunately in his anxiety.

Victoria Bennion: He

did that, but there was absolutely no way he was contemplating leaving the

house. I actually started to feel quite sad at that point. I dunno what you

find, but after a really good spell, when that ends and it's back to how it

was, that almost hits harder

Victoria Bennion:

Maybe because you thought these things are easier. He's happier. This is great.

He

Natalie Tealdi: was

definitely, that was where we were at when we last spoke about summer holidays,

wasn't it,

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi:

mine's in the reverse that my son was doing so well at school and behaviors had

been so improved. And then we hit the holidays, and I wasn't expecting it this

time because things had been so good and there was [00:06:00]

a big decline out of the blue really, it felt and then I felt a bit annoyed

because I was like, thought we'd move past this. It goes in waves, doesn't it?

Victoria Bennion: And

even if you know that you still trick yourself, don't you,

Natalie Tealdi: I

dunno if that's like a coping mechanism.

Victoria Bennion: It

might be, something that we've talked about a lot and I did it again, I. Bought

into his emotion of his anxiety about September. I tried talking about it and I

actually think in this case it made it worse.

Victoria Bennion: We

were just talking about school, what we could do, and I think the focus on it

was making it worse for both him and me at that point. In the end I, I

basically had to pull myself together. I took a slower morning, one of the

mornings, I had last week off work, , in my business, I've got a client who

does emotional freedom tapping, which he did a demonstration on for me a little

while ago

Victoria Bennion: I

was really new to it. And when she did this [00:07:00]

tapping sequence.

Victoria Bennion: For

anyone who doesn't know you tap various places of your body, so your head, your

face, I think it was your collarbone and your arm, your hand. There's a certain

order to it, and then you say something. So I had to say in the test I did with

the client was even though I feel overwhelmed with all the tasks, I deeply love

and accept myself

Victoria Bennion: and

you say it over and over. And I don't know a lot about tapping.

Victoria Bennion:

I've only had that one demonstration with her, so I thought I'm gonna do that.

'cause that made me feel so much better last time. I did that over and over. I

listened to some positive tracks that I've got and 'cause I thought actually I

felt like I was being a bit childish.

Victoria Bennion: I

don't want it to be September. I love the summer 'cause it had been so good, so

carefree. I'd had so much more time and everybody had been so much happier. So

I think I did like pull myself together. And what we did was I suppose with

him, I ascertained what the [00:08:00] problems

were and I knew really what they were because on the last day of term, they

were given a new timetable for September, which is.

Victoria Bennion: Is

great really in that it's giving them chance to get used to it because if it

was the day of school, I would certainly be saying, that's awful. You can't do

that. It's had no time to prepare. But sometimes it has that reverse effect

where it creates a lot of anxiety too. It's like a catch 22, isn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: And

on the new timetable, there were new facilitators it just, it's different. It

looks different and that in itself is enough. And then you take that against

the fact that the summer holidays are his ideal. He's been very happy. He's had

none of the pressures that he feels, so there's the, all those elements. It was

mid August and so I said to him we are not gonna think and talk about this

every day. Until you go back. You have over two weeks left of your summer

holidays.

Victoria Bennion:

It's August. [00:09:00] And I felt like I

needed to set a clear boundary for his worrying. That makes sense. And I'm not

sure if that's the right thing to do, but I just didn't know how to stop his

mind, how to switch it off. There's nothing we can do about it in the summer holidays.

I reassured him that come September.

Victoria Bennion:

When the school is open, I will have a conversation and we will look at the

different ways that we can make this as easy as possible. They will be

flexible. It's a specialist school. They'll, they understand that he will be

anxious. He won't be the only one, and I need to think about what that could

look like for him.

Victoria Bennion: So

in my mind, I was thinking when there's been new facilitators before, what's

really helped him is to meet whoever it is with a trusted member of staff and

build up that relationship. And another thing could be that, you know, we [00:10:00] accept that we'll have to build up and he

may not be able to go in for the full day.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

That can be a slippery slope because sometimes if you set that expectation,

that quickly becomes the routine, and that's what I do.

Victoria Bennion: So

therefore I can't deviate from that routine. But that's something I can talk

about with them or see how he is on the day and we'll just judge it. So it was

trying to get him to trust that. We will do what's right for him. He won't be

forced into a situation that he can't cope with. It will be what he can cope

with until he feels better.

Natalie Tealdi: I

think that's great 'cause then he won't get too well, hopefully he won't get

too overwhelmed. He knows you've got his back, that you're supporting him.

You're not just gonna tell him to get on with it and

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, I.

Natalie Tealdi: stop

being silly.

Victoria Bennion:

Absolutely another things that I've done since then of to take off demands. So

I've taken away any pressure to do anything that wouldn't, [00:11:00] that he wouldn't be really excited to do.

I've just, we were meeting friends in Lime Regis, and that's. A few weeks ago,

he might have been able to do that. I know that it would've been a lot because

there's the travel, there's the being in a potentially busier place.

Victoria Bennion:

Meeting people you don't know too well, all those things would cause stress. So

he said he didn't want to go, so he didn't come. So those kind of things have

made the decision, no, no pressure. And then focusing on the things that he

does want to do because no left to his own devices. Right now, he, as he said,

he would just stay in his room and then that of course becomes, that's not

healthy.

Victoria Bennion:

That becomes the routine. That becomes what I do every day, which is then gonna

make returning to school harder and make, make leaving the house harder. So I

know from. Previous experience that isn't the full way to go, but he does need

more [00:12:00] downtime. So he has had more

time on his devices. He plays a lot with his friends.

Victoria Bennion:

He's been creating games. So I've been encouraging him to spend time doing what

he enjoys. He's been working on his coin collection , a friend of their family

had a massive load of coins that his mother had that they discovered. And my

son loves coin collecting and he likes looking at all the dates, ordering them.

Victoria Bennion: So

he's been doing that with his granddad, spending a lot of time doing that. And

then we're doing things like going to the beach, though we think we've lost the

weather now, but swimming . So things that he's excited to do. And less of what

he can't cope with. And we had about probably a week where he couldn't eat any

dinner.

Victoria Bennion: He

would eat other snacks. But nothing proper. So then what we've done is more

trips to McDonald's because for him, that's the food that he can eat fairly

comfortably. So we've had more trips to McDonald's to make sure that he [00:13:00] is getting some protein and

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

Just been really clear that we will cross each bridge as we come to it. We're

not at that bridge yet. That bridge is nowhere near we are gonna focus on the

here and the now.

Natalie Tealdi: I

dunno about you, but I feel like I need to leave notes for myself for next

time, for next year because I dunno, we're still, we are still figuring it out.

What works, what doesn't work? Be completely led by my son or, try to arrange

this. 'cause this holiday I did arrange some activities.

Natalie Tealdi: I

paid for some activities that are send friendly with people that he knows and

he couldn't cope with the idea of even going. So I...