Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Rachel Rider, author of Who You Are Is How You Lead, talks about getting in touch with how we want to show up for others. We discuss the power of self-regulation and somatic experiencing to help parents break free of ingrained patterns of interacting with their teens.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers often feels like navigating through a maze without a map. Whether it's constant reminders left unheeded, feelings of being underappreciated, or simply a disconnect in communication, many parents find themselves trapped in a cycle of unproductive patterns with their teenagers. But what if the secret to breaking these cycles begins with looking inward?In today's episode of Talking to Teens, we are exploring the power of self-awareness and transformation in parenting. Our habits, responses, and interactions with our teenagers often stem from deeper, unacknowledged patterns within us. But how do we begin to recognize these patterns, and more importantly, how can we change them?We're joined by Rachel Rider, an executive coach and the creator of the MetaWorks Method, a transformative process that promotes radical ease, spaciousness, and meaningful change in leadership and relationships. Rachel, also the author of "Who You Are Is How You Lead," brings her extensive insight into how parents can apply her methodology to foster a deeper connection with their teenagers.Understanding Your Internal DriversThe journey to transformative parenting begins with understanding your internal drivers—your deepest motivations for why you parent the way you do. Rachel shares how identifying these drivers can illuminate the patterns that govern our interactions with our teens. By aligning our parenting approach with our core desires and values, we can begin to interact with our teenagers in more meaningful and fulfilling ways.Recognizing and Disrupting PatternsPatterns in parenting aren't just about what we do; they're deeply tied to how we feel and react in certain situations. Rachel discusses how becoming aware of our physical responses and the thoughts that arise in challenging moments can reveal the patterns we need to address. Disrupting these patterns isn't about immediate change but about creating space to explore what drives our reactions and how we can approach situations differently.Fostering Connection through TransformationThe final piece of transforming our parenting approach involves nurturing new habits grounded in awareness and self-regulation. Rachel provides practical advice for parents on how to introduce change in their interactions with their teenagers, emphasizing the importance of patience, self-compassion, and ongoing reflection in the process.In The Episode...Our conversation with Rachel is packed with insights and actionable advice. Some additional topics we cover include:- The role of self-regulation in effective parenting- How internal conflicts can influence our reactions to our teenagers- Practical steps for identifying and changing unhelpful parenting patterns- The importance of aligning your parenting approach with your internal drivers- Tips for fostering a deep and meaningful connection with your teenagerRachel's approach to transforming parenting dynamics offers a fresh perspective on the challenges many parents face. By focusing on internal drivers and patterns, we can create a more fulfilling and connected family environment.Don't miss this enlightening discussion on how self-awareness and transformation can revolutionize the way you parent. Remember, the journey to better parenting begins with you. Listen to the episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into navigating the complex world of parenting teenagers.

Nick Gray, author of The Two Hour Cocktail Party, shares his journey from a shy person with social anxiety to building a robust social network. We discuss how to turn your house into a gathering place for your teen and their friends. Full Show NotesRaising teenagers often means your life becomes a rush of school runs, sports practices, and music recitals, leaving little room for your own social life. It's a challenge faced by many parents, where balancing personal and parental duties often leans heavily towards the latter. But what if you could reclaim your social life without sacrificing your parental responsibilities? What if there was a way to model positive social behaviors for your teens while enriching your network of friendships?This week, we dive into the art of maintaining and even flourishing your social life as you navigate the journey of parenting teenagers. Our compass for this expedition? None other than Nick Gray, a renowned author and the mind behind the transformative concept detailed in his book, "The Two-Hour Cocktail Party."Nick has sculpted a niche in social generosity and connectivity, transforming his insights into actionable steps for adults seeking to build meaningful relationships amidst their busy lives. His expertise isn't just about throwing parties; it's about weaving the fabric of a community, one gathering at a time. Nick's principles extend beyond mere recreational gatherings, offering a beacon for parents to exemplify balanced life lessons to their teens.Forging Connections Through HostingNick's approach demystifies the daunting task of hosting, breaking it down into manageable, step-by-step actions. By fostering environments where new connections thrive, parents can showcase the power of community and the importance of nurturing relationships. Nick reveals the secret sauce to his hosting formula, emphasizing the blend of structure and spontaneity that makes gatherings memorable and impactful.The Power of the Two-Hour PartyWhy two hours, and why on a weekday? Nick delves into the psychology behind the timing, explaining how constraint fosters both anticipation and participation. This format not only respects the busy schedules of attendees but also emphasizes quality interactions over quantity. It’s a lesson in respecting boundaries and making the most of the time we share with others—valuable lessons for teenagers watching their parents lead by example.Modeling Social Skills for TeenagersOne of the silent benefits of embracing Nick’s hosting philosophy is the indirect mentoring parents provide to their teenagers. As teens observe their parents navigate social planning, inclusive conversations, and the art of welcoming diverse groups of people into their homes, they absorb critical life skills. From icebreakers to closing conversations, these gatherings become live demonstrations of emotional intelligence in action.Topics Covered in the Episode:- Why parents should prioritize their social lives alongside their parenting duties- The unexpected advantages of hosting weekday gatherings- Using icebreakers to create a welcoming atmosphere and stimulate engaging conversations- Tips for creating an inclusive environment that encourages new connections- How parents hosting parties can serve as role models for their teens, teaching them valuable social skillsNick's insights are a reminder of the joy and fulfillment that come from nurturing our social lives, even in the midst of parenting. Discover more about Nick and his work at https://nickgray.net/ Don't miss this invigorating discussion on how to balance being a great parent with being a great friend and community member. Tune in, gather some tips for your next two-hour cocktail party, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening conversations.

Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, busts myths on perfectionism. Many people wear perfectionism as a badge of honor, but in reality it is a maladaptive behavior that can make parenting more difficult than it already is!Today's show contains a discussion on suicide. If you or a loved one is in crisis, please call the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800)-273-TALK or (800) 273-8255. You can also text them via Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741). All services are free, confidential and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's success-oriented society often pushes both parents and teens towards a relentless pursuit of perfection. Whether it's academic achievements, extracurricular activities, or social standing, the pressure to excel and maintain a 'perfect' image is ever-present. But what if the chase for perfection is doing more harm than good? And how do we differentiate between healthy ambition and harmful perfectionism?This week on Talking to Teens, we're delving into the world of perfectionism, balance, and the pressures faced by teenagers today. We are joined by Katherine Morgan Schafler, a seasoned therapist, speaker, and the insightful author of "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power". Katherine brings to the table a wealth of experience from her time as an on-site therapist at Google, and a deep understanding of the patterns of perfectionism observed in both the digital and real world.The Nuances of PerfectionismKatherine helps us unravel the often misunderstood concept of perfectionism. Far from being solely detrimental, perfectionism, according to Schafler, can be divided into adaptive and maladaptive categories. We explore how to recognize the signs of each and the two critical questions to constantly ask ourselves and our teens: "How are you striving?" and "Why are you striving?"Redefining BalanceOur conversation also tackles the modern notion of 'balance' and how it has morphed into an unrealistic expectation of excelling simultaneously in all areas of life. Katherine proposes a refreshing perspective on achieving balance - hint: it involves doing less, not more.The Power of Language in Suicide PreventionOne of the most poignant parts of our discussion centers around the sensitive subject of suicide - a leading cause of death among teenagers. Katherine highlights the importance of direct and open communication, and shares the "life-saving question" parents should not shy away from asking.Embracing Wholeness and CompassionLastly, we dive into the concept of 'perfection' from its etymological roots, asserting that being 'perfect' is about embracing our complete selves, flaws included. We also tackle the challenge of fostering self-compassion in teenagers, an essential tool for navigating the ups and downs of adolescence with resilience.In this Episode...- Distinguishing between adaptive and maladaptive forms of perfectionism- Understanding the real meaning of balance and how to achieve it- The importance of direct communication in suicide prevention among teens- Encouraging self-compassion and the acceptance of one's whole self in teenagers- Practical tips for parents to assist their teens in healthy striving and self-acceptanceIf you're navigating the complex journey of raising a teenager, seeking to understand the delicate balance between encouraging ambition and fostering well-being, this episode is for you. We delve deep into how to guide our teenagers towards a healthier, more compassionate approach to their personal and academic ambitions.Listen to the episode to gain valuable insights into nurturing a balanced, perfectionism-aware household and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more guidance on the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Drama Free, chats with us about how to break free from family drama and unhealthy relationship dynamics. We discuss practical tools for a variety of topics such as codependency, control battles, favoritism, and more!Full Show NotesSlammed doors, shouting, and angry tears—sometimes, it feels like every situation with our teens explodes into a dramatic outburst. This week I sat down with expert Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships. No one’s family is perfect, but there are tools for managing the imperfections in our families—and Nedra is here to help us! We cover how to start disengaging from family drama, and Nedra offers insights on how parents can create healthier relationships with their teenagers and between their teen and their teen’s siblings. One of the main topics we discuss is the impact of a parent's own upbringing on their relationships. Many of the wounds we carry from childhood can resurface in our relationships as adults, and it's essential to understand how these patterns can impact our parenting style. Tawwab notes that by reflecting on our own experiences and emotions, we can develop a more self-aware and empathetic approach to parenting. As parents, once we’re aware of our own mental and emotional programming, we can make a conscious effort to break old patterns. From codependency to favoritism to control battles, there’s a lot to cover this episode, so buckle up!Codependency Nedra and I talked about an issue that often flies under the radar because it’s not always so easily identifiable: codependency. Codependency is a term that has been around since the 1980s, but its meaning has evolved over time. Tawwab explains that codependency can manifest in many forms of dysfunctional patterns within a person, including emotional neglect or over-involvement in a sibling's life. As parents, it's vital to recognize when we are being codependent in our relationships. Nedra explained to me that when our children are young, it’s easy to fall into codependency patterns—they need us, of course we put off our needs. And, when kids are young, it’s rewarding to help fulfill their needs. But when our kids become teenagers, if we still tend to choose their needs over our own, it becomes more obvious that we’re codependent because parents reap different “rewards.” Instead of coos and smiles and hugs, we might receive mumbled “thanks” or “cool,” before our teen grabs the special lunch we made them and heads out the door. If there is a codependency pattern, teens may learn their parents will take care of everything for them—from laundry to homework to college admission applications, and maybe, teens might assume, paying their phone, rent, and utilities bill through and after college! Nedra suggests parents should also be on the lookout for codependency between siblings. It can be easy for an older sibling to take care of their younger sibling—sometimes it’s just faster if the older sibling does the chore or ties their siblings shoes. If parents notice this, they should intervene. They can ask their teen why they feel they need to help their younger sibling so much, and bring up codependency with their teen if it feels relevant. To prevent codependency in relationships with our teens, we can create boundaries that allow our teenagers to learn and grow through their experiences. We might also have to create boundaries so siblings do not become codependent as well. At first it might be uncomfortable and our teens will struggle. But they will be able to adapt. Parents may have to watch their teen stumble and fail sometimes, but it is important for a parent’s own well-being to stop codependent patterns from becoming permanent. To break free from codependency, Tawwab suggests coaching teens rather than doing things for them, and letting them make their own mistakes to learn and grow.FavoritismNedra and I also discussed the somewhat taboo subject of favoritism, and its effects on family dynamics. Favoritism can manifest in various ways, from subtle differences in attention and to overt displays of partiality, such as giving one child more privileges or resources than others. It can be unintentional or deliberate, but its impact on siblings can be profound. When one child feels favored over another, it can lead to feelings of jealousy, resentment, and low self-esteem in the less-favored child, while the favored child may develop a sense of grandiosity and a lack of empathy towards siblings and peers.It’s not shameful to have “favorites”—every child is different and some parents will find it easier to bond with one of their kids than the other. And certainly, as our kids grow and change, dynamics will shift. Maybe we spend more time with our older child lately because the younger sibling is so involved in her travel basketball. However, these dynamics, if not brought up by parents with their kids, can come across as favoring one siblin

Tom Vanderbilt, author of Beginners, discusses with us how parents can inspire their teenagers to be more confident in trying new things by being lifelong learners themselves. Turns out, being an expert beginner has its advantages!Full show notes As parents, it's easy to get into a rut of only doing things we're already good at, or activities we've been doing for years. Yet our teens are essentially beginners at everything. And sometimes it becomes difficult to encourage them to try new things. Being a beginner can get old quickly—it’s hard work!One of the biggest challenges parents may face is encouraging their teenager to step outside of their comfort zone. It's easy to get stuck in routines and habits, and teenagers are no exception. The problem is that this can lead to a lack of confidence in trying new things and can hinder their long-term growth and development. This can leave parents—who maybe haven’t been beginners in a long time—unsure of how to best help their teens.To understand this, I spoke this week with Tom Vanderbilt, author of Beginners: The Joy and Transformative Power of Lifelong Learning. As a parent himself, Tom found that he was spending a lot of time on the sidelines watching his daughter try new things and learn new skills. It wasn't until he realized that he wasn't doing the same for himself that he decided to become a beginner again. This sparked his journey into exploring the benefits of being a beginner and how it can positively impact parenting.In our interview, Tom points out it’s important for parents to get out of their ruts and try new things because they are the primary role models for their teenagers. If parents are stuck in their own ways and not willing to try new things, it sends a message to their teens that it's okay to do the same. On the other hand, if parents are willing to step out of their comfort zones and try new things, it shows their teens that it's never too late to learn and grow.Tom suggests a handful of perspectives and outlooks parents can try to help their teens try new things. First, embrace being a beginner. As parents, sometimes it feels like we have to have all the answers for our kids. But it's okay to not know everything and be a beginner. In fact, embracing being a beginner can be a positive experience for both parents and their teenagers. It can help parents model resilience and perseverance when faced with challenges, and show their teens that it's okay to struggle with something new.Secondly, Tom says parents can use being a beginner as an opportunity to bond with their teenagers. Taking on challenges together can be a fun and rewarding experience for both parties, and can help parents and teens build stronger relationships. It can also help parents understand the challenges their teenagers face when trying new things, and provide a supportive environment for them to grow and learn. Plus, mustering through a challenge together can create lasting memories and missteps to laugh about together later. Being a beginner is not only important for personal growth but also for parenting. By embracing being a beginner and taking on challenges together, parents can inspire their teenagers to be more confident in trying new things and can build stronger relationships with them.In the interview, we also discussed several other topics, including:The advantages of the beginner’s mindsetThe importance of the process over the outcome when learning something newWhy college students are like kindergartners How to leverage a growth mindset to overcome fear of failureIt was so fun speaking with Tom, and a blast to learn from Beginners of all kinds in his book! To follow along with what Tom is up to, check out links in his bio. Thanks for listening and we’ll catch you next week.

Meg Zucker, author of Born Extraordinary, busts myths about visible and invisible differences. She offers up language for how to speak to our teens about inclusivity and tips for parenting kids with differences.Full show notes Many parents want their teens to be compassionate citizens who care about people of all kinds. Others might Yet, it can be difficult to advise our teen on how to interact with people who are visibly different from us. We know people with differences are just as capable as anyone, yet sometimes it’s hard not to focus on the difference until that is all there is. We know there is more to someone than their difference—but how do we do better? To help us understand how to speak with our teens about differences, we spoke with Meg Zucker, author of the new book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences and Disabilities. Meg is the founder and president of Don't Hide It, Flaunt It, a nonprofit with the mission of advancing understanding and mutual respect for people's differences. She was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly, and has one finger on each hand, shortened forearms and one toe on each misshapen foot. Her two sons have the same condition and her adopted daughter has her own invisible differences. Meg, through parenting with her husband, running her non-profit, her own experiences, and in researching for her book, has become an expert in all things differences—visible and invisible. She offers new insights into sticking points for people with differences and how everyone can think differently about differences. The Urge to HelpMeg explains that, above all, we should keep in mind people with differences are people. People with differences are usually just as capable as ourselves, and often have already figured out how to navigate the world with their differences. She often has to field strangers asking if she needs help doing normal, everyday activities, like putting groceries in her cart, zipping up her coat, or opening doors. Meg wants others to know people with differences may struggle navigating certain aspects of life, but that they have a sense of pride to do it themselves, just like we do. Questioning “What should I do?” suggests we have to do something at all. Meg says this isn’t the best way to go about it. Sometimes the notion we have to do something, is to soothe our own feelings of discomfort or awkwardness about someone’s difference. The best way to interact with someone who has a difference is to first treat them as you would any person. Next, follow their lead. People with differences (or, all people for that matter) are living in their own version of normal, and so, they don't expect anyone to do anything. People living with differences aren’t constantly thinking about their differences—it’s not on their minds. Meg offers this advice for helping someone with a difference: observe first. It might seem a little creepy, but often after a moment, the person struggling will often figure it out. Take a breath before you are, what Meg labels a “Mighty Mouse” and say ask yourself, "Let me see if that person actually needs it." Usually, a person is ready for help when they start looking around for help. We can speak with our teens about this exact situation, and offer them Meg’s simple guidance for helping people with differences. The Pitfalls of Rules on How to Treat PeopleAt the same time, Meg encourages parents not to make ordinances about how to treat people with differences. When parents give their teens orders about how to treat others with differences, it takes away their inherent drive to be kind to others. Instead of a “could,” being kind becomes a “should,” and teens may resent being kind because it is not out of their own volition. And people on the receiving end of obligatory kindness don’t want to be resented. As an example of what she means, Meg shares a story about her son who was feeling down after his soccer teammates didn’t slap his hand after a game. He told his mom he believed the cause was how his hand looked. “They didn’t want to touch me,” he lamented. As heartbreaking as it was, Meg helped her son to see it in a different way. There could be many reasons why the other kids hesitated to slap his hand. Maybe they thought it would hurt him, or they didn’t want to draw attention to it, or they were just surprised. She suggested he make a game of it, and see how many slaps he got after the second game. Sure enough, her son exchanged some hand slaps with about half of his teammates after the next game, and varying numbers the rest of the season. If Meg had complained to the coach and insisted everyone always slap her son’s hand, she would have put her son in a position to receive resentment rather than genuine kindness. Similarly, if a parent makes a rule that their teen must always concede to a person with differences' demands, the teen may grow to have less empathy for people with differences as an adult. In the Episode…My conve

Michelle Mitchell joins us once again for a deep dive into the tween years—the topic of her new book Tweens. We explore cognitive development, body development, and the common skirmishes parents with tweens might face. It can be jarring to raise a tween. One day they are our cuddly kids, and the next day they seem to want nothing to do with us! They start saying our jokes are lame, our style is dated, and we just “don’t get it.” Full show notesThe tween years can be a contentious time for both parents and tweens. Our kids are taking the first steps into adulthood, and as scary as it might be for parents, for tweens it might feel awkward, uncomfortable, and lonely. Their bodies are changing and so are their brains. Tweens, in addition to developing more complex thinking, start experimenting with who they are. Hence why they might seem wildly different month to month, day to day, hour to hour! Tweens might argue more as the desire for autonomy peaks, and they might even practice lying. But it’s also an incredible experience for parents: they are witness to the extraordinary process of a young person figuring out who they are in the world. To help us untangle the confounding changes happening in the tween years, we’re joined by Michelle Mitchell, author of the new book Tweens: What Kids Need Now, Before the Teenage Years. Michelle Mitchell is an educator, author, and award-winning speaker who has conducted extensive research, surveying over 1,600 parents and 600 tweens, for her latest book. (We’ve spoken with her a few times before on the show about self harm and puberty.)In our conversation, Michelle walks me through the transition in tweens thinking, as well as how to talk to tweens about their emotions, confidence, same sex attraction, technology, body image, and lying. We will also explore how tweens and parents think differently about friends, plus the differences between concrete and complex thinking in tweens and how to support tweens in their cognitive development. Spiking AutonomyThe tween years for most kids are defined by a heightened desire for autonomy which might show up as more arguments, more omissions, and a general pull away from family life and toward other social groups. Fortunately, the need for autonomy peaks around age fourteen—it won’t last forever, and by keeping lines of communication with our tweens open, we can lessen the growing pains of autonomy. Michelle offers some insights she gleaned during research for the book to ease tensions caused by heightened need for autonomy. Michelle reminds us tweens are still looking for guidance from adults, but they might feel awkward about asking us. Just because a tween doesn’t ask their parents questions, doesn’t mean they don’t have any!Michelle shares with us the most commonly asked questions from tweens in conversations about puberty and sex—two topics the tweens she spoke with felt most uncomfortable about. Many tweens feel awkward about topics related to their own developing bodies. In knowing ahead of time what questions our tweens might have, parents can be prepared to bring up the topics if their teen doesn’t. At the same time, tweens will inevitably ask questions that parents might find awkward, basic, or uncomfortable. It's important to approach our curious tweens with compassion. Kids need to be taken seriously and given room to ask their questions free from judgment. Otherwise, parents risk sending the message that they can only handle certain topics of conversation. Keeping Communication FlowingThe tween years are full of experimentation with who one is and, let’s face it, a lot of self-consciousness! This increased wariness about others’ opinions, could mean teens share less with their parents for fear of being judged. And clamming up and self-isolating for people in general, but particularly with tweens, can lead to mental health issues beyond normal feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or sadness. If a tween comes to us with a big emotional claim, Michelle emphasizes the importance of validating tweens’ emotions. Even when a tween’s feelings seem out of proportion, validating and then seeking to understand how they’re feeling proves you can be trusted to listen without judgment. (Moreover, this approach helps tweens build their confidence in their own abilities to handle their emotions.)Michelle additionally emphasizes the importance of creating a supportive environment to encourage tweens’ exploration of who they are. Tweens are beginning to compare themselves to others more often and might give up on pursuits if they don’t feel they are the best at a skill. For example, maybe a teen really loves musical theater—but they couldn’t carry a tune if it was given to them in a bucket. We could encourage a teen to consider other ways to be involved in musical theater besides being on stage. There is set design, directing, music composition, theater management, box office ticketing—any could be an avenue for exploring what lights them up.

Jenn Granneman, author of Sensitive, chats with us about recognizing and connecting with our highly sensitive teens. We cover how to help sensitive teens better manage feelings of overwhelm and the right way to nudge them beyond their comfort zone.Full show notesWhen a teen slams a door after not getting their way, or bursts into tears at a throwaway comment, parents might feel like every interaction with their teen ends in hysterics. Other times parents might worry their sensitive teen will have trouble making friends or being in groups because they are easily overwhelmed. But sensitivity, shyness, and introversion are not flaws. It can be difficult for parents to see their teen struggling with sensitivity. They may feel frustrated or helpless, not knowing how to help their child. It can also be difficult for them to relate to their child's experience if they themselves are more extroverted and don't fully understand what it's like to be shy or introverted.Children who are sensitive may be at higher risk for anxiety and depression, and may struggle with social skills throughout their lives if they don't receive proper support. It's important for parents to help their child build confidence and develop social skills, not just for their immediate well-being but for their long-term success and happiness.To understand more about this topic, we spoke with Jenn Granneman, co-author of the book Sensitive: The Hidden Power of the Highly Sensitive Person in a Loud, Fast, Too-Much World, and founder of Introvert, Dear, a website and community for introverts. Jenn is an introvert herself and has struggled with shyness and social anxiety throughout her life. She has dedicated her career to helping other introverts embrace their true selves and thrive in a world that can sometimes feel overwhelming to them.Introverted, or Just Shy?To better understand shyness and introversion, Jenn Granneman explains the difference between the two. While shyness is a fear of social judgment, introversion is a preference for solitude and reflection. Jenn notes that shyness is often seen as a negative trait, but she argues that it is simply a personality trait like any other. However, shyness can lead to negative consequences such as missing out on opportunities and feeling isolated.Introversion, on the other hand, is often misunderstood as being shy, but it is not the same thing. Introverts can be confident and social, but they simply prefer to spend time alone or in small groups. Jenn notes that society often values extroversion over introversion, which can lead to introverts feeling like they don't fit in or are not as valued.Jenn emphasizes that shyness and introversion are not things that need to be "fixed" or "cured." Rather, it's important to understand and accept these traits in ourselves and others. By doing so, we can create a more inclusive and understanding society.To help parents understand their shy or introverted children, Jenn suggests paying attention to their child's behavior and respecting their boundaries. She notes that introverted children may need more alone time to recharge, while shy children may need more encouragement and support to face their fears.Supporting a Sensitive ChildSupporting a sensitive child can be challenging, but there are ways to help them thrive. By validating your child's feelings, creating a safe environment, teaching coping strategies, and seeking outside support when needed, parents can help their sensitive children thrive and lead fulfilling lives.First, it's important to validate their feelings and let them know it's okay to be sensitive. This can help them feel accepted and understood, which can boost their confidence. Creating a safe and comfortable environment at home is also crucial. Sensory-sensitive children may need a quiet space to relax, while socially-sensitive children may benefit from smaller social settings. It's important to respect your child's boundaries and not force them to do things that make them uncomfortable. Parents can also help their sensitive children develop coping strategies, such as deep breathing, visualization, and positive self-talk. Encouraging creative outlets, such as art or writing, can also be helpful for self-expression.Finally, it's important to seek outside support when necessary. A therapist or counselor can work with your child to develop coping mechanisms and build self-esteem, while support groups can provide a community of like-minded individuals who can offer advice and encouragement.In the Episode…I learned so much from my conversation with Jenn, and as an introvert I came away from our conversation with a better idea of my own needs as well as those of sensitive teens. In our conversation we also discuss:How to utilize loving detachmentThe different types of sensitivityWhat a relationship deficitThe right time to push a sensitive out of their comfort zoneIf you enjoyed Jenn’s contributions as much as I, you can find her on social media as w

Lisa Damour, author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, joins us to illuminate what's going on in kids’ heads when they're emotional. We talk about why teens sometimes seem to act irrationally, how we can teach them coping strategies, and what we can say when they’re shutting us out.Full show notesTeens are dealing with a lot–impending adulthood, changing bodies, rigorous schoolwork and a complicated social scene–it’s no wonder they’re emotional! As parents, it can be hard to help them manage all the ups and downs, especially when teens are screaming at us or locking their bedroom doors. This week, we're talking all about teen emotions: how to help them learn coping strategies, why they might be lashing out, and what’s really going on in their heads when they’re making mountains out of molehills.Joining us is psychologist and author Lisa Damour, to talk about her recent book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable and Compassionate Adolescents. Lisa has been recognized as a thought leader by the American Psychological Association, cohosts the Ask Lisa podcast, writes about adolescence for the New York Times, appears as a regular contributor at CBS News, and maintains her own clinical practice! In our interview, we’re talking about the two different kinds of reasoning teens apply when making a decision, gendered differences in teen’s emotional coping mechanisms, and how we can connect with kids, even when it seems like they want nothing to do with us.Hot vs. Cold ReasoningIn the episode, Lisa explains how teens typically oscillate between two kinds of reasoning. Cold reasoning occurs when teens are using their logical rational mind to make a decision, while hot thinking typically refers to their thought process when they’re in emotionally or socially charged situations. While they may reach one conclusion when they’re using cold reasoning, that conclusion might just fly out the window when a situation gets much more emotional or social.For example, teens often tell us they’re not going to drink or smoke, that they’re going to stay in and study, that they’re not going to waste time dating someone when they want to focus on the future. But later, when they’re at a party or riding in a car with their friends or seeing their crush at a social gathering….they might not make the same choice they swore by earlier! For teens whose brains are still developing and who often make decisions based on social pressures, these two kinds of thinking often end up in conflict with one another.To make sure teens stick to their rational decisions, Lisa suggests we present them with the hot situation while they’re still in a cold state of mind. Try walking them through the whole party scenario while you’re alone together in the kitchen, hours before the party starts. Doing this can help ensure that your teen will still behave rationally when they’re placed in an emotionally, socially charged situation.Teens don’t just need strong reasoning to handle the perils of high school, they also need to know how to cope when things go awry. Lisa and I are talking about how we teens tend to fall into gendered patterns of coping, and how we can help them find more effective methods.Cultivating Better Coping MechanismsFrom a young age, kids are often conditioned to follow certain practices for emotional management, and typically these are shaped by their gender, says Lisa. Boys are taught to push through tough times by using distractions like sports, video games or work. Girls are typically taught to use their words to describe what they’re going through, and are socialized to have a vocabulary to describe emotions. This leads to patterns later in life: boys acting out or hurting others to cope, girls developing conditions like depression and anxiety, Lisa explains.Boys are also often struggling with self esteem during puberty, as girls are typically developing faster. This applies to both minds and their bodies, with girls often beating boys out in the classroom as well as in sports. This can be tough on boys' self esteem, and is often the reason why they’re so mean to girls. Lisa even explains that this frustration in boys can often lead to the earliest occurrences of things like sexual harassment and assault. To fix these complicated gender discrepancies, Lisa explains how we can help kids develop healthy coping mechanisms and self esteem. For boys, a sense of value in adolescence can come from doing service work or cultivating a skill. For kids of all genders, music can be a healthy way to both work through and escape from the tough feelings of teenage life. As parents, we might want to just jump in and solve problems for our kids, but Lisa explains that we’ve got to help them learn to manage their feelings on their own.If we want teens to learn to handle their emotions, we’ve got to get through to them first! Lisa and I talk in the episode about how we can connect to teens, even when they seem to want nothing to do

Holly Geyer, author of Ending the Crisis: Mayo Clinic’s Guide to Opioid Addiction and Safe Opioid Use, joins us to shine light on the ways the opioid crisis might affect our teens. We discuss the effects of opioids on the body, how we can detect if teens are using them, and what we can say to teens who might be at risk for opioid addiction.Full show notesMany of us picture drug addiction as a vague threat, something that might be a possibility for an unhoused person or party animal but never for our own kids. When we hear concerns about the opioid crisis, we might wave it off as a problem that most likely could never affect us. We typically think that even if kids party a little,–say, experiment with marijuana or alcohol-that they’ll probably come out on the other end just fine.But what we don’t realize is just how susceptible our kids are to opioid use. Nowadays, traces of opioids are found in marijuana, cocaine, or even candy. They’re in millions of medicine cabinets, available on the streets in alarming quantities, and have been prescribed to nearly a third of adults in the United States. If we want our kids to stay safe from the opioid crisis, it’s time to educate ourselves–and our kids.To help us wrap our heads around the severity of this crisis, we’re talking to Holly Geyer, author of Ending the Crisis: Mayo Clinic’s Guide to Opioid Addiction and Safe Opioid Use. Holly is an addiction medicine specialist at the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix, Arizona, where she leads the Arizona Opioid Stewardship Program. She’s served on several Arizona department of health subcommittees, works with a number of organizations to raise opioid awareness, and lectures nationally on opioid addiction and safe opioid prescribing.In our interview, we’re explaining what opioids are and how they affect the human body. We also discuss how we can look for signs of opioid abuse in our kids, and what we can say to kids who might be at risk of an opioid addiction.What Parents Need to Know About OpioidsAs an opioid expert, Holly is often asked: what’s the difference between opioids and opiates? In the episode, she explains that opiates are derived from the poppy plant, while opioids are synthetically created to mimic the effects of opiates. To the average person, the terminologies are basically interchangeable, she explains. It is important to remember, however, that opioids are often created in illicit environments, meaning that they’re usually not regulated and could be a lot more dangerous than opiates, Holly says.These “painkillers” cause a sense of euphoria and often make us feel as though our troubles are slipping away–until they stop working and our body begins to crave more and more. As our usage grows, so does our tolerance, explains Holly. If taken exactly as prescribed, we might be relatively safe from the serious threat of addiction, but if we crush and snort it, inject it or take more than we’re supposed to, the results can be deadly. In fact, opioids are now the leading cause of death for people under 45.How can taking opiods be fatal? Overdose, explains Holly. Overdose occurs when an individual consumes so much of an opioid that they become overly sedated, to the point where they forget to breathe, she says. If you suspect someone is taking opiods and they seem sleepy, cold or unintelligible in their speech, they might be overdosing. In the episode, Holly and I lay out a number of actions we can take if we’re presented with an overdosing individual–including an immediate dial of 911 and a dose of naloxone.It’s pretty clear that opioid addiction is not something we’d want to encounter, especially in our own families. But how can we actively work towards preventing these tragic outcomes? Holly explains in the episode.How To Tell If Your Teen is At RiskTeen opioid addiction is no joke. Rates of teen opioid use are skyrocketing, Holly explains. If your teen starts using young, has a history of meddling with other substances, deals with mental health issues or experiences chronic pain, the risk is even higher. Even if you’ve never brought prescription opioids into the house, kids are often exposed when trying a different drug that happens to be laced. So how can we look out for signs that teens are using opioids before it’s too late?Holly explains that teens who are using opioids might typically start to become a bit more withdrawn. They may start to appear less engaged in school or other daily activities, and then they may start stealing or disappearing for long periods of time, says Holly. That’s when parents may find drug paraphernalia hidden in their sock drawer. Another indicator is the kind of company they keep; if they seem to be hanging around a sketchier crowd, she recommends watching their behavior even more closely.If you’ve got extra opioids lying around in your cabinet that you’re storing for safe-keeping, Holly explains that it’s time to get rid of them. Maybe they were prescribed for a surgery or an injury and there

Rick Hanson, author of Making Great Relationships, shares how we can create more open, positive communication with teens. We discuss why teens are so moody, how parents can become better communicators, and the importance of emotional regulation when teens push our buttons.Full show notesIt doesn’t take long for a disagreement with teens to turn into a full-fledged battlefield. One minute, you’re just trying to ask about their day, the next they’re saying they hate you and slamming the door in your face. And no matter how much we resolve to make our interactions calmer and more productive, we seem to get stuck repeating the same drama over and over again.If we want to break free from this cycle, we have to find new ways to communicate with our kids. This requires us to go past the surface level and dive into how kids are really feeling-and what they really mean when they say “I hate you.”To help us escape from the cycle of miscommunication, we’re talking to Rick Hanson, author of multiple bestselling books, including the most recent, Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love. Rick is a psychologist, Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, and the founder of the Global Compassion Coalition and the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom.In our interview, we’re talking about why teens are so harsh in their communication with parents–and what they're really trying to do when they're hurling insults at us. Plus, how parents can be less reactive when kids are pushing our buttons.The Truth About Teen AngstTeenagers in TV, movies, and popular culture are often depicted as rude and rebellious–could our media be normalizing teen angst? This cultural conditioning definitely contributes to teens’ attitudes, says Rick. Teens are also generally hardwired to be selfish, he explains, and since their biological development isn’t quite complete, and they’ve still got some empathy left to learn. If you feel like teens are behaving selfishly, it likely isn’t because they’re inherently self-absorbed, it’s teenagers as a whole. It can be helpful to remember that, and not take things too personally, says Rick.Behind our teen’s anger, they’re usually hurting, says Rick. Being a teen is no easy task, and our kids might be feeling lost or upset without any way to express their feelings. We expect teens to sit through school all day, ignore many of their most tempting pleasurable pastimes, and push them towards far-off careers that they may not even want. All of this combined with bullying, mental health issues, eating disorders, and the perils of social media can be pretty overwhelming, explains Rick. It might be wise to keep all this in mind the next time we think kids are being unreasonably moody, Rick says.In the episode, Rick explains how we can use empathy and imagination to reach kids instead. By attempting patience and open communication, we can create a more communicative environment where concerts and feelings are talked about in a real way, Rick explains. Intention is important, especially when it comes to interpreting teens behavior. If we assume they’re intending to offend us or bring us down, then we’ll retaliate, and the cycle of negativity continues.So how can we as parents react more patiently when kids are being difficult? Rick and I discuss how we can improve your communication in the episode.Creating Better CommunicationOne way we can foster positive communication with our teens is by embracing vulnerability, says Rick. Sometimes it can be challenging to find the right level of honesty without oversharing or losing our parental authority, but if we want to have open communication, parental vulnerability is key, he explains. If we tell them how their behavior makes us feel, they might start to understand the consequences that their words can have, or become more aware of the fact that you’re not their enemy, says Rick.Sometimes, we’ve also just got to get to the bottom of what kids need, and find a way to create a compromise with them. When they’re begging us for permission to go to a party where underage drinking and other shenanigans are bound to take place, Rick encourages us to listen and understand what they really want: to fit in, feel popular, and have fun. He suggests that we maybe let them go, so long as they promise to come home at a certain hour, prove that there’s someone to drive them safely to and from, or whatever we feel comfortable with as a parent.No matter what, being criticized by teens is inevitable, and it's just something parents pretty much have to live with, Rick explains. We can’t control what teens say to us, but we can control how we react, he says. At the end of the day, we might actually feel grateful to teens for their criticism, as it’s a preferable alternative to being totally cut off. In the episode, Rick pulls from his experiences as a family therapist to share why teens en

Joe Keohane, author of The Power of Strangers, joins us to discuss the many benefits of starting a conversation with a stranger. We talk about why we’re often so afraid to talk to people on the bus or at a coffee shop, and what to say to spark a connection with someone we’ve never met.Full show notesHow many strangers do you encounter on a daily basis? Riding public transport, ordering a coffee, hanging out at the bar–these simple tasks require us to chat with people we’ve never met. As naturally social creatures, humans have the potential to make friends with each and every stranger we meet, and would probably be happier if we did! But instead, we pull out our phones, put on our earbuds and try not to make eye contact.We’re afraid to talk to strangers, but why? And how much better might life be if we took the time to talk to strangers more often?To find out the answer, we’re talking to Joe Keohane, author of The Power of Strangers: The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World. Joe is a journalist who’s worked at Medium, Esquire, Entrepreneur, and Hemisphere. His work has also been featured in New York Magazine, The Boston Globe, The New Yorker, Wired, and more!In our interview, we’re talking about why people are so hesitant to talk to strangers, and how we can foster positive conversations with people we’ve just met. Plus, what we can gain from starting up a chat with the guy next to us on the subway or the girl taking our order.The Truth About “Stranger Danger”Most of us (and our kids) were taught never to talk to strangers. Our parents and teachers warned us of the dangers of speaking with unknown adults or people we don’t trust. Joe calls this “stranger danger propaganda” and explains that this concept is statically baseless. In fact, 90% of the time, crimes like assault, murder or kidnapping happen at the hands of someone we already know. As long as we’re savvy about it, talking to strangers is typically a lot safer than we realize, Joe says.We also tend to assume that other people are busy, stressed, or simply don’t want to talk to us. This assumption is also typically wrong, says Joe. In our interview, we discussed several experiments in which researchers encouraged study participants to talk to strangers on the subway or other public places. Most of the time, these initiated interactions were overwhelmingly successful, to the surprise of the participants. And when researchers surveyed them afterwards, most participants said the interaction with a stranger brightened their day or made them actually enjoy a dreaded commute.In the episode, Joe explains how younger people are often the most afraid of talking to strangers. This is because they’re used to chatting online or through text, where they can control the terms of the conversation. They can choose not to respond, think about what to say, re-read and edit responses before sending. While those functions can be useful for digital communication, they make it a bit harder to communicate in real life. In fact, young people are statistically the loneliest and often feel much more isolated, explains Joe.Talking to strangers is not only a lot safer than we think, but also has a multitude of benefits. In our interview, Joe and I are discussing all the ways we can benefit from talking to strangers.The Benefits of ConnectingDespite our typical routine of ignoring each other on the bus or in the grocery store, humans are actually incredibly social creatures, Joe says. We’re inherently much more capable of forming and keeping relationships than other animals, and are much happier when we have a sense of community and belonging with others. Speaking with those who are from different generations, racial groups or identities can be great for us as well, Joe says, as it allows us to broaden our perspectives and understand the complexities of others.Our evolutionary social mechanisms are shown through research, Joe explains. Many psychologists philosophize that talking with someone you’ve never met can spike oxytocin in the brain-the chemical associated with social bonding and connecting to others. In fact, many studies show that talking with strangers can help us resolve or avoid falling into mental illness, by helping us feel more optimistic and less isolated. Talking with strangers can have cognitive benefits as well. In the episode, Joe explains how discussing anything with an unknown person requires our brain to work hard, synthesize new information and reevaluate your perspective on certain subjects. This can be great for our executive function, and allows us to only get better at meeting new people in the future.Even when we’re aware of all the benefits, talking to a random person can still be pretty challenging. To help, Joe and I are sharing some strategies you can employ to make socializing with strangers a little easier.Starting the ConversationIf you want to foster communication with a stranger, Joe suggests starting by offering up a piece of inform

David Mura, author of The Stories Whiteness Tells Itself, illuminates the realities of modern-day racism. We talk about the danger of avoiding race discussion, changing school curriculums to accurately address racism, and talking to our teens about race.Full show notesRacism is one of the world’s oldest and most complicated topics. With centuries of genocides, segregation, and colonization leading up to the systemic inequalities of the modern day, there’s no easy way to sit kids down and teach them about it all. The intensity and intricacy of the topic means that parents just don’t talk about racism at all–which only leads to more injustice and ignorance in the next generation.Education is key, but where do we even start? What’s important to cover, and how can we explain the nuances of race relations with kids who are still shaping their ideas about the world?To help us educate kids, we’re sitting down with David Mura, author of The Stories Whiteness Tells Itself: Racial Myths and Our American Narratives. David is a memoirist, essayist, novelist, poet, critic, playwright and performance artist. As a third generation Japanese American, he’s often written about his own relationship with race, along with American society’s complicated relationship with systemic racial injustice.In our interview, Daivid is explaining how we can adjust our definition of racism to be more accurate, and why we shouldn’t avoid talking about race. We also discuss how schools can adopt better methods for teaching kids about race, and how we can have conversations about race at home.Why We Need to Talk About RaceWhen we talk about racism, we often describe explicitly racist concepts or behavior–like actively segregating environments or using slurs. In reality, racism can be a lot more nuanced and implicit, especially in today’s world, says David. Someone who doesn’t identify as racist can still exhibit racial preferences–and in fact most of us do, he explains. If we want to teach kids about racism, we’ll have to adjust our definition to include a more complicated range of behaviors.Even worse than oversimplifying racism is not even talking about it at all, sayd David. Refusing to discuss race is pretty common in our society, especially among white people, he explains. In our interview, David and I talk about how we often don’t talk to kids about race because we’re scared it will overwhelm them or make them feel bad. This is typically true for white families, David says, who don’t want kids to feel shame about the historical actions of white people. But by not teaching kids about racism, we’re allowing them to live in ignorance–and denying them the truth.Plus, the shame or guilt white folks often feel about racism in the past or present isn’t productive, says David. Instead, he believes it should be replaced by knowledge and responsibility. By learning about what’s happened in the past and what’s still going on today, parents and kids can be better advocates for equality. Responsibility means choosing to actively work against racism in any way we can, he says. In the episode, David and I talk about all the psychological steps white individuals often go through as they learn to process the ways racism shapes modern-day society.Talking about race is important–and we should be doing it in schools, David says. In the episode, we’re also talking about the role school can play in helping kids understand racial discrepancies.Racial Education in SchoolsYou may have heard the term “critical race theory” thrown around, but David explains that most schools aren’t really having kids contemplate race in a layered sense. Instead, many schools are simply teaching kids about the history of racism and breaking down the ways our society maintains racial biases in everyday life.This definitely seems like something kids should know, right? David says that it’s unfortunately not that simple. Many people still feel uncomfortable having white children learn about the nuances of racism in American society, and want this curriculum banned from schools. In the episode, David and I talk about how certain politicians have made a very concentrated effort to stop kids from learning about race in school, even when it provides necessary context for how the Civil War started or why kids have Martin Luther King Jr. Day off.In our interview, David and I talk about how we need to adjust the curriculum for students of color as well. Many times, these students take cues about their race from the world around them, and aren’t taught to think about how and why these stereotypes might be wrong. For example, David explains that many black students internalize ideas about black men being involved in crime or violent activity, and start to think they’re destined to fulfill the stereotype. If we want kids to grow up happy and healthy, we’ve got to set the record straight and remind them that stereotypes like these don’t define them.If we really want kids to learn about racism in

Denis Murphy, author of The Blame Game, joins us to discuss the ways we often blame ourselves or our kids for things we can’t control. We also discuss the importance of staying in touch with our emotions and practicing self-honesty.Full show notesBlame is one of humanity’s oldest coping mechanisms. When things go wrong, we’re quick to point a finger at someone and declare that it’s their fault–creating war, political division, and heartbreak as a result. Not to mention that half the time we’re pointing the finger at ourselves, which typically only leads to self-loathing and insecurity.The truth is, blaming someone or something for our issues isn’t going to make them go away. If we really want to confront our problems, heal our traumas and live better we’ve got to stop blaming and start accepting.This week, we’re talking to Denis Murphy, author of The Blame Game: How to Recover from the World's Oldest Addiction. Denis is a coach and healer who’s worked with companies, families and individuals all over the world. His practices focus on helping people stop blaming themselves or others for misfortune in their life, and instead learn to harness their mental and physical wellness to create the life they want.In our interview, we’re talking about why parental expectations can lead us to blame kids when things go wrong. We also discuss how suppressing our negative thoughts can cause mental and even physical pain, and break down the importance of self honesty.The Blame GameOne overarching cause of blame is labels, explains Denis. When we attach labels to people like “boss,” “mom,” “best friend, or “boyfriend,” we’re also attaching expectations to go with them. These expectations rarely come from reality, but instead from TV, Hollywood, or other people’s families, says Denis. When people inevitably fail to live up to our unrealistic expectations, we get upset, and blame them for not behaving exactly as we hoped. This is often the cause of family disputes, Denis explains. We want kids to behave in a way that meets our expectations of who kids are supposed to be, and they want us to act like the perfect parents. Of course, this doesn’t happen, and both parents and kids feel mutual disappointment in the other. And although it might seem like we’re frustrated with our kids, what we’re actually upset about is the label, Denis says.In the episode, Denis and I also talk about physical and emotional stress, and how it plays a role in familial blame. When we’re coming home from a long day of work and we’ve spent the whole day keeping a lid on our emotions, we’re bound to boil over and start blaming kids for anything that goes wrong. It becomes a cycle Denis says, with our stress multiplying and our blaming habits growing as a result.Things don’t have to be this way, however. In the episode, Denis and I are talking about how we can start to work through and accept our negative feelings instead of playing the blame game.The Power of AcceptanceOne of the most common ways we deal with life’s disappointments is by blaming ourselves. Denis explains that this practice is often encouraged by those who preach self-discipline or self-improvement. We’re taught not to be a victim, not to let life walk all over us, and to power through every obstacle without flinching. But if we don’t face our feelings, we’ll end up exhausted and burnt out, Denis says. This is especially true for teens who might be overwhelmed with the stress of approaching adult life and managing the expectations of adolescence.Instead of burying our negative thoughts and emotions, Denis encourages us to be in touch with them. As he explains in the episode, our thoughts help us figure out where our physical body is holding anxiety, fear and stress. If we can observe the ways these thoughts manifest themselves in our physical being, we can take the first steps towards healing our mental and even physical ailments. In the episode, Denis explains how mental and emotional anguish can sometimes even cause us to injure ourselves!Accepting our thoughts instead of judging them is important if we want to reach inner peace. Denis explains. In our interview, we talk about how nature exists without blame, unapologetically changing with the seasons. If we want the same sense of peaceful acceptance for ourselves, we’ve got to start with being aware of our thoughts and emotions–and this goes for both parents and teens.To truly be in touch with our feelings, we’ve got to be honest with ourselves. In the episode, Denis and I are breaking down all the ways self-honesty can change your life.How to Practice Self-HonestyBeing honest with ourselves about every thought and emotion is not easy, says Denis. It’s much easier to control or avoid what we feel! As we go through life, we’re constantly suppressing our emotions, so much so that many of us stay in bad marriages, become addicted to substances, or do other extreme things simply to cope. As we do this, we create a gap between the person we

Terry Real, author of Us, comes on the show to discuss the importance of healthy conflict in family relationships. We also talk about why parents should encourage boys to be in touch with their emotions and debate the dangers of protecting kids’ feelings.Full show notes For many of us, a perfectly harmonious home sounds like a dream. We’d love it if teens came home by curfew, our advice was always graciously accepted, and conflict was totally nonexistent. We’d never have to stress about what to make for dinner or worry about who our kids are hanging out with. Everything would be perfect and easy…right?As nice as harmony sounds, it’s simply unrealistic–and not necessarily beneficial either. In fact, psychologists (like the one we’re interviewing today) believe that conflict and disagreement are essential to building strong, nuanced, durable relationships with our kids. Without conflict, there’s no repair. Without repair, relationships never grow and evolve.To explain how parents can embrace disrepair and negative emotions in relationships, we’re sitting down with Terry Real, author of Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Terry is a world-renowned family therapist, speaker, and author of multiple other bestselling books about relationships. He’s also the founder of the Relational Life Institute, where he offers workshops for parents, individuals and couples. He also holds professional training for clinicians to adopt his unique relational life therapy method.In this episode, we’re talking about how conflict is essential to building strong bonds with kids. Plus, we discuss a concerning parenting phenomenon called false empowerment, and explain why parents need to encourage sensitivity in boys.How Embracing Conflict Leads To HarmonyRelationships are never perfect–and they shouldn’t be, according to Terry. Parents shouldn’t feel bad about having conflicts with kids, and should even encourage a little disagreement sometimes. We’re only human, says Terry, and we’re bound to bump heads. It’s the reconciliation after disagreement that really forms the backbone of a strong relationship, he explains. In fact, for teens to have healthy emotional processing in adulthood, they really only need to get along with parents about 30% of the time, Terry says. We don’t have to provide kids with a perfect upbringing–we just have to be human, he explains. If we can bounce back from the discord and survive all the complications of our natural human flaws, we can create strong bonds with our kids.But how do we find that resolution when conflict arises? Terry explains a few different methods in the episode. One includes providing kids with a path to redemption, no matter how much we want to ground them into eternity. If we discipline them without offering them a way to redeem themselves, we’re not giving them the chance to really learn and change their behavior. In the episode, Terry tells a story about how his own son found a path to reconciliation after refusing to do his chores.Another thing we shouldn't be afraid to do is criticize our kids, Terry says. In the episode, we talk about how we can help our kids develop healthy self esteem by allowing them to fail and struggle.Confidence vs. Self-EsteemWe want kids to be confident; there’s no question about that. So we encourage them, giving them as much positive reinforcement as possible. But sometimes we go a little too far, explains Terry. In our quest to give kids high self-esteem, we might just leave them with the impression that they can do no wrong–grandiosity, as Terry calls it.This feeling of superiority acts as an opposite to shame, which is what happens when kids don’t get enough encouragement, Terry says. Disempowering kids and making them feel worthless leads to shame, while refusing to let kids fail, struggle or take criticism can lead to grandiosity. And while shame might seem like the worst of the two, a superiority complex can be very damaging to teens as they try to swim in the adult world, says Terry. If we strike the right balance with our encouragement, we can avoid cultivating both shame and grandiosity in our kids, he explains. In our interview, Terry shares a tale that helps us understand how parents can bring kids down a notch when needed. When his son had a playdate with a friend but spent the entire time ignoring the friend's wishes, Terry took his kid aside and told him the truth: that the friend seemed miserable through the whole interaction. Although this hurt his son’s feelings, Terry explained that when we invite someone into our lives, we have to make room for their needs and feelings too. These kinds of lessons are an essential part of making sure we raise kids with healthy self-esteem.Despite the tough love, Terry also believes we need to help kids–especially boys–embrace their sensitivity. In the episode, we’re talking about how we can raise boys who don’t suppress their feelings.Raising Sensitive BoysIt’s not just paren

Ron Fournier, author of Love That Boy joins us to discuss the impact of parents' expectations. We also break down why parents can become concerned with kids' popularity, and discuss what Ron learned about fatherhood from American Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama.Full show notesWe love our kids and want to see them grow into the best version of themselves–but this can sometimes lead us to put some heavy expectations on their shoulders. We hope so intensely that they’re academically brilliant, a star athlete, popular, or well-read that we don’t make space for them to just be who they are!This can feel especially hard when our kids start to venture outside the confines of a “perfect” child. Maybe their sexual or religious preferences aren’t what we hoped for. Maybe they’re diagnosed with mental illness or designated as being at-risk. Maybe they just don’t want to follow the plan we so carefully laid out for them from birth! Whatever it is, we as parents have got to learn to respect our kid’s identities and accept them for who they are-no matter how tough it can be sometimes.To share his own personal journey of acceptance and help us understand ours, we’re talking to Ron Fournier, dad and author of Love That Boy: What Two Presidents, Eight Road Trips, and My Son Taught Me About a Parent's Expectations. Ron is a political journalist who’s covered the campaigns and presidencies of Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama. His line of work led him towards a more personal journey with his son, Tyler–a journey he’s here to talk about today.In our interview, Ron and I are talking about why parents tend to pile so many expectations on kids, and how they can move towards acceptance instead. We also discuss the toxic practice of counting our kids' friends, and Ron describes what he learned about fatherhood from Presidents Clinton, Bush and Obama!How Expectations Can Be HarmfulWe only want this best for kids…but sometimes we take our expectations a little too far, says Ron. As an avid sports lover, Ron always hoped his son would be interested in athletics too, so much so that he filled his son's nursery with sports memorabilia! This desire to connect to his son through sports continued as his son grew into a teenager, until Ron finally accepted that would never be an athletic kid. Ron didn’t come to this conclusion easily, however, and many parents have the same problem with acceptance.Ron explains that this need to control kids’ lives often comes from our own anxieties about life and death. We so desperately hope that teens carry on our legacy or fulfill our unresolved dreams that we start planning their lives before they even exit the womb! But we need to step away from this practice, Ron explains, and let kids carve their own path. In the episode, Ron explains how his son’s autism diagnosis helped him find a new perspective and stop enforcing his own expectations on his son.Neurodivergence isn’t the only unexpected thing our kids might present us with. Sometimes kids reject the religion we raised them in, or want to pursue a career path we don't approve of. Maybe we don’t like their romantic partner or simply feel that they aren’t reaching our standards in school, athletics or music. While we’re wasting time stressing over this, Ron explains, we’re missing out on getting to know our kids for who they truly are. Instead of trying to teach them how to be, Ron believes we should learn from our kids about how to live our own lives.One way parents try to measure their kids against a quota is by monitoring their popularity. Ron and I discuss how this problematic behavior is unfortunately common and why we should avoid it.The Pressure to Be PopularIt can be scary when we feel like kids don’t fit in. Life will always be easier for those who swim easily in social settings, and who find acceptance within their pack. As loving parents, we hope that our kids will be able to make connections and friendships to survive in both the working world and their personal lives. But sometimes this desire for kids to fit in can become toxic, says Ron, and cause us to do things like count how many friends our teen has.This urge to reduce friendships to quantity doesn’t necessarily come from a bad place, but can be harmful, Ron explains. Friendships should instead be measured by quality, he says. This is especially true in today’s day and age, where teens are often so wrapped up in how many likes and followers they have that they forget to honor the real benchmarks of friendship, like connection, kindness and mutual respect. Teens should strive for the kind of friends who stick with them through thick and thin and encourage them to be their best selves, says Ron–and the quantity isn’t important!Needing kids to be popular and well-liked is just another way we often pressure kids to be high achievers…but it’s all sort of contradictory! In the episode, Ron and I discuss how our desire for kids to be popular can often be at odds with our h

Decision-making expert Eric J Johnson, author of The Elements of Choice, joins us to discuss how our choices are often influenced by external forces without our knowledge. He also describes different kinds of decision-making and explains how memory affects our choices.Full show notesWe make thousands of choices every day–what to eat, what to wear, which email to send first, even how much creamer to put in our coffee. It might seem like we’re making these choices of our own accord, but we often don't realize how many forces are influencing each and every choice we make. Everything from corporate marketing to peer influence can shape our decisions in profound and surprising ways!This is especially true for teenagers, who are making some early and important decisions like where to go to college or what career to commit to. If we want teens to make smart choices, we’ll have to teach them to spot all the ways their decisions are being influenced by those around them.To help us understand how external forces affect our decision-making process, we’re talking to Eric J. Johnson, author of The Elements of Choice: Why the Way We Decide Matters. Eric is a Professor of Business and Director of the Center of Decision Studies at Columbia Business School. He’s also the President of the Society for Judgment and Decision Making and The Society for Neuroeconomics at Columbia! An expert on the science of decision-making, Eric is here to help us understand the nuanced influences that affect every choice we make.In our interview, we’re discussing the different kinds of decision-making and their advantages. We also break down the way external factors influence our choices, and the significance of memory in our decision-making.Why do we each make unique choices, and what are the consequences? These are just a few of the questions Eric asks in his research as he attempts to learn more about the decision-making process. In our interview, he lays out two common types of analysis: integrative and comparative.Integrative decision-makers take in the whole picture, ingesting and evaluating all the details and analyzing every bit of information. In contrast, comparative thinkers tend to look at the most essential component of each choice, and make a decision based on that comparison. To help us understand, Eric describes an experiment in which participants were offered forty dollars immediately or fifty dollars if they could wait a while. Integrative thinkers might measure the availability of the forty dollars over the time spent waiting for the extra ten, and choose to walk away with forty. Comparative thinkers may simply see the dollar amounts and pick the higher one, he says, waiting for the fifty.How does this play out for teenagers? Eric explains that these are common methods of decision-making when it comes to choosing a college. Some teens might use integrative reasoning to evaluate the whole experience–student body size, campus environment, quality of facilities–while comparative thinkers might just compare the stats of the school’s post-grad employment rates or cost of attendance. If you want your teen to think one way or the other, it might be best to push them in the direction of integrative or comparative thinking.These choices aren't made in a vacuum, however, and there are plenty of influences on our decisions. Eric and I are breaking down the many ways our choices are manipulated, often without our own knowledge.Who Controls Our Choices?Although we might not realize it, we’re often swayed in our decision-making by those who are presenting us with choices. Oftentimes, they make certain choices easier or more straightforward than others, leading us to choose that option to save time and energy. Eric uses the example of an autofilled box on an online form. If the box is already checked, we often don’t even bother to read what we’re agreeing to. The same goes for things like medical forms or advertisements.For teens looking to choose a college, there are quite a few forces influencing their decision. Eric and I talk at length about how parents, peers, pop culture and colleges themselves all exert influence over how kids pick which school to attend. If kids simply hear about certain colleges more often, they’re likely to apply to those schools…even if they aren’t really the best option for your teens' particular life plans. This is especially true for students who come from lower income backgrounds, and simply aren’t encouraged to explore pricier or high-ranking schools quite so often.Additionally, about 50% of U.S. students also have to pick a high school, especially in New York City, Eric explains. In NYC, students are forced to pick from thousands of schools within the city to find the right fit. Eric explains how this demonstrates a common conundrum in decision-making. To make the right choice, the chooser can’t be overwhelmed with too many options, but they need enough options to make sure they pick something that’s the ri

We’re sitting down with Catherine Price, author of The Power of Fun, to talk about the overlooked benefits of having fun! Catherine defines the true meaning of fun, explains why we tend to undervalue it, and gives practical tips for how to bring more fun to ourselves and our families.Full show notesDo you remember the last time you had fun? Maybe you were exploring a new place, playing a video game or even just laughing with your friends. What did it feel like? Did it help you relieve stress and add joy to your day?We often consider fun irrelevant, or view it as a waste of time, but it can be an essential part of survival. Having fun is not only good for our mood, but actually improves our physical health, lowering our cortisol and helping us balance our hormones.Teaching kids the importance of fun can help them live happier, healthier lives as they head into adulthood.To understand how we can pass the value of fun onto our kids, we’re talking to Catherine Price, author of The Power of Fun. Catherine is an award-winning science journalist and speaker whose work has been featured in Time Magazine, O Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, and more. The New York Times even dubbed her the Marie Kondo of minds!In our interview, we’re talking about the definition of true fun, why we often undervalue fun in our society, and what practical steps we can take to bring more fun to ourselves and our families.How Fun Keeps Us Happy And HealthyFun is often misunderstood, explains Catherine. We tend to think of any relaxing or non-work activity as “fun” when in reality these activities don’t always meet the requirements. Catherine explains that fun consists of three core elements: Playfulness, connectivity and flow. Playfulness doesn't necessarily refer to childlike behavior, but simply requires us to do something for the sake of doing it without putting too much emphasis on the outcome. Connectivity refers to sharing an experience with another person, and flow means being so invested in whatever we’re doing that we lose track of time.When we experience playfulness, connectivity and flow all at once, that means we’re experiencing true fun, says Catherine. This is different from what Catherine describes as “fake fun”, which often includes binge-watching TV shows or scrolling through social media apps. These activities are designed to keep us hooked by hijacking our dopamine reward systems, but don’t actually equate to true fun. Catherine dives deeper into the phenomenon of fake fun in the episode.There is also some middle ground between fun and non-fun, she explains. Relaxing, solitary activities like going on a long walk, taking a bath or doing a puzzle are still essential to our wellbeing and should be prioritized, but they don’t meet the requirements for being true fun. Some activities include connectivity without flow, or playfulness without connectivity. Although these kinds of experiences aren’t true fun, they’re still beneficial and add value to our lives, Catherine explains.In order to fit more true fun into our lives, however, we have to start realizing its value. Catherine and I discuss how fun is often considered a waste of time and how we can start prioritizing fun again.Why Fun Is UndervaluedAs teens get older, we typically start telling them it’s time to get more serious. We pressure them to look towards results–better SAT scores, college acceptances, athletic achievements–and stop encouraging them to simply have fun and explore. While teens need to work towards becoming independent, they’ve also got to remember to keep fun as a part of their lives, Catherine says.Catherine explains that we often forget to value fun because it doesn’t necessarily equate to making money. She breaks down a timeline for when fun stopped being valued in society, around the time of the industrial revolution. Before this period, professions were valued for their ability to reach an outcome–a cobbler made shoes, a butcher prepared meat, and a blacksmith forged metal.But when our modern industrial systems were established, people stopped creating an outcome on their own, and became cogs in a machine to contribute to an outcome along a line of production. Today, this same pattern emerges, and it means that we don’t have a clear endpoint to stop working and start having fun. There’s endless work to do, and if we’re having fun instead of doing it, society tells us to feel guilty, says Catherine.To combat this, Catherine prompts us to start adding fun to our lives and encouraging our family to do the same. In the episode, we're discussing practical ways to bring more fun to your home.Bringing Fun Back To Your FamilyWe all have natural inclinations about how to have fun, but it can also help to take a practical approach, Catherine says. She suggests that we have our teens complete a “fun audit” in which they evaluate and make note of the things in their life that bring the most fun. Catherine calls these forces “fun-magnets”, and they could be

Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift, joins us to discuss the power that peer influence has over teens. Plus, how teens can find great mentors and how the right friends always encourage teens to expand their worldview.Full show notesTeens are undeniably influenced by their peers. They adopt their friends’ fashion, hobbies, attitudes and even opinions….for better or for worse! Whomever your teen decides to spend time with, those people are critical to your teens wellbeing. These individuals might encourage your kids to follow their dreams and become their best selves, or involve them in risky and regrettable behavior. That’s why it's essential to understand the power of peer pressure–and guide teens to make the right kind of friends.To help us ensure that teens are hanging with the right crowd, we’re talking to Justin Blaney, author of Relationshift. Justin is a successful entrepreneur, professor of business at the University of Washington, and the author of 12 books! He’s here to share advice about forging healthy and helpful relationships, gathered from both his professional life as a businessman and personal life as a father of three!In the episode, we discuss why it’s so essential that teens spend time around peers who lift them up rather than those who drag them down. Plus, how kids can find the right mentors, and how good companions can help teens expand their worldview.The Power of Peer InfluenceIn the episode, Justin talks a lot about how teens can get in with the “right” crowd–but not in a moral sense. Instead, these friends should be the kind of people who encourage teens to follow their dreams, find happiness and live their best lives. Of course, no friend is going to be perfect, but a good companion should motivate teens to feel confident and strive for self improvement, Justin explains.Justin and I talk about how teens can evaluate their friendships to see if they’re bringing happiness or hindrance. He explains a method that he refers to as the plus/minus statistic–a metric borrowed from sports! Justin says that teens can weigh the good and the bad to discover if teens’ friends are making their lives better or holding them back. We talk further about the plus/minus statistic in the episode, and how it can help teens surround themselves with the right people.Guiding teens to pick the right companions starts with encouraging them to be self aware, Justin says. Sometimes teens can be a bit oblivious to the negative parts of their friendships, and refuse to think of their friends as bad influences. Justin recommends sitting kids down and asking them to recount their dreams, goals and vision for their life and then reflecting on whether or not their friends are conducive to this dream–or are actively keeping them from achieving it.Beyond just peers, teens need mentors to push them in the right direction. Justin and I are talking about how teenagers can find the right mentor to guide them through their own personal struggles and goals.Finding Meaningful MentorsFinding a great mentor requires teens to choose someone who’s been through the same things they have, says Justin. Sometimes teens tend to gravitate towards those who have found immense success in the field they aspire to…but oftentimes these successful people were just lucky, says Justin. It’s even more likely that these people had a leg-up in life, whether it's inherited wealth, nepotism or simply an especially encouraging family.Justin encourages parents to reiterate this disparity to teens who might find themselves frustrated by the success of others. Other people might have simply been born with more athletic ability or academic intelligence, or maybe their financially comfortable background allowed them to study instead of spending time working. Whatever the case may be, teens shouldn’t compare themselves to peers or even adults who seem to excel effortlessly.In the end, these lucky people often make poor mentors, because they haven’t gone through as much struggle as most other successful people, said Justin. Finding mentors from a similar background who are familiar with the same difficulties teens are facing will create a much more successful mentor/mentee experience at the end of the day, he says. In the episode, Justin and I talk about all the different kinds of mentorship that teens can take advantage of.One of a mentor’s many roles is to help teens expand their worldview. Justin and I are discussing how important it is for teens to broaden their perspective and how strong relationships with peers and mentors can help them do so.Embracing New PerspectivesAs teens grow up, they start to learn more about the world…and sometimes think they know everything! That’s why it’s so important for teens to be surrounded by people who put their worldview to the test. Half the time, kids don’t even realize just how oblivious they are to certain realities, and they need someone to broaden their perspective. Justin uses the example of kids who grow

Yael Shornbrun, author of Work, Parent, Thrive, joins us to talk about how working parents can make the most of their busy lives. We discuss the surprising benefits of working and parenting simultaneously, and explain how we can model a healthy work/life balance for their teens.Full show notesRaising teens can sometimes feel like a full time job…on top of the one we already have! Handling the ups and downs of parenthood takes practically all the energy we have–adding an eight hour workday into the mix can be immensely overwhelming. However, for many parents, working and parenting at the same time is a necessary compromise. Doing both is no easy task, and often comes with lots of sacrifice, conflict and even guilt. But what if being both a parent and a member of the workforce could be mutually beneficial? What if, despite all the struggle, being a working parent might be the best of both worlds?This week, we’re diving into how working parents can overcome the struggle and start thriving. We’re joined by Dr. Yael Schonbrun, psychologist, professor, podcaster and author of Work, Parent, Thrive! Yael is a working parent herself, and wanted to harness her knowledge as a psychologist to help parents change their perspective on work/life balance. In the episode, we’re discussing the ways that parenting can strengthen our career skills–and how our work experiences can make us better parents. Plus, how we can practice emotional management when the stress of life gets too overwhelming, and how we can model career success for teens.Surprising Positives For Working ParentsBalancing work and kids is quite the conundrum, and it’s easy to get bogged down by the difficulty of it all. But there actually quite a few benefits to working and raising kids simultaneously, says Yael–benefits that many parents don’t even realize are there! In the episode, Yael breaks down the idea of skill transfer between our personal and professional lives. The patience, perseverance and empathy it takes to raise teens can be terrific traits to carry over into our work life, while the collaboration and consistency of our work life might benefit our parenting, she explains.She also describes how parents can benefit from what she calls a “stress-buffering effect.” When the stress of work gets us down, spending time with kids is a great way to have a meaningful, fun escape. Similarly, when our kids are driving us crazy, we can head to the office or close the door to our home studio and use work as a way to distract us from the stress of parenting, she says. There are so many other benefits to working and parenting at the same time, and Yael and I get into them in the episode. So many of these benefits become clear when we choose to notice them, Yael explains, instead of focusing on the bad. Regardless, it’s hard to deny that work life balance can be a struggle–especially for parents–and sometimes all the stress can cause us to boil over. In our interview, Yael and I discuss how parents can practice emotional management when the going gets tough.Mastering Emotional ManagementIn our interview, Yael and I talk a lot about values and how they can often be challenged when we’re at our lowest. During arguments with teens or triggering moments, we sometimes find ourselves saying things we don’t mean or acting out of spite. Even though we value kindness, patience and firm boundaries, those things can slip out the window when we’re riled up.In the episode, Yael and I talk about how we can learn to act according to our values instead of letting our emotions get the better of us. She lays out certain “grounding techniques,” or ways to calm down when we’re upset. These are typically methods of slowing down our nervous system’s response to triggering situations, and can include everything from holding an ice cube to taking some time to journal.We also delve into a deep discussion about guilt, and the ways in which it affects working parents. We often feel guilty when we can’t make it to a competition due to a work trip, or when we have to work late and can’t plan a family dinner. Many times, however, this guilt serves no good purpose, and simply drags us down. In the episode, Yael walks me through how parents can evaluate guilty thoughts and interpret whether or not they’re useful.Emotional management can be an important way to model maturity to teens. In our interview, Yael and I are breaking down how working parents can also model career success to teens who are heading into adulthood.Modeling Passion And PurposeAlthough we typically hope teens will listen to our words, they’re more likely to pay attention to and emulate our actions. Kids who are still figuring out their career path might turn to parents to see an example of working adult life. If we want kids to see a positive example of professional development, we have to set one, says Yael.Yael explains that we can label our work three different ways –as a job, a career and a calling. When we see our prof

Benjamin Dunks, author of Intimacy, comes on the show to demystify common concerns and misconceptions teens have about sex. We discuss how parents can rethink the sex talk, why teens might be insecure about intimacy, and cover tricky topics like orgasms and even penis size.Full show notesMost teens have a million questions about sex: When should I have it for the first time? How do I find the right person to do it with? What’s the best way to ask for consent? How does sex even happen?Typically, kids don't exactly feel comfortable coming to parents with these concerns–and might even be too scared to ask their friends. Instead they often turn to porn for explanations…and although not all pornography is bad, there are plenty of harmful things online for kids to find.So how can we make sure kids learn about sex in a healthy way? To find out, we’re talking to Benjamin Dunks, author of Intimacy: A Guide to Young Men About Sex. Benjamin is a professional in the world of dance who’s studied the human body in both artistic and scientific ways. He’s spent the past four years interviewing young people about sex and intimacy to find out where their concerns and confusion lie.In our interview, we’re discussing how parents can have effective sex talks with kids, and how teens can deal with insecurities like lack of experience or anatomical differences. Plus,we run through the most critical things kids should know before they have their first intimate encounter.Tweaking “The Talk”When parents are approaching the sex talk, we often come from a place of fear, says Benjamin. We’re scared that our kids might get pregnant, contract an STD, acquire a bad reputation, get their feelings hurt–the list goes on. But when we come out of the gates full of warnings and negativity, we sometimes unwittingly push kids in the opposite direction, Benjamin explains. They roll their eyes at our advice, and then do the opposite of what we tell them!Instead, Benjamin recommends opening ourselves up to an honest and frank talk about intimacy, and even emphasizing the positive aspects. This can help kids see the pros and cons of becoming sexually active, without scaring them off with tales of terror. When we open up this line of communication with teens, it can also create trust that extends past sex talks and into other parts of life, says Benjamin.So where can we start when it comes to “the talk?” Benjamin suggests starting with lighter questions, and easing into the heavy stuff.. Benjamin also recommends that parents open up about their own experiences–although maybe without all the details! Reminding kids that you also felt scared or confused about sex when you were young might make them feel less alone, Benjamin says.Facing Insecurities About IntimacyTeens can be insecure about lots of things, sex included. Many teenagers, especially young boys, might feel insecure about their lack of knowledge or experience surrounding intimate encounters.This is often because young men are taught that masculinity is all about control–controlling their emotions, their friends and their partners, Benjamin explains. When young men can’t express their insecurities, they double down on this need for control, creating a lack of communication in intimate encounters and even sexual violence. Being open and honest with partners about their insecurities instead can lead to a lot of growth for young men. Vulnerability helps create more trust between partners, and ultimately healthier relationships overall, explains Benjamin. Intimacy is more than just a sexual act, but includes emotional connections and quality time spent together, he says. Vulnerability isn’t easy–especially when teens are young and scared of getting hurt. But the more open they can be about their insecurities, the closer they’ll be with their partners.Often times, kids who feel insecure turn to drugs and alcohol to lessen their fear of a sexual encounter, Benjamin explains. That’s not a sustainable solution, however, and can lead to gray areas around consent and safety, he says. Instead, teens need to learn to be vocal about how they’re feeling. Do they feel uncomfortable? Unsafe? Are they unsure of themselves or just reluctant to become sexually active?These communication skills are just one of many things kids should know before heading into their first intimate encounter. Benjamin and I are discussing what teens should know if they’re preparing to start a sexual relationship with someone.Critical Concepts For Sexually Active TeensIf teens are going to jump into a sexual encounter with someone, there’s a few things they should know first! Benjamin and I are reviewing some critical concepts that parents should review with teens who might have an intimate interaction on the horizon.One thing that Benjamin emphasizes is that every encounter is different. Everyone has unique anatomy, and an intimate interaction might be short or long, slow or fast, loud or quiet. Instead of expecting things to go a c

Happy Holidays from the Talking to Teens Team!To wrap up the year, we’re recapping some of our best moments from 2022. We talked about everything from vaping to body issues to mental health to career planning–and we wanted to compile the best advice for you to catch up on before the new year.Whether you’re a seasoned subscriber or a brand new listener, thanks for choosing Talking to Teens!

Marisa Franco, author of Platonic, discusses how society devalues friendship in favor of romantic relationships—and the power of re-prioritizing friendship. Plus, how to turn a stranger into a friend, and harness emotional management for healthier, more meaningful companionship.Full show notesWe often place our romantic relationships above all else–just look how many new dating apps are invented every year! We pledge to love each other until death does us part, assuming that our perfect soulmate might be the only person we’ll ever need. And although love, marriage and the baby carriage can bring us plenty of joy, we sometimes forget about a tried-and-true source of support and kindness–friendship.Unfortunately, we often treat friendship as secondary, when we should be doing the opposite. Our friendships tend to outlast those romantic relationships…even when we thought that love was forever. Plus, having strong friendships has been linked to higher self-esteem, greater levels of empathy, and an overall increase in quality of life. This especially true for teens, who are still learning how to forge strong relationships of all kinds.So how can we encourage teens to make more friends? We’re asking Marisa Franco, author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends. Marisa is a professor at the University of Maryland who writes regularly for Psychology Today. She’s also been featured in media outlets like the New York Times, NPR, and Good Morning America!In our interview, Marisa and I are talking about why our culture stopped valuing friendship–and why we need to start prioritizing our friends again. We also discuss tips and tricks for making new friends, and how traits like authenticity and vulnerability can lead to deeper, more satisfying friendships.Why Friendship is PowerfulWhen two people become romantically linked, we typically describe them as being “more than friends.” This implies that romantic love is at the top of the hierarchy, and often reinforces the idea that romantic or sexual love is the only kind of love that makes us “worthy,” says Marisa. But friendship can be an incredible and bountiful form of love, and one we shouldn’t neglect, she explains. In the episode, we discuss why platonic love became stigmatized as homophobia grew in society, until romantic love became the only acceptable alternative.Marisa explains that friendship also has benefits beyond just giving us someone to talk to. Having friendships in childhood and adolescence has been linked to higher levels of empathy, morality, and self consciousness in adult life. Companionship with others helps teens expand their understanding of the world and pick up new interests and hobbies. Making a friend who likes to golf might encourage teens to try golfing–and the same goes for skiing, chess, or any other activity!Friends can also increase teens’ feelings of safety and security, even when it comes to physical threats, Marisa explains. Researchers found that when people have friends nearby, they describe possible dangers–like an impending shooter or even a steep hill–as significantly less frightening. This can be a double-edged sword for teenagers, however, as being with a group of peers can embolden them to partake in certain risky behaviors. In the episode, Marisa and I explain how teens can harness the power of friendship for good instead of getting into trouble.Having friends is great, but some teens have trouble getting to know their peers. In our interview, Marisa shares some great advice for teens who are struggling to connect with others.The Art of Making FriendsWe typically don’t try to “force” friendships with strangers…we’d prefer it to just happen naturally! But very few friendships actually happen naturally, Marisa says. Most of the time, one or both parties have to be intentional about creating the friendship, as well as maintaining it.Oftentimes, there’s one person within a group who initiates friendships with the others, a person whom Marisa calls “the igniter.” Marisa explains that we should encourage teens to be igniters, and create new friendships wherever they can. Not only will this lead them to have a wider circle, but it gives them the chance to control the dynamic of their social settings by being the “connector.” Step one is usually talking to strangers, however, something most of us would rather avoid doing. Marisa encourages teens, adults, and everyone in between to approach strangers for a conversation, and simply assume that people will respond positively! In the episode, she breaks down some research that indicates that those who assume they’ll be liked by strangers come across much more confident and have a higher chance of making friends.We also tend to bond with people to whom we are repeatedly exposed, says Marisa. School, work and hobbies are where most people form connections to others, simple from just being around one another. For this reason, Marisa encourages us to sign

Tiffany Jewell, author of This Book is Anti-Racist, joins us to explain how we can raise teens who actively fight against discrimination of all kinds. We discuss the difference between race and ethnicity, explain how teens can explore their own identity, and break down the harmful effects of microaggressions.Full show notesInstead, Tiffany says we should encourage teens toMicroaggressions, intersectionality, gendered language–all these concepts are floating around the internet and even coming out of our teens’ mouths, but what do they really mean? We know that teens shouldn’t be racist or sexist, and that it’s important to treat everyone equally, but is there more to the discrimination discussion than just telling teens to be nice to others? The answer is yes–If we want teens to create a better, more equitable society, we have to educate them on the nuanced reality of discrimination. Not only that, but we have to teach them how to actively fight against it!To help our kids become warriors against injustice, we’re talking to Tiffany Jewell, author of the New York Times #1 Bestseller, This Book Is Anti-Racist and The Antiracist Kid. Tiffany is an educator who has been working with children and families for nearly two decades! Her work focuses on anti-bias and antiracism education for kids and teenagers everywhere.In our interview, Tiffany and I are discussing the difference between race and ethnicity and explaining how you can help your teen discover their own intersectional identity. Plus, how teens can deal with microaggressions from both friends and strangers.Race vs. EthnicityTiffany and I talk a lot about racism in the episode, but to understand racism, we first need to understand race! Tiffany explains that race is actually a social construct, instead of something found within the natural world. The word “race” typically refers to a person’s skin color, hair texture or other physical attributes. While race has often been a way to categorize people over time, it’s not entirely accurate and even has a pretty harmful history, as it’s often used to justify oppression against minority groups. embrace the concept of ethnicity. Ethnicity refers to ancestry, and the origins of those whom you and your teen are descended from. While “Asian” might be seen as a racial identity, ethnicity goes deeper to discover what region a person is actually from, like South Korea, Thailand or Cambodia. Ethnicity also encompasses language, religion, and other aspects of culture that truly provide the nuanced reality of a person's background.In our interview, Tiffany explains that we often don’t know the difference between the two terms because our education systems don’t teach us to differentiate. Even government forms are slow to adapt to these different definitions, often just asking if we’re “black or white”, “hispanic or non-hispanic”. These general categorizations leave little room for nuance–it wasn’t even until the year 2000 that the census allowed citizens to identify as more than one ethnicity.Understanding the difference between these terms is often a good start for teens exploring their intersectional identity. In the episode, Tiffany and I are breaking down what intersectional identity means and how teens can develop a strong sense of pride in who they are.Intersectional IdentitiesYou may have heard the term “intersectional,” but what does it really mean? Tiffany explains that we all have various different social identities–our ethnicities, gender identities, and sexuality, among others. Intersectionality refers to how each of these traits intersect within our own identity, and how they change our relationship to others in society. For example, Tiffany shares that she identifies with multiple ethnicities, while also identifying as a cisgender woman. This means she’s faced some forms of discrimination–but not necessarily all of them. She can speak to the reality of experiencing racism, but she hasn’t had hateful rhetoric like transphobia or homophobia aimed her way.She reminds us that teens shouldn’t compete with others to prove who’s more “oppressed”, but instead see how others also experience discrimination thats similar to or different than what they face. Understanding that different kinds of people can face a multitude of forms of oppression can be critical for teens who are still piecing together the realities of discrimination within the world at large.In the episode, Tiffany and I discuss how teens are often taught to feel embarrassed about all the ways their identity doesn’t fit into the dominant white, male, neurotypical culture–but those differences can actually be superpowers. Teens who are neurodivergent, differently-abled or simply unique can learn to embrace what makes them stand out and harness it, says Tiffany. In the interview, we talk more about how teens can turn these “weaknesses” into superpowers.For teens who identify with certain ethnic or gender identities, stereotypes and microaggressions are

Darby Fox, author of Rethinking Your Teenager, joins us to discuss how we can implement discipline without falling into negative cycles with our kids. We also talk about how why we should rethink the sex talk and the importance of teaching kids kindness.Full show notesWe all know what it’s like to get caught in a negative cycle with our kids. They break the rules, we crack down, they retaliate, then the whole thing happens over and over again. All we want is to keep the peace, but it feels impossible when teens constantly test our boundaries and nerves!The truth is, it’s not easy to implement discipline and still maintain a positive relationship with teens. We want to set rules, but we don’t want teens to think we’re suspicious of them. We want to maintain authority without being a tyrant. How can we keep our close bond with teens while enforcing the rules?To find out, we’re talking to Darby Fox, author of Rethinking Your Teenager: Shifting from Control and Conflict to Structure and Nurture to Raise Accountable Young Adults. Darby is a child and adolescent family psychologist with a private practice in Connecticut. She has over 20 years of experience working with families, and is here to help us take a new approach to our communication with teens.In our interview, Darby and I are discussing why we need to understand our kids’ mindsets, why parents should rethink the sex talk, and how we can enforce discipline without sacrificing our relationship with our kids.Understanding the Teenage MindsetAs parents, we have dreams and goals for our kids. We hope they'll get great grades, go to a prestigious university, become successful adults and live happily ever after. It can be terrifying when we feel like they’re straying onto the wrong path–and our fear can lead us to say some things we regret. We tell them we’re disappointed, that this isn’t how we raised them, and that they should know better….but this only seems to make both teens and parents feel worse in the end.Instead, Darby suggests that we try to get into teens’ heads to figure out what’s motivating their behavior. She recommends that we stop looking for solutions to whatever problem teens are having, and instead talk to them about what’s causing the problem. Finding out teens’ motivations, fears, worries, and thoughts can open up the door to some great, productive conversations about their behavior, she says, instead of just shutting them down by scolding or yelling.Teen’s brains are still developing, and this means that they’re often driven towards short-term gratification and excitement. They’re not trying to get themselves into a bad spot, they just want fun and novelty, says Darby. If we really want them to make good choices, we might just have to let them make bad ones, she says. While we can spend all day telling teens why they shouldn’t drink, it might not stop them from blacking out and crawling home. When they do, Darby recommends that instead of shaming them, we sit down with them and help them break down what happened. This might help them rethink the situation, and whether or not they really want to touch alcohol again for a while, Darby says. She believes parents should behave like gutters in a bowling alley–there in case things go off their intended path.Of all the tough conversations parents have to have with kids, the sex talk might be the most awkward. In our interview, Darby and I are talking about how you can take a more accepting approach to “the talk.”Rethinking The Sex TalkDarby’s first recommendation for parents heading into a sex talk is to be direct. There’s often a lot of hemming and hawing about what we should and shouldn’t tell kids, if we should shelter them or avoid specific topics. But if we’re just honest and open, the talk can be a lot more effective, she says. She even recommends asking about what’s been going on at school–if they’ve been hearing about what other kids are doing and what they think about it.Sometimes teens’ feeling about sex can be layered. They might feel a social pressure to start before they’re ready, or a need to seek validation from others that might result in promiscuous behavior. Maybe they have questions that they feel like they’re not able to ask anyone, and this can lead them to feel isolated. All this can make having the talk even harder–but also more essential, says Darby.When you’re dishing out information to teens, Darby says it's ok if they don’t respond, or run away cringing after. What’s most important is that they listened and received the information, she says. In the episode, we talk about what topics we should emphasize in the talk, including adolescent identity formation, how to notice red flags in potential partners, and possible gendered differences when it comes to first love.To wrap up our conversation, Darby and I are talking about discipline, and how some parents set their kids up to fail by disciplining too much or too little. Plus, the importance of mutual respect when commun

Tamara Raymond, author of Careering, joins us to discuss how teens can get a head start on career development while they’re still in high school. We talk about how teens can build a professional network, find their passion, and handle the job application process.Full show notesTeens these days are expected to have everything figured out by the time they finish high school–which is a nearly impossible task. Even though they're only taking their first wobbly steps into maturity, it seems like they’ve got to have their college major, future career and financial life plan all worked out by the time they turn 18!Needless to say, they’re going to need a lot of help if they’re going to make it out there in the real world. As parents, we want to assist our kids as they transition into adulthood–so how can we help teens start making smart career decisions when they’re still living under our roofs? Is there a way we can prepare them to go into adult life with their best foot forward?That’s what we’re asking Tamara Raymond, author of Careering: The Pocket Guide to Exploring Your Future Career. Tamara is a certified leadership coach and career strategist with over 15 years of experience helping people become their best selves! Today, she’s helping us see how teens can get a headstart on career development before they reach adulthood.In our interview, we’re covering how teens can start discovering their passions and how they can build a professional network with resources they already have! Plus, how parents can guide teens through job and internship applications–and help them handle rejection.Finding Passion and PurposeTo find out what they’re passionate about, Tamara recommends teens try anything and everything. Luckily, high school is the perfect time to do so! Signing up for lots of extracurriculars and activities is a good way to start figuring out where their purpose lies.Plenty of kids pick extracurriculars with the singular goal of getting into college, only to find themselves transferring schools or changing their major three times once they get in. While this isn’t inherently bad, it can cost a lot of time and money, says Tamara. High school gives teens more wiggle room to try on different potential career paths and see what fits, she explains.In the episode, Tamara and I talk about a concept called “indepent study,” in which teens can explore their interests on their own outside of school. If a teen is interested in learning a language, working with animals, or developing a skill, high school is a great time for teens to create their own “program” and dive into these topics on their own time.Volunteering is another good way to not only get experience for a first resume, but also try out different possible career opportunities, Tamara explains. Teens can try volunteering at an animal clinic, at the local hospital, or even serving food nearby to see if they’re interested in one of those fields. They’ll never know until they try, Tamara says.When teens get involved in their interests outside of school, this often creates space for a mentor to enter the picture. Tamara and I are talking about how teens can find mentorship or even develop a professional network while they’re still in high school.Building a NetworkCreating a professional network doesn't have to include fancy conventions or Linkedin–it can start within your own family, Tamara explains. If teens reach out to uncles, aunts, cousins or family friends, they might find that there are plenty of interesting connections to be made. Maybe an aunt knows someone who works in radio, or a cousin heard about an internship program for aspiring designers. Whatever their interest, teens might be surprised to find out how many connections are already available to them, says Tamara.She also recommends that if teens are taking part in extracurricular and volunteer opportunities, that they make time to talk to those around them. These people can offer great insights or advice about life, or even help teens get a job one day. If teens are able to score an internship or entry-level job at a company they hope to work for one day, building a network there should be one of their biggest priorities. That way, if they ever return, they’ll already have relationships in the organization, Tamara explains.The internet can also be a powerful tool, particularly social media, says Tamara. Although we often see the negative side of social media, there can be benefits as well, if it’s used right, she says. Teens should make sure to watch what they post however, as certain comments might get them in trouble in the future, she warns. There are plenty of examples of this among celebrities, and teens might learn a lesson or two about posting impulsively from paying attention to these stories in the news.As teens get older, they’ll find themselves applying for more and more things, including jobs, interviews, scholarships or even colleges. Tamara and I are talking about how you can guide te

Chantel Prat, author of The Neuroscience of You, joins us to talk about how every brain is unique. We discuss the left and right brain, how to use psychology to motivate teenagers, and why every teen has a different way of thinking.Full show notesWe all think differently–it's what makes our world so wonderful to live in. We each have unique opinions, perspectives and ideas to bring to the table!We often chalk up these differences to our individual upbringings or life experiences–but what if there are fundamental structural differences within each of our brains that change the way we think? What if our brains aren’t one size fits all?These are the questions we’re attempting to answer this week in our interview with Chantel Prat. Chantel is a cognitive neuroscientist, internationally renowned speaker and professor at the University of Washington! She’s joining us today to discuss some powerful ideas from her new book, The Neuroscience of You: How Every Brain is Different and How to Understand Yours.In our interview, Chantel and I are breaking down how the left and right hemispheres of our brains affect our behavior differently. We’re also discussing why some teens are motivated by reward, and others by punishment. Plus, how each person’s brain operates in a unique way and why it matters.Left Brain vs. Right BrainYou may have heard that the left brain is more analytical, while the right brain is more creative. While this is an interesting idea, it’s not totally backed by science, Chantel explains. There are differences between the function of the two hemispheres, but they aren’t as simple as one might think. In the episode, Chantel and I are discussing the existing research about the differences between the left and right sides of the brain.One study examined people who lost the tie between the two hemispheres, meaning that each could be studied individually, says Chantel. The researchers asked the participants of the study to draw a picture based on a prompt, and found out that the right brain is engaged when creating visual interpretations.However, when people were asked to use their own language to describe what they’d drawn, they suddenly started to make up totally new explanations for their images that had nothing to do with the prompt!Chantel explains that this phenomenon occurred because the left brain is responsible not just for generating language but also for making inferences about causality and justifying our own behavior. This means there’s often a disconnect between the true reason for our actions and our conscious justifications for them, says Chantel. In fact, much of our decision making is done within our subconscious, Chantel explains. This is especially true for teenagers, whose brains are still developing. When they seem unable to justify their behavior, it’s likely because they don’t have the brain mechanisms to do so yet, says Chantel.While kids can’t always explain their behavior, it’s clear that they have certain motivations for their actions. Whether it’s the thrill of winning a homecoming game, the fear of failing a test or the satisfaction of saving for their first car, each teen has their own motivating forces. Chantel and I are talking about what motivates teens and how parents can understand their teens’ own method of motivation.What Motivates Teens?Although motivation is complicated, Chantel explains a basic spectrum we can use to understand what motivates our kids (and ourselves). Chantel explains that at one end of the spectrum, there are “carrot” learners, who are spurned forward by rewards. On the other end are “stick” learners, or those who make decisions based on their desire to avoid negative outcomes. You may have heard of the chemical dopamine, and that it plays a role in happiness. As Chantel explains in the episode, dopamine is a reward chemical that makes us feel satisfied when we achieve or obtain something. On the other hand, when we find ourselves disappointed, we experience what Chantel calls a “dopamine dip” and receive less dopamine than we expected.Carrot learners are motivated to seek out dopamine, and learn to repeat the behaviors that bring it–like eating food, buying something they’ve had their eye on, or even reaching a lofty goal. Stick learners, on the other hand, are motivated by the memories of those dopamine dips, and want to avoid the same unpleasant feeling they associate with disappointment. Chantel and I talk about how you can figure out if your teen is a stick or a carrot learner and what that means for your relationship with them.Although we can look at the science of different hemispheres and motivation styles, each individual’s brain is truly unique, Chantel explains. In the episode, we’re breaking down why everyone’s brain operates differently, and how we can help our kids embrace their own way of thinking.Why Your Teen’s Brain Is UniqueChantel finds it frustrating that we often approach neuroscience with the belief that brains are one-size-f

David Arms and son Steven Arms, authors of Milestone to Manhood, join us this week to talk about how families can organize a coming-of-age ritual that helps teens embrace their impending adulthood. They break down their family’s ritual, and explain how you can create your own.Full show notesPreparing kids for the responsibilities of adulthood is one of parenting’s most critical challenges. Although kids officially become “adults” at 18, the journey to adulthood starts long before then. Teens are figuring out their values, career, love life and identity as they move through puberty and high school! For parents, it can be nerve-wracking to watch as kids attempt to handle the challenges of growing up. When teens are wracked with self doubt and insecurity, it can be hard to reassure them that they're ready to take on new responsibilities! If only there was something we could do to help them enter maturity with confidence and security…This week, we’re talking about a special ritual parents and kids can complete together to signify the beginning of kids’ journey to adulthood. We’re talking to David and Steven Arms, authors of Milestone to Manhood. Our first ever father-son guest duo, these two men are here to tell us all about a ritual that takes place in their family whenever a boy turns 13–and how you can use their model to create your own family rite of passage. In our interview, we’re discussing each element of their family coming-of-age ritual, and its significance. Plus, how David and Steven use this rite of passage to have important conversations about everything from faith to sex, and how you can plan a coming-of-age event for your own kid.What Is A Rite of Passage?When someone in the Arms family turns 13, the older males–uncles, cousins, brothers, grandpas and fathers–plan an entire weekend of activities for them. Throughout the weekend, the 13 year-old faces a slate of leadership tasks, and receives advice about life from each of his older relatives. This entire trip is kept secret from the participant, until it's already underway, Steve and David explain.In the episode, David breaks down the rite of passage weekend he planned for Steven, which took place at a lakeside cabin. Throughout the weekend, there was a burning fire that Steven was expected to maintain. Instead of stoking it himself from morning to night, Steven took leadership and delegated its upkeep to each member of the family. The ability to practice leadership on a small, controlled scale is a big way to nudge kids towards adult responsibilities, they explain.To David and Steven, devout Christians, the fire is an important biblical symbol or resilience. They encourage the listener to find their own version of this activity based on their personal faith or values. Other parts of their ritual, like each man reading a bible verse, can be replaced by recommending important books or sharing significant stories between the group–whatever your family is comfortable doing.Beyond just activities, the rite of passage also includes having important discussions about life and growing up. Steven and David are breaking down how to approach heavy topics with teens as they’re coming of age.Talking About The Big StuffDuring Steven’s rite of passage weekend, the men of his family had an open discussion about sex–which helped him develop a healthy relationship with his own sexuality, he says. Steven explains how hearing his family members discuss sex in a non-judgemntal manner among one another made him feel as though he could ask them anything. By removing the stigma around sex, the men were able to create a safe space to discuss it.One of the main messages the older men attempt to impart on each trip is one of unconditional love and support. Reminding kids that you’ll love them no matter what provides them with the ability to have open dialogue with you no matter how old they are.For example, Steven recalls a period where he was questioning his own values, and didn’t know if he could talk to his parents about it. Once he remembered the rite of passage weekend, however, he realized his family was a safe place for challenging discussions, and opened up to his grandfather about what he was feeling. His grandfather’s advice set him back on track and reminded him that he’s not alone.David explains in the episode that kids are going to look for ways to feel like an adult as they move through teenagerhood, and sometimes turn to drugs or other risky behavior to feel mature. If we can have conversations with them about maturity while they’re in the process of growing up, we can help prevent them from going down a bad road. So how can we create our own rite on passage weekend? What if our kids are older–is it too late? David, Steven and I are explaining how you can create a version of the ritual for your own family.Creating Your Own RitualIf you’re interested in recreating this coming of age ritual or designing your own, David and Steven recommend planning far in ad

Caroline Clauss-Elhers, co-author of Eating Together, Being Together, joins us to talk about how cooking and eating with our kids creates opportunities for deeper connection.Full show notesFor centuries, food has brought people together. Whether we’re preparing a holiday feast with the whole family or grabbing lunch with an old friend, there’s something about cooking and eating together that creates a connection between human beings. But sometimes we lose track of the value of sharing a meal–especially when it comes to daily family life. After a long day of work and school, it’s easy to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and sit your kids in front of the TV while you go upstairs for some much-needed peace and quiet.Although it can be hard to find time for family dinner and even more difficult to muster up the energy to cook a meal, food can be a great way to connect with your kids. Cooking together provides opportunities to teach valuable life lessons, and sitting down for a meal can bring laughter, bonding, and essential communication. If you can find the time to cook and eat together, food might just bring your family closer than ever before.To help us get the spices flowing and the conversation going, we’re talking to Caroline Clauss-Elhers, co-author of Eating Together, Being Together: Recipes, Activities and Advice From a Chef Dad and a Psychologist Mom. Caroline is an award-winning psychologist and professor at Long Island University, Brooklyn. She teamed up with her chef husband to write this book full of fun ways to incorporate food into family bonding!In my conversation with Caroline, we’re discussing the important practical and philosophical lessons kids can learn from cooking.Creating delectable meals is a great way to bond with our teens, and provides a unique space to discuss fun and serious subjects.How Cooking Can Be EducationalCooking is more than just preparing tasty food–it also includes things like math, physics, and plant science! Preparing food together is a fun and productive way to teach kids about everything from fractions to fruit, says Caroline. Younger kids might be fascinated to learn about the composition of an egg, while older kids can try converting teaspoons to quarts. No matter how old your kid is, they’ll likely learn a thing or two if they step into the kitchen, Caroline says.If we want our kids to learn life skills like leadership, perseverance, or patience, cooking is a great place to start, Caroline says. Making a meal is messy, and typically involves some trial and error. Before kids can produce the perfect omelet, they'll have to learn to remain resilient through pooly cracked eggs or burnt mushrooms! If there’s multiple cooks in the kitchen, Caroline suggests letting kids be in charge of delegating duties. This lets them try out a little bit of leadership and critical decision-making, she says.The grocery shopping process is another chance to get kids learning–this time about money! Caroline suggests comparing the prices and attributes of multiple brands and asking kids which they think is a better deal. At the end of the trip, kids can look over a receipt and see how each item, discount, or fee was combined to make a total payment amount. These lessons might seem minor, but can be formative for kids still learning about the value of both money and food, Caroline explains.Cooking and eating as a family is more than just educational! Parents can also use food to bond with kids in all sorts of ways. In our interview, Caroline and I are discussing how food preparation and consumption can be a path to better communication with kids.How Food Brings Family TogetherIn our interview, Caroline and I are discussing all the ways families can use food to bond. In Caroline’s family, for example, making apple cider is a common activity. She hops into the car with her husband and kids and they drive to the apple orchard before bringing the fruit home to make the cider and enjoy it together. Caroline explains that the car rides are often the highlight, because they give her family unstructured time to talk about their lives with one another. Although they could simply buy cider from the store, this from-scratch method is much more fun and creates opportunities for connection, says Caroline.Sometimes, there’s a specific topic you want to bring up to your teen, but you aren’t sure of the right time and place. Caroline says cooking and eating together creates opportunities for heavier topics to come up organically. When your family is gathered in a comfortable environment doing something low-effort like eating or caramelizing onions, it often provides the chance to nudge your teen about their college applications or find out more about their friends at school.You might be thinking to yourself, I don’t have time to cook! I’m too busy working or running kids from soccer practice to tutoring! In the episode, Caroline and I talk about different methods for busy parents to bond with kids over

Kate Lund, author of Bounce, joins us to explain how teens can face obstacles and practice resilience when life gets tough. We also discuss the importance of stress management, goal setting and trying new things.Full show notesYour teen might have the perfect life plan–become class president, get a basketball scholarship, and go to the medical school of their dreams. But no matter how put-together your teen is, they’re likely to encounter plenty of obstacles on the road to success. They might not make the school basketball team at all, or maybe they’ll receive a rejection letter from the college they swore they’d go toIf teens let these challenges bring them down, they might not reach the future they’ve envisioned. But if they’re resilient enough to push past hardships, they may find that all of their dreams are entirely possible!Building resilience is no easy task, however. That’s why we’re talking to Kate Lund, author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive In School, Sports and Life. Kate is a psychologist and life coach with over 15 years of experience helping people of all ages overcome hardship.In our interview, Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain resilience from learning to manage their emotions. We're also talking about how teens can stay motivated, and why teens need confidence and courage if they want to strive for greatness.Modeling Emotional ManagementThere’s no shortage of frustrating situations in life, especially for teens who are still figuring it all out. When things go wrong, teens tend to get stressed–and how they deal with this stress makes all the difference, Kate says.In order to find resilience, teens have to master stress management, she explains. When teens manage their stress properly by exercising, painting, or spending time with friends, they’re able to remain even-keeled and calm most of the time, explains Kate. But when they let their stress run free, any triggering situation can put them over the top and cause them to melt down. By scheduling time to regularly de-stress, teens can stay grounded when challenges arise.To help teens gain emotional management skills, try modeling them yourself, Kate suggests. When you're dealing with something frustrating or overwhelming, you shouldn’t hide this from teens, she explains. Letting teens see your negative emotions can remind them that stress is totally normal. When kids see parents handling their emotions in healthy ways, they'll be reassured that they’re capable of the same, says Kate.Another way parents can model healthy emotional habits is by practicing kindness in a visible way. When anger or sadness go unmanaged, these emotions can lead us to become unkind to those in our lives, says Kate. Showing teens that we’re capable of being kind to anyone, no matter their beliefs or opinions, is an incredibly powerful way of modeling emotional management, she says.If kids are truly striving for resilience, they’ll have to keep their motivation going, no matter what obstacles are in their path. In the episode, we’re talking about how teens can stay motivated through any challenges they might face.Motivation and Goal SettingTo maintain motivation, Kate recommends that kids set attainable goals. They might have a grand goal of getting into their dream school, but they’ve got to have smaller goals along the way if they want to stay motivated, she says. Their first goal might be getting all the necessary letters of recommendation by a certain date, and their second goal might be finishing their essays in time for early admission. Reaching these small goals helps teens feel accomplished, which in turn motivates them to keep going.Sometimes parents push teens to pursue activities that teens just don’t seem to care about. This might be because we don’t want kids to be quitters or because we have our own selfish interest in the activity. This can cause kids’ motivation to stall out. Instead, Kate recommends that you encourage teens to pursue what they actually enjoy, letting their natural motivation take over. As a parent, you can help kids stay motivated by encouraging them to follow their passions.What if your teen doesn’t feel motivated to achieve anything? Kate says you should give unmotivated teens time to figure out where they want to direct their energy. Not every teen moves at the same speed, she explains. She suggests that both parents and teens remain open to new experiences and connections through their teenage years and even into young adulthood. We never know what might inspire us, and teens shouldn’t hold themselves back from the possibility of finding their spark.There are a few other things that factor into resilience, including qualities like confidence and courage. Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain these traits and find resilience.Courage and ConfidenceFor teens who are facing the impending world of adulthood, confidence isn’t always easy. But the more kids embrace challenges and overcome them,

Dr. Elena Lister, psychologist and author of Giving Hope, speaks about why it’s so essential to discuss death with our kids. Elena explains how to have age-appropriate talks when a loved one passes, and how to help grieving teens who are struggling to open up.Full show notesWhen a loved one is seriously ill or passes unexpectedly, there’s no easy way to tell our kids. While we want them to know the truth and feel supported through any grief they might have, we don’t want to freak them out or say the wrong thing. This is particularly true when it comes to teenagers, who typically don’t want to talk to parents about anything–especially intense emotions.But talking about death and loss can be immensely valuable for teens, especially after a tragedy. Opening up a conversation about grief reminds teens that their home is a safe space for difficult feelings. For teens who feel like they’re mourning on their own, having a parent to turn to can make all the difference. Today we’re talking to Dr. Elena Lister, co-author of Giving Hope: Conversations with Children About Illness, Death, and Loss. Elena is a psychology professor and practicing psychologist. In her work, she specializes in treating people who are struggling with grief. She also travels to schools to help kids deal with the loss of teachers, school staff or other members of their community.In our interview, Elena and I are covering why conversations about death are so essential, and what we can say to support teens who are working through the loss of a loved one. Plus, how you can help teens who don’t want to open up about their grief.Discussing Death With KidsAlthough it can be one of the most difficult topics for anyone to talk about, discussing death can also be incredibly important. Death is an inevitable part of life, explains Elena, and kids are often already aware of it before we ever bring it up. Pixar movies touch on themes of grief and loss, and school curriculums tackle famous figures who’ve passed. Without a conversation about death at home, kids can sometimes feel like they’re grappling with the concept alone.When we allow kids to feel comfortable talking about death, we help them claim ownership over their emotions, says Elena. These talks remind teens that they’re capable of managing difficult things in both the present and the future–tough emotions included, Elena says. If we don’t offer them this refuge, teens can bring the trauma of these losses into adulthood, where they may have even more trouble working through them.Elena explains that it can sometimes be tempting to lie to kids when the reality of death arises–like telling kids that the family dog went off to live on a farm when the truth is that he’s passed. But lying can undermine the bond of trust between you and your teen, Elena says, leading kids to be suspicious of anything else you might say for years to come. Plus, teens can often sense when you aren’t telling the truth, and might feel upset if they know you’re hiding something, she explains.Whether you have to break the news of a loved one's passing or just want to help kids understand the concept of death, these conversations aren’t easy. Elena is helping us understand what we can say to help teens feel supported, and what terms or topics to avoid.Finding the Right Moment To TalkIf you want to have a conversation about death with teens, Elena recommends weaving this talk into everyday life. It might not seem intuitive, but bringing these heavy topics into a more casual environment can make them easier to discuss. She suggests leaving time for kids to ask questions after the talk, and then returning to daily activities. It can also be comforting to spend some time together doing something simple after, like watching a movie.What’s the best time of day for the conversation? Elena advises us not to break the news of a loved one’s passing before bedtime, she says, as humans are predisposed to feel lonely at night. If possible, she recommends we avoid telling kids before they go off to school, unless it’s someone in their immediate circle. Elena explains that kids often perceive a shift in energy among parents and peers when someone passes, and this might cause confusion if the circumstances are clearly communicated.Elena suggests that parents choose a moment when they're free to spend some time with kids afterwards–if the situation allows. If you can sit with teens without distractions, they’ll know you're there to comfort them and guide them through any grief they might have. In our interview, Elena and I talk about how important it is to put down our phones and other electronics during this time–even though it can be tempting to scroll through emails to deflect tension.Sometimes, however, teens don’t want to start up a conversation at all. This can lead parents to wonder if teens are struggling to communicate their grief, or simply talking about their feelings with someone else. Elena and I are talking about how you can inte

Doni Wilson, author of Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health, joins us to explain the science behind the body’s stress response. We talk about how everyone’s reaction to stress is unique, and how teens can take some steps to de-stress.Full show notesToday’s teens are at risk of major stress overload. On top of managing their grades and competing for spots at exclusive universities, they’re battling the onslaught of a recession and a world battered by a pandemic. They’ve also got to navigate a complicated digital landscape! With phone notifications going off every five minutes demanding their attention, it’s no wonder teens are chronically stressed out.You may have heard of some stress relief methods for kids, like yoga, journaling, or taking long walks...but do they really work? Do teens need to go to therapy to feel better? Should they quit their extracurriculars to make more time for relaxation? What could possibly give kids the stress relief they need?The bottom line is, stress isn’t one-size-fits-all, and neither is the solution! If we want to find out how teens can de-stress, we’ll have to learn more about how each teen’s body processes stress in the first place.To learn more about the nuances of stress and possible solutions, we’re talking to Dr. Doni Wilson, author of Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health. Doni is a doctor of naturopathic medicine, a certified nutrition specialist, a bestselling author and an internationally renowned speaker! As a clinician, Doni focuses on stress recovery–specifically the regulation of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol.In our interview, Doni is breaking down the body’s stress response and how it affects everyone differently. We’re also discussing how teens can take some steps towards de-stressing, and how we can spot a teen that’s overwhelmed by stress.Cortisol And AdrenalineLet’s say your teen is driving, only a few weeks after getting their license. They’re on the freeway, trying to merge into traffic, when suddenly a huge truck shows up on their left. They might feel a jolt of panic, as their body alerts itself to this new danger. This sensation is a result of their adrenal glands releasing adrenaline, says Doni, which is the body's first response to a stressful situation.The human brain is constantly monitoring its environment, ready to react to stress at any moment–and when something sets off a stress response, our adrenal glands get to work, says Doni. With the release of adrenaline, our bodies go into flight or flight mode, alerting our sympathetic nervous system and making us more alert.When responding to stress, our body also produces cortisol, another hormone. This raises our blood sugar, halts our digestion, and suppresses our immune system so that our body can devote all its energy to handling the stressor at hand, says Doni.These chemicals are necessary for human survival, as they help humans navigate intense situations–like our teen avoiding a truck on the road. But these hormones are supposed to subside once teens aren’t stressed anymore, so that the body can reset itself. When teens' lives are filled up with tests, college admissions essays, football practice, keeping up with their friends on the internet and worrying over the state of the world, they’re not giving their body a break from the stress. This can cause their stress monitoring systems to go haywire! Doni explains this system failure further in the episode, and the repercussions it can have on teens’ health.If we want teens to relieve their chronic stress, they’ll have to help their body reset. But how can they do this? In the episode, Doni is explaining how everyone’s body is different–so treatment has to be unique.Address The High StressDe-stressing looks different for everyone, Doni says. That’s because everyone’s body responds to stress differently. Everyone has varying levels of cortisol and adrenaline, she explains. Some people have a cortisol deficit and others produce too much. Some people are more prone to producing stress hormones in the morning, while others get stressed in the evening. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to such a complex and varying problem, Doni says.Some of these differences can be attributed to genetics. Doni explains that some people are genetically predisposed to produce more cortisol, and feel higher levels of stress. There are also genetic differences that affect how quickly these hormones are metabolized. For some, a stress response can last a few minutes, while others feel stressed for hours. There are also generational aspects, Doni explains–the stress our parents and grandparents experienced can have an effect on how our own bodies process stress.Because everyone’s stress response is different, every individual requires a unique solution, says Doni. Instead of assigning blanket remedies for stress, Doni suggests taking your kid to a doctor to have their adrenaline and cortisol levels measured. In doing so, you can find out specific information

Dr. Robert Lustig, author of Metabolical: The Lure and the Lies of Processed Food, Nutrition, and Modern Medicine, joins us to talk about how sugar and processed foods really affect our kids. Plus, how we can make a shift towards a healthier lifestyle.Full show notesWhen life gets stressful and busy, convenient processed foods can be an easy fix. If you’re already late for work and your teen is scrambling to get out the door in the morning, frozen waffles or fruit loops are suddenly much more realistic than scrambled eggs and fruit. When you’re exhausted coming home from work, it can feel impossible to do anything more than throw some pizza rolls in the oven for the kids and pour yourself a glass of wine.But these processed foods aren't just slightly bad for your health–they can be downright poisonous for you and your family. The refined sugars and lack of nutritional benefits in these convenience foods causes serious damage to the digestive system and contributes to the development of metabolic diseases like heart disease, diabetes and more.If we want to take care of our kids’ health (and our own), our families have got to start eating better. To learn how, we’re talking to Dr. Robert Lustig, author of Metabolical: The Lure and the Lies of Processed Food, Nutrition, and Modern Medicine. Dr. Lustig is an Emeritus Professor of Pediatrics in the division of Endocrinology at the University of California San Francisco. He lectures globally about health and is the best selling of several other books about nutrition.In our interview, Dr. Lustig and I are covering the surprising science behind our sugary diets–and why it's so essential that we change our eating habits. Plus, why our families should be consuming more fiber, and why today’s kids are so addicted to junk food.The Sugar ProblemWhen we think of sugary foods, we often envision donuts or candy…but there are all kinds of sugars in processed foods. In fact they’re usually the number one ingredient, hiding under names like “high-fructose corn syrup,” says Dr. Lustig.All this sugar in our diet is causing insulin resistance in our bodies, Dr. Lustig explains. This means we’re often overproducing insulin to compensate. As a result, humans are developing kinds of metabolic health issues–everything from polycystic ovary syndrome to cancer. All this insulin can also cause us to be pretty sluggish, Dr. Lustig explains. If your kid is chronically exhausted, high insulin might be the culprit.Insulin isn’t all bad! We still need it in our bodies to function normally, says Dr. Lustig, and without it, we'd have type one diabetes. But with all the sugar we tend to eat these days, our insulin levels are a lot higher than they should be, leading to poor health and chronic conditions. While exercise can help improve our health, nothing can fix this high insulin crisis except changing our diets, says Dr. Lustig. This is especially true for teens who are still growing and need all the nutrients they can get! So what changes can we make to our diets to bring our insulin levels down and restore our body’s healthy diets? As you might be able to guess, cutting out sugary and processed foods is step one, according to Dr. Lustig. This means cutting out things like chips, processed breakfast cereals, and soda.But what about diet sweeteners? Dr. Lustig explains that while these fake sugars are about half as toxic as sugar itself, they’re still not a good idea! Teens would be better off cutting soda and other “sugar-free” treats out altogether.Once we've cut these foods out, what can we eat instead? One incredibly important nutrient our families should be eating more of is fiber! Dr. Lustig and I dive into what fiber actually is and why it’s so good for us.The Power of FiberYou may have heard that fiber is good for you… but what is fiber exactly? Dr. Lustig explains that fiber is often found in fruits, vegetables, and pretty much anything else that comes out of the ground! Fiber is especially important because it feeds our microbiome. In our guts, there are trillions of bacteria that break down our food and regulate what goes into our bloodstream. Our bodies don’t absorb fiber the way it typically absorbs other foods. Instead fiber feeds this bacteria in our guts and keeps our microbiome healthy. Without fiber, our bacteria eats away at our intestinal lining instead…causing irreparable damage to our digestive system. This means bad proteins can slip through the gut into the bloodstream, causing inflammation, leaky gut, and more! If we want our insulin to stay down and our digestion to remain healthy, we’ve got to eat more fiber, says Dr. Lustig. Educating our kids on why fiber is essential to their health might help even the most unenthusiastic teens pick up a vegetable or two.Why is it that kids are so resistant to eating healthy, nutritious foods? Dr. Lusting and I are diving into this dilemma in our interview.Junk Food and Public SchoolsIf you’ve walked through the cereal aisle at

Kathryn Tuggle, author of How to Money, joins us to discuss the essential money advice teens need for a financially independent future. We talk about first jobs, saving for cars, and how teens can avoid impulse spending.Full show notesIt’s time for the talk. You know, the big, nerve-wracking one you’ve been putting off for years. The one you know you have to have before kids reach a certain age, but you’re afraid it’ll be awkward and you won’t say the right thing. The talk is essential to your kids well-being and chance for a bright future…..the money talk, of course!Chatting with kids about money isn’t easy–there’s a lot to cover. It can be uncomfortable, and kids don’t listen half the time anyway. Plus, you might feel like you don’t know enough to give teens the right financial advice to prepare them for adulthood. But if you ask most people the thing they regret most in life, it’s their bad money choices as young adults. If we don’t teach teens how to handle money, they might end up making huge financial mistakes that could have been avoided!To help us raise money-smart teens, we’re talking with Kathryn Tuggle, co-author of How to Money: Your Ultimate Visual Guide to the Basics of Finance. Kathryn is the editor-in-chief of herrmoney.com, an incredible financial resource for young women! She produces the HerMoney podcast, and co-hosts its popular mailroom segment, where she answers questions about finance. Kathryn’s book is a rich mine of financial advice for young adults, and she’s here today to share some of the highlights.In our interview, Kathryn and I are discussing the basic financial topics parents should be discussing with kids. Plus, how to teach your kids to manage money and what we can do to help them save for big purchases like cars or even college.Finance 101 For TeensNo matter how smart and educated your teen is, they may not know the basics of finance, says Kathryn. They don’t teach financial literacy in the classroom, and most teens feel like a financially independent future is so far off that it’s not worth thinking about while they’re still in high school. Don’t assume your teen will figure it out on their own, says Kathryn. Make sure that you’re having conversations about how to earn, save, and invest while kids are still living at home.One way to do this is to implement discussions about money when you and your kid are at the grocery store or a restaurant. If you’re looking for an after-dinner dessert, have kids help you pick one out, says Kathryn, and help them understand the differences in pricing. When it comes down to choosing between a generic or name brand box of cookies, she suggests you remind kids what they could do with the extra three dollars you’ll save on the store brand–along with all the accumulated money you’ll have from buying that store brand every single week!When it’s time for teens to get their own job, there are plenty of ways parents can help, says Kathryn. In the episode, she walks me through some of the tips parents can give to teens who have their first job interview. We’re also covering whether or not you should talk to your teen about income taxes this early in life, and if kids should already start investing or putting money in a Roth IRA to save for retirement.Once teens make money, they’ll have to learn how to save it! Kathryn and I are talking about how teens can develop responsible habits now so they won’t be in trouble later.Teen Money Management Kids love to spend money on clothes, video games, hobbies they’re really into for a month before they lose interest…the list goes on. But as adults, we know how smart it is to save! We can teach our kids to keep their money in the bank, says Kathryn, but to do so, we’ve got to embrace their spendy perspective! She suggests asking teens about the pricier items they’re interested in–a new keyboard, a nice dress, even an iphone–and showing them how to save for it.It’s not just naivety that brings kids to spend lots of money on glitter eyeshadow or a trendy new hoodie. Social media companies are marketing products to kids on an enormous scale, with algorithms that track their activity to know just what advertisements they’ll click on. Influencers are telling them all day long that they NEED to purchase the latest jeans or supplements in order to fit in, look good and be cool!If you want to help your teen avoid spending lots of money on things they don’t need, Kathryn suggests sitting them down to discuss this social media advertising frenzy and why they should be questioning it. Remind them that influencers are being paid tens of thousands of dollars to promote products…and these items are probably not as remarkable as influencers might make them seem. She also recommends kids wait 24 hours before hitting purchase on anything, which helps them curb impulse spending and think critically about what they really want to spend their money on.Saving money is the path to lifelong financial prosperity, says Kathryn. This

Derek Borthwick, author of How to Talk to Anybody, joins us to share how we can create better communication with teens. We talk about body language, initiating tough conversations and more.Full show notesYour teen comes home with a less-than-desirable score on a math test. You want to talk to them about it, but the moment you try, they run upstairs, close the door and refuse to come out. When you ask why they scored so poorly, they freak out and maybe even accuse you of calling them stupid…when all you wanted to do in the first place was make them feel better.Communication with teens is no easy task. Teens have a lot on their plate and their brains are still developing, meaning they can be pretty testy. But there’s a lot of things we might need to speak to them about–sex, drugs, college, and mental health to name a few. Open communication would make parenting so much easier, if only teens were willing to try!To help us solve our communication conundrum, we’re talking to Derek Borthwick, author of How to Talk to Anybody: Learn the Secrets to Small Talk, Business, Management, Sales & Social Conversations & How to Make Real Friends. Derek is a communication expert and certified business coach who specializes in neuro linguistic programming–meaning he knows a lot about how we use our bodies and words to communicate. He’s worked with some of the world's largest companies and lectured in many of Scotland’s most prestigious universities!In our interview, Derek and I are discussing how you can read a teens’ body language, how we can ask teens questions that don't scare them off, and why we need to focus on emotional rather than logical reasoning when talking to a teenager.The Basics of Body Language Although body language might seem secondary to verbal communication, it’s actually an essential part of how we express ourselves. How people stand, walk and move can tell us a lot about how they feel, says Derek. If a teen is hunched over, walking with their head down, or standing far away from you, it’s possible they’re feeling anxious around you…and maybe not in the mood to have a chat. But if their chest, arms and palms are open and facing towards you, they’re likely feeling comfortable and open to vulnerability, says Derek. Paying attention to their subtle cues can be a good way to know how receptive teens are to a conversation, he says. Derek suggests we practice by observing the body language of anyone who happens to be around. Does the person walking down the street towards us seem confident, nervous, relaxed or stressed? How can you tell? Is it in their shoulders, their hands or their stance? Learning the ins-and-outs of body language can help us become better communicators with our teens, but also with our coworkers, spouses and friends! So you’ve read your teens’ body language and can see that it might be a good time to finally bring up that bad test score….but how can you initiate the conversation without scaring them off?Asking the Right QuestionsAfter a week of avoiding the topic, you decide to have a talk about the math test–and ask your teen why they did so poorly. Suddenly, your teen starts throwing all kinds of defensive excuses your way, saying they haven't had time to study, they’ve been distracted, they’re just bad at math anyway…until the conversation ends up with an upset teen and a confused parent. But what exactly was the part of the question that triggered your teen…and how can we ask a better one? Derek explains that the word “why” can be a recipe for disaster when talking to teenagers. “Why” can often make teens feel you’re interrogating them, and waiting for them to say something wrong, says Derek.. Instead, Derek recommends using “what”, “when” or even “how”! Questions like: “What distracted you from studying?” or “When do you think you can make time to revisit the material?” prompts kids to give a more well rounded answer without having to defend themselves so much.If you want teens to feel safe enough to open up, Derek recommends softening your language when bringing up a heavy topic. One way to do this is to pad your sentences with reminders that you care, says Derek. This can help soften the intensity of talking about these tough topics with your kids. Remind them that you’re asking about their sex life or drug use because you want them to be safe…not because you’re trying to get them in trouble! To truly reach our teens, however, Derek explains that we have to lean into our emotions. In our interview, we’re talking about how we can do this…and why it's so essential!The Power of Emotions To explain the importance of leading with our emotions, Derek uses the example of flirting with a stranger. If we went up to someone we fancied and laid out ten logical reasons why they should marry us...they’ll probably make a run for the door! But if we tapped into their emotional state, we’d understand that they’d likely feel weird about that kind of introduction…and that we should find a more

D.J. Vanas, author of The Warrior Within, reveals how teens can find purpose, develop resilience, and maintain motivation by adopting the community-focused mentality of a Native American Warrior.Full show notesWhat comes to your mind when you think of a warrior? A sweaty, grizzled hunk swinging a sword around? A brave air force pilot in aviator sunglasses? Although we might think warriors are battle-hungry and reckless, some traditional Native American cultures have a completely different view. Instead, Warriors are pillars of the community: service-oriented, passionate, and hard-workers who are always ready to give back to those they love. No matter our cultural background, this version of a warrior is something our teens can take inspiration from. To help us pass on this new warrior mentality to our kids, we’re speaking with D.J. Vanas, member of the Ottawa Tribe of Michigan and author of The Warrior Within: Own Your Power to Serve, Fight, Protect, and Heal. D.J. is a powerhouse speaker for Fortune 500 companies, hundreds of tribal nations, and audiences nationwide. His ideas have been adopted by companies like Disney, P&G, Intel, and even NASA!This week, D.J. explains how teens can embody a warrior mentality and define their values, vision, passions, and purpose in the process. We’re also highlighting the difference between good and bad growing pains, and discussing how teens can stay focused in a world full of distractions.Values and VisionTo give back to their communities, kids first need to figure out what exactly it is they want to contribute! The first step is for teens to define their values, says D.J. Some teens want a life that incorporates love and compassion. Others may be driven by curiosity or the need for intellectual discovery. Whatever their values are, teens will benefit from deciding which principles to live their life by! This can help them pick and choose what people, places and things they want to welcome into their life–and which ones can be respectfully removed. When we know what our values are, we can eliminate the things that don’t align with them!D.J. also encourages teens to ask themselves the big questions: What do I want to create in this world? What do I want to leave behind? How do I want to be remembered? Although these questions can feel intimidating or scary, D.J. reminds us that warriors are courageous! If teens are brave enough to ask these questions, they’ll be one step closer to uncovering their purpose.Some teens do know what they want to do with themselves… but don’t have the confidence to believe in their dreams. D.J. and I talk about how this lack of confidence often comes from being criticized or put down by others. Young kids are so certain that they’ll become an astronaut or the president of the United States, but are dissuaded as they grow up, leading them to feel incapable or lost by their teen years. In our interview, D.J. reveals how we can help teens push past this criticism and believe in themselves!For teens still figuring it all out, there’s bound to be some growing pains involved. Some pain is healthier than others, however! D.J. and I are discussing what healthy growing pain looks like, and how teens can work through it and come out on top.Persevering Through Growing PainsGood growing pain is the kind that helps teens learn. It pushes them to become stronger, more resilient people, says D.J. Disappointment, embarrassment and failure are all painful experiences, but they're necessary for growth. But when teens focus too much on these painful experiences and allow the hurt to take over their lives, they can shut down, lose their creativity and find themselves at a dead end. This is the bad pain, says D.J., and it’s characterized by rumination and fear. D.J. explains that fear plays a big role in our lives as we’re growing up, and it’s up to teens to face it with courage. He explains that fear can sometimes cause teens to rewrite reality and believe they’re doomed! When a classmate or teacher criticizes teens' work, they might let their fear of failure overwhelm them, and get stuck in a pattern of believing they’re not good enough. But if they have the courage to be resilient in the face of rejection, they’ll pick up their pen and start again, leading them to grow instead of getting stuck. Warriors are persistent enough to power through painful experiences–and your teen can too!If we want to help teens face their negative emotions, D.J. recommends that we bring some positivity into the picture. He suggests we point out their strong qualities, applaud their hard work and praise their dedication, even when they’re facing failure! This reminds them just how capable they really are. In the episode, D.J. and I discuss more ways you can help a teen who’s feeling bogged down by negativity.For teens in today’s world, focus can be a challenge as well. D.J. is helping us see how a warrior mentality can help teens cut out distractions and stay motivated.Maintai

Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink joins us to talk about the drivers behind sky-high rates of anxiety and depression among young people—and how bio-synchronicity and emotional attunement might be the answer.Full show notesNowadays, kids have 24 hour access to the internet—meaning they can scroll through pictures of perfect models on Instagram, check the ever-terrifying news or log on to a chatroom with random strangers at any time of the day! And while this allows them to connect with others and learn more about the world, it can also lead to an overwhelming level of exposure to everything from cyberbullying to predators. Without parents there to steer them clear of danger, are kids bound to get into trouble?Not to mention that constant use of the internet–especially social media–can have seriously adverse effects on a kid's mental health. The perpetual pressure to live up to the images of perfection they see online has been linked to sky-rocketing growth in depression and anxiety disorders among kids. And it’s young women in particular who face the most expectations online–the expectation to be sexual without being too sexual, the need to have the perfect body, and the constant fear that they aren’t going to fit in with all their other peers.So how can we help girls who are struggling with the stressors of being online? We’re asking Donna Jackson Nakazawa, author of Girls on the Brink: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media. Donna is a science journalist who’s written for Wired, The Washington Post, The Boston Globe, and more! She’s also a mom, and was inspired to dive deeper into girls' mental health when she saw how much her daughter was affected by the perils of the online world.In our interview, we’re discussing how estrogen and the female immune system contribute to the development of mental health disorders among young girls, especially in our modern, media-driven world. Plus, how adverse childhood experiences affect kids into adulthood, and what we can say to help our teen girls feel supported during this stressful time.The Estrogen EffectThe internet can add stress to anyone’s life…so why do we need to focus on young women? Research shows that women are developing mental health disorders at an alarming rate compared to their male counterparts, explains Donna, and this ties directly into how much these young women use social media. But why?Donna explains that estrogen is the culprit. Since the dawn of the human race, women’s bodies have responded to stress with an intense surge of estrogen. This is because women typically have smaller bodies and even smaller organs than men, says Donna, and therefore need a stronger immune response to combat threats! This is why girls often have stronger responses to vaccines and have longer-lasting reactions to viruses like Covid-19. When their brains are still developing, girls are constantly looking to the world to sense if they’re safe or not….and with social media and the internet, girls often feel that they aren’t safe! This bumps their stress levels, leading their estrogen to provoke an immune response that floods their bodies and brains with inflammation. No wonder so many young girls are developing chronic physical and mental health conditions like autoimmune disorders and depression, she says.But that’s not even the worst of it! Donna explains how adverse childhood experiences can make this immune response even more harmful to young girls.Long Term Effects of Childhood ExperiencesWomen have more robust immune responses to stressors because of their hormones, says Donna, but there are other factors that can cause people to have intense reactions to stress. One of these factors is adverse childhood experiences. When we think of childhood trauma, we often think of intense moments like divorce or physical abuse–but Donna explains that these traumas can be milder and more common than we might expect. Feeling bullied by siblings, having a parent with substance use issues or experiencing mild parental neglect can all be adverse childhood experiences, she explains.With their brains still in development, young girls are perpetually trying to discern whether or not they are safe. Because these adverse experiences are often chronic and unpredictable, it can send a message to kids' minds that they are frequently in danger. Donna explains that this is largely a product of evolution–social ostracization of any kind could be extremely dangerous if it meant they were cast from the group without food or protection from predators. And although kids are no longer typically in physical danger from emotional neglect or bullying, their immune system still behaves as though they are! The more adverse experiences girls experience in childhood, the more their brain becomes acclimated to responding to stress, and the more intense it’s immune response. This causes chronic mental and physical health disorders to de

Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend and Wired to Create, joins our show to explain how we can help teens on their journey to self-awareness. Scott and I talk about healthy self-esteem, goal-setting, creativity, and more.Full show notesFiguring out who we are takes a lifetime. In our teens, we might think we’re destined to become a doctor…only to find out that med school isn’t for us. We might believe we’ve found our perfect match in our twenties, but then discover that there’s other fish in the sea. We might even experience a mid-life crisis and become an entirely new person at age fifty! Identity and self-awareness are complicated and different for everyone.To teenagers, however, it can feel like adult life is rapidly approaching….meaning they’ve got to figure it all out right away! They might rush into a college major, a relationship, or a big relocation when they’re not fully ready. It can be hard to know what you want for the rest of your life when you’ve only been alive for 18 years! This week we’re talking about identity, awareness and self- actualization, so we can help kids slow down and embrace the process of finding themselves. We’re joined by Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Scott is a humanistic psychologist who has taught at Columbia, the University of Pennsylvania and New York University. He writes the regular column “Beautiful Minds” in the Scientific American and hosts The Psychology Podcast, which has over 10 million downloads! His work has appeared in The Atlantic, Harvard Business Review, and Business Insider. He’s here to help us define self-actualization–and how our teens can harness it for a happier life.In our interview, we’re discussing how we can guide kids to develop healthy confidence, define their life’s goals, and access their creativity to discover who they truly are.Confidence Vs. NarcissismSelf-esteem can be complicated, Scott explains. While it’s definitely possible for teens to have a healthy sense of confidence in who they are, there’s also the possibility of narcissism. And although we often think of narcissists as loud, attention-hogging types, there are also quiet, unassuming narcissists, who keep their self-obsession in their internal thoughts and close relationships, he explains. Scott and I talk more about the difference between these two types of narcissists in the episode–but neither type is healthy or a sign of self awareness, Scott says.To help our kids develop healthy self esteem instead of narcissistic tendencies, we’ve got to treat them with compassion…but not too much! Scott explains that we shouldn't tell kids they are “the best” or teach them to compare themselves to others. Instead, Scott says we should remind kids that they are intrinsically valuable simply for existing. Instead of making them feel like high achievers, we should simply strive for them to feel like they are enough, he says.In the episode, we also talk about how kids can have healthy selfishness as well. This means they set proper boundaries with others for their own well-being, have a stable school/life balance, and generally just take care of themselves. People often give away too much time and energy to others, Scott says, and not necessarily in an altruistic way. Sometimes people can develop a certain kind of narcissistic complex that’s fed by helping others, but only in pursuit of their own egos, he explains. In our interview, we discuss how some of the worst behavior in human history has been declared “for the greater good”, despite being destructive and even inhumane.So teens have a healthy sense of self-confidence…but where are they going to direct it? Scott and I also talk about how teens can figure out their life’s purpose.Setting Growth-Oriented GoalsTeens love to set lofty goals, but they’re not always realistic…or what teens really want. Many teens strive to be famous on the internet, he says, but this goal often fails to help teens grow and self actualize. Scott advises that teens stay true to themselves when deciding what to do with their lives, and evaluate their strengths and deeper spiritual needs when planning out their latest ambition! He also recommends that parents sit down status-obsessed kids and help them reorient their goals towards personal and spiritual growth.Scott describes something that he calls a crystallizing experience–an affirming experience which helps us realize exactly what we want to do with ourselves for the rest of our life. Some teens are lucky enough to have this moment when they’re still young, but some don’t have it until later in life. Scott explains that it could happen any time, and even more than once! Our identities continue to grow and change, so teens shouldn’t feel pressure to have it all figured out right away.In our interview, Scott and I have an interesting discussion about hope in the face of rejection. While some animals have been researched and shown to experience a natural sense

Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports, joins us to discuss how the competitive culture of kids’ sports can be damaging to both parents and teens.Full show notesDoes your kid love sports? Whether they’re sliding into home base or scoring a touchdown, sports can be an incredible way for kids to stay healthy, make friends, and learn the value of teamwork. For some kids, sports can become a way of life, granting them a chance to travel or even bringing in college scholarship money. With so much to offer, it seems like sports are the perfect activity to sign kids up for.But it turns out that kids’ sports aren’t always the character-building extracurriculars we think they are. The youth sports industry is valued at over nineteen billion dollars, and that money is coming from parents who feel obligated to pay for everything from equipment to sports tourism. Severe injuries from playing too much can destroy our kids' long term health, and the status-driven nature of these sports takes a toll on our families and our culture as a whole! It’s time to take a critical look at our kids' sports teams, and decide if they’re doing more harm than good.This week, we’re joined by Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids Sports. Linda is a freelance journalist, researcher, former cross country coach and mom to an athlete herself! Her work has been featured in The Atlantic and Runner’s World, and she’s a regular contributor to NPR’s education site MindShift. Today, Linda is warning us about the dark side of kids’ sports, and what we can do to help our young athletes stay happy and healthy despite it all.In the episode, Linda and I are covering the damaging effects sports can have on families, why the pressure to win is harming our kids, and how we can help teens create a healthier connection to the sport they love.The True Cost of Kids’ SportsIf playing sports was totally free, the world would probably be a better place…but unfortunately most kids' sports force parents to spend a pretty penny. Memberships for private club teams, equipment, uniforms and traveling to games gets pretty expensive, meaning low income families are typically excluded, says Linda. And it gets worse–research indicates that the more money parents spend on sports, the less kids enjoy them. Linda explains that this is likely due to increased pressure kids feel knowing how much money is riding on their soccer victory.The damage to families goes past the financial costs, however. The current culture of kids’ sports drags parents into an obsession with status that can be very unhealthy, says Linda. She explains that kids’ wins and losses can start to feel like our own, and it’s not always easy to draw strong boundaries. This infatuation with our kids’ victories can even cause us to behave poorly at their games, yelling at referees or cursing at kids on the other team, Linda says. This isn’t exactly the kind of good citizenship we hoped kids would learn from these sports!Linda points out that traveling can also be a seriously damaging factor for families, especially for single parents. It can spread parents thin and force them to prioritize one sibling over another, she says. Kids are very attuned to this kind of imbalance in parents’ attention, and it can have lasting effects. Linda explains that this is especially true if one sibling is an athlete while the other enjoys more internal activities like reading. In the episode, we talk more about the strain kids’ sports can put on families and parents.While the family unit as a whole can be seriously affected, the damage that modern day youth athletics has on kids can be even more severe. Linda and I dive into the overwhelming pressure and even physical harm these sports can cause in our interview.The Dangers of Too Much PressureWe often look at college admission and scholarships as a major benefit for young athletes…but it can be a source of major stress too. Many teens who joined sports for fun as kids feel immense pressure to keep playing in order to get into better schools. Linda reveals in our interview that prospective students are 14x as likely to get into Harvard if they’re recruited to play on the schools’ sports teams. This can put kids in a difficult dilemma–and parents too. We might feel like we need to put all our money and time into kids’ sports careers, to ensure that they have a bright future.The pressure doesn’t stop there, says Linda. Prestigious, competitive club teams perpetuate an individualist approach to sports, she says, by pitting kids against each other for spots on the team, individual accolades and even financial aid. Plus, by recruiting kids from all over, these club teams aren’t striving to create community in a local place–they’re aiming solely for victory. In the episode, Linda also explains how these teams tend to cause tension between teens and their high school teams by forcing them to

Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD, joins us to talk about the traditional solutions to ADHD and the emerging science behind the likely triggers of the growing epidemic. She’ll walk us through natural solutions to remedy ADHD, chronic pain, and more. Full show notesMore and more kids are being diagnosed with chronic illnesses these days–anything from allergies to severe depression. You may have experienced this with your own teen, whether it’s constant trips to the psychiatrist for changes in anxiety meds, or endless food sensitivities that seem to come out of nowhere. In 2018, research revealed that 54% of kids are chronically ill, up from 15% a few years before. This means that chronic illness is growing among young people at a rapid rate…but why?The answer lies in our guts. We might view our digestive system as having one function–food in, waste out–but the truth is a lot more complicated. Our guts contain the mechanisms that monitor our immune system, regulate our bloodstream and even control our mind’s function! The food we put into our gut doesn’t just affect our digestion…it shapes our long term physical and mental health!This week, we’re talking to Dana Kay, author of Thriving With ADHD: A Guide to Naturally Reducing ADHD Symptoms in Your Child and founder of the ADHD Thrive Institute. Dana is a holistic health expert who focuses on educating parents about gut health. She helps families understand that a better diet can relieve symptoms for a myriad of health issues among children–including ADHD and other mental disorders. She’s worked with over one thousand families to create better overall health for chronically ill kids!In our interview, Dana breaks down the function of the gut within the body, and why so many kids suffer from conditions that result from poor gut health. We’re also discussing what dietary changes can be made to heal our guts, and how we can convince our kids to change their diets for the better.Why We Should Rethink Our DietAlthough we don’t always think about our digestive tract as central to our body’s long term health, it’s actually immensely critical to our physical and mental wellbeing. It contains 80% of our body’s immune system, billions of nerve cells and trillions of bacteria! It controls what enters our bloodstream–and therefore our entire body. Plus, it has a direct channel of communication with the brain. 90-95% of the body’s serotonin and 50% of the body’s dopamine are produced in the gut, meaning that our guts manage our moods, emotions, and cognitive function, says Dana.Dana explains that the typical American diet is full of substances that are pretty harmful to our guts. Packaged, processed, and convenience foods are chock full of artificial preservatives and chemicals that aren’t a natural part of our diet, and therefore damage our bodies. These foods break down the lining of the gut, which regulates the bloodstream, says Dana. As this lining breaks down, it no longer restricts toxins from flowing through our bodies, and doesn’t retain water and other important nutrients that are essential to the body’s function.When these toxins enter the bloodstream, our body tries to reject them, leading to inflammation. This causes a multitude of issues, including stomach aches, allergies, inattention, poor emotional regulation, brain fog, constipation–the list goes on. This means that when kids are suffering from serious anxiety or depression, diet can ultimately be the cause of the issue, as well as the solution, Dana explains. If we can focus on helping kids create a better daily diet, we can stop these chronic mental and physical health issues and get kids back on the right track.So what changes can teens and parents make to our diets to create a healthy mind and body? Dana and I are giving you a dietary breakdown on how to heal your bodies and minds.How To Have a Healthy GutIt turns out that lots of the food we eat on an everyday basis is actually pretty terrible for our gut health, says Dana. The worst three? Gluten, dairy, and soy. Dana explains that gluten is the most harmful, as it destroys the lining of our guts most severely and causes intestinal leaking. Dairy is central to the American diet, but awful for our gut. And while soy seems easy to cut out, Dana explains that there are a surprising amount of food products that list soy as an ingredient. In our interview, we talk more about how soy mimics estrogen production and can be really harmful for growing teens.Sugar is also not the best for our gut health, Dana explains. Sugary foods tend to be very artificial and refined, which is damaging to the intestinal lining. If the gut is in poor health and fails to deliver dopamine and serotonin to the brain, kids will seek these chemicals out anyway they can–including eating sugar. They can quickly get caught in a cycle of eating sugary foods every time they need stimulation or a pick-me-up, which can even lead to a serious sugar addiction, especially for kids with

Alex Pang, author of Rest, joins us to explain the cognitive benefits of taking time off and doing nothing! Plus, how non-work activities like sports, naps, and gap years can boost teens’ productivity and creativity!Full show notesWe want kids to be the best version of themselves, meaning that we often push them to their limits. We stack on extracurriculars to buff up their college apps, add in SAT classes, and sign them up for private lessons to make sure they’re the best flute player in the orchestra. Kids only have so much time to make the most of themselves, so they should spend every last moment studying, practicing, and bettering themselves…right?But what happens when kids suddenly find themselves burnt out? What if, with a crazy schedule, they’re not able to focus on their homework or pull out the sheet music as enthusiastically as they did before? Even though we have the best intentions, we can sometimes push our teens (and ourselves) too far past what’s healthy–and create not only exhaustion, but a lack of productivity, creativity, and imagination.That’s why, in today’s episode, we’re talking about the importance of doing nothing! We’re joined by Alex Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. Alex is the owner of the consulting company Strategy and Rest, which works with companies and individuals to create maximum productivity with shorter workdays! He’s a visiting scholar at Stanford, and the author of three other books about productivity and cognition.In this week’s episode, we talk all about the importance of taking restful breaks, and the psychological benefits of doing nothing! Plus how teens can benefit from non-work activities like sports, napping, and even playing video games!Why Rest MattersThe basic principle we often follow about productivity is that more time working=more work accomplished. We might load ourselves up with eighty hour work weeks, working long nights and weekends to try and max out our capabilities. But Alex is prompting us to challenge that. Once a busy, overworked employee in Silicon Valley, Alex left the United States to take a trip to the U.K., where he discovered a shift in culture and less structure in his work day! He found that working shorter hours and taking more breaks actually improved his productivity and creativity–and it can improve yours too!Alex explains that our brains have something he calls a “default mode network”, which turns on when the focused, working part of your brain turns off. When the default mode network is activated, your body goes to work behind the scenes, tackling problems that evade your conscious mind. Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you can’t recall a song lyric or the name of an actor…only for it to pop into your head ten minutes later while you’re watching TV? This is an example of your default mode network doing its job!Many prominent, iconic, and successful people have learned to harness their default mode network to improve their productivity. They know that this part of the brain allows the mind to come up with new ideas, make connections and recharge…then get back to business with a much more inspired and productive mindset, says Alex. Individuals like Beethoven and Nobel prize winners have strategically built time into their schedules to rest and let their default mode network run…basically doing nothing with the goal of increasing productivity!Alex is also a proponent of shorter work days and a four day work week. In the episode, we talk about a wealth of research which indicates that humans are most productive when they work only four or five hours a day! After that, our focus and concentration starts to wane, and we often get very little or nothing done. But with an extra day or extra hours in the week built in for intentional rest, we can take on the challenges of our work week much more efficiently and with extra creativity and imagination.The power of doing nothing only works if we’re doing the right kind of nothing, however. Alex explains that certain activities are more restful to your brain than others. The key is to do something that takes as little focus or concentration as possible, so that your subconscious mind can activate and restore you to your most creative state, he explains. Activities like television, video games, or even social media can have this restorative effect for teens–as long as they’re not overindulging, says Alex.There are some other methods of rest and rejuvenation that boost productivity and creativity for teens! Alex and I dive into these in the episode.How Teens Can UnwindIn our interview, Alex and I discuss how exercise can be a great way for teens to let go of work and stressors and let their mind wander. In fact, effective cognition is tied significantly to physical health, says Alex. Our brains love oxygen, and will take as much of it as possible! When we exercise, we increase our body’s oxygen capacity, and therefore power our brain to maximum sharp

Erik Huberman, author of The Hawke Method, joins us to talk about how we can empower teens to be self starters. Plus, how teens can pick a career path and think critically about what they spend their money on.Full show notesWe hope to prepare our kids for all of life’s challenges: staying healthy, maintaining relationships, and of course, managing money! The last thing we want is for our adult children to run home to us, bankrupt and ready to live in our basement. We hope that they’ll make wise financial decisions, fund their own lives and maybe even have enough to start families of their own someday!But money management isn’t something that's typically taught in schools…and there’s no script for how parents should teach it either! Parents have bickered for ages about the best way to set kids up for financial success. Should kids be getting allowances, credit cards and bank accounts? Is it wise for them to get a job while they’re still in school, or should they simply focus on their education?To give us some perspective from the other side, we’re talking to Erik Huberman, successful entrepreneur and author of The Hawke Method: The Three Principles of Marketing that Made Over 3,000 Brands Soar. Erik is the CEO and founder of Hawke Media, a marketing agency that has worked with over 3,000 different brands! He’s here to share some brilliant ideas about how we can teach young folks the ins and outs of financial responsibility.In our interview, we’re debating whether or not teens should follow their passion or pick a more responsible path. We’re also discussing how we can prepare kids for the brutal financial realities of life, and why we need to encourage teens’ to think critically about social media marketing.Helping Teens Find Their CallingSo your teen wants to be an artist…or an actor, or a professional soccer player, or a movie director. And you’re wondering…should I encourage them to chase their wildest dreams or pick a safer avenue? In Erik’s eyes, the solution is somewhere in the middle. Humans spend the majority of their waking hours working, he says, so trying to force our kids to spend all of that time doing something they hate isn’t exactly sustainable.In his eyes, we should stop using the word “passion”, as it's too nondescript. Instead, we should encourage teens to pursue something that brings them energy, something they’re good at and willing to work hard at! Instead of a passion, he refers to this as a “calling”. Lots of kids love the idea of being a rock star, but rarely actually feel motivated to sit down to play the guitar. Even though music might be their dream, they’ll find themselves becoming mediocre players. And if this is all they’ve got careerwise, Erik warns they might find themselves stuck in a bad spot.Erik explains that he loves to ski, but he doesn’t think he should become a professional skier. Only a select few skiers are good enough to truly make a living skiing, and there are other things he can do–things that make him excited and enthused to go to work in the morning. He suggests that kids go for the safer, more reliable route, so that they’ll have something to fall back on and not get stuck. This doesn’t mean they should do something they hate, however. They can still find something they’re good at and bring in some income, he assures.No matter what they choose to do with their lives, teens are going to be up against a lot of challenges in the adult world. Erik and I are discussing how we can start preparing kids now so they’ll stay afloat when grown-up obstacles come their way.Raising Self StartersTo equip kids with tough skin they’ll need to handle adulthood, we’ve got to empower them in a healthy way, says Erik. Giving kids the confidence to take on the world doesn’t come from flattering them at every corner and giving them empty compliments, he explains. Instead, we’ve got to help teens realize that they have the ability to tackle their problems –if they work hard and find creative solutions, that is.Erik believes that one of the biggest issues with today’s society is that we don’t encourage kids to solve their own challenges. Too often, we fix their issues for them before they have the chance to figure out their own solutions, says Erik. He suggests that we prompt kids to pay for their own movie tickets, or encourage them to bring their concerns up to teachers without our help. It might seem small, but solving these lighter problems will prepare teens to take on bigger problems in the future. In the episode, Erik dives deep into his own childhood growing up with an entrepreneur for a father–and how this shaped him into the smart businessman he is today. When, at the age of eight, he asked his father for a guitar, his father told him to go get a job and pay for it himself! So Erik took the few bucks he made in weekly allowance and turned it into a business reselling beanie babies and made more than four thousand dollars! This encouragement from his dad pushed him to build

David McRaney, author of How Minds Change, joins us to explain why it’s so hard to change a teens’ mind! We also talk about the psychology behind persuasion and the power of peer pressure in the teen social world.Full show notesIf you’ve ever tried to change your teen’s mind, you know that it’s nearly impossible! No matter how much you try to persuade them to take harder classes, hang out with different friends or pick more lucrative extracurriculars…they tend to stick stubbornly to their own choices. It can start to feel like you’re going crazy, spending hours of your life begging teens to change their minds–especially when it’s over something serious like drug use or toxic relationships.This disconnect applies not only in our homes, but our society at large. Our world is more divided than ever, and it seems like there’s no way to have productive conversations about what really matters. Online forums and social media have contributed immensely to this polarization, by allowing us to find people who agree with us wholeheartedly, never challenging our opinions or encouraging us to think critically. In some cases, this can lead people down rabbit holes into conspiracy theories or even cults–and it’s not easy to change their minds and bring them back!So how can we start up productive discourse and change people’s minds for the better? We’re talking to David McRaney to find out. David is a science journalist and author of the popular blog, You Are Not So Smart, which ran for years before becoming a successful podcast and bestselling book. Today, he’s here to talk about his latest book, How Minds Change: The Science of Belief, Opinion and Persuasion, to help us understand the fascinating psychological process of forming and changing opinions.In our interview, we’re discussing why it’s so incredibly difficult to change our teens’ minds about anything! Plus, David explains why we need to consider teens’ perspectives before making decisions, and breaks down the importance of peer groups in the persuasion process.The Importance of IntentionYou’ve asked your teen a hundred times to stop eating junk food, stop vaping, start going to SAT prep. You’ve even laid out all the facts to show them why they should listen to you…but they just don’t seem to care! Why is it so difficult to get anyone, especially teens, to change their viewpoint or lifestyle? David explains that providing facts and logic to try and sway someone doesn’t usually work. Teens are bound to cherry pick the information they want to hear, and conveniently ignore any facts that might disprove their opinion. So how can we change teens’ minds? David suggests that we start by revealing our intentions. Oftentimes, we don’t realize that we actually have the same goals as teens–and that we could be working with teens instead of fighting against them. For example, say you want your teen to stick to a strict curfew of 10:00 pm….but they haven’t been home before midnight in weeks. Although your main concern is keeping them safe, your teen might interpret this curfew as an attempt to control them and reject it outright. As David explains in the episode, people tend to resist when they feel their agency is being taken away–especially teenagers!The result? You continue to nag, and your teen continues to break curfew. If you want to stop the cycle, David recommends communicating your safety concerns to your teen, and help them understand that you just want them home in one piece. Most likely, they want to stay safe as well! Now the two of you have a goal you can work towards together–their safety. They might even agree to a compromise that makes the both of you happy, like texting you every hour or only going out late with certain friends.Even if you’re being honest about your intentions, however, kids can be pretty stubborn. But how did they get that way? In our interview, David and I are discussing the psychology of forming opinions…and refusing to budge from them!How Humans Handle the AmbiguousWhen we’re confronted with confusing information, our brains tend to work out some kind of solution or interpretation for the information we’ve just received–a process called disambiguation, as David explains. This process depends highly on our former life experiences, our access to information and our environment. This means that everyone disambiguates differently. When we see a new, trendy clothing style we aren’t used to, our brain might turn it from an ambiguous piece of clothing to something we dislike. Our teens, however, being from a different generation, might disambiguate these clothes in an opposite way..meaning you might be seeing them suddenly wearing something you think is strange or even ugly!These variations in disambiguation often cause serious conflict in society. People from different backgrounds form remarkably different interpretations of events and issues, and fail to understand how anyone could possibly disagree with their particular viewpoint. David expl

We’re hitting some of the highlights for our 200th episode. Take a listen to favorite insights, guests, and memories from the vault!Welcome to our 200th episode!In the past four years, we’ve covered a lot: dating, drug use, homework, hormones, screen time, sexuality, mental health, race and much more. We have had an incredible array of experts share their knowledge with us, and couldn’t be more grateful to see how our little show has spread to a worldwide community of parents of teens. To help our newest listeners peer into our archives and remind long-time listeners of favorite gems, we’ve pulled together snippets from our most beloved interviews into a Supercut for our big 200th episode. We’re so happy to have you here as we reach this important milestone. From all of us here at Talking to Teens–Andy, Virginia, Brian, Priya, and Tancredi–thanks for tuning in. Whether it’s your first week listening or you’ve been here since episode one, we couldn’t do this without you. We’re honored to be a part of your parenting journey.

Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks, joins us to shine a light on how same-sex relationships and gender fluidity occur naturally in the animal kingdom—and how to use this knowledge as a conversation starter about sex and gender in your home.Full show notesTalking to kids about gender and sexuality isn’t easy. Maybe you want to start the conversation but don’t know how to approach it, or maybe teens are dropping some terminology about their identity that you don’t quite understand. These days, kids seem to have an entirely new language to label their sexual preferences and gender, and it can make parents feel confused or alienated. Not to mention, it can be pretty awkward to discuss sex, no matter who or what our kids are interested in!But starting this conversation signals to kids that you accept them–which can be incredibly powerful. A recent study by the Trevor Project found that 42% of gay teens have considered suicide…and in many of these cases, parents didn’t even know their own child was gay. Whether your teen is out and proud or struggling in silence, they’ll certainly benefit from an open conversation around sexuality and gender in your home.So how can we get our teens talking about sexuality? Well, we can start by reminding them that it’s totally natural! This week, we’re sitting down with Eliot Schrefer, author of Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality. Eliot is a New York Times bestselling young adult novelist and book reviewer for USA Today. While getting a Masters in Animal Studies at New York University, Eliot learned the fascinating ways that the natural world defies heterosexuality and gender binaries–and decided to write a book about it!In our eye-opening interview, Eliot dives into how various species exhibit homosexuality and gender-bending behaviors in the wild! We also talk about how we can start breaking down heteronormative narratives for our teens, and how we use certain language to help teens feel comfortable opening up about their own gender and sexuality.Gender and Sex In Other SpeciesWe’ve all likely been raised to believe that humans are the only species that exhibits homesexual tendencies…but that couldn’t be further from the truth! In fact, according to Eliot, there are around 1500 different species in the animal kingdom that have significant same-sex interactions in the wild. We often don’t see this in nature documentaries because most animals are sexually monomorphic, meaning they look the same to humans regardless of their gender. However, these creature are definitely involved in same-sex relationships, according to scientists. But why would animals behave this way? Isn’t their main goal to reproduce and pass on their gene pool? Eliot explains that while reproducing is significant to these animals, they’re also interested in the oxytocin–the feel-good chemical that motivates animals to bond and floods the brain during sex. This oxytocin can lead animals to have intercourse with those of the same sex, to not only feel good, but also form strong social ties within their community that can give them a competitive survival advantage.In our interview, Eliot and I discuss various species who have both same-sex and reproductive sexual relationships. Eliot explains that some species like bonobos, our closest primate relative, actually have more female-on-female sex than reproductive, male-on-female intercourse. Similarly, male bottlenose dolphins will mate with females to reproduce, but only form long-term partnerships with other males–having sex over 2.4 times an hour while the females raise the baby on their own!There are lots of other examples same-sex relationships among other species, which we discuss in the episode. Eliot explains how some animals break the gender binary, while others have asexual same-sex partnerships! All of this occurs naturally in the animal kingdom, reminding us that nature isn’t heteronormative or cisgender. Eliot and I talk about how we can work towards helping kids understand that their identities are also natural and not something to be ashamed of.Should We Censor Sexuality?Growing up in a different generation, we were rarely given helpful or even accurate information about homosexuality. In the episode, Eliot shares an anecdote about growing up as a gay youth, trying to find more resources or confirmation about his own sexuality. Instead, he found damaging and confusing information that made him feel as though he had a defect! This hurt his confidence and self-esteem for years, and kept him from coming out to his friends and family. And although resources have certainly improved, there’s still work to be done, Eliot explains.In our interview, we discuss recent legislation which attempts to restrict the inclusion of gay and trans identities in children’s school curiculum. The logic behind this is to keep the existence of gay or transgender individuals out of kids heads, so that they won’t be “swayed” to change their

Thibaut Meurisse, author of Master Your Emotions, joins us this week to explain how we can process negative emotions in healthier ways. He also shares why we need more self-compassion and how we can stop caring what others think.Full show notesMastering our emotions is no easy task…especially when we have teens pushing our buttons all day long. It can be nearly impossible to keep our anger and frustration from overflowing when teens talk back, stay out past curfew, or repeatedly refuse to put down their phone! Whether they’re purposefully trying to antagonize us or just have a bit of rebellious teen spirit, kids’ behavior can stir up some serious negative feelings for parents.When we don’t learn to process these negative emotions, they can build up and last for weeks, months, or even years–harming our mental health, productivity, and overall quality of life. But if we can learn to handle anger or sadness in healthy ways, we can unlock a more peaceful, prosperous existence for ourselves and our families.To help us harness our emotions, we’re talking to Thibaut Meurisse, author of Master Your Emotions: A Practical Guide to Overcome Negativity and Better Manage Your Feelings. Thibaut is an acclaimed author of over twenty books about behavior and mentality, and the founder of lifestyle website whatispersonaldevelopment.org. His work has been featured on wellness websites like Llife Hack, Tiny Buddha, and Goalcast!In our interview, Thibaut sheds some light on how both parents and teens can process their negative emotions in a healthy way. Plus, we discuss the immense value of self compassion, and Thibaut explains how teens can stop caring about what others think!Reframing Our EmotionsWhen negative emotions arise, we sometimes let them stick around for a bit too long. If a teen says something that really hurts us or we fumble an important project at work, we can walk around for days ruminating about it. We let the anger and sadness keep us from being productive, or feel so guilty about what happened that we don’t let ourselves relax. But what if there was a better way to handle all this excess negative energy so that we could be happier in our daily lives?Thibaut explains that there are three steps to processing our emotions: interpretation, identification, and repetition. When something happens–say, a teen slams a door in our face–we’ve got to interpret it. In this case, we might interpret this as rude behavior or disrespect! Then we’ve got to identify how we feel about it, says Thibaut. We might feel angry, frustrated, or powerless. Finally, we emphasize this feeling to ourselves over and over, making it hard for us to get out of a negative thought loop, Thibaut explains.In order to get ourselves back on the path to positive feelings, we have to change the way we go through this process, says Thibaut. In the episode, we discuss some methods that both parents and teens can use to prevent negative emotions from taking over their lives. One valuable technique is the daily or weekly practice of recording your emotions, Thibaut explains. He suggests writing down the emotions that arise within you every day, noting where they originated from, and brainstorming what you could have done differently to prevent those tricky feelings from bubbling up. He recommends encouraging teens to do this too!One important way we can prevent negativity in our daily lives is by practicing self-compassion. Thibaut and I are explaining how self compassion works on an everyday scale and how you can start being kinder to yourself.The Secret of Self-CompassionSometimes, when we’re trying to implement self-discipline, we ditch positive self-talk in favor of harsh criticisms of ourselves. We might think that being friendly to ourselves will only cause us to backslide into weakness! But being kind to ourselves can actually have the opposite effect, Thibaut explains. When we’re struggling to meet a goal or find ourselves frequently failing, tough self-criticism can sometimes lead us to just give up altogether. If we dont believe we’re good enough to succeed, then we won’t give ourselves a fighting chance.This can be especially true for teens who are still trying to figure it all out. It’s not easy to decide what you’re doing with your life, all while navigating all the social, academic and emotional challenges of modern day teenagerhood. Thibaut explains that teens today are also especially affected by all of the media they’re constantly consuming. Everything from Netflix to Tik Tok forces them to compare themselves to other, seemingly more successful people. In the episode, Thibaut and I talk about how teens can be more encouraging towards themselves as they’re growing into independent adults.Thibaut and I also dive into a discussion about defensiveness, and how it often originates from negative self-talk. When teens are constantly berating themselves, feeling bad because they flunked a chemistry test, they may feel deep down that they are st

Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain, joins us to talk about how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins create happiness and habits in our teens’ minds.Full show notesSometimes teens behave in ways that seem truly inexplicable. One day they'd rather die than miss a trip to the mall with their friends...and the next they can’t stand a single one of those same friends! They want to join the lacrosse team but won’t go to a single practice, date someone new every week, and change their future career three times in one day. It seems like they’re being motivated by something behind the scenes…something that even they don’t understand!In reality, teens are acting under the influence of all sorts of brain chemicals that developed as a result of evolution. Beyond just the reproductive hormones like testosterone and estrogen that we often associate with adolescence, kids are motivated by their internal reward system, including chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals cause teens to form habits and reward-seeking patterns that not only shape their teenage lives, but potentially their adult lives too!To understand how these chemical forces work in the teenage brain, we’re talking to Loretta Breuning, author of Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels. Loretta is the founder of the Inner Mammal Institute, which provides resources for people to understand their pleasure-seeking brain chemicals and cultivate a happier life! In our interview, Loretta explains how oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins work, how these chemicals change teens’ behavior, and what happens when teens don’t get enough of them.The Chemicals Behind Your Teens’ BehaviorYou may have heard that brain chemicals like dopamine or serotonin are related to happiness, but how do they really work? Loretta and I dive deep into the different chemicals that motivate us by signaling pleasure in our minds. In our interview, she explains that these chemicals are not a part of our conscious, reason-driven mind, but instead our inner, mammalian limbic system. This part of our brain controls how we feel, while the outer cortex uses logic to process our lives, says Loretta. Because these two are somewhat disconnected, we are often confused about what’s motivating us and making us happy!Loretta explains that dopamine is one of the most important and significant chemicals in this reward system. It’s stimulated in our brains by attaining something we need or achieving a difficult task! For example, our ancestors had to scavenge for food in order to survive, so when they finally found and obtained nuts, berries, vegetables or meat, their minds were flooded with dopamine. This signaled to their brain that they should check back in the same place for food next time, ensuring their survival! In the modern day, this dopamine might come from ordering something we really want online, or finally finishing a book we’ve been reading for months. Nowadays, we can achieve this dopamine a little too easily, says Loretta, leading us to occasionally feel depressed. In our modern society, we don’t have to scavenge through the woods for food…we just have to walk to the refrigerator! This can lead to a lack of stimulation in teens’ brains, and may cause them to feel bored or complain that there’s nothing to do. This could lead them to seek out dopamine in less healthy ways, Loretta explains. She and I talk about a feeling she calls “dopamine droop”, further in the episode.Another important chemical is serotonin, which motivates us to earn respect from others. We receive serotonin when a crowd laughs at our jokes or cheers us on. Many times, we receive this chemical when we’re provided entry into some kind of exclusive clique, or feel ourselves move up in a hierarchy. This is what motivates teens to win football games, run for student body president, or accumulate hundreds of Instagram followers! It doesn’t last forever, says Loretta, leading us to constantly seek more and more. Even when we’ve received the highest award we can possibly get, our minds are often desperate to know when the next one is coming.In the episode, Loretta and I talk about two other pleasure chemicals: oxytocin and endorphins. In addition to explaining what these chemicals are, Loretta and I are also discussing how they motivate teens to act certain ways.Cultivating a Happy MindIn our conversation, Loretta explains that teens are at the peak of neuroplasticity–meaning that they’re particularly susceptible to falling into reward-seeking habits that stimulate these chemicals. These habits might just stick with them as they grow into adults, so Loretta suggests encouraging them to think critically about how they search for that regular boost of happiness in their daily lives.Loretta and I talk about how humans tend to receive a serotonin boost when they put others down, especially when th

Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature, joins us to discuss the role of both nature and nurture in teens’ development. He explains why we shouldn’t attribute teens’ abilities to biology, and shares the significance of both parental and peer influence on teens.Full show notesFor centuries, parents have been locked in a nature vs. nurture debate, trying to uncover the forces behind our teens’ development. Some parents believe nature has majority control over who teens become, and that things like personality, mental health issues and risk of addiction are passed down through the gene pool. Others think that these factors are mainly influenced by socialization, parental behavior and cultural influence–meaning the way we treat our kids shapes who they become. When teens are exhibiting behavior we’re not exactly proud of, it can be tempting to blame biological factors. We let ourselves off the hook, claiming that there’s nothing we could have done to stop their substance use or aggression anyway. But constantly attributing kids’ behavior to nature can be inaccurate and even harmful! It stops us from critically examining the way we've influenced our teens, and even perpetuates certain sexist or racist agendas by declaring “natural” differences as the foundation for discrimination.To understand the nuances of this ongoing nature vs. nurture debate, we’re talking to Jesse Prinz, author of Beyond Human Nature: How Culture and Experience can Shape the Human Mind. Jesse is a Distinguished Professor of philosophy and Director of the Committee for Interdisciplinary Science Studies at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York. He’s been conducting research on the mind for over twenty years, and has authored multiple books and over a hundred articles on topics like consciousness and emotion.In our interview, Jesse and I are discussing how using nature as the default explanation for kids’ development can lead to harmful discrimination. We’re also discussing how affluence plays a role in who teens become, and debating whether parents or peers have a biggest influence on teen behavior.Why We Shouldn’t Blame Genetics With so much revolutionary tech and research in the field of genetics in recent years, Jesse notes that humans seem to be trending towards biological explanations for a variety of human conditions. However, as we discuss in the episode, he finds that we’ve been categorizing too many things as innate and out of our control–and it’s been holding us back.In the episode, Jesse and I discuss a concerning conclusion drawn a few years back, when this idea of natural, biological differences was incorrectly used to explain discrepancy. When Harvard president Larry Summers was examining levels of enrollment in STEM fields at his university, he found that there were significantly less women in math and science majors. To explain this gap, he remarked that there must be an innate difference between men and women that endows certain natural talents to males–and males only.As Jesse and I discuss in the episode, this explanation fails to take into account the real reason why women shy away from STEM professions. Young women are constantly socialized to believe they aren’t as capable as men when it comes to crunching numbers or solving equations! In our interview, Jesse dives into a wealth of research that indicates parents and administrators are much more likely to encourage male students to challenge themselves on math or science homework, while simply giving female students the answers. Most shockingly, Jesse explains that we usually do this subconsciously, even if we believe that male and female students are equal in their capabilities.In fact, students face a lot of unequal treatment, and not just on the basis of gender. Jesse and I are also discussing how lower socioeconomic status can hold students back, even on tests that are simply supposed to measure innate intelligence.How Affluence Affects Teens’ AbilitiesRelying on nature to explain the differences in our teens’ aptitude can often fail to account for differences in socioeconomic status, Jesse explains. Our education system hands our kids a lot of standardized tests, assuring us that if our kids are naturally smart, they’ll perform well. But as Jesse and I discuss in the episode, wealthier students who can afford private tutoring or advanced classes for the test typically score 20% higher than those who can’t…meaning that being gifted sometimes isn’t enough.Some students also face a phenomenon known as the stereotype threat, a sensation experienced by minorities who fear that stereotypes about their race or gender might apply to them personally, explains Jesse. This often occurs during high pressure situations, and is especially common for those from poorer backgrounds. Many women and people of color have been socialized to believe they aren't going to perform as well as their counterparts on these standardized tests–and studies show that when they h

Ruth Gotian, author of The Success Factor, explains how teens can cultivate the right mindset for success. Plus, how our kids can figure out their life’s purpose and find strong mentors to guide them.Full show notesWe want our kids to be successful: find and excel at their passions, achieve remarkable things and of course, make enough money to be independent from us! But how can we help them get there? Some teens have plenty of ambition but can’t quite match it with work ethic. Others seem pretty apathetic to their future career, and some just don’t know what to do with their lives! Whatever situation your teen is in, the road to success is bound to be a rocky one. Luckily, there are ways we can help our teens make success a reality! Teens can achieve anything–if we just guide them towards developing the right mindset. There are tools we can use to help lost teens find their spark, and bring already ambitious teens even closer to their dreams and goals.Our guest this week is here to share some incredible tips for cultivating a prosperous life! Her name is Ruth Gotian, and she’s the author of The Success Factor: Developing the Mindset and Skillset for Peak Business Performance. Ruth is the Chief Learning Officer and an Assistant Professor of Education in Anesthesiology at Weill Cornell Medicine. Her work is featured regularly in Forbes, Psychology Today, and the Harvard Business Review, and she is internationally recognized as an influential thinker in the world of management and leadership.In our interview, we’re talking about how teens can develop the right mindset for success. We’re also discussing how we can help teens find their life’s passion and why mentors and social circles are so critical to finding success.How Our Mindset Can Make or Break UsWhen we talk about becoming successful people, we tend to talk about habits. We imagine waking up at 5 AM to exercise, mediate, drink green smoothies and watch the stock market. Then we try all that….and it we just end up tired, hungry and still far from successful! While these habits can help some people, they’re realistically not for everyone, says Ruth–especially not for teens! With the grueling schedule of high school, homework and extracurriculars, these kinds of habits are only going to exhaust them, not bring them closer to success.Instead, Ruth suggests that we help teens emulate the same mindset, but figure out their own habits. She recommends we prompt teens to evaluate their schedule to figure out the hours in which they’re the most productive–which is likely not 5 AM! Ruth refers to these as “peak performance hours”, when teens can do the most challenging active tasks. Then, during times when they typically get more tired, they can schedule in some passive tasks like answering emails or reviewing flashcards! Figuring out how to optimize productivity is one of the most essential parts of having a success-oriented mindset.In the episode, Ruth and I also discuss how the right mindset can help teens block out negativity! Ruth explains how we can act like either teflon or velcro when someone tries to bring us down. If we act like velcro, we allow their negative words to stick to us all day and make us feel less than. But if we decide to adopt a teflon mindset, we can deflect their comments, and let them slide off of us without a care. Easier said than done though, right? In our interview, Ruth shares some tips for adopting this teflon mentality.Even if teens have the ambition and mindset for success, they might not know what to apply it to! It’s not always easy for teens to find their purpose, but with Ruth’s help, we can guide teens to figure out their life’s passion.Helping Teens Find Their “Why”It can be frustrating when teens seem to quit everything they try, leading us to wonder if they’ll ever figure out what they’re passionate about. Ruth encourages us to be patient and let them try lots of things until they discover what’s right for them. Doing this allows teens to find their “why”, which Ruth defines as the underlying motivation for anything and everything they do. In her work with med students, Ruth has found that those with the strongest “why” are the ones who persevere through every challenge.For some people, their “why” is self-improvement, pushing them to become great athletes or musicians. Others may have lost a loved one to an illness, and want to join the medical field to help others in need. Some are angered and saddened by injustice, leading them to become lawyers or politicians. The sooner your teen can figure out what gets them out of bed in the morning and motivates them to work hard, the sooner they’ll start seeing successes in their lives. In the interview, Ruth and I talk about how teens often don’t feel passionate about what they’re learning in school–and how we can change that. As an educator and former PhD student herself, Ruth knows what makes students thrive or struggle. She explains that subject based learning, where teens

Dr. Louann Brizendine joins us to talk about how sex hormones affect teen’s behavior. Plus, how teens establish a social hierarchy with their peers and why seemingly simple conversations with teens sometimes turn into full blown arguments.Full show notesWhen our kids are being moody and dramatic, we tend to just roll our eyes and chalk up their behavior to hormones. We know their bodies and brains are changing…so they’re going to have some growing pains! But when we say the word “hormones”, do we know what it really means? Beyond just affecting our kids' emotions and physical development, how do these chemicals really work within our teens' bodies as they evolve from kids to adults?To understand how hormones affect our teens, we’ll have to go way back…all the way back to conception! Hormones have been affecting our kids since they were little more than a fertilized egg. Understanding how hormones act on the mind and body throughout the human lifespan can help us understand what’s going on during the teens years–and why teens can be so angry, sad, confused and angsty!To help us get to the bottom of all the hormonal changes, we’re talking to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of both The Female Brain and The Male Brain. Louann is an endowed professor of clinical psychology at the University of California, San Francisco, where she also founded the Women’s Mood and Hormone Clinic. She’s dedicated her life to studying how hormones change human behavior, thoughts and emotions.In our interview, Louann is helping us understand our kids’ hormonal timeline, from the womb to adulthood. We’re also discussing the difference between female and male social behavior during the teen years, and how hormones can cause simple conflicts to escalate into intense arguments with teens.The Hormone TimelineAlthough we often associate hormones with the teenage years, these chemicals are powerful forces that shape our kids before they’re even born! Louann explains that our hormones, especially testosterone, begin to have major effects on humans when a fetus is only six weeks old. If the fetus carries XY chromosomes, its entire body and brain will be marinated in testosterone after six weeks, says Louann, creating male anatomy. For fetuses with the XX chromosome, this testosterone is absent, leading them to develop female features as a default!Louann explains that males face an intense influx of testosterone as they go through puberty. For boys, testosterone levels go up steadily for their entire childhood, hitting a peak around age fifteen. During adolescence, Louann says that boys see a 250x increase of testosterone, making them rather eager to begin mating! This is the period in which young men begin to find themselves interested in females, says Louann, something that’s incredibly normal. In the episode, we discuss how we can help our sons understand that all these new feelings are simply a part of getting older, not something to be ashamed of.For young women, a hormonal timeline tends to look more cyclical, especially after menstruation begins, says Louann. In the episode, we talk a lot about the hormone cycle women go through every month. You might be worried when your daughter suddenly starts dressing differently or talking about boys, but it’s likely a result of her ovulation, when her body tells her to turn on the charm, says Louann. And the idea of “PMS” is more than just a joke–women really do experience intense emotions as a result of hormone changes when they’re about to experience their period, Louann explains. For teens, hormones cause more than just body changes–they also affect social and emotional behavior, especially when it comes to interacting with peers. In our interview, Louann and I are discussing how boys and girls experience social hierarchy and rejection differently.Hormones and Teen Social HierarchiesInterestingly, Louann tells us that friendship between females is incredibly rewarding–much more so than friendship between males. When women are sharing secrets and confiding in one another, their minds release hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, meaning they feel happy and safe. This likely developed for evolutionary purposes, explains Louann. Having deep connections with other women can help females develop an extra layer of protection and support for both herself and her potential offspring.On the other hand, teen girls can have very catty and conflict-filled relationships! But why would this happen, when female friendships are so rewarding? Louann explains that this drama is most prevalent in the teen years, as girls are still developing self-image and find themselves constantly comparing their own bodies to those of other women. During this period, young girls can have a lot of very painful, self loathing thoughts, says Louann, leading them to lash out against other young women who are potentially receiving more attention from males.It’s different for boys, however, Louann explains. Male hierarchies are most l