Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Todd Baratz, author of How To Love Somebody Without Losing Your Mind, explains how parents can navigate conflict in their relationships with their teens and partners, fostering true intimacy and realistic expectations.Full Show NotesNavigating relationships with teenagers can be incredibly challenging. There's often conflict, emotional rollercoasters, and moments when parents feel like they might lose their minds. But what if these hardships are an essential part of genuine intimacy? What if the idea that relationships should be free of conflict is setting us up for disappointment? Understanding these dynamics can transform the way we interact with our teens and partners, helping us build stronger, more connected relationships.In today's episode, we delve into these questions and more with Todd Baratz, a renowned sex therapist and author of How To Love Somebody Without Losing Your Mind. Todd's expertise is grounded in both professional practice and personal experience, making his insights relatable and actionable for parents looking to improve their relationships.Unrealistic Expectations and Their OriginsTodd points out that many of us grow up with unrealistic expectations about relationships, often rooted in fairytales and media. These perfectionistic ideals lead us to believe that true love should be effortless and devoid of conflict. When reality inevitably doesn't match up, we feel deeply disappointed. Todd explains how understanding and adjusting these expectations can make a significant difference in our relationships, whether with our partners or our teenagers.The Importance of Open ConversationsThrough conversations with his own parents, Todd learned that many of the relationship patterns he struggled with were inherited, rooted in intergenerational trauma. He emphasizes the importance of openly discussing family histories and personal stories with our teens, helping them understand that love and relationships are shaped by cultural and familial contexts. By fostering open and honest communication, parents can equip their teens with a more realistic view of relationships.Addressing Unrealistic Relationship Expectations in TeensMany parents wait until they notice their teens becoming sexually active or entering relationships to start important conversations about love and sex. Todd argues that it’s crucial to begin these discussions early, providing comprehensive education about relationships before issues arise. He suggests creating a relational environment where curiosity and open dialogue are encouraged. This proactive approach helps teens develop a healthy, realistic understanding of intimacy and relationships.Healthy Communication and Emotional ManagementHealthy communication is about more than using "I statements" and validating emotions. Todd and I discuss how real, healthy communication often involves discomfort and conflict, which are essential for growth. We talk about the concept of being "flooded" or overwhelmed with emotions and how parents and teens can learn to tolerate these intense feelings. By acknowledging and understanding these emotional experiences, we can navigate them more effectively and deepen our relationships.Differentiation and Developing IndependenceDifferentiation is the process of becoming more distinct as individuals while maintaining a close connection. Todd explains how encouraging teens to develop their own identities and fostering their independence is crucial. This process helps teens grow into confident individuals who can manage their relationships healthily. He also discusses how parents can model differentiation by maintaining their own interests and identities outside of their roles within the family.Addressing the Realities of IntimacyTrue intimacy requires a willingness to be uncomfortable and to hear what we might not want to hear. Todd emphasizes that healthy relationships involve work and are rarely perfect. By embracing this reality, parents can set a more realistic example for their teens, teaching them that good relationships are built through effort and resilience, not through seeking perfection.In the Episode...Join us to uncover insights about:- How pain and conflict are essential for intimacy- Realistic vs. unrealistic relationship expectations- The importance of open, honest conversations about family history- Techniques for managing emotional overwhelm - Encouraging teens’ independence while maintaining strong connections- Redefining healthy communication in relationshipsDon’t miss this enlightening episode with Todd Baratz, and remember to share and subscribe!

Kristina Kuzmic, author of I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, shares personal insights on handling teen depression, substance use, and the importance of connection over control in parent-child relationships.Full Show NotesParenting a struggling teen comes with challenges that can often feel insurmountable. Whether you're facing issues like lying, substance use, tantrums, or even violence and aggression, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and at a loss for solutions. Understanding how to foster an environment where your child feels seen and supported—despite the chaos—can make a significant difference in both your lives.When Kristin Kuzmic's son began showing signs of severe depression and substance use during his teen years, she embarked on a journey to understand, support, and ultimately help him heal. Her story, detailed in her latest book, I Can Fix This and Other Lies I Told Myself While Parenting My Struggling Child, offers a wealth of knowledge for parents in similar situations.Joining us on the show today, Kristina explains how her initial reluctance about sharing her journey turned into a powerful testimony of the strength and resilience required to parent a struggling child. With her son’s blessing and contribution, the book became a crucial resource for parents dealing with similar issues.Identifying Signs of StruggleKristina noticed her son's change in behavior around age 12—what began as typical teenage mood swings escalated into serious signs of depression. From isolating behaviors to violent outbursts, Kristina's home became a battleground. Persistent therapy sessions seemed futile until the deeper issues at play were properly identified as clinical depression. Recognizing that these behaviors are symptoms of deeper issues, not simple teenage rebellion, was a vital step in addressing his struggles.Connection Over ControlA theme that permeates Kristina’s approach is the necessity of connection over control. She emphasizes that the first instinct of many parents—controlling behavior—is often counterproductive. Instead, she advocates for a connection-driven approach, focusing on truly understanding your child’s individual struggles and needs. Practical steps like using grounding techniques and calming your own responses to their actions can open up channels for genuine communication and support.The Power of Showing UpThroughout Luca’s most troubling times, Kristina maintained a constant presence in his life, even when he tried pushing her away. This persistent showing up helped build a foundation of trust that eventually allowed her son to turn to her in his moments of deepest need. This approach is a testament to the importance of being physically and emotionally present, even when it feels like you're not making a difference.Navigating the Maze of Mental Health SupportFrom psychiatric care to residential treatment centers, Kristina and her family navigated the complex mental health system. She shares valuable advice on making these decisions and finding the right support systems while emphasizing the importance of consent and involvement from the struggling teen.The Overlooked "Good" ChildWhile dealing with a struggling child, it’s easy to overlook siblings who appear to be coping well. Kristina warns parents against this oversight, sharing how her daughter suffered silently while maintaining a facade of stability. Ensuring that all children in a family receive the attention and support they need, regardless of apparent signs of distress, is crucial.Self-Care is Not SelfishKristina discusses the often neglected topic of parental self-care. Facing the immense emotional toll of supporting a struggling teen, parents might feel guilty for any self-indulgence or personal time. However, Kristina argues that taking care of oneself is also an essential part of being an effective, compassionate parent. Both her anecdotal experiences and the transformative advice from her friend Zach highlight that parents maintaining their personal well-being inadvertently lift a significant burden off their children.Communicate Clearly, Even with a SpouseAnother key element Kristina found beneficial was maintaining open communication with her spouse through daily emails. This practice allowed them to express emotions and concerns without confrontation, resulting in a stronger partnership and a united front in dealing with their son’s struggles.In the Episode...Throughout our conversation, Kristina offers profound wisdom and practical advice for parents dealing with similar challenges. Other topics we cover include:- How to address violent behavior stemming from depression- Strategies for creating a trust-based rather than control-based relationship- How enforcing too much consistency may actually be counterproductive- How to spot signs of hidden depression in “good” kidsIf you are a parent, guardian, or anyone concerned about a struggling teen, you won't want to miss this episod

Heather Hester, author of Parenting with Pride, joins us to discuss the essential do's and don'ts for parents when their teenager comes out as LGBTQ, offering practical advice on supportive communication, unlearning biases, and addressing mental health and substance use concerns.Full Show NotesEvery parent wishes to be a source of unwavering support and love for their children. However, when a teenager comes out as LGBTQ, many parents find themselves unprepared and anxious about how to respond appropriately. Initial reactions can be critical, as negative responses may have lasting repercussions on the teen's mental health and self-esteem.Introducing Heather HesterOur guest today is Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and the host of the podcast Just Breathe. Heather is also the author of the newly released book, Parenting with Pride: Unlearn Bias and Embrace, Empower, and Love Your LGBTQ+ Teen.With years of experience providing guidance and education to parents and allies of LGBTQ young adults, Heather is here to help us understand how to navigate this sensitive yet profoundly important process of supporting our LGBTQ teens.Why Initial Reactions MatterComing out is usually the culmination of a long and often painful period of internal conflict for teens. Heather explains that parents must recognize this journey and approach their teen's coming out with an emphatic and supportive response. Contrary to instinctive reactions like "Are you sure?", which can undermine a teen's confidence, parents should focus on affirmations such as "I love you," "Thank you for telling me," and "I've got you."Heather shares that parents often inadvertently project their own fears and biases into the conversation, which can be damaging. Instead, she advises parents to work through their own uncertainties separately and to avoid placing these burdens on their child.Understanding the Process and Stages of Coming OutIt's a common misconception that coming out is a single event. Heather clarifies that it’s a process composed of several stages, ranging from internal acknowledgment to public declaration and ongoing self-acceptance. By the time teens come out to their parents, they have typically already gone through significant internal struggles and are well past the initial phases of questioning and doubt.Recognizing this can help parents offer more meaningful support and understand the continued journey that lies ahead for their teen. This perspective also highlights the importance of ongoing support, as coming out is a recurring event each time a teen enters a new environment, such as changing schools or starting a new job.Different Identities and OrientationsHeather also emphasizes the importance of understanding the diverse range of identities within the LGBTQ spectrum. These include not just lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations, but also gender identities like transgender and non-binary, as well as terms like intersex and asexual. She encourages parents to ask open-ended questions like, "What does that mean to you?" to foster a supportive and educational conversation.Addressing Mental Health and Substance UseStatistics show that LGBTQ teens are at a higher risk for mental health issues and substance use due to societal pressures, bullying, and a lack of affirmation. Heather explains the importance of proactive dialogue about these issues and remaining vigilant for changes in behavior. It's essential for parents to provide a safe and accepting home environment while also being prepared to seek professional help if needed.Emphasizing Present AcceptanceOne of the most impactful ways parents can support their LGBTQ teen is by expressing unconditional love and acceptance for who they are right now. Often, in an attempt to be encouraging, parents may focus on their child's future potential, inadvertently sending the message that who they are currently is not enough. Heather advises celebrating the teen's current strengths and acknowledging their journey to date.Episode Highlights- The critical impact of initial reactions when a teen comes out- The process and stages of coming out for LGBTQ teens- Distinguishing between sexual orientation and gender identity- Addressing mental health and substance use concerns in LGBTQ teens- How to express unconditional love and acceptance for your teenIn the Episode….Heather's insights are invaluable for any parent navigating the complexities of their teen coming out. On top of the topics covered above, we also discuss: - Strategies for unlearning personal biases - The role of professional support in addressing mental health - How to create an affirming home environment - The importance of critical thinking in processing societal messages You can find more from Heather Hester on her website, chrysalismama.com, or listen to her podcast, Just Breathe. Don’t forget to share and subscribe to the podcast for more insightful conversations on parenting teens.

John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit, explains how parents can identify when their teens are bullshitting and how to raise teens who critically evaluate the information they encounter.Full Show NotesAs teenagers grow and seek more independence, they can sometimes wield sophisticated tactics to avoid responsibility or twist the truth to their advantage. This behavior, often dubbed “bullshitting,” can make the challenging task of parenting even more complex. But how can parents distinguish between harmless exaggerations, outright lies, and simple bullshit?In today’s fast-paced and information-saturated world, parents must not only navigate their teen's emerging independence but also teach them to identify and resist bullshit from other sources. Teens today are bombarded with information from social media, peers, and other influences, making it crucial for them to develop robust critical thinking skills. But how can we ensure that they are equipped to navigate this complex landscape effectively?Enter John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit. John is not just a researcher but an expert who has delved deeply into the concept of bullshit, differentiating it from lying and studying its impacts on individuals and society. With over a decade of empirical research under his belt, John’s work provides invaluable insights into how parents can better detect bullshit and teach their teens to be critical thinkers.Understanding BullshitJohn introduces us to the nuances that differentiate bullshitting from lying. While both bullshitting and lying involve deception, the bullshitter often doesn't care about the truth—they aim to sound knowledgeable or impressive irrespective of the facts. This indifference towards the truth can have severe implications, influencing our beliefs, memories, and critical decisions.John shares fascinating findings from his research, including how people are more prone to bullshit when they believe their audience lacks expertise or won’t scrutinize their claims. This is where parents can start: by fostering an environment where claims are questioned and critical thinking is actively encouraged.Why Bullshit MattersMany parents might underestimate the significance of their teen’s bullshit, thinking it’s benign or non-malicious. However, John highlights how unchecked bullshit can cloud judgment, lead to poor decision-making, and have lasting negative impacts. It’s essential for parents to stay vigilant and model skepticism, not to erode trust, but to nurture an atmosphere where truth and logical evaluation are paramount.Teaching Critical ThinkingIn the episode, John shares actionable tips for parents to encourage their teens to become critical thinkers: Ask Questions: Encourage teens to think through claims by asking them, “Is that true?” or “Why might that be incorrect?” Model Skepticism: Show by example how to question information and sources without being cynical. Create a Safe Space: Allow your teen to discuss their ideas and beliefs openly, ensuring they understand it’s okay to be wrong as long as they’re committed to finding the truth. John also emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to recognize their own susceptibilities to bullshit, which can come from a desire to fit in, sound knowledgeable, or alleviate awkwardness. By making critical thinking a fun and engaging activity, parents can help teens sharpen their bullshit detection skills without feeling attacked or dismissed.Tackling External Bullshit Teens today are also vulnerable to external bullshit from influencers, social media, and even certain educational resources. John encourages parents to: Discuss Case Studies: Go through dubious claims seen on social media together and break down why they might be misleading or false. Encourage Fact-Checking: Teach teens how to verify facts, check sources, and look for credible evidence before accepting claims as true. Daily PracticeTo make critical thinking an integral part of daily life, John suggests engaging in exercises that involve scrutinizing everyday statements and testing claims. This can start with simple issues—like evaluating advertising claims—and build up to more complex discussions, such as analyzing political statements or media reports.In the Episode…John and I explore a host of additional topics, including: Why experts aren’t always right How to constructively challenge bullshit without causing conflictThe relationship between confidence and bullshit susceptibilityThe role of personality traits in bullshitting tendencies By the end of this episode, you'll have gained valuable insights into fostering a bullshit-free environment and empowering your teenager with the critical thinking skills needed to navigate today’s world effectively. Don’t forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert parenting insights!Tune in to this enlightening discussion and share it with fellow parents to help them naviga

Tiziana Casciaro, author of Power For All, joins us to explore the intricate power dynamics between parents and their teenage children, shedding light on effective strategies for sharing power, preventing power abuse, and empowering teens to make constructive choices in their lives and communities.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers presents a unique challenge in the realm of power dynamics. As children enter their teenage years, the once clear-cut power balance between parent and child begins to shift. Teens seek more independence, making decisions that parents may not always agree with, and sometimes even rebelling against parental authority. This shift can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and power struggles within the family.This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the world of power dynamics between parents and teenagers with Tiziana Casciaro, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of Toronto and co-author of the insightful book *Power For All*. Her extensive research and work provide a profound understanding of how power functions and can be used positively within relationships, making her the perfect guide for parents navigating these turbulent waters.The Essence of Power in Parent-Teen RelationshipsTiziana breaks down power as simply the ability to influence others' behavior and explains how this concept applies universally—from the teen wishing to gain more freedom to the parent hoping to guide their child towards certain behaviors. Power dynamics within the family evolve as teens grow, seeking validation and influence beyond their parents, which can dilute the parents' direct influence over them.Empowering Versus ControllingOne key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your teenager is understanding the difference between exercising power over them and empowering them to make their own decisions. Tiziana discusses how sharing power and responsibility with teens can lead to mutual respect and better decision-making. By recognizing and validating their growing need for independence and control over their own lives, parents can foster a relationship based on trust and shared goals rather than on authority and rebellion.The Impact of Power on Relationships and IdentityTiziana illuminates how power can change people, often leading to overconfidence or inattentiveness to others' needs and desires. This phenomenon applies to both parents and teens as they navigate their changing relationship. Parents must balance their authoritative role with their child's growing need for autonomy, while teens must manage their newfound power without completely rejecting parental guidance.Educating Teens on the Use and Abuse of PowerAn essential part of parenting is teaching teens about the implications of power in wider societal contexts, including the importance of democracy, collective action, and moral responsibility. Encouraging teens to critically evaluate the leaders and influencers they choose to follow can empower them to contribute positively to society.Strategies for Positive Power DynamicsThe episode concludes with practical advice for parents on fostering positive and productive power dynamics within their family. By understanding what their teens value and strive for, parents can position themselves as allies in their teenagers' pursuit of happiness, security, and self-esteem.Additional Topics Covered:- Identifying and supplying what teenagers value as a strategy for shared power.- The role of democracy and collective action in teaching teens about power.- The dangers of unchecked power and the importance of accountability.- Encouraging teens to voice their opinions constructively, even in disagreement.- Real-life examples of power dynamics reshaping family relationships for the better.Listening to this episode will provide parents, educators, and anyone involved in a teenager's life with a deeper understanding of how to navigate and negotiate power dynamics for healthier relationships and positive development. Don't miss this insightful discussion on empowering our teens and ourselves.Listen to the episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on parenting teenagers.

Craig Wright, author of The Hidden Habits of Genius, explores the patterns and habits behind history's greatest minds, discussing curiosity, risk-taking, and why genius doesn't always equate to happiness.Full Show NotesRaising a teenager comes with its unique set of challenges, and one of the most daunting tasks for any parent, teacher, or guardian is nurturing the inherent potential within each young adult. Whether it's about encouraging academic excellence, supporting extracurricular passions, or simply guiding them through the trials of adolescence, the aim is often the same—to help them excel and perhaps, uncover a touch of genius along the way.But what really makes a genius? Is it an IQ score that soars off the charts, an unyielding talent in arts, or perhaps something deeper, something nestled within the folds of daily habits and choices? This week on Talking to Teens, we are thrilled to welcome Craig Wright, a Professor Emeritus from Yale and the esteemed author of The Hidden Habits of Genius: Beyond Talent, IQ, and Grit. Unlocking the Secrets of Greatness. With years of experience and research backed by travels across the globe to study history's most remarkable minds, Craig brings a new perspective on what truly cultivates greatness.Craig offers a fascinating breakdown of what defines genius, rebuking the traditional confinements of IQ scores and talents as sole indicators of a masterful mind. Instead, he introduces us to the equation G = S * D (Genius = Significance * Duration), opening a dialogue on how significance and duration play into the legacies of known geniuses and how these metrics can apply to our understanding of achievement and brilliance.Curiosity Over ScoresCraig emphasizes the paramount importance of curiosity and broad interests as foundational elements of genius. The quest for knowledge and the eagerness to engage deeply with various topics can often outweigh the benefits of scoring perfectly on standard tests or focusing solely on specialized subjects. He argues that the SATs and academic grades, while important, should not be the be-all and end-all of a teenager's development.Embrace Risk and Learn from FailureThe discussion delves into the idea that true geniuses are not only risk-takers but also individuals who see failure as a springboard for further exploration and discovery. Craig shares insights on how geniuses, despite their unparalleled contributions to humanity, often lead tumultuous personal lives, suggesting a degree of self-centrality required to push the boundaries of convention. Yet, it's this very ability to confront the unknown and recover from setbacks that fuel innovation and exceptional achievement.Cultivating Genius at HomeFor parents, the goal isn't to mould their children into the next Einstein or Da Vinci forcibly but to encourage an environment where learning, curiosity, and resilience are valued above all. Craig provides practical advice for fostering a safe space for intellectual exploration, emphasizing the importance of allowing teens the freedom to pursue their interests widely.Nurturing Tomorrow's InnovatorsIn a world where specialization and immediate gratification often overshadow the virtues of patience and exploration, Craig's insights are a refreshing reminder of the values that truly nurture greatness. He advocates for a broader educational experience—encouraging teens to immerse themselves in liberal arts and humanities to develop empathy, critical thinking, and a broader understanding of the world.In this Episode...Join us as we discuss more hidden habits of genius, touching upon:The importance of moving and exposure to cultural epicentersThe distinction between prodigies and geniusesStrategies for improving concentration and productivityThe role of constraints in fostering creativityDon't miss this enlightening conversation with Craig Wright and discover how you can support the teens in your life in unlocking their potential for greatness. Who knows? The journey might just reveal a budding genius ready to change the world.Listen to the episode now, and don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights and strategies on navigating the complexities of teen parenting.

Kristin Neff, author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself," sheds light on the pivotal shift from cultivating self-esteem to fostering self-compassion in our children, especially through the tumultuous teenage years.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers is an odyssey filled with highs and lows, during which we often focus on bolstering our kids' self-esteem and ensuring they excel. Yet, emerging research pivots our attention towards the essence of self-compassion, a force equally potent yet profoundly different.We're joined by Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the realm of self-compassion. As the author of "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" and a mother to an autistic teenager, Kristin introduces us to self-compassion not just as a concept, but as a transformative practice. Through her own journey and extensive research, she's unearthed how self-compassion can be a beacon of hope and resilience for parents and teens alike.The Self-Esteem TrapOften, our parenting journey is underscored by a drive to boost our kids' self-esteem. However, an overemphasis on self-esteem can entangle our teens in a web where their worth is contingent on accomplishments, appearance, and external validation. Kristin sets the stage for a conversation on why shifting our focus from self-esteem to self-compassion can lead to healthier, more fulfilling adolescent years.How do we cultivate an environment of self-compassion in the midst of teenage turmoil? Kristin delves into the practical applications of self-compassion, from understanding its components—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—to embracing exercises and strategies that foster an inner sense of unconditional worth.The Ripple Effects of Self-CompassionDrawing from her personal experience with her son, Kristin illustrates the profound impact self-compassion has on parenting. She discusses how embracing our own imperfections as parents and fostering an attitude of kindness and understanding towards ourselves can profoundly influence our children's sense of self-worth, resilience, and overall well-being.In a world where teens grapple with identity, societal pressures, and the quest for belonging, self-compassion emerges as a compass guiding them towards authenticity. Kristin explores how self-compassion empowers teenagers to navigate these challenges with grace, encourages genuine self-exploration, and cultivates a robust, unwavering sense of self-worth that isn’t tethered to accomplishments or external approval.In This Episode...Understanding the distinction between self-esteem and self-compassion.Strategies for integrating self-compassion into daily life and parenting.The transformative power of self-compassion on teenagers’ mental health and self-worth.Practical exercises to foster a self-compassionate mindset in both parents and teens.Join us as we unravel the potential of self-compassion to revolutionize how we parent and empower our teens to lead lives marked by kindness, resilience, and unconditional self-acceptance.Listen to this episode, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into navigating the complexities of raising teenagers with empathy, understanding, and compassion.

Louis Weinstock, author of "How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What to do About It," explores toxic communication patterns, the impact of societal pressures on teen mental health, and strategies for fostering emotional empowerment and resilience.Full Show NotesToday's teenagers are navigating an increasingly complex world. With the rise of social media, economic pressures, and an overabundance of information, it's no wonder that parents are seeing an uptick in mental health issues among their teens. From anxiety and depression to learned helplessness, the challenges are myriad, but understanding their root causes is the key to effective parenting in modern times.Joining us on this episode is Louis Weinstock, a therapist, co-founder of the charity *A Part of Me*, and author of "How the World is Making Our Children Mad and What to do About It." Louis uses his extensive experience working with troubled kids and teens to discuss the deeper issues affecting our children's mental health and how parents can navigate these challenges to foster resilience, emotional empowerment, and healthier communication.Understanding the Impact of Modern Society on TeensLouis kicks off our conversation by delving into how society's ever-increasing demands and pressures have contributed to a rise in mental health issues among teenagers. He explains the importance of looking beyond labels and diagnoses to understand the root causes of our children's struggles. The first step toward change, Louis suggests, is for adults to do the inner work required to support our children through these tumultuous times.The Power of Emotional EmpowermentOne of the key themes in our talk with Louis is the concept of emotional empowerment versus resilience. He challenges the traditional notion that teens should simply "power through" adversity, advocating instead for a balance between acknowledging one's emotions and finding constructive ways to manage them. Louis offers insights into how parents can encourage their teenagers to be emotionally empowered, rather than resigned to their circumstances or overly reliant on parental rescue.Redefining Success and Navigating Social MediaWe also explore the crucial topics of success, social media, and the disconnection from our bodies. Louis presents an alternative view of success that goes beyond competition and material gains, emphasizing the importance of instilling values like kindness and compassion in our children. Additionally, he shares strategies for helping teenagers navigate the complex world of social media and reestablish a healthy connection with their bodies.Practical Exercises and InsightsThroughout the episode, Louis shares a variety of practical exercises and strategies for parents and their teens. From defining family values to engaging in meaningful conversations about uncomfortable topics, these tools aim to challenge toxic patterns, encourage critical thinking, and promote a healthier, more balanced lifestyle.In the Episode...Exploring the Drama Triangle and its impact on family dynamicsStrategies for breaking the cycle of learned helplessnessThe importance of unconditional love and slowing down in parentingPractical exercises for fostering emotional empowerment and resilience in teensRecommendations for navigating social media and redefining successJoin us for an enlightening discussion full of actionable advice on how to support your teenager through the challenges of modern society. Don't forget to share and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more insightful episodes on the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Tanith Carey, author of What's My Tween Thinking?, returns to discuss the distinct challenges and opportunities of parenting tweens, focusing on identity development, handling changing family dynamics, navigating peer influence, and fostering emotional awareness and introspection in 8 to 12-year-olds.Full Show NotesAs parents, witnessing our child morph from a carefree kid into a tween can sometimes feel like navigating uncharted waters. The tween years, traditionally seen as a quiet phase before the storm of the teenage years, are now understood to be a crucial period of identity development and emotional growth. It's a time when children start to question their place in the world, develop deeper peer relationships, and often begin to seek independence from their families.This week on Talking to Teens, we’re joined by Tanith Carey, a renowned author and educator known for her insightful books on parenting, including the highly-praised What's My Tween Thinking?. Tanith offers her expertise to unravel the complex emotional landscape of tweens and provides practical advice for guiding them through this pivotal stage.Identity Exploration and Peer InfluenceThe tween years are marked by a significant exploration of identity. Tanith explains that as children move through this phase, they start to compare themselves to their peers, which can lead to new insecurities and doubts. The establishment of more defined friendship groups also introduces tweens to the complexities of social hierarchies and conflicts. Tanith stresses the importance of preparing tweens for these experiences by discussing the broader picture, helping them understand the nature of social dynamics and encouraging self-reflection and emotional awareness.Navigating Family Dynamics and IndependenceAs tweens seek more independence, family dynamics can shift dramatically. Tanith shares how parents can manage these changes, from the tween's desire for private space to their evolving way of relating to family members. She emphasizes respect for the tween's growing need for autonomy while maintaining open lines of communication and connection.Tackling Tough Topics and Social Media InfluenceTanith and Andy dive into some of the more challenging aspects of parenting tweens, including handling exposure to negative societal messages and navigating the digital landscape. Tanith offers advice on discussing sensitive topics like appearance, peer pressure, and the impact of social media, highlighting the importance of encouraging tweens to critically evaluate the messages they receive and to develop a strong sense of self-awareness.Encouraging Emotional Awareness and IntrospectionOne of the key themes throughout the episode is the importance of fostering emotional awareness and introspection in tweens. Tanith shares strategies for helping tweens tune into their feelings and bodily sensations as a way of understanding their emotions, making healthier choices, and developing resilience. This focus on introspection is particularly vital in an age dominated by digital distractions and societal pressures.In the Episode…Apart from the topics mentioned above, Tanith and Andy also discuss: - The implications of early puberty and the impact on tweens' self-image. - Strategies for encouraging open discussions about difficult topics, including misogyny and consent. - The importance of modeling healthy emotional regulation and empathy. - Ways to support tweens in finding their "spark" or passion. - Techniques for balancing screen time with real-world activities and social interactions.Tanith Carey's work provides invaluable insights into the tween mind, offering practical tips and compassionate guidance for parents navigating these formative years. Her evidence-based approach emphasizes the importance of understanding, communication, and emotional intelligence in fostering healthy development and strong parent-tween relationships.Don’t miss this enlightening conversation on what it means to parent a tween in today's world. Tune in to learn more about how you can support your tween’s journey of self-discovery and emotional growth. Subscribe to the Talking to Teens podcast for more expert advice on the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Dr. Uma Naidoo, author of "This Is Your Brain on Food" and "Calm Your Brain with Food," discusses how dietary choices can significantly impact anxiety levels and overall mental wellness, highlighting the critical connections between gut health, inflammation, and the brain.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers is no easy feat, especially when dealing with the complexities of their mental health. In today's fast-paced and stress-filled world, an increasing number of teens are facing anxiety. While therapy and coping strategies are essential tools, there's an often overlooked component that could be contributing significantly to your teenager's anxiety: their diet.Our guest today is Dr. Uma Naidoo, a renowned psychiatrist, nutrition specialist, and author. Dr. Naidoo has made groundbreaking strides in the field of nutritional psychiatry, showcasing the profound effect food has on our mental state, specifically anxiety. Through her work, she uncovers the intricate connections between what we eat, the health of our gut, and how our brain functions.Understanding the Gut-Brain ConnectionDr. Naidoo takes us through the fascinating gut-brain axis, explaining how these two seemingly disconnected body parts communicate through neurotransmitters and hormones. Foods with high glycemic loads, artificial sweeteners, and certain fats can cause inflammation not only in our bodies but also in our brains, exacerbating anxiety and other mental health issues.Nourishment for Mental HealthTransitioning to healthier eating habits can seem daunting, but Dr. Naidoo provides practical advice and easy-to-follow steps for gradually making these changes. Focusing on whole, unprocessed foods rich in fiber, omega-3 fatty acids, and magnesium can have a positive impact on mental well-being. She also warns against the overconsumption of caffeine and the importance of avoiding foods that can interfere with medications prescribed for mental health conditions like ADHD.Nutritional Psychiatry at HomeFor parents, implementing Dr. Naidoo's advice means taking a more active role in food choices at home. She offers suggestions for incorporating more nutrient-dense foods into family meals and explains how simple swaps can lead to significant improvements in a teenager's mood and anxiety levels.In this episode, we also cover additional topics, including:- The effects of sugar and processed foods on mental health- Simple dietary adjustments to combat stress and anxiety- How certain foods can impact sleep quality- The relationship between diet and cognitive functionsDr. Naidoo's unique perspective on nutritional psychiatry provides a fresh outlook on managing anxiety through diet. It's a reminder that sometimes, the best medicine comes not from a prescription bottle, but from our own kitchens.If you're intrigued by the powerful connection between what we eat and how we feel, make sure to subscribe to Talking to Teens and look into Dr. Naidoo's work for more insights into harnessing the power of food to foster better mental health in your family.Listen to this enlightening conversation and start making those small, yet impactful changes in your and your teenager's diet today.

Tiffany Jewell, author of Everything I Learned About Racism I Learned in School, joins us to expose the myriad ways racism is embedded in the education system. We discuss the opportunity gap, biased disciplinary practices, problematic tracking, predatory military recruitment, and more - and what teens and parents can do about it.Full Show NotesToday's teens are facing unprecedented challenges - from pandemic recovery to economic uncertainty to navigating an increasingly complex digital world. But one of the most pervasive and overlooked issues affecting young people is the systemic racism baked into the very institutions meant to uplift and empower them - our schools.Students of color are more than twice as likely to be suspended or expelled. They're underrepresented in advanced classes and overrepresented in special education programs. Their schools are more heavily policed and their lockers more frequently searched. The curriculum largely sidelines their histories and the works of authors who look like them.How can we as parents, educators and advocates ensure that the school system is providing an equitable education and environment for all students? To unpack this crucial question, we're joined by Tiffany Jewell, anti-bias anti-racist educator and author of the new book Everything I Learned About Racism I Learned in School.In our conversation, Tiffany sheds light on the often subtle ways racism manifests in schools, and provides actionable guidance for teens and parents to question the status quo and advocate for change.The Opportunity GapRather than an "achievement gap," Tiffany argues what we're really seeing is an opportunity gap. Schools serving predominantly students of color are chronically under-resourced, understaffed, and overcrowded. Low expectations and biased perceptions from teachers limit students' potential. The result is a self-perpetuating cycle of inequity.Tiffany explains how parents can reframe the conversation around student success and advocate for more equitable allocation of resources and opportunities. She also shares tips for empowering teens to recognize and call out unfairness when they see it.Discriminatory DisciplineBlack students are four times more likely to face suspension than their White peers, often for minor infractions like "disrespect" or "defiance" that go unpunished for other students. Meanwhile, schools with majority students of color are far more likely to employ invasive tactics like suspicionless searches.Tiffany unpacks the biases and power dynamics driving these disparities, and offers strategies for parents to protect their teens' rights and dignity in disciplinary situations. She also discusses the importance of restorative justice models that address root causes of behavior rather than criminalizing students.Predatory RecruitmentMilitary recruiters aggressively target low-income schools and students of color, capitalizing on the lack of opportunity in these communities. Federal law requires "failing" schools to turn over student contact info to recruiters, who use coercive tactics to enlist teens with few other options.Tiffany shares eye-opening data on the military recruitment machine and its exploitation of the opportunity gap. She advises parents on how to opt out of recruiter contact lists and encourages teens to critically examine the risks and realities of military service.Curriculum & RepresentationFrom history to literature to STEM fields, the standard curriculum is overwhelmingly White and male. Students of color rarely see themselves reflected, and are implicitly told their stories and contributions are less important.Tiffany calls on parents and students to demand more representative, culturally-responsive content in every subject. She shares tips for supplementing classroom learning with diverse perspectives at home. Even small acts, like recommending a great book by an author of color to a teacher, can make a difference.Throughout our discussion, Tiffany emphasizes the power of an individual to question the status quo and gradually shift the system. As she puts it: "School could be a place that is so joyful and empowering...I know we can do better. Let's keep [our children's] amazingness and encourage them to continue being amazing."From practical advocacy strategies to empowering pep talks, this episode is full of wisdom and inspiration for anyone who believes in building a more just and equitable future for all students. Additional topics include:The myth of the "good" school and how it upholds segregationRecognizing and rejecting tone-policing and respectability politicsModeling allyship and using privilege to uplift othersRebuilding a school system that honors all students' brillianceFor more from Tiffany, visit her website tiffanymjewell.com or follow her on Instagram @tiffanymjewell. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week!

Chelsey Goodan, author of Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls, shares invaluable insights into empowering teenage girls through listening, validating their emotions, and encouraging a broader sense of self beyond societal expectations, while also addressing body image, feminism, and the struggles teens face today.Full Show NotesRaising teenage girls often feels like navigating a minefield of societal pressures, emotional upheaval, and misunderstood conversations. Parents strive to empower their daughters but find themselves grappling with how to breach topics on body image, confidence, feminism, and independence without exacerbating the situation. Today, more than ever, teenage girls are facing unprecedented challenges, from the pressures of social media to confronting traditional gender roles, leaving parents questioning how they can support their daughters through these tumultuous years.Our esteemed guest, Chelsey Goodan, brings a wealth of experience and insights to this conversation. With 17 years under her belt as an academic tutor and mentor for teenage girls, Chelsey has also lent her expertise as the mentorship director of the non-profit DemocraShe and the founder of the Activist Cartel. Her book, *Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls*, unveils the untapped potential and profound insights of teenage girls, urging us to listen more and to foster meaningful conversations that validate and empower.The Power of Validation and ListeningChelsey emphasizes the importance of allowing teenage girls to express their feelings without hurriedly offering solutions or dismissing their emotions. By simply validating their experiences and emotions, we can help them process their feelings healthily, building a foundation of trust and open communication. Chelsey provides practical insights into "holding space" for these conversations, demonstrating how we can encourage girls to find their solutions and gain confidence in their decision-making abilities.Breaking Cycles and Expanding IdentityThrough Chelsey’s stories and examples, we learn how to break the cycles of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and negative self-talk. Chelsey discusses expanding a girl’s sense of identity beyond academic achievements or singular interests, urging a multifaceted self-view that fosters resilience and inner strength. Encouraging exploration and supporting their passions can lead to a more balanced and fulfilled sense of self.Tackling Tough Topics with Radical HonestyFrom discussing feminism to confronting the unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by the media, Chelsey outlines strategies for having radical, honest conversations about the issues that matter most to teenage girls today. She offers advice on how parents can engage in these discussions, not by dictating but by opening up dialogues that respect and value the girl's perspectives and unique voices.Cultivating a Culture of ComplimentsChelsey highlights the intricacies of giving meaningful compliments that resonate with teenage girls, illustrating how specificity and authenticity in praise can make them feel seen, heard, and genuinely valued. This approach not only bolsters their self-esteem but also encourages a closer, more understanding relationship between parent and child.In the Episode:- How simple acts of listening and validating can transform your relationship with your teenage daughter.- Strategies to break the cycle of people-pleasing and perfectionism.- Approaching difficult conversations around body image, feminism, and identity with openness and curiosity.- The potent effects of detailed and heartfelt compliments.- Plus, Chelsey takes us through how to engage teenage girls in conversations about their interests, even if it’s about figures like Kim Kardashian, to explore deeper topics such as media influence and self-expression.Chelsey's insights serve as a beacon for parents navigating the complexities of raising teenage girls in today's world. Her emphasis on conversation, validation, and empowering girls to find their voice demonstrates the transformative power of understanding and support.Be sure to grab a copy of Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls for more of Chelsey’s invaluable advice. And remember, fostering an environment where teenage girls feel empowered, valued, and understood can make all the difference in their journey to adulthood.Listen to the episode for a deep dive into empowering teenage girls and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert advice on connecting with the teenagers in your life.

Sheila Liming, author of Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, explores the underestimated value of unstructured social time for teens, discussing why it's essential for developing negotiation skills, setting boundaries, and fostering creativity.Full Show Notes:In today's fast-paced world, parents often worry about their teenagers' productivity and safety. The idea of teens "just hanging out" can induce anxiety, conjuring images of wasted time or potential mischief. Yet, these unstructured moments play a critical role in adolescents' development, offering unique opportunities for learning and growth unattainable in more structured settings.Our guest, Sheila Liming, brings a fresh perspective on the art of hanging out. An accomplished teacher, essayist, and author, Sheila has extensively explored the complex dynamics of social interactions and their impact on individual development. Her book, Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, challenges prevailing notions of productivity, suggesting that these seemingly idle moments are foundational to shaping character and interpersonal skills.The Value of Unstructured TimeSheila argues that hanging out offers teens essential lessons in negotiation, boundary setting, and improvisation. Away from adult supervision and structured activities, teens learn to navigate social dynamics, make collective decisions, and, crucially, understand their own limits. This episode delves into why fostering these skills is crucial for their transition into adulthood.Overcoming the Stigma of Idle TimeThe common view of idle time as inherently unproductive overlooks its potential to strengthen relationships and community bonds. Sheila and host Andy Earle discuss how parents can reframe their understanding of what it means for teens to spend time together without a set agenda. They touch on the historical context of hanging out and how digital interactions compare with face-to-face gatherings.Embracing Risk and FlexibilityOne of Sheila's key messages is the importance of embracing risk and being open to the unpredictable nature of social interactions. For teens, navigating this uncertainty is vital for emotional development. The conversation covers practical ways for parents to encourage their teens to engage in healthy social experimentation while maintaining safety and trust.Making Time for ConnectionIn our busy lives, making room for genuine connections can be challenging. Sheila shares insights into why dedicating time to hang out—both for teens and adults—is more crucial than ever. She offers tips on how parents can model healthy social behavior and create opportunities for meaningful family interactions.Episode HighlightsThe misunderstood benefits of unstructured teen hangoutsHow hanging out fosters critical life skillsBalancing safety with the necessity of risk-taking in social settingsStrategies for parents to encourage healthy teen socializationThe evolving landscape of hanging out in the digital ageAmid a culture obsessed with productivity and screen time, encouraging teens to engage in the simple act of hanging out might seem counterintuitive. Yet, as Sheila Liming articulates, these moments are irreplaceable workshops for life's most valuable lessons. Tune in to learn how to support your teen in making the most of their social opportunities.Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation—subscribe to Talking to Teens to stay updated on insightful discussions aimed at making the journey of parenting teens a bit smoother.

John Coleman, author of The Psychology of the Teenage Brain, joins us to explain why the biology of the adolescent brain leads to risk taking and emotional ups and downs, and how parents can provide support during this temporary period of development.Full Show NotesThe teenage years can feel like an emotional rollercoaster for parents and kids alike. Why does your once sweet child suddenly start acting out and making baffling decisions? What drives them to take risks, rebel against authority figures, and make choices that seem completely irrational?In this week’s episode of Talking to Teens, we’re getting to the root of teenage psychology and behavior with an expert guide. We’re joined by Dr. John Coleman, a clinical psychologist who has spent decades researching adolescent development. He’s the founder of a research center focused on teens and their families, and is the author of the book The Psychology of the Teenage Brain.John explains that the ups and downs of the adolescent years can be explained by major changes happening in the biology of the teenage brain. As Dr. Coleman tells us, the teenage brain actually undergoes its biggest developmental shift since infancy, which shapes teen behavior in profound ways parents often don’t realize.The Teenage Brain: Pruning, Hormones and DevelopmentAs John explains, there are two major biological processes unfolding in the adolescent brain: pruning and hormonal changes.First, he describes the proliferation of gray matter that happens in late childhood. Gray matter contains neuron cells, creating lots of connections in the brain. But in the teen years, the brain eliminates unused neural connections through a process called pruning. This effectively “shrinks” the brain, reorganizing it to become more efficient. However, this leads teens to feel uncertain and confused.At the same time, John explains that hormone levels are fluctuating more intensely during adolescence than any other life stage. The hormones affecting mood, stress responses, impulsiveness and more vary greatly throughout the day, leaving teens emotionally unstable. This is why an event can make them despair one moment and elated the next.Understanding the changes happening biologically helps parents empathize with teens during this rocky transition, says John. Even though the period is temporary, it shapes how teens think, process information and regulate emotions in the moment.Why Teens Act Without ThinkingIn our interview, John provides a scientific explanation for why teenagers engage in baffling, risky behavior without considering consequences. As he explains, the brain networks connecting the emotional centers to the prefrontal cortex (the area controlling planning and decision making) are still immature in adolescents. So when intense impulses arise, the thinking part of teens’ brains can’t overcome these urges, leading them to act out without foresight about the outcomes.Helping Teens Develop Healthy BrainsThe good news is there are things we can do to help teens through this period, says John. Having routines, boundaries and open conversations about emotions helps them regulate their moods and behavior. We discuss how parents can model healthy emotional responses for kids, so they can build skills managing feelings that will serve them in adulthood.John also emphasizes that despite teens’ outward rejection of parents, they still heavily rely on parental support during this challenging developmental window. So staying patiently engaged as a caring guide remains important, even when kids are pulling away to assert their independence.

David Magee, author of Things Have Changed, joins us to explain today's teen addiction crisis involving social media, potent synthetic drugs and vulnerable mental health.Full Show Notes Teen substance use has drastically changed in recent years. With skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression and addiction, today’s parents are facing new and confusing challenges when trying to help their kids. We used to assume teens mainly struggled with peer pressure around drinking or smoking cigarettes. Now, teens face a host of new pressures tied to social media, a lack of sleep, and easy access to dangerously potent substances.To help parents understand what’s really happening and how we can better communicate with struggling teens, we spoke with David Magee, author of Things Have Changed: What Every Parent and Educator Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis.After losing his son William to an accidental overdose in college, David became an advocate for better understanding teen addiction. He now speaks nationwide to students and parents, and started the William McGee Institute for Student Well Being at Ole Miss.It’s Not The Same SubstancesToday’s teens aren’t using their parent’s drugs. While past generations struggled with alcohol, cigarettes or weaker strains of marijuana, today’s kids are taking synthetic drugs, often laced with fentanyl, that are exponentially more potent and dangerous, David explains.He describes a current epidemic of fake Adderall pills being sold to high schoolers and college students. The counterfeit pills are never actual Adderall, but instead made of unknown substances designed to be addictive. Almost all contain fentanyl, says David. Kids think they’re buying a familiar drug, but it’s actually much more treacherous.This is just one example of how substances have changed. David explains today’s marijuana can have THC levels of 70-90%, compared to just 4-8% in the 1990s. He says schools are shocked when drug tests come back 6 or 7 times higher than just a few years ago.Social Media Enables Secret AddictionDavid explains that the majority of illegal transactions happen over social media apps and payment platforms. Kids are finding connections on Instagram and Snapchat, then paying through Venmo or CashApp to stay under the radar.Seeing multiple Venmo payments in and out of a teen’s account every day could signal that something is amiss, says David. He explains that parents needs to understand today’s digital landscape to spot warning signs. Punishment and phone monitoring usually backfires, while asking caring questions can help kids open up.Focus on Feelings, Not Scare TacticsWell-meaning authority figures often take a punitive approach, trying to scare teens away from substances through condemnation. But David explains this usually has the opposite effect, making kids feel ashamed in ways that increase their desire to use.Instead, he suggests leading with empathy, compassion and care. Getting kids the right kind of therapy or counseling is crucial, preferably with someone who specializes in teen addiction. Building teens’ emotional intelligence through ongoing communication within families is key.Above all, David focuses on helping teens cultivate sustainable joy in their lives, not just harping on what they shouldn’t do. He explains that happy, engaged teens are less likely to self-medicate through dangerous substance use.If you found this episode helpful, check out David’s website at davidmcgee.com for more resources. His book provides practical guidance for parents and educators struggling with today’s newly complex issues around teen mental health and addiction. Please subscribe for more content that can help strengthen family relationships during the critical teen years.

Michael Rich, author of The Mediatrician’s Guide, joins us to explain why we must move beyond fear of “screen time” to have more nuanced conversations with teens about finding balance, meaning and ethics in their digital lives.Full Show NotesTeens today have never known a world without smartphones, social media, and round-the-clock internet access. As digital devices become more and more ingrained into every aspect of their lives, it's only natural for parents to worry about the impact all this technology might have.We often hear panicked stories about social media causing depression or video game addiction destroying kids' attention spans. It makes us want to snatch the screens out of teens' hands completely! But is going cold turkey really the best approach?To help parents navigate the digital age, we're talking to Dr. Michael Rich, an expert on kids and media. Dr. Rich is an associate professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School and the founder and director of the Clinic for Interactive Media and Internet Disorders at Boston Children’s Hospital.He's also the author of a new book called The Mediatrician’s Guide: A Joyful Approach to Raising Healthy, Smart, Kind Kids in a Screen Saturated World. As both a pediatrician and a former filmmaker, Dr. Rich has a unique perspective on why we should move past fear-based thinking when it comes to kids and technology.Rethinking "Screen Time"Trying to simply limit screen time is an outdated way of thinking, says Dr. Rich. Screens are so embedded into every part of life that trying to quantify daily use is irrelevant. Instead of counting minutes spent staring at a device, Dr. Rich encourages intentionality. This means being mindful, balanced and present in how we interact with technology.Dr. Rich coins these practices the “killer B’s.” Being mindful means understanding how device use displaces other activities, while being balanced means taking regular screen breaks. Most importantly, being present while using devices prevents us from missing out on real world connections. Trying to upgrade from texting to calling to in-person interactions is key.Looking Below Problematic BehaviorsIt’s easy to blame devices themselves for issues like addiction or bullying. However, Dr. Rich explains that problematic digital behaviors are usually symptoms of underlying issues like ADHD, anxiety, depression or autism spectrum disorders. Taking away teens’ access without addressing root causes may make problems worse.Dr. Rich notes that teens often see their devices as tools that help them cope with or avoid difficulties in their lives. Complete removal can heighten their distress. Instead, identifying and properly treating adolescents’ mental health is key to curbing unhealthy digital habits.Fostering Digital WellnessRather than seeing devices as inherently bad, Dr. Rich focuses on how we can use them for good. Social platforms and interactive games actually have huge potential for building community, creativity and emotional skills.However, teens need guidance on using digital spaces ethically. Dr. Rich encourages parents to model intentional digital wellness and have open conversations about pitfalls like compare/despair thinking or internet rabbit holes. Promoting self-awareness and balance helps teens build healthy lifelong technology habits.

Lance Burdett, author of Dark Side of the Brain, explains why teens generate unhelpful thoughts and how we can reframe anxious thinking by getting comfortable with discomfort.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers can feel like navigating an emotional minefield blindfolded. Their moods swing rapidly from joyful to gloomy, their friendships feel fleeting, and their interests change every five minutes. Meanwhile, the pressure to get good grades, gain college acceptance and determine their entire future weighs heavily on their shoulders.It’s no wonder teens get overwhelmed by this cocktail of hormones, peer pressure and looming adulthood. Their brains are firing on all cylinders, trying desperately to make sense of it all. Often, this neural chaos manifests as worry, anxiety, negative thought patterns and even depression.So how can we help teens move through this rocky passage of life? How can we get them to open up about their mental struggles instead of shutting down? Most importantly, how can we empower them to reframe unhelpful thoughts and take control of their own wellbeing?To gain some perspective, we’re speaking with Lance Burdett, a former police crisis negotiator turned adolescent mental health expert. Lance has worked extensively with teens and parents to help them understand the “Dark Side of the Brain” – the automatic negative thought patterns that often arise during times of stress.In his book Dark Side of the Brain and on today’s episode, Lance is explaining the science behind our brain’s threat detection system that generates needless worry. He’s also revealing why it’s okay for teens to admit they’re not okay – as long as they ask for help afterward. We discuss how parents can model self-care, help teens reframe anxious thoughts and teach kids to get comfortable with discomfort.Why Our Brains Make Sh*t UpThe human brain developed mainly to keep our ancestors alive on the African savanna over two million years ago. This means our brains are wired first and foremost for survival, not happiness, Lance explains.When our ancestors encountered threats like predators, adverse weather or lack of resources, their brains kicked into high alert, pumping out adrenaline and cortisol to ready the body for fight or flight. Unfortunately, our modern brains can’t tell the difference between a lion attack and a mean comment on Instagram. So teens often experience an exaggerated stress response to non-life-threatening issues like peer drama or academic pressure.This is why teens frequently catastrophize small problems, assume the worst and spiral into intense worry, Lance says. Their brains are simply acting on evolutionary impulses that once kept humans safe – but now cause needless stress. Understanding the brain’s tendency to “make shit up” can help teens reframe anxious thoughts as just their brains being overprotective.It’s Okay to Say “I’m Not Okay”Parents often tell struggling teens that “it’s okay not to be okay” to encourage them to open up about their troubles. But Lance warns that this mantra can be dangerous if left by itself, as it makes mental distress seem permissible. Instead, he advocates adding a second half – “it’s okay to say I’m not okay...as long as I ask for help afterward.”The most vital step for teens is the help-asking, Lance stresses. Admitting one is not okay is only the first move. What matters next is having teens reach out to friends, family members, counselors or crisis lines to get the support they need.Lance explains that previous generations hid mental health struggles due to stigma. But today’s teens can be more open about feeling depressed, anxious, overwhelmed or suicidal – on the condition that they let caring adults know they need support. Saying “I’m not okay” is the starting point, not the solution itself.Running Towards DiscomfortAs parents, we often try to smooth out every bump in the road for our teens to give them comfortable, happy lives. But Lance argues that facing difficulty is how teens build grit and perseverance. He uses the mantra “run toward the fire” to illustrate that teens should challenge themselves and even pursue discomfort - not despite their anxiety, but because of it.Lance encourages parents to step back from constantly intervening on a teen’s behalf with teachers and coaches. By facing problems head-on, teens gain confidence handling difficult situations. Start small by encouraging a shy teen to order their own food at a restaurant, Lance suggests. Taking ownership of tiny challenges gives teens courage to handle bigger hardships down the road.Discomfort also breeds self-awareness, Lance explains. Trying new things pushes teens outside their comfort zones where they can gain insight about their skills, values and preferences. Lance suggests parents promote diverse activities to acquaint teens with unfamiliar peers and experiences. Pushing boundaries expands their worldviews - which leads to personal growth.In the Episode...My conversation with Lance was

Dustin Dunbar, author of You’re Doing Great and Other Lies Alcohol Told Me, joins us to reveal the false messaging alcohol feeds teens about itself and discusses how parents can model alcohol-free lives to intrinsically give kids the skills to resist drinking culture.Full Show NotesTeenage years come with intense new social pressures – the urge to fit in, make friends, and figure out who you are can feel overwhelming. In the midst of this tumultuous period, teens are confronted with the prevalence of underage drinking all around them. Their peers are doing it, cool kids on social media make it look fun and exciting, and it seems like the “normal” thing to do.As parents, we want to protect our kids not just from the dangers of alcohol itself, but from falling for the many myths alcohol sells – that it’ll make you happier, more fun, more liked and more confident. The reality is, teens need tools and support to handle their insecurities, anxieties and difficult emotions in healthy, constructive ways.This week, we’re talking about how we can empower teenagers to develop self-awareness and stay alcohol-free amidst intense social pressures. We’re joined by Dustin Dunbar, founder of The Alcohol-Free Revolution and author of the book “You’re Doing Great (And Other Lies Alcohol Told Me)”.Dustin grew up surrounded by family members struggling with alcohol addiction. After overcoming his own battle with alcohol, Dustin has devoted himself to smashing the myths and lies alcohol tells young people. He’s here to reveal the tactics Big Alcohol uses to target teens, and explain why drinking culture is declining amongst Gen Z.Why Teens Are Drinking LessDespite the messaging bombarding them every day, today’s teenagers are actually drinking less than past generations. Dustin explains how teens are seeing through the deception inherent in alcohol advertising and social norms. More teens are prioritizing their health and wellbeing over fleeting social acceptance.Dustin reveals the shocking cancer risks of alcohol, and why social media influencers never show the negative consequences the next day. We discuss how parents can prompt critical thinking about the way alcohol is marketed to take advantage of teenagers’ insecurities.Emotional Tools For Handling AnxietyDustin explains why alcohol is so tempting for anxious teens – it suppresses nervous system functioning, numbing difficult emotions. Without alcohol, teens have to learn to sit with feelings of awkwardness, FOMO, insecurity and more.We discuss tools parents can teach teens to handle emotions healthily, like identifying underlying feelings, de-escalating anger, setting kind boundaries, and expressing needs calmly. Dustin shares how learning these tools transformed his relationships.Modeling Mindful DrinkingResearch shows parental drinking habits have an enormous influence on teens. Dustin implores parents to seriously evaluate their own drinking and model more consciousness. Substance abuse often masks unresolved trauma – Dustin explains why getting vulnerable and giving up numbing aids can lead to self-discovery.Becoming an Alcohol-Free Role ModelAs Dustin explains, parents’ own drinking habits can normalize alcohol for impressionable teens. Showing teens an alcohol-free lifestyle demonstrates better coping strategies for stress and models healthier social skills that don’t require liquid courage. Our interview dives into the surprising interpersonal benefits Dustin has experienced since quitting drinking.Joining the Alcohol-Free RevolutionDustin discusses the free global community he created to support people in transitioning to alcohol-free lives. Members find camaraderie in overcoming drinking triggers, guidance in handling new emotions now out of suppression, and inspiration from others navigating the journey. Dustin explains how membership gives lobbying power to eventually ban alcohol advertising, preventing further generational indoctrination.

Justin Lee, author of Talking Across the Divide, joins us to explain how parents can have more productive disagreements with teens by overcoming the ego protection instinct and using storytelling to find common ground.Full Show NotesParenting a teenager often feels like an ideological battleground. Their values, interests and worldviews can seem completely foreign to our own, causing rifts in our relationship almost daily. Navigating these choppy waters requires strategy and finesse so that we don’t widen the gap even further.This week, we’re learning how to bridge divides from someone who has made connections his life’s work. We’re joined by Justin Lee, author of the new book Talking Across the Divide: How to Communicate with People You Disagree With and Maybe Even Change the World.Justin has spent over 20 years facilitating thoughtful dialogue between groups that typically don’t see eye to eye. As the founder of the world’s largest LGBTQ Christian advocacy organization, Justin has firsthand experience bringing together people of divergent backgrounds. Now, he’s sharing his tried and tested methods for overcoming conflicts by focusing on shared interests and storytelling.Even when parents and teens sit on what feel like opposite sides of the ideological spectrum, we likely have more in common than we realize. By approaching rifts strategically instead of confrontationally, we can narrow divides and start effecting real change.The Ego Protection InstinctWhen tensions run high, our first instinct is often to double down on our position. After all, no one wants to look like the “bad guy” or feel embarrassed when realizing they’re wrong. This ego protection instinct kicks in, causing both parties to dig their heels in further in order to save face.Justin explains that the key to working through this instinct is to approach the conversation calmly and strategically. Making teens defensive will only cause them to reject our perspective entirely. By listening first instead of accusing, we make space for their viewpoint while getting them to lower their guard. This thoughtful approach makes them more receptive later on when we share our own story.Telling Our StoryWhen it comes time to share our side, Justin explains that facts and figures often fall flat. What really helps the other person relate to our position is hearing the story behind why this issue matters so much to us.By explaining our personal experiences, worries, disappointments and more, the other person gains empathy and understanding as to why we ended up with these strong beliefs. Storytelling helps them step into our shoes, seeing our views as reasonable instead of attacking our character. It also allows both parties to recognize each other’s stories as valid without having to denounce the other.Plotting a Way ForwardWithout a plan for how the conversation should end, we risk leaving the other person hurt or resentful. Justin encourages parents to think critically about what they actually want to gain before diving into tense talks. Do we want to “win” by making the teen feel stupid? Or do we want to gain a better understanding between us?By visualizing a story in which the teen’s past actions were reasonable and our new way forward makes sense, we provide a path that allows them to save face while still growing. With thoughtful compromises focused on shared interests rather than contradictory positions, we stand a better chance of inching closer together.No matter how far apart parents and teens may feel at times, Justin proves even groups with the most divergent views can find common ground through strategic, thoughtful dialogue. By leading with empathy and storytelling, we model good communication while bridging ideological divides one conversation at a time.

Janice Fraser, author of Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama, joins us to explain how families can have productive debates using decision-making frameworks that increase understanding between parents and teens.Full Show NotesBig family decisions often come loaded with drama. Choosing a high school, making plans for college, or deciding on a family vacation can easily erupt into endless debates. Teens plead their case while parents grow frustrated - and no one feels heard. So how can families have productive talks that lead to real decisions instead of arguments?This week we’re learning how better family decision-making can increase understanding and reduce drama at home. We’re joined by Janice Fraser, author of the new book Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama: Make Better Decisions By Working Together.As an executive coach and startup advisor focused on group decision-making, Janice has delivered workshops and coached teams around the world. She’s here to teach us how we can facilitate productive family meetings by reframing the way we look at big decisions.Why Family Drama BuildsDuring adolescence, teens develop their own perspectives - but parents don’t always make space to hear them. Without a framework for discussion, family debates can spiral as power struggles emerge. Parents may value efficiency and feel that their experience gives them authority, while teens want to feel autonomy and self-direction.To bridge this gap, Janice suggests focusing conversations around understanding rather than winning arguments. She explains that the real root of family drama lies in a values conflict, one that thoughtful discussion and compromise can usually resolve.Outcomes Over OutputsA key source of tension, Janice reveals, comes from parents and teens having different definitions of success. We often judge our kids by their outputs - their grades, achievements, sports records. But what teens really care about is meaningful outcomes that equip them for adulthood.Janice suggests reframing family talks around the outcomes we want for our teens, like confidence, purpose and responsibility. If we make decisions based on what moves us towards those outcomes, we can avoid getting locked into one narrow path forward.Tools To Organize PerspectivesOf course, gathering different viewpoints is easier said than done. Families need tools to structure productive debates. Janice details facilitation techniques she’s used at home, like writing discussion points on sticky notes before talking.Organizing ideas visually allows equal participation, avoids dead-end arguments and identifies shared priorities. Janice explains how to use methods like 2x2 matrices to focus on urgent topics and depersonalize debates.Modeling Conflict ResolutionThrough thoughtful facilitation, parents can model critical thinking and conflict resolution - skills teens need to thrive as adults. Janice explains that by creating an open, understanding environment, parents show teens how to handle differences maturely in their own relationships.Thoughtful family decision-making leads to better outcomes all around. Janice makes it clear that with the right tools, families can work together for everyone’s growth and success.In the Episode...My conversation with Janice was packed with insights on facilitating family harmony. We also discuss:Why radical self-acceptance enables progressHow to balance participation and authorityWhy the “right decision” mindset backfiresHow to know when a debate should endTo learn more from Janice, visit janicefraser.com or find her on Instagram @janiceleefraser. As always, don’t forget to share and subscribe!

Cai Graham, author of Fearless and Free, joins us to offer practical strategies for helping teens open up about their anxiety, break through communication barriers, and understand the science of their emotions, guiding them from silent struggles to active coping.Full Show NotesNavigating the turbulent waters of teenage anxiety can often feel like a daunting task for parents. Teenagers, caught in the storm of hormonal changes and social pressures, might close off, leaving us struggling to reach them. When they do grapple with anxiety, many teens lack the vocabulary or the comfort level to express what's happening inside them, and this silence can create a divide between them and the support they need. On the other hand, parents may feel helpless or at a loss for the right words when they notice their teen's distress. But there's hope—and it begins with understanding, communication, and the tools to change the narrative around anxiety.Enter our guest, Cai Graham, a parenting and teen coach, speaker, podcaster, and the insightful author behind the workbook "Fearless and Free - A Step by Step Blueprint to Conquer Anxiety." Cai brings to light the nuances of teenage anxiety from both parental and adolescent perspectives, delivering frameworks and actionable tactics for starting those necessary conversations.Understanding Anxiety's Hold on TeensCai dives deep into the heart of anxiety, explaining the biology behind it, and destigmatizing the experience for both teens and their parents. She dismantles the shame that can often shroud feelings of anxiety, unpacking why teens might feel a troubling sense of isolation when confronting their worries. By reframing these emotions as natural, Cai enables parents to foster an environment where teens can approach their apprehension without fear of judgment.Communication Tools for Tough TalksCai introduces the 'three questions'—a game-changing tool for parents to get teens talking without overwhelming them. This exercise offers teens the space they need to measure their emotional temperature in a safe space. Through this straightforward approach, the dialogues that once seemed impossible start to flow, creating a foundation for mutual understanding and trust.The Role of Self-Compassion in HealingSelf-compassion is key in the fight against anxiety. Cai urges both parents and teens to exercise it, arguing that it's crucial in the face of setbacks. By examining failure as feedback, not defeat, teens can learn resilience. Cai's discussion on self-compassion serves as a powerful reminder for parents to lead by example in how they handle their own imperfections, ultimately guiding their teens by showing them that being gentle with oneself is not only okay—it's necessary.Navigating Panic and Anxiety: KNOW the DifferenceCai brilliantly differentiates between anxiety and panic, illustrating to parents why understanding the distinction matters. She presents methods to help teens address and cope with the sudden onset of panic as opposed to the simmering worries of anxiety, equipping families with the knowledge to tackle each appropriately.Practical Strategies for Calming the ChaosArmed with tactics like 'brain dumping' and the THINK framework, Cai teaches teens how to prioritize tasks and address the onslaught of negative internal dialogue that can exacerbate anxiety. These strategies are essential tools for empowering teens to take control of their emotional and practical worlds.In this episode, Cai Graham guides us through: - The power of naming emotions to conquer anxiety - Coaching teens to manage their to-do lists and calm their minds - Techniques for grounding and self-soothing during anxious moments - How to model effective coping strategies to inspire anxious adolescentsTo discover more about Cai Graham's work in supporting families through the journey of adolescence and anxiety, visit CaiGraham.com, or check out her book "Fearless and Free" on Amazon for a comprehensive guide to help your teen thrive.Tune in to learn how you can help your teen transition from anxiety to assurance with the expert advice from Cai Graham. Don’t forget to listen, share, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for weekly insights on guiding teens through their most formative years.

Simone Heng, author of "Let's Talk About Loneliness," joins us to explain why loneliness is reaching epidemic levels among teens, how it rewires the teenage brain, and what steps we can take as parents to help our kids reset and relate.Full Show NotesLoneliness is reaching epidemic levels among today's teenagers. Studies show teens are lonelier than any other generation, with 10 out of 11 feelings of loneliness. As kids withdraw socially, they get caught in a negative feedback loop where loneliness leads to more loneliness.How can we help pull teens out of this dangerous downward spiral? How can we raise kids equipped for meaningful human connections when devices and social media threaten to replace in-person relating?This week we’re exploring the teenage loneliness crisis, why it’s happening, and what we can do about it. We’re joined by Simone Heng, author of the new book “Let’s Talk About Loneliness.”Simone is a speaker and former broadcaster focused on human connection. She’s here to explain why loneliness can be so devastating to the developing teenage brain, how teens end up self-isolating, and what small steps we can take to foster more connectivity at home and beyond.Why Loneliness Rewires the Teenage BrainLoneliness isn’t just an emotional experience – it changes the actual structure and functioning of the brain, explains Simone. When we don’t get enough in-person interaction, our brains downgrade the areas meant for processing social cues and relating to others.Simone describes how chronic stress from loneliness keeps our body in fight-or-flight mode, releasing excess adrenaline and cortisol. This is meant to motivate us to go out and connect. But instead, lonely teens withdraw even further, caught in a vicious cycle.The overloaded stress response starts to dampen teen’s immune systems, reduce cognition, and make them more prone to disorders later on. At a time when kids need to be developing social skills, loneliness causes their abilities atrophy.Simone and I discuss how this epidemic of disconnection is intertwined with the digital age, where teens derive a false sense of “connection” from screens and devices. She explains why online interaction will never truly satisfy our brain’s hardwired need for in-person relating.Escaping the Downward SpiralThe solution for loneliness isn’t one-size-fits-all, explains Simone. Because each teen’s stress response system functions differently, they need personalized strategies for resetting their body to healthy baseline functioning.Simone suggests getting teen’s cortisol levels tested to find out specifics on their stress response. She then offers individualized nutrition plans, sleep recommendations, and more tailored support. General tips include getting teens outdoors, helping them identify and connect with their values, and limiting time online.An important step is also examining our own stress, says Simone. Kids pick up on parents’ tension, so we have to model self-care, healthy relating, and good boundaries around technology use.Fostering Human Connection at HomeWhen teens isolate in their rooms, it can seem impossible to draw them out. But Simone suggests reframing device use as a privilege to be earned through family connection.She gives examples like asking teens to put phones away during parts of family dinners or outings. We can challenge teens to go on “silent walks” without headphones, and actually engage with the people they pass. We can also prompt them to observe social dynamics when out together, almost as field research rather than always defaulting to screens.With some creativity and commitment to disconnecting from devices, we can develop little rituals of relating that help fulfill our human need for community, says Simone. We just have to be willing to model it ourselves.Additional topics covered:The rise of social anxiety in youthWhy teens hold friends to impossible standardsThe importance of eye contact & micro-connectionsHow to balance social media useThe power of humility & apologyIf you enjoyed this week’s show don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. See you next week!

CJ Casciotta, author of The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary, joins us to discuss parenting beyond social media and finding real community. We talk about how to guide teens to separate online fiction from truth, why ordinary existence is profoundly meaningful, and how to foster raw, personal connection.Full Show NotesIn today's social media saturated world, it can feel impossible to raise teens without the influence of the metaverse. Kids are constantly comparing themselves to unrealistic standards set by influencers and celebrities online. The temptation for teens to create a sort of fictional version of themselves for social media is huge.So how do we parent teens beyond the vortex of social platforms? How can we model authenticity and real human connection for kids distracted by the digital realm?To help make sense of it all, we spoke with CJ Casciotta, author of The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary: A Human Manifesto in the Age of the Metaverse. As a media professional himself, CJ has an inside look at the social technology teens are using. But as a parent, he's concerned about the way online personas are replacing real identities.In our conversation with CJ, we discussed moving beyond the virtual world to find meaning in ordinary human existence. We also talked about the importance of modeling authentic offline experiences for teens.Escaping the Comparison TrapSocial platforms tempt us to create the best possible versions of ourselves to display to others. But as CJ explains, teens feel pressure to make their lives seem extraordinary in the process. They often feel inadequate when comparing their realities to the fake realities shown by influencers online.CJ stressed that parents need to clarify the line between truth and fiction for kids. We should have open conversations about the fact that what teens see online is often more acting than real life. As parents, we can model embracing ordinary existence for teens, showing them that a normal life is beautiful too.CJ suggests that we guide teens in using technology to create art and community that celebrates ordinary humanity. We can prompt them to appreciate the simple miracles of human connection, instead of chasing inflated social media success.Building True CommunityReal community requires showing up authentically, embracing imperfection. As CJ explains, this means resisting the urge to document and publicize every gathering. True connection happens when we put down our devices and engage sincerely with those around us.CJ is modeling this for his own kids by recently moving to a new city to be closer to genuine friends. He realized his family felt isolated and numb despite living in a crowded urban area. Now they are remembering what real community feels like.As parents, we can push teens to value in-person experiences over digital ones. We can also limit their technology use at times so real connection isn't constantly competing with the virtual world. Building spaces for teens to bond beyond devices needs to become an intentional priority.In the Episode...Diving beyond the world of screens is crucial for families today. On top of the topics above, CJ and I also discussed:Why teaching kids to separate fact from fiction mattersHow to parent the first generation of digital nativesWhy poets and artists will be key leaders in the coming ageHow parents can model authenticity for teensIf you want to learn more, visit CJ's Substack (bycj.substack.com) or check out his book The Forgotten Art of Being Ordinary. As always, don't forget to subscribe!

Sheri Glucoft Wong, author of Raising Kids, shares the importance of being a consistent parent, even when raising teens feels like a complicated maze. As a therapist, Sheri has a wealth of insight on how to effectively and consistently communicate with our kids. Full Show NotesAs parents, we all have those moments when communicating with our teen feels easy, and other times when no matter what we say, it leads to conflict. Why is that? What makes the difference between feeling effective vs ineffective?This week we’re exploring that idea with our guest Sheri Glucoft Wong, a nationally recognized family therapist and author of Raising Kids: Your Essential Guide to Everyday Parenting. Sheri introduces the concept of being “on your spot” as a parent – when you feel aligned in your head, heart, and gut about an issue, communicate it clearly to your teen, and they respond accordingly without a power struggle.What does it mean to be “on your spot” and why does it create cooperation not conflict? How can we get “off our spot” and start grasping for leverage through threats and consequences? Sheri explains why threats often backfire and how a simple “tweak” using “when/then” language instead of “if/then” can turn things around.The Power of Being “On Your Spot”Being on your spot as a parent means you feel clear and aligned internally about an issue, so you can take a firm yet kind stance with your teen. Sheri shares how parents have no trouble insisting kids wear seatbelts in the car – they never threaten or bribe, they just know it’s non-negotiable. But with other issues, like manners or chore completion, they struggle because they’re not fully on their spot.In our interview, Sheri describes how being on your spot means your head, heart, and gut all align – you intellectually know what your teen needs, you care enough to want that for them, and your instincts tell you it’s the right thing. When all three are lined up, you can stand firm calmly and prevail without resorting to power struggles.From Threats to IncentivesWhen we’re off our spot as parents, we often start grasping for leverage over our teens through punishments and consequences. We take away devices or restrict privileges trying to motivate them. But Sheri explains that while limits are fine, threats rarely work and can backfire.Instead of “if/then” threats, Sheri suggests “when/then” incentives. Rather than saying “if you don’t complete your homework, you lose phone privileges,” say “when you complete your homework, you can have phone time.” This small tweak eliminates the threatening tone and helps motivate cooperation.Reframing Difficult ExperiencesNo matter how much we want to shield our teens from pain, they’ll inevitably face disappointments that are out of our control – a pandemic, social conflict, a lost game. But as Sheri explains, what truly shapes the impact isn’t what happens to teens, but rather what they make those events mean.As parents, we have power to reframe difficult situations and influence how our teens internalize them. We can encourage resilience rather than victimhood by discussing values and modeling emotional management. By focusing on what they can control, not what happens to them, we help teens build lifelong coping skills.Additional Topics:Why labeling kids “bullies” or “victims” can backfireUnderstanding teen emotions without over-identifyingIndulging tantrums vs. fostering independenceTeaching teens to handle disappointmentIf you enjoyed this episode, check out Sheri’s book Raising Kids: Your Essential Guide to Everyday Parenting for more great insights!

Michael McQueen, author of MindStuck, dives into the science of persuading stubborn teenagers, and reveals why the tactics parents typically use to influence our kids simply don't work.Full Show NotesTrying to convince a stubborn teenager to see things your way can feel impossible at times. They seem completely stuck in their perspectives, unwilling to listen to reason or logic. So how do we get through when teen minds seem closed off?According to our guest Michael McQueen, the root of the issue lies in outdated persuasion tactics. When trying to sway teens, most parents rely on giving information, evidence and rational arguments. But as Michael explains, this only taps into one small part of the brain–the rational, thinking prefrontal cortex.The majority of our decisions and viewpoints are actually shaped by a more impulsive, instinctual part of the brain. For teens, who are still developing cognitively, this portion of the brain wields even more influence. So if we want to change a teen’s mind, we have to learn what truly motivates it.The Teenage BrainIn his book “Mind Stuck,” Michael refers to the two processing centers of the brain as the “inquiring mind” and the “instinctive mind.” The inquiring mind takes in information and analyzes it logically before coming to conclusions. But for most people, only around 5-10% of decisions happen here.The instinctive mind is much faster, making snap judgments based on emotions, biases and self-preservation. This is the mind that judges whether someone is in our “tribe,” and causes us to have gut reactions. For teens with underdeveloped prefrontal cortexes, nearly all decisions happen via the instinctive mind.So when parents offer rational arguments to change teens’ behavior, teens brush them off–because facts and data barely penetrate their instinctive way of thinking. Actually, pushing logic often backfires, causing teens to dig their heels in defensively.Instead, Michael suggests appealing to the instinctive mind by building trust and rapport. One way to do this is through vulnerability and finding common ground.Getting on Their WavelengthTrying to assert authority or superiority when conversing with teens is unlikely to get us anywhere, Michael says. Teens are inherently skeptical of parents’ knowledge and worldliness. The instinctive mind wants to stick with the tribe–and for teens, parents are not members.That’s why Michael suggests having authentic conversations where we come alongside teens humbly. Saying “I don’t have this all figured out” or “I’d love to hear your take on this” demonstrates that we respect their autonomy. It also diffuses tension so they drop their defenses.Michael also discusses the importance of developing trust by upping oxytocin levels. The bonding hormone oxytocin determines how much we unconsciously trust someone. Releasing it requires candidness and finding synchrony–walking together side-by-side can naturally build connection.Matching body language too obviously can feel disingenuous. But according to neuroscientist Dr. Paul Zak, going on walks is an easy way to build rapport with teens by mirroring cadence and getting on the same wavelength.Asking the Right QuestionsBeyond vulnerability and synchrony, the language we use with teens can foster influence and trust, Michael says. Asking questions is more productive than making statements. And there’s an art to framing inquiries that defuse tension and make teens want to open up.We can preface questions by admitting we don’t have the full picture. And we should ask out of genuine curiosity rather than trying to catch teens behaving badly or evaluate their choices. Our motive should be understanding their perspective.The way teens interpret our questions depends heavily on body language and tone as well. And the types of questions we ask can steer conversations productively or unproductively.More Than LogicWhile the instinctive mind drives most of a teen’s decisions, the inquiring mind still plays a role too. Particularly as the prefrontal cortex develops, introducing facts, data and personal experience can supplement emotional appeals.Telling stories makes parents more relatable. And describing our own regrets and mistakes reassures teens that poor choices or failures aren’t abnormal–everyone makes bad decisions in their youth.While logic alone rarely changes perspectives, when combined with vulnerability, rapport and the right questioning, facts can reinforce the influence parents have. Understanding and utilizing multiple persuasion tactics allows parents to get through even when teens’ minds seem firmly stuck.In the Episode...On top of the topics outlined above, we also discuss:Why isolation impacts teen psychologyHow to have high stakes conversationsWhy consistency and boundaries breed respectPicking your battles as a parentTo learn more from Michael and grab a copy of “Mind Stuck,” head to his website at michaelmcqueen.net. Thanks for listening–don’t forget to subscribe!

Chris Martin, author of May Tomorrow Be Awake, speaks on the concept of neurodiversity, and how parents can encourage teenagers to be their unique selves, rather than trying to pass as "normal."Full Show NotesWe all want our kids to feel “normal”, to fit in with their peers and the culture around them. But what if normal isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? What if we’ve defined “normal” too narrowly, and left a lot of beautiful minds out of the picture?Our guest today, Chris Martin, is encouraging us to take a closer look at the concept of neurotypicality. As a poet and advocate who has worked with autistic writers for over 20 years, Chris has come to see neurodivergence as a creative superpower rather than a deficit.So what does it mean to be “neurodivergent”? Why is neurodiversity so poorly understood? And how we can nurture the neurodiverse minds all around us--both in our kids and in ourselves?Introducing Chris MartinTo explore those questions, we’re speaking with Chris Martin, poet and Executive Director of UnRestricted Interest, an arts organization for neurodivergent writers. Chris is himself neurodivergent, with ADHD.In his book “May Tomorrow Be Awake”, Chris details his experiences working with nonspeaking autistic poets. He shares their incredible insights while reframing common misconceptions about autism--like the notion that autistic people “lack empathy.”Drawing on his background, we’ll be discussing:How autism has unique creative strengthsWhy all kids start out neurodivergentThe high cost of “masking” neurodivergenceHow to nurture neurodiversity in teensAutism’s UpsidesAutism comes with plenty of challenges, but also some incredible strengths...if we choose to see them. As Chris explains, many autistic traits have a positive flipside when reframed.What’s seen as a “restricted interest” can also be viewed as a passionate devotion to a subject, while sensory sensitivity connects autistic people to the environment in profound ways. Chris even explains how synesthesia--common in autistics--may have given rise to metaphor and poetry.Understanding how autistic minds work differently is key to valuing their contributions. Neurodivergence itself shouldn’t be the problem--the problem is a culture that refuses to accommodate it.Masking Our True SelvesMany neurodivergent people can “pass” for neurotypical, masking their true selves in order to fit in. But as Chris recounts, this masking process can make people physically ill.He explains how as a child, he trained himself to perform neurotypicality out of fear of bullying. Monitoring himself constantly to fit in was exhausting, and separated him from his true identity.The good news is that for the next generation, culture is already changing. Chris’s neurodivergent son hasn’t experienced the bullying Chris once did. But for those of us who grew up masking, unlearning those habits is tough.Through his work, however, Chris has found his way back to himself--and wants to help others do the same.Embracing Our Shared NeurodiversityOne takeaway from Chris’s book is that since we all have diverse minds and bodies, disability is a universal human experience. We can’t predict or eliminate it--we have to accommodate for it.Likewise, we all exist on a spectrum of neurodivergence. Though some people seem more neurotypical than others, it’s partly an act, Chris argues--we’re all suppressing or enhancing certain natural tendencies to conform.Kids start out accepting of their own and others’ neurodivergence. But at some point, we teach them to hide it. What if instead, we could preserve that spirit of openness, and build a culture that embraces each mind and body?A world that celebrates neurodiversity is one that would benefit us all--one that’s more creative, more thoughtful and more humane. Chris and his autistic friends are illuminating the path.Additional Topics:Why autistic people may have been first to use metaphorHow to congratulate someone on an autism diagnosisWhy disability is ahead for us allHow to nurture tics versus correct themDon’t miss this thought-provoking discussion! To hear more from Chris, check out his book “May Tomorrow Be Awake” or visit unrestrictedinterest.com.

Tobias Rose-Stockwell, author of Outrage Machine, clues us in to how social media platforms manipulate emotions to keep us scrolling and riles us up. We talk about how the internet influences our beliefs and the pursuit of truth over winning arguments.Full Show NotesIt’s hard to deny that public discourse, especially online, has taken an ugly turn over the past decade. Social media sites, which we all once heralded as revolutionary tools for connection and change, now seem to breed anxiety, arguments, and even despair.So what happened? Is there something inherently wrong with us, or have these sites changed over time in ways we haven’t fully grasped?This week, we’re here with writer and media researcher Tobias Rose-Stockwell to investigate the psychological underpinnings of sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Tobias is the author of Outrage Machine: How Tech Amplifies Discontent, Disrupts Democracy, and What We Can Do About It.In his work, Tobias has uncovered how social media sites have increasingly capitalized on innate quirks in human psychology to keep us outraged, divided, and always scrolling for more.The Science of “Doomscrolling”You may have found yourself getting sucked into heated arguments and disturbing news stories online, unable to look away even when you want to. As it turns out, this phenomenon called “doomscrolling” is no accident.As Tobias explains, human brains have evolved to rapidly take note of potential threats and dangers. We’re primed to focus our attention on the outrageous, salacious, and emotional parts of our environment — likely because paying attention to hazards helped early humans survive.Social media sites have now wired themselves to tap into these psychological instincts. Features like personalized news feeds surface the most emotional and provocative content first, since data shows we’re most likely to engage with those posts. The results? We can’t peel our eyes away from our feeds, even when what we’re seeing stresses us out.Designed for DivisionOutrage and disagreement may keep us glued to our screens, but they’re also highly divisive. So how do sites incentivize us to spar?As Tobias describes, social media platforms highlight content that drives “meaningful social interactions” — comments, shares, likes, and other measurable forms of engagement. As a result, posts showcasing arguments and moral outrage tend to get boosted to the top of our feeds.We’re also psychologically primed to take sides when we witness fights unfolding and controversy brewing. Tobias explains that even if the topic itself doesn’t affect us, we feel inclined to pick a team, stake our claim online, and stand our ground.Meanwhile, the platforms continue serving up divisive content, because that’s what keeps pulling us back in.Escaping the Outrage MachineIf social media sites structurally pit us against each other, is there any hope for nuanced public discourse? How might we escape from the outrage machine?As Tobias advises, simply being aware of how these sites manipulate us is an important first step. When we understand the psychological hooks they use to capture our attention, we can be more conscious about how and when we engage.Beyond that, Tobias offers tips for having healthier dialogues both on and offline. He advises focusing conversations around shared truths rather than fixating on disagreements. Ground rules can also help, like assuming good intentions in those we speak with.If you found this glimpse into the outrage machine illuminating, be sure to check out the full episode. Tobias offers so many more insights that help explain the current landscape of social media. Understanding what’s behind the curtain is the first step to using these sites more deliberately, and combatting their most toxic effects.

Maya Corbic, author of From Piggy Banks to Stocks, tells us how to turn allowance into financial lessons. Maya dishes on the potential dangers of blindly trusting financial advisors, the future of investing, and investing for generational wealth.Full Show NotesInvesting often feels out of reach for teens. The stock market can seem complex and intimidating, and most kids just don’t think about their money working for them. But investing early and shifting teens’ money mindset can set them up for financial success down the road.This week, we’re talking with Maya Corbic, financial educator and author of “From Piggy Banks to Stocks: The Ultimate Guide for a Young Investor.” Maya has spent over a decade teaching kids and teens how to manage money wisely. After paying off all her debts and realizing she didn’t have to work a 9 to 5 anymore, Maya decided to dedicate her life to helping others improve their financial literacy.On the show, Maya is breaking down the basics of investing in simple terms teens can grasp. We’re discussing how to switch teens’ thinking from being consumers to being owners and investors. Maya explains what teens should learn about money before they’re ready to start investing. She also reveals common mistakes parents make when introducing kids to investing concepts.Turning Teens into Investors Instead of Just ConsumersMaya suggests reframing the way we talk to teens about the products they love to use. For example, teens may be huge fans of Apple products. But instead of seeing themselves as consumers of iPhones and Apple watches, Maya encourages teens to think like owners. They can purchase stock and actually own part of the company behind their favorite tech gadgets. This sense of ownership switches teens thinking and gets them excited about investing.Owning even just one share of a company ties teens to brands in a whole new way. And it opens their eyes to the idea that they can earn money by owning stock, not just by traditional jobs. Maya says this revelation is often the needed spark to get teens interested in investing and understanding market principles.But teens can’t just jump into the stock market without some financial literacy. First, Maya takes us through some money basics every teen should grasp.Money Lessons to Precede InvestingWhile investing early has major advantages, teens still need to learn some fundamental money lessons before they start buying stocks. Maya outlines concepts like:The difference between wants and needsHow to budget allowance moneySmart spending habitsThe power of savingHow interest worksLearning these basic building blocks paves the way for later investing success. They also ensure teens have a balanced relationship with money.Maya suggests parents invest small sums on behalf of young teens before they’re ready to make their own investment decisions. But by the time teens reach high school, they have the cognitive ability to understand stocks and start directing their own investments, Maya explains.Common Pitfalls to AvoidEager parents often make mistakes when introducing teens to investing. Investing in individual stocks instead of funds, failing to assess risk tolerance, and picking investments not aligned with the teen’s goals are a few pitfalls Maya sees parents commonly fall into.She warns that every teen’s investment portfolio should look different based on their objectives, time horizon and risk appetite. Maya advises parents help teens complete free risk assessment questionnaires rather than just telling them what to buy. This empowers teens to understand market dynamics and make informed decisions.Maya also cautions parents not to overwhelm teens with complex investing jargon. Finding relatable examples and analogies is key to getting teens excited about investing without confusing them. Comparing it to lending money and earning interest is one comparison Maya finds effective and easy to grasp.On the Show...My conversation with Maya sheds light on the immense benefits of shaping teens money mindset early on. On top of the topics outlined above, we also discuss:Getting teens interested in earning passive incomeWhy investing is important regardless of income levelDifferent investment vehicles suited for teens’ goalsResources for educating yourself about investingRealistic expectations about returnsMaya breaks investing down into understandable language. Her book and community help many parents finally grasp market principles themselves!To learn more from Maya about teaching financial literacy, visit her website at mayasmoneymatters.ca or find her on Instagram

Dr Gregory Scott Brown, author of The Self-Healing Mind, helps us bust myths surrounding mental health and self-care. We discuss the difference between mental health and mental illness and the keys to teen well-being.Full Show NotesAs parents, we spend a lot of time thinking about our teens’ mental health. Often, the first things that come to mind are mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. However, there’s a key distinction between mental illness and mental health. While illnesses like depression undoubtedly take a toll, mental health refers to overall well-being - things like motivation, focus, emotional regulation and connection.So how can we support the mental health of our teens? This week, we’re talking self-care - those small, daily practices that equip us to handle life’s ups and downs. To break it all down, we’re joined by Dr. Gregory Scott Brown, psychiatrist and author of The Self-Healing Mind.In his book, Dr. Brown outlines what he calls the five pillars of self-care: sleep, spirituality, nutrition, breathwork and movement. He explains how these pillars not only stave off mental illness, but also strengthen the skills and habits teens need to build mental resilience. Things like focus, self-awareness, stress tolerance, healthy relationships and more.The Healing Potential Of Self-CareIn our interview, Dr. Brown explains that self-care practices have scientifically-proven healing effects on the mind and body. Breathing exercises can stimulate relaxation responses by increasing GABA and alpha brain waves. Adequate sleep allows the brain to replenish and solidify memories. Movement and yoga help us cultivate conscious body awareness and presence. And healthy eating provides the building blocks for neurotransmitters that regulate mood.Rather than erasing unwanted feelings with medication, self-care helps us sit with discomfort and understand the message behind our emotions, Dr. Brown explains. However, self-care can powerfully complement medical treatment for those facing clinical diagnoses like depression or anxiety. Like a ladder that helps someone climb out of a ditch, meds offer initial relief, but self-care helps sustain mental health over the long run.Daily Self-Care For Busy TeensThe best part about self-care is that it takes no special skill or money to practice - just intention and consistency. Dr. Brown suggests starting small by choosing one or two pillars to focus on. Teens might start going on nightly walks with a parent or friend. They could set aside 10 minutes before bed to journal. Or challenge themselves to put their phones away during mealtimes.On top of specific techniques for sleep, eating, breathing, meditation and more, Dr. Brown provides tips for making self-care stick. Like scheduling it into each day or week. Or practicing it preventatively, not just when stressed. He also explains how parents can model self-care, and even make it a shared activity through things like breathwork before bed. By living self-care, not just preaching it, we’ll inspire the next generation to make it a lifelong habit.There’s so much more from our conversation with Dr. Brown about the remarkable impacts self-care can have - both big and small. To learn more, be sure to check out The Self-Healing Mind wherever you get your books!

Dina Alexander, founder of EducateEmpowerKids.org, joins us to share her view on how to talk to tweens and teens about S-E-X and everything that comes with it. Rather than one big “talk” Dina encourages small, frequent talks to get the message(s) across. Full Show NotesTalking about sex with teenagers is notoriously awkward and uncomfortable for parents. But in today's world, where kids have unprecedented access to explicit content online, it's more important than ever to push past that discomfort. Our kids need us to have open, judgement-free conversations to help them build healthy relationships and develop positive views on sexuality.On this week's episode of Talking to Teens, we're speaking with Dina Alexander, an expert on communicating with kids about sex and relationships. Dina is the founder of Educate and Empower Kids and the author of the 30 Days of Sex Talks book series. With a daughter who is currently a senior in high school, Dina has plenty of firsthand experience navigating tricky conversations about sex.Dina explains why discussions about sex make so many parents anxious, even as sexual imagery pervades mainstream American culture. Often, our own experiences and assumptions get in the way of having constructive talks with teens. We discuss how to get over those hang-ups so we can have productive dialogues.Dina has recently released updated editions of her sex talk books, so we explore what has changed in the past few years when it comes to teen perspectives on relationships and intimacy. The proliferation of dating apps and social media has dramatically impacted how kids today approach romance and physical affection. Porn aimed specifically at girls and young women has also grown more prevalent. Dina offers insight into how to address new challenges.Throughout the interview, Dina provides tips for making chats about delicate topics more comfortable and effective. We talk about starting early, framing discussions around ideals for healthy relationships, and being willing to answer kids' questions without judgement. She explains why no one gets sex talks exactly "right" - the simple act of keeping the conversation going is what matters.

Kelly and Juliet Starrett, authors of Built To Move, highlight the significance of physical activity, especially among teens. Being healthy is not only about exercising once per day for 45 minutes—Kelly and Juliet advocate for building movement into your day. Full Show NotesRaising teenagers is exhausting. As parents, we’re often overwhelmed juggling work, household duties, keeping up with kids’ busy schedules, and trying to keep our own sanity intact. Self-care goes out the window, and before we know it, we’re burnt out, injured, or sick.We know we “should” make time to exercise and eat right — but finding time is easier said than done. However, what if small, sustainable movement habits could give us the energy, focus and durability we need to weather life’s stressors and model healthy lifestyles for our teens?This week we’re talking all about the power of movement with Juliet Starrett and Kelly Starrett, authors of the new book Built to Move: The 10 Essential Habits to Help You Move Freely and Live Fully. Juliet and Kelly are movement and mobility experts who have spent decades working with elite athletes and organizations. They’re here to breakdown how small movement practices throughout your day can have big impacts on health.Why We Need to Move MoreHere’s a concerning stat: the average American teenager spends just 40-80 minutes per day outdoors. This lack of movement and nature exposure sets teens up for poor health outcomes. As Kelly and Juliet explain, our bodies need regular movement and time outside to function properly. Otherwise, we adapt to live a “sedentary lifestyle”.In fact, research shows that sitting for more than 6 hours per day can negatively impact how our bodies metabolize fats and sugars, hurt brain function, increase disease risk, and limit our sleep quality. We might make time for exercise, but if we spend the rest of our waking hours inactive, it simply isn’t enough.The good news? Adding more movement throughout our day doesn’t require intense exercise regimens. Light activity like walking, stretching, squatting and spending more time upright makes a measurable difference. Juliet and Kelly suggest simple habits like walking meetings, family movement breaks, and getting outside in nature more often.10 Essential Movement HabitsIn Built to Move, Juliet and Kelly outline 10 essential habits that families can build to incorporate more movement, like:Aim for 6 Hours or Less of Sitting Per DaySchedule Walking MeetingsTake Regular Movement BreaksPrioritize Quality SleepSpend Time Outside Each DayIncorporate Squatting in Your RoutineSchedule Dedicated Recovery DaysPractice Shoulder Mobility DailyDrink More WaterEat Nutrient Dense Whole FoodsThese habits might seem basic, but they work synergistically to create energy, improve sleep quality, reduce injury risk and make our bodies more resilient to handle life’s curveballs. They’re designed to be simple, sustainable practices we can fit into our regular routines without added hassle.In our interview, Kelly and Juliet walk through each habit in more detail, explaining the reasoning and science behind their recommendations. They also share tips for realistically applying these habits as busy parents and professionals.Modeling Healthy MovementTeaching healthy movement habits doesn’t stop with us — we need to model these behaviors for our teens as well. As Kelly and Juliet explain, the household is the center of change. We can’t rely on institutions like schools to instill healthy practices in teenagers. Leading by example is key.Luckily, the movement habits Juliet and Kelly recommend set families up for success. Taking regular movement breaks, walking meetings and getting outside are practices the whole family can do together. Not only will these habits provide health benefits for teens, but they’ll also help families bond.Modeling healthy movement and self-care shows teenagers that things like sleep, nutrition and activity aren’t just obligations — they can be fun too. Building these habits into family time teaches teens sustainable wellness practices they can carry into adulthood.In the Episode...My conversation with Juliet and Kelly gave me simple, sustainable ideas to improve family health through movement. We also discuss:How movement affects focus, stress and sleep qualityWhy teens need time outside and in nature dailyHow to realistically apply movement habits as busy parentsWhy families should approach wellness togetherCheck out Juliet and Kelly’s new book Built to Move for even more great insights! Thanks for listening... don’t forget to subscribe!

Susan Rogers, author of This Is What It Sounds Like, offers insight into what different tastes in music reveal about personality. Plus, how parents and teens can connect more deeply by sharing and exploring music. Full Show NotesMusic is deeply personal, especially for teenagers. In this episode, we’re exploring what your teen’s music taste says about them and how you can use music to connect more deeply.We’re joined by Susan Rogers, a cognitive neuroscientist, award-winning professor at Berklee College of Music, multi-platinum record producer, and author. With decades of experience in the music industry and a PhD researching music perception and cognition, Susan has rare insight into both the art and science of music.In our conversation, Susan explains that musical tastes are highly individualized, tapping into our inner psyche and self-image. Criticizing your teen’s music taste can feel like a personal attack to them. Instead, Susan suggests having a “record pull” where family members take turns playing music they love for each other. This allows everyone to glimpse into each other’s musical psyche.What Your Teen’s Taste RevealsWe discuss fascinating research Susan conducted asking people what visuals and memories they associate with their favorite music. Results showed the majority of people see autobiographical memories, allowing them to relive happy moments from their past. For teens, this often means music from when they were younger.Susan explains music activates the brain’s “default network” tied to our sense of self. So when teens listen to music they relate to, it becomes deeply enmeshed with their personal identity. Lyrics often take a backseat, Susan says, with musical qualities resonating more deeply.Using Music to ConnectWith the teenage brain still developing areas related to identity and self-perception, what teens believe their peers think of them becomes what they think of themselves. Susan suggests asking teens openly about their music, not to criticize their taste but to understand them better.Playing music you relate to for your teen can also help them understand you, glimpsing into your psyche. Susan proposes a “record pull” where family members share meaningful music with each other.Additional Topics:How streaming led to highly individualized musical tasteDance and musical style reflecting generational cultureProcessing lyrics versus musical qualitiesAreas of the teenage brain still under construction

Michelle Icard, author of Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success, returns to clue us in on what to say and do when our teens stumble and fall. We cover Michelle’s easy three-step method to speaking to your teen about any failure. Full Show NotesSetbacks and failures might seem like the worst things for teens, but they can actually be pivotal moments that build character strengths. In her new book "Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success," psychologist and parenting expert Michelle Icard flips the script on our instinct to shield teens from failure. Instead of seeing failure as something to avoid, Michelle helps reframe these experiences as opportunities for teens to grow.In this episode, Michelle walks us through the three steps she's identified to help teens leverage setbacks on their way to adulthood: separating emotions from events, identifying lessons and values, and planning next steps. We also discuss common setbacks teens face involving friendships, academics, digital life, values, and more. Michelle shares advice for how parents can respond in helpful ways, have constructive conversations, and model resilience.Why Failure MattersIt's natural for parents to want to protect their teens from hurt, but experiencing failure is how teens build grit and perseverance. Setbacks teach problem-solving skills that are essential for adulthood. Still, watching your teen struggle can be painful. Michelle explains failure is part of an age-old process of identity formation common to cultures across history. Understanding this developmental path can help reframe our perspective.Michelle also describes her three-step method to help teens process failures in productive ways. By separating emotions, identifying lessons, and planning next actions, parents can guide teens through setbacks without shame. Avoiding judgment and punishment is key.Common Setbacks Teens FaceMichelle outlines eight of the most common setbacks teens experience today in areas like friendships, school, social media use, values conflicts, risky behaviors, looks and body image, planning for the future, and more. She shares real-life examples and typical parent reactions, explaining how to reframe these cases as learning opportunities.We dive deeper into a few specific scenarios. Michelle offers insights into tricky situations like helping teens struggling to make friends, addressing rule-breaking and risky behavior, navigating conflicts over values, and guiding teens anxious about the future. Her advice helps move interactions from blame and anger to openness and growth.Modeling ResilienceExperiencing failure isn’t just part of growing up for teens, it’s an inevitable part of life for adults too. Michelle describes how parents can use their own setbacks as teaching moments. By modeling resilience, honesty, and emotional management, parents show their teens how to transform trials into personal triumphs.

Dennis Baron, author of What’s Your Pronoun?, takes us on a journey through the evolution of pronouns. Younger generations are boldly claiming their linguistic identities—how do we better understand them?Full Show NotesIn recent years, the discussion around pronouns has expanded well beyond the binary he and she, with young people leading the charge in educating themselves and others about the variety of pronouns people use to express their identities. This movement towards a more inclusive language might seem novel, but Dennis Baron, author of "What's Your Pronoun?" reveals that the conversation around pronoun usage has deep historical roots.This episode explores the fascinating history of alternative pronoun usage, unearthing attempts to reform the English language and fill what have been perceived as gaps in our pronoun set with gender-neutral or common gender pronouns. Through his research, Baron discovered over 200 proposals for alternative pronouns in just three months, many dating back to the 19th and early 20th centuries, such as thon, ze, and even the singular they.The Quest for a Gender-Neutral PronounBaron's journey into the world of pronouns began over 40 years ago when he researched attempts to reform the English language. He found that alongside spelling and grammar reforms, there was a significant push for a gender-neutral or common gender pronoun. Interestingly, this quest for an inclusive pronoun is not new, with proposals dating back to the 19th century.The Singular They and ControversiesOne significant aspect of the conversation around pronouns is the use of singular they. Baron points out that despite criticism, singular they has been part of the English language since the 14th century. The resistance to singular they highlights broader debates about language, inclusivity, and identity, which are explored in depth in this episode.The Political and Social Implications of Pronoun UsageThe episode also delves into the political and social implications of pronoun usage, examining how language can both include and exclude individuals. Baron discusses recent legislative attempts to restrict pronoun usage, highlighting the ongoing battle for recognition and respect within the linguistic domain.In the Episode…This conversation with Dennis Baron is not just about pronouns; it's a deep dive into the evolving nature of language, identity, and social acceptance. In addition to the topics discussed above, we also cover: - The impact of social movements on language reform - The challenges of introducing new pronouns into everyday language - How language reforms reflect broader societal changes - The role of language in shaping our understanding of gender and identityThrough Dennis Baron's insightful exploration of the history and present of pronouns, listeners will gain a greater appreciation for the complexity and beauty of language evolution. Don't miss this fascinating episode that bridges past and present to illuminate the path towards a more inclusive future. Listen now, and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening discussions.

Devorah Heitner, author of Growing Up in Public, sheds light on the multiple ways we monitor teen’s digital lives and the broader implications of constant surveillance. We also dive into the challenges and opportunities that arise when raising tech-savvy teens. Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today’s digitally-focused and surveillance-heavy society can feel like uncharted territory for many parents. The constant monitoring—from social media engagement to academic performance tracking—has transformed the way teens experience their formative years. This digital reality brings a host of new challenges for families, navigating the balance between keeping children safe online and respecting their privacy and independence. But how can parents support their teens without infringing on their autonomy? How can families encourage resilience and kindness in a world that often feels intrusive?In this week's episode of Talking to Teens, we're delving deep into the complexities of parenting in a digital society. We're joined by Devorah Heitner, an expert in the impact of technology on children and teens, and the author of "Growing Up in Public." Devorah's work has been featured in major outlets such as The New York Times and CNN, and she's here to share her insights on empowering parents to foster resilient and respectful digital citizens.Digital Surveillance: A Double-Edged SwordOur kids are growing up under a microscope, scrutinized by both the technology they use and the watchful eyes of their parents. This constant surveillance can have profound implications for their development, sense of self, and privacy. Devorah helps us understand the spectrum of digital monitoring practices—from reading texts to tracking locations—and invites us to question the impact of these actions on our relationships with our teenagers.The Public Life of Teens: Navigating Mistakes OnlineIn a world where a single post or comment can have lasting consequences, how can we prepare our teens to navigate their public lives wisely? Devorah discusses the real risks associated with digital missteps and offers practical advice for supporting teens through potential public scrutiny. She emphasizes the importance of leading with compassion and empathy, both for our children and their peers.Resilience in the Face of Digital DilemmasLearning to make amends and move forward from online errors is crucial for building resilience. Whether dealing with minor misjudgments or more severe mistakes, Devorah guides us through approaches to help teens learn from their experiences. She stresses the importance of focusing on character development over punitive responses, encouraging an environment where teens feel safe to seek guidance and share their concerns.Preparing for Digital IndependenceAs our teens grow, they will inevitably face decisions about their digital presence and privacy without our direct supervision. Devorah provides insights into fostering discussions about online behaviors, privacy, and consent. She also tackles tough topics like sexting and online bullying, providing a roadmap for open, non-shame-based conversations with our teens.In this episode, we cover many more aspects of the digital challenges facing teens and their families, including:- Strategies for teaching digital empathy and kindness- How to discuss the permanent nature of online actions with teens- Balancing teen privacy with parental concern in the digital age- Encouraging critical thinking about social media and consumerismListen to the full episode for Devorah Heitner’s expert advice on navigating the digital world with your teen. Whether you’re dealing with minor privacy concerns or confronting a serious online mistake, you'll find actionable tips and compassionate insights to help support your teenager. Don't forget to share and subscribe to Talking to Teens, as we continue exploring the art and science of parenting in the digital age.

Jarie Bolander, author of Ride or Die, shares his experience of parenting through grief and the stigma that comes with it as a man. His journey through grief toward resilience is a testament to the power of vulnerability with our teens and others.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers can often feel like an underappreciated marathon. You pour your heart and soul into managing their lives - from keeping a roof over their heads to navigating their emotional storms - only to be met with what seems like a bottomless pit of demands and indifference. But, is this struggle unique to parenting, or is it a universal sentiment felt by caregivers at large?Jarie Bolander found himself plunged into an intense caregiving role when his wife, Jane, was diagnosed with leukemia. As he juggled his business, hers, and her complete medical and emotional care, he encountered a profound sense of being unappreciated. Surprisingly, his journey mirrors many elements of parenting teenagers.Jarie is an author and entrepreneur, brings a unique perspective to the table. With a background in writing business books and a personal journey through tragic loss, Jarie’s recent memoir, *Ride or Die: Loving Through Tragedy, A Husband's Memoir*, offers deep insights into the emotional landscape of care, love, and appreciation.Insights on Gratitude and ControlJarie's experience with his wife's illness brought to light how feelings of ungratefulness often stem from a lack of control. This insight resonates with the teen-parent dynamic, where teenagers' striving for independence clashes with parental control, often manifesting as a seeming lack of gratitude. Standards of Behavior and AspirationsDrawing parallels between caregiving and stepping into a parenting role for a teenager, Jarie emphasizes setting standards of behavior and providing role models for aspiration. He advocates for open dialogues and rational decision-making that respects the teenager's burgeoning sense of autonomy.The Lessons of Love and LossJarie's narrative isn't just about the hard times. It's a lesson in gratitude, resilience, and the human capacity for love. His journey through caregiving, loss, and stepping into a stepparent role sheds light on the universal challenges of caring for another and the profound growth it can stimulate.Topics Covered:- The parallels between caregiving for a terminally ill spouse and parenting teenagers- How feelings of ungratefulness can arise from a perceived lack of control- The importance of setting expectations and standards of behavior for teenagers- Balancing guidance with allowing autonomy- The transformative power of facing tragedy and finding love and happiness againListen to the Episode:Jarie's story is both heart-wrenching and inspirational, offering profound insights for any parent feeling underappreciated or struggling to connect with their teenager. His experiences remind us of the importance of understanding, patience, and open communication.Don't miss this powerful episode. Subscribe to Talking to Teens to hear more enlightening discussions that can help you navigate the complexities of teen parenting.

Juna Grata and Dr. Edward Phillips, co-authors of Food, We Need to Talk, join us to discuss controversial health topics. We cover how parents can skillfully navigate tricky talks on weight, exercise, and dieting.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's society comes with a myriad of concerns, from academic pressures to social dynamics, but one topic that lurks in the shadows of family life is how we approach the subject of food. For many parents, navigating discussions around eating habits, body image, and nutrition is like walking a tightrope, filled with potential missteps that could lead to unhealthy patterns. Yet, ignoring these conversations isn't the solution either. So, how can parents support their teens in developing a healthy relationship with food?This week on Talking to Teens, we dive deep into the complexities of food, diet, and metabolism with Juna Grata and Dr. Edward Phillips, co-authors of "Food, We Need to Talk." Juna Grata, a Harvard graduate with a rich background in cognitive neuroscience and a personal journey through the maze of diet culture, and Dr. Edward Phillips, an associate professor at Harvard Medical School specializing in physical medicine and rehabilitation, bring together their expertise and experiences to shed light on how to talk about food in a way that nurtures healthy habits.Debunking the Metabolism MythOne of the biggest misconceptions that surround our understanding of food and weight is metabolism. Juna and Edward unravel the science behind metabolism, clarifying common myths and explaining how our body's energy management system really works. They emphasize the role of muscle mass in metabolism and challenge the widely held belief that our metabolic rate dramatically slows down as we age.The Problem with DietsAt the heart of many family tensions around food is the topic of dieting. With an overwhelming array of diets promising quick fixes, it's no wonder parents and teens find themselves caught in a cycle of restrictive eating. Our guests discuss why diets often fail in the long term and how they can lead to unhealthy eating habits and disorders.Navigating Conversations About WeightJuna shares her personal experiences with family comments about weight and how they contributed to an unhealthy relationship with food. Edward, as a parent, provides perspective on the fine line between promoting healthy habits and contributing to body image issues. They provide insights into how parents can foster a supportive environment that focuses on health and well-being rather than weight.Foster a Healthy Food EnvironmentOur episode explores strategies for creating a home where healthy eating is the norm, not the exception. From shopping habits to meal preparation, Juna and Edward offer practical tips for encouraging nutritious choices without making food a source of conflict. They advocate for framing food as fuel, emphasizing its role in supporting our body’s needs, including enhancing physical performance and cognitive functions.In the episode...Understanding the role of fat in our diet and dispelling the myth of fat as the enemyStrategies for involving teens in meal planning and cooking to promote healthier eating habitsThe importance of modeling healthy habits and creating a non-restrictive food environment at homeHow to support teens struggling with body image issues and foster body positivityThe impact of external influences, such as social media and peers, on teens’ eating habits and perceptions of healthJoin us for an enlightening conversation that will equip you with the tools and knowledge to have meaningful dialogues about food with the teenagers in your life. Don’t forget to listen to the full episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Jennifer Breheny Wallace, author of Never Enough, shares insight into modern day “achievement culture.” We discuss the hidden consequences of pushing teens too hard, and how to help teens balance achievement and fulfillment.Full Show NotesParenting teenagers in today's world comes with a unique set of challenges, not least of which is the increasing pressure on teens to excel in all areas of their lives. From school achievements to extracurricular activities, our teens are bombarded with the message that they need to do more, be more, and achieve more just to matter. But what if the secret to raising healthy, happy, and successful teenagers is not about pushing them to achieve more but helping them understand that they already matter?In this eye-opening episode of Talking to Teens, we're delving deep into the world of high-achieving teens and the often toxic culture surrounding their quest for success. We're joined by Jenny Wallace, a seasoned journalist who has spent the last four years investigating the rise of toxic achievement culture across America. Jenny's work, including hundreds of interviews with teenagers, parents, and experts, culminates in her latest book, Never Enough, which aims to shed light on this pressing issue and offer practical solutions for parents.Jenny brings a wealth of experience to the table, having worked as a journalist for 60 minutes and frequently contributed to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post. As a parent of three teenagers herself, Jenny's insights are not only research-based but deeply personal, making her guidance invaluable for anyone navigating the complex world of teen parenting today.The Weight of AchievementJenny begins by addressing the mounting evidence suggesting that teenagers attending high-achieving schools are at an increased risk for anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. She discusses the pervasive "never enough" mentality that drives teens to prioritize achievements over their well-being, often at a significant cost. By shining a light on this issue, Jenny hopes to encourage parents to reevaluate how they define success for their teenagers.The Power of MatteringAt the heart of Jenny's message is the concept of mattering—ensuring that our teens feel valued for who they are, not just what they accomplish. Jenny's research reveals a stark reality: many teens believe their parents value their achievements more than their intrinsic worth as individuals. She shares compelling stories and data that illustrate the importance of fostering a sense of unconditional mattering in our children's lives.Practical Solutions for ParentsJenny doesn't just diagnose the problem; she offers a pathway forward. She shares practical strategies and personal anecdotes that demonstrate how parents can create a home environment where teens know they matter regardless of their achievements. From simple exercises to meaningful conversations, Jenny provides actionable advice for parents looking to support their teens in healthy and sustainable ways.In the EpisodeOur conversation with Jenny is packed with insights and advice, covering topics such as:Recognizing the signs of toxic achievement culture in our homes and schoolsStrategies for communicating unconditional love and support to our teensThe importance of prioritizing our own well-being as parentsSuccess stories of teens who thrive within high-achieving environmentsAnd much more!This episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone who plays a significant role in the life of a teenager. Jenny Wallace's informed and compassionate approach to tackling the toxic achievement culture offers a beacon of hope for families navigating these challenges.Don't miss this powerful conversation on how we can help our teenagers understand that they matter—not because of what they achieve, but because of who they are. Listen to the full episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens today.

Brooke Romney, author of 52 Modern Manners for Today's Teenagers, takes us beyond basic etiquette to understand how manners shape important life skills and awareness in teenagers. We discover why manners matter more than ever in the digital age and post-Covid worldFull Show NotesRaising teenagers in today’s world is challenging, with digital distractions and societal pressures complicating traditional upbringing methods. Parents often wonder if they've covered all the bases in preparing their children for adulthood, especially when it comes to social skills and manners that go beyond the dining table.In today's episode, we sit down with Brooke Romney, a prolific writer, speaker, educator, and connector known for her insightful pieces in The Washington Post and Deseret News. Brooke is here to share her unique approach to bridging the gap between what teenagers know and what they need to know to thrive socially and emotionally.Bridging the Teenage GapBrooke noticed a divide among teens—those who mastered social skills naturally and those who struggled, often due to a lack of explicit teaching or various personal challenges. Observing this, she was inspired to create a resource that would serve as a comprehensive guide, covering everything from initiating conversations to being a considerate guest. Her work, "52 Modern Manners for Today's Teens," provides teenagers and their families with a roadmap to successful social interactions and relationship-building.More Than Manners: Life Skills for SuccessBrooke’s mission extends beyond teaching which fork to use. By defining "manners" as essential life skills, her books delve into the practical aspects of leading a fulfilled life. Topics range from the simple act of introducing oneself to more complex issues like inclusivity and empathy. Through engaging presentations and family discussions, Brooke’s books aim to not only instruct but to connect, providing a shared language for families to address common social scenarios positively.From Observations to ActionsIn an era dominated by smartphones, many teens miss out on learning from real-world interactions observed in their environments. Brooke highlights the importance of being explicit in teaching these life skills, given that observational learning has diminished. Her material serves as a reminder and a guide for teens to learn the social norms that might not be as intuitively absorbed as generations past.The Power of ConnectionOne of the central themes in Brooke Romney’s work is the emphasis on relationship-building and connection. By understanding and implementing these 52 manners, teens can unlock doors to more meaningful interactions and opportunities. Brooke’s books not only offer teenagers the "cheat codes" to navigating life's social challenges but also help parents approach these topics in a non-confrontational, supportive manner.In the Episode…Discover the inspiration behind Brooke Romney’s dedication to teen development.Learn about the unique approach Brooke takes to teach manners as life skills.Explore various manners from introductions to celebration of others, and the impact on teen success.Find out how these manners can create a foundation for strong relationships and personal growth.Hear about real-life examples of families and teens who have benefitted from Brooke’s guidance.Ready to help your teen master the art of living well in a modern world? Tune in to this enlightening episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more expert insights on teen upbringing.

Dr. Caroline Leaf, author and clinical neuroscientist, shares wisdom from her years of study and practice helping kids develop healthy minds. She offers us practical tips on what parents can do to help their teens build mental resilience for years to come.Full Show NotesIt will come as no surprise to parents up and down the country to hear that we are in the midst of a mental health crisis, and it is our children and adolescents who are bearing the brunt of it.Every generation faces change, experiencing something completely unique and different to the last - whether that’s technological, political, socioeconomic or something else entirely. Change is life’s constant companion. However, when the pace of change accelerates but we do not adapt our methods for managing life’s chaos along with it, our mental health suffers.The model our society has in place for managing mental health has remained largely unchanged over the last 50 years and it is no longer keeping pace with our mental health needs. This has left us in a mental mess; one that is felt most acutely by the youngest members of our society.A change in approach is long overdue, and if we want our children to rise to life’s challenges today, we need to adapt our own thinking so that we can equip our kids with the tools they need to thrive now.To learn what we can do to help our teenagers manage their mental health and find peace of mind, we’re talking to Dr Caroline Leaf, author of How to Help Your Child Clean Up Their Mental Mess.Caroline is a communication pathologist and cognitive neurologist who specializes in helping people to see the power of their mind and find mental peace. With over 40 years of research and writing in this area, she is a best-selling author of 19 books, has a top-rated podcast, and currently lectures at academic, medical, corporate, and religious conferences around the world.In our interview, we’re talking about the impact our mind has on our brain, body and lives and how managing our teen’s mental health starts with managing our own.The Mind Is Not The BrainWhen we talk about the mind and the brain, we often use the two words interchangeably. But the mind and brain are not the same thing, says Caroline - they’re separate. It is our mind that actually processes life. The mind translates life to the brain, and the brain responds on a neurochemical and physical level and directs the bodily response. In the study of psycho-neurobiology, Caroline explains, we look at how the mind changes both the biology of the brain and the body, and how this mind-brain-body connection impacts us and influences how we show up in life.If we look at how a person is showing up, how they are communicating, how they are feeling in their body, we can read the signs that tell us the story behind them. Then, Caroline says, we can help that person process the story in a very organized and sequential way to understand its source, reconceptualize it, and influence how it plays out in their future.Because stuff has happened and will happen, Caroline says, and you can’t change that fact. So, what we need to know is what is happening inside of our minds and what we can do to manage it.Caroline describes her system, which she calls the neurocycle, as the cyclical process of how life becomes a part of us and how we can, in turn, influence life. She explains that we are all constantly neurocycling and we’re either doing it well and managing, or we’re not and it’s messy. A messy mind means a messy brain, messy body and a messy life. But over the last 50 years, this mental messiness has been reduced down to a set of symptoms to diagnose, medicate and ultimately eliminate. Ignoring the complexity, the massiveness of a person’s unique story, Caroline says, does not help to clean up this messiness. Symptoms are just the tip of the iceberg. Experiencing a mental mess is okay, she says, so long as we read the signs and do something about it. We need to take the time to understand our mind-brain-body connection and how we can better manage its impact on our lives. Helping a person manage their mind is absolutely something we can teach ourselves and our children, Caroline says.Helping Your Teen Manage Their MindWhat does managing your mind even mean?, Caroline asks. In the episode, she shares a simple example of how an everyday interaction can turn into a behavioral pattern and spiral into a messy situation if both a parent’s and a child’s mind isn’t properly managed.Say something happened that really threw your teen for a loop at school. They come home, throw their bag down, and get frustrated or snap at you. And as a parent, you react to their bad attitude, letting your emotions rule you in a way that can lead to immediate conflict. Let’s say that this happens on a continual basis, and your child starts to withdraw to avoid the conflict and stops communicating with you. So, you take the child to a psychiatrist, who diagnoses them and gives them medication and a label like

Tanith Cary, author of Feeling Blah?, clues us in on the science behind anhedonia, the technical term for “feeling blah.” Teens are reporting high levels of depression and anhedonia—we explore what parents can do to combat it. Full Show NotesTanith Carey, author of Feeling Blah?, clues us in on the science behind anhedonia, the technical term for “feeling blah.” Teens are reporting high levels of depression and anhedonia—we explore what parents can do to combat it. Does your teenager get into moods where everything just feels “blah”? Where school, practice and hobbies no longer generate the kind of enthusiasm they used to, and it seems like all the joy has been sucked out of life?It might feel like your teen is struggling with a deep, existential crisis, but it could be related to a condition known as anhedonia. Anhedonia can affect us all but it is becoming increasingly prevalent among teenagers.Learning to recognize the signs and knowing what to do - and, sometimes, what not to say - is key to teaching our kids to manage their own emotional systems and lead fulfilled, joyful lives.To explain the neuroscience behind why anhedonia leaves people feeling joyless and how we can help our kids recapture that joy, we’re talking to Tanith Carey, author of Feeling Blah. Tanith is an award-winning author and journalist with 13 books on psychology, mental health and adolescence that have been published and translated into 35 languages, and has written articles on mental health in adolescents and much more for media outlets all around the world. In our interview, we’re talking about understanding what anhedonia means for our kids, teaching them how happiness works in the brain, and the practical steps we can take to help our kids build and maintain their emotional wellbeing.Name It To Tame ItUnless you know the word for it, it’s more difficult to fix it, says Tanith as she explains why she wants to bring the word “anhedonia” out of research papers and into public discourse.We might be able to recognize that we are in a state of “blah” but without the ability to name this feeling and understand how it works, how can we expect to combat it? We end up feeling stuck and this is a major problem for our teens, says Tanith, as teens don’t think that feeling “blah” is something that you can do anything about. Tanith defines anhedonia as a state of loss of enjoyment and also a lack of motivation. It is well known clinically as a symptom of depression but more and more research now shows that it is a standalone condition too. You can not be depressed but still feel “blah.” Anhedonia is on the rise and teenagers aren’t as happy as they used to be, Tanith says. This has been happening in concurrent generations since the 1950s so that we may now think it is normal or acceptable to not be excited about what we are doing. The joy is being squeezed out of our young people, she says, and there are many contributing factors, including the education system and the lost concept of “spark,” which we talk about in the episode. But as parents we shouldn’t accept this state of “blah” as the status quo for our teens, she says. It’s really important that we show our teenagers how to flourish and not to languish. As a society, we have a lot of challenges to face, Tanith says, and we need motivated, flourishing young people who understand the pressure that modern life is having on their brain chemistry and know that they are not stuck.How Does Happiness Work In The Brain?Tanith and I talk about how when you ask parents, “What do you want for your child?”, by and large the most common thing they say is, “I want them to be happy.” But parents don’t really know how to make their kids happy, Tanith says, and kids don’t know how to make themselves happy, because they don’t understand the work of the reward circuit.The brain’s reward circuit comes in three parts, as Tanith explains in the episode. The first part is anticipation. Joy is the anticipation, the building up of the dopamine chemical - this is the enjoyment in the moment. Next comes the release of dopamine when fulfilling that anticipation. And finally, the third part is remembering the event, what made you happy, so that you want to do it again.Because the fact is for adolescents, Tanith says, life is stressful. They are under a lot of pressure and so their brains are overloaded with the stress hormone cortisol. She explains that there are no psychological issues which don’t have raised cortisol implicated in some way, crowding out dopamine and the three phases of the reward circuit. But the great thing is, Tanith says, that we know more about the working of the brain than at any point in history. We can see how joy is formed in the brain, so it’s time to harness that knowledge against anhedonia. We need to accept that modern life is difficult and give our kids the understanding of what is actually going on in their brains to help them to push back. Adolescence is a great time to get these

Sam LaCrosse, author of Value Economics, unveils principles for fostering strong values in teenagers. We also dive into an examination of helping teens build a sense of identity, and the impact of going too far with positivity.Full Show NotesIn today's world, teenagers are bombarded with questions about who they are and where they belong. Social media and a plethora of information sources can often lead them down paths of confusion and identity crises. It’s crucial for parents to understand the role they play in guiding their teenagers towards developing a strong sense of self, built on a foundation of positive values. Sam LaCrosse, a young author passionate about the intersection of economics and identity formation, joins us to unravel how we can apply economic principles to instill strong values in our teenagers.Sam LaCrosse, at the age of 24, penned "Value Economics: The Study of Identity," aiming to offer a fresh perspective on building one's identity based on well-crafted values. He brings incredible personal vulnerability into his work, making strong arguments against the prevailing winds of self-help that preach unattainable positivism and highlights the necessity of sacrifice and self-awareness in cultivating personal values and identity.The Factors of Value ProductionSam discusses the necessity of transforming basic experiences into valuable life lessons through "The Factors of Value Production." This concept is broken into four key components: experiences, actions, discipline, and self-awareness. Each plays a critical role in how individuals, especially teenagers, can craft their values. Through relatable examples, Sam ignites a conversation on how parents can encourage their teenagers to engage more deeply with their world, learn from their experiences, and develop a robust value system.Modeling Strong Values at HomeThe conversation dives into how parents can be exemplary models of strong values for their teenagers. By sharing responsibilities and demonstrating mutual respect within the household, parents can set a precedent for how values inform identity and actions in the real world. Sam emphasizes the importance of courage in sticking to one’s values, even when faced with polarization and challenges.Navigating Excess and Diminishing Returns in ValuesSam and Andy explore the concept of excess in the context of values, cautioning against rigid adherence that can lead to harmful extremism. The discussion pivots to "diminishing returns" on certain values and the importance of recognizing when persistence in a value becomes counterproductive. Through personal anecdotes, Sam illustrates how self-awareness about one’s values and their impacts is crucial for balanced development.Fostering Self-Awareness in TeenagersA pivotal part of the episode is dedicated to fostering self-awareness among teenagers—a value Sam holds in the highest regard. They discuss practical strategies for helping teenagers become more introspective and self-aware, from creating quiet spaces to encouraging active listening. By reducing noise from social media and the external world, teenagers can better understand themselves and their values.Topics Covered in This Episode Include:Personal vulnerabilities and the power of sacrifice in value formation.The economic analogy of crafting values: experiences, actions, discipline, and self-awareness.The importance of modeling strong values and courage in value-based decision-making.Recognizing when values reach excess and how to adjust for healthy development.Practical tips for promoting self-awareness and introspection in teenagers.Parents seeking to guide their teenagers through the complex journey of identity formation will find Sam LaCrosse’s insights invaluable. Through understanding the principles of value economics, parents can equip their teens with the tools needed to navigate life with purpose and integrity.Tune into this episode to learn more about shaping your teen's identity through values and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more enlightening conversations.

Catherine Read, author of The Genius of Home, helps us compare the advantages and challenges of homeschooling with traditional school, and how to handle the transition from one to the other and vice versa!Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's fast-paced world means constantly searching for the best ways to nurture their development while keeping up with their educational needs. But what if the key to providing a rounded and enriching education lies outside the traditional classroom setting? That's what we're exploring in today's episode, where we dive into an educational philosophy that ties learning to the natural rhythms of a child's development: the Waldorf curriculum.Today, we're fortunate to be joined by Catherine Read, a developmental psychologist with a PhD from UCLA and an accomplished author. Over the course of her career, Catherine has embraced the Waldorf curriculum, homeschooling her two daughters through the 11th grade. Her book, "The Genius of Home: Teaching Your Children at Home with the Waldorf Curriculum," sheds light on this journey and the profound impact of Waldorf education.The Waldorf DifferenceAt the heart of our discussion with Catherine is the striking contrast between the Waldorf approach to education and the conventional methods found in most schools. Unlike the typical fragmented school day, Waldorf education emphasizes blocks of focused learning, particularly in the morning when students' minds are most receptive to absorbing new information. This method not only respects the student's developmental stage but also encourages active participation and self-exploration.Catherine shares her firsthand experiences transitioning from playgroups to homeschooling, emphasizing the importance of nature, imagination, and beauty in the educational process. The Waldorf curriculum's emphasis on creating a harmonious learning environment resonates through her anecdotes, showcasing how this approach fosters a deeper connection between teachers, students, and the subjects at hand.Practical Takeaways for ParentsWhile adopting a full Waldorf curriculum at home might not be feasible for everyone, Catherine offers invaluable advice for parents looking to incorporate elements of this philosophy into their teens' education. From restructuring the day to prioritize focused learning periods to encouraging outdoor activities and personal exploration, there are myriad ways to enhance our teens' learning experiences outside the classroom.Catherine also addresses the practical challenges of homeschooling, such as the need for parental involvement and the societal skepticism that often accompanies non-traditional educational choices. Her insights into overcoming these obstacles offer encouragement and practical strategies for parents contemplating a more hands-on approach to their child's education.Beyond the ClassroomPerhaps the most compelling aspect of our conversation with Catherine is the broader implications of Waldorf education for adolescent development. As teens navigate the complex journey toward adulthood, the values instilled through a Waldorf-inspired education — such as respect for oneself and one's observations, the trust in personal judgment, and the importance of experiential learning — become invaluable assets.In essence, Catherine's message is one of hope and empowerment: by rethinking our approach to education, we can better equip our teens to face the future with confidence, creativity, and a deep-seated respect for the world around them.In This Episode, We Also Discuss:The structure and benefits of block learning.Techniques for instilling confidence in teens through respectful learning environments.Strategies for integrating Waldorf principles into everyday learning, regardless of schooling method.The importance of connecting learning to real-world experiences and the outdoors.How to support your teen's educational journey in a holistic and meaningful way.For more insights from Catherine Read, be sure to check out her book, "The Genius of Home: Teaching Your Children at Home with the Waldorf Curriculum." Whether you're a homeschooling veteran or simply seeking ways to enrich your teen's educational experience, there's something in this episode for everyone. Don't miss out on these valuable lessons — listen to the full episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens today.

Selena Rezvani, author of Quick Confidence, joins us to discuss misperceptions around confidence and resilience. We learn the counterintuitive role vulnerability and authenticity have in raising confident teens.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today’s world comes with its unique set of challenges - among them, helping our teens navigate the tightrope of self-confidence. Often, society pushes a surface-level idea of confidence, emphasizing a façade of fearlessness and bravado. However, true confidence—rooted in authenticity, vulnerability, and self-expression—offers a more meaningful and resilient foundation for our teens as they journey toward adulthood.Today, we're thrilled to be joined by Selena Rezvani, a renowned speaker, content creator, and commentator on leadership, and the author of the insightful book, "WIC Confidence." Selena brings a fresh perspective on building genuine confidence that celebrates individuality and encourages connection.First Impressions and AuthenticityWe start with a conversation on the pressures teens face to conform in new situations and how striving for positive first impressions often leads to hiding their true selves. Selena offers practical advice on breaking the ice and forming connections without sacrificing authenticity. The discussion includes actionable tips for parents on guiding their teens through these social dynamics.The Power of OutfitsSelena introduces us to the concept of a "power outfit" and how attire can significantly influence confidence levels. We explore how teens can identify clothing that makes them feel powerful and authentic, crafting a personal style that boosts their confidence.Acts of Non-ComplianceIn a world that often demands conformity, standing out can be daunting for teens. Selena discusses the importance of acts of non-compliance as a form of self-expression and authenticity. This segment provides parents with strategies to support their teens in embracing and showcasing their unique identities, even when it challenges societal norms.Handling Toxic RelationshipsNavigating relationships is a critical part of adolescence. Selena shares insights into recognizing and dealing with toxic people, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no. We delve into practical ways parents can equip their teens with the skills to protect their energy and prioritize their well-being in all types of relationships.Additional Topics CoveredThe role of vulnerability in true confidence Strategies for teaching teens to stop over-apologizing Encouraging teens to view themselves as experts in their passions The underestimated power of silence in communication Fostering a mindset that embraces failure as a growth opportunitySelena Rezvani’s expertise offers parents, teachers, and anyone involved in a teenager’s life valuable insights on fostering an environment where authentic confidence can flourish. Join us in this enlightening conversation as we dive into practical tools and mindset shifts that support our teens in becoming truly confident individuals.Listen to the episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into the art of parenting teenagers.

John Schlimm, author of What Would Gen-Z Do, clues us in onto what’s going on with Gen Z. What does the next generation do well, struggle with, and care about most? Full Show NotesIn a world where generations often struggle to understand each other, Generation Z stands out as a group extensively stereotyped and misunderstood. Known for their digital nativity and often misinterpreted through media, Gen Z's authentic voices and concerns are frequently overshadowed. This episode of Talking to Teens delves into the world of Generation Z, shedding light on how to foster deeper and more meaningful conversations between teens and adults.Our guest, John Schlimm, is a Harvard-trained educator, artist, advocate, and international award-winning author who has been instrumental in unveiling the complex nature of Gen Z. Through extensive research, trusted relationships, and innovative projects like the Gen Z Time Capsule with the Andy Warhol Museum, John has provided a platform for Gen Zers to present themselves to the world beyond stereotypes and stigmas.The Importance of ListeningThe episode opens with a vital realization: when talking about sensitive topics like mental health, are adults being triggered by Gen Z’s openness? They grew up in a time where such discussions were taboo. Understanding this dynamic can transform conversations, making them more open and honest.Breaking Stereotypes: The World of GamingGen Z’s engagement with video games is often criticized by older generations. John shares insights on how games are not merely a pastime but a way to develop crucial skills like strategic thinking, communication, and social-emotional learning. Understanding and respecting Gen Z's hobbies can bridge gaps between generations.Navigating Social Media: The Reality of "Finstas"The concept of "Finstas," or fake Instagram accounts, is often misinterpreted by adults. John clarifies that these accounts are less about secrecy and more about a space for Gen Zers to express their authentic selves without the pressure of judgment. Understanding the personal side of social media can foster better communication.Respecting Gen Z's Unique Lifestyle: Sleep Patterns and IndependenceDiscussing Gen Z's unconventional sleep patterns and their quest for independence, John proposes adapting to their lifestyle rather than enforcing outdated norms. Whether it's considering classes at unconventional hours or understanding their late-night habits, flexibility and respect are key.Embracing Vulnerability and Respectful ConversationsThe episode emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and respect in conversations with Gen Z. By sharing personal experiences and struggles, adults can connect with Gen Z on a deeper level, fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.Topics Covered in the Episode...The dynamic relationship between mental health discussions and generational triggersThe educational benefits of video gaming for Gen ZUnderstanding the role of "Finstas" in Gen Z’s social media useAdapting to Gen Z’s sleep patterns and advocating for their independenceThe power of vulnerability and respect in bridging generational dividesFor anyone seeking to understand and connect with Generation Z, this episode offers valuable insights into their world, challenges, and the beauty of meaningful conversations.Listen to this enlightening episode and subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights on fostering positive relationships with the teenagers in your life.

Pam Lobley, author of Why Can’t We Just Play?, tells the story of how she got her family’s summer schedule under control and created a stronger bond with her kids by embracing the notion of “doing nothing.” Full Show NotesIn today's fast-paced world, the life of a teenager often mirrors the hustle and bustle of adulthood. With a calendar filled to the brim with school, extracurricular activities, and social commitments, the notion of "free time" seems like a relic of the past. But what if the secret to balance, happiness, and creativity for our teens lies in embracing the art of doing nothing?This week on Talking to Teens, we delve into a topic that's at once revolutionary and nostalgic: the profound impact of stepping back to a simpler time when kids had the freedom to play without agendas or supervision. Joining us is Pam Lobley, a comedic actress turned author, whose intriguing experiment and subsequent book, "Why Can't We Just Play," brings forth valuable insights for modern-day parents striving to raise well-rounded and resilient teenagers.The Lost Art of Free PlayPam shares the story of how a casual conversation and the visceral reaction of her own children to an over-scheduled life led her to conduct a summer-long experiment with her family, stepping back into the ideals of the 1950s. This was a time when kids had the license to be kids, roaming free, inventing games, and discovering the world at their pace. The experiment, though challenging in a world that equates busyness with productivity, revealed surprising benefits not only for her children but for Pam herself.Facing Modern Parenting PressuresIn our discussion, we explore the societal pressures that compel us to keep our teens always "on the go." Pam elucidates how this relentless scheduling might stem from a place of love and fear of them falling behind, yet it strips away crucial developmental opportunities. Learning to embrace periods of unstructured time can be transformative for teenagers, providing them with space to cultivate imagination, independence, and problem-solving skills.Letting Go of ControlOne of the most poignant aspects of Pam's narrative is the realization of how relinquishing control can foster a sense of responsibility and autonomy in teenagers. By allowing her children the freedom to choose their activities and manage their boredom, Pam witnessed an evolution in how they approached their free time and tackled the inevitable challenges of growing up.Navigating Judgement and Social NormsPam and I also discuss the inevitable scrutiny that comes with choosing a less conventional parenting path. She shares her strategies for maintaining conviction in her choices despite societal expectations and the judgment of peers. This segment is particularly enlightening for parents who may feel isolated in their desire to defy the "over-scheduled" status quo.In the Episode…Our conversation with Pam Lobley is brimming with anecdotes, reflections, and advice that urge parents to reconsider the merit of downtime in their teenager's lives. If you're curious about the impact of "doing nothing" and the potential it holds for nurturing happier, more imaginative teenagers, this episode is for you.Also, don't miss discussions on:The challenge of finding balance in a digitally saturated age.Practical tips for instituting "free play" time in your family.How to communicate the value of unstructured time to teenagers.Long-term benefits of embracing a slower-paced childhood.Give this thought-provoking episode a listen and discover the unexpected joys of allowing teens to sometimes do absolutely nothing. Subscribe to Talking to Teens for more insights into the art and science of parenting teenagers.

Jonah Berger, author of Magic Words, teaches us techniques for what to say to get our way. An expert on influencing techniques, Dr Berger clues us in on the six types of language and which to use to get through to stubborn teens.Full Show NotesRaising teens is no small feat, especially when it comes to communication. How often do parents find themselves at a loss for words, trying to guide, persuade, or connect with their ever-changing teenagers? Yet, what if the solution to improving these conversations was hidden in the very words we select? Today, we're exploring the potent impact of language on influencing and understanding your teenager.In this enlightening episode, we're joined by Dr. Jonah Berger, a renowned expert in language and social influence. Jonah's research and his latest book, "Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way," shed light on how subtle changes in the words we choose can dramatically shift the outcomes of our interactions. His insights are particularly compelling for parents navigating the complex dynamics of teenage communication.The Science of "Speak": Understanding Teenage BrainsTeenagers are complex. Their brains are rapidly developing, leading to unique patterns of thinking and communication. Jonah's framework, the “Speak” model, identifies key strategies grounded in this developmental understanding, helping parents harness the power of language effectively.One powerful takeaway from our conversation is the transformation of actions into identities. Learn how framing requests or expectations in terms of identity ("be a helper" instead of "help") can motivate teens more effectively and shape their self-perception positively."Could" Versus "Should": Empowering Teen Decision-MakingThe dilemma of "could" versus "should" in language illustrates how empowering teens to consider a range of possibilities, rather than imposing singular shoulds, can lead to more creative and autonomous decision-making. This approach fosters critical thinking and encourages resilience in facing challenges.Jonah delves into the intriguing effects of verb tense and perspective on motivation and confidence, revealing that how we talk about the past, present, and future can inspire action and reduce anxiety in teenagers, paving the way for greater self-assurance and achievement.Navigating Accusations and Responsibility with CareThe discussion also highlights the need for caution in using words like "you," which can inadvertently place blame or create resistance. Understanding this nuance is crucial for maintaining open lines of communication and avoiding unnecessary conflict.Finally, Jonah discusses the balance between expressing certainty to convey confidence and showing uncertainty to foster connection and empathy. Parents can learn when and how to use each approach to strengthen their relationships with their teens.In the Episode…Don't miss these additional insights covered in our conversation with Jonah: - Strategies for using language to build teen self-esteem - The role of language in conflict resolution with teens - How parents can model effective communication for their teens - Tips for making routine conversations with teenagers more impactfulThis episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone looking to improve their communication with teenagers. Jonah Berger's research offers a new lens through which to view our everyday exchanges, making this a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone who interacts with teens regularly.Don't forget to share this episode and subscribe to "Talking to Teens." Join us next week for more insights on navigating the challenges and joys of raising teenagers.

Dr. Brock and Dr. Fernette Eide, authors of The Dyslexic Advantage, delve into the intricacies of the dyslexic brain. We cover the incredible, though often hidden, strengths of a dyslexic brain, and advocating for better learning environments for all learners.Full Show NotesParenting a teenager who's facing learning challenges can sometimes feel like navigating an uncharted map—especially if your teen has been diagnosed with dyslexia. Traditional educational environments often spotlight the hurdles dyslexic students face, such as reading difficulties and slow processing speed. But what if we've been looking at dyslexia all wrong? What if, buried beneath the challenges, there lie incredible strengths and untapped potential?This week on "Talking to Teens," we delve into a transformative conversation with Brock and Fernette Eide, leading experts in the field of dyslexia and authors of the international bestseller "The Dyslexic Advantage." Both doctors and co-founders of the nonprofit Dyslexic Advantage and the social purpose corporation Neuro Learning, Brock and Fernette bring a wealth of knowledge, research, and personal experience to our discussion. After encountering learning challenges within their own family, they embarked on a mission to understand dyslexia not just as a disability, but as a unique advantage in disguise.Dyslexia: A Paradigm ShiftWe kick things off by challenging the traditional narrative surrounding dyslexia. Far from a simple hindrance, Brock and Fernette illustrate how the dyslexic brain is wired differently, leading to unique strengths that manifest in creativity, three-dimensional thinking, and problem-solving. By understanding these strengths, we can begin to see dyslexia not as a deficit, but as a different kind of cognitive specialization.Recognizing Hidden TalentsOne of the key messages from our guests is the importance of recognizing and nurturing the creative potential in dyslexic teenagers. Too often, their talents can be overshadowed by academic struggles. Brock and Fernette share inspiring stories and research that emphasize the need for parents and educators to support dyslexic teens in discovering their passions and strengths, which may not always align with traditional school subjects.Creating Supportive EnvironmentsA central theme of our conversation is the critical role of supportive environments—both at home and in school—in unlocking the potential of teens with dyslexia. Brock and Fernette provide practical advice on advocating for accommodations and identifying schools or programs that appreciate the diverse talents within the dyslexic community. They highlight how understanding and empathy can make a profound difference in a teen's educational journey and self-esteem.The Future is BrightAs we wrap up, our guests leave us with an empowering message: with the right approach and mindset, dyslexia can be a powerful asset. They remind us that many successful innovators, artists, and leaders have harnessed their dyslexic strengths to change the world. By embracing dyslexia's advantages, we can inspire our teens to do the same.In this episode, we also explore:- The neuroscience behind dyslexia's unique cognitive profile- How dyslexia affects working memory and why it may contribute to creativity- The importance of experiential learning for dyslexic individuals- Strategies for managing academic challenges while fostering self-confidenceIf you're looking to understand and support a dyslexic teenager in your life, this episode offers a refreshing perspective and actionable insights. Join us as Brock and Fernette Eide shine a light on "The Dyslexic Advantage" and how to nurture the incredible potential found within dyslexic minds.Remember to subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more invaluable insights into the world of parenting teenagers.

Berna Anat, author of Money Out Loud, helps us unpacks the tangle of personal finance and psychology to better understand our financial habits. It’s never too late to change money habits for the better and pass on healthy financial behaviors to our teens!Full Show NotesRaising teenagers in today's complex financial landscape is no easy feat. With an abundance of conflicting advice and the unique challenges presented by the digital age, parents often find themselves unsure about how to approach money matters with their kids. This episode challenges the traditional wisdom around financial literacy and offers parents fresh, actionable strategies for discussing money with their teens.This week, we're joined by Berna Anat, a financial literacy expert and the vibrant voice behind Money Out Loud. As the daughter of Philippine immigrants, Berna's own journey from silence to education about personal finance forms the bedrock of her approach to financial education. With a philosophy that stresses understanding your money story before attempting to rewrite it, Berna's insights are not just practical—they're transformative.Understanding Your Money StoryIt often begins with us—the parents. Berna encourages us to delve into our own experiences with money, acknowledging that our earliest influences shape our financial behaviors today. By confronting and understanding these narratives, we can model financial mindfulness and resilience for our teens, setting the stage for honest and productive discussions about money.Budgeting Myths BustedOne-size-fits-all budgeting advice doesn't cut it anymore. Berna debunks the popular 50/30/20 budgeting rule and advocates for a more flexible, personalized approach to managing finances. She emphasizes experimentation and adjustment as the keys to finding a budgeting system that resonates with your family's unique needs and goals.Strategic Credit UseBerna unveils a lesser-known strategy for giving teens a jumpstart on building a healthy credit score, stressing the importance of evolving beyond scare tactics to a more nuanced understanding of credit. The episode breaks down how to introduce your teen to credit cards and loans in a way that empowers rather than intimidates.Fostering Financial Empathy and ActivismUltimately, our financial decisions ripple outwards, influencing not just our immediate family but the broader community and world. Berna discusses how to instill a sense of financial empathy and activism in teens, encouraging them to think critically about where their money goes and what it supports.Key Takeaways:- Insights into unpacking your personal money story and its impact on your parenting.- Practical advice for moving beyond traditional budgeting norms to find what works for you and your teen.- Strategies for introducing teens to credit in a responsible and empowering way.- Ideas for nurturing financial empathy and activism in teens, encouraging them to make thoughtful, ethical financial choices.Whether you're struggling to find the right way to talk about money with your teen or looking for ways to enhance their financial literacy, this episode offers valuable perspectives and actionable tips. Join us as Berna Anat shares her revolutionary approach to making financial education accessible, engaging, and effective for today's families.Don't miss this episode—tune in and subscribe to Talking to Teens to stay updated on our latest episodes aimed at helping parents navigate the complexities of raising teenagers in today's world.

Leon Logothetis, author of Go Be Brave, speaks about how bravery comes up in all aspects of life. We discuss the interplay of vulnerability, anger, and making peace when raising assured teens.Full Show NotesRaising teenagers is a complex journey filled with highs, lows, and the many moments in between. In today's fast-paced world, where authenticity often takes a backseat to social media facades, how can we encourage our teens to uncover and speak their truth? More importantly, as parents and guardians, how can we provide a safe space that nurtures their bravery and authentic selves?In this enlightening episode of "Talking to Teens," we delve into these pressing questions and more with the inspirational Leon Logothetis, a global adventurer, motivational speaker, philanthropist, and the author behind the empowering book, "Go Be Brave: 24 and Three Quarters Adventures for a Fearless, Wiser, and Truly Magnificent Life." Leon's journey from a London broker to a world explorer relying on the kindness of strangers is a testament to the power of embracing one’s true self and the courage it takes to step into the unknown.Leon shares insights on why teenagers, more than any other age group, may find it particularly challenging to be authentic and the hurdles they face in voicing their needs and emotions. He stresses the importance of creating a safe environment for teens to express themselves, even when it involves anger or frustration, and provides practical advice on how to facilitate these crucial conversations at home.Embracing Vulnerability and AuthenticityLeon emphasizes the importance of vulnerability in both teens and their parents. By sharing our own journeys, including the struggles, we can demonstrate to our teens that it's alright not to have everything figured out and that authenticity is more valuable than perfection.The Safe Expression of AngerLearn why Leon believes that expressing anger is not only inevitable but necessary for emotional development, and discover techniques to ensure these expressions are safe and constructive. This part of the conversation is especially enlightening for parents navigating the tumultuous teenage years.Adventures in BraveryLeon introduces the concept of "adventures in bravery" — practical, actionable steps teens (and adults) can take to challenge their comfort zones and grow in confidence. These adventures serve as a blueprint for embracing life's uncertainties with a brave heart.Encouraging Open CommunicationOne of the episode's highlights is the discussion on fostering an environment of open communication. Leon shares strategies for parents to listen actively and respond empathetically, ensuring teens feel heard, validated, and, most importantly, understood.In this episode, we also cover:- The psychology behind why teens find it hard to express themselves.- Tips for parents on modeling vulnerability.- The importance of owning our mistakes and learning from them.- How to support your teen in choosing their path while encouraging bravery and authenticity.Leon's story and insights offer a refreshing perspective on parenting teens in today's complex world. His emphasis on truth, bravery, and kindness as foundations for a fulfilling life resonates throughout our conversation, providing listeners with invaluable guidance on nurturing these values in their teenagers.Join us as Leon Logothetis inspires us to create deeper connections with our teens through understanding, courage, and, most importantly, love. Don't miss out on this transformative episode that may just change the way you think about parenting in the modern age.Listen to the episode and subscribe to "Talking to Teens" for more invaluable insights on nurturing resilience, bravery, and authenticity in our teenagers.