Something Shiny: ADHD!

Are folx with ADHD made to be night owls? Or early birds? Or does your early bird/night owl setting, which feels so engrained in your personality, actually have more to do with giving yourself distraction-less time? David and Isabelle explore myths, misperceptions, and truth bombs about the nature of sleep and ADHD, including tips on setting up your morning or evening (or all day) routines, dropping the shame, and embracing what you may be doing right in staying up late (or waking up early). ---- Isabelle is super tired and is tired of her own choosing. She has been waking up earlier than usual in an attempt for her and Bobby to each get some alone time in the morning to get situated and start their routines and transitions differently. She does yoga, exercises, meditates, and can see that it gives her more energy. She wonders if folx with ADHD are actually night owls by nature, having spent years waking really early, then sleeping in—but is it ADHD? Delayed sleep phase is one idea, but David mentions that folx with ADHD seek out a distraction-free environment, and where you get that time (whether in the morning or in the night time) is the kind of person you become (early bird or night owl). So you adapt to achieve the distraction less time in the morning or at night. We carry so much of a load for all the things we’re not doing (I still need to call this person, I still need to do all these chores, etc). the escape of things being too late or too early to do also gives us distraction-less time. Being up early or staying up late gets really simple, it takes away choices. What happens when you are hyper vigilant all the time that you’ve made a mistake and someone is going to call you on making a mistake before you realize you’ve made a mistake? Or that you’ll later be embarrassed for doing something impulsively? This connects to how often is anxiety used by us to drive things, the anxiety of being an imposter, being seen as incompetent—there are lots of these themes for people. Certain environments shut off the anxiety or the drives. How much shame we have determines the intensity of the anxiety, hyperfocus, hyper vigilance. One of the reasons we are doing this podcast is to reduce that shame: there’s no shame in your night game! If you are still getting up and doing the things you need to do in the morning, go for it. If you like to wake up super early and run for hours—we can self-authorize to do the things we like and need. And shoutout to new parents, from David, that in between all of the unsolicited parenting advice, you need to believe in yourself and your needs, and not have shame for your needs. There can be so much anxiety for the ongoing assault of judgment about how you should be doing it; or how you should be spending your evenings. Or how you should be spending our mornings. Or how neurotypical you should look, how you should ‘do’ ADHD. There is no right way. If the task gets done, drop the how. Isabelle points out that early birds are often praised while night owls get the shame. David names that it’s more about finding mastery over your behavior. The answer is yes, there is no better, the real question is: are you getting up for the things you need to get up for? It’s the metacognition (see definition below), that gives you awareness that you have some mastery over your behavior (eg. Like waking up early easing your morning transitions. Isabelle is so tired she realizes her tangents are in slow motion and David names that he sees her turning on her blinker to make her tangent. Isabelle remembers reading a book about sleep that mentioned a method used by the military to fall asleep in two minutes (see article below), that includes relaxing your jaw. David names that sleep training often relies upon fatigue, and fatiguing your body. Weighted blankets can help (but with a word of caution, they are quite heavy, so if you try to throw it across your bed like a regular blanket, you will throw your shoulder out). It’s tough to plan what time to go to bed without factoring in what time you want to wake up, nor that you need to wake up earlier the day before so that you’re actually tired and fatigued when you try to go to bed early. Isabelle experiences this every time she tried to go to bed early before a trip. David is trying to actively do this now by waking up earlier the day before and drinking lots of chamomile tea. David names: we often do the right things but we don’t know why. When you’re staying up later, you’re getting the alone time that you need, but you’re not allowed to have it. Or if you’re listening to music all the time it’s helping you tune the distractions or scary noises out. Sleep hygiene is a place where we should all over ourselves (stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself). Sleep hygiene is creating routines: does it help? Does it help you get sleep? It’s also effective to chunk time together, going to sleep could connect to when you wake up, what you do in the mornings. David names that

Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to continue to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians (for the 1st-6th parts of this talk, please see episode 4, All About ADHD Part I; episode 6, All About ADHD Part II; episode 9, All About ADHD Part III; episode 12, All About ADHD Part IV; episode 15, All About ADHD Part V; episode 18, All About ADHD Part VI). Gabe starts by asking about bedtime, or really any time when you have unstructured time or less to do/less responsibilities (for example, during the weekends). How can you get yourself to go to bed early, for example, when you don’t have as many boundaries and commitments already? How do you deal with variability in a routine or unstructured time? David names that you cannot make use of your time if you don’t know what you want to do it with. You can outsource choice through routine—practice going to bed/waking up at the same time, having the same bedtime routine—you don’t want your commitments to be punishing, you want them to be your commitments. David’s example is he’s not a great therapist before 10am, and knowing how he spends his mornings and how he spends his time. On his days off, he’s up at the same time, because it doesn’t make his days working a punishment—he calls them “luxury mornings,” he gets to have a coffee, and listen to this playlist, and cook a dish he gets to have for lunch. He’s not just waiting to do something else, there’s a bonus time fill. Isabelle gives an example if you get a last-minute cancellation or you get an unexpected chunk of free time: you give yourself a treat that’s only for that time, like a show you only get to watch if that happens. Isabelle saves her super weird indie films that no one else wants to watch, and it’s in five minute increments, now when someone cancels on her, she enjoys it—it’s about how to enjoy things, not giving yourself ‘free time.’ If you’re doing free time, you’re effed. When kids say they want free time, they want you to leave them alone, they don’t actually want free time, there’s always structure, like the games they want to play or who they want to play with. What about the chaos and drive within being connected to our productivity-focused Western culture? Gabe describes he behaves as he does because of the party he’s in—is it our culture as well? ADHD exists everywhere and we have different political understandings of what we call this diagnosis; ADHD is a medical issue, we can see how it processes information differently, it’s an objective difference in the development of a human, it’s not ‘caused by America’ or people being reinforced for inattentiveness. David names that he thinks ADHD is linked to a survival of the species (see below-Orchid Children article or “The Science of Success”). Referencing allele cells and epigenetic (see below)—in a nutshell, your grandmother’s environment influenced which of your genes are turned on/off—we pass on survival traits. David uses an example of humans abusing rats, where rats were abused and taught to associate a neutral smell (cherry blossom, see article below) with getting hit on the tail and eventually their tails were cut off—they later went on to have children, and those children were introduced to this new neutral smell (cherry blossom) and showed the same stress/fear response their mother’s did. For folx with ADHD, it’s similar in that there are some environments where we are distracted, scared, in our heads, etc., and other environments where we have mastery and feel less distracted, more in our zones. So you have to think about the environmental variables that help us do a task. AJ describes his ‘dough island,’ his place of working in the kitchen where he is noticing he has less distractions (no photos, no tv, etc.). You can then figure out which environments you are more successful in or less successful in. A lot of people have a stereotype of what studying should look like, like how Norman Rockwell invented a lot of associations with what Christmas looks like—now what does studying look like? Churning, grinding, giant books, painful, quiet library, crumpling up paper. Some people may study well just studying in a group never taking notes or writing anything, and if they succeed in school, they’re going to believe they’re cheating, which makes their self esteem take a hit. But wait a minute, the person may feel safer in these environments (allele cells are being activated) and the accommodation is working, it’s not so random. First question: where does the behavior NOT happen? If every time you transition you get anxious, think about if there’s ever a time when it doesn’t happen, and if you’re always anxious, accept that you’ll be anxious instead of thinking you’re failing. It’s about embracing it, finding what works for you, and radically accepting it, and throwing out what doesn’t work. Isabelle names how

Big Ol’ Disclaimer: We are not doctors or prescribers, but two therapists who have a lot of experience working with folx on/off, loving/hating, trying/not trying all types of medications and accommodations for ADHD. Please seek medical advice for all your medication questions! Continuation of disclaimers galore: we are not giving medical advice, just our opinions. The importance of having a therapist or someone who can help you monitor medications if you are on them. Isabelle describes what it’s like to be off of her ADHD medications while she’s been pregnant/breastfeeding children the last couple of years (stimulant medications, see below, are often not recommended during pregnancy/breastfeeding, though other forms of meds are safe for pregnancy/breastfeeding—another reason why it’s so important to have empowered conversations with your doctors, prescribers, and therapists!) It’s hard when part of your accommodations is medication and that leg of your scaffold is not available. Non-medical or pharmaceutical interventions for ADHD are effective and include: diet, working out, getting adequate sleep, mindfulness activities (not all the time) but a practice during the day can help with frustration tolerance, fidget toys, finding ways to get the energy out, finding more existential interventions to get yourself excited about things instead of anxious or angry about things. David using the idea of guessing the color of the tie of the annoying dinner companions he was previously angry about having to go to—switching an annoying task to an exciting one (those meddling mendelson’s with their zebra zingers!) David also mentions there are some ideas around microdosing with mushrooms, cannibis, ketamine, etc. and he’s never seen them work, not that they don’t, but that he doesn’t even know how to begin talking about them working and is not comfortable talking about it as an expert (if you are one, email us at [email protected]! We’d love to have you on the show to talk more!). Also those microdosing interventions would clearly not work (and be illegal!) with kids. There are really different kinds of ADHD medications, including antidepressants like Wellbutrin (buproprion), which works on inhibiting the uptake (or increasing the quantity of) dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine in the brain (which works with the neurotransmitters affected by the brain difference that is ADHD). While a number of other medications can be prescribed for ADHD, David and Isabelle drill down into specifics about the stimulant meds most often prescribed for it: Ritalin and Adderall. Each of these meds have a line of meds that come from them (each med is more related to one or the other). Ritalin is more of a stimulant while Adderall is a stimulant with a mild anti-anxiety component to it. People will have sometimes have side effects to Adderall that makes them feel like there are ants running under their skin or a cold sensation, it’s typically a reaction to the anti-anxiety part of the med; those folks can take the Ritalin or Wellbutrin route sometimes. David shares the story of how he was lucky and Ritalin worked for him; however, his curiosity and studies wanted him to try a newer class of meds like Focalin. He noticed 3 weeks later that it was working; he noticed it was working because he picked up a piece of paper on the floor to throw it away—on the first try! Yet three weeks later he couldn’t remember his partner’s face when she wasn’t in the room and having intense intrusive thoughts of feeling awful and very depressed. He didn’t realize it was the medication right away, but his partner helped him connect the dots and it felt better as soon as he got off of the meds. Even though he tried a different med in the Ritalin family and it should’ve worked for him but it didn’t. David honors how if he was a kid, they would talk about how his behavior was improving, and how he was performing better on tasks, but he might not be able to vocalize his depressive thoughts and changes in recall—so important to not make someone take medication. If medication works, people with ADHD will take it (because it works). They often don’t want to take it when it doesn’t work. People can sometimes feel that people feel really zombie-like, or off, or not like a person—but then you see all these neurotypical-world gold stars for performance but they miss that there’s a person underneath it who is experiencing it working or not working, too. It can take so much patience and tenacity to find a good fit. David and Isabelle reveal that they also specialize in working with trauma, and even specific to survivors with ADHD, it can impact what type of ADHD medication they can tolerate. Medications that come in and out of the body really quickly (like short-release stimulants) can lead to rage-filled or anxiety-filled moments when it stops and starts, because. Imagine a triangle with a lopsided or long triangle, like a duckbill—there are medications li

Big Ol’ Disclaimer: We are not doctors or prescribers, but two therapists who have a lot of experience working with folx on/off, loving/hating, trying/not trying all types of medications and accommodations for ADHD. Please seek medical advice for all your medication questions! Continuation of disclaimers galore: we are not giving medical advice, just our opinions. There are a lot of doctors in the world who know what medical terms actually mean and what they mean long term, we very much are aware that psychopharmacology is not our specialty, but we have a lot of experience with people trying medication. Nobody really talks about medication without being hyperbolic: it’s talked about as something that saved your life or that is awful. Most people who find something really effective medication or accommodation don’t talk about it everywhere. They just take the win and talk about it with their therapist. People often get the pop-psych version of what antidepressants, antipsychotics, anticonvulsants, stimulant, etc. meds are, v. How often we talk about something like insulin or blood pressure medications: they carry more shame, stigma, myths and misperceptions. ADHD is a medical condition that can have psychiatric consequences. This is something that is medically warranted but not psychiatrically warranted at all times. People think you can’t go to a regular doctor and get ADHD medication, but you can: it is a neurological difference and a medical condition. Not every person with ADHD needs medication AND it’s not a deficit if you have to take medication. A dilemma David experiences as a therapist is that he is hired by his clients to help wean them off of a medication; we have these thoughts around dependency and what it means to be on meds. What’s strange is how differently we view medication as opposed to other accommodations; for example, no one suggests you work a program to improve your vision to remove your need for eyeglasses (if such a thing exists, barring LASIK), but it’s something we do with medications. David just accepts he’s wearing glasses because they’re super effective. We don’t talk about how effective ADHD medication is for those who want to take it. Isabelle pauses to do a real-time look up of the numbers on efficacy, it is so much more effective than it is for other psychiatric conditions because it is a medical condition (70% of adults and 70-80% of children shortly after starting treatment, per the Cleveland Clinic—see the link below; this is contrasted to a 50% efficacy for antidepressants per the National Health Service—also see link below.). Also a way to think about how quickly you find a med that works for you, versus an antidepressant. It’s important that an ADHD med can help you and not be the right medication for you. Individuals with ADHD require more stimulation to do boring, nonstimulating, low-novelty tasks, so they’ll self-medicate with their own emotions, using anger, excitement, anxiety or fear—all of those make your heart beat faster, arouse your nervous system. Those emotional states are stimulants. David describes gamifying pairing his socks to make his self-stimulant through excitement rather than anger. For people who find anger or anxiety shutting them down in life, when those things get in your way, you might want to think about ADHD medication—it’s not just about impacting focus, it’s about the emotional consequences that come with ADHD. David reviews how non-stimulant medication (eg. Like Strattera) works like small chemical restraints, slows you down. More effective for anxiety-heavy ADHD. Stimulant medications (eg. Like Adderall and Ritalin) are more a way to stimulate your nervous system so you don’t need to self-stimulate to reach that condition. David describes that he didn’t get medication until he was in undergrad or college, the before moment was: “someday I’ll read a book.” And the after was “I could read a book,” this is why he’s such an advocate for people finding what works for them, medication nor not, medication for David was the difference between being a C/D student to becoming an A student. The closest he ever got to as focused as he was on meds was when David convinced himself he would be homeless if he didn’t finish a book in 8th grade, aside from that he didn’t read. To name the abuse of stimulant meds: people can abuse any substance: you can abuse food, for example. It’s important that these drugs are prescribed with therapy, so that a person starts to learn what a medication works for and what it doesn’t work for. The medication doesn’t change your life, you take the medication so you can change your behavior, to fix your life. It’s not speed and doesn’t make everyone do a lot of work; rather, it changes to give people with ADHD a more accurate appraisal of their work, but people without ADHD will appraise their work higher (while their actual performance doesn’t change, it just makes you think you performed better). Because of how impacted t

Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to continue to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians (for the 1st-5th parts of this talk, please see episode 4, All About ADHD Part I; episode 6, All About ADHD Part II; episode 9, All About ADHD Part III; episode 12, All About ADHD Part IV; episode 15, All About ADHD Part V). The audience checks in about the things they’ve remembered from previous lectures—the need for structure, wins, energy bar (making sure you use your energy during the day)—inability to integrate past memories into future experience means you have to develop metacognition, thinking about your thinking. What are we going to do about ADHD? ADHD is most often scapegoated for the world’s crap. For example, people dealing with all kinds of things, but the one diagnosis a parent will share on the playground after their kids shows all kinds of behaviors is ADHD, not the OCD, Bipolar II Disorder, etc. that their child is also experiencing. We also only attribute things to ADHD when they’re negative or could be viewed as negative—for example, after a meltdown—“It’s my ADHD” when no one ever completes a task brilliantly and says “it’s my ADHD!” Are people born having ADHD? Yes, you are born with it, you are genetically predisposed to it, if you have it someone in your family likely has it, and in places where ADHD is not present in the entire family, there is a family traumatic experience that can prime you, and even specific gene setups that can link to being more or less vulnerable to environmental factors (See Orchid Children article below). David talks about ADHD as a gift, referencing his incredible friend, Bill, who’s excited and about to make anything exciting when he talks about it. He travels the world giving speeches, writing articles, or improving his investment portfolios, the man does not relax—this is also about ADHD. It’s genetic, not a choice. What we do have a choice in is how we develop frustration tolerance, developing a sense of who you are, developing your self-esteem: that’s the variable. You have to believe you can do “it,” no matter how realistic, the belief needs to be fostered. The second most important thing is advocating for accommodations: knowing what you need and asking for it. The third most important thing is metacognition (thinking about thinking): knowing why the accommodation works, knowing you can do it because you’ve done it before—understanding why it works—for example, knowing you’re frustrated because you didn’t use your energy bar. Some people are born like an orchid, some are born like a dandelion: a dandelion can grow through a concrete slab, you can mow over them, they grow right back. David describes the orchid he is purchasing for his love and partner, Robin, and got this orchid and then he says he’s going to take care of it, and he killed it in a week. You can also put one ice cube on the orchid a week (or sprays)—and let it run with water. Students in schools are all treated like dandelions; but if you water an orchid like you water a dandelion, it’s dead. But orchids are beautiful, they last so long, they grow on some of the most inhospitable things, they add color and beauty to anything. What are the environmental watering instructions for someone with ADHD—it’s constantly having a menu and having to do things differently. Knowing why you struggle with something—a school would never take someone in a wheelchair and asks them to walk—they would create accommodations. So why take someone with ADHD and ask them to do something that they need to do differently and ask them to do it the same? ADHD is not a learning disability, it’s a sitting still, a pacing disability (when things move slowly, David turns into an insane person—like a slow-walking person…but put him in the trenches and he’s ready)—so he crosses the street, he goes out of the way to mitigate his frustration. Using a relief pitcher metaphor from baseball, a relief pitcher doesn’t pitch the whole game, or run, or hit the ball—it’s hard to define them as a baseball player…but they’re highly coveted for what they do. Now imagine a relief pitcher saying to their school: “I want to be a baseball player” so the school focuses on the running, hitting the ball, etc. but…it misses the thing that person does and does well. So part of the accommodation is knowing where you a relief pitcher, what you do well, and staying in your lane. For example, David and his partner set it up so that he has an allowance and passes money to her—not because he’s in shame about how he manages money, but because it helps him stay in his lane and not spend all his money on jujubes. The best accommodations are ones we make ourselves. One type of accommodation is Differential Reinforcement of the Other (DRO) which means that you make the behavior you’re trying to avoid not an option. For example,

Joined by Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, who also has ADHD, Isabelle and David explore their origin stories in the first recording of Something Shiny ever (from over 3 and a half years ago). Isabelle describes how she first became more familiar with ADHD through working with David and working with clients who had the diagnosis, turning to David for help. She would then come home and tell Bobby the tips and kept telling him he had ADHD, not like it was some bad thing, but like it would only help him to know. She started noticing how sessions with her clients with ADHD had a different feel to them, and she really enjoyed them (as well as sessions with her neurotypical clients, it just had a different speed). One day, after about a year of this more focused work, she was talking to a fellow clinician who was sharing her ADHD origin story with Isabelle. She described what it was like to go into a room to get a cup of coffee, only to clean the kitchen, only to pick up three things and forget what she was doing. Isabelle started shaking and realized it was just like her. She had a flash and thought “somebody else does that?” She came to David the next day and said, “I think I have it” and he said “I know. Welcome to the tribe!” And she cried and felt so welcome and love it. She wonders how she went so long without getting diagnosed. Her mom was called into a parent teacher conference when Isabelle was in preschool, thinking she would need ESL support (English is Isabelle’s second language, her parents are Polish immigrants), and the teacher’s feedback was that Isabelle would not stop talking. She would get this feedback throughout her schooling and recognized that she was always talking and distracting other kids, but she was really lucky to have teachers who would redirect her, give her extra work, let her read and hyper focus on what she wanted to do. She then wonders how she got through Harvard, and realized retrospectively that she was prescribed Wellbutrin, which is a medication that also helps with ADHD. After weaning herself off of it, she was running around to her friends describing that she thought she had ADHD, who dismissed it as withdrawal symptoms; she accepted this explanation at the time, though she could not longer focus and magically do her work, and then went all over the place the next couple of years. After landing a corporate gig, she was able to focus on pretty boring stuff, but she had undiagnosed hypothyroidism, and any time her meds would increase to bring her thyroid to a normal level, she would again notice ADHD symptoms increase dramatically. David and Isabelle clarify how the hypothyroidism, which would normally produce lethargy, was taking away Isabelle’s impulsivity and ADHD symptoms, working like a lead vest. When Isabelle started to suspect she had it, she came home and cried and Bobby thought she had cyberchondriac’d (see definition below) herself into a diagnosis, because he saw her as focused. He had just come to terms with his ADHD and couldn’t believe his wife had it, too, because she seemed so different to him. Then she suddenly appeared to have it, very obviously, seeming much more scattered and he wonders if its because she didn’t have to fake it anymore (see Masking definition below). Isabelle notes that her and Bobby are a very small sample size, so she only has to be more focused than him to appear focused. She resonated with David describing how you can self medicate with anxiety, she noticed that she did it all the time to leave the house and make transitions. This connected to how when she realized she had it, she unmasked and suddenly didn’t want to use anxiety to help her transition anymore, making it harder for her to do things like leave the house. David then shares how he has symbol recognition disorder in 5th grade, and it was never validated that he had ADHD and was labeled as lazy or like he wasn’t trying. The struggles in school got significantly worse as he got closer to high school, and the group all agrees that no one ever says that middle school was the BEST. David wasn’t testing well, he went to a really prestigious school with all the resources, and he was never diagnosed because he was deemed ‘too smart.’ However, freshman year, he got the label of having behavior disorder, which meant school got worse, really fast. He ditched school, got a ‘screw you’ attitude, playing Mortal Kombat with all the delinquents and got kicked out of high school. He was kicked out of school because of behavior problems and sent to an alternative school, still without an ADHD diagnosis, but he had a much better time in school. He got his homework done because all homework was done in class. In his previous school, he would go home, not do his homework, and then be too ashamed to go to class the next day; he thought he was an ‘idiot’ because he didn’t do his homework. Suddenly, when he has to do homework in school, he has no attendance problems, he graduated and went to Western

David describes his recent dream ADHD scenario: he was craving sweets (rare, for him) and went to 7-11 and got four different kinds of donuts, then had a bite of each one. He didn’t have to decide which one to get, he didn’t have to prioritize, he could just eat a bite of each one and then change his mind to cheese fries. Bobby describes similar dynamics, except with candy bars, and how he gets candy for Isabelle to justify what he did. Is it disordered eating or ADHD? Most of the time, Bobby doesn’t do this, thinking about how he feels after he does this. David is jealous of Bobby’s skill to think ahead to what it’ll be like afterwards: response cost - knowing the consequences of your actions. Isabelle shares being on a conference call that had such poor quality that she couldn’t concentrate to say what she didn’t want to do, and is proud that she didn’t shame spiral fully—noticed the shame spiral. ADHD is not a deficit of attention, it’s an overabundance (and variability) of attention. The click of the ceiling fan you can’t tune out and find yourself yelling to be heard over. Most folx with ADHD are overstimulated by uncomfortable stimulus, but it’s different for each person, for some it’s sound, or texture of food, etc. But neurotypical folx don’t think twice about advocating for themselves (eg. I can’t hear the conference call, can we redial? v. It’s my fault I didn’t hear). It is revealed that this is the first time that David, Isabelle, and Bobby were recording Something Shiny. Long term consequences and threat of a consequence do nothing for folx with ADHD. Bobby gets up to turn off the fridge and David points out that folx with ADHD will feel authorized to advocated for themselves when they have a feeling or sense of mastery or expertise for something. Bobby shares his origin story: being awarded a spokesman ship award when he was little (for talking a lot). He tried a friend’s Adderall in college and it was his most productive day, but he was so scared it was a drug and that he shouldn’t do it, and was wrapped up in the shame and stigma of it all that he didn’t do it again. After being diagnosed about two years ago, he finally tired meds, but not without first watching a documentary on Netflix about the dangers of ADHD meds (see below). He mentioned his five hour energy consumption and how calm he felt to his therapist, and his therapist said “we need to get you some medication.” Bobby and Isabelle see a scary documentary on ADHD meds, so Isabelle was scared of Bobby going on medications, and then he said “I’ve had my brain be a crowded room my whole life and you’re telling me that there’s something that can help and now you’re telling me I can’t have it?” David pauses to say: I don’t think people realize what it’s like to take medication and then be like—“what? People can read a book? People can just sit down and decide to not eat.” And how most people feel like they’re cheating, and it starts to reinforce the notion we are lazy and flawed. The predominant factor that stops people with ADHD is self-esteem issues, thinking “I can’t.” ADHD meds help you have a better assessment of how you did, not actually perform better. It increases your stimulation and you don’t have to self-stimulate. We don’t think about what kids needs, we give them medication three times a day no matter what they do. Why don’t we teach kids what they need the medicine for? The medication doesn’t make you work. More meds do not equal solving the problem. The medication is going to help you with whatever task you’re doing. Have some food, start your task, and then take the meds, and you can trigger the hyperfocus. Documentary on ADHD meds we reference: Take Your Pills (available on Netflix) DAVID’S DEFINITIONResponse Cost: a neurological skill that helps you know the consequences of your actions later on down the roadA note on medications: ADHD medications are very effective and also everyone gets to make their own choices about medications. For those of us folx on ADHD meds, we are often prescribed medication with zero education about how they work. Especially with kids, we don’t teach them what they need the medicine for. Medication can be used like a scalpel, where you know when to apply it; on their own, medication will not help you do your task…it will help you do whatever it is you were doing when you take the medication (eg. Playing video games, binge watching Squid Game, etc.). One idea is to take some food, start your task, then take the medication (as prescribed) to trigger hyperfocus. Please note that neither David nor Isabelle are prescribers and are talking about meds from the perspective of professionals who work with folx who have ADHD and also as folx who have ADHD. We will continue to expand upon and explore this topic in future episodes, so stay tuned!For full show notes, lecture slides, and more, check out our website!-----Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards—————

Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to continue to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians (for the 1st-4th parts of this talk, please see episode 4, All About ADHD Part I; episode 6, All About ADHD Part II; episode 9, All About ADHD Part III; episode 12, All About ADHD Part IV). Gabe wonders at how structure can be a win, and Isabelle gives an example of how instead of ruminating in the middle of the early morning, she came up with a structure that helps her get back to sleep (borrowed from Fred Rogers, thinking warmly of people she has met in life). AJ asks what a neurotypical partner can do when their partner with ADHD is struggling with a transition, and David answers: leave. He points out that anything that reduces a person’s dependency on their neurotypical partner and helps them not additionally feel embarrassed or shamed could be a wonderful intervention (such as eating cantaloupe calmly while waiting in the airport). Don’t ask the person who’s running around trying to find their coat to grab three more things in the house, they are likely to grab four things and none of them being what you asked for. When you depend on a relationship for your structure it generates aggression (e.g. “You always help me, where were you?!”) Like missing the sun when it doesn’t come up: you would freak out when the thing you need to get a task done is not there. AJ and Christina finish up their almost missing the plane story with the fact they actually did make it on the plane, and Christina was eating cantaloupe in the lounge waiting for AJ. David shows old data from 1998-2000, which applies to the childhood of adults with ADHD now. ADHD is one of the most high risk populations you can work with therapeutically—this often gets overlooked. Only 10% of people with ADHD will attend a college or university, less than 2% will complete their studies (and of these, 2.5% will go on to get their Masters degree or any higher education); 40% finish high school on time; 50% will abuse substances; 30% are in prison; 30% own their own business. The probability of you succeeding with ADHD in the 90’s was abysmally low, so if you did it, maybe go and buy a lottery ticket because you are that lucky! Then it’s time for Q and A. Gabe wonders about outsourcing what you’re not good at—but then you said that you don’t want to build dependency into an accommodation? David explains that it’s the difference between agency and control. You can control a situation but you can’t control another person’s agency—like you can control who comes to the party, but not how they act once they’re there. If you need someone’s help, you can’t control how they offer it or when. For example: I need help now! The answer: okay…why? You are starting to dictate how or when someone does something, you’re building dependency. Isabelle wonders if it’s about how you ask, in the heat of the moment v. planning ahead: and David points out it’s about having lots of sources to outsource to and lean on, your partner gets to pick what they help with. Knowing who would be a good lab partner or source of support, for example, becomes a good skill that folx with ADHD have, that they don’t recognize as a skill, being able to make diverse friends and allies quickly. An awareness of this skill helps demystify why it works sometimes and places and not in other times or places. Gabe asks: what are the actionable steps from getting all of this information? David notes that this will be covered in the next part of the lecture series, and that it’s actually important to get information first: the most important thing to realize is that there isn’t a lot to fix, there’s a lot to repair. Feeling better about who you are and that you’re not too much. And yes, the lecture series will continue with more actionable steps, too!Here is that study on shocks being more painful if you think you were shocked intentionally When building accommodations: take dependency on others out of the equation, because dependency builds aggression when the person you depend on is removed. (A quick note here on dependency in child and caregiver interactions: kids do and should depend on their parents or caregivers. And when they can't have consistency, get surprised or feel let down, our understanding of dependency helps us understand their rage and frustration. We’re going to spend more time on this in future episodes, but for now, one idea for outsourcing that still respects a child’s dependency on their caregivers is having your child use an alarm to wake up and having a visual timer they can use to help them have agency around time, instead of you being the clock and waking up your child (with no alarm)).For lecture slides, full show notes, and more, check out our website!-----Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards

Isabelle, David welcome Isabelle's husband, Bobby, and David’s friend and clinician, Noah (who also have ADHD) and all connect four weeks into the lockdown of 2020 to meet virtually and play online game to help beat the pandemic fears and the scared and cooped-up blues. We’re overstimulated with grief, shame, sorrow, anxiety, etc, and yet under stimulated with the lack of transitions, being cooped up in our house, seeing the same two rooms every day. David talks about missing novel chaos, and also, what game should they play? After spending a while playing some online games together, Isabelle talks about gaming as a coping strategy; game play as a way to cope. The opposite of play is not work, it’s depression, or neural death. A play state is new neural connections firing and wiring together (neurologically similar to learning, see below for more!). We’re often play-deprived anyway as adults. We’re in a place of a lot of pain and depression as a society; toxic positivity aside, people are experiencing a lot of loss, and we experience grief and depression when we have loss. When we’re in it for so long, it’s important to know how we get out—and play might not be a go-to or feel intuitive or easy—even David wanted to not play but talk about other things, like functioning in a society without clear rules or boundaries. But it meant a lot to David to try to play. Noah points out that we are missing human interaction, limited ability to be in the world, getting that social itch scratched in a safer way. Bobby had fun playing a game. Isabelle drops some knowledge about play: play as an impulse, like sleep, common to social mammals. It’s an impulse that can even be prioritized about other needs, such a food. Example of polar bear playing with huskies while starving and waiting to go into their hunting grounds (and then returning when not hungry) How we need play as neotenous (juvenile) brained creatures. Washing dishes could be play, even—if you’re in the flow state, not something you have to do, but maybe you hum on the way to the car. Really social, too. Recognizing that play is a hard subject for those of us who experienced neglect or other traumas that impacted whether or how we could play. Safety needs to be established for play to happen: play happens whether or not you believe you did in the past, but how you viewed your past as playful or play-deprived or whether you had enough safety.More on playStuart Brown, MD - Ted Talk that mentions consequences of play deprivationNational Institute for Play (co-founded by Stuart Brown)To check out more about play and learn more about the polar bear story, check out his book (co-written with Christopher Vaughan): Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the SoulHusky playing with polar bear story (Real Wild documentary) — please note, initially the polar bears were hungry, and then they would return every year and keep playing even when not (for the full story, see above book)ISABELLE’S DEFINITIONS Play: an impulse and a human right, according to the UN. Borrowing from Stuart Brown’s definition, includes a purposeless, a continuity desire (want to keep doing it) and is often a simulation where you can take risks with no consequences (or limited consequences, like animals play fighting, they’re not going to bite down as hard). Play can be daydreaming, writing, art-making, watching a movie, doing dishes, humming a song. On a neurological level, play in the same as learning (a neural state where neural connections are being wired), which is the opposite of the brain state of depression (or neural slow-down or death). Flow state: A term coined by Hungarian-American psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, it’s a state of being or performance where you are in the zone: fully absorbed or engaged in your task, you lose a sense of time and self (you get lost in it, your worries or self-consciousness melts away).For more on flow, check out Csikszentmihalyi’s seminal book: Flow: The Psychology of Optimal ExperienceFor a cool article on how flow may work in the brain: The Neuroscience of the Flow State: Involvement of the Locus Coeruleus Norepinephrine System-----visit somethingshinypodcast.com for full show notes, links, and more!-----Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards

Just in time for the mounting stress at the end of the year, here’s an ADHD-friendly gift guide! David and Isabelle have ideas, accommodations, and acceptance around giving and receiving with neurodivergent folx. How hard it is to buy things for folx who impulsively purchase all (cheaper) things for themselves? How to tackle the mystery of huge shopping carts and no good memory if you bought the thing after all, or not? What to get your brilliant neurodivergent child (psss…it’s the experience, not the shiny thing!)? And MORE!-----David and Isabelle record this ADHD gift giving holiday special live (a few days out!), reviewing the challenges and tips for gift giving and receiving as folx with ADHD. Aside from discussing how Isabelle has a cold and David thinks they could be like Voltron, David describes how he only buys things he can touch or get a use out of: dopamine will make you think something that looks shiny and cool (like a skin in a video game) is the thing to buy, but then the rush fades and your left without something useful. Dopamine releases around the potential of awesomeness, not actually the awesomeness. Think about how quickly something Isabelle gets hooked into having loaded shopping carts at various websites, especially around gift giving—she’ll spend two hours hyper focusing on what to get and getting it, but when it comes time to buying something, she freezes and forgets to buy it and then doesn’t remember if she bought it or not. David points out this is the inattentive part: the difficulty of making the choice. You also then log a memory of the check out screen (but not if you actually bought the thing or not). The shopping cart loading is externalizing your memory, using an accommodation to assist with working memory as you find things that might be potential gifts for people. David makes a point around buying something with a use case, even more so than quality of experience: can you specifically use it for something? Does it do something other than just sit there? Sometimes we don’t want to use something up (like candles) because it feels too precious to use them. David names that he gets overwhelmed with too much stuff: he wants it all, but he doesn’t want it all. For example, at a birthday when he got all five video games he wanted, when we get all that we want, all at once, we don’t actually want it all. Give him five video games, but give him one each throughout several months. What if you could rotate toys (Isabelle calls this toy store with her kids) and wishes she could do this with herself. They hit upon that subscription boxes as a cool solution. David names as that someone who is impulsive, there is nothing he wants under $20 he hasn’t bought for himself. If you’re debating getting the expensive thing but caught with decision paralysis, average out how much the thing costs per use (for example, a coffee machine ends up being $1 per cup of coffee for a whole year) and then decide if it’s worth the 5% boost in your day. David names finding the win for yourself: finding the win/lose condition and setting yourself up for a win. That includes receiving gifts: make it simple for your gift givers! You like bunnies? Get bunnies. Set up your givers for a win. Isabelle describes loving to browse a store, but hating to have to make a buying decision, while David thinks of the gift that someone would be embarrassed to buy for themselves but could not reject (without it being silly, such as a 15 lb. Bag of gummy bears). Both inattentive and impulsive types of ADHD lead to self-doubt, but it’s how many times we touch that doubt: for inattentive type, it’s a lot before buying something. For impulsive type, it’s huge the moment you hand the gift over and wonder if you haven’t made a mistake. Isabelle ponders a giant sized Toblerone, David recalls how disconcerting holding a huge gummy bear actually was. For kids, consider the experience of going to the store and getting to impulsively choose the thing they want for themselves. Preserve the magic of the buy: the parent/guardian/gift giver has zero interest in how great the gift is: if they have buyer’s remorse, that’s learning, it’s important, not a failed gift. David and Isabelle reflect on the podcast so far. Why we are doing this podcast: we want to remove the paywall to good information, we want everyone to feel seen, and we want everyone to feel that their difference is not a deficiency. That it’s okay to talk about this and not be ashamed and that everyone’s experience of ADHD is different. There is no one way to ADHD: it’s the opposite of Highlander. Isabelle and David are both grateful to each other and to all of you incredible listeners. So much more of the podcast to come!What is Voltron? I mean, the logo alone… Quick visual searches (not endorsing any particular brand, just for reference):Giant Gummy BearGiant Toblerone DAVID’S DEFINITIONS Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), where you interpret feedback or questions or redirect

Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to continue to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians (for the first, second, and third parts of this talk, please see episode 4, All About ADHD Part I; episode 6, All About ADHD Part II; episode 9, All About ADHD Part III). David describes how deep self esteem injuries go for folx with ADHD. That and a lack of response cost (see definition below) and how frequently you fail—means that folx with ADHD will jump on a grenade to save someone they care about. There is a sacrifice aspect — “It’s my fault.” Self esteem is so injured that people don’t even realize it’s injured: you think you’re wrong asking for an accommodation, regardless-it’s your fault. One example is when Isabelle was on a conference call where she couldn’t hear what anybody else was saying, she didn’t speak up the whole time, thinking it was her fault. But if a friend were to say “hey, I’m having trouble hearing you,” she would stand up for them in that meeting, no problem. As soon as people find an accommodation or medication or something that helps them: they feel like they’re cheating (“I should be able to do this without that thing!”). David judged himself for needing medication to read a book, but he also wears glasses to see—yet he judges the accommodations only he needs for ADHD, rather than the accommodations everyone (neurotypical and not) uses. ADHD best marked by an increase in stimulation, using emotions like anger, excitement, sexual arousal, and fear-the emotions you will use to stimulate yourself in the absence of medication. When people ruminate at night after not using up your energy, its stimulating with emotions. These are neurological habits, they are hard to notice and even harder to interrupt without finding something else to stimulate yourself with. So, make your externals go as fast as your internals: fueled up by anger, go for a run, go move. Therapy will often be biased toward calming, cleansing breaths, grounding activities, etc. David talks about Wim Hof breathing techniques (or other energizing breathing techniques-see below for more). Another intervention is jumping up and down and allowing your feet to land hard on the ground (which creates joint compression). What does it feel like to not fit in and not be normalized by your peers: either you have to make choices to fit in or stick with who you are and be ostracized, which happens to a lot of folx with ADHD. There is a +/- 3-5 year maturation delay with ADHD—which means a ten year old can act like a 13 year old or a 7 year old, depending on the environment they’re in. The big way this impacts self esteem. People with ADHD can take more hits than most people, but feel the hits differently than most people, and that doesn’t get validated. Could be as an accommodation you need a lot of structure—but also not. Folx with ADHD can do well in school, but then flounder when the structure/accomodations change and they hit big life transitions (like leaving school, starting work, starting major relationships/coupling up, starting a family). Adult onset ADHD does not happen: it’s about how your environment has changed and your accommodations have changed. It’s not just major life transitions, it’s all transitions, that are hard and handled differently. Don’t know what to do, forget things, get angry/anxious/self-stimulate (same with getting married, having kids, etc.). Things get lost in transition. The second you don’t remember that, is the second you blame yourself for it (instead of realizing that without structure, transitions are hard). How do you want to restructure your life: that’s the accommodation. It’s not just typical therapy; “that sounds awful,” it’s “that sounds awful, what are you going to do with your time?” Some people with ADHD will avoid transitions because the entire time you are transition can make you uncomfortable. If you’re on time, if you’re not running late, if you have all your stuff, etc. it will be more uncomfortable (absent structure because you haven’t gotten your needed dopamine to manage all that change). Typical scenario: one parent with ADHD screaming the whole way getting the whole family out of the house and then you get to the place and suddenly all is well. As Bobby mentions, when he does set up a structure, and it works, it sets up a win/lose condition so that when he does it well without the stress, he feels like he’s winning. The parent (or person) is screaming: they’re the ones who need the accommodation. If you outsource the structure (another cue, another person, a written note, something). It’s not a control issue: it feels good to set up a win/lose. People with ADHD will think they’re are “controlling” but actually it’s giving yourself something to do, which helps, and creates structure. Giving yourself something to do helps. Wim Hof: Also known as the

Transitions and choices are hard. Isabelle and David are joined by Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and David’s friend and fellow clinician, Noah, both of whom also have ADHD to talk about different types of ADHD. We don’t remember all the stuff we have to do to leave the house. Isabelle describes a detailed whiteboard and just how long it took to get into the habit of not forgetting things like lip balm. David puts everything into his bag at night. Isabelle has to do a one-touch rule. Noah’s and Bobby’s work bag are empty. Bobby’s really into minimizing things, which David points out is a wonderful intervention, especially for inattentive type— decision fatigue. Noah does this for going out, always ordering a blackened chicken sandwich. How exhausting it is to make decisions all the time. Noah’s experience in a blind restaurant. Bobby’s picky eating is connected to something ADHD-related—hypersensitivity around texture. David’s experience of this is big after decades of vegetarianism, experiencing the texture of meat for the first time (bacon and hot dogs are great. Other meat for him? Not so much). Isabelle references the Paradox of Choice book (TLDR) and describes the phenomena of randomly remembering facts she’s read, but struggling to remember what she read on command. Recognizing that when there is an overabundance of choice, we think we made the wrong one (or are left more disatisfied) because we always think we could’ve picked better. This relates to Isabelle’s reaction to Tinder as something that makes her nauseous thinking about it: too many choices. Same with old school diner menus. Or Cheesecake Factory menus. David agrees. Isabelle describes novelty seeking with food, whereas Bobby wants the same thing. David went to Superdawg and got everything on the menu he wanted because he couldn’t make a decision. Noah would go there, deliberate what to get for 20 minutes, and leave with nothing. Why do we all sound so different and yet similar? We’re talking about the distinctions between inattentive and impulsive ADHD types. What about combined type? Depends on the mastery of the environment: the more mastery, the more impulsive we can be, the less mastery, the more inattentive.What is Superdawg? If you’re in and around Chicago, you’re welcome to check it out. If you’re not, it’s still a fun place to look into. From the bottom of our pure beefy hearts. Paradox of Choice - book by Barry Schwartz (TLDR for Isabelle but an interesting summary appears on wikipedia). DEFINITIONSADHD types explained through how we order at a restaurant:inattentive type: struggles to figure out what to order, stares at menu (accommodations: always orders the same thing or same type of thing, asking the server for their choice/having the chef or someone else choose for you)impulsive type: orders three different entrees (to try them all), or the novel/strange seeming thing on the menu (accommodations: finding new places to eat or food bars where you can throw on whatever you want in that moment)combination type: see above and experience BOTH, often depending on your level of mastery/comfort (more mastery in the environment, the more your impulsivity shows up). Decision fatigue: the more decisions we make, the more our quality of decisions (or ability to do so well) deteriorates. Too many decisions can lead to an overwhelming feeling, burnout and poor decisions. Avoiding the complexity of decisions, can be an adaptive tool for individuals to preserve brain power for more important decisions, especially when the inattentive-type ADHD experience is loud. Here's an article on how to notice when it's happening to you.Hypersensitivity around texture: some textures are going to make people feel more yucky inside than you would think they could. Often times it can be really helpful to honor these sensitivities, and not try to push through them unless there's serious impact on food and nutrition.Here's a quick article on how to cope with hypersensitivities to sound, texture, taste, smell, etc. -----Cover Art by: Sol VázquezTechnical Support by: Bobby Richards

For our younger ears: there is a swear in the last minute of the episode. Be warned. Ever wonder if it’d be easier to be partnered with someone who also has ADHD (or, someone who is neurotypical)? How can you coexist no matter what the combo platter of neurodivergence? Robin, David’s neurotypical partner, and Bobby, Isabelle’s neurodivergent partner, join a relationship round table filled with practical tips on how neurotypical and neurodivergent partners can better support, communicate, and respond in key moments with one another. ---ADHD is often scapegoated within relationships. David & Isabelle are joined by David’s partner, Robin, who is neurotypical, and Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, who also has ADHD. David describes his friendship with Noah, who also has ADHD, and how the two of them have different and complementary needs and accommodation styles (for example, Noah likes structure and being on time, David is more accommodated by not wanting to let Noah down). How relationships could look when people are aware of what they are good at, not so good at, and that they need to work differently. This is similar to how when Bobby and Isabelle were first diagnosed, they had very different ways of experiencing ADHD and their sample size (“but wait, Isabelle’s more organized, she can’t have ADHD!”) impacted their understanding of it. David and Robin describe how Robin gives David a part of a shelf—a place where he could freely be messy and do his thing. Like spots that she, as his neurotypical partner, does not try to manage. The group goes on a tangent about cockroaches running up legs and spiders in your mouth while you sleep (see below). David also observes that Robin does not ask him to do a lot of things so when she does ask him, it feels novel and he received instant gratification for doing the task, so he’s more likely to do it (and eager to please the person he loves). This also connects to how Robin asks him to sweep or clean up crumbs (more thoroughly). Isabelle notes Robin’s warmth—and recognizes that Isabelle and Bobby both aren’t as warm to each other around this feedback. Robin points out that Isabelle (having ADHD) may not see the feedback as it goes, and instead notices the feedback when she’s already overwhelmed. Isabelle and Bobby note what they call a Great America moment (see below) and notes how she was able to observe Bobby circling around distracted, like a shark, and that she was able to see he needed a different environment to complete his tasks and was able to choose to go to Great America anyway (for herself): in short, she didn’t have to jump into the shark circling herself. David points out that children (which he does not have) are like the loveliest hedonist parrots (which Isabelle and Bobby add: are also the best thing ever). David also talks about mirror neurons and how people with ADHD can have much more active empathic responses, where they can really sync up to the moods/emotions of the people around them. As Bobby is circling like a shark, Isabelle’s mirror neurons are activated and she is syncing up, but Isabelle does not need the same level of intensity. How to know when you don’t need that level of intensity, knowing when you can’t think your way out of that circle (AKA Great American moment). Also important and hard to notice when you’ve self-stimulated yourself into some intense emotion but then your next task doesn’t need it. Hard to see yourself clearly in these escalated moments and how a partner can see you more clearly sometimes and help reflect back boundaries or what you need. And so when Isabelle syncs up to Bobby, she’s trying to soothe them both, instead of paying attention to taking a break and NOT syncing up, which will help them both. Bobby notes that podcast recording sessions helps everyone. Robin also names times when she and David need to ask for what they need to sync up (or not sync up). David will call and give her a heads up telling her he’s ‘coming in hot’ from his commute/work time, when she’s on the couch horizontal watching the Office or Park and Rec—how they try to meet them halfway. How both David and Isabelle forget their age all the time. For more show notes, go to somethingshinypodcast.comWhy is the cockroach named Rick? For no reason, except David and Robin like alliteration. Isabelle mentions a sacred pact between humans and bugs? Well, it’s an ancient truce predicated on the idea that if a bug is around, that’s fine, we’re on their turf, really, but if a bug is on your body without you electing to have said bug on your body, or the bug is on your bed or perhaps in the bath/shower with you, you will use whatever means necessary to remove said bug from said body/bath/shower/bed. What is the Great America moment? Let’s say a group of people all want to go to an amazing thrill-ride packed amusement park (like Great America, a Six Flags park in scenic Gurnee, IL), but they’re waiting on one person to finish their work before they go. Inste

Everything you ever wanted to know about ADHD...continues! WOOHOO! Go back and check out Parts I & III, or start here to learn more about dopamine, how to differentiate someone with ADHD v. someone who is neurotypical, why folx with ADHD run late, and what the impacts are on school (sadly, so far, not great) when someone is labeled with ADHD and receives accommodations. The things that are easy, hard, and all the myths and misperceptions that exist about what is really not a deficit, but rather an abundance and variety of, attention. The third part of a series from David, who has lectured as an expert and advocate on this subject nationally, and assisted by Isabelle, who is eagerly sponging up the information. A neurodivergent and neurotypical blend of friends Christina, AJ, Gabe, and Isabelle's husband, Bobby, sit in to ask questions. (Part III of David’s Lecture Series)-----Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to continue to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians (for the first and second parts of this talk, please see episode 4, All About ADHD Part I and episode 6, All About ADHD Part II). David talks about procrastination, and why it raises the stakes, thus generating more dopamine (the chemical in our brain that gives us a feeling of reward or satisfaction), which folx with ADHD are deficient in. He relates this to the idea that winning, or a win/lose condition, as something that generates dopamine: if we leave for somewhere that is 10 minutes away with 9 minutes to go, if we get there in time, we feel like we beat the clock (won). Also, as we run late to something, for example, we raise the stakes and leave so that we will run late—thus, giving us dopamine—but we’re often miserable and blaming ourselves the whole time. Miserable, and loaded with dopamine: reinforcing the behavior that we are also blaming/shaming ourselves for. How struggles with time management (guessing how long something will take or how all the pieces will fit together) make transitions and running late even harder, and how it is important for neurotypical partners and folx to know it is not done on purpose. How to differentiate (or diagnose) someone with ADHD when a lot of symptoms of ADHD also occur in neurotypical folx (like procrastination? Enjoying sex?). Most psychological diagnoses are connected to things many people experience (such as anxiety); and most humans will struggle with executive functioning skills, but all folx with ADHD will struggle with these skills (see below for a list of skills!). Furthermore, when we get into how people recognize and learn from mistakes, that’s when you see ADHD: a person with ADHD will make these mistakes a lot more often and also carry a lot more shame and self-blame for doing them because of just how often they make them. Neuropsych (short for neuropsychological testing) can help find an ADHD diagnosis but can also miss it. For example, audience member AJ names going to go to the store and seeing the coupons, but skipping the step of putting them in your pocket (ADHD)—and a pattern of this experience, over and over again (plus the “Why did I do this AGAIN!” feeling). David’s use of the Yoda voice “There is no later, only now!” Talking about the shame spiral of the pattern of this happening over and over again. Major consequences of growing up with ADHD - social and school. Folx with ADHD, if they are diagnosed as having it impact their learning (remember: ADHD is not necessarily a learning disability, it must be shown to be impacting learning), they are often tracked with lower level classes and are given accommodations to suit lower IQ students (make things easier). Dilemma there is most people with ADHD have above average IQ: with this setup, they are under stimulated in school, and also isolated and marginalized, systemically. Sharing different school experiences, from being in gifted programs to transitional programs, to having LD labels: and the validation of folx with ADHD often disliking school (especially when they receive accommodations). Seen as if you’re doing it on purpose. Especially kicks in around ages 9-10, when peers start normalizing your world v. Your family. Talking about kids will naturally accommodate themselves in school (figure out bare minimum grade, skip homework but do well on a test, for example)—but when they do this, for example, not doing homework, can be read as personal (by the teacher) or avoid the consequences.Dopamine deficiency? ADHD is often understood as neurobiological (brain) difference, that includes lower levels of dopamine, the neurotransmitter (messenger chemical) in our brain that gives us feelings of satisfaction and reward—the feeling of YOU DID IT…ahhhhhhh. Another way of viewing it is a neurotypical person has a shot-glass-sized need for dopamine and so little bits of dopamine fill it up enough to

How do we separate a task from our emotions about it? Especially when it comes to our own battles with procrastination? Isabelle is struggling with this and Bobby, her husband, is curious to hear more. David breaks it down like this: let’s say the task is running 5 miles in 60 minutes, which sounds very hard to Bobby. Does it matter what you’re wearing? What time of day you go? If it’s raining or not? There’s lots of things we can get caught up in the ‘emotionality’: I don’t have the right clothes, I don’t like the weather, etc. The emotionality is the stuff that we get caught up in that doesn’t matter. Our view of how it needs to be done that gets in the way. Can you walk while watching a video, for example. Isabelle tries to break a sweat once a day. But it only counts if she goes to the exercise class she signed up for. Bobby asks: why does a brain with ADHD is likely to procrastinate in the first place and then why do we discount doing it differently? ADHD individual needs a specific amount of stimulation to do a task; not enough or too much, they need to self-medicate. The emotions we use to self-medicate include anger, anxiety or excitement, etc. Medication can give you the stimulation without the anger, anxiety, or excitement. We procrastinate because it boosts the stakes, gives us a threat, so every moment of working on the task is alleviating the stress so there’s no delay in gratification, we’re instantly rewarded (yay dopamine!) for working on it. If you had worked on it two weeks earlier, you wouldn’t feel any different because there was no stress/threat you were relieving, you wouldn’t get that feeling of reward. So let’s teach people how to procrastinate better, rather than trying to undo it. What if you knew you weren’t going to work on the report until Saturday—what could you prep for Saturday, instead of beating yourself up for not working on it until then, if that’s the sweet spot of stress/crunch time for you? Your brain needs to experience that threat to feel that relief. A person with ADHD can be an angry, anxious, etc. — I’m going to be a monster when I’m focusing on this, so what can we do to ask for what we need? Is it easier to find a quiet place to be a monster or not become a monster (let’s say you get angry when you work yourself up to focus on something)? Bobby and Isabelle share that they would set each other off and both need accommodations in their relationships, but realizing that the meta-awareness of knowing it connects to ADHD and what they need has helped them navigate situations and help get out of each other’s way rather than asking that person to magically change. David points out that we’re normalizing that folx with ADHD can all become monsters in this sense and that not all monsters are bad—you could be angry/anxious to the max and find ways to create room for that that minimize the hurt and ill effects on those around you. There’s lots of relational trauma for people with ADHD and other forms of learning differences. You see everyone sit down and do something one way and you do it differently, your brain tells you it’s because you’re stupid/not following the rules/not doing it right, etc. Right around between ages 7-11, kids' peers normalize their world rather than their parents. For example, how are relaxation and self care portrayed? As wine and spa time—what if you don’t like wine and baths/spas (for example, like Isabelle). David makes the point that everyone else is doing it right, we’re just not taking in the input right. Maybe no more boring baths. Something needs to move. What we can do with the optical illusion of snow falling or a shower rain falling. The ADHD brain is meant and designed to procrastinate, but people with ADHD are made to believe their thoughts are naturally wrong. Healing comes from acknowledging this. Does cranberry juice prevent UTI’s? Yes (and no). Side note, one thing Isabelle learned on this internet rabbit hole about cranberry juice and UTI’s was this: “Cranberry is a term derived from the contraction of “crane berry.” This name is derived from the nickname of the bilberry flower, which, when it withers, is similar in appearance to the head and neck of the sand crane, a bird that often feeds on the berries of this plant.” Who knew? For the full fascinating scientific article about cranberries and UTIs, click here.DAVID’S DEFINITIONSTask: what you’re trying to do - the ‘work’ of a group or a person. for example: I am finishing my project this weekend.Emotionality: what you do to prepare to do a task - beliefs/fears/assumptions about what you’re doing for example: I’m doing it wrong/right, I always procrastinate, big fear you’ll never get it done, dream that someone will come and save you from having to do it, etc. PROCRASTINATION: this is the behavior that occurs in between the assignment of a task, and working on the task. This is waiting to the last minute, or what we do when we don't want to start work. Why do folx with ADHD proc

What if there is no one right way to do something? Isabelle and David are joined by Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, who also has ADHD, in this discussion on why we care how we do a thing. The idea there isn’t a right way is a hard for Isabelle to take in, especially as David describes that how we feel when we feel like we have to be perfect on the outside to hide the fact that we feel so different/deficient on the inside (AKA Imposter Syndrome). For folx with ADHD, this can look like our habits and the way we approach tasks ‘appearing’ neurotypical. 1 in 8 or 2 out of 10 people have a learning disability or ADHD in the U.S. right now (Updated stat: One out of every five people in the United States is identified as having a learning or attention issue. “The State of Learning Disabilities” 2017. National Center for Learning Disabilities). Is the task of a test to take the test in one go, or to do it in 20 minutes? Are we being tested on information or on the speed (for example, accommodations for more time on tests, for example). David would write a 3 hour talk on a plane ride in less than 2 hours and would never share this because, even if the talk was great, he would be judged for how he got the talk done—he thought he didn’t work on it “long enough.” Isabelle resonates with this, an accommodation for her working memory is to do a task right away, but then sends it much later so it appears like she spent more time on it. Doing work how everyone else does it to not seem different, deficient, or to appear as if it was too easy or you cheated somehow. If it’s easy for the ADHD person, they think it’s easy for everyone; if it’s hard for the ADHD person, they believe it’s easy for everyone. What if you did something for a job that was easy? Would you rather do something you enjoy or do something that’s hard? Bobby reclaims that reading a book includes listening to a book. He’s listening to a self-help type book—you think it’s the procrastination that’s the problem, but the problem is you judging yourself for not doing it. David talks about Wilfred Bion (see below) and whether a group was working on a task or catering to the group’s emotionality—what’s the task of every group? David and Isabelle go down a rabbit hole about group dynamics and where some of the theory comes from around the idea of focusing on task v. emotionality. What matters for ADHD is that we can do the task v. our emotional baggage around proving how we did the thing. Embracing how you work instead of judging it. For example, David knows his body doesn’t respond to meditation by breathing and sitting; he goes on endless walks instead. But if he were to let his beliefs/fears about how he’s supposed to do it impact him, he wouldn’t get the benefit of it. It’s about letting people do things their way instead of the ‘one way.’Here’s a link to how common ADHD and LD’s are in the U.S. as well as the racial differences (racism loud and clear)Bobby’s book he was reading on business - Bobby thinks it was Cal Newport’s book, Digital Minimalism.DAVID'S DEFINITIONSIMPOSTER SYNDROME: is the belief you don't belong/are bad, or that you have to be perfect on the outside along with the fear you will be found out/exposed and people will know you're a mess on the inside.TASK V. EMOTIONALITYTask: what you’re trying to do - the ‘work’ of a group or a person. for example: I am finishing my project this weekend.Emotionality: what you do to prepare to do a task - beliefs/fears/assumptions about what you’re doing for example: I’m doing it wrong/right, I always procrastinate, big fear you’ll never get it done, dream that someone will come and save you from having to do it, etc. OTHER FUN STUFFWilfred Bion (1897-1979) was a British psychoanalyst who ran group therapy during World War II out of a military hospital (so folx with trauma). He was among the pioneers of ways of running a therapy group, writing about it, and co-creating the Tavistock Institute for studying group relations with other wartime psychologists. The term “Tavistock" later became synonymous with a form of studying group dynamics experientially also known as group relations work. It was basically a way to try to understand how people function in a group. For more, check out this wiki and this article. Want to go down a bigger rabbit hole about group relations (a theory of group dynamics)? Check out the following (or read Bion’s work, Experiences in Groups, London: Tavistock, 1961; or an updated compilation from 1968).Basic assumption groups: Bion observed that there are recurring emotional states in groups (so among a group of people, certain patterns of emotional experiences happen again and again and interfere with whatever task the group has come together to accomplish)—the idea being that the emotional experience is called a ‘basic assumption’ group. “Bion argues that in every group, two groups are actually present: the work group, and the basic assumption group. The work group is that aspect of group

Everything you ever wanted to know about ADHD...continues! WOOHOO! Go back and check out Part I, or start here to learn more about what's happening in the brain, how to use environments to cue ourselves, how debate and manufactured fights can be ways to help you focus, and more! The things that are easy, hard, and all the myths and misperceptions that exist about what is really not a deficit, but rather an abundance and variety of, attention. The second part in a series from David, who has lectured as an expert and advocate on this subject nationally, and assisted by Isabelle, who is eagerly sponging up the information. A neurodivergent and neurotypical blend of friends Christina, AJ, Gabe, and Isabelle's husband, Bobby, sit in to ask questions. (Part II of David’s Lecture Series)---(Part II of David’s Lecture Series) Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to continue to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians (for the first part of this talk, please see episode 4, David’s Lecture: All About ADHD!). We talk about Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) which often also exists alongside ADHD; however, they are two different things. ADHD can make you more prone to distraction when you hear sounds, no APD (see definition below). ADHD can also coexist with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). David gets nerdy about how blood flow to certain parts of our brain connects to distraction, and how our environment can also cue us to shift blood flow to the forebrain (prefrontal cortex). Gabe notes that sports served as an important accommodation. David makes the comparison that it’s like having an energy bar in a video game, and if you don’t use it during your day, it will become anxious rumination at night. David and Bobby get distracted by Bobby’s audio equipment (or Bobby tweaking his audio settings) and David points out that being oppositional rewards us with dopamine. Debate as a dopamine booster. As a parent, how do you get out of power struggles. Talking about ADHD as too much gas (hyperactive) and too much brakes (inattentive); combined type is both, and environmentally cued (the more comfortable you are, the more gas; the less comfortable you are, the more brakes). What about ADHD on vacation? We can get more irritable or more chill, and it can be because we have uprooted our accommodations: the structure we have in place at home that helps us get along. So we can start to manufacture structure (including undertaking vacation-only projects, getting into a predictable arguments, reading a book in a day, etc.). When we understand how ADHD impacts us (for example, starting to write a book on vacation to cleverly avoid interactions we don’t want to have, plus building in structure…but not finishing because we didn’t factor in the response cost of it) we can work with it.Click here for slides from David’s lecture.How genetically loaded is ADHD?Pretty loaded. For more on this, check out this article in Nature (prepare for science!)On a related note, this article also points to ADHD being more of a spectrum than previously thought; as the article mentions:"Accumulating evidence from family, twin, and molecular genetic studies suggests that the disorder we know as ADHD is the extreme of a dimensional trait in the population. The dimensional nature of ADHD has wide-ranging implications. If we view ADHD as analogous to cholesterol levels, then diagnostic approaches should focus on defining the full continuum of “ADHD-traits” along with clinically meaningful thresholds for defining who does and does not need treatment and who has clinically subthreshold traits that call for careful monitoring. The dimensional nature of ADHD should also shift the debate about the increases in ADHD’s prevalence in recent years. Instead of assuming that misdiagnoses are the main explanation for the increased prevalence, perhaps researchers should explore to what extent the threshold for diagnosis has decreased over time and whether changes in the threshold are clinically sensible or not.”In other words, ADHD is part of a set of traits that live along a spectrum, and since we tend to diagnose ADHD when those traits/behaviors/experiences are read as a problem, we lump it into it’s own bag, when really it might turn out to be a neurodivergent branch of the same tree. And so those with ADHD can exist all along a spectrum, too! Hence: calling it attentional variability rather than a deficit.DAVID’S DEFINITIONS:Auditory Processing Disorder (APD): a hearing disorder and has to do with how the brain processes auditory information. APD can impact attention as well, but it’s not ADHD. Note: ADHD can make it harder to hear certain sounds, for example a person’s voice in a noisy setting, but the mechanism behind why it’s hard is different than APD. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs): a group of developmental differences (AKA neuro

Please note, for our younger listeners: there are some swears in this. Brace yourselves.Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and David’s childhood friend, Ashley, who both also have ADHD. Isabelle describes how feeling singled out due to her academic strengths led to her being bullied. She recognizes now that a lot of the things that were what she was picked on relate to her ADHD, like talking impulsively (and a lot), not picking up on certain social cues, feeling a few steps behind people socially. Ashley relates to this and names that girls 12-20 can be especially cruel. David felt that Isabelle presented as a super cool person. Also, David is a super cool person: he has tattoos, facial hair, and knows about psychology. Bobby just checks one of these boxes. The four take turns offering advice to their younger selves (following Back to the Future time travel rules). Ashley recommends learning math (sarcastically). Isabelle names that the things that make you shine are often the things people get picked on and kids aren’t ready for. David says it’s going to be hard and you have to practice tolerating frustration (he wouldn’t want to be told it’ll work out because then he’d stop trying). Bobby shares he would say to care less what people think and know what you’re worrying about now won’t matter. And David names that when it’s hard that is not the place to stop, it’s the place to keep going.How Time Travel in Fiction Works: Not the spider article (someday...I will find it!) but a link to a Mental Floss article that also shows the Minute Physics video — it has a lot of cool diagrams explaining how time travel works in various fictional books and movies. You’re welcome for your new internet rabbit hole.DAVID’S DEFINITIONS:Frustration Tolerance - this is directly related to how much BS/or annoyance we can take for any given situation. The way we build it is by practicing tolerating the BS/annoyance. One of the more basic examples of this, would be getting used to being in the car for long drives by taking long drives in the car. Yes, even the idea of building a tolerance to frustration can require building your frustration tolerance. -------cover art by: Sol Vázquez

Everything you ever wanted to know about ADHD. Seriously. From what's happening in the brain, to how it's experienced day to day--the things that are easy, hard, and all the myths and misperceptions that exist about what is really not a deficit, but rather an abundance and variety of, attention. The first part in a series from David, who has lectured as an expert and advocate on this subject nationally, and assisted by Isabelle, who is eagerly sponging up the information. A neurodivergent and neurotypical blend of friends Christina, AJ, Gabe, and Isabelle's husband, Bobby, sit in to ask questions. (Part I of David's All About ADHD Lecture Series) -----Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and their friends, Christina, AJ, and Gabe, to listen and learn from David’s tried and tested presentation on ADHD, which he normally gives to fellow clinicians. ADD and ADHD are the same thing. ADHD is not a learning disability, it’s a brain difference. People with ADHD don’t automatically qualify for accommodations in schools, need to prove they are struggling hard enough. ADHD is all about the forebrain—the roses of our brain—everything that makes you, you, and makes you unique. Blood tends to flow into the forebrain when you are making decisions. For people with ADHD (see below!), being directed to do something is not doing it. You can look at a red dot, for example, just under different environmental contexts. It’s not a deficit of attention, it’s variability of attention. As you’re demanding more focus, you lose the ability to focus, unless there’s a crisis. The root word for patience is suffering. But someone with ADHD experiences much more distress (physiologically) when they are understimulated. Boredom/waiting without structure is the worst. Response cost (see definition below) makes it hard for us to know when we’re doing something that has a consequence further on down the road. The act of debating gives you dopamine. Dopamine deficiency? See more about dopamine deficiency below. Do you ever hear someone get angry when they look away from the screen (WHAT?!) It’s because they’re being starved from dopamine when you’re already starving. What elicits hyperfocus instead of distraction? The environment: safety, comfort, consistency, the person’s experience/mastery. With ADHD, they need greater levels of stimulation (hyperactive type) or structure (inattentive type) to attend? Again, ADHD is best not thought about as a deficit of attention: attention variability. We have an overabundance of attention. A neurotypical person can attend to whatever in whatever environment, and if they can’t, much easier for them to identify and advocate for what’s interfering with that (for example, “I can’t hear you, the fridge is making a weird noise!”) Whereas for someone with ADHD, it connects to self-esteem, much more difficult to ask for what you need because it makes you think you’re different or deficient or you missed the thing that’s interfering to begin with. It’s the ability to have self-esteem to advocate for the learning environment. We start to touch on ADHD and its link to Auditory Processing Disorder. To see some of David's slides from this presentation, click here (or visit somethingshinypodcast.com)ADHD types explained through how we buy a printer we need:inattentive type: struggles to buy the printer, doesn’t take into account the cost of a lack of a printer, buys one six months laterimpulsive type: buys two printers, means to put the other one up for sale, forgets to, sits in a corner for six monthscombination type: see above and experience BOTH, often depending on your level of mastery/comfort (more impulsive). Oh, it’s fun.Forebrain skills that are harder for folks with ADHD (no matter the type): Response Cost: neurological skill that helps you know the consequences of your actions later on down the road Delay of Gratification - receiving the reward or win, well after the behavior occurs.Black and White Thinking - believing or acting as if there are only two ways of thinking right or wrong. Black and white thinking makes it harder to see middle paths during an argumentTime and Organization Skills - knowing how long tasks will take, planning transition times into tasks, appropriately guessing how long something will take, or all parts of time and organizational skills.Dopamine deficiency? ADHD is often understood as neurobiological (brain) difference, that includes lower levels of dopamine, the neurotransmitter (messenger chemical) in our brain that gives us feelings of satisfaction and reward—the feeling of YOU DID IT…ahhhhhhh. Keep in mind that dopamine is just one of the neurotransmitters doing some fun other stuff where ADHD is concerned.The Red Dot Study… came from a book David was reading off his colleague's bookshelf, pre-pandemic. Pandemic happened. Office closed (permanently). No memory of the author. We will keep looking for it, but in the meantime, our apologies and here is a study wit

Does feedback sting extra hard? David introduces the concept of rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), where you interpret feedback or questions or redirections as being very harsh and personal, and then really take it to heart—even if that’s not really what is being communicated to you--and how this plays into relationships. This episode, David and Isabelle are joined by fellow ADHD clinician, Noah, and Isabelle's husband, Bobby, who both also have ADHD.-----Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and David’s friend and fellow clinician, Noah, who both also have ADHD. David introduces the concept of rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), where you interpret feedback or questions or redirections as being very harsh and personal, and then really take it to heart—even if that’s not really what is being communicated to you (example: Did you empty the dishwasher? Someone with RSD: WHY DO YOU THINK I’M LAZY?!) What do you do if you and your partner BOTH have RSD and ADHD? Awareness is gamechanging. How you give people the feedback that maybe they’re taking your feedback too personally/harshly? There is a comedic setup in giving people the feedback that they may not take feedback well. What if your partner is neurotypical and feels like your ADHD hyper focus forgetfulness feels like you’re doing things on purpose, then you go down a shame spiral of forgetting (for example)? The neurotypical partner may have resentment towards the behaviors and also, how can it get better? It will happen again, we will fail. Not trying to be something you’re not, but also always working to improve and putting in effort, as well as paying attention to repairs and actually doing the work to prioritize what your partner’s needs are-speaking their love language (see Gary Chapman’s Love Languages below). How RSD connects to years of feeling like you’re failing and getting social feedback there’s something wrong with you. The importance of finding a partner who accepts you and gets that ADHD is not going away.WHO IS GOTTMAN? Basically John & Julie Gottman are relationship gurus who found an institute years ago where they research how people in relationships interact scientifically. With their experience they define the individual ways we crave, express and accept love from others. For more information, check out: https://www.gottman.com/DAVID’S DEFINITIONS of Gary Chapman’s Love Languages (https://www.5lovelanguages.com):1. words of affirmation - talking about your feelings of intimacy, appreciation or praise to another person 2. quality time - making time to be in close proximity with another person doing a preferable task3. physical touch - acts of touching, kissing, hugging, physical acts of closeness4. acts of service - being able to take care of things or fix problems for other people5. receiving gifts - feeling appreciation from the things that are given to you by another person-------cover art by: Sol Vázquez

Ever find reading (uninteresting stuff) hard? Does music help you focus or distract you or every version in between? More neurodivergent friends (Ashley) and family (Bobby) join Isabelle and David in discussing being diagnosed with ADHD in the 90's, what it's like to read (and what accommodations help), and what hyperfocus looks like. Also, stuff about Richard Dreyfuss.----Isabelle & David welcome Isabelle’s husband, Bobby, and David’s childhood friend, Ashley, who both also have ADHD. Ashley shares that she was diagnosed with ADHD back in ’94 when understanding of ADHD was still in its early days and accommodations like audio books and extended time for test taking were new(er). The group describes what reading looks like, including eye tracking issues connected to ADHD—and the levels of accommodations they each use, including highlighters, white noise, audiobooks, etc. One way of handling a breakup is to mouth the words to the song that's playing while you're being dumped. Other accommodations to encourage hyperfocus on reading also include listening to older instrumental music, and matching beats per minute to the task you're doing. The advantages of continuous play on music platforms (like Spotify, not a sponsor) and the rabbit holes you can get lost in. Bobby’s tangent on a gem of a comedy album (see below). The group also discusses other labels that you can gather along the way with ADHD; David was labelled as having behavior problems, skipping class, acting out. Bobby experienced the world as Ferris Buehler and his response to being bullied was to work the system to get the bullies to leave you alone. How impulsivity can help you work the system or leave you hanging. The idea of either not trying to make waves or making waves when none are around. The message David got was that there was something wrong with him. The white privilege of an ADHD diagnosis, as opposed to being labeled oppositional defiant. Name of Bobby’s find (click for a link to a youtube video): I Wanna Meet Richard Dreyfuss by Gabriel GundackerEye tracking issues (related to ADHD): Typical issues that can impair reading are related to either impulsively (jumping to a wrong line) or attention issues related to thinking about off topic things while reading. Click here for more.DAVID’S DEFINITIONS:IMPOSTER SYNDROME is the belief you don't belong/are bad, or that you have to be perfect on the outside along with the fear you will be found out/exposed and people will know you're a mess on the inside. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT (Disorder, AKA ODD) is a clinical diagnosis that is applied to children marked by intentional acts of disobedience, and conflicts with authority. This diagnosis is much different than a diagnosis of ADHD, although some parts of ADHD can be oppositional in nature, they are not truly rooted in fighting Authority, as much as the rooted in finding agency. For example, a person with ADHD may find themselves fighting an authority figure because they took a candy bar they were eating and want the candy bar back. A person with ODD would fighting the authority figure because they were an authority figure, forgetting about the candy bar.RESPONSE COST is understanding the consequences of our actions, later down the road.-------cover art by: Sol Vázquez

What really happened when we set out to make a podcast…over a year ago. Isabelle explains why this project is just now starting to come together (thank you pandemic, cross country move, and yay new baby!). David explains that he wanted to check in but didn’t. They both realize they were shame spiraling, and David drops a truth bomb on how to cope with shame, guilt, and anxiety: gratitude. The trick is it has to be specific, actual gratitude. How does this work? We get reinforcement when we ruminate on shame and guilt. Gratitude gives you MORE reinforcement, so it works as a quick substitution! Isabelle and David also figure out that the want the podcast to model a roundabout, circuitous route to how they make decisions and understand concepts and that they can trust that part of the magic is letting the listeners in on the process, as well as the product. People that know us, love us, and members of the ADHD community join us to come on the journey together to normalize living with ADHD, breaking myths, misperceptions, and neurotypical story arcs. Because sometimes you have all the accommodations in the world and then a pandemic happens. Acknowledging that starting and finishing are some of the hardest parts of ADHD; and because there is no movement until starting happens, let’s make this the start. Isabelle mentions Brené Brown…who is that? See below.Brené BrownA social worker and researcher who blew the world of psychology up with her very vulnerable TED talk on her research on vulnerability and shame back in 2011 (see below for a link to it as well as a follow-up TED talk) — also author of many great books; a good start/quick read is Gifts of Imperfection.TED Talks:Power of VulnerabilityListening to Shame-------cover art by: Sol Vázquez