Slop Quest

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan attacks Andy about sword fighting again. Andy pulls the fake text prank on some kids and it makes O’Neill mad. Then Andy makes black bean brownies and sooooomeone has a problem with it. Then Ryan wants a new show where Andy is fading in and out of consciousness on drugs while Ryan roasts him. Our old screenplay, “Michael’s By The Sea”, gets more screenplay advice from Reddit. Ryan dreams about working with a chimpanzee on a podcast. Ryan tries to convince Andy to fight him but he doesn’t take the bate. Then in an amazing turn of events , Ryan’s brother finds an actual Valparaiso police report of his antics. It’s unbelievable.

 Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy and Ryan create a new musical theater sensation based on real life events: Tree Well, The Musical. The fantastic musical incorporates the amazing staging techniques of “Spiderman: Turn Off The Dark” and unbelievable improvisational performances by cellphone calls from his comedy friends. Then they float the idea of getting James Cameron to spend a billion and a half dollars on the film adaptation. Then Andy gets advice from people who don’t live in Los Angeles on how to cold approach a celebrity to get his career off the ground. Ryan tries to get Andy to become a corpse sniffing dog but human. Then Google AI gives the boys the feeblest rundown on other cultures’ practices to the point we don’t think google actually did any of its homework. This gets even more unhinged when they ask for a report on American culture especially when it gets to Southern culture. Then they lambast a new redpill married loser dude.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy tries to implement Ryan’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy” approach to life. Then the boys talk about the “Fatties of History” as well as implementing “Fat History Month”. There’s some discussion on male hygiene then they move on to Conan O’Brien conspiracy theories. Then they talk about how Earl Skakel was robbed of a late night hosting gig. Then they talk about using stem cells for penis enlargement. This leads to some amazing business ideas. Then Andy expresses his dark thoughts to his old school Chicago PCP.  Then they talk about the efficacy of paper on doctor tables. Andy has an unsubstantiated conspiracy theory about a cast member of The Office. Then Andy finds out about the “tiny people mushroom hallucinations “ and it blows Ryan’s mind. Then Andy has to poop in a paper hat at the doctors office and has the dump of a lifetime. Then Ryan makes Andy dry heave with a new cpr technique. Then the boys find an article about how it’s abusive to open up to your girlfriend.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andrew claims to have “fighter’s arthritis” and O’Neill will not let this slide. There’s some classic dog piling from O’Neill that will delight old BCUSA fans. Andrew is sick of taking dumps and wants to invent a dump teleporter. Andy thinks we was “born” to be a sword fighter which elicits tears of laughter from O’Neill. Intense mockery abounds. YouTube screws over the stream again and Andy panics . Andy and Ryan are vindicated again with their predictions that the government would distract people from “the files” by talking about aliens. Then they argue about whether or not Elizabeth Holmes is hot and they create a “Rain Man” Barbie Doll. Then comic creator , Winston Gambro, posts the boy’s joke screenplay “Michael’s By The Sea” on Reddit asking for screenplay advice and the results are fantastic. The boys find a rapper who sounds just like O’Neill. Andy gets put in Instagram prison for a meme then forces O’Neill to freestyle rap. O’Neill then gives his best life advice “all businesses are scams and make sure to eat beans.”.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Ryan is worried that Andy is on drugs again and is overstimulated by his preshow antics. Andy brings in a physical therapy device and annoys O’Neill with it.  There’s some erudite discussion on the California water system. Ryan listens to celebrity podcasts and takes issue with their quality. Then he talks about the commeritive Porsche 911 for 911 that features Twin Towers headlights. Then he gets angry that people celebrate centennials. Then Andy and Ryan finally understand why women “pick the bear”. Andy’s arm spasm causes him to hit O’Neill with a family heirloom and it causes lots of regret. There’s some German music talk where they question why there’s not more of it. Then Andy wants to make a rap album starring O’Neill. then we freestyles under a beat and everyone loves it.  Then O’Neill tries and fails to read listener comments. It all ends with a classic Andy pantless dance.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! On this episode of Slop Quest Ryan doesn’t believe Andy about where the phrases “Chop Chop” and “Long time no see”. Then they brainstorm ways to sell Americans on high speed rails. Andy tries to convince O’Neill to show him his patented mole removal technique but O’Neill fears teaching him would be too homoerotic. YouTube takes a dump on their stream as soon as they bring up anything controversial. Then Ryan tries to gas up Andy on his driving skills but Andy doesn’t believe him. This leads them to talk about how movies have people “dig deep” in order to perform better but how that never happens. Then Ryan can’t let go of his “fondue” character and repeats lines he comes up with about fondue to himself the entire time he’s skiing. O’Neill realizes that he’s not sociopathic enough to become a huge sensation in show business. Then Andy develops a new move on his inversion table that leaves O’Neill speechless. Andy then receives an unbelievable pat on the back from his wife. O’Neill thinks Andy can never become a “regular guy” again after all his ridiculous antics.  There’s more Dave Ramsey Only Fans advice from callers.

Full episodes and much more at Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan destroys his body skiing while Andy destroys his body with sword practice. There’s a little Epstein talk while a drone hovers outside the window and Ryan fantasizes about the government bursting into his apartment to attack him. Ryan does a “deep dive” on microchips and concludes they are all fake. This enrages Andy who insists that the philosophy of “I don’t understand something so it’s fake” is not a valid scientific point of view. Andy thinks Ryan’s solo ski trios are Dark Aging his brain. Then Andy finally eats sushi again and Ryan thinks he has worms. Then Ryan fantasizes about Andy going to Norway and being dressed up as a little boy.  Then Ryan wants Andy to come to his stand up show so he can do crowd work with him. Andy threatens to sneak a bullhorn into his comedy show and heckle him. Then they talk about how to survive a post nut bj. Ryan gets his gas card declined and thinks he uncovered a vast conspiracy. Then Andy finds some good AIO Reddit threads where people tell a woman to divorce her husband because he didn’t like a character on a reality housewives show.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan talks about how the real small businessmen are drug dealers. Then Andy talks about the Alkaline water scam and scares himself into backtracking everything. Andy goes tubing in Big Bear and claims it’s even better than skiing but SOMEBODY disagrees.  Andy and Ryan try to rehabilitate the cigarette industry. Ryan floats the idea of running for president based solely on revitalizing the American fireworks industry. Andy finds a subreddit where idiots are posting mall katanas and asking his valuable they are. Then Ryan accuses Andy of having “treatment resistant swordplay”. Andy runs out of people to talk about swords with and resorts to keeping a diary of his swordplay gainz. This infuriates O’Neill. Then O’Neill gets roasted by a listener in one of the funniest ways possible. O’Neill insists he is a very supportive friend and is very motivated to build Andy up. Then Andy has to negotiate taking a shit at O’Neill’s apartment. Then Andy cajoles O’Neill into going on Comics Unleashed and doing his 5’9 bit.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! There’s a little Tina Turner talk at the start of the show. Ryan has a series of injuries when his luck runs out. Andy has a 14 hour delay on a flight. Ryan has his mind blown when he finds out lots of Bible Belt Christians don’t consider Catholics Christian. Then Andy attends a sword fighting class behind a CVS. Andy hides most of Reddit from himself. Then Andy recalls a product for getting lap dances that are just rubber underwear with lube in them. Ryan can’t believe that sexual surrogates are real. Ryan tries to figure out why Airforce Amy was a popular sex worker. Then the boys talk about Bill Gates a bit. Then Andy finds out how many dudes in their thirties have to be on viagra. O’Neill works out at an elementary school playground in Texas.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest   Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Andy gets some puffy pants for Christmas called Pluderhosen and wears them to the podcast. O’Neill then takes issues with Andy’s HEMA training and a classic argument commences. Andy is losing weight with sword fighting but Ryan is reluctant to celebrate it. O’Neill then says he could defeat Andy with a move he calls “the helicopter”. Then Andy knocks over half a gallon of water while dancing around and it gets all over the equipment.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Comedy Store veteran and hilarious good buddy, Mike Black is finally in the O’Neill Rent Controlled Studios. The talk about the Jake Paul fight and pitch a new boxing show where half the fighters don’t even want to be there. The boys pitch a new advertising angle for Pinesol. Then Ryan reveals the origins of Cornhole and gets roasted by Mike and Andrew for his choice in comedy material. Ryan and Andrew recount Andy’s unprofessional bank behavior to Mike who defends him. O’Neill makes a classic mistake where he confuses gorillas and pandas. Then Andy gets confused about pandas as well and they debate creating American pandas.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest   Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! There’s some late Epstein file talk. O’Neill talks about he’d be tricked into showing up on the Epstein files. He then floats the idea of having a professional photographer hiding to take embarrassing photos. They talk a little about Ellis quitting comedy and O’Neill’s mind is blown. Then they get into a little motivational talk where Andy crowns Ryan “King of Tomfoolery”. Andy tries Ryan’s garlic technique and has Diarrhea. Then Andy pulls the fake text prank on his cousin by marriage which infuriates O’Neill because he doesn’t believe in cousins by marriage. There’s some weight loss by basketball talk. The boys talk about Andy getting HEMA sword tattoo. Andy talks about how he tries to keep lines of communication open with friends and family and O’Neill hates the idea. There’s more tomfoolery about this from O’Neill and Andy begs him to break new ground. Then O’Neill humble brags about how good he is with communicating even if he never talks to people. Then the boys talk about how wives set their husbands up on play dates. O’Neill expresses his desire to not have any friends.  Andy finds a Christian comedian lady who KILLS in front of the crowd and O’Neill loses it. Andy meets a woman who describes herself as having been “slutty” but she waited for marriage to have sex? The boys then reminisce about the loss of the “erotic thriller” of the 90’s.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Andy finds out about the new brain rot gen z pinsol commercials. Andy is back in full form according to O’Neill. Then O’Neill hits on a hot audience member in front of her boyfriend and the crowd loves it. Andy finds an old Napster audio file about grey eyes and torments O’Neill with it. Andy daydreams about being good at sword fighting during a match and gets cranked in the head. Then they discuss putting guys who waste their money on Only Fans in group homes. Andy and O’Neill talk about people who make all their money taping their own farts and how crazy the new economy is. The boys talk about how much plastic we’ve all eaten. Andy gets surrounded by fake AI movie trailers. Then they write a pitch for Forest Gump 2 where the plot is they dig up Jenny’s body so they can reanimate it for one last bang. Then they dig into the hilariously racist past of White Christmas. Andy tells O’Neill about the Japanese “Paris Syndrome” and O’Neill goes nuts.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest   Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week they celebrate the fact that kids still associate Taco Bell with Diarrhea. Then a fog filled with ammonia settles over O’Neill’s neighborhood and conspiracy theories abound. Then Andy has a disgusting sex dream about a bedazzled vagina. Then O’Neill accuses Andy of getting all his facts from billboards. Then he floats the idea of winning the lottery and buying Andy a house that’s so expensive that Andy goes broke from property taxes. Andy gets prescribed an antibiotic that tears your tendons. Then they delve into China’s strange stance on ghosts and Andy forces O’Neill to become an audio philosopher.

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest   Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Andy brings his HEMA long sword into the O’Neill Family Beans Studio. Ryan proposes that Andy will be the next “Star Wars Kid” as he practices long sword drills in the parking lot and on his roof. Then they imagine combining Andy’s sword skills with Ryan’s new judo skills for the perfect one-two combo. O’Neill then refuses to handle Andy’s sword because he’s worried that Andy takes the sword with him to the toilet. Then they do Dave Ramsey giving Elon Musk debt consolidation advice. Then they go on a tear doing Dave Ramsey giving advice to Only Fans models.  

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! The boys lament the loss of the American penny and speculate on how they can use the savings to pay for cool things. Ryan talks about his awesome hyper inflation is going to be because he’ll see signs at the grocery store with big numbers. This week the boys fantasize about how rich they’d be if they had invested in crypto early. They talk about having an eBay for sex tapes and nudes. The boys push legislation for disclosing whether or not your car is haunted then they start a pr firm that uses ghost sightings to bring housing prices down. Then they come up with the ultimate gender war tactic by turning all dudes gay and just hanging out with the boys.    

Full episodes and much more available on Patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week the mind of Ryan O’Neill investigates a city council woman who committed manslaughter after being called a name. Andrew does a deep dive on The White Massai and the more we learn , the more it outrages O’Neill. This leads to a confession from O’Neill that he’s been secretly watching Sex And The City and the unhinged Psychopath behavior by the ladies leaves O’Neill speechless.  This leads O’Neill to talk about a lady who didn’t bring enough oxygen to Mount Oxygen and tries to bum air off of everyone. Then Andy finds an old video that teaches wives how to enjoy football. Finally , Andy and Ryan create a new straight to video scheme based off Dorf Loves Golf where and tucks his arms into his t-shirt called “Wingman”.

Full episodes and much more at patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This episode O’Neill tests out his new sunglasses . Then he reveals the ancient prophecies of Baba Venya and tries to unravel her prescient mysteries. Andy finds a preacher from the 80’s who tries to prove that He-Man is the Antichrist. Then they talk about Diarhea related deleted scenes from Braveheart that will shock you. Then they talk about how to survive a knife attack with a lot of unwarranted confidence. Then Ryan debates the legality of marrying an Ai. Then Andy talks about his final wishes for when he’s an old man. Then Ryan berates Andy for eating a burrito in bed.

Patreon.com/slopquest for full episodes and much, much more! Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Andy almost blackouts on the toilet. Then an old listener gets out of prison and is confused on what episode of the podcast we’re on. Ryan finds out that the Japanese are experimenting by filling butts with liquid oxygen. They speculate on the sports related applications of this brave new technology. Then they talk about america’s new nicotine obsession. Andy finds the earliest recorded jokes. Then Andy finds a giant tittied German chick online and rages when O’Neill says he doesn’t care. Then he tries to get Andy to restart Babes of Dongaria. They talk about horny Boomer comments on public profiles with all their real world information on it. Then O’Neill fantasizes about Andy being the only man in history to be sex trafficked. O’Neill brags about his “Connect 4” mind games that makes his wife second guess all her moves. This infuriates Andrew to the point that Dark Andy returns. Then O’Neill brags about how good he is at sheep sheering and how many alpaca items he has.

Full episodes and more available on patreon.com/slopquest! Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week O’Neill recounts his harrowing adventures with Ari Shaffir in Peru. There’s so many twists and turns you’ll be on the edge of your toilet seat. Lives endangered, lives saved, drugs consumed and memories made.

Full episodes and much more available at patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Ryan prepares for leaving the country and the yellow fever treatment puts him on his ass. Andy’s daughter leaves a hilarious secret note in Ryan’s bathroom that makes Andy so proud but enrages O’Neill. Ryan opens up about the amount of people he knows who got abducted by aliens in Indiana. Then the boys debate whether or not they could bang an alien. Andy finds a chick whose whole face looks fake in a super scary way. On the Patreon side, O’Neill opens up about some dark and hilarious family ass whoopings.

full episodes and much, much more at patreon.com/slopquest Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Ryan reminisces about Indiana Stand Your Ground laws. The boys then talk about how SA on dudes is still considered fair game for online ding dongs. Andy tries to explain the different rules for felons getting an EDC by becoming history buffs. Then they pitch a movie about a guy with gynocomasteia with cannons in his tits. Then they debate the usefulness of pounding donkeys as O’Neill puts on his “world traveler” hat. Then they pitch the boys talk about what made Ryan so angry about Rocky V.

Patreon.com/SlopQuest for full episodes, a backlog of hundreds of hours of other podcasts with Ryan and Andrew and much, much more! Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This episode Ryan loses his voice at the same time as Andy. Ryan for mysterious reasons and Andy because of a massive onion based GERD attack. Andy has to paint a commission of Godzilla with boobs and a dong. Then they pitch the GERD National Championship where Andy faces off against Steve Ranazizi. Andy keeps getting slapped awake by the corner of his fitted sheet around 2 am every night. Then they come up with a plan to stop men from taking dick pics on the toilet with a new invention. Then Andy tries to whisper sweet nothings into his wife’s ear while he’s gerding. Then they pitch a History Chanel show “Decoding The Past: With Ryan O’Neill”. Andy gets sent to Fat Space Camp. Then Andy’s mom laments buying him a Starter Jacket.

Full episodes and much , much more available on Patreon.com/SlopQuest Andy and Ryan talk about how in show animosity is hilarious but unsustainable. Then Ryan predicts which businesses are about to go out of business while Andy plays a trick on him. Then they talk about a Neil DeGrasse Tyson AI video that makes them question the future. There’s some rickshaw and John Henry talk. They talk about the new age of internet censorship that’s creeping into everything. Then O’Neill realizes he’s been directly affected by a data center stealing all his water. Then they float the idea of using doodie to cool server farms. Andy finally finds out about using French fry grease for diesel fuel. Then they pitch a Broadway musical where he blackmails Linn Emanuel Miranda to write a musical about him being addicted to fentanyl after his harrowing colonoscopy. Then O’Neill worries that his female optometrist is falling in love with him because of his beautiful baby grays. Then they give Pete Hegseth tips on comedy crowd work for his future speeches to generals and give him some advice on his material.

Full episodes and much , much, more available at Patreon.com/SlopQuest Andy has a crazy dream about O’Neill and John Little then they talk about the Tylenol controversy. Then Andy and Ryan talk about the church reframing the visual depictions of the Devil to get farmers to stop worshipping Pan. This leads them to change up Pan and give him a cool modern twist with fun new traditions. Then O’Neill gets converted to Christianity by the idea of a scarier new Satan who sprays people with Round Up. Then the boys talk about how lame public, staged proposals are. Then Andy finds out just how absolutely shitty the author of “Eat, Pray, Love” and when he reveals the details, O’Neill rages like never before.