Sex and Psychology Podcast

We’re often our own worst enemies when it comes to having the sex we really want. Shame, secrecy, self-doubt, fear of failure—all of these things have a way of interfering with our ability to pursue pleasure. In order to have great sex, we need to change our entire sexual mindset. So that’s what this episode is all about: how to feel hot, but unbothered. I am joined by Yana Tallon-Hicks, a relationship therapist and sexuality educator. She is author of the new book, Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Really Want. Some of the topics we discuss include: How to cope with “sexual imposter syndrome.” How to overcome fear of sexual failure. How to build up your sexual self-confidence. How to learn what it is that you really want from sex. How to “hear no like a pro” (i.e., what to do when you and your partner aren’t on the same page about sex). What to do when your sex drive gets out of synch with that of your partner. Check it out! To learn more about Yana, visit yanatallonhicks.com and follow @the_vspot on Instagram. Also, be sure to check out her new book, Hot and Unbothered. Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There are a ton of sources for sex advice out there, which is great. But too many of them suffer from the same problem: they take a one-size-fits-all approach when, in reality, different things are going to work for different people. We each have a unique sexual self, which means that if you don’t have a certain level of self-understanding, it can be difficult to know which advice to take–and which advice to leave. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today: how to uncover your core erotic themes and increase sexual self-understanding. My guest is sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell, author of the new book, Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Why generic sex advice often doesn’t work. How to pinpoint your own motivations for having sex. How your sexual fantasies can help you to uncover your core erotic themes. How to share sexual fantasies with a partner. Why it’s important to step outside of our sexual comfort zone sometimes. How to deal with mismatched libido in a relationship. To learn more about Cyndi, visit her website at cyndidarnell.com, follow her on the socials @cyndi_darnell and be sure to get a copy of her new book Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

According to some sources, a majority of all marriages in the world are arranged. Despite how common this practice is, little research has been conducted on the subject—and there are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there regarding what arranged marriages actually look like and how they work (including the idea that arranged marriage necessarily equates to “forced marriage”). So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento. Some of the topics we explore include: How does the purpose of marriage differ across cultures? What does an arranged marriage actually look like? Who arranges an arranged marriage? Do the spouses have a say? Are people happier on average in couple-initiated vs. arranged marriages? What do people tend to get wrong about arranged marriages and how they work? Check it out! To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1 Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If your romantic partner were to become sexually or romantically interested in someone else, how would you feel? Jealousy is often presumed to be the default response, especially in monogamous relationships. However, in consensually non-monogamous relationships, people often experience happiness, pleasure, or other positive feelings–a phenomenon known as compersion. So how are jealousy and compersion linked? Can you experience both at the same time? Can you learn to experience compersion if it’s something you’ve never felt before? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. I am joined by Dr. Sharon Flicker, a clinical psychologist who researches intimate relationships. She is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at California State University – Sacramento and has recently co-authored a series of papers on the subject of compersion. Some of the topics we explore include: What does it really mean to experience compersion? What are the kinds of things that make it easier to feel compersion? What makes it harder? Is compersion a trait that you either have or don’t have, or is it something you can teach yourself to feel? Are compersion and jealousy mutually exclusive, or can you experience both simultaneously? In polyamory, how do the relationships you have with your partner’s partners influence compersion? Is the experience of compersion necessary for successful polyamory? To learn more about Sharon, you can visit her lab website or follow her on Twitter @smflicker1 Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A masochist is someone who derives pleasure from the experience of pain. While we often think of masochism as being a purely sexual thing, it’s actually a pervasive part of everyday life. From the long-distance marathon runner to the person who covers their entire body in tattoos to the person who douses all of their food in hot sauce, there are countless examples of people intentionally inflicting pain on themselves—and getting some pleasure out of it at the same time. So why is that? We’re going to do a deep dive into the psychology of masochism today. I am joined today by Leigh Cowart, a researcher and journalist whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, New York Magazine, Popular Science, and more. Leigh’s latest book is titled Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: Why do so many of us choose to suffer? Are we all masochists to some degree? Why do humans experience pain anyway? What is the adaptive value of it? Why is pain sometimes sexually arousing? How can pain enhance sex? Why do some people seek out more intense pain than others? Where does all of the shame and stigma around masochism (particularly sexual masochism) come from? When can pain-seeking behavior be healthy, and when can it become a problem? To learn more about Leigh, follow her on the socials @voraciousbrain and be sure to get a copy of her book Hurts So Good Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Survey studies find that about 1 in 5 people say they’re been in some type of sexually open relationship before. Despite how common consensual non-monogamy is, research, data, and information on it is pretty limited. And, oftentimes, it’s not addressed at all in psychology training programs. So, for today’s episode, we’re going to explore what you need to know about sexually open relationships. I am joined by Dr. Michelle Vaughan, an Associate Professor in the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University. She is the co-editor of the soon to be released Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: What attitudes toward consensual non-monogamy look like today and how they’re changing. The key strengths of those who practice consensual non-monogamy. How to identify and lean into your own strengths in order to improve your relationship(s). Tips and advice for navigating sexually open relationships. How to know if consensual non-monogamy is right for you. Common issues that arise in sexually open relationships (e.g., jealousy) and how to deal with them. How to find an affirming therapist if you’re in an open relationship. To learn more about Michelle and her work, visit her Google Scholar page, follow her on Twitter @MichelleDVPhd, and check out the Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy (or order on rowman.com and use discount code RLFANDF25 to save 25%). Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Everyone has an “attachment style,” which refers to the way that you tend to interact and connect with others in intimate relationships. Psychologists have found that attachment styles are reliable predictors of so many different things in our sex and love lives, from the content of our sexual fantasies to how we respond in conflict situations to our reasons for pursuing sex. A better understanding of your own (and your partner’s) attachment style can potentially help you to cultivate a more fulfilling intimate life. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. Dr. Nicole McNichols is back to give us the guide to attachment theory. Nicole is an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington and she has a popular Ted Talk titled “Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include: What are the main attachment styles that exist? Where does your attachment style come from, and can it change over time? How does culture influence attachment style? How can you identify your own attachment style? How can you identify the attachment style of someone you’re dating? What should you do if you and your partner have discrepant attachment styles? To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor Thanks to FirmTech (myfirmtech.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! FirmTech’s Performance Ring is designed to boost your sexual stamina and give you harder, longer-lasting erections, while also enhancing pleasure. Their Tech Ring has the added benefit of tracking your erectile health. Visit myfirmtech.com and be sure to use my exclusive discount code Justin20 to save 20% off your purchase. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Men who have sex with men often identify themselves in terms of sexual positions, such as top, bottom, or versatile to reference the role they prefer to take during anal sex. But what if none of those terms describe you? Today’s episode is all about the growing number of gay and bisexual men who identify as “sides,” or people who aren’t into penetrative anal sex. I am joined by Dr Joe Kort, the clinical director and founder of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. He is a board-certified clinical sexologist and author of four books. Joe was the first person to coin the term “side” and his efforts to raise awareness of it recently led the sex and dating app Grindr to start offering it as an option for identifying oneself. Some of the topics we explore in this show include: How do gay and bisexual men define “sex?” And what are their most common sexual behaviors? Why is there so much pressure to identify yourself as a sexual position in the gay community? Why are some men into anal sex while others are not? What does it mean to identify as a “side?” And how many gay and bisexual men are sides? How can people be more respectful of others who have different sexual activity preferences without shaming them for wanting something different? What are the positive and negative aspects of identifying yourself as a sexual position? To learn more about Joe, visit joekort.com and follow him on the socials @drjoekort Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

College students tend to be stereotyped as a pretty horny bunch who are hooking up every chance they get. But are today’s college students really having more sex than ever? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in this show. Are they as sexually active as popular media depictions suggest? How is the sex that they’re having changing? And what do college students today need to know about navigating and cultivating healthy sexual and romantic relationships? I am joined by Dr. Nicole McNichols, an Associate Teaching Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington. Nicole is the co-author of the textbook Human Sexuality In A Diverse Society and she has a popular Ted Talk titled “Students On Top: A Vision for 21st Century Sex Education.” Some of the topics we explore include: What are students’ sex education experiences like before they get to college? How many college students today are sexually active? Are they having sex earlier or later than previous generations? How is the sex they’re having different? Why is choking during sex on the rise? How are college students being influenced by porn and the #MeToo movement? Why do college students seem to find dating and relationships to be so challenging? To learn more about Nicole, visit nicolethesexprofessor.com and follow her on Instagram @nicole_thesexprofessor Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Bestselling author Lisa Taddeo has put women’s stories front and center in all of her books. Her work explores how women navigate sexual desire, sexual trauma, and sexual double standards–and it is utterly fascinating and captivating. For today’s episode, I sat down with Lisa to talk about these prominent themes in her writings and what they tell us about women’s sexuality. Lisa’s first nonfiction book, Three Women, was an instant #1 New York Times bestseller and is currently in production as a series at Showtime with Shailene Woodley set to star. This book takes a deep dive into the sex lives and relationships of three American women who live in different parts of the country. Following Three Women, Lisa published her debut fiction novel Animal, which tells the story of Joan, a woman who has endured a lifetime of cruelty from men—and eventually forges the power to strike back. Lisa’s latest book, Ghost Lover, is a collection of short stories that feature a series of women who are searching for—and frequently struggling to find—fulfillment in their lives. We discuss all three of Lisa’s books, including where she drew her inspiration, the major themes (including why sex and death run through all of them), and some of the sexist criticism her work has evoked. To learn more about Lisa, visit lisataddeo.com and follow her on Instagram @lisadtaddeo Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Why are we attracted to some people, but not to others? The answer to this question is surprisingly complex, but research has uncovered a set of scientifically-backed principles that can pretty reliably facilitate sexual and romantic attraction. This episode will help you to better understand those “laws” of attraction, including how you can leverage them to enhance your own appeal to others. Sexuality educator Ashley Weller returns for this show. Ashley is a professor at Chapman University who runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore include: Is attraction something that is usually instantaneous, or does it tend to grow over time? We often hear that “birds of a feather flock together.” But we also hear that “opposites attract.” So which one is true? Are we attracted to similarity or differences? What’s the best way to start a conversation with someone you’re attracted to? Do pick-up lines actually work? Can playing hard to get make you appear more desirable? How similar or different are men and women when it comes to what they want in a partner? If you find yourself attracted to the “wrong” type of person, how do you break that pattern? To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.  

In the classic film When Harry Met Sally, Meg Ryan famously said, “Most women at one time or another have faked it.” And she was right. But it turns out that women aren’t the only ones who do this. Fake orgasms are surprisingly common across genders. So why do so many people feign the peak of pleasure? And is pretending to climax a good thing or a bad thing? That’s why we’re going to be talking about today. I am joined by Ashley Weller, a professor at Chapman University in Southern California who teaches human sexuality courses. Ashley has more than 15 years of experience in sex education and runs a podcast called What’s your Position? that tackles issues surrounding sexuality, relationships, life, and love from a comedic yet educational point of view. Some of the topics we explore in this show include: How many people have ever faked an orgasm before? Why do people fake orgasms, and do men’s and women’s reasons for doing it differ? What do people actually do when they pretend to climax? Is it always a bad idea to fake orgasms? What should you do if you’re been faking it but don’t want to do that anymore? What should you do if you suspect your partner of faking orgasms? To learn more about Ashley, check out her podcast What’s your Position? and follow her on Instagram @whatsyourpositionpodcast Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Human beings spend about one-third of their lives asleep. We do this because sleep is an essential body function. When we don’t get enough sleep, we suffer in a lot of ways–and that includes our sex lives. That’s why today’s episode is all about the important connection between sex and sleep. As you’ll learn, getting better sleep is one of the keys to having better sex. But it’s also the case that having a great sex life can help you get better sleep. The connection between sleep and sex goes both ways! I am joined by Dr. Michele Lastella, a senior lecturer at Central Queensland University and a global leader in sleep research in athletes. He has 70 peer-reviewed publications related to sleep, sport psychology, psychological well-being and more. Some of the topics we address in this episode include: Why do we often feel tired or sleepy after sex? How does sex impact the quality of the sleep we get? Does masturbation affect sleep in the same way? Does the impact of sex on sleep depend on whether or not orgasm occurs? Does sex affect sleep in the same way for men and women? How do both temporary and chronic sleep disruptions (such as sleep apnea and insomnia) affect our sexual health and well-being? Why do penile and clitoral erections occur during sleep? What are some practical tips for getting better sleep so that you can have better sex? Check it out! To learn more about Michele, check out his Google Scholar profile and follow him on Twitter @sleeppsyc Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

It is hard to believe, but we have reached episode 100 of this podcast! So how do you celebrate 100 episodes of a sex show? I’ve put together a compilation featuring some of the most fascinating and mind-blowing facts about sex we’ve covered so far. Specifically, we’re going to revisit my interviews with Hallie Lieberman (Episode 21), Dr. Ina Park (Episode 39), Dr. Lisa Dawn Hamilton (Episode 53) and Dr. Nicole Prause (Episode 60). Some of the things we cover in this episode include: Why butt plugs used to be marketed as a cure for asthma (no joke!). Whether sexually transmitted infections can hijack our brains and change our sexual behavior in order to make them more infectious. How a study of a cow’s clitoris became the basis for what we think we know about the human clitoris. Why some people get sick every time they orgasm. Thank you for supporting the show! If you listen on Apple Podcasts, please consider a paid subscription to Sex and Psychology Premium to help keep the show going and to receive new episodes ad-free. Cheers to the next 100 episodes! Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Chris Sowa (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When you go out on a date with someone, who should pay for it? When two people of the same sex or gender go out, they’ll often split the bill—but when it’s a man and a woman, more often than not, the man pays. So there’s still a lot of chivalry present in dating between men and women, despite the fact that we have increasingly moved away from traditional gender roles and norms in many ways. So what’s up with that? How do men and women really feel about this issue? And how can be better navigate financial issues and dating? For today’s episode, Dr. David Frederick returns. David was a previous guest on Episode 97 (Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships). He is an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California, and has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. In this show, we explore some of David’s research on money and dating in the context of men and women going out together. Some of the questions we get into include: When men and women go out on a date, who usually pays? And how do things change the longer they date each other? How often do women offer to pay when they go out with a man? How do they feel if their date refuses the offer? How do men feel about women paying for dates? Do people feel that paying for dates and sexual activity are linked in any way? Where does this expectation that men should pay on the first date come from? Is it cultural? Evolutionary? Is there a better way to navigate this fraught issue? To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research. Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The impact of religion on our sex lives is complex—it is neither uniformly negative nor positive. The way that religion affects sexuality really depends upon how sexuality is situated within a given religion. But when religiosity and sexuality conflict, how do you navigate this? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. How do sex therapists balance religious and sexual identity in the therapeutic process when conflicts arise? Is it possible to resolve this in a way that doesn’t require sacrificing one or the other? Dr. Eric Sprankle returns for this episode (he was a previous guest on Episode 96: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation). Eric is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist. Some of the topics we explore in this show include: How often do people seek sex therapy for issues relating to religiosity, and what kinds of issues are they usually experiencing? How do you balance religious identity and sexual identity (or desire) in the process of sex therapy? How can we make sex education something that is more inclusive of religious diversity? In what ways can religiosity have a positive impact on sexuality? If you’re struggling with issues of religiosity and sexuality, how can you find a therapist who is affirming of both? Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When you’re feeling that intense passion in the early stages of a relationship, having great sex is usually pretty easy. However, those feelings don’t tend to stick around very long. It’s normal for passion to begin fading after a year or two. But it doesn’t have to disappear entirely. It’s very much possible to get the spark back–and keep it going–with a little bit of effort. So let’s talk about how to do it! For today’s episode, I am joined by Dr. David Frederick, an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California. Dr. Frederick has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. Some of the questions we explore include: What typically happens to sexual frequency and satisfaction over time in long-term relationships? Why is trying new sexual activities crucial to boosting passion? And what kinds of novel activities have the biggest impact? How many new things do you need to try sexually in order to experience a boost in passion? Are the factors that predict sexual satisfaction the same for lesbians and heterosexual women? What about for gay versus heterosexual men? What can lesbians teach heterosexual women about closing the “orgasm gap?” Besides trying new sexual activities, what are some other tried and true ways of reinvigorating passion in a long-term relationship? To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research. Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Masturbation is something that most people do, but many of us have a complicated relationship with it. For example, some people are under the impression that masturbation is an unhealthy or even “addictive” activity. Given that we’re in the midst of Masturbation Month, now seems like the perfect time to set the record straight on solo sex and tell you what you really need to know about it. My guest today is Dr. Eric Sprankle, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: How long have human beings been masturbating? What makes masturbation in humans unique compared to other species that do it? Where did this idea that masturbation is unhealthy come from? What kinds of masturbation “cures” were used in the past to discourage this behavior? (This is some weird and wacky stuff!) Is there any truth to the idea that masturbatory abstinence can improve your health or boost testosterone? Is masturbation really an “addictive” behavior? Can women really become “addicted” to their vibrators? How can we develop a healthier relationship with solo sex? Check it out! To learn more about Eric, visit his website at drsprankle.com and follow him on Twitter or Instagram @DrSprankle Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Have you ever fantasized about being ‘forced’ to have sex? If so, you’re not alone. Fantasies about being taken against one’s will (also known as ‘ravishment fantasies’ and ‘consensual non-consent fantasies’) are actually quite common. But just how many people report having had them? And why? That’s what we’re going to be exploring in today’s episode. I’ll be sharing five examples of forced sex fantasies that have emerged in my research to illustrate what these fantasies tend to look like, and also to explore the psychology behind them. To help me put this show together, Rose Caraway returns to narrate the actual fantasies. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s amazing book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program. The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include: Ravished By My Lover Kidnapped and Forced to Have Sex Animalistic Sex With an Alpha Male Banged By the Bachelorettes Taken By a Warrior Princess I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that unite them, while also considering similarities and differences in how these fantasy scenarios play out for men and women. I also discuss who is most likely to have fantasies of this nature and why. This is a fascinating episode. Be sure to check it out! Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for being sponsors of this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

As someone who studies the science of sexual fantasies, every time I think I’ve heard it all, I discover something new. Human beings are endlessly inventive and flexible when it comes to their sexuality, which means that our fantasies are sometimes truly fantastical and may reflect things that wouldn’t even be physically possible in reality. While these fantasies may strike many people as “strange” or “weird,” however, a deeper analysis of them reveals that they aren’t so unusual after all. They’re actually just creative variations on the things that turn most of us on. In this episode, we’re going to explore four uncommon sexual fantasies I’ve encountered over the course of my research and consider the psychology behind them. To help me put this show together, I invited Rose Caraway to narrate the actual fantasies that my participants provided. Rose is a writer, editor, and publisher who runs the Kiss Me Quick’s Erotica Podcast. She also served as the narrator for Dr. David Ley’s fantastic book, Insatiable Wives, which was the subject of Episode 70 of this program. The fantasies we dive into in this show come from my book Tell Me What You Want, and they include: The Human Cow (or HuCow) The Human Doll Getting Eaten Alive (Vorarephilia) Taken By Tentacles I walk you through the main themes behind each of these fantasies and the common threads that run through all of them. I also discuss who tends to have more of these fantastical fantasies and why. This is a truly fascinating episode you’re not going to want to miss. Check it out! The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. Thanks to the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for sponsoring this episode! *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When it comes to sex, we could all benefit from a few pointers because great sex is usually something we have to figure out on our own. On previous episodes of the show, we’ve talked about things like expanding your definition of sex, learning how to communicate what you want, and building up your sexual self-confidence. We’re going to take it a step further today and talk about some of the finer details. We’re going to explore how you can get even more pleasure from several specific sexual activities, from masturbation to oral sex to intercourse to kink. I am joined once again by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: How mixing up your masturbation routine can unlock new sources of pleasure and enhance partnered sex. How to have better oral sex. How to make penile-vaginal intercourse more pleasurable and increase the odds of mutual orgasm. How to have comfortable and pleasurable anal sex. How to make role-play fun and enjoyable instead of stressful and awkward. What you need to know about sharing and acting on sexual fantasies. Why it’s important to step out of your comfort zone from time to time. Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and Promescent (promescent.com) for being sponsors of this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

One of the keys to great sex is being in the right headspace and allowing yourself to be totally immersed in the experience. If you’re not fully into it, it’s easy for your mind to start wandering and to get distracted. Divided attention can make it hard to stay aroused and to reach orgasm. So how can you get in the right mental space for great sex? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re going to be discussing a mental state called flow and share practical tips for getting into this state of mind so that you can have the best sex of your life. I am joined by Dr. Emily Jamea, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and host of the Love and Libido podcast. Some of the topics we explore in this episode include: What does it mean to be in a state of “flow?” How is flow similar to or different from practicing mindfulness? How can being in a flow state enhance sexual satisfaction? What is the role of flow in kinky sex? Do some people naturally have an easier time getting into flow states than others? How can you open yourself up to experiencing flow during sex? How can flow boost sexual desire and help people to deal with sexual difficulties? Check it out! To learn more about Emily, visit her website at emilyjamea.com As a special deal for listeners, Emily is offering 50% off her online sex ed workshops (available on her website) with the coupon code: HALFOFF Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and The Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. The Kinsey Institute’s (kinseyinstitute.org) 75th anniversary is underway and you are invited to join in the celebration! Follow @kinseyinstitute on social media to learn more about upcoming events. Also, please consider a gift or donation to the Institute to support sex research and education. Click here to donate. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Jonathan Raz (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Relationships are hard for everyone, but they can be especially hard when you’re living with a mental health issue such as depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Psychological struggles can heighten the anxiety around sex, dating, and intimacy in ways that can make relationships feel inherently unsatisfying, even hopeless. But there is hope! Today, we’re going to explore how mental health issues can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them. I am joined by Allison Raskin, a mental health advocate and New York Times bestselling author. Her latest book is titled: Over-Thinking About You: Navigating Romantic Relationships When You Have Anxiety, OCD, and/or Depression. Some of the topics that we explore include: How do you even bring up the subject of mental health with someone you’re dating or in a relationship with? How can you tell whether something you’re worried about is a valid relationship concern vs. a symptom of your disorder? How do you take care of both your mental health and your relationship at the same time when some mental health treatments carry sexual side effects? How can you learn to be “in the moment” during sex and block out distracting thoughts? How can you make online dating less anxiety-inducing? How can you handle breakup in healthier ways? How can you be a supportive partner to someone who has mental health struggles? To learn more about Allison, visit allisonraskin.com. Also, be sure to check out her latest book Over-Thinking About You and follow her on Instagram @emotionalsupportlady Thanks to Promescent (promescent.com) and the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes (modernsextherapyinstitutes.com) for being sponsors of this episode! This podcast was made on Zencastr. Join Zencastr today and receive 40% off of their professional plan for 3 months with my exclusive discount code: sexandpsych *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Until very recently, the sight of a penis in film or on television was a rarity. And when it happened, it was a big deal. The promise of even a fleeting glimpse would overshadow everything else. For example, remember when Gone Girl came out? It seemed like all anyone could talk about was Ben Affleck’s member. Today, however, penises seem to be popping up everywhere, and Hollywood keeps upping the ante. Case in point: there’s a scene in Euphoria featuring nearly 30 dongs. So what’s up with that? What’s behind the rise of male full-frontal nudity on screen? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re also going to discuss why most of the penises you see are actually prosthetics, and you’re going to learn how the sausage gets made. Literally. I am joined by Matthew Mungle, an Academy Award winning artist specializing in Make-up Effects and Prosthetics. With over 250 film and television projects to his credit, Matthew is regarded as one of Hollywood’s top masters of makeup effects illusion. Odds are, you’ve seen his work–and maybe even some of the penises he’s created. Some of the topics we explore include: Why male full-frontal nudity is a growing trend. The first time Matthew was ever approached to make a penile prosthetic. Why most of the penises we see on screen are prosthetics. How producers decide what a prosthetic penis will look like for a given actor/character. How prosthetic penises are made (it’s both an art and a science!). Whether prosthetic penises are contributing to unrealistic perceptions of penis size. Average penis size and whether size really matters anyway. Check it out! To learn more about Matthew’s work, visit his website at wmcreationsinc.com and check out his IMDB page to learn about the many amazing film and TV projects he has contributed to. Thanks to The Handy (thehandy.com) and Promescent (promescent.com) for sponsoring this episode! The Handy, made by Sweet Tech, is an automatic stroker designed for self-pleasure. Pair it with your sleeve of choice to mimic realistic sensations of different partnered activities with precise speed and stroke control. Visit https://link.thehandy.com/sexandpsych-1 to learn more and use my exclusive discount code (sexandpsych) to get 10% off your order. *** Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow us on Facebook, Twitter, or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram. Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast! Credits: Legit Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest and Deon Black on Unsplash.