Reconcilable Differences

This week, Merlin is losing his mind, and John’s kids can’t _even_. Merlin praises his kid’s tech-savvy teacher, and John has questions about how well Merlin has been following his orders. Merlin admits that he literally has not. Homework is discussed, and John confesses to once starting the world’s longest book report. John recounts his career of creative abuse of Macintosh skills back in elementary and high school, and Merlin dons his notional 43 Folders hat. The topic expands to a wider exploration of Big Ideas in parenting, education, and pedagogy. Merlin has a little niggle, and John remembers when parents had a modest annual kiss budget. Then, things get _gritty_. Can models help kids? Want a Rice Krispies treat? John clarifies a previous insane reference you couldn’t possibly understand, and Merlin vents a little. At `1:26:29` the spoiler horn fires off for a discussion of HBO’s _Sharp Objects_ Season One. (_Recorded on Tuesday, August 28, 2018._)

This week kicks off with John’s candid assessment of Merlin’s new facial hair experiment, and Merlin expresses sympathy for John’s own grave face challenges. Ziti is briefly discussed, and Merlin has a feature request for _ATP_. John has some questions about a podcast Merlin likes, and this leads to a discursive walk through ***what makes a podcast stick***. John doesn’t want to know how much Chapo makes each month, Merlin makes some recommendations, and your hosts struggle, as ever, with recommending pretty much anything. The Relay FM membership drive is on, and we’d love it if you’d consider [supporting it](https://www.relay.fm/membership). Ziti is discussed further. John may blog more about video games someday. Maybe. This week’s mini-topic finds John interrogating Merlin about ***camping***. Merlin doesn’t like leaving the house, and John learns about bear boxes. Merlin shoos his child away, and John reminisces about his young and moist tent days. Merlin has some tips and a lot of gear. John’s daughter’s camping was more—how does one say?—rustic. John has some follow-up regarding a good opportunity to see _Perfect Blue_ on the big screen, and the boys reminisce about the time when _Star Wars_ was scarce. Merlin remembers when Betamax tapes were costly. Finally, the horn fires off at `1:23:13` for a Spoiler Slot on _A Quiet Place_ (2018). (_Recorded on Tuesday, August 14, 2018._)

Again with the Skype, and the show is off and running with a quick gloss on Programming, Scratch, homemade Pong, and another podcast where John adjudicates what is or is not a thing. John goes bowling, but it isn’t _proper bowling_, and Merlin doesn’t actually make it into arcades so much anymore. John explores the squalid underworld of Gambling for Children, and Merlin talks about some recent high-quality dogs he’s met. John thinks Merlin is nowhere near ready for a canine in his life, but Merlin just wants a sweet, precious, cos-playing Corgi. Merlin wonders when it’s time to talk about Elon Musk, and John draws comparisons to his favorite big-talking, emotional CEO. Merlin doesn’t like John personally, but continues to listen to his old podcast with Dan. John has some follow-up on his daughter’s time at sleepaway camp. The Sorting Hat erred, there *may* have been a spinal injury, and scurvy is a concern. *Anyways…* Children are observed via GPS, and spouses just disappear in another county. How hard is it to pick up a phone? Merlin has two pieces of business, including some pre-talk about a future Spoiler Slot. Then, there’s a brief update on the Mann family raiding Professor Siracusa’s Plex. Merlin’s daughter was reportedly last seen somewhere near The Lost Woods. This week’s main topic is a goodie: ***the things only you notice***. The things only you care about. And, sure, the things only you *don’t* notice (but probably should). John sees scratches on his Mac, Merlin wants to know who slightly moved a cable, and why in God’s name do people keep turning the scale 90°? Where does this agita come from, how do these emotions get misdirected, and why in the hell is this pizza box here? On the other hand, how even can you know what you don’t know if you don’t know what you don’t know? John makes a strong case for obliviousness. (_Recorded on Tuesday, July 24, 2018._)

This week, Merlin has managed his time poorly and John has notes about the verisimilitude of Memoji. John’s daughter is at camp and Merlin thinks the show notes are just a mess. This week’s mini-topic cover’s Merlin’s struggle with a sound bar. This leads to some TV (set) talk. John is in the market for a new one and Merlin asks for some tech advice. Plants are discussed. John brings us up to date on his recent trip to England, and Merlin talks about Cho Chang. John has some notes on Merlin’s ice cream workflow. John has many layers, and Merlin just wants to get back to his life. Merlin’s family raids John’s Plex, and Professor Siracusa has some recommendations. Zelda is discussed, and John has a thought on Link’s gender. The Mann Family Summer Movie Project is discussed. Finally, the boys weigh in on The Civility Debate. (_Recorded on Tuesday, July 17, 2018._)

This week starts with an inhale as Merlin fails to solve several of John's musical puzzles. Then, there's some R.E.M. talk. As you do. This week's mini-topic involves ***Merlin's Summer Projects.*** Merlin likes choosing the right word, and John doesn't really _do_ projects. This ends up leading to some deep discussion about buying a guitar and trying to get better at it. John can't understand why Merlin would paste a screenshot, and Merlin likes watching John edit the Google Doc. This week's main topic is ***Getting Big in Podcasting***. Our fellow Relay host made a video about getting on a podcast network, and this leads to a broad exploration of value, independence, friendship, and the unique power to make something you love. (_Recorded on Tuesday, June 26, 2018._)

This week opens with Merlin’s heavy reappraisal of *Isle of Dogs*, plus an anecdote that involves his wife slapping a remote out of his hands. John shares some strong opinions about motion smoothing and reveals the stunning secrets of Instagram. Your hosts discuss New England. John reveals a new wrinkle in his daughter’s recent dietary radicalization, while Merlin points out that John has a lot of balls in the air. It is agreed that all houses should probably come with documentation. Your hosts may have the ultimate white whine. That said, there *are* consequences. In what ends up being the accidental main topic, John and Merlin dive into the impossibilities of ***Keeping House***. Stackers and pilers are contrasted, large trucks are hastily hired, and things (still) need to leave John’s house. Fantasy house management is explored, but throwing air conditioners from the attic is, sadly, just not going to happen. (_Recorded on Tuesday, June 19, 2018._)

This week’s *wraparound episode* begins with the annual WWDC reporting live from the show floor. Then, Merlin explains a joke and shows John an image you can’t see yet. John has trouble stopping the flow of *WIRED*, and Apple TV apps are further discussed. Merlin briefly uses his Nest camera as a voice dingus. *Very briefly*. Your hosts talk about how they handle the Wild West of two-factor authentication, and what happened with that whole Amazon tube lady dustup. John has thoughts on what it would take for these things to get smarter. Merlin accidentally freaks out his landlord with Technology. John provides an update on solo-dadding and his new domestic vegetarian, and Merlin is still up against it with the family’s disruptive snacking workflow. John has follow-up on Merlin’s other program and his recent foray into Instagram. The fretfulness of preparing kid lunches and getting hair brushed is discussed. This week’s main topic finds John interrogating Merlin about the ***germophobia threat model***. Merlin tries to distinguish his carefulness from a three-letter condition, and John reminds us why he doesn’t make lists. Also, how hard is it to just pick up the phone and make a call? It’s not that hard. (_Recorded on Tuesday, May 29, 2018._)

This week kicks off with a main topic: ***Kid Independence Projects***. Merlin is trying a new thing, and John admits that he’s *pan-fretful*. What kind of stuff do you undertake to encourage your kids’ independence and responsibility? What about the fires and the knives? Merlin is proud when his daughter deceives him, but John’s a little disappointed with his kid’s failure to cover her tracks. Can you even **imagine** your kid having to go to church? In follow-up, John updates us on how his beloved TV fared during the sleepover dance party. Merlin shudders to recall the unbelievable tween drama of a very large sleepover. Merlin was hoping John had forgotten he’d agreed, out of nowhere, to definitely watch _Millennium Actress_. Would you like to speculate as to whether John remembered? Merlin confesses his Broadway kick. John interrogates Merlin’s sleep and napping habits, then reveals what would happen if he had a week at home alone. Merlin shares an unexpected side-gift of the Kid Independence Project, and both hosts continue to embarrass their daughters very deeply.

This week kicks off punctually, with some follow-up from John on Destiny 2 users getting more vault space to hold all their stuff. Why not 3000 slots? Who even knows? Merlin confesses that he’s terrible at controlling his PlayStation and extolls the magic and perplexity of *Movies Anywhere*. Siri control of Apple TV is discussed. In more official follow-up, John has updates on the systematic **_chair cleansing_** at his office. John has a rooting interest in the last rebel chair, and Merlin wonders if John’s maybe thinking about it a little too much. John also updates us on the status of ***his peckerhead***. Merlin is happy to hear John checked out _Monster Factory_ but continues to be sad that the McElroys aren’t John’s cup of comedy tea. Other homework is reviewed. Next up comes a short and mostly spoiler-free discussion of the movie, **_Isle of Dogs_**. John’s curious what Merlin thought was so kid-unfriendly about it, and Merlin obliges, albeit with important additional details. _The Fantastic Mr. Fox_ is lauded. Merlin thinks six podcasts is too much podcast, and John says that’s nothing compared to real performers. For some reason, _Les Miz_ keeps coming up, and Merlin endorses the comedy of John Mulaney. This week’s main topic is tricky to label, but let’s call the jumping-off point, ***Millenials and Quality***. Does curating the stories about one’s possessions potentially represent a subtle generational divide? Merlin has a young and cockamamie theory about why younger people obsess about coffee and backpacks, and John notes that everybody used to keep their houses way nicer. John struggles to identify the things he doesn’t know he doesn’t care about, and Merlin finds portent in his Grandmother’s biannual stripe of cleanliness. Things wrap with John’s concerns for his television in the presence of dancing, and news is shared about a family member’s bold new dietary declaration. (_Recorded on Tuesday, May 8, 2018._)

This week, John and Merlin come in _hot_ with an accidental main topic: ***punctuality***. Is punctuality important, and how much tardiness can we abide from our pals and business associates? Merlin wonders if _expecting_ punctuality might be a form of privilege, and John has strong feelings about the police, just in general. In follow-up, Merlin clarifies where you can listen to that Simpsons episode of _The Incomparable_, then applauds Jason Snell's editing skills and suggests ways to give other podcasts your money. John still can't get into the McElroys, and this continues to break Merlin's heart. John says Merlin continues to make fun of him wrong. John also has remarks and some follow-up on Merlin's co-host from another program. Merlin takes his sleeping pill, then John has some important updates on the return of his chimney's ***avian peckerhead***. John still lives in a drum, and Merlin thinks it's time to deploy a reconnaissance drone. John still really, really doesn't want to fall off his roof. Voice-controlled devices are further discussed, but not in a way that will prevent John from saving his best stuff for his more popular program, which used to be about cars. Merlin takes off the gloves to talk turkey about the state of the Apple ecosystem, and John wonders if our nerd complaints are complaints you'd *only* ever hear from nerds. John answers a portentous final question from Merlin. (_Recorded on Tuesday, April 24, 2018._)

This week’s episode has _lots_ of really good follow-up. Follow-up on accents, Face ID, how Roderick records, and Merlin’s new internet friend. John provides much-requested follow-up on Twitter’s recently announced changes. This leads to a broader discussion of free speech and platform ownership. John and Merlin embarrass their families, fret about Disney, and talk about some excellent Simpsons lines. Combed, biscuits, chicken, yellow, mailman…very good. (_Recorded on Tuesday, April 9, 2018._)

This week, things kick into gear quickly with a mini-topic about ***Instagram***. Why isn’t Merlin on it, and why does John like it so much? John likes it as a refreshing break from word things, but Merlin still thinks there are too many hashtags and birds on wires. Merlin really misses the salad days of Flickr, but of course John derails it to yet another goof on Merlin’s pronunciation. And, then, the boys are on to accents. _‘Ello, guv’na!_ Next, your hosts wind back around to the occasional topic of ***celebrity relationships***. Merlin thinks he could be friends with a given minor celebrity, and, unsurprisingly, John balks. John and Merlin acknowledge and explore their different brands of crippling self-doubt. In something like a main topic, your hosts talk about ***Facebook***. Schadenfreude aside, Merlin struggles with why anyone is still there, while John’s not so sure some people will ever leave. Finally, your hosts ruefully wonder when they'll know it's time to walk away from the services they _do_ like. (_Recorded on Tuesday, March 20, 2018._)

This week’s first mini-topic concerns ***John's office chair***. Honestly, why can't people just leave John's chair alone? Why always with the moving and the replacing? A chair is a very personal thing, and John likes his chair. So, what, now he has to get a bike lock or something? Merlin wonders if the form is actually hooked up to anything, and John thinks Merlin's cat looks like a towel. The second mini-topic gives Merlin the opportunity to blow off some steam about ***FaceID***. Merlin wonders if he is the only person with a problematic face, and John thinks Merlin might be razzle-dazzled. Cool AR demos are briefly considered. In an accidental mini-topic, your hosts talk about ***the importance of hot food***. Don't they know how they hurt Daddy's heart? Appropriate deployment of the InstantPot is discussed. This week's main topic concerns ***The Oscars*** and the general phenomenon of industry award shows. What makes us get into these things, and who do we pull for? Who deserves an overdue Consolation Oscar, and why were 90s movies so weirdly unenduring? Merlin thinks of _Avatar_ like The Silence, and John has strong opinions about who gets overlooked. Merlin's relieved John is not his Dad, and John proudly utilizes every part of the star range. (_Recorded on Tuesday, March 13, 2018._)

This week kicks off with a return to an old chestnut: _Twitter_. John doesn’t want too many things to check, and Merlin finds some therapy. The distinction of the “muffle” is highlighted. This week’s mini-topic concerns the ***new Google Calendar UI***. Merlin thinks there’s just too much clicking, and John would like some better information density. The influence of old Mac habits is explored, leading to a nostalgic visit to the bygone, halcyon days of using a Macintosh. The sad and downward history of TV interactions also comes up. John wonders why intertitles make typey noises, and Merlin has no problem identifying LONDON. In an unintentional mini-topic, your hosts talk about ***kids going to camp*** and wonder about the unintended consequences, both positive and negative. Merlin thinks about everything as a project, and John has updates on Daisy, who is increasingly going rogue. For something like a main topic, things turn to ***trying to talk to kids about…stuff***. A _Predestination_-style thought experiment is considered. (_Recorded on Monday, February 26, 2018._)

This week kicks off with recalibrating some expectations and repeatedly clicking some buttons. Merlin likes dog shopping and dislikes that dumb Winston Churchill movie. In follow-up, John scores a monarchical point to listener, "`swilliams`," and Merlin likes Parliamentary questions. In an accidental nano-topic, your hosts discuss the decline of **Shame**. In further follow-up, John has some more tips on getting the lyrics right. In this week’s mini-topic, John has some pointed questions about Merlin’s quote-unquote **Caffeine Addiction**. Is Merlin a Fake Migraine Girl? John still doesn’t like coffee, and Merlin is weirdly protective about his eyeglasses. Much like the great John Hurt. This leads to a broader discussion of addiction, focusing on how smoking used to be much more of a thing. Pivoting off of Merlin’s obsession with infrastructure, John throws a very large piece of very red meat on the table: **What If Productivity, but Too Much?** In the pursuit of efficiency and professional development, how do you know when you’ve gone too far? And what are the downsides when you do? (_Recorded on Tuesday, January 30, 2018._)

This week kicks off with John tweaking his settings and then slides into a quick tour of some cool commands that a lot of veteran Mac users don't know about. John's not looking for thanks; he's just making a point. Merlin observes that the commands are in his fingers, not his brain. Some follow-up commences, covering scoot-scoots, _Patriot_, potential topics, and, of course, Aimee Mann. Merlin's niece joins an all-star cast dressed as a vulva. John endorses a recent _Flop House_ episode, but Merlin still doesn't understand what constitutes "spookily good-bad." Even though no one asked, Merlin explains how great Genesis used to be. In an accidental mini-topic, your hosts wonder whether _Free to Be You and Me_ is now "problematic." Can babies even be racist? Merlin has thoughts on the Overton Window and what feels special about The Moment. John has questions about pronunciation that may have troubling implications. This week's broad-ranging main topic is ***Lyrics***. John wonders how many people care about the words as much as he does, and Merlin considers what happened when Lisa met Chelsea at the knocking school. How does your experience of a tune evolve when you not only learn the _actual lyrics_ but the _actual story_? Why are so many of the songs with gay characters so moving? Merlin blows smoke up Roderick's lyrical skirt, and John finally unwinds the storied tale of his early-internet lyrics site. Which was the only correct lyrics site. (_Recorded on Tuesday, January 30, 2018._)

This week kicks off with Daisy making a run for it and pretty much everything being Merlin’s fault. Merlin gets mobbed up in a terrible app, and John considers funding a big, beautiful fence. This week’s mini-topic finds John _voir-diring_ Merlin about his weird new means of transportation. Merlin just wants us to explore our options, but John is skeptical about how it’d perform in bitter east coast climes. John wonders about all the city spikes, and Merlin endorses knife videos. After firing off the horn at `1:02:19`, your hosts dive into a Spoiler Slot on the Amazon Prime Video series, _Patriot_. (_Recorded on Monday, January 15, 2018._)

This week kicks off with follow-up on _The Barkley Marathons_ and the totally bananas mental and physical capacity of endurance athletes. Your hosts dive into an accidental mini-topic on ***the art of podcast titles and show notes***. Merlin tries really hard, but John knows he can always do better. The next mini-topic ends up being about who gets each of your hosts ***feeling starstruck***. Merlin meets (yet) more of John’s heroes, and John’s not loving it. John isn’t sure what he has to say to anyone anyway, and Merlin tries to make the case for wholesomeness. John still has a little problem, but he’s working on it. In this week's Spoiler Slot (starting at **`1:04:39`**), your hosts discuss ***The Last Jedi***. (_Recorded on Tuesday, January 2, 2018._)

This week kicks off with some talk about a recent Holiday Party and a rumination from Merlin on why people like podcasts. Quick follow-up on kids and passwords yields to a resigned shrug about the seemingly impossible epistemology of children’s anecdotes. John worries about Merlin’s office and offers some new notes on his pronunciation. This leads to an unintentional mini-topic on ***kids’ toys***. John’s wife has found a new way to buy toys, and Merlin makes the case for the raw power of Lady Train. Quick ideas for charitable giving are shared, and the phenomenon of the Very Special Episode is discussed. Merlin wonders if people have always been so tribal, and John has a theory. John, perhaps unsurprisingly, does not trust machines to do his blocking for him. After firing off the spoiler horn at `1:27:12`, your hosts enter the Spoiler Slot to talk about a remarkable documentary called ***The Barkley Marathons***. (_Recorded on Tuesday, December 19, 2017._)

This week kicks off with some discussion of humidity, noisy clothing, an attempted delivery, and that whole ongoing “are flats a thing?” debate. Under protest, Merlin is persuaded by John to discuss a recent acquisition of new technology. Merlin thinks security is a little like a mall, and John gauges success by a relative dearth of complaints. The pronunciation of “aunt” is discussed. In a mini-topic, John has some things to say about ***garlic***. Merlin’s convenience cubes are explored, while John shares several ways to leverage and deploy this pungent treat. The complex relationship between children and garlic is appraised. This week’s main topic goes into ***kids and security***. Or, more specifically, what kids learn (or don’t) about password hygiene and the broader landscape of basic InfoSec. Merlin is at the end of his rope, while John declares that no system is good. Are schools missing an opportunity to model better behavior when it comes to using devices? How even could you teach kids _why_ they can’t use the cat’s name as a password? Will they end up just reverting to the mean, such as it is? Things wrap with some spoiler-free TV talk. Both of your hosts enjoy that cowboy show with the lady from _Downtown Abbey_. (_Recorded on Tuesday, December 5, 2017._)

This week kicks off with the traditional monthly discussion of Skype. Even as John disallows another word from the program, Merlin tries to explain the intricate interplay between all the great shows. Your hosts agree there are too many services they pay for and that credit cards are annoying. In a lively mini-topic, John brings up **teaching kids to cook**. How do you prepare your progeny for eventually feeding themselves? Merlin feels like he missed a window, and John couldn’t opt out of _Home Ec_. Merlin finds kids un-persuadable, and John shares his household edict on dealing with the perception of childhood injustice. Sometimes, you gotta know when to adjust the shower curtain. For this week’s main topic (and Spoiler Slot), we find **Merlin playing _The Last of Us_**. This one’s too good to spoil, but, suffice it to say, John declares it’s a very hard game, while Merlin still hasn’t even learned how to use a ladder. (Caution: the spoiler horn for _The Last of Us_ fires off at `1:18:45`) (_Recorded on Tuesday, November 21, 2017._)

This week kicks off with Merlin having a rare on-air beverage to celebrate, but not too many, unless he feels like it. John helps Merlin remember some things that he couldn't remember he’d forgotten. Luckily, we record this program. John thinks the water fountain story has been robbed of its power, and Merlin learns that cornhole is real. John tackles the first of several unfounded points about himself, but Merlin still thinks John is arbitrary. Britishisms are debated. This leads to a nostalgic visit to The Early Internet and a recollection of how each of your hosts chose to roll with signatures and sign-offs and whatnot. John employs a little dash, and Merlin apologizes for trying to digitally impress a celebrity. He is _the worst_. The stern admonishments continue as John lashes Merlin for not making Max buy a new phone differently. John prefers to stay in his bathrobe since they usually come in the morning. Excitingly, new iPhones are discussed. Merlin lashes himself for accidentally stepping on John’s Full Media Blackout. In his defense, he was cooking tofu a new way at the time. John reminds us that he can erase memories from his mind. _Thor: Ragnarok_ is lightly discussed. Merlin’s sweet precious angel made another doodle in her bastik and seems to be warming up to her little kennel. Unsurprisingly, John has notes. The first mini-topic is ***hot dogs***. Yes. Hot dogs. So, for a while, your hosts talk about hot dogs kind of a lot. Remember: you are paying NOTHING for this content. Your hosts tread lightly through the minefield of ***primary school culture celebrations***. Merlin has a terrible time coming up with memorable ancestral garb, and John has concerns about how well the factual roots of a given family tree will play with ten-year-olds. Merlin flatly refuses to apologize about macaroni and cheese. Hot dogs are further discussed. In what ends up being a main topic, John wants to address why Merlin is so ***steamed about Steam***. The balance of the episode finds your hosts arguing about passwords, security, paranoia, and what we should do when confronted with two text fields and a button.

This week, John drives, and Merlin leads from behind. Your hosts are pretty sure they remember talking about having trouble remembering whether they’ve talked about memory before, but no way does that stop them from taking their deepest dive yet into the many troubles with human memory. Or, at least it’s the deepest dive that they can remember taking. _For now_. Anyway. This leads to an exploration of cognitive tricks and the potentially narrow line between **science and balderdash**. How even will we solve this rebus? Should it have been a nice top hat instead? And, how do we feel about medical(-ish) health panaceæ that _may_ work but no one really knows why? Merlin has a long history of cockamamie, and John fervently hopes that he only ever develops problems Real Science understands. The contemporary bugaboo of **gluten and its ilk** are discussed and argued by both anecdote and analogy. Elaine looks like she put on five, ten pounds. Then arrive many mini-topics. There’s some follow-up and further clarification on **Merlin’s Fancy New TV** which leads to some YouTube talk and consideration of how these youths today consume media. Next up, the boys talk about **misheard lyrics** and score the results of a recent private argument about same. John really prefers the slam dunk when he can get it. Merlin can't even remember which songs he couldn't remember the lyrics to. (Again with the memory.) Confessions about other embarrasing things they never knew are revealed. Merlin thinks he's a little too left-brained, and John's not having this terrible mnemonic. Beloved **nineties comedy programs** are recalled with fondness. This pivots to some talk about, of all things, **podcasts**, and Merlin gets a little wispy talking about a program he really misses doing. John reveals that he has finally capitulated and listened to Merlin's actual favorite podcast. No spoilers, but you will learn what happened when John got up on this sauce doctor's blessing with his *dog tongue*. John dissects The Original Peaches' recent guest appearance by Mr. Jordan. Merlin reiterates how much he hates comedy podcasts. Things wrap with John's concerns about **Roderick's tech world**. Merlin tries to defend himself, but John's concerns about Roderick seem to just expand. Fight fight fight. Bite bite bite. It's *The Reconcilable Differences Show*. (_Recorded on Tuesday, October 24, 2017._)

This week kicks off with Merlin’s Bon Jovi snobbery and John’s concerns about Bono. The excellent _Vietnam War_ series is discussed and mutually endorsed. With the overdue return of Ordinary Time, your hosts cover some exciting Nest IQ Cam follow-up and debate face recognition in the macOS Photos app. There’s some worrisome follow-up on those iOS password pop-ups and how they could potentially be exploited by ne’er-do-wells. Merlin gives Jeremy five stars, which (eventually) segues into this week’s main topic, ***Automated Systems***. Specifically, the ones that Merlin thinks create way more work than they save. John says it’s just shotgun spray and probably not a big deal. Merlin’s not having it and still feels scared to check into a hotel. What algorithm makes the system freak out? Your hosts crave an interaction model even CGP Grey could love. This week’s B story is ***Merlin’s New TV***. After initially telling John the wrong model (oops), your hosts dive into this new world of 4K and Ultra HD. Cables are rerouted, adapters are installed, and gyroscopes are slowly mastered. John is still holding out, and, oy vey, all these wires and bars! The whites are **so** white! (_Recorded on Tuesday, October 10, 2017._)

This week kicks off with a meander through Skype avatars, back-to-school night, and personal metadata quirks. Merlin feels bad about getting a new TV, and John assures him it probably won’t be terrible. On separate occasions, John and Merlin both demonstrate a lot of restraint. Merlin apparently doesn’t know how to (not) turn off his PlayStation, so John walks him through it. Paul’s in the basement, Sahm’s on the roof, and Merlin doesn’t even know how to make fun of John to his satisfaction. Typical. Your hosts accidentally discuss tech, John provides a sitrep on his mouse offensive, and Merlin admits grudging admiration for his sugar ants. John’s dog has a regression, and Merlin’s cat costs him _another_ grand. The main topic this week is ***Twitter***. Your hosts discuss their following decisions, their bespoke mute and block strategies, and some of the Sisyphean methods for trying to stay out of a canoe. Merlin feels bad about lots of things, but John ain’t no follow-back girl. Merlin says handle does not equal-equal person, and John thinks celebrities don’t actually read their timelines. Merlin responds to the Republican candidate’s texts, and nobody texts John hardly at all. Who’s Holden Caulfield _now_? Things wrap with the airing of grievances about children and their terrible habits. John’s son has excellent hair. (_Recorded on Tuesday, September 19, 2017._)

This week kicks off with dives into religious time, talking like a wizard, kid manners, and the times your hosts did and mostly did not get recognized. *Google me!* John gets hung up on Merlin’s avatar choices, and both hosts get Happy-Go-Jackie on the junkiness of Apple’s Mac apps. John’s kid made a comic, and Merlin has some diminished expectations for his Cat Lady and her van. Then, there’s an improbable amount of _Seinfeld_ discussion. Main topic this week is **Household Pests**. The gloves are off as extreme measures are employed to deal with John’s mouse invaders. So much for that vegetarian snake and all the sickening fraud and malfeasance of the Big Extermination industry. It’s not pretty, and it won’t be popular, but nobody loves seeing a mouse in the house. Brace yourself for extensive mouse lore and the eldritch contents of John’s tentpole. (_Recorded on Tuesday, September 5, 2017._)

This week kicks off with some Daisy updates and surprisingly deep dives into online banana quizzes and proper application of The Bristol Scale. Merlin hates having a freezer full of fruit, and John has frankly had it with all the Britishisms. Merlin kindly offers to buy John a new dingus, and John demurs with extreme prejudice. Moving onto John’s doggy spy camera, your hosts find much to dislike about many IoT devices. John reviews Merlin’s recent Amazon review and schools him on how to avoid creaming his audio the next time his Mac wants to die. Why do kids just talk into the air, and since when did blindly issuing commands to Dad become such a thing? I’m ***in the BATHROOM.*** Lacking time for a Big Topic, the boys talk more about webcam stress, smoke detector travails, and what a monstrous parent one would have to be to let their kid know about _The Flop House_. Aloha.

This week kicks off with some travel woes, news stress, and how Merlin is laboring to save “Planty.” John learns his concerns about Merlin’s multitasking afternoon bath habits were well-founded. The beauty of non-obvious movie effects and CGI are lauded. This week’s main topic is ***Mid-Life Crisis***. What even is it? How do you know if you’re having one, and how many will there be? How come there’s so few movies about women going through this? John dings Merlin for yucking on Red Corvette Guy’s yum. There’s some spirited discussion of power ballads and soaring hard rock opera. 'Cause nothin' lasts forever—even cold November rain. At about `1:44:49`, your hosts retire to the Spoiler Slot for (yes, *finally*) a look back at _The Leftovers_ Season 3. They remember some of what happened and even some of the order in which it happened. What was so exhilarating and so frustrating and so ultimately satisfying about this very weird show? Stick around after the end for some insight into how even John’s estimable Terminal skills couldn’t save the first hour of Merlin’s audio. So it goes. (_Recorded on Tuesday, August 15, 2017._)

This _double wraparound_ episode kicks off with updates on John’s ongoing struggle with Daisy’s potty habits. Merlin tries to help, but John suffers neither his analogy nor his blatant Male Answer Syndrome. Merlin still thinks John may be a doggie racist. Further, few differences are reconciled in debating which are the best <abbr title="Marvel Cinematic Universe">MCU</abbr> movies. Merlin’s daughter goes to theme camps, and John pushes back on assuming how much stuff in movies is intentional. Conspiracy theories around _The Shining_ are discussed. Gold? Mirrors? Goofy? Are you _getting_ this? After teasing a long-overdue Spoiler Slot (that never ends up actually happening), your hosts wonder whether every working actor in the U.K. will eventually be on _Doctor Who_. This week’s main topic concerns ***Liking Things to Be a Certain Way***. Coats, backpacks, FUNtainers™, and doll shoes all have their place, so why is it so hard to keep them there? Preferences for Mac configuration are explored at length, and no, you can’t see their desktops. John says he needs more bulwarks, and Merlin doesn’t disagree. Your hosts wrap by considering how individual perceptions and personal hang-ups divide family and other stakeholders. (_Recorded on Thursday, July 19, 2017._)

This week kicks off with Merlin walking John through his exciting new nap workflow. John has significant safety concerns. In dog news, it seems Daisy has discovered toilet paper. This week’s accidental main topic finds your hosts ending up talking _a lot_ about ***80s Music***. Why are all the lyrics sites wrong? U2 vs. R.E.M.? How even would you make a radio mixtape? Is it really just a matter of trust? The more on-purpose main topic is ***Taking Care of Things***. How did John get so careful with his stuff, and what exactly *would* happen if water dribbled on Merlin’s signed _FF_ #1 with baby variant cover? Should spilt milk make anyone cry, and why is there rice **everywhere**? The TV has a three-foot perimeter, but the plastic runner has been taken up for one day, because Jesus. (_Recorded on Thursday, July 11, 2017._)

This week kicks off with thoughts on breaking-in new stuff, a tutorial on washing blue jeans, and, regrettably, the official retirement of Barrel Week. Eighties comedies are _problematic_, Richard Dawson had a pretty sweet mic, and our calendars are still **such** a mess. John’s got beef with deliberately-distressed stuff, Merlin commits to a new lifestyle, and John helps you find photos of his dog. John also provides encouraging updates in Dog Follow-Up. Merlin wonders why all schools smell like boy pee. This week’s main topic is all about ***Full Media Blackout***. Todd is heavily credited with originating the term, which describes the ultimate no-spoiler, zero-information lockdown to which one may wish to commit in the run-up to the release of new media. What even is FMB, why would you do it, and how do you choose which stuff gets the total treatment? Just as important, how far will _you_ go to stay unspoiled? Things wrap with a quick cut at ***Things That Need to Leave the House***. You know that sideboard, those baby shoes, and all the rock ‘n roll t-shirts? Gone. Out. Done-zo. You must reverse the flow diagram! (_Recorded on Thursday, July 6, 2017._)

This week kicks off with some discussion of Yakov Smirnoff’s beard, why Merlin wants to buy a drill, and how John feels a little vindicated about his read of _Fight Club_. In follow-up, John catches us up on how things went after his wife listened to the house duties episode. Merlin just wants to be loved, and John just isn’t sold on the benefits of being a _no-shoe household_. This week’s mini-topic concerns John’s fraught relationship with a noisy summer appliance. You just need to get something meaty in there. The main topic focuses on a new addition to House Siracusa. No spoilers, but it’s a pee-poop-nipping machine and a sweet precious angel. John admits to an awkward expression of casual doggie racism, and Merlin apparently measures difficulty with barre chords. (_Recorded on Tuesday, June 20, 2017._)

In this wraparound episode, your hosts kick off with follow-up on _Arrival_ (no spoilers) and why John gets sad when people don’t listen to the program. Merlin has questions about YouTube influences and quickly forgets John is on The Incomparable. Do dogs like NPR, and how would we even know? Can you please turn the TV off, _please_? George is getting angry! John’s bird seems to be moving further away, and no wrist rockets have been acquired. A strict edict on choosing an internet handle is mutually ratified, and John addresses WWDC as-a-thing. (You should have called in during the PIXAR episode.) The main topic this week is ***Housework and House Duties***, which John quickly persuades Merlin is, indeed, a trap. One-hundred percent fraught. What do you do around the house, what are you good at, and what do you like or dislike? John wants a pie graph and then receives one in real time. John’s kid transport duties thread a needle, Merlin is awesome at drawing a bath, and both hosts obsess over the heat and timeliness of their meals. John laments water management, Merlin enjoys wearing headphones, and John sleepily struggles with the morning sandwich detail. Anyway. Please remember to like and subscribe. (_Recorded on Tuesday, May 29, 2017._)

This week kicks off with some follow-up on John’s bird-enemy and why a person would ever eat popcorn with a spoon. A (spoiler-free) check-in with _The Leftovers_ Season 3 leads to a further discussion of trailers, recaps, and…spoilers. Your hosts address their approaches to “His ‘n Hers” media consumption, and the joys of watching closely. The main topic this week is ***PIXAR***. Specifically, your hosts react to a recent article on whether Disney has “ruined” PIXAR, then proceed with candid opinions on whether or how House Mouse might influence House Luxo. (_Recorded on Tuesday, May 23, 2017_)

Follow-up kicks off with Merlin’s iMac repair and why it’s fun to buy things with your phone. Strategies for tricking kids into watching media are explored, and John talks about why he’s still a TiVo man. _Engadget_ hangs John’s Mac. Merlin bemoans point-of-sale systems, and John provides important corrections from his wife on that weird metal Visa card he got. Merlin updates us on some unusual tech support for January’s #grassfed bag of blood incident, John struggles with getting logged-in, and then the blood bag gets a surprising Turns Out twist. In this week’s accidental main topic, John addresses **his new bird-enemy** and the Wile E. Coyotean lengths to which his desperation with living in a drum may drive him. Things wrap up with John’s fond memories of _This Old House_, alongside his variety of interactions with the program’s TV-famous craftspeople. (_Recorded on Tuesday, May 9, 2017._)

This week, John and Merlin fret about their kids’ health and inherited emotional baggage. Merlin fails at becoming Sisyphus, while John is pessimistic about keeping anything in pairs. John shares his recent experience at a concert by his celebrity crushes, Aimee Mann and Jonathan Coulton. Jonathan gets dressy, and Aimee receives an important message from the Ancient Bird. Finally, talk turns to travel, with both of your hosts having recently returned from time away from home. John shares tales from his first extracontinental journey, including miles of walking, weird money, and a dramatic run-in with airport adhesives. (_Recorded Tuesday, April 25, 2017_)

This week, Merlin helps a friend and John disallows an awkward neologism. John wonders who refills the store-smell machine. John surprises Merlin by (finally) watching the film, _Les Misérables_, and shares his impressions. What works, what doesn’t, and why does the sewer need to be so sewery? In a surprisingly robust main topic, John recalls his youth spent playing handball and many other New York street games that Merlin had assumed were just made up. Dodgeball is debated, Merlin shares his very very sad homemade games, and John reluctantly learns about stolen valor and the people who pretend to be cops. Less surprisingly, there’s some important Follow-Up on…Follow-Up. John revisits the provenance of his invention and its legacy, and reveals a double-turns-out about the role Merlin’s bit may unintentionally play in ensuring its proper credit. Merlin just wishes everyone could be happy with how everybody already likes them, but John makes sure Merlin’s week in the barrel includes some candid feedback from listeners. Finding themselves suddenly short on time, your hosts talk about Merlin’s recent acquisition of a MacBook Adorable and why it can sometimes be so danged hard to recommend Apple products. John looks at the background of photos, star-effs with a showrunner, and explains why he documented his withdrawal of a very nice gift to The Original Peaches. (_Recorded on Tuesday, April 11, 2017._)

This week kicks off with John analyzing Merlin’s various mouth noises, self-styled music cues, and personal sound effects. Both hosts get songs stuck in their heads. John lays a trap for Merlin, and Merlin shares an important new dream with the Ancient Bird. At length, your hosts get a little meta, with follow-up on things Merlin still hasn’t watched. Many mini topics are considered, discussed, and/or discarded, but what John wants—what’s most important to him—is that Merlin just pick one damned topic already. This week’s main topic is ***Follow-Up***. John has strong feelings about properly crediting the provenance of this segment, and, honestly, he really asks for so little in life. This leads to a discussion of how one’s ideas often develop a life of their own. Credit is also reassigned for things your hosts didn’t _actually_ invent. General-purpose strategies for the proper deployment of bits is discussed. Things wrap up with a meditation on Aimee Mann, the layers of performance, plus an important adjustment to Merlin’s ongoing directive for eventually introducing John to famous people. _Recorded on Tuesday, March 21, 2017. Many thanks to Jim Metzendorf for editing this episode!_

This week kicks off with John talking about the new Zelda game alongside thoughts on what it takes to keep a franchise great. In follow-up, John addresses online angst and agita about the recent discussion of _Arrival_. Next up, Merlin gets his time in the barrel as John disabuses him of his self-styled situation as "the dumb one." Merlin tries gamely to change the subject to how status works in improv, but finds his knife further sharpened in the bargain. Your hosts reluctantly accept that their college friends may no longer be 19. At 1:17:17, we turn to the Spoiler Slot, featuring that long-teased discussion of the whackadoo Netflix series, _The OA_ (as well as passing references to _Sound of My Voice_). Then (**then!**), at 2:11:15, we have an unprecedented _second_ Spoiler Slot for follow-up forensic analysis of _Arrival_. (_Episode recorded Tuesday, March 14, 2017_)

Merlin admits to almost watching something on TV and encourages John to talk him out of buying a new laptop. John has concerns about dander diamonds, and Merlin briefs John on the mechanics of modern version control. This week’s first topic is **self-driving cars** and how soon they’re likely to be ready, as they say, for prime time. John cannily revisits his Parameters of the World and, no, he doesn’t need your damned telemetry. Later, you'll find The Spoiler Slot filled with a spoiler-heavy discussion of the 2016 movie, ***Arrival***. If you haven’t seen the film yet, be sure to bail out before the spoiler horn is deployed at (1:13:13). [Watch it. It’s good.] Merlin pulls a pretty dramatic turnaround but still has some beefs, while John has very strong opinions about whether one character might be a monster. Merlin has no difficulty choosing the saddest line in the movie. (_Recorded on Tuesday, February 28, 2017_)

This week, things open with a shockingly thorough discussion of chickens that somehow pivots to Costco caskets, TV buying decisions, Merlin's increasingly strange pronunciations, and John’s reluctant agreement to become a cron job. Follow-up covers John finding those charts about global living conditions and Merlin finally figuring out how to remember the name of that one song. There's a fair amount of memory talk, including more explorations of John's perpetual memory doubts and mistrust, plus, Merlin introduces another one of his “runx” files. Main topic this week is ***Valentine’s Day***. Why Merlin hates it, and why John thinks it has its purposes. Why is tonight’s Holy Day of Obligation different from all others, and why exactly did John have a mat? (_Recorded on Tuesday, February 14, 2017_)

This week starts off ignominiously, with John and Merlin both not remembering several things. Merlin proposes *The File Card Effect*, and John knows not to be too smart when searching Google. John celebrates the proper use of Title Case, while Merlin frets over wearing his memories down to a nub. Mini-topic this week is Merlin’s latest fraught and stressful experience on jury duty (yes, again). John *voir dires* Merlin about his eligibility and poor continence, and Merlin introduces John to how one anxiously, tentatively chooses to play The C.G.P. Grey Card. Main topic this week is **John's Cautious Tech Optimism**. How does John see technology's role in potentially bringing out our better angels? Why is dystopian sci-fi so depressingly myopic? How much does technology ever really change human nature? And what hinders a culture from doing a more ambitious job of yoking technology to the problems it might be great at addressing? (_Recorded on Monday, January 31, 2017_)

This week, it doesn't take long to get deep in the stack on texting people in the same room, John's take on pound-sign hashtags, and the location of Merlin's missing meat. The mini-topic this week is **tattoos**. Specifically, why Merlin has developed such strong feelings about tattoos, plus John's vision of a world free of theoretical tattoo discrimination. For the main topic, your hosts address **Money on the Internet**. How have technological and cultural changes altered our idea about what's valuable and how much people are willing to pay for it? What happens when VCs are mostly investing in other VCs? How come Lucky Smells Lumbermill pays its employees in coupons? And, is there a company out there that could provide us one-millionth of the web ads while getting paid to protect our data? John takes pity on The Algorithm. (_Recorded on Monday, January 16, 2017_)

This week, John won’t talk about his job, Merlin has jury duty (yes, *again*), and your hosts do some follow-up on documentaries. The disappearing of classic episodes of older PBS shows is lamented. The main topic this week is **Dad Stuff**. Dad Jokes, Dad Hats, and Dad…everything. In particular, when did Dad Jokes become a thing, and exactly what part of that label is supposed to be so bad and insulting? John finds a lot to like about true Dad humor, while Merlin finds himself overwhelmed by a rapidly-widening aperture. Following a bracing blast by an increasingly contextual spoiler horn (1:25:58), John and Merlin float into the epic, three-to-five-dimensional world of Christopher Nolan's 2014 science fiction epic, *Interstellar*. (_Recorded on Tuesday, January 3, 2017_)

This week, Merlin introduces John to a thriving culture of internet busybodies. What happens when we’re only ever exposed to people who look or think like we do? What would we do with free access to an all-you-can-eat Fun Dip buffet? In follow-up, John learns about “Bay Lake,” but badly confuses his celebrity folk heroes. Around a YouTube series Merlin a perimeter creates. Your hosts debate which movies really are mostly terrible. (_Murrrrrph!_) Also, Merlin’s Netflix account gets borrowed for a morning. The main topic this week is _Merlin’s documentary obsession_. Turns out: there are a lot of turns-outs. John and Merlin explore what’s so tantalizing (or off-putting) about some documentary films—as well as the whole genre as a thing. Merlin suggests watching A Meditation on the Possibility of Romantic Love In the South During an Era of Nuclear Weapons Proliferation, and John is very reluctant to recommend 18 hours of New York history. Merlin learns how Jesus died. (_Recorded on Tuesday, December 20, 2016_)

This week kicks off with some contentious claims that Merlin is a crammer and John is a monster. Merlin reminds John that he is out of his depth, and John remembers things. Also, some brief talk on Apple router alternatives and learning to tolerate morning notifications. Lots of follow-up on Free Will, including thoughts on Heisenberg, tail-chasing, and provocative recent scholarship on whether what we see is “reality.” John wants to see more math. A mini-topic spins out of listener feedback: what’s the distinction between being clever versus being smart? This leads to an exploration of humor, creativity, and the attraction of trying to make the right joke at the right time. Around 01:45:00, we fire off the spoiler horn for an extended discussion of season 1 of HBO’s _Westworld_. (_Recorded on Tuesday, December 6, 2016_)

This week, John has follow-up from Jason the Ranger regarding the weird smell in his house. Next up, your hosts have a few quick thoughts on the recent presidential election and the extent to which convincing voters that citrus fruits are bipeds might have changed the outcome. The main topic this week is _**Free Will**_. While Merlin has concerns about bong talk and living in a fingernail, John quickly gets things refocused on people's garden-variety defenses of free will and where they probably come from. Marbles and stars seem to follow mechanistic rules of the universe, but humans sure don't like things being the boss of them. John roughly specs the hardware needed to know everything that's going to happen, and Merlin wonders whether we're maybe a fact and a half from living in a medieval village. Why don't we all just kill each other, and what if no one cared what we wanted in a new Mac? Does it matter whether people believe in free will? John's answer may surprise you (but probably won't). (_Recorded on Monday, November 21, 2016_)

As your hosts brace for the quadrennial U.S. Presidential election (yes, this was recorded the night before), Merlin illuminates the seedy underbelly of YouTube upload workarounds, John says Merlin’s head is definitely getting bigger, and Merlin considers John’s new theory regarding helium and weight loss. Merlin pronounces more things wrong and misses more of John’s references. John shares the mysterious tale of the weird new smell in his house, and Merlin outs himself as a relative humidity nerd and baking soda life hacker. This week’s main topic covers _teaching kids about technology_. When, how, and what should young students learn about computers at school? How far have things come since Merlin’s Business Administration class and the lectures John suffered on RAM vs. ROM? Can a deeper interest in the wild and unexplored possibilities of technology be encouraged amidst the more practical and vocational approach to using today’s computers? Should poets and playwrights encourage their kids’ enthusiasm for coal mining? (_Recorded on Monday, November 7, 2016_)

This week, John has been encouraged to pierce Merlin more, and Merlin still hasn’t watched _Millennium Actress_ (although they offer a helpful listener suggestion on how you can). Your hosts compare how they use Twitter these days and talk about the different ways they deploy the heart icon. They wonder aloud about who actually sees what on Twitter. The main topic this week has Merlin probing John’s thoughts on the idea of a thing being “wrong within normal parameters.” John calls someone a “super doof,” and both hosts share their strategy for not ending up on a desert island. For the conclusion of the episode, (after about `1:14:19`), the spoiler horn is fired off for a discussion of the controversial Season 7 premiere of _The Walking Dead_. (_Recorded on Tuesday, October 25, 2016_)

This week, John and Merlin reminisce about the Flowbee, sea monkeys, and the alternately disappointing and satisfying quality of the action figures in their youth. Merlin briefly impersonates Dan Moren and shares that his iPhone activation problems were not unique. John conclusively demonstrates the _mini_ ways that Merlin can’t hear himself pronouncing everything wrong and bemoans the travails of jumbled Contacts syncing. The main topic this week is _whether we’re living in a simulation_ (and how we’d know it). This leads to a spirited tour of scientific methodology and why it so often _turns out_ that some things don’t…turn out. Is coffee killing us, saving us, or what exactly is the deal here? Your hosts consider the times when it’s useful to question reality, and John still has concerns about smoking. They read and discuss Sylvester Stallone’s mail. (_Recorded on Tuesday, October 11, 2016_)