Rachel Lawson's The Magicians Podcast

The RequiemBlake is dead and his spirit Mortimer the Grim Reaper goes to his own funeral only problem is his drunk. How mad will it get?"Why are you here it is not respectful to the dead or family and friends, Mortimer, you can't be here," said the deadman's best friend to a grim reaper who he knew was the soul of the deadman. "It's my party I can be here, Mass," said the drunk reaper. "You're drunk, you shouldn't come in," said Max Starfire. "I'm not drunk! I didn't know you had a twin?" said the reaper looking at an invisible nonexistent man induced by drink. "I don't I'm an only child," said Max nervously as the reaper pushed passed him. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Behind Blue EyesThe eyes are the mask of Blake the Grim Reaper a story about how hard it is for the Reaper to hide behind Blake the coroner's blue eyes he knows the true name of a corpse in his morgue known only as John Doe but can't reveal it.In walked a policeman in uniform he was puzzled."Were you talking to your friend on the slab's ghost? Did he say who he was?" asked the policeman Blake's great uncle the Magician the Red Fox."Hmm? Of course not!" scoffed Blake."I heard you talking vaguely," said the Fox."I was talking to myself, his soul is gone! Even a great Necromancer can't talk to a soul which is not there he's just a shell," said Blake who was a great necromancer. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It was Blake's least favorite time of the year.His son Lance passed him an envelope he took it with a great lack of enthusiasm."Open it you'll love it," an enthused Lance said.Blake opened it expecting an insult It was."Oh thank you!" said Blake putting on a smile."I knew you'd love it," said Lance smiling."Yeah," said Blake he hated it.It being a picture of Harry Potter's Lord Voldermort in a birthday hat,under the picture, a legend in a black box reading OLDERMORT.It hit Blake like a ton of brick it was his birthday again."Mortimer," said Blake's assistant with another pile of more files for Blake to sign."What is it Dante," Blake said knowing his day would get worse.Dante saw the card and laughed."Mortimer's birthday is it?" he said. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Is anything wrong," Blake asked."Can you please take me to hell!" asked Max."take you to what?" Blake king of the grim reapers laughed."Blue Midnight and the Sun King this is exciting lets go fight crime!" A man in a yellow chicken suit with a mask said like they made his life."Ok, I'll race you there," said Blake seeing the chicken,"Can I join you!" the chicken enthused said.He wanted to be a hero, and chaos followed him. He was a sorcerer who chose not to use magic.the chicken was being beaten by an old lady he crossed the road with."Why did the chicken cross the road!" laughed Max."I wanted to catch that bus leave me alone.." she screamed as she was dragged away from the bus it left when she was taken across the road nearly under a car."Max we better save him from the old lady," Blake said."We'll deal with this chicken, Madam," Blake said dragging the chicken away from the old lady who was still hitting him."Thank you Blue Midnight, that chicken made me miss my bus," she said happy to see him taken away. Max and Blake walked him away. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen It's Christmas again and everything is crazy again and Blake Alexander is suffering from it's madness again the Necromancer gives his dad a present a black T shirt with the Grinch on saying I hate Christmas on it from the Deject shop. Gabriel is giving out cute fuzzy Santa hats again and the hospital is gone mad with Christmas.In the afterlife Blake's boss Argent has decided to bring back the Christmas spirit again with the Jack Skellingtons are making a comeback everywhere. How far will this madness go? Will the police get what they want for Christmas the serial killer the Necromancer's name or will the miss their present the living reaper Mortimer signed seal and delivered to them by Argent himself. "You need Brandy," said Argent making a glass of it appear in his hand and handed it Mortimer. "But I don't drink," said Mortimer. "You can and must it's Christmas," said Argent. "Okay it's your party," said Mortimer, "Salute!" Mortimer said and drank. He ended up in wet Santa suit. "Why are you covered in drink that's not in the spirit of the season," said Argent. "I said I don't drink I'm a skeleton! What did you expect to happen?" Moaned Mortimer. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Not a kids' storyBlake "The Grinch" Alexander is suffering the Christmas blues again as a Santa's helper for a case and his son Lance isn't helping him either.This a dark Santa Christmas story that is not child friendly. The only green monster in this story Is a Christmas tree on the cover.Christmas carols rang around the photo with Santa area a child wandered up to Santa Claus and sat on his lap."What do you want little boy," moaned Santa who sounded like he would rather be somewhere else.Nearby Santa's adult son watched him joyfully."I cannot believe you got Blake playing Santa again he hates Christmas," said Santa's wife Angela to her stepson."It wasn't me It was Argent a Santa in the Santa's agency was murdered. He's undercover as Santa to find the killer," said Santa's son Lance.Lance left his stepmother and walked over to his father shouting "Grinch, are you trying to steal Christmas again?"Santa moaned and tossed off the child ignoring him. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A darkly funny Christmas story.It was a strange day when Blake Alexander found out about this odd case everyone at his hospital wanted to decorate the hospital for Christmas drunk on the Christmas cheer.But that was nothing the reapers were trying to get the afterlife business in line with fate's decree that they celebrate Christmas with reapers collecting people as Santa Clauses which Blake was totally against. To him, it was an anathema. He felt like Scrooge It was getting so Christmasy the people at the hospital had stopped calling him Dr Death on the upside but on the downside they called him the Grinch.He was in a bad mood when he visited the police station which was trimmed for Christmas too. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen," a disembodied voice on the stage of a magic show said, "Abracadabra!" the voice said and the frame of a tall handsome black haired man in a tux and top hat materialized. "I am Blake Fire", a brunette man in a tux and top hat walked on stage "and he Is my assistant Max Starfire!""I am your partner grandead!" Max hissed."Enough Max! I'll sick a vampire hunter on you and your wife the queen of vampires;" Blake snapped back."I thought you loved your granddaughter Blake," Max said as he pulled a rabbit out of a hat."I do but vampires are a pain in the neck!" Blake snapped as he did a rope trick."More Paper work as a coroner with the police and the grim Reaper I suppose!" Max retorted like a barb." Actually yes! The paper work is hell!," Blake said pulling a bunch of flowers out of thin air."I thought so bureaucrat to the last" said Max laughing."Someone has to tidy up the mess you leave behind," Blake said doing a magic trick."Well with out us life would be boring," said Max smiling charmingly.A ghost walked on stage Blake looked frustrated."What the hell this place isn't haunted! Max is this your work!" Blake snapped,"No!" Max said confused."I heard you spoke to the dead so I came!" said the ghost."Great another one what do you want!" Blake grumbled."I hear you know the sorcerer Blake Alexander known as Blue Midnight," the ghost said. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The grim reaper sat drinking a cup of coffee as a man in his office peacefully until his son ran in his office. "Dad you won't believe it the moon has hatched!" The Necromancer shouted. His father choked on his coffee."You alright Dad?" asked Lance worried."Yes, you psycho! The moon did what?" Blake, his dad said to his serial killer son."This is more important than you and me! The moon has hatched It was an egg!" Lance said hardly believing it himself and he saw it with his own eyes."Ok, I'll try to prioritize! What came out a mega space chicken?" asked Blake who was also the emperor of the solar system."If only it was a space chicken!" Lance said sadly."Then what hatched from it?" Ask his father."A giant space locust!" said Lance."Oh no they are world killers, they are worse than you!" said Blake,"They lay eggs in planets!" said Blake standing."Dad I am fate's-" Lance moaned."Assassin!" Blake interrupted."Whatever! We have a solar system to protect!" said Lance." Ok, then come on boy we need to get help," Blake said.They ran out of the office. Through the gates of the other world and into the dimensional portal leading to the Earth and appeared in Blake's backyard. They paused slightly seeing the locust!"Oh my God!" Blake said seeing the giant planet killer. It resembled a praying mantis. "It looks like fate wonder if they're related?" Lance said."Wouldn't surprise me he's insane, sending you off to kill people he doesn't like!" Blake said "I've not seen a space locust before," Blake stood in awe of the beast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr Death the coroner and grim reaper king, his wife and his son a serial killer are superheroes they trying to find another serial killer in a hospital where the Doctor and his wife work. Their son plays bait for the killer who kills magicians. Will they catch the killer or will Dr Death have to take his son to the afterlife? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Game is MurderOne of the magicians joins a TV masked singing contest where the game is murder."Hello I am the Masked Magician I am here to win the Masked Celebrity Singer contest I won't tell you how to do magic but I will enchant you with my voice," said a man in an over-the-top magician's outfit who looked quite handsome with his black and white tux in his hand a rosebud on a long stem on his face a mask which accentuated his good looks."Now to the show our first mystery who is the Masked Magician,"Blake appeared on the stage out of thin air."And how to make him disappear," muttered Lance walking off stage. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Main narrator the author and Alexa played by Addison Fell.The day began like most others. Blake Alexander yawned as he got ready for work at Charing Cross Hospital. Where he was the coroner in charge of the morgue.His wife was on holiday without him in America so it would be lonely at work.He heard the doorbell and dashed to answer the door.He found at it a slightly nervous man a Postman."Hello," Blake said wondering why he was nervous."Here is a letter for you sir," said the postman, "please don't take my life yet I have some paperwork to do. It's my will."Blake laughed."You're alright man I don't take the living," said Blake."I need a signature for the letter," the postman said.Blake signed for the letter and took it inside to read.To Blake's surprise, it wasn't addressed to him."It must be a prank!" He thought. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Coroner Blake is interviewed on a tv show about murder, and how some people do it to get noticed, the host kills the co-host to get ratings for the show and blames killing on the Necromancer a good scapegoat. Except the Necromancer was at another killing. Lance the Necromancer and Blake try to find the killer. The killer is busy trying to get the Necromancer arrested. People watch the show because of the crime. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"How is the blood drive going?" asked a doctor called Dr. Death at the local hospital where he worked."Good," said Astra who ran it with her husband Max."It is a bit odd?" said Dr. Death."What?" asked Astra."Vampires running a blood drive," said Dr. Death."We are doing this for a good cause," said Astra Queen of vampires."What you and Max get free feed on tap?" asked Dr. Death."No food for the poor vampires of Queens Cross," said Astra."Blake how it going," asked her husband Max."Good," said Dr. Death, "you know the Red Fox will be up in arms If he realized this is for vampires.""He's police to the bone," said Max Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Is anything wrong," Blake asked."Can you please take me to hell!" asked Max."take you to what?" Blake king of the grim reapers laughed."Blue Midnight and the Sun King this is exciting lets go fight crime!" A man in a yellow chicken suit with a mask said like they made his life."Ok, I'll race you there," said Blake seeing the chicken,"Can I join you!" the chicken enthused said.He wanted to be a hero, and chaos followed him. He was a sorcerer who chose not to use magic.the chicken was being beaten by an old lady he crossed the road with."Why did the chicken cross the road!" laughed Max."I wanted to catch that bus leave me alone.." she screamed as she was dragged away from the bus it left when she was taken across the road nearly under a car."Max we better save him from the old lady," Blake said."We'll deal with this chicken, Madam," Blake said dragging the chicken away from the old lady who was still hitting him."Thank you Blue Midnight, that chicken made me miss my bus," she said happy to see him taken away. Max and Blake walked him away."Let's go for a coffee Chicken, King," said Blake,"Yes," Max said realizing that Blake meant to get the chicken out of trouble."Why don't you use your powers? You are a sorcerer too" asked Max."Oh them! I prefer manual work!" said the chicken."Chicken," Max said, " stop looking for crimes we are here to sit and drink,""Blake calm down everyone thinks you're mad!" Max said glaring at Blake.Blake looked Mortified."I want to die!" Blake said feeling as if everyone was watching him as they were."Die later Blake!" Max said, "we don't need to explain why the grim reaper's here and you are dead."Blake and Max left the chicken."Good thing we were masked no one will recognize us," Max said laughing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Oh great, more paperwork!" moaned a man in a blue top hat and tux in a mask. He was known as Blue Midnight, a superhero. His son hit him on the back and laughed. "You love paperwork what are you worried about," said his son laughing."Get out of my hair boy," Blake snapped at his son Lance who was dress similarly in blue."You'd think you didn't love me," said his son sarcastically."Not now I'm on a case Enchanter," Blake then said accusingly "The Necromancer Murdered another person.""Oh, that is terrible! Did I know them?" Lance asked."You tell me! We can't id them. We are going to have to do DNA tests and tooth tests, not much left of them," Blake said disgustedly. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A hilarious farce.When the king of the grim reapers' son needs help to take a ghost haunting his home, he asks his father to help remove it but was it a mistake?Good Quotes From The Haunting of the Necromancer"We are not fake anythings!" said Lance."I could debate that with you," said Blake."Where is the ghost?" Blake said changing the subject."Now I have a ghost and a grim reaper in my lounge room!" said Lance infuriated."Grand Reaper? What's that?" the ghost asked."Another name for a couch potato!" Lance hissed,"Dork why you shouting," said Junior walking in the room."Oh, he's no bother, he has good taste! Anyone who likes Neighbours is alright with me" Blake said."You sure this isn't The Munsters!" Blake asked. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

An assassin is the only chance to live for the emperor of the Universe who is in a trap set by an alien but how do you find 1 alien in an alien convention Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.