423: I Can’t Follow Beautiful

I Can’t Follow Beautiful

[00:00:00] Introduction and Hosts

[00:00:00] Brett: Hey, you listening to Overtired, I am Brett Terpstra. I am here with Jeff Severns Guntzel. Christina is on her usual, uh, tour of the world right now. I think she’s in Chicago this week?

[00:00:18] Jeff: Yeah, or Rome, or Latvia, or Upper Sandusky. Who’s to say?

[00:00:22] Brett: yeah, who knows. Um, That girl gets around.

[00:00:25] Brett’s Health Struggles

[00:00:25] Brett: So, um, I missed last week. I apologize. I will talk about why in the mental health corner. Um, but Jeff, how are you?

[00:00:37] Jeff: doing good. I like how you apologized. The guy’s been on death’s door. Not exactly. But like, sorry everybody, I was passing out and having really one of the worst times health wise of my life. I’m really sorry to all of you that

[00:00:49] Brett: Sorry for the inconvenience, everybody.

[00:00:52] Jeff: Christina and I, and it was really Christina at the top of the last episode, suggested people call you, uh, like, um, Message you with [00:01:00] unsolicited medical advice.

[00:01:00] Did you get any of that? I know you

[00:01:02] Brett: So much. Some of it, some of it ended up being really helpful and actually led to discovering what’s going on.

[00:01:10] Jeff: And that’s the problem with unsolicited medical advice that no one

[00:01:13] Brett: Sometimes.

[00:01:14] Jeff: is that there’s usually something hits.

[00:01:19] Brett: Um, I, I, yeah, yeah, let’s talk about it.

[00:01:24] Discovering Ehlers Danlos Syndrome

[00:01:24] Brett: So, um, I have realized, so I had these symptoms, um, new symptoms where I was dizzy all the time, still am, uh, like constant lightheadedness, and then I started just Passing out.

[00:01:40] Um, and it was always shortly after an orthostatic change, meaning sitting up or from like lying down or seated.

[00:01:49] Jeff: pause, orthostatic change. That’s new for me. Listeners. Is that new for you?

[00:01:55] Brett: Yeah. Uh, friend of the show, Harold Kockelmeyer, I [00:02:00] think that’s how you say his last name, um, said he was very disappointed when he learned that orthostatic meant, uh, position changes and not a skeleton that couldn’t move. Um, because he’s very, yeah, he’s, he’s very much a linguist and, and immediately wanted to dissect the term.

[00:02:19] Um, we, we love you, I love you. I don’t know about everybody

[00:02:23] Jeff: I would probably like you, you’ve got a great name. Both of them. And together especially.

[00:02:28] Brett: we might have some mixed feelings. I don’t know. I love him. I love him. He’s a great guy. Um, so anyways, uh, like I, I suddenly started fading. I’ve been to the emergency room three times in the last couple of weeks. Um, one time minor concussion, two times, just like, Hey, what the fuck’s going on? Um, and no results.

[00:02:50] All my tests came back negative. Uh, my heart came back negative. My blood pressure came back. Positive, like, uh, like, fine, [00:03:00] everything, all my blood tests were within range, no explanations offered.

[00:03:05] Navigating the Medical System

[00:03:05] Brett: Um, I had an echocardiogram because my doctor was convinced it must be my heart, although my doctor was convinced it must be my psychiatric meds, and he kept telling me, I can’t help you, go talk to your psychiatrist.

[00:03:18] Jeff: your carpenter was convinced it must be wood rot.

[00:03:22] Brett: Well, and my psychiatrist was like, this is none of the meds you’re taking on, you’re taking, explain what is happening to you. So I kept going back and forth and eventually, um, I learned from all of this unsolicited advice about Ehlers Danlos syndrome. And, um, it actually came to kind of a, uh, a breaking point when I was talking to a therapist and they were like, Can you touch your thumb to your wrist? [00:04:00] Can you do this? We’re doing this on video. Um, um, and I was like, sure, no problem. And, and they were like, yeah, normal people can’t do that. That’s called hypermobility. Um, it’s a sign of a connective tissue disorder, such as Ehlers Danlos. Um, which is often comorbid with something called POTS, which I can’t remember what it stands for, but it’s what makes you pass out when you stand up.

[00:04:25] Um, and, um, All of these things individually, the symptoms are somewhat manageable, like POTS, like the solution is to drink way more water than your average human, increase your sodium intake, and wear compression socks. And with all that, sure, you’ll pass out once in a while, but maybe less. Um, the lightheadedness, I think, can be managed with medication.

[00:04:53] But all of this Like, all the symptoms fit, and the interesting thing about it is, I’ve had some symptoms [00:05:00] for 20 years, such as GI issues and sleep disorders, um, and all of these can also fit into the EDS slash, um, uh, dysautonomic disorders in general. Um, so I finally have one thing that connects like everything that’s always been wrong with me.

[00:05:23] Um, and, and a reason for everything. However, I can’t get a diagnosis until I get genetic testing. And my primary care physician is like, eh, let’s do an MRI first and see after like putting me through all the heart stuff. Now he’s like, let’s make sure it’s not neurological. And I’m like, just give me a referral to Mayo for genetic testing.

[00:05:47] Cause I’m pretty sure I’ve got this licked at this point, like solved. And he is just ignoring everything I’m saying. So I’m switching primary care to. Gunderson [00:06:00] in the hopes that they’ll get me into Mayo

[00:06:02] Jeff: Everybody in Minnesota just went, Gunderson, of course.

[00:06:09] Brett: Well, I mean, my goal is Mayo. Uh,

[00:06:11] Jeff: every fifth person you meet here, if they’re white, every fifth white person you meet is a Gunderson.

[00:06:16] Brett: yeah.

[00:06:17] Jeff: that’s more what I’m saying.

[00:06:18] Brett: Yeah, well, Gunderson has a clinic in Winona, so it’s super convenient for me. Um, their doctors are here less frequently than if I were in, say, La Crosse, Wisconsin. Um, but I can get some care that way without having to drive 45 minutes every time. Mayo, which is, uh, for anyone unfamiliar, a premier medical institution in the United States.

[00:06:44] Jeff: sure we have a few Saudi princes in our listenership, and they already know about Mayo, because that city is partly funded by Saudi princes. Anyway,

[00:06:53] Brett: Well, it’s where they go for their, for their surgeries and

[00:06:56] Jeff: I know.

[00:06:58] Brett: yeah, it is, it is top [00:07:00] notch and it’s only 45 minutes away from me. Um, so if I can get in there, I can get the, the best genetic testing available in the country, um, and the best, uh, geneticists to interpret the results. Um, Interestingly, and we’ll get off this topic eventually, but I have a lot to say, I’ve discovered a lot, um, uh, a friend, I, I don’t know how public they want to be, so we’ll just say a friend of mine who is, um, a very Good Mac developer has a partner who, uh, referred to themselves as an FOAF, um, friend of a friend, um, and, and he had to, he had to message me privately to go, this FOAF is actually my partner, but, um, They went through a similar path, but they were so, [00:08:00] um, motivated that when they did their genetic testing, they went and got a certificate from Harvard in genetics

[00:08:09] Jeff: Oh,

[00:08:10] Brett: their own results.

[00:08:12] Um, and have you?

[00:08:15] Jeff: No.

[00:08:15] Brett: Oh,

[00:08:17] Jeff: I have so many doctorates, like, when I had diarrhea once, PhD topic.

[00:08:25] Brett: yeah, but anyway, like she went whole hog and like, and really like self advocated to an amazing extent. And she is offering her expertise to me as I, as I navigate this, but this is a permanent condition that I apparently have had my whole life. Some symptoms are new, but, um, I am going to be. It’s a bummer, like, I think my whole life I’ve always had this vision of like, someday I’ll be in shape, someday I’ll be like an [00:09:00] active, healthy person, someday, like, I just gotta do things right.

[00:09:04] If I just do it better, I’ll be a better person. And now I have to come to the conclusion that I will never be that. whole active healthy person that I always just imagined someday I would get to. I’m 46 now, like that dream was slipping to begin with, but now, now I’m officially disabled. Now I can officially get disability from the US government for however long, for however long that government lasts.

[00:09:33] Um, but, uh, Like, if I get this diagnosis, I’m, I am disabled. And that is a, that is a hard term to come to terms with for me. Um, I don’t like being helpless. I don’t like being, um, dependent on other people. But for the last couple of weeks, I’ve been extremely dependent on Elle. Um, like this is one of the few times I’ve been down to my [00:10:00] office just because I’ve been so dizzy.

[00:10:01] It’s been scary to take the stairs. Um, and yeah, so. On the plus side, getting a diagnosis means I can get better care. Um, and I have, and I have a name to put to everything that’s wrong with me. Uh, which would be a relief in some senses. But also, I gotta, I gotta admit, um, I’m kind of broken.

[00:10:26] Jeff: Broken over this, or you’re, you’re calling this disability broken?

[00:10:31] Brett: I’m calling myself as a human being, a broken human being. Um,

[00:10:36] Jeff: say more about what that, what you mean

[00:10:38] Brett: it’s, it’s a very ableist way to look at, um, feeling, uh, disabled. Um, it’s, uh, like, I have a bunch of kind of ableist preconceptions about the way I should be, uh, the way a human should be to be, like, [00:11:00] correct. And it is, it’s not, I’m not proud to be an ableist at all, um, and I’ve worked hard to kind of curb, um, curb that through education, um, and understanding of my disabled friends and, and the disabled people I meet.

[00:11:17] Um, I just never considered myself one of. Um, I had this very much like, well, it’s great to be supportive of the disabled and like I go out of my way to make like my websites and my products like accessible to disabled people. Um, and like, it’s always been important to me. I just, I don’t know, it’s, it’s hard for me to accept that, that I have a disability and it’s not even a huge one.

[00:11:48] It’s not like I lost my sight or I’m, I’m losing my sense of. Touch. Um,

[00:11:55] Jeff: How so?

[00:11:56] Brett: like for the last 10 years, I haven’t been able to feel [00:12:00] anything in my, in the tips of my thumb and first few fingers. Um, like I had to pretty much give up playing guitar because I can’t feel a pick in my hand. Um, and typing, like I have to, I have to use mechanical keyboards now because I can only feel the touch.

[00:12:18] Edges of the keys with the pads of my fingers, um, and typing on a low profile keyboard with the pads of your fingers is really messy, uh, so a mechanical gives me a little more, uh, leeway for mistypes, uh, when I can’t feel the, the home row, um, and that seems to be you. That is a symptom and it seems to be spreading, um, and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to easily pick things up or tie my shoes, um, I, I don’t, I, I can’t predict the future, I don’t know where that goes, but I didn’t, I didn’t lose my sight, I didn’t lose my [00:13:00] hearing, I didn’t lose a limb, um, like I’m not disabled in the common, um, easily perceived ways, I’m disabled in like an invisible way.

[00:13:12] Like I might look like a healthy, normal human being, but my skin’s on fire all the time. This is a weird thing I’ve realized. Like there’s this feeling that I, I have of like, I call it skin crawliness and it’s this kind of light burning on my skin and I have always associated it with withdrawal and anytime it gets.

[00:13:39] Anytime it gets strong, I’m like, Oh, I need more of whatever, you know, heroin or alcohol or coffee or whatever, nicotine, whatever I feel might be lacking. Or I think maybe I missed my medication and, um, I have always associated with that. And to be fair, like, uh, especially opiates [00:14:00] do Settle it down. So it seems like, oh yeah, that was withdrawal and what I did work.

[00:14:06] But what I’m realizing now is I pretty much always feel like that. Like I feel like that right now. Um, and it is, it’s a pain that I have lived with for at least 30 years and I just never recognized it as any kind of. Um, actual pain. I always thought it was my fault, like, for being addicted to this or that.

[00:14:31] And this is just the price I pay. Um, but it’s not. It’s actually like a constant pain that most of the time I can just ignore. Um, It, I forget where I was going with this particular thread, but, um, but I, it is, I am, oh, it’s an invisible, it’s an invisible disability. Like you can’t see that I’m, that my fucking skin hurts, that, that my bone [00:15:00] hurts, that I always have a headache.

[00:15:02] Um, like you can’t see that about me. Um, and like I have spent years not admitting I was in pain.

[00:15:10] Jeff: Mm hmm.

[00:15:11] Brett: And so this is all, I don’t know, man, it’s a different world all of a sudden.

[00:15:17] Jeff: Yeah, everything changes when you can name a thing too, right? Like it’s, and sometimes that’s a good change, sometimes it’s not. It sounds like for you it’s a mixed change, right? It’s like, well, on the one hand, I have a name for this thing. On the other hand, I have this thing now and I can know more about it because it has a name and I don’t love what I’m learning about it.

[00:15:39] Brett: maybe I can get better treatment instead of going to doctors and telling them something is wrong and having them say, no, it’s not.

[00:15:44] Jeff: I had, I went, I have this funny, so I also, I mean, we’ve talked about this. I, I’ve dealt with just fucking exhausting chronic pain since I was young. And, And, uh, but I also have all these weird little tweaks. So I have this weird thing, I’m [00:16:00] getting this, I promise I’m going to connect this, where both of my calf muscles, if I’m just laying down, or if I am sitting down and I kick my ankle up on my other knee, and I can see my calf, my calf muscles are always twitching, but it’s not just twitching.

[00:16:11] It looks like there’s a, there’s a Facehugger in there that’s about to come out. Like, it looks like when, when, when my, when my wife had, had babies in her stomach and they would kind of move across. That’s what it looks like. I’ve confirmed with lots of people that it’s super freaky. I’ve asked many doctors.

[00:16:28] They, they just don’t even try. They don’t get curious. But I asked a neurologist recently, this is what she said. Some people are just twitchy. And I was like, you know what? That’s actually the best response I’ve gotten for this, because I am fucking twitchy.

[00:16:42] Brett: Well, you just said, like, they don’t get curious. And that’s been driving me nuts because I’ve seen between the ER and, and, Specialists, I’ve seen no fewer than 12 doctors in the last month, and like, none of them seem curious, and I keep [00:17:00] saying, like, this has all gotta be connected, like, there’s gotta be something, and not one of them has been like, oh yeah, we should do some genetic testing, we should see if there’s a syndrome that explains all of this, not, like, it was right there.

[00:17:14] We, Elle and I founded it on the internet. You know, without that much trouble. And it just like the medical community just doesn’t seem all that curious.

[00:17:27] Jeff: I have a good friend whose kid was exhibiting just really, like, sudden and very unusual behaviors, and they were actually kind of scaring them as a young kid. And, um, Brought him to doctors, didn’t know, didn’t know. Then finally like, they had delayed for a long time googling anything, and then they’re like, fuck it, I’m, I can’t sleep, I’m worried, I can’t, I gotta figure it out.

[00:17:44] And they found this very, very bizarre potential explanation for what was wrong. They brought that to their doctor who, who fortunately was willing to kind of take that in and think about it. And, uh, And it was this completely bizarre, super rare thing. And I, I speak as a, as a guy who’s the [00:18:00] father of a kid with ms.

[00:18:01] And, and boy, the odds of having pediatric diagnosis of MS are, I mean, they change the way I think of odds forever, right? But like with doctors, I. I always just assumed, I think, growing up, that curiosity is what leads one to be a doctor. And I know there’s all kinds of reasons. I know that there’s cultural pressures.

[00:18:20] I know there’s like family pressures. I know there’s like a need to, to seem of a certain kind of value that that that lends you. But But like, it has not been my experience with people who are doctors that they come in first and foremost curious, and it doesn’t even feel like they lost it. You know what I mean?

[00:18:37] Like a, like somebody who comes into a profession like teaching and they’ve got this great attitude and all this stuff, but then they just get destroyed by it because it’s a very hard thing. With doctors sometimes I’m just like, were you ever curious? Cause you are literally, the area of things that you know about is the stuff that I hang the biggest question marks on.

[00:18:55] I just don’t want to go to medical school, but like, I am amazed. [00:19:00] And I’m sorry if there are doctors out there that are like, you’re full of shit. I’m definitely not like, I definitely, I mean, I think if there’s one thing I have a radar for, it’s people who are incurious.

[00:19:09] Brett: sure.

[00:19:09] Jeff: Because those are the people I can’t spend five minutes around.

[00:19:13] Um, and, uh, so anyway, I’m sorry that you’re going through that. This is actually a long way of me saying I’m really sorry that you’re going through that in such a high stakes moment where you have questions that are, that are scary. The answers, not having the answer is scary. Wondering that there might be an answer is scary, right?

[00:19:30] Like, it’s just fucking scary.

[00:19:33] Brett: Yeah. I did. I did want to say I had one doctor in. ER. Um, he, the doctor that was there when I got to ER, his shift ended and this other doctor came in and the nurse was like, Oh, you’re going to love him. He’s, he’s just, he’s super charismatic. Yeah. And, and the guy came in, Asian guy, big smile, um, started looking at my test results and I kept going, [00:20:00] wow.

[00:20:00] Oh, wow. And then he started ordering like bizarre tests because he really, he was curious. He’s like, what does this mean? And honestly, like, if I could have him as my primary care physician, I might be closer to getting what I want out of the medical system. Anyway, yeah.

[00:20:21] Jeff: Yeah. That’s, that’s really amazing. That’s what I want. And I realize that’s a lot to ask of a person, but I feel like doctors, I’m realizing right now a little bit how I feel about like cops and soldiers, which is like, you come at me and say, I am this way because look at what I have to deal with every day.

[00:20:35] And I go, you fucking signed up for this. Like you can get out anytime. And I know that might mean you lose income might mean you’re in a really confused place, but like, that’s better than fucking people up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don’t know. I don’t mean to take such an incredibly hard line, but like, I just don’t have patience for that, where it’s like, yeah, but you don’t understand what it’s like.

[00:20:54] It’s like, okay, cool. You signed up for it. Like, I’ve quit a lot of jobs. [00:21:00] I’ve even quit professions. Anyway.

[00:21:04] Mental Health Corner

[00:21:04] Brett: So, how’s your mental health, Jeff?

[00:21:06] Jeff: Oh, man, I’m, I, uh,

[00:21:08] Brett: I guess this is a health slash mental health corner.

[00:21:11] Jeff: yeah, I’m, I’m good. Um, my, my My son, who’s at college, is, I’m picking him up at the airport in a little bit, um, coming home for Thanksgiving break, and that is just going to be fantastic and amazing. Um, and, uh, And I continue to, I’ve talked about this in a couple episodes, but, you know, I’ve been digging out from a really unbelievable and singular in my life Manic episode in October of 2021, where I acquired a lot, and I’ve been digging out from that for a long time.

[00:21:43] And I, I have hit more milestones in that in the last two weeks. Um, then certainly at any point and, and even like, maybe don’t even put it that way, but like I have unstuck things that were starting to feel permanently stuck and [00:22:00] were causing me a great deal of pain and despair. Um, because I felt like, why, cause like this acquisition, which I cannot understate.

[00:22:10] overstate how much I acquired in the land of old tools in this one month. Um, what is so hard about it is I haven’t acquired anything since that episode. So I am still dealing with when I have the ability, it’s not that I don’t have the time, I’ve had the time to dig out of it, but I have a full time job.

[00:22:31] I’m a parent. It’s mostly out in the garage. It was in my sort of driveway, which is sort of an enclosed area because I’m in the city. It’s in the back and whatever. Um, but like, uh, yeah, so I’m like, I’m, yeah, I have, I’ve had all the time in the world, but when something like that, happens, or at least when it happened to me, it, it broke me, um, to use your word, uh, it changed my sense of self.

[00:22:55] It changed my identity. Um, it made me not trust myself and I’ve [00:23:00] always trusted myself, um, in like really important ways. I mean, part of it was just like, I grew up, you know, like pretty much hanging on my own and figuring things out for myself. And so, and I had to trust myself. And so I, I just do. And that kind of broke that.

[00:23:12] And it also broke like my sense of how I’m being received by other people. Cause when you’re, when you’re as manic as I was, You kind of know, but you don’t know. And until someone tells you, this is really fucking hard for me, or you seem really not okay. And that’s a big surprise. It was in that moment.

[00:23:30] And I haven’t had an episode like that since and never had had one before. Um, but I, but what, what had been so hard all these years is, um, so I have like, okay, I live in the city. Um, I have a driveway in the alley, but I actually have an unusual kind of like, compound. I initially named it after Osama Bin Laden’s compound, but my, my family before I didn’t, um, but I thought it’s the only compound I know a name of.

[00:23:57] Um, but anyway, uh, I [00:24:00] have this really interesting situation where it’s like, it’s a two car garage attached to what had been a single family home, like just 12 by 24 feet, very small. And, um, And I had pretty much like filled that up, but also overflowed into my driveway. So there was just always for years, these last years, there’s been stuff covered in tarps and all this stuff.

[00:24:21] And what sucked about it so much was that it was so visible to any of my neighbors driving through the alley. So like my, Illness was so visualized in ways that I was almost helpless to reduce in any meaningful way. It was just always a little bit there. And I, at some point I was like, you know, what sucks about this is that most mostly other ways that I might be Not well, or, you know, broken permanently or temporarily.

[00:24:50] It’s not on display and there’s not a data visualization for it. And, and with this, you know, neighbors would come over, what’s going on over here? They’d seen in my [00:25:00] garage and I’d like quick want to close it or whatever. It’s the worst feeling, worst feeling. And, and so, um. Yeah, that was what was unusual about that particular I’ve had different diagnoses over my life, but those are all things that exist inside me, inside my closest relationships, are usually not terribly, uh, you know, outwardly presented, right?

[00:25:19] But this was a thing where, like, I had, I felt like I had no control to fully control it even over, like, two years or three years. And so I didn’t have a way to, you For people to know I’m okay now. Um, and that, that was something I badly wanted. Like I, especially just, I like my neighbors and, and so, and I know what it would look like to me if I was on the outside.

[00:25:43] I’d feel a little bad for that guy, you know, like that guy kind of seems like he’s kind of messed up. And sometimes your neighbors don’t know you, but from the alley, right? Like, so yeah, like we’re, we’re, we’re like, we get along, we talk a lot, but like, David. Never been in my house, you know what I mean? So it’s like, they don’t know that in my house, it’s a nice, clean, warm [00:26:00] place.

[00:26:00] And that, you know, I have an easy demeanor, and I’m not just like causing chaos, whatever. So anyway, um, I hit a milestone, which is maybe only understandable to me, which is that, um, Winter’s coming, as they say, um, in TV. And, uh, and as we know as Minnesotans and others, maybe in, in cold climates, like when winter’s coming, you have prep to do.

[00:26:24] If you have a house, you got to get the yard ready. You got to get those leaves out of the way. You got to move shit that you don’t want to be frozen to the ground for the entire season. And for the first time in four years, I did my prep and, and there’s nothing under tarps in my driveway. There’s nothing.

[00:26:39] It just looks like a. Wonderful home. And with a garden and a

[00:26:44] Brett: That is a milestone.

[00:26:45] Jeff: it’s a huge milestone. And I hit it, I only realized it because it was, it was rain, and it was gonna rain and hadn’t rained in forever. And usually when it rains, I’m like, Oh, shit, it’s raining. I’m very attuned to the weather, because I need to go out and cover shit up or whatever, you know, so it doesn’t get wet.[00:27:00]

[00:27:00] And I started to rain. I’m like, I could do rain prep. And I walked outside and I’m like, I don’t have any rain prep to do. And that was such an incredible moment for me. Um, so, in that sense, mental health is, is, uh, that’s a good, that’s a stop on my mental health

[00:27:16] Brett: Yeah, that’s awesome.

[00:27:18] Jeff: it’s,

[00:27:19] Brett: I do want to push back on the leaves thing.

[00:27:22] Jeff: oh yeah, no, I don’t mean to say you have to clean your leaves up, because you should leave some of them for bug

[00:27:27] Brett: Yeah, exactly.

[00:27:28] Jeff: Yeah, I knew that’s where you were going.

[00:27:30] Brett: it’s really good for, for non mosquito type bugs

[00:27:34] Jeff: Again, I have what is essentially a four car parking lot behind my house, it’s the nobody who lives in a city can imagine this is possible, but like, that’s what was covered in leaves, I leave the

[00:27:44] Brett: Okay. Yeah. Yeah. The yard

[00:27:46] Jeff: that only I only learned that a couple years lay it out, Brett, lay for those of, you know, those of us out there that are dying to know.

[00:27:54] I

[00:27:54] Brett: Oh, I actually don’t know that many details. I just know that things like the decline in lightning bug [00:28:00] populations are largely due to people’s lawn maintenance routines. Um, I personally would love a lawn I didn’t even have to cut, but we leave our leaves Out, um, and let them decompose because it’s supposed to be good for pollinators and for lightning bugs and their ilk.

[00:28:21] Um, and we grow a lot of, uh, pollinator friendly, like our, most of our lawn is covered in Creeping Charlie. Do you know what that is?

[00:28:30] Jeff: love it because I don’t give a shit about having a nice yard, but I do like it to be green. And Creeping Charlie just makes it that everyone’s trying to get rid of it. I’m like, that’s my green. I don’t have to mow the lawn.

[00:28:39] Brett: want, I want the whole lawn to be Creeping Charlie, um, like, I, I like the idea of like a wildflower lawn, but even that takes more work than I want to put in. Creeping Charlie is hardy, it doesn’t grow vertically, it grows horizontally, and it may, it’s great for pollinators, it’s great for insect life, uh, the deer love it, [00:29:00] um,

[00:29:01] Jeff: Yeah.

[00:29:02] Brett: the deer love it almost as much as they love our hostas, um, but yeah, it’s, I, I, I don’t think, the idea of the manicured American lawn raked of all leaves and trimmed down to, you know, an inch and a half, uh, like, and constantly clippings disposed of, like, that’s just not the way that nature wants to be.

[00:29:29] And we’ve already built enough concrete, you know, we’ve taken enough nature away, why take the lawns away too?

[00:29:37] Jeff: I see you, Jonny Mitchell. Yeah, I agree. And yeah, so in our neighborhood, it’s just, over the last few years, it’s become just kind of a known thing that there’s a certain date after which you rake your leaves up after snow melts, but you leave them. Leave them. You leaf them for a certain period of time because of just all of the sort of the ecosystem that exists under there is not ready to be exposed to the [00:30:00] elements.

[00:30:00] Brett: Yeah, that’s awesome.

[00:30:02] Jeff: Yeah.

[00:30:03] Sponsor: 1Password

[00:30:03] Brett: Um, all right, should we take a quick sponsor break?

[00:30:06] Jeff: Let’s do it.

[00:30:07] Brett: All right. This week’s sponsor is 1Password. Imagine your company’s security like the quad of a college campus. There are nice brick paths between the buildings. Those are the company owned devices, IT approved apps, and managed employee identities.

[00:30:23] And then there are the paths that people actually use. The shortcuts worn through the grass that are actually, actually the straightest line from point A to point B. Point B, those are unmanaged devices, shadow IT apps, and non employee identities such as contractors. Most security tools only work on those happy brick paths, but a lot of security problems take place on the shortcuts.

[00:30:45] 1Password Extended Access Management is the first security solution that brings all of these unmanaged devices, apps, and identities under your control. It ensures that every user credential is strong and protected, every device is [00:31:00] known and healthy, and every app is visible. 1Password Extended Access Management solves problems that traditional IAM and MDM can’t.

[00:31:09] It’s security for the way we work today, and it’s now generally available to companies with Okta and Microsoft Entra. And in beta for Google Workspace customers. Check it out at 1password. com slash overtired. That’s one, the number one password. com slash overtired. Uh, and thanks again to 1password for keeping us on the air.

[00:31:34] Jeff: Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn’t be on the air. I wouldn’t even show up to this fucking shit show.

[00:31:44] Brett: Well,

[00:31:45] Jeff: the sponsors that keep me here.

[00:31:47] Brett: be fair on weeks, we don’t have sponsors. We do take time off.

[00:31:51] Jeff: Mostly. Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. And to be fair, that’s not because we’re spending all the money we made on the sponsor episodes.

[00:31:59] Brett: Check [00:32:00] it out.

[00:32:00] Upcoming Guest and Book Discussion

[00:32:00] Brett: So, every once in a while we have guests, and you have an exciting guest coming up for us. Um, I got a galley copy of a new book today, uh, that is this author’s first foray into cyberpunk,

[00:32:16] Jeff: Hmm.

[00:32:17] Brett: and it’s like a queer cyberpunk murder mystery set in the future, um, and it’s got like a dry set

[00:32:26] Jeff: set in like 1867.

[00:32:28] Brett: a steampunk, it’s not a steampunk mystery,

[00:32:30] Jeff: I know, I just assumed it was the future is my

[00:32:33] Brett: I know, it was a bit redundant, um, I uh, but like as soon as I started reading it, I contacted the publicist and I was like, hey, I have this shitty little show where we swear a lot and we don’t make family friendly episodes and we have a pretty Niche audience, but would this author have any interest in joining us for a conversation?

[00:32:57] Um, and I was like, queer, tech, sci [00:33:00] fi, like, it’s, it’s our, it’s our wheelhouse. So, I haven’t heard back yet, but if, if you’re cool with it, I, I would love it. I would, this Corey, Corey something, um, I, well, I’ll do a much better job of promoting it, um, if, if we score the

[00:33:18] Jeff: We’re really happy to have a special guest today. Is Corey something? Say hello.

[00:33:22] Brett: but yeah, like, I’m, I’m a chapter in on the book and it’s, it’s well written. I’m excited to find some new cyberpunk in my life, so,

[00:33:31] Jeff: Awesome. That’s

[00:33:32] The Weighted Hug and Moonboy

[00:33:32] Brett: um, I also got to tell you about the Weighted Hug. I have a,

[00:33:36] Jeff: Sounds good.

[00:33:37] Brett: I have a

[00:33:38] Jeff: like a fucking terrible band.

[00:33:40] Brett: I have a friend who goes by, I have a friend who goes by the name Moonboy, um, around town, he’s known as Moonboy,

[00:33:48] Jeff: Moonboy in a terrible band? Sorry, Moonboy. I’m

[00:33:51] Brett: he is, he is not, yeah, he runs like, or he’s, he’s phasing his involvement out, but for a long time he ran, uh, the Queer Dance [00:34:00] Night at a local bar, um, and he grew up in the same kind of, Uh, repressive religious environment I did and came out just an amazingly, uh, healthy, queer, uh, human being who is infinitely kind and empathetic and understanding and I, he’s just an amazing human being.

[00:34:26] Um.

[00:34:27] Jeff: time and takes a joke about bad bands.

[00:34:34] Fashion Designer’s Unique Project: The Weighted Hug

[00:34:34] Brett: but he is also a fashion designer and, um, sews his own clothes and like just fantastic stuff. And he, for years now, has been working on this project called the Weighted Hug. And it’s basically like a flak jacket, um, filled with, you know, Weights. I don’t know exactly what he weights it with, but it’s like a [00:35:00] padded vest that weighs maybe 70 pounds.

[00:35:05] Jeff: Did you get one?

[00:35:06] Experiencing the Weighted Hug

[00:35:06] Brett: Yeah, I did. Um, I went to his, I went to his like, um, his launch party and it was

[00:35:13] Jeff: is someone in Winona.

[00:35:15] Brett: yeah, it was a nice little gathering. Um, maybe 50 people, uh, invite only. Um, and he did like a fashion show. He had like a sweep with lights and he had mannequins and he got up and gave a great speech. And. It is a really fun little city.

[00:35:33] Um, uh, he had multiple iterations of the vest there for people to try on. Um, and I was skeptical cause like, it sounds like, you know, the kind of thing that might be of use to autistic people, like a real Temple Grand kind of invention. And, and I was like, I’ll give it a shot. And so I’m at this noisy party, um, and I deal okay with noise stimulation [00:36:00] for a limited time.

[00:36:01] Uh, but it was definitely getting,

[00:36:03] Jeff: are the problem. Heh heh heh.

[00:36:05] Brett: it was definitely getting, uh, to a point where my nerves were frying. And I put this vest on and just like immediately my breathing slowed down the noise of the room. It didn’t go away, but it suddenly became like, um, Manageable, uh, for my brain. And I was like, holy shit, I’m getting one of these.

[00:36:26] Um, they are 300. They are handmade. It’s not cheap, but honestly, when you see the construction of this thing, it it’s built to last 20 years.

[00:36:37] Promoting the Weighted Hug

[00:36:37] Brett: Um, so I just wanted to put a bit of a promo out there for Moonboy. Um, the website is, let me double check this to make sure I don’t give a bad address on live. Oh, we’re not live.

[00:36:52] Um,

[00:36:54] Jeff: heh heh. Surprise!

[00:36:57] Brett: yeah, it’s weightedhug. com. [00:37:00] Um, and you can order straight from there. He ships worldwide. Um, yeah. If you live in Southeast Minnesota, he will hand deliver it to you. He showed up at my house with mine. But for anyone outside, uh, yeah, there’s, it’s not a cheap thing to ship. I imagine. I have no idea what shipping costs.

[00:37:22] outside of Southeast Minnesota, but I’m totally worth it. If you’re the kind of person who, who responds well to, you know, hugs or weights on your chest or a feeling of being like a weighted blanket, for example, but you want to wear your weighted blanket around the house. Um, this is it’s really good.

[00:37:43] Really

[00:37:44] Jeff: things. Three things. One, Weighted Hug is a great product name, I stand by it, it’s a terrible band name. Uh, Moonboy, great band name. And then I wanted to ask you, when I imagine putting this on, I imagine neck and shoulder strain. Mm [00:38:00] hmm.

[00:38:01] Brett: Um, so I haven’t experienced that. I imagine. Yes. Um, and it is actually really nice to wear like slouching on the couch

[00:38:09] Jeff: I