416: Accidental Meth

Accidental Meth

[00:00:00] Introduction and Podcast Updates

[00:00:00]

[00:00:02] Christina: What? The feed’s been updated? You’re listening to Overtired. I’m Christina Warren, joined as always by Jeff Severinskenzel and Brett Terpstra. Guys, hello.

[00:00:14] Brett: As, as always, sometimes, as sometimes, all three of us are here.

[00:00:18] Christina: Well, look, I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s like, let’s just, let’s just focus on the fact that again, like I said, the feed’s been updated. Like we’ve got a new episode out.

[00:00:28] Brett: Um, yeah, and I, the plan is to have new episodes for a few weeks in a row here, if we, if we stick to plan. We have sponsors, and It would be more trouble to not do the episode than to do the episode. So yeah.

[00:00:46] Christina’s Exhausting Trip

[00:00:46] Brett: Christina, how are you?

[00:00:48] Christina: Pretty good. Pretty good. Um, I, um, had kind of, I, well, I mean, I’m, I’m fine now. I slept a lot, which was good, but yesterday, which was, we’re recording this on a Saturday. Um, I, on [00:01:00] a Friday, which was our normal record date, I would have been a lot more tired if we recorded then because I was in, um, San Francisco as an in and out, like on Thursday, like I flew in, uh, in the morning and then flew out in the afternoon.

[00:01:15] Christina: And, um, I don’t know, uh, be, like spending more time in airports than you spend in the city that you’re visiting

[00:01:21] Jeff: That’s the worst.

[00:01:22] Christina: That kind of sucks, to be honest. So

[00:01:24] Jeff: sucks.

[00:01:25] Christina: it was a great trip and I’m really glad that I did it and it wasn’t like that bad, but it’s also one of those things where it’s like, it’s just a not a long enough flight for the whole thing to just be like, okay, in the future, if I can, I mean, in their instance, this was one of them were like, you have to do that.

[00:01:41] Christina: And, and I’m, I’m glad that I was at least close enough to do it, but you’re also kind of like, yeah, this, this sucks. Like I’m now more tired than I would have been if I had just, you know, gone someplace and stayed the night and flown back.

[00:01:53] Jeff: Right, right. I know I hate that. I hate that, uh, I’m always wrong when I make the calls. [00:02:00] I don’t like traveling anymore, though, is my problem. That much. I like traveling, uh, on a vacation. I do not like traveling for work anymore.

[00:02:09] Travel and Mental Health

[00:02:09] Brett: Which I think is a great segue into a mental health corner.

[00:02:12] Christina: Yeah, I think so.

[00:02:14] Brett: travel and mental health. I um, tomorrow, or Monday I leave as this podcast is released.

[00:02:22] Brett’s Upcoming Vegas Trip

[00:02:22] Brett: I will be on a plane to Las Vegas. And it’s the first time I’ve traveled. I, we did a road trip this summer, but it’s the first time I’ve like flown for work anywhere in years and Vegas is not my first choice for places to be.

[00:02:43] Brett: Um, but I will be flying in for a few days in Las Vegas for Oracle CloudWorld. Um,

[00:02:50] Christina: World? Hell yeah.

[00:02:51] Brett: and I’m presenting on topics that. I only know about because I researched them last week. Um, [00:03:00] and I have to give, well, actually like I kinda, I got out of doing most of the, like leading the presentations, but I have to be there for support and live lab instruction and everything, which is a little stressful.

[00:03:14] Brett: I’m a little stressed out and like.

[00:03:17] Brett’s Sleep Struggles

[00:03:17] Brett: This week I stopped sleeping again. Um, not on purpose. I, I might be manic. Hard to say because like during the day I’m pretty level headed. Um, but I do tend to get up at four in the morning and start like working on code, which is kind of manic behavior for me. Um, but I figured out.

[00:03:39] Brett: So like I take Three 600 milligram pills of gabapentin every night, and it’s the only way that I sleep. But then even with that, I started waking up at 2 a. m. every morning, which is, you know, not, not great, and I couldn’t fall back asleep. So what I figured out [00:04:00] was I could take Two of those pills at bedtime because I don’t generally have trouble falling asleep.

[00:04:05] Brett: I have trouble staying asleep. So I take two of those pills and that gets me through till 2 a. m. Then I take the third pill at 2 a. m. which gets me through until like 5 a. m. which is a reasonable time to get up because I’ve been going to bed at like 8 30. Oh, which is going to suck in Vegas because my flight gets in at like 11 p.

[00:04:24] Brett: m. on Monday. And then all of our, all of our team meals and everything are like 9 45 PM. Um, Vegas time, which I think is West

[00:04:38] Christina: hours behind.

[00:04:39] Brett: yeah.

[00:04:39] Christina: two hours behind you. So, so, um, like, whatever, like, so if you, uh, land, so it’ll be the equivalent of like 11pm for you.

[00:04:47] Brett: Yeah. That’s nuts. I, I can’t, I can’t function that late. Um, but I guess I’ll have to, I guess this is a good time to get back into like crystal meth. Um,[00:05:00]

[00:05:00] Jeff: I mean, yeah, that’s an individual decision.

[00:05:05] Brett: consult your doctor. Um,

[00:05:08] Jeff: Oh man, that reminds me, I’m gonna flag something, I’m gonna flag something for after the corner, uh, a meth story.

[00:05:15] Brett: Well, that’s, that’s my corner. I’m, I’m stressed about travel. It’s not going to be a big deal. I always pull this shit off, no problem. Um, but,

[00:05:25] Vegas Experiences and Shows

[00:05:25] Jeff: I wanna, I wanna jump onto one thing you, one part of a sentence you said, which is, um, dot dot, which, no, which is dot dot dot, it’s gonna suck in Vegas. Everything sucks in Vegas.

[00:05:35] Christina: Yeah.

[00:05:36] Jeff: Except, you know what, except, and I, I resisted this so hard when my mother in law booked us to do this, except Blue Man Group.

[00:05:44] Brett: Yeah, no, I love the Blue Man

[00:05:46] Jeff: Kind of great.

[00:05:47] Christina: Uh,

[00:05:48] Brett: too.

[00:05:49] Christina: I was gonna say if you can do the shows, right? Like I had a, I had an amazing time when I took my mom to Vegas. Like I had like

[00:05:56] Brett: and Teller?

[00:05:57] Christina: um,

[00:05:58] Brett: didn’t you see like

[00:05:59] Christina: saw, we saw,

[00:05:59] Brett: [00:06:00] in Vegas?

[00:06:00] Christina: no, no, we saw Taylor Swift in Atlanta, but no, we saw Adele in Vegas. We saw Adele at, at, at, at, at Caesars. And we saw, um, uh, the, uh, the Beatles, uh, Cirque show, now that they’ve raised, um, the, um, um, That, that, um, um, hotel, um, because it’s going to become like the hard rock or whatever.

[00:06:18] Christina: Like that’s, that’s probably not ever coming back. So I was really glad we got to see that. But we, we like went shopping, like we, it’s, Vegas doesn’t suck unless you’re there for work. When you’re there for work, it sucks, right? Like, but, but, but, but that’s how most of us go at this point. And

[00:06:36] Brett: it was, it’s like CES with like the Engadget crew was always fun. Like we had

[00:06:43] Christina: for you, for

[00:06:44] Brett: you know, karaoke

[00:06:45] Christina: Well, for you,

[00:06:46] Brett: and yeah.

[00:06:48] Christina: you, if you were a reporter at Engadget, it was not fun, I guarantee you.

[00:06:54] Brett: Um, okay. I’ll take your

[00:06:55] Christina: I, I will guarantee you it’s not fun because you literally have to be on, [00:07:00] like, the entire time. You have to wake up at 6am to go to press conferences, and you have to also go to dinners with people.

[00:07:06] Christina: And yes, you have time to do team excursions, but that also means that you again have to then go out to like parties that companies are having in schmooze and then get up at 6am and you have to blog five or six things a day. Like it sucks. Like you’re, like,

[00:07:19] Jeff: five or six things

[00:07:20] Christina: and while you’re

[00:07:21] Jeff: I hated the early 2000s.

[00:07:23] Christina: while you’re walking around the entire convention center and then at CES at that point was so big that it was too big for the convention center.

[00:07:30] Christina: So you’d have to go from like one thing to another, like, um, It’s maybe fun once, but if you’re actually going to those things to work it like as a writer, no, CES

[00:07:42] Journalism and Blogging Challenges

[00:07:42] Jeff: still, here’s a question, and Christina, you might have the best sense of this. Are there still jobs in journalism where you are expected, like real jobs in journalism, where you’re expected to blog five or six times a day?

[00:07:56] Christina: That much probably not, um,

[00:07:58] Jeff: that nice? I[00:08:00]

[00:08:00] Christina: yeah, it is, it is, except, but it’s funny because like the one exception are like the big event days, right? So like things like CES, or Mobile World Congress, or the Apple, you know, news days. That’s an all hands on deck thing to this day where you will have multiple people who will be contributing.

[00:08:16] Christina: It’s And, um, yeah, I mean, but no, it’s no longer the, even the business insiders of the world and whatnot like that, like they’re not asking people to blog that much. Um, I think that it’s, it’s probably, uh, more, um, reasonably, um, gone to like a, a file once a day thing, which is much better. Um, and, and, and with BuzzFeed and all those things being gone, like you don’t even have like the quick, like listicle sort of shit.

[00:08:42] Christina: Um, like the closest thing, you know, to that that’s still around, I guess, like I said, would be like Business Insider. And I think they’re probably, even for their interns, they’re probably only like at a file once a day place. So that’s good. At the same time, I will say as like bad as that was, that was like the best bootcamp I ever had as a [00:09:00] writer

[00:09:00] Jeff: Mm.

[00:09:01] Christina: was, was having to file a lot.

[00:09:05] Christina: About a lot of different things. I mean, like you get burnout for fucking real, but you also get fast. And when there’s breaking news, like no one is faster than a blogger.

[00:09:16] Jeff: What I always liked, I liked a version of this, which is, I’m thinking, so I covered the RNC when it was here in St. Paul, it was the McCain Palin RNC for this really cool site at the time called the Minnesota Independent, which is just a good kind of, it’s a good progressive journalism site. And, and I had just.

[00:09:36] Jeff: Quit my job at a, at an alt weekly and needed something to do. And they, they brought me on and I, this is what I love. So I went every day to that convention. There’s tons of protests. So sometimes I would just follow the police around because that was a way to write about what was happening. I found my way into the convention hall at one point, whatever.

[00:09:57] Jeff: It was just like adventures every day for a few days. And [00:10:00] I loved having an intense day and then sitting down at like 7 PM and having to write. 2000 words about that day. Um, because it wasn’t like, um, it wasn’t like I interviewed a bunch of people and I have to like write a kind of straight thing, like, but I love writing a good sort of very, like, meaty, not trite narrative piece, uh, at the end of a, at the end of a hard day.

[00:10:27] Christina: No, and I think that can be great, right? And there’s nothing wrong with that. Like it’s just, but it’s hard when like, I don’t know. Um, and I always, I never minded doing like live vlogs. Like that, you know, I

[00:10:38] Jeff: love live vlogs.

[00:10:39] Christina: vlogs I always enjoyed. Um, and, and like, and like if somebody asked me like, can you do a live vlog right now?

[00:10:44] Christina: I haven’t done one in like six years and I would be like, yeah, fucking put me in. Um, that’s a, that’s a muscle that like wouldn’t go away.

[00:10:51] Brett: I think you were, so last time I was at CES, we were developing the new live blog software, uh, for Blogsmith [00:11:00] and it was me and Joe Bartlett and we were coding like non stop during the days because like they were live blogging CES and it was brand new software and we were bug fixing in

[00:11:13] Christina: Oh, damn. That would be, that would be really hard.

[00:11:16] Brett: yeah, it was, but like, I think it’s different.

[00:11:20] Brett: Because we had one thing to work on and we were like heads down on that one thing and we weren’t like popping from event to event and switching gears constantly.

[00:11:29] Christina: That’s what I’m saying. That, that, I, I totally think, like, like, it could still be stressful, but that would be fine. Like, but when you’re, like, as, cause I, cause I used to have to go to, like, Vegas twice a year. I would go in January for CES and then I’d go in April for NAB, which is like the, um, uh, National Association of Broadcasters, um, which is a smaller event, but a similar type of thing.

[00:11:46] Christina: And I would have to, you know, like, go, yeah, from like thing to thing. And then you’re trying to do like your little write ups and trying to get like the news out. And like, in some cases you’ve been able to do it in advance because you’ve already been pre briefed on stuff and you can just hit [00:12:00] publish.

[00:12:00] Christina: But in other cases, yeah, they’re like announcing things live. And so you’re having to figure out like what’s good live, like what’s worthwhile. And then you’re like walking the show floor and being like, Oh, okay, well, should I write about this or should I write about that? And, you know, want to make sure that I’m showing enough, you know, value for me being here.

[00:12:16] Christina: Um, and I don’t know, uh, I’d be curious The big, the big conferences in that way, like for the blogs and the people who do go, I mean, it’s a lot of video people now more than websites, um, which is its own other nightmare. I was on camera, but I didn’t have to do the edits, but trying to edit videos, you know, to go up while you’re at those events, it’s another kind of, uh, version of hell because, you know, people want to see it as soon as possible.

[00:12:44] Christina: But if it’s going to be good, it’s going to take more time to, you know, cut the whatnot. So you have some people who just live stream and like, great. But, you know, if you want it to actually look fully produced and that takes a lot of time and effort, and you’re also dealing with, you know, um, everybody else trying to [00:13:00] saturate the, the internet that you’re on.

[00:13:02] Christina: Um, even if you bring in your own hotspots or pay for your own. Um, Wireless, or, or, or, Wired, Lines, or whatever. But, um, yeah, um,

[00:13:13] Conference Stories and Intersections

[00:13:13] Brett: I don’t remember which year it was but, um, CES one year coincided with the Adult Video Network Awards

[00:13:21] Christina: Yeah, they did that for a number of years. They were the same week. Um,

[00:13:24] Brett: gotta tell you live blogging that was actually pretty fun. The AVN awards, I mean, not, not CES.

[00:13:31] Christina: right. Um, yeah, I, uh, I, I never went to any of that. Instead, what would happen, it would be, You would always have, and they would always be disgusting looking and, and acting men who would see a woman and be like, Oh, are you here for CES? Are you here for the AVGN awards or whatever? And it’s like, or AVN like, go fuck yourself.

[00:13:49] Christina: I’m not fucking you regardless. Like genuinely, like, like, like fucking kill yourself. Um, you know, like that, uh, and, and the CES, like, I don’t remember who it was who [00:14:00] made them move it, but like, there were enough complaints about that overlap that like, they had to be moved

[00:14:06] Brett: Yeah. I bet. I don’t doubt that. I don’t doubt that.

[00:14:10] Christina: Yeah, because I think, because I think what would happen is I think that the adult actor, film actresses, I think they would get harassed too. I think they would have like people, especially people who are from other countries who don’t, who have like different social norms and don’t know how to act around people, would like just blatantly sexually harass them.

[00:14:26] Brett: Yeah. Well, I imagine, I imagine that’s true for adult film actresses, just about everywhere they go.

[00:14:33] Christina: For sure, but like there, but if you have people who are coming for a specific event from your industry, you might still have people who are gross, but you know, are going to maybe have a certain kind of, you know, decorum. And then you have people who are like, again, like from parts of the world where they just don’t respect women in any regard and really think that like, it’s okay to just, you know, Reach out and touch people or to say things, um, even in the best of times.

[00:14:58] Christina: And, uh, and then you have like, [00:15:00] you know, like adult film actresses and it’s like, huh, yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe don’t have these two things the same week. I don’t know.

[00:15:09] Jeff: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Although, conferences and conference groups intersecting is one of my favorite things about going to conferences. That one’s just a little messy.

[00:15:19] Christina: No, no, totally. No, look, look, if everybody can act like an adult, I’m in full agreement. I was actually, I was actually in, I was actually in Vegas, um, I guess like three weeks ago, four weeks ago. Um, yeah, a month ago, I guess. Um, for, it was, again, it was supposed to be like a 24 hour thing. I wound up in that case, actually being smarter and staying a second night.

[00:15:38] Christina: So like I got in at like 7 p. m. and And we shot on the whole next day, and I thought that I was going to be leaving at like 7pm the following night, and we had the hotel suite for another night, and I was like, well if we have this, this is dumb, I will just stay the night and then leave at like 10 or 11am the next day, which is what I wound up [00:16:00] doing.

[00:16:00] Christina: Um, and so I was there for like, 36 hours. Um, but, um, it was, it was fun because we were, uh, it was during def, um, uh, Blackhat and Defcon. And so, um, and I was interviewing some of our security researchers and I didn’t go to any of the events and I, I wasn’t able to go to any of the parties, which that’s okay.

[00:16:17] Christina: Um, I didn’t want to get COVID or anything, so I was, that was fine. But we, um, me and like, um, the, the guys on our, our films team were fantastic. Like we hung out, we, did Topgolf and things like that. But like we went to this restaurant when we first got in and there was like this white party happening and we, we didn’t know like what it was for.

[00:16:35] Christina: And, and, um, like even like the, um, waitress, she was like, I’m not sure what they’re all lined up for in this casino. And I was like asking, I was like, so, What are you here for? They’re like, Oh, it’s just a corporate company, white party. And I was like, trying to find out like what company they worked for and they wouldn’t like tell me.

[00:16:47] Christina: And I was like, okay. So we were all like, okay, yeah, they must work at a cult. But that was kind of a fun thing to see because obviously there were all the security professionals there, but there were people who were in town for other things too. And seeing like, like, [00:17:00] like to your point, Jeff, like seeing those different types of groups intersecting, um, was, was pretty funny.

[00:17:06] Jeff: Yeah. Yeah, I had one. I was in Omaha once and, uh, at the hotel. I wasn’t there for a conference, I was there for a project, but at the hotel it was like, I forget what the group was, but it was all, um, elderly women in, um, dresses made of sequins and hats with sequins. And then it was a, it was a bodybuilder conference.

[00:17:25] Jeff: I’m sorry, a body, a bodybuilder competition. Um, and so the whole, the whole, like three days I was there, these were the groups that were like intersecting in the lobby and stuff. And it was just the best. It’s like a world I want to live in.

[00:17:38] Christina: That’s amazing. I was at one in, in June for the AI Engineer World’s Fair. Um, was, was at a, um, uh, the Marriott Marquis in San Francisco. Um, but the other event that was there was, I think I took a photo of it, but it was like some sewing convention.

[00:17:54] Jeff: Nice. Oh, that must’ve been gentle, gentle people.

[00:17:57] Christina: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so it was, it was like this very weird [00:18:00] thing. Like they had like, they have like the signs like showing like, This direction for the AI Engineer World’s Fair, this direction for like the big sewing convention. And like, you could not have like a more different demographic of people. Like one is like, like almost entirely men, like in probably like their, their, you know, 20s and 30s, um, talking, you know, like AI nerds.

[00:18:17] Christina: And then the other is like, I would say the median age is probably 55 and, and all women. That was pretty funny.

[00:18:24] Jeff: Yeah. Oh man. Awesome. Awesome. Traveling, live blogging. Weightlifters.

[00:18:32] Christina: Weightlifter.

[00:18:32] Brett: your mental health, Jeff?

[00:18:34] Jeff: Pretty good. Good. I’ve, uh,

[00:18:37] Brett: I’m

[00:18:38] Jeff’s Parenting Reflections

[00:18:38] Jeff: I just, I can just say, I mean, what, what I can say in, in short, cause I’ve, I’ve talked about it in the last episode and, and definitely a few episodes ago as I anticipated it or approached it, but like, um, dropping my oldest off at college and then returning to a life where he is not a physical presence every day.

[00:18:56] Jeff: Um, one of the, like, just really [00:19:00] kind of amazing experiences for me, like as a parent. especially recently, is like, I didn’t really anticipate how, um, parenting him would be different. Uh, because, so really he’s a great communicator and it’s very easy to talk. And I’ve said before, just like kind of like a great roommate basically, but also just like a really, really good kid.

[00:19:24] Jeff: And, uh, and, And the way that you interact with your kids normally is like you catch them at the right moment. Maybe you have a nice conversation. They’re on the couch, you’re on the couch, you’re driving them somewhere, they’re driving you somewhere. Um, and a lot of, a lot of interaction, whether it’s like, uh, transactional or supportive or, or just, you know, like really connecting happens that way.

[00:19:46] Jeff: Like just kind of ships passing in, uh, the day and night. Um, but when you’re, when you’re separate. It’s phone calls and, and there’s just a different, um, it’s a different experience, a different way of like [00:20:00] receiving him and being present to him and, and kind of a learning curve, not in a bad way at all, but just like trying to like figure out what is different?

[00:20:09] Jeff: Why does this feel different? How, how, how can I be the same kind of present or like whatever this new present I need to be? Um, and And you know, first few weeks of college are hard. And so it’s been, you know, like a lot of sort of trying to be present and supportive and listening or whatever. And it’s been really awesome.

[00:20:28] Jeff: I had this kind of weird realization, which is like, well, first of all, when I turned 40, I’m 49 now, when I turned 40, I literally remember I was walking in Omaha, probably that same trip. And I remember thinking, well, I’m about to turn 40. That’s probably it for new phases of my life. I don’t think it’s probably going to be too many big new initiatives.

[00:20:46] Jeff: I don’t know why I was thinking that, but I really felt like it was, I didn’t feel

[00:20:49] Christina: was over for

[00:20:50] Jeff: was over, but yeah, but I just felt like, well, you know, the thing where I jumped from thing to thing or whatever, and maybe there’s a big left turn, whatever. I was like, Oh, it’s probably done. Um, totally not done.

[00:20:59] Jeff: [00:21:00] And, and I also kind of like, I was thinking on that and then I was thinking about how like, What I’m experiencing now feels like a new developmental stage. Like, in terms of the sort of challenges it provides and like the, the sometimes like the struggles to recognize like, Oh, I’m in a new developmental stage.

[00:21:18] Jeff: Like I am developing new ways of being in the world. And I realized that I actually have always loved entering those stages, even when they’re super, super hard. And, uh, and this one isn’t super, super hard, but it’s. It’s loaded with a lot of emotion and, and, and a lot of like wanting to, you know, maintain a connection at a time when, when your child is like in maximum new independence mode.

[00:21:44] Jeff: Um, and so just figuring out like, it’s a change of identity and I, and so far, I really like it. And, and I was, did not expect that. I like the change in identity. I’d love to have them back more. I’d love to have them closer, not 11 hours away, but, um, anyway, so that it’s just, [00:22:00] I don’t know, but I think because that’s on my mind all the time, I think that’s the best kind of mental health check in.

[00:22:06] Jeff: And also just that it’s hard when, when, when your, your kid is like, you know, on the like, rollercoaster of the first, I didn’t go to college, but from what I understand, that first semester can be hard.

[00:22:16] Christina: It can

[00:22:17] Jeff: as can the first

[00:22:18] Christina: of changes.

[00:22:19] Jeff: Yeah. It’s so many

[00:22:20] Christina: you’re away, yeah, you’re away from home for the first time. Um, for, for, for most people, I mean, some people have had other experiences, but for a lot of people, you’re away from home for the first time. You have that first real sense of independence where there are consequences for, you know, like no one’s going to wake you up and make you go to class.

[00:22:33] Christina: And you’re meeting all kinds of new people who are going through the same things and, um, getting really close to people really fast, um, because you spend so much time together and trying to figure out who you are and. Getting to reinvent yourself to some degree, you know, because It, you know, again, like it’s not the same for everybody, but depending on where you go, like, you might not have many of the same people from your high school there.

[00:22:55] Christina: And so, you know, you kind of get to try on new, you know, like [00:23:00] personalities and, and other things and be like, okay, well, I don’t want to be like this anymore. I can be like this. And, and then, yeah, you know, if you, especially if you were close with your parents, like trying to figure out like, okay, well, how am I still going to see them and, you know, maintain those things.

[00:23:15] Christina: Um, where’s he in school?

[00:23:17] Jeff: he’s at, he’s at, well, he’s just, he’s at a college in Indiana. I don’t know why would I feel weird saying the name of the school. Um, but he’s at a college in Indiana and it’s, it’s where his mom went and, and, um, and it’s, it’s a great, it’s a great place, great campus. He’s very happy with all of that.

[00:23:33] Jeff: But like, have you all ever been in a long distance relationship?

[00:23:36] Christina: Yes.

[00:23:36] Brett: Um, kinda. Yeah,

[00:23:39] Jeff: Like, you know that thing where, if something’s, you’re talking to someone and you’re kind of stuck with whatever the last impression you had was on the phone, right, like pre text or whatever, or like

[00:23:50] Brett: even when your partner is traveling.

[00:23:52] Jeff: Yeah, same, same. I was gonna say, it’s like when you’re traveling where like, if it’s, if you have a, if you leave a call with a sense of [00:24:00] like, I don’t know what, like longing or sadness or, or if it’s happiness or whatever, you sort of keep that and realize only later that like, that didn’t freeze for that person, but it

[00:24:09] Brett: happened in between.

[00:24:11] Jeff: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:24:12] Christina: more things happened since then. Yeah. I have to, I, I’m curious, you know, because like when I went to college and, and I didn’t go very far from home, so it was very different in a lot of regards, but you know, um, but I did have the long distance relationships and stuff, but like, It was harder to keep in touch with people, you know, like we had cell phones, but we weren’t texting all the time and, and you couldn’t FaceTime with people, you know, and, and that kind of thing.

[00:24:37] Christina: Um, do you think that, like, are you able to be more connected through like other ways? Are you finding that?

[00:24:43] Jeff: Yeah. And, and also with that, like trying not to overdo it myself, you know, cause I could ask a question or check in every five minutes. Um, and so I’ve been, that’s the other thing I’ve been trying to negotiate in my head, which is like, okay, what do I, Right now, what do I need? And what I need [00:25:00] right now is some kind of contact, whether it was with me even briefly, Hey, I want to send you some, some slippers, you need slippers with your shoe size.

[00:25:07] Jeff: And it’s like, tells me the shoe size, like, that’s it. Like, that’s the minimum I need. Um, And, and, but otherwise, yeah, it’s nice. Cause every once in a while, it’s just a loose text. It’s just a, like, kind of like, Hey, have you heard this album or whatever? I’ll get that or yeah, proof of life. And, and, and so, yes, it is easier to stay in touch because you don’t have to, it doesn’t have to be a call.

[00:25:27] Jeff: And I think, I think, especially when as a parent thinking of the two of us here, like when you’re anxious, like one of the things I was really trying to do, we would only talk like every couple of days or do only talk every couple of days, but I was like, I don’t want to. I don’t want to burden him in any way with any of my anxiety.

[00:25:46] Jeff: Um, if he’s describing something and it makes me worried or I project or whatever, like, and so if you’re, if you’re doing more texting and phone calling, it’s a little easier to control that, to like, just, just be really like. [00:26:00] Mindful of like, I don’t, we’re both going through our own very different thing and I want us to both know that we miss each other and all that stuff.

[00:26:08] Jeff: But like, I don’t want to put my like, grown up ass dad anxieties onto his just freed himself into the world, you know, feelings.

[00:26:19] Brett: I did not have to deal with this at all. I, I went to the U of M, so I was only a couple hours away from my folks, but I was so happy to get to know them. Get out of town. Um, I had like almost no contact with my parents for that first year of college and my roommate, my dorm mate was my best friend from high school and really the only friend that I cared to keep in touch with.

[00:26:44] Brett: Uh, so I lived with him. My girlfriend had gone to the U of M the year before. Um, so I was basically getting out of a long term relationship by going to college. And like everyone I needed to communicate with was there in [00:27:00] my life and I had like no anxiety. It was, it was so exciting to be on my own and away from what I considered a pretty oppressive environment.

[00:27:11] Brett: And yeah, it was, it was different than what you’re describing.

[00:27:16] Jeff: Well, and that thing too. Oh, go ahead,

[00:27:18] Christina: No, I was just going to say, but you know, it, but it’s also like your, it’s your parents react, you know, um, experience. I’m sure it was also different from Jeff’s, but like, it was different from what you were going through too. Right. Like, I’m sure, however they felt about you being gone and how you felt about being gone.

[00:27:32] Christina: Like, you know,

[00:27:33] Brett: think it was a huge relief that I was gone.

[00:27:36] Christina: yeah, there might’ve been that, right. But it’s just like, but it just, you know, we remember like our perspectives. Like I, I’ve, I’m going to be honest until these conversations, I’ve never even really thought about like what it was like for my parents. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:48] Jeff: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:49] Christina: Honestly, like it’s never even really even occurred to me to be thinking about like, oh, well, how do they feel about, you know, us being gone?

[00:27:55] Christina: We weren’t that far. Like my sister was home more often than I was, but I, [00:28:00] you know, it was 30 minutes away and still came home some weekends to, to work, um, and, and do laundry. Um, but, and, and that happened less and less. That was really only the first year. And then after that, yeah, I was like half an hour away.

[00:28:12] Christina: Um, and so it wasn’t, I don’t know. I never even really kind of like anticipated like, what’s it like for them to not have us there? Um, I, I imagined that it was relief, but, but it never really occurred to me, you know what I mean? Like, it wasn’t one of those, one of those things that was kind of like, top of mind at all.

[00:28:32] Christina: Um, which is interesting to kind of like, you know, think about, be like, oh, yeah, no. What were they, you know, going through? Now when I moved to New York, that might have been different. But I’ll also kind of admit at that point, like, I was older and whatnot, and I, you know, haven’t ever, like, thought too intensely about like, oh, you know, how does this make my mom feel, you know?

[00:28:54] Jeff: When there’s, I think, yeah, right, right. And I know I, and I didn’t think about it just because I didn’t go to college. Like [00:29:00] I, I moved out, moved into Minneapolis from the suburbs and, and was here for a long time. Then I started going to like scary places at a young age. And I don’t know how the fuck they dealt with that.

[00:29:09] Jeff: But like, uh, but I, the other big thing, right? Like for both parents and the individual is like, did you launch or did you escape? Right? Like, and I escaped, uh, not escaped like the clutches of my mother, but like escaped. My life as a kid in school. And as a kid in the suburbs and all that stuff, I escaped and I, I, I’ll leave it to my son to tell to, to know whether he launched or escaped.

[00:29:35] Jeff: It feels like a launch from my end.

[00:29:37] Christina: Yeah.

[00:29:39] Jeff: Yeah. Ah, yeah. Well, thanks. I thought that would be quick, but man, it’s, it’s definitely like the thing that’s always on my mind. It’s such a new, it’s new. Like I it’s, I he’s 18, right? It’s 18 years. He’s been in my house. I see him every day. I say good night to him. I say, good morning to him.

[00:29:54] Jeff: Like, you know, like

[00:29:56] Christina: You’re close and you have a, and you have a good relationship, which is also, [00:30:00] which is also like different, right? Like that’s not everyone’s situation. Like, like, um, you know, um,

[00:30:04] Brett: that’s actually a rarity.

[00:30:06] Christina: I think so. I mean, well, for both ends, right? Both for parents and for the kids, right? Well, especially when, um, and I would say, cause I definitely have like some friends who are close with their kids, but like, um, one of my friends, like his son is a senior in high school and is going to be going to school, not that far from him, like, you know, um, in the same state, you know, a couple hours.

[00:30:26] Christina: Right. And so I don’t know, What their situation is going to be like, but they also, um, uh, he’s divorced. And so he doesn’t, he’s not with, you know, his kids full time all the time. So I, I don’t know like how much of their day to day will change, but if you’re close, you know, like that’s, that’s, that, that’s a, that’s a different dynamic.

[00:30:44] Christina: Like I was close. I’m closer with my mom now, but like, I was close with my parents or I guess close to my mom. Like, I wasn’t really close with my dad, but wasn’t not close, but also I wasn’t 11 hours away. Right. Like I try to imagine like, what would have been like, like if I had gone to New York for college, um, right [00:31:00] away.

[00:31:00] Christina: Right. Like, and, and have that sort of experience. Um, I will say it was interesting because there were defi