306: A Special Episode with Bryan and Quinn

A Special Episode with Bryan and Quinn

[00:00:00] Brett:

[00:00:03] Hey listeners, you are in for a weird episode of Overtired this week. Um, both Christina and Jeff have had to take the week off for differing reasons. Uh, so it’s me, Brett Terpstra, and I am here with two special guests from the technically Queer podcast. We have Brian Guffy and Quinn Pollock. How are you doing?

[00:00:29] Bryan: Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

[00:00:32] Quinn: Pretty well considering. Brian gave me one minute notice and I’m just vibing. I’m pretty good, pretty

[00:00:38] Brett: I’m super psyched that you were available with one minute notice.

[00:00:43] Bryan: Quinn’s pretty talented, as you say. Quinn, you have adhd, so you’re always ready to talk.

[00:00:47] Quinn: always prepared to talk. The brain is going a thousand miles an hour. What will come out? Mostly something put together, you know, hopefully.

[00:00:55] Brett: And Brian, you have ADHD too, right?

[00:00:58] Bryan: Oh yeah, [00:01:00] absolutely. Yeah,

[00:01:00] Brett: So this is, this is a very adhd. It usually is, but we have, we have replaced our two usual regular ADHD cohost with two new ADHD cohosts, um,

[00:01:15] Bryan: and honestly, like what you’re probably getting is double Christina and less Jeff in this when you think about the energy, honestly. Um, Jeff is, Jeff is an orchestrator like nobody else.

[00:01:27] Brett: kidding.

[00:01:28] Bryan: Uh, he’s amazing.

[00:01:30] Quinn: If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s an orchestrator,

[00:01:33] Brett: Same. That’s, that’s three non orchestrators trying to put together an episode here. Um, but, uh, but I would love it if you two who know each other way better than I do, if you two kind of want to interview slash introduce each other to the Overtired audience.

[00:01:54] Bryan: Yeah, absolutely. Um, Quinn. I’ve been on this show before, so I’ll start by interviewing [00:02:00] you.

[00:02:00] Quinn: I was gonna recommend that, That was my

[00:02:02] Bryan: yeah. Excellent. Okay, Quinn, so can you tell me, uh, a little bit about yourself? Where are you from? What do you do? Um, yeah, and like, what is, and then some, something fun about yourself. We’re doing icebreakers on technically queer.

[00:02:16] Oh, no. What’s your, what? What is, what are your mental illnesses? That’s my

[00:02:20] Quinn: What are my mental illnesses? Okay. I love that. Um, okay, so my name’s Quinn already been spoken. I’m actually a Canadian. I come from America’s hat, um, AK Canada, ak, um, the Place Without a Roof. Um, I joke there’s a long joke that no one understands about that.

[00:02:36] Where America’s on fire, we don’t have a roof. That’s the connection. But yeah, I’m from Canada. I grew up in Ontario, Toronto, the the one city people know, and now I live in beautiful British Columbia, aka Vancouver. That’s the city. Uh, what do I do? I’m a programmer. Um, I program for my job. I work at, uh, yet to be unnamed company.

[00:02:57] Uh, it’s one of the ones, it’s very important, if you google [00:03:00] my name, it’s the first thing that shows up. So I pretend like no one will know if I don’t say it, but it’s literally the first thing that will show up if you Google my name. So it’s, it’s not a secret.

[00:03:10] Brett: right.

[00:03:10] Bryan: it’s Amazon.

[00:03:11] Quinn: Yeah, it’s Amazon. It’s Amazon. I work for amazon.com specifically.com.

[00:03:15] Um, uh, and yeah, I’m a programmer. Uh, and I also, uh, I guess, you know, I’m a podcaster now. I’ve decided I’m on technically queer. Uh, it’s a podcast. I had a role playing game podcast for a bit. Don’t google it as bad. Um, and uh, yeah, my mental illness is okay, so like, actually officially my only official diagnosed mental illness.

[00:03:40] Is autism. Uh, I have, I have a touch of theism, one might say, Uh, but, uh, everyone I know is like, You have adhd. It’s impossible that you don’t. And I’m like, Well, yeah, that checks out. I believe that. Uh, but I’m getting diagnosed. You can’t have a doctor in Canada. Good luck getting diagnosed. So, [00:04:00] uh, I don’t actually officially have it, but you’ll learn by listening that I, in fact, probably I do.

[00:04:07] Uh, and you know, I,

[00:04:10] Bryan: language?

[00:04:11] Quinn: Okay, so that’s an impossible question to answer, um,

[00:04:15] Bryan: Your currently favorite.

[00:04:17] Quinn: well, okay, so my current favorite in my heart and soul, Is the rust programming language, but it’s actually too complicated to get things that I wanna do done in it. Um, and so, uh, I, as a, I, I’m a web developer. I love making silly, stupid little websites.

[00:04:32] Uh, so, you know, I, I work in JavaScript. I work in type script. We’re all too mean to her. Um, and we need to be nicer to JavaScript. She’s a mess, but she’s put, she’s a work workhorse, you know, Rust knows what’s going on, puts it all well together, but, you know, doesn’t actually do. That’s I, Now, now, now Rust does a lot, but JavaScript’s the workhorse.

[00:04:55] And, uh, I think we, we need, we need more, more, more respect for JavaScript.

[00:04:59] Brett: [00:05:00] Do, do, just do Russ and JavaScript relate to each other in any way. Is there, So I haven’t gotten into Russ yet. It’s. Rust and go are kind of next to my to-do list vying for my attention. Um, I’m mostly interested in learning rust. Uh, I am, I am adept at JavaScript. Will JavaScript help me get into rust?

[00:05:21] Quinn: No,

[00:05:22] Brett: No.

[00:05:23] Quinn: rust is, Rust is complicated, but the compiler helps you out. Um, and rust and JavaScript are related because, uh, everyone’s writing their things in rust to compile JavaScript because it’s slow. So like Next js, which is one of the like big new JavaScript frameworks, the compiler for that is written in Speedy Web compiler, which is written in Rust.

[00:05:45] They just rewrote their web pack engine called Turbo Pack, that’s also written in Rust. Rust is being used a lot for like, JavaScript, like low level stuff to make it faster because JavaScript is slow. Like if, if, I don’t know [00:06:00] if you heard about Dino, it’s like that other JavaScript engine. So there’s no Js, No js is what most people used to run JavaScript on the server.

[00:06:07] The person that wrote that was like, It’s bad and I don’t like it. And it’s written c plus plus and it makes it things. So wrote a new engine for the server called Dino, which is funny cuz it’s like Node but swapped

[00:06:19] Brett: All that.

[00:06:21] Quinn: D e n o.

[00:06:22] Brett: Okay.

[00:06:24] Quinn: Um, and that’s written in rust. Uh, so Rust is being used a lot. The community is really good.

[00:06:29] I think that’s one thing that people really like about it, is like, it has really like good community and, um, it’s very safe. It’s fun. Um, I think it lets you do a lot of cool stuff, uh, but it’s definitely angry all the time. Whenever you use it, you’re like, it’s like, don’t, you can’t do that. And you’re like, But I want to.

[00:06:46] And it’s like, No, you can’t do that. And you’re like, Why? And it’s like, because I need to be memory safe.

[00:06:51] Bryan: what’s the other thing about Russ that really like aligns you with it that people

[00:06:56] Quinn: it’s, that’s the, it’s the most transgender programming language [00:07:00] obviously. Um, there’s a lot of like, there’s a lot of like trans people that are like helping move rust forward and like big in the rust community. There’s one like thing that people use to learn rust. It’s called, um, it’s an unofficial guide to rust, learning rust with too many linked lists.

[00:07:17] And at one point there’s a funny trans joke, uh, in it because the trans community’s big on Russ. There’s like, my friend once sent me a meme, which was like the before Russ programming language, and it was a little anime boy, and it was after the Russ programming language. And uh, it became, uh, it became like a trans person.

[00:07:39] So it’s just very, it’s very trans. It’s very funny. Um, and, uh, I really like it. I like kind of got into it a little bit because of that, but I also think like it’s cool that what it can do at its goals and stuff. But yeah, I feel like that’s, that’s the vibe.

[00:07:55] Bryan: Great. Um, wonderful. So how [00:08:00] do you, uh, what do you want to know about me Quinn?

[00:08:03] Quinn: What? Oh, Brian, I have important question about you. Yeah. Okay. Important question. So you a where, where, where you’ve been on this before, so maybe you’ve said where in the world you are, but it’s always fun to know that question. Uh, and then, uh, I’m gonna throw it back to you. What mental illnesses do you have and, uh, what mental illnesses do you probably have?

[00:08:23] Bryan: Sure. Absolutely. So, uh, my name is Brian Guffy. I am not Carmen San Diego, which means that I have been in Southern California, nor around Los Angeles for the past couple of years. Before that I lived in Ohio. I lived in, I lived in Ohio the most in my life, but I was born in Kansas and I’ve also lived in New York City and the Chicago suburbs.

[00:08:46] Um, uh, my mental illness is boy, uh, adhd, diagnosed when I was six years old. So I’ve been on medication since six years old. Um, and then, Also [00:09:00] generalized anxiety disorder, um, uh, illness, anxiety disorder, and, uh, complex ptsd. And then also, I haven’t been diagnosed, but also probably a bit of the, my therapists basically agreed with me that I have autism, but she’s like, I’m not an autism specialist, so I can’t diagnose you with it.

[00:09:23] Um, so yeah, I mean, that’s me. I think, uh, I, yeah, that, those are my mental illnesses. And I, this is my like fifth time on, uh, Overtired. And I am definitely tired today. I didn’t get a lot of sleep, um, because my ADHD caused me and my boyfriend to have a little fight yesterday because the hardest thing for an ADHD person, at least my version of ADHD, is when I’m happy to, to say less.

[00:09:54] Right, to just be like, Oh, you told me something important about your life or thing that you’re working on. [00:10:00] All I need to say is that’s great. I support you. Not, Oh, did you think about it this way? yeah.

[00:10:11] Brett: I, uh, yeah, no, I’m pretty good at, at, uh, when my partner tells me something that is j like she’s in a good mood. Great, great story. Whatever I’m pretty good at, just like, That’s awesome. Um, I support you. Uh, she tends to like, ask questions like perfectly legitimate questions about whatever. I’m excited and, and it will like, it’ll like bring my mood down cuz like, suddenly I’ll have to like face some reality that I hadn’t considered before when my mood was elevated.

[00:10:43] Um, it gets, it gets messy, but

[00:10:47] Bryan: Yeah. That happens with me and my boyfriend. It is like we’re both navigating this thing where we’re like, can we say something to each other without it causing one of us to be upset and, [00:11:00] and like letting go. Both. Letting go of the, like the worry about that, but then also like, Being aware that that’s probably a place where your partner is.

[00:11:09] So to give them the space where you can hold your reaction, you know, and think about it with yourself is just difficult. And we’re both working and tired. Like who? Who invented work? Why?

[00:11:24] Brett: this’ll lead into our mental health corner. But Quinn, do you see a therapist for your autism?

[00:11:30] Quinn: Okay, so for my autism, no. Do I see a therapist? Yes. Do I talk about autism all the time? Is it officially for autism? No,

[00:11:41] Brett: But does your, Is your therap, does your therapist understand autism?

[00:11:45] Quinn: I would say, yeah,

[00:11:47] Brett: Okay. That okay? That’s what I was actually asking. Do you see a therapist that understands autism?

[00:11:52] Quinn: I would say, yeah. Um, I think I like my therapist. She’s good and I think she like understands my brain in [00:12:00] a way, which is helpful cuz

[00:12:02] Brett: Yeah.

[00:12:03] Quinn: brains are silly, you know?

[00:12:06] Brett: Yeah. My, my girlfriend with autism has a therapist that she loves and, uh, and she gets advice and, and coping mechanisms and techniques and things from her therapist that I don’t think she could get anywhere else, and that have made her life immeasurably better. And like, that’s Brian, That’s why, like, I would love if you could get an actual diagnosis so that you could put, I mean, you could, you could talk to a therapist about it either way.

[00:12:41] Bryan: Yeah, I talked to my therapist about it. I don’t know how much experience she has with autism particularly, and honestly, I’m not sure how much experience she has with adhd particularly. I chose this therapist because I wanted to really work [00:13:00] on, um, like race, like, like some of the, some of the stuff related to like being a black person and a queer person in a, in, in America at the time that I chose her.

[00:13:13] But yeah, now there is this other stuff that sort of like lays on top of some of my, my traumas. Like we were. We had, I had a, Nathan and I had a big fight last week, and, but it turned out that like, I thought it was because, oh, I don’t feel like I deserve to be in a relationship, But it turned out she was like, No, I think that what it is is that you are afraid of being abandoned and because of what’s happened to you in the past, and you don’t deal with that like you or, and, or like the grief that, like the relationship that you, you know, there’s always a difference between the relationship you want and the relationship you have, like the ideal relationship and the real one that you have.

[00:13:58] And you have [00:14:00] to be able to like, hold space for the idea that my relationship is not everything that I wanted, but it, it is incredibly valuable to me, Especially I’m, I’m Polly. So that’s the other piece of it, right? Is that every relationship, like if I’m not getting something in one relationship, I can get it in another, but.

[00:14:20] She pointed out to me, you need to hold space for the fact that like you aren’t getting everything that you thought you would get in your primary relationship. And so you have to be able to talk about that. Otherwise, it’s going to make you feel unsafe or threatened if that those things are given to somebody else.

[00:14:44] Um, and then it’s just gonna cause you to be resentful and then act like you don’t deserve to be in the relationship. So there’s like a whole nother level she went under and I was like, Wow, I didn’t expect that.

[00:14:55] Quinn: Therapy. It’s good.

[00:14:58] Bryan: You know?

[00:14:59] Brett: I, [00:15:00] I

[00:15:00] Bryan: my mental health is iffy. Brett. It’s iffy right now.

[00:15:04] Brett: I chose my therapist first and foremost based on someone who wasn’t faith based. Uh, which in the town where I live, like, uh, I would guess about half of the therapists available here are faith based. And I needed someone who could recognize what kind of trauma, fundamentalist upbringing and flicks on, on, especially young queer people, but just kids in general.

[00:15:33] Like you convince a kid if they’re going to hell and like, and if they make the wrong choices, they’ll burn for eternity. You will fuck a kid up. And um, so that was my first and and foremost, uh, consideration. I. Think he, he’s great with bipolar. Like he has, he has impressed the hell out of me with understanding my particular [00:16:00] brand of bipolar, which I have come to realize is psychia.

[00:16:04] Um, but, uh, like he’s super well versed in that I do not, when I, when I talk to him about finding like, coping strategies for adhd, he doesn’t seem to have, um, any insightful answers beyond what, you know, I get from YouTube anyway. Um, but, but he’s been great for bipolar, he’s been great for working through some religious trauma and, uh, figuring out how to talk to my parents without freaking out.

[00:16:36] Um, so any, I have an appointment with him. I canceled an appointment with him today because I had to pick my dad up from surgery. Uh, Um, but he was able to reschedule with me at like 4:30 PM my time, which is way later than I would usually wanna do anything that required emotional, uh, [00:17:00] resilience at all.

[00:17:01] Um, so we’ll see how that goes. But my, my quick check in is I am, um, um, I’m depressed. Uh, I’m, I’m functioning fine. I’m getting my work done. I’m able to show up for everything, but I’m definitely having, uh, thoughts like the, one of the signs when I get depressed is I start analyzing my relationship and seeing problems where there aren’t problems and, and, uh, and I have to be very careful not to freak out on my girlfriend.

[00:17:39] Uh, because I see some failing in our relationship or in her or in myself, that if I step back and look at like long term patterns is not a real thing, uh, but in the moment it seems very real and I can blow shit up. Uh, because this right now seems like a real [00:18:00] problem. And, and, and it always has been in my mind.

[00:18:03] Um, and she is very adept at talking me down and pointing out, Well, you seem a little depressed right now. Could that, could that have any effect on what you’re feeling about this? And she’s, she’s a fucking pro at dealing with my, my moods. I greatly appreciate her. Um, but that’s, that’s my check in. I’ll turn it over to, uh, to Brian for a quick check in.

[00:18:31] Bryan: Yeah, my quick check in. Is again, like I’m a little, anxious about the like, recurrent arguments that my boyfriend and I have been having and, and trying to figure out how to, like I’m in this space right now where I’m not sure where, when like things are, um, an overreaction versus like [00:19:00] an honest thing that I should communicate, you know, because, uh, the dynamic is that. He’s, it’s just that I take up so much space in a room and he naturally is an, is an accommodator so if I’m not, if I’m not careful, I will take up all of the space and he will be like, I don’t feel like I have any space to be me. And everything becomes about you. And yeah. And I think I realize, I think to some degree like that’s an defense mechanism for me where I just am so used to other people not thinking about me, that it’s kind of hard to believe that here’s this person who, like, before they bring something up to me, they’ve already thought about how it might impact me.

[00:19:49] Brett: Yeah.

[00:19:50] Bryan: so I don’t have to do that work and like effectively take the focus away from them. I can just let them have their focus and like, [00:20:00] They suggested like asking questions instead of making statements, and I think that’s a thing I wanna learn about doing more, which is like, I’m interested in what you said.

[00:20:08] Can you tell me more? Instead of, So you, so what you’re really saying is this the difference between

[00:20:14] Brett: Oh

[00:20:14] Quinn: Yeah, that’s

[00:20:15] Brett: need to learn that I, I speak in hypotheticals. Um, I will, I will state my hypothesis with the intention that whoever hears it will say, Well, actually no, or Here’s what’s wrong with that. But I state it as, as a statement. And for people like, especially my girlfriend, like she will initially take that as I’ve made up my mind, here’s how it is.

[00:20:42] And, and not as me proposing a hypothesis, but as me like saying, this is my mind and it can’t be changed. And I have worked hard to begin. And sometimes I will say the hypothesis, but then I will immediately follow it with a question like, So what do you think about that? And like, [00:21:00] make it open for discussion.

[00:21:02] But that’s definitely, that’s a failing that I have long.

[00:21:07] Quinn: Yeah, I think that’s, I’m like a notorious poke hole. In thing. Like I see things and I like find like little holes and I’m like, poke, poke, poke. And I’m like, One, I think this is, this is definitely a bit of autism. Like one, it’s okay if someone’s a little bit wrong. Let’s let people have fun. And two, not everything needs to be a problem.

[00:21:27] And just like, I think there’s like also, I saw that one thing with the like adhd, you like communicate to people by telling stories about yourself and you’re like, I feel you. Cuz one time this thing happened to me and they’re like, Can’t we just talk about me? And I’m like, Oh, I am trying to talk about you.

[00:21:42] I’m just telling you that I get it from a me story. And they’re like, No, then you’re talking about yourself. And I’m like, Okay. And yeah, like just

[00:21:51] Brett: our way of connecting. That’s our way of saying that. I, I understand what you’re saying. Here’s something similar that’s happened to me. We don’t need to talk [00:22:00] about it. I’m just letting you know, like there’s this, I, I feel a connection. This is how I’m relating to what you’re saying. And that is for that, that often comes across as, Oh yeah, let’s make this all about.

[00:22:13] Bryan: Well, and I think the thing I would say, and then I’ll pass it to you, Quinn, for a good check in, is that what happens is they are so used to, many people are used to, um, they’re not used to the focus changing. Like they’re not used to somebody bringing that up in that way. But number two, what they’ve been taught to do is when somebody says, Ah, yeah, this thing happened to me in this similar way, is that they’ve been taught to say, Oh, tell me more about that.

[00:22:40] Right? So they feel the pressure internally to do the socially appropriate thing in that situation, which is then make it about us. And so there is this thing where it’s. We’re all just sort of operating and trying to like survive in the social like scripts that [00:23:00] we exist in. And so I try to remember that just as much as I’m trying to communicate with them, they’re trying to communicate with me.

[00:23:08] And it may be that like, like I need to be like, Oh man, you know, I can imagine that that would be a difficult experience, that those words coming out of my mouth are actually in my head. I went through that once and it was a difficult experience.

[00:23:27] Quinn: Yeah.

[00:23:28] Brett: Yeah,

[00:23:28] Bryan: or say one time this I, I had a similar experience and I just want to share that with you so that you know that I’m empathizing with you.

[00:23:40] You know? Now let’s talk about you, you know, and do some of those

[00:23:44] Brett: say the, you say the words like you say out loud. What was, Yeah.

[00:23:49] Quinn: Yeah. I think like the, like, Yeah. What the talk about you’re, you’re like, Okay, I did the thing I, like, sometimes you’re like, I can’t stop my brain from being like, Here’s this one thing that happened to me related to that thing. Whoa. And then I’m like, [00:24:00] um, then I was like, Then you have to be like, Okay, like let’s move back to you.

[00:24:06] Or like, you know, how did that, And you’re like, say the word and stop being like, Bring it all towards yourself. Cuz I feel like it’s super easy to like do that and then Yeah, like back and forth social script and you’re like, Oh whoops. I was speaking to someone that doesn’t do this. Cause it is always really funny when you’re speaking to someone else that is adhd and you back and forth tell stories about yourself.

[00:24:28] Brett: yeah, and you can do that for hours.

[00:24:30] Quinn: Yeah. Forever.

[00:24:31] Brett: just riff off each other for hours.

[00:24:33] Quinn: Yeah.

[00:24:33] Brett: what sucks is when, when you do it to somebody who. Says, that’s not the exact same thing that I’m talking about. They don’t look at it as like, Okay, so you had a similar experience and, and you reacted in a similar way to me, and that’s how you’re relating to me.

[00:24:51] They look at it as like, Yeah, that’s not what happened to me, and you are clearly wrong because it’s not the exact same [00:25:00] situation, and then they’re offended that you tried to relate in that way, and that always gets me into trouble.

[00:25:07] Quinn: That is wild.

[00:25:09] Bryan: Yeah, I mean that’s what, that’s what happened yesterday is like I said, a thing that offended my boyfriend because I thought I was saying a thing that was being helpful, and that’s the hardest thing to like wrap your feelings around and be like, Wow, I just really messed up there. Like what I thought I was communicating isn’t what you received.

[00:25:28] And the only thing that we can do, and this is a hard thing for me, is like all I can do is control my communication. I can’t control the way that they’re going to respond, nor is it helpful for me to tell them to respond differently.

[00:25:41] Quinn: Feelings are true even if you’re like, But no, that’s not what I meant. The person still felt that thing and that was still true. You know?

[00:25:48] Brett: Are you able to have this conversation though, and explain that the way you, what you meant wasn’t the way it was received and, and to talk it through

[00:25:59] Bryan: Yes, [00:26:00] but, and here’s the, but I want to talk it through until he’s not upset anymore. And he has told me very clearly any conversation that goes longer than 10 minutes, he is being accommodating because he is an extreme introvert,

[00:26:23] Brett: Yep.

[00:26:23] Bryan: And it’s very much like this is the thing that we’re doing. And like yesterday, I literally canceled attending a meeting to keep talking to him because I thought that was the right thing to do.

[00:26:36] But also because like the one time he tried to end the conversation, he was still upset and I was like, I can’t have you still upset at me. So I have to keep the conversation going instead of, I’m so bad. I’m so bad at feeling bad, and like being comfortable, feeling bad for a little bit and then letting it.

[00:26:55] Brett: Yeah. I have trouble with that too. I learned from my ex-wife that, [00:27:00] um, sometimes. And this is not why she’s my ex-wife, but like sometimes in a, in an argument, uh, space, like some time for the other person to collect their thoughts instead of constant, constantly trying to, uh, speak your mind is not a way to collect your thoughts for introverts.

[00:27:23] Like introverts need time alone. To come to their own conclusions before they can effectively communicate them, to try to communicate externally in the moment, leads to literally thinking out loud and some of your thoughts might be wrong, and then you misspeak and then you’re in trouble. So I learned to give her space to think, and in the process realized that’s really good for me too.

[00:27:49] Um, and yeah, there are times where I’ll, I’ll go down to my little den, uh, watch a TV show and I’ll be angry about whatever’s happening, but just [00:28:00] kinda put it on pause for a little while. And it’s been a really good coping mechanism because, and I’m the same, like I have a 10 minute limit too. I can only discuss a matter of the heart, something that offended me, something that upset us.

[00:28:15] I got about, I got about 10 minutes, and then, and then I need, I need it to either be over resolved or I need a break. I get that.

[00:28:25] Quinn: I’m there was a, Life where I thought I was, uh, an introvert, and I’m the least introvert, I think out loud. I think on my feet, I move forward. Um, and just kind of like, yeah, I totally could see how I’m like, Please, people who, like, you’ve talked enough, it’s fine. We, we can move on. And I’m like, No. Like, this is how I think, you know?

[00:28:44] Um, and I think, yeah, the like, feeling bad, I’ll, I’ll pull this into my mental health check-in, but like, feeling okay about feeling bad is something that I’ve been really working on. Like, I think, like, I’m like, I feel like one thing that I always wanna do is solve my own brain problems. You’re like, you’re feeling bad and you’re like, [00:29:00] Why do I feel this bad?

[00:29:01] Let’s dive deep into the psyche to solve this problem. And the answer is, one, you’re gonna feel worse. Two, you’re not solving this problem right now. It’s not gonna happen. You can’t solve the years of brain problems that you have. It’s. You can just move on. Um, and like it’s okay to feel bad right now. We can figure out that.

[00:29:20] And you know, like giving yourself the grace that you like, wanna give others about feeling bad. I feel like something that I’ve been working on and I feel like to mental health checkin, um, I’ve been talking about this with some people. I’ve been having like a bad executive function week. I feel like instead of doing anything, I’ve been staring at walls being like I should start something and then I start nothing and I stare at a wall and then I pick something up and then I just like do something that I shouldn’t be doing for like 40 minutes.

[00:29:45] I don’t know. I think the funniest thing, I was like this today I’m gonna make chicken soup and while it’s going I’m gonna clean my apartment cuz it’s sitting in the oven for a while. That’s so much time. But no, there’s no such thing as passive time. I’m thinking about the chicken. A hundred percent of [00:30:00] the time I’m sitting on the couch being like, I could be cleaning, but I must think about the chicken soup being made.

[00:30:05] There’s no, there’s no passive cooking time, There’s no doing this other thing. So instead I just sat down and stayed at the oven for like an hour and a half. I’m like, this is what I’m doing right now. I’m watching the oven. Um,

[00:30:19] Bryan: can I give you, can I give you a fun tip for that? That has worked for

[00:30:22] Quinn: yeah, I love fun tips.

[00:30:25] Bryan: Set a timer, even like a five minute timer and say, I know the chicken soup is going to take 90 minutes. I’m going to take five of those minutes with this timer and the, the timer is your motivated factor to do something for just five minutes.

[00:30:40] Cuz part of what’s happening is, I think, is that, you know, that you could get time blindness and it could be four hours later. And so you’re worried that you’re going to miss the chicken soup. And so if you say, I’m going to take little chunks of time and give myself a timer in there, then like, it’s not a whole 90 minutes you [00:31:00] have to fill, which you’re like, Oh fuck, I’m gonna miss the soup,

[00:31:03] Quinn: That’s, that’s very fair. I feel like, yeah, there’s like a love of like, I’ve been talking about this cuz I think like there’s a lot of people that I feel like have this autism, ADHD combo and I think I haven’t, I have an official autism diagnosis and what that gives me is knowledge, but that’s it. It’s free, you know, you get it and it’s free.

[00:31:23] You can’t really do anything about it except get knowledge and work it through. But people with adhd, it’s not free, but you get some sort of like attempted medication, you know? And so like it’s a more important diagnosis to some people cuz there’s a attempt other than just thinking about your brain a lot to do something about it, you know.

[00:31:44] Brett: Yeah.

[00:31:44] Quinn: I, that’s why like, I don’t know, I was talking to my friend who is like an official ADHD diagnosis, but thinks that like they have autism and they’re like, Oh, but I’m not totally sure. And I’m like, You can just decide you have autism and move with that fact and see what happens. You know, [00:32:00] we can move along with that fact cuz it’s just like a, I like to joke that like, there’s a lot of things in your life.

[00:32:05] Autism, I think is one of them, is like, you get to replay the movie of your life, but you know, the, you know, the, you know, the twist ending. You’re like, Oh, this makes so much sense. This is why everything was being weird. Um

[00:32:18] Brett: is, this has been a point of contention on this podcast before because Christina is very anti self diagnosis. Um, but I have learned from the autism community that it’s a real, it’s a privilege to be able to get a diagnosis, to have the, uh, funds and resources available to get an official autism diagnosis.

[00:32:43] And there is so much information out there that it is possible. To say, Yes, this applies to me. This explains, this is a theory that explains my natural order in such a way that I can confidently [00:33:00] say I am autistic. And then, and then fucking roll with that and, and learn what you need to learn.

[00:33:07] Quinn: Like I think the reality is like having an official autism diagnosis versus being like, this is what I think feels like, does, like, you know, having an official autism and gives you a piece of paper that confirms you something, that belief and there’s some value to that, but like there’s no like, and now here’s what we move forward doing.

[00:33:26] That, that is like only possible because of the diagnosis. that’s why like, I think like self-diagnosis for some things is like, you know, I understand why people have some like troubles with it or whatever. Um, but I mean, I’m a big self-determination like type of person. I think like it comes like I think a little bit with the I’m trans, I think like comes with the like, you know, trans and like label in a ways, like you’re putting that self-determination to do something and I don’t need like some person to be like, Correct check mark.

[00:33:56] You know? Cause like there’s just layers of blockers [00:34:00] that we’ve put on top of that. And there’s a reality of like, I mean with being trans different cuz it’s like, again, like it’s one of those, like once you get official label you can asterisk go search up, uh, informed consent, but. Like once you get an official label, there’s things that you can do to move forward with it that you didn’t get access to before.

[00:34:20] But there’s so many things in this world that like if it feels right with you and you can move forward, like you don’t, like getting an official wording doesn’t give you like direct access to something other than like the ability to think about that. And you don’t need some doctor to tell you that in my brain.

[00:34:34] You can start to look at your life in that way and then you can just be wrong. It’s fine. Like whatever.

[00:34:41] Bryan: Yeah. One of the things that I think, so I, uh, will be the unofficial Christina, uh, whisperer here is that I think Christina is Christina is a, is a person who often sees [00:35:00] the, uh, the consequences of a situation before she sees the opportunities in a situation.

[00:35:07] Quinn: A whole poker as one might say,

[00:35:09] Bryan: Yeah. And so she, yeah. And so she’s like, Wow.

[00:35:12] What happens is these things, like these people, these people do this thing and it causes this effect. And,

[00:35:20] Brett: like people who, when everyone’s like, Oh yeah, I’m, I’m a little adhd, or obviously I’m adhd, and, and ADHD is, is more of an area where I do think you need an official diagnosis because that’s how you get treatment. That’s how, that’s how you understand it. Autism is a different beast

[00:35:38] Bryan: And, and right. As I’m reading, one of the things that I read recently on a Twitter, and I’ll have to find the treat, but somebody said, Autism is a neurotype not an illness. And the concept here is that neurotypes are simply different. The idea is that, uh, there’s many [00:36:00] different natural forms of very human wiring in the brain.

[00:36:03] That’s where neurodiversity comes from. And so a neurotype is like the, like neurotypicals are like the so-called normal neurotype and is, you know, so everybody, everybody has a neurotype. So neurodiversity in this format is like, we’re all neurotypes. We’re all neurodiverse. It’s just which neurotype do we have?

[00:36:28] And what level of occurrence is that? So the, the autistic neurotype, the adhd neurotype, right? Like these are just different ways. Our brains are wired and think in the world. And so instead of saying you need an autism diagnosis, recognizing that you have an autistic neurotype means that you can. Think about what that means compared to how other people with a different neurotype operate.

[00:36:58] And so you can work to figure out your [00:37:00] communication differences, and I think that’s really interesting.

[00:37:03] Quinn: Yeah, like I, I think like I, I understand the like kind of consequence cuz like, I think with the ADHD thing, like, you know, it’s probably pretty dangerous to try to just like self-medicate cuz you’re like, I think I might have ADHD if you actually like don’t, and you’ve read some stuff and like, I think like there’s like a level of like that.

[00:37:21] But I think like,

[00:37:22] Brett: there’s no way to legally self-medicate for

[00:37:24] Quinn: Exactly right. Like there’s no way to legally, you know, other than maybe drinking 30 billion monster energies a day or whatever like that, you know? Um, but I think there’s like a level of just like the way that you can change your modes of thinking, um, and kind of move into that I think is something that I think a lot about the like general autism thing, cuz it’s like a yeah, I was joking.

[00:37:46] Like, you know, it’s, it’s your, it’s, you get it for free, you know, if you have it, congratulations, you’re not paying for anything to help you with it. You might pay paying for therapy, but you’re just, it’s just like a think thought process in a way. And like ways of [00:38:00] changing your way of thinking of interacting with things.

[00:38:02] So

[00:38:03] Brett: Yeah. So we, we, we need to, we need to end the mental health corner at some point, but I feel like Quinn, you haven’t really gotten an opportunity to offer your quick mental health

[00:38:15] Quinn: Oh yeah. My, my mental health check-in is just that I’m mostly, actually surprisingly fine. Uh, other than my inability to focus on anything, My brain is deeply broken and staring at walls. But other than that, given the fact that it’s becoming dark at four o’clock, now it’s five o’clock. But, um, I’m doing pretty good because I definitely get to like, you know, it’s dark at four o’clock.

[00:38:36] What am I gonna do? I’m stuck in my tiny apartment forever life. But I’ve had like limited, like, external conflicts that are causing bad brain vibes. Um, I’ve just had, I should be doing something, but instead I’m gonna stare at the wall, which is unfortunate. But, you know, we’re working through it. We’re moving through it.