251: Hiding a Body on Fboy Island

251

[00:00:00] Brett: Hey, um, this is Brett. Welcome to overtired. I’m here with Christina and our special guest, Aaron Dawson. Uh, first off, how’s it going, Christina?

[00:00:14] Mental health corner

[00:00:14] Christina: Uh, pretty good. I’m tired. Uh, which is good, I guess, for the name of the show, but yeah, I’ve had like three hours of sleep, so I’m, uh, I’m a little more tired than usual. Although I took my Dexedrine like right before we started recording. So in probably 15 minutes, I’m going to like, get my, you know, burst of like, you know, amphetamine, adrenaline or whatever.

[00:00:42] We’ll, we’ll be able to hear it. I’m sure. Once it kicks in on the show,

[00:00:47] Brett: I have you beat. I got two hours of sleep and I’ve been up since midnight. Uh, it’s not, it’s not a manic episode. I was just doing research for this podcast.

[00:00:57] So Aaron, how much sleep did you get?

[00:00:59] Erin: [00:01:00] Thanks for asking Brett. A solid seven, not to brag.

[00:01:05] Brett: God damn.

[00:01:06] Erin: Sorry.

[00:01:07] Christina: fucking fucking neurotypical people. Well, I’m sorry to assume. And I’m not, I’m not actually assuming, cause you’re on our podcast. So, uh, there’s gotta be like something that makes you, you know, like special because we’re special types of assholes, but uh, seven hours. Congratulations.

[00:01:26] Erin: thank you so much. Um, so what that seven hours though, it was a pretty shaky kind of sleep. So I went out last night, um, to a little cocktail bar and I felt okay about it because I got tested yesterday. I’ve been, um, doing a lot of travel recently cause I just moved from Los Angeles to Pittsburgh. So I’ve been in airports and I just wanted to be safe.

[00:01:50] So I felt okay about it. Um, so even though I got a solid seven, I’m a little hoarse cause we stayed out a little bit. So.

[00:01:59] Brett: [00:02:00] Um, Aaron and I had this really fun conversation once about an unnamed coworker. Like he has a name, but we’re not going to name him. Uh,

[00:02:11] Christina: like, like X.

[00:02:13] Brett: yes. Coworker X, uh, w we decided he was aggressively normal. Like speaking of neuro-typical, he was aggressively normal and, but it doesn’t bode well for either Aaron or me.

[00:02:29] I shouldn’t talk for Aaron. Aaron, how do you feel about aggressively normal people?

[00:02:34] Erin: It doesn’t bode. Well, if I could, if I can get into the mental health stuff, just right off the bat, uh, I have like a pretty quick like barometer for if I’m going to get along with someone and it’s completely vibe based. Right. And that, that sort of test is like, do I think this person has ever wanted to do this something harmful to themselves?

[00:02:57] Or do I think this person has [00:03:00] ever struggled mental health wise? And if the answer is like a no in a hard, no, it’s gonna be a bummer because that’s kind of like the fountain vein emotional foundation, um, that I keep with other people. So I don’t think there’s, I don’t think that Mr. X has ever, ever, ever wanted to do that. Okay.

[00:03:20] Brett: no, I highly doubt that.

[00:03:22] Christina: Whoosh, you know, I mean, cannot relate, uh, personally, but at the same time, I’m kind of like happy for you, Mr. X. Like, I, I, I, 100% see where you’re coming from Erin. And you’re like, I don’t think we’re going to vibe. Cause this is like a core part of who I am and like cannot relate with him. Part of me is like, I’m actually quite happy for you that you’ve never had to experience this.

[00:03:46] This is strange. I don’t know what to do with this information, but good for you. I guess

[00:03:52] Brett: There’s a whole world out there for normal people where they like hanging out with other normal people and do normal stuff and never think bad thoughts. [00:04:00] Well, if they do think bad thoughts, I imagine their bad thoughts are nothing like my bad thoughts.

[00:04:06] Christina: probably that’s weird to think about. We talked a couple of weeks ago about masking and, um, and then, uh, we did get some, uh, incidentally, we did get some like, uh, uh, listener responses to my other controversial stances in that episode, which I will not be re litigating. Uh, and I appreciate the responses.

[00:04:26] I’m happy that we can have those discussions, but, uh, we were talking about masking and yeah, it’s a weird thing for me. Cause like part of me I’m like, I think sometimes people have, who don’t know me. Um, and, and, and don’t like, listen to anything that I say, or like read what I write or whatnot. Like they don’t have those concepts of stuff with me.

[00:04:44] And so they make assumptions and then I’m like, Yeah.

[00:04:48] no, I, I, I’m not, you know, like, uh, a normal person, but, but people often who just like see the surface level stuff, like [00:05:00] I, most of my life I’ve kind of made those assumptions and I’m like, Nope, not, not

[00:05:05] Erin: Yeah. Yeah. One of the first things I. Brett when you and I met each other, uh, officially, and I’ve known of you for, uh, for a while before we started working together. But, um, I feel like one of the first things you mentioned in your sort of introduction is like, Hey, uh, sometimes I, I have this thing going on and, uh, I might act a little differently and my schedule might be sort of asynchronous with yours.

[00:05:32] Um, but usually I bounce back and it’s not a big deal. And that, that endeared you to me very quickly.

[00:05:40] Brett: That’s funny. I immediately regretted making that my like opening line. I felt like maybe that was definitely oversharing.

[00:05:47] Erin: I, yeah, I love oversharing. I mean, it’s, it’s the, it’s the sort of like, um, not evil twin of, of the thing earlier, where if you’ve never wanted to, you know, do [00:06:00] something harmful that I can’t relate to you, if you aren’t oversharer, especially about this stuff. Like, I absolutely love you already foundation.

[00:06:09] Unconditionally.

[00:06:10] Brett: uh, yeah, I like you’re the only person at work that I have openly talked about. My bipolar. Um, you, you, like there was an immediate, like, I felt like I could trust you and, uh, like disability laws and everything. I’m not scared that I like can’t talk about it to my manager. And if it ever becomes necessary to like explain something, uh, um, I’m not worried about it, but like, I’m not going to tell Mr.

[00:06:40] Rex, he doesn’t need to know

[00:06:42] Christina: No.

[00:06:44] Erin: to know basis.

[00:06:45] Christina: Yeah, I think that’s like, and that’s like the weird lesion of say, co-authoring right. Like when you meet somebody and you just know

[00:06:50] like you can trust them and talk to them and you can have that human moment of sharing, or even if you feel like it’s oversharing it, which I think is great. [00:07:00] And, uh, I’m glad that you have somebody that like you can talk to at work about that stuff.

[00:07:05] Right. I certainly have people that I can, although like to varying degrees and I’m sure I know I have colleagues and people who like listen to this, which is weird. So I’m kind of like, well,

[00:07:15] Erin: Okay.

[00:07:15] Christina: my whole life is out there, so whatever, but like, I know that like my managers don’t listen to this, which thank God.

[00:07:23] Um, but yeah, but that’s, that’s nice that you’ve had that, but I do also understand there are those people who are like, yeah, I’m not gonna be, I’m not going to have this conversation. Cause it’s. They either either may a may not understand or be it’s just like, not, not the best opener, because just don’t need to know like, just, it’s not something you feel like you need to share with them.

[00:07:45] Brett: You want her to know what else I did in our very first conversation.

[00:07:48] Christina: is that?

[00:07:49] Brett: I had put together some pieces of a kind of conversation and decided that, uh, that I understood Aaron’s sexuality. And, um, [00:08:00] instead of asking her like what her sexuality was, I just out and out said, Hey, are you and I, I think I threw you, Aaron.

[00:08:10] I didn’t mean to.

[00:08:12] Erin: No.

[00:08:12] Brett: then I made a crack about, about vegans and California. And the whole thing felt weird

[00:08:18] Erin: No, no. Um, there’s a sixth love language. Um, and for me that’s being like made fun of that’s the only way I feel sometimes, um, or affection, not just love. Right. Um, yeah, that, that, that felt really, really good to me. I, I think I kind of responded in kind by sending you some of my music, like band camp links, which

[00:08:46] I,

[00:08:47] Brett: said I had to, I had to stock you first. Like I found you on SoundCloud. I didn’t find your band camp. It wasn’t until we’d known each other for a few weeks, that you’ve shared your [00:09:00] band camp URL with me. We should put that in the show notes. Do you want that in the show notes?

[00:09:04] Erin: Oh, that’d be fine. That’d be great.

[00:09:08] Christina: yeah. Put, put, put her, put her camp stuff in the shutter.

[00:09:13] Erin: I actually shared. Um, so, so I was doing, uh, I had, uh, I had a call with someone at work recently and they needed to share their screen and, uh, while sharing their screen, they, they played a YouTube video. And when the YouTube video ended, you know, you get to see a bunch of thumbnails for suggested recommended videos.

[00:09:33] And they were all tool videos, like tool covers, tool drumming, uh, live tool sets. And I said, oh, you like tool. And he lit up and we talked about metal for awhile and. I, you know, I mentioned that I’m a musician. I actually went to school for music, this kind of thing. And afterwards slacked him, uh, you know, uh, a link [00:10:00] to some of my like more metally stuff and immediately deleted it cause I was embarrassed and he called me out.

[00:10:07] Um, and it’s weird. It’s, it’s sharing this really personal part of yourself. When you talk about your mental health at work or you show someone your art, um, it’s, it feels like, you know, the stigma about mental health is, is sort of eroding over time and like pretty quickly, um, except this, except when there are power dynamics at play, especially in the workplace blase, blase.

[00:10:34] Right. Um, so I

[00:10:37] Christina: No, that’s a great point. And, and it’s weird right? Because there are certain mental health things you can talk about at work. I think that are accepted. And then there are ones that aren’t right. Like, um, and I think this is like totally fucked up, but like, if you have anxiety or ADHD, that’s more understood.

[00:10:53] But if you were say in the middle of like an actual major depression, or if you suffer from bipolar or if you have, you [00:11:00] know, some sort of other disorder, then that’s like not quite as, as understood. And it’s, so this weird thing, like at this point, I think, especially in the industry that we work in there, it. feels like everybody is, is ADHD, which, um, uh, is nice. right.

[00:11:17] I have to say it and people like have actual diagnoses and, um, and a lot of people are on medicine for it. Uh, like, uh, I shared this on the show before, but it was remarkably easy maybe to, uh, No, I’m not going to say 80 to a scary degree. Cause actually it should be like this, but, but it was remarkably easy when I hadn’t been on my ADHD meds in a couple of years because I had ghosted my shrink and did stupid stuff and I moved to Seattle and I went to the doctor on the Microsoft campus and I was talking to her about stuff.

[00:11:51] First I’ve ever met her. I told her the name of my doctor. She didn’t actually like check stuff. I told her I had a diagnosis and she wrote me a script [00:12:00] for my Dexedrine that I got filled bad day. And then I was even able to get another refill. Um, and then I needed to like get back in touch with my shrink and get stuff done, um, with that was like my first visit.

[00:12:12] And that was. That was a really easy way of getting access to drugs where you didn’t actually, like, you took my word for it, which I think is great and the way it should be, but not the way it usually goes. And I’ve known like I’ve had like coworkers who’ve come into the office and I’ve like gone to the on-campus like health center and have like, gotten like an Adderall prescription like that day.

[00:12:37] Um, again, like, I’m sure, like, without them, you know, calling like to confirm with their other doctor or anything or whatever. Um, so it feels like that’s an accepted thing, but there are other things that it’s like, there is more of a stigma around it. And I don’t know if it’s that it’s not accepted because I could be wrong.

[00:12:55] It could be more open to talk about it, but like I have, I’ve had like managers and like executives [00:13:00] who will talk about being ADHD, but I don’t hear the same thing about like depression, you know,

[00:13:07] Brett: Or bipolar?

[00:13:08] Christina: bipolar? Absolutely

[00:13:09] Brett: No One’s up front about bipolar.

[00:13:11] Christina: No, not at all. I mean, the, the bipolar stigma is still there. I think it’s important.

[00:13:14] Like people like Catherine Zeta Jones, there’ve been some other, like, you know, celebrities who’ve been open about it. Well, Yeah. but Kanye is a bad example, right? Like, like Kanye, like, I’m sorry. But like, frankly, like, Oh, it was hurts some of the stuff more. Um, and, uh, w which is sad.

[00:13:32] Brett: he’s a bad representative for bipolar.

[00:13:34] Christina: Well, I mean, the, the art is great, but like, you see like the pain and like, this is why I had to stop, like, engaging with his Twitter stuff.

[00:13:40] Cause I was like, oh shit, this is like, honestly not a good thing. This is not okay. But yet, but bipolar.

[00:13:46] you don’t see people open about that, even though it’s, you know, more common. Um, it’s not a super common thing, but it’s, it’s more common, but yeah, like there’s still a stigma attached to that. Like I don’t think I’d be having a conversation about that with like a corporate [00:14:00] vice-president.

[00:14:01] Erin: I have a theory about this, which is, um, you know, some of that, there’s like an Overton window of mental health here and bipolar ADHD they’re included. Like you can talk about that stuff. We’re still coming off of like bipolar and ADHD. Uh, we still kind of consider them like quirky or something, but not diagnoses for troubled people.

[00:14:25] Um, they’re quirky where, as we’re asked something more serious, um, like a capital D depression, um, and this is where the like theoretical, uh, bar comes in, it distracts from. The capital from production, from labor, from work and air go there’s the, there’s still that stigma around it because especially, you know, places like, uh, like if you work in an open office and you’re gone for periods of the time period, long periods of time, like not a good look at [00:15:00] some places, depending on how the vibe of the office is.

[00:15:02] And so the, the, the, the diagnoses that, and, and, and, you know, I guess illnesses that distract and prevent you from actually working are still stigmatized or as the quirky ones. Yeah. You got a pass or you’re, they’re not, they’re seen as, not as serious.

[00:15:21] Brett: Why are managers so obsessed or some managers so obsessed with the hours you work? Uh, our managers are pretty cool. You know, as long as you get your shit done and you do good work, they don’t really care when you come into work. Or when you leave work, no one checks my clock, but I, when I quit my last job, it was like the, the straw that broke the camel’s back was I refuse to make my team work on a Saturday.

[00:15:54] And, uh, and that w I was reprimanded for that. And I, my contract [00:16:00] said we don’t work weekends. And I S I stood my ground and it didn’t go well, and then I quit. I wasn’t fired. I got, I got pissed about it. And that was, I mean, I was already pissed, but then I got, and then I was just done.

[00:16:15] Christina: yeah. Although in retrospect, maybe you should have quit removing should have let them fire you. Cause maybe the severance would have been better.

[00:16:21] Brett: yeah.

[00:16:22] Christina: That’s always the weird thing to know.

[00:16:24] Brett: when I offered my resignation, the response was that’s weird. I was just about to give you a raise. I’m not sure if that’s true or not. The guy was a snake.

[00:16:35] Erin: That’s what they all say.

[00:16:38] Brett: I, I spent the rest of the next five years kind of regretting not having a stable job. It’s good to, it’s good to be back in the workplace.

[00:16:45] Christina: We’re glad you’re back, but yeah, it is. That is like, uh, I don’t know. Um, I’m lucky that unless we’re on like deadline on something, like, we’re not super obsessed with, with ours, but it’s also been weird the last year and a half. [00:17:00] Cause we’ve all been working from home and it’s all been this weird fucking pandemic bullshit, um, that thanks to the anti maskers and anti-vaxxers, we’re going back into more lockdown stuff, which is fucking terrible.

[00:17:13] Um, so it’s been easier, but yeah, I don’t know, like, it is a weird thing cause I’ve been on so many, I’ve been on a number of different teams at Microsoft and some of the teams are definitely more like you need to be in the office and make FaceTime sorts of things, but they’re not, but like it’s for appearances.

[00:17:27] It’s not as if they’re actually like looking to see if I’m doing anything. In my, in, you know, in the office, it’s just, I need to show up at, you know, 20 hours of meetings a week. Um, so yeah, I don’t know. I, I, uh, before that, you know, I was in, I was in news and that’s probably one of the like least good careers in terms of like a work-life balance you can have.

[00:17:55] Brett: You’re slave to the headlines at that

[00:17:58] Christina: Yeah. Because it never stops. [00:18:00] And if you’re following something, it doesn’t matter if it’s like three o’clock in the morning, like you have to get up and, and cover it. So if it’s like your story, your beat or whatever,

[00:18:12] Brett: yeah, I wouldn’t have made it in that profession. You know what we gotta, we gotta get rid of the zoom bots in slack. It is way too easy for people to start zoom meetings. Like you can just pop into someone chat someone’s chat type slash zoom meeting and boom. You’re in a zoom meeting with someone and there needs to be a barrier.

[00:18:33] You should have to schedule that shit anyway.

[00:18:36] Christina: do people actually do that to people like not say, Hey, can we have a call? And, and instead they just like randomly started meeting, like it started meeting.

[00:18:44] Brett: Well, there, there will be one chat message prior to it. Uh, Hey, let’s have a call. And then the thing pops up with the link to join the zoom meeting. Yes. People all over my place of work. Do

[00:18:56] Erin: Okay.

[00:18:58] Brett: I hate surprise meetings [00:19:00] anyway, Aaron, uh, um, I’m gonna, um, I’m gonna shut up soon, but I I’m curious about this thing you put on to our shared show notes document about dud, uh, therapy sessions.

[00:19:13] Erin: Yeah, right. Okay. So I it’s been about three years since I’ve seen a therapist, um, and over the pandemic, which is not over, I felt like I needed to come back, needed to come back to the fold. And I found a young Ian with whom I wanted to work and her name is Wendy. She’s great. Um, and, and. We’ve had really huge breakthroughs and it’s been so good for me.

[00:19:44] Um, I never cry. Um, but during some of these sessions, like I get weepy. Um, and, and so they’ve been historically really good, but recently [00:20:00] there there’ve been a couple sessions where it just feels like, you know, why am I here? It feels like I’m at a Tiki bar talking to a good friend about some issues that I just, that are like dear to me and are painful to me.

[00:20:18] And it feels good to just talk to someone about them, but there aren’t a lot of like, There’s not a lot of moving the needle, mental health wise, or trying to unspool a lot of this stuff that’s been, you know, for years been like this, this really naughty with a K uh, thing thing for me. And so last session this week, it just felt like it felt like that again.

[00:20:47] And. I, I turned that kind of in words, where I felt like I failed my therapist and I feel like I fail her when this happens. And I feel like that because [00:21:00] I don’t know, I maybe I’m like too professional about therapy. Like I want to come with notes. I want to come with stuff to talk about rather than let it, you know, be this like natural con unscripted.

[00:21:13] Conversation. And I find that when I do prepare notes, we don’t talk about any of the stuff that I really wanted to, but it’s stuff that we needed to talk about. But when I don’t prepare notes, it’s this weird thing. When I don’t prepare notes, we, and trust that it will be an organic kind of conversation, uh, leading to, you know, these, these breakthroughs and moving the needle, nothing ever happens.

[00:21:40] Um, and I feel like I fail my therapists when that happens like that. I didn’t do enough prep that I didn’t do enough work to say, like, this is what I want to get through today. And in the next couple months, and I feel like I need therapy for failure. It makes me feel really terrible, [00:22:00] but yeah, it’s just died just a dud session.

[00:22:03] Brett: I like, I, the times I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve found that I do not let myself be genuine. Like I put up this, like, here’s who I want to be, and I’m going to describe things the way I kind of wish they were. And it’s really, I’ve never gotten to a point where I feel like I’m being honest and then the session ends.

[00:22:31] And I feel like, well, they probably have a great impression of me, but they have no idea who I actually am.

[00:22:36] Erin: Oh, my God sing it sister. Yeah. Like I, I’m pretty flirty and that’s, that’s not necessarily a romantic thing for me. Right. Like, I like to have fun with people and yeah. And like play and charm. And I, my therapist is no exception. Uh, and we bring that up in therapy. Like I want [00:23:00] you, I don’t want you to think ill of me, and I’m not scared that you will because it’s your job to, to sort of not analyze me, but we’re all explainable.

[00:23:11] And I would like you to explain me, but I do also need you to like me and I want to impress you and I want to make dumb jokes with you. And it feels good when there is no reaction to those jokes. And when that kind of charm doesn’t really work because. And, and not really reacting to that stuff. She’s sort of like communicating with me like that.

[00:23:38] We’re not here for that. And, and, and sometimes that’s a defense mechanism, right? Like a nervous laugh or, or that kind of thing. So I’m, I’m actually heartened. Bye.

[00:23:48] Christina: It’s interesting. So I’ve been with my therapist. Who’s also, so he is both a psychiatrist and he does therapy, which is a rare combo, but, um, um, uh, and I’ve been [00:24:00] seeing him at this point for other than like the, the two year like dark period. I’ve been seeing him since I was 19 or 20, so like half my life.

[00:24:11] So more than half my life, um,

[00:24:15] Brett: You’re not 40.

[00:24:16] Christina: not 40. So anyway, but, but, but approaching, so I’ve been seeing him for like 18 years. So, um, uh, stayed like that, that two year kind of like dark period. So he knows me pretty well, and he’s seen me through some shit. Right. And, and we used to have it in person, although it’s been over the phone for the last 10 years.

[00:24:34] Um, and now he’s actually because he’s in his seventies. Um, and God, I hope he doesn’t retire, but I know that it’s coming. Um, he, uh, with dependent against stuff is probably only going to be doing like, you know, phone conversations. And look, if you can charge $300 an hour or whatever it is that he charges.

[00:24:53] Um, and of course he does not take insurance, um, for being on the phone with people. I’m, I’m sure that that, that, [00:25:00] uh, suits him just fine. Um, so I’m pretty honest with him and he definitely has seen like the real me and I think he likes me and I think he’s proud and that makes me feel good. I think he’s proud of like, who I’ve become and like, cause he’s watched me, you know, like. You know, my, my whole adult, I basically, which feels really good and that’s really nice. And so I totally like relate to the whole wanting them to like, like you sort of thing, but I will say, and this is what’s interesting. I do have the same sort of thing where if I don’t come with like a plan of a thing that I need to talk about, we will just have more general conversations.

[00:25:35] And sometimes that can be helpful and he’ll come up with, with things that we can kind of work through. But sometimes it’ll just feel like, okay, well, what did I just pay for? And so I do have to, like when I was earlier, when I was younger and things, and I think we were probably getting, like, he was getting to know me and we were getting to kind of.

[00:25:53] Try to figure out, you know, approaches, uh, to both medicine and, and, and my, um, my mental health and things like That [00:26:00] Like there was probably more exploration where that sort of general talking was probably really good, but now there are times where I do have to come in and be like, okay, this is.

[00:26:11] what I want to talk about today.

[00:26:12] And this is what I need to try to work through. And these are things that I’m trying to approach. Um, but it also, and I’ll be honest, sometimes in some cases there are situations where I’m just like, I don’t want to talk about this. I know that I should, but I don’t want to. So we’ll just talk about the other things that are going on and the other stresses and, and, or not stresses.

[00:26:34] Brett: You pay $300 an hour out of pocket.

[00:26:37] Christina: Oh yeah,

[00:26:38] Brett: It must be good.

[00:26:40] Christina: yeah, yeah. No, he’s, he’s excellent. He’s excellent. No, I mean, and, and I’m looking. But not to like, I’m, I’m very fortunate and I’ve been doing this. Like I see him, I see him monthly at this point. So it’s, it’s not like a weekly thing. Um, when I was younger, when things were really bad, when I was like in college, there were some times I would see him like [00:27:00] weekly or every other week.

[00:27:01] Um, but obviously, uh, that’s not a super, uh, uh, economical thing. Um, and then, um, when I was in New York and, uh, I made less money and, and whatnot, like it wasn’t the easiest thing always to do, but yeah. Uh, I, I’m not saying that didn’t have anything to do with why I ghosted him. That was just my own mental health and stuff being bad.

[00:27:26] And like, don’t go to your shrink, but yeah. Um, Yeah,

[00:27:30] $300 an hour.

[00:27:31] Erin: Yeah,

[00:27:31] Brett: you ready for this? I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna segue into a sponsor break before I shut up for awhile.

[00:27:37] Christina: Okay.

[00:27:38] Sponsor: Sanebox

[00:27:38] Brett: Speaking of mental health, you know, what can really make you crazy too many emails?

[00:27:44] Christina: Boom.

[00:27:46] Brett: Inbox. Zero is a thing of the past. We’re also inundated with email now that it’s no longer about responding to everything.

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[00:28:13] So you know what messages to pay attention to now and what stuff you can get to later on it also has nifty features like the same black hole, where you can drag messages from annoying senders. You never want to hear from a gun and sane reminders, uh, to ping you. If someone hasn’t replied to your email by a certain time, Best of all you can use SaneBox with any email client on any computer or phone anywhere you check your email I’ve been using SaneBox for ever.

[00:28:40] And I recommend it to everyone. My entire email workflow is based around it. Uh, one of my favorite add on features is snoozing. Instead of relying on various apps to, uh, with, with their own snooze buttons, I can create custom mailboxes with custom timers, like three hours tomorrow or next week. And then I’ve [00:29:00] just move a message from my inbox to one of those folders.

[00:29:02] And when the time’s up, they move back to my inbox as unread messages and they work no matter which mail client I’m using, which is great. If you prefer something awesome, like MailMate on your Mac. So see how SaneBox can magically remove distractions from your inbox with a free two week trial visit sanebox.com/overtired today to start your free trial and get a $25 credit that’s S a N E B O x.com/overtired.

[00:29:34] And it’s, I’ve always thought SaneBox should sponsor us. And now they are so a big thanks to Spain SaneBox.

[00:29:42] Christina: Yay. Thank you. SaneBox

[00:29:44] Too much about the Bachelor

[00:29:44] Brett: So I’ll let you guys either continue with the mental health discussion or move on to something, uh, that I would hate, like, you know, the bachelor or whatever.

[00:29:54] Christina: you watching bachelor in paradise?

[00:29:57] Erin: You know, I am, uh, [00:30:00] I’ve, I’ve inhaled it. I have, uh, have you been watching?

[00:30:03] Christina: Oh, yes. Yes. Bachelor in paradise at this point is the only reason I’m kind of still watching the franchise because I want to know who the players in bachelor in paradise are.

[00:30:13] Erin: Wow.

[00:30:15] Christina: I kind of hate all the leads of him being honest.

[00:30:18] Erin: Okay. Yeah. Very, very relatable. I, I started watching pretty recently. Like I started with Hannah bees season.

[00:30:28] Christina: Okay. Okay. So, okay, so you are definitely newer. Okay. All right.

[00:30:31] Erin: definitely, definitely, but I’m, I’m in the, I’m in the fandom now, I guess like really hard.

[00:30:37] Christina: nation. Yes,

[00:30:39] Erin: Yes, of course. I’m in the, I’m in the nation. Um, I wasn’t there a lot of podcasts about it.

[00:30:45] I’m on the sub Reddit. Um, and like I’m finding that among a lot of queer people, there is a special place in the queer heart for, for this stupid [00:31:00] show. It’s really, really the tie that binds us all.

[00:31:04] Christina: Well, it’s a great show and some of the podcasts. So I think Nick vie, ally, I love him. He’s like one of my favorite contestants, like ever. And I think his podcast is good. There’s some other really good podcasts. Um, and is this weird thing in the last like five or six years? Like the show is like taken on a new, I think audience where like, you still have like the like Midwestern or Southern, like middle-aged like white Christian women.

[00:31:30] Like that’s still a contingent, but there’s also like this younger queerer, uh, like more alternative, like more like just, you know, people who are watching it started ironically and then were like, God damn it. This is actually really

[00:31:45] Erin: No, I know it’s

[00:31:46] Christina: And, and this is, yeah, this, this is a terrible show, but yet it’s fantastic.

[00:31:50] Have you watched, um, FYI.

[00:31:53] Erin: you know? Yes. Uh, so I, I, I seen like the first two episodes and I had [00:32:00] to note out and the reason I knocked out is because, you know, you need at least one redeemable person and no one on F boy island besides the host is, is like likable in any way. Um, so I, there are too many like Chad energy dude’s that I had to, it was to testosterone.

[00:32:24] I had to know about.

[00:32:26] Christina: Got it. Got it. Okay. Yeah, Cause I, I do enjoy FYE island, which is from, um, I think like the, I think it’s like, uh, also a Mica Fleiss, um, production, and then, uh, there’s a, you know, in the, in the UK there’s love island, which is just fantastic. Uh, and, and, and I think a bachelor in paradise is the closest thing that we really have to a, to a love island.

[00:32:46] I’ve had like many conversations with my, um, British colleagues about these sorts of things. And I’m like, okay, if you need like the American equivalent, you have to watch bachelor in paradise because it is just the trashiest, but like best thing. [00:33:00] And yet shocky Lee, like there’s, I mean, every couple of years there’s like a wedding.

[00:33:05] Um,

[00:33:07] Erin: it works sometimes.

[00:33:08] Christina: it works sometimes. um, uh, Tanner and Jay’s still seem to be together, um, uh, from, from years ago and, and Carly and I can’t think of the dude’s name, but yeah. Um, it’s uh, yeah, so, uh, Connor, I saw this in the, I saw it. I saw you put this in the show notes, um, uh, Connor, uh who’s uh, we should, uh, let people listeners know who I’m sure most of you do not listen to the BA do not watch the bachelor.

[00:33:37] Uh, he’s a cat, um, and a

[00:33:42] Erin: Yeah.

[00:33:43] Brett: Wait, there’s a cat on the bachelor. I find that that’s a sympathetic character to

[00:33:49] Erin: do you want to explain this, Christina?

[00:33:51] Christina: well, he’s not like quite a furry, but like, he’s like dressed up as, as, as like a cat [00:34:00] Yeah. But he does have like, strong, like, like, like cat.

[00:34:03] like. A gut, uh, energy. Um,

[00:34:07] Erin: So, so the way this works, Brett, um, and, and I hope you you’ll forget this and I hope you do because you had such little sleep such as so few hours of sleep. Um,

[00:34:18] Brett: already forgotten.

[00:34:20] Erin: oh, thank God. But, but. This works is when contestants for the bachelorette, all men get out of the limousine and meets

[00:34:28] Christina: like an intro.

[00:34:29] Erin: the bachelor ad for the first time, they try to woo them by doing some kind of novel thing that is designed to be memorable.

[00:34:37] So like one bro from this season, uh, James who looks like a villain, Christina, um, stayed in a box for a while and, and revealed himself later at one of the cocktail parties. Someone had like a bouncing, like a, like a bouncing castle or something like this. And Connor came out in a cat suit [00:35:00] because he has a strong meta-game.

[00:35:01] He found on the internet that Katie Thurston, the bachelorette was a big cat fan. And so he donned a cat costume. Um, so,

[00:35:11] Brett: It’s a bit on the nose.

[00:35:13] Christina: It’s very on the nose.

[00:35:14] I’m sure that actually a producer came up with it because the producers are highly involved in these shows. In fact, there was a whole, uh, series on, um, on lifetime and then on Hulu, um, about the behind the scenes thing, um, of, uh, uh, kind of like a show like the bachelor God, what was it called?

[00:35:29] It was good. Um, shit. It was with the girl from Broswell Sherry. Fuck. What was her name? Uh, This is going to bother me. Um,

[00:35:41] Brett: I might just leave a gap here and I’ll explain that Christina is madly searching the internet for

[00:35:48] Christina: no sh Sherri Applebee. I came up with her name really quickly, and then I forgot the name of the TV show, but it was because it was a good show. It was nominated for Emmys. It was, it was, uh, unreal. Okay. So there was actually a [00:36:00] show on that was three seasons that was quite good, uh, called unreal, which was all about like, kind of the insidious nature of the way the producers on the bachelor and the bachelorette, like work with contestants.

[00:36:10] So the producers totally like told Connor to put on a cat suit and, and like encouraged him to do that. And like, the thing is is you almost never want to actually do that. Like you, you don’t want to do the stunts. Cause the stunt people think that they get the airtime, but you’re usually not going to get a rose.

[00:36:26] So he actually did better. Cause he’s a hot guy and has a really good body. Like then we would have thought despite that the catsuit, but he’ll always be known as Connor, the cat. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, But

[00:36:41] Erin: Yeah, the button, the button down shirts with like the first, like four buttons. Not, not like, like showing his chest, like some real Miami vice, but like not in a, like retro, like what’s old is new again way. Um, but

[00:36:57] Christina: yeah. No, you’re, you’re not [00:37:00] wrong, but, uh, I do enjoy his Instagram and he has a really good body. And I enjoy him on bachelor in paradise because you know, really, really good body, uh, don’t mind seeing him like shirtless the whole time, which is like the whole point of this show. So, so people who aren’t familiar, so you have the bachelor, you have the bachelor, right.

[00:37:16] Which is like 24 or 20 contestants or whatever. Looking for love with, with, uh, with a bachelor bachelorette who is almost always someone who was on the previous season, who the audience knows and who often got to the finals and then was, was heartlessly, you know, like, like, uh, love was not allowed or in some cases there was like maybe a, a proposal.

[00:37:36] And then like, after the fact, the guy was like, yeah, actually I’m not into this. And, and, and we’re all like watching, uh, you know, uh, Becca get broken up with and, and, um, feeling pretty terrible about everything that we’re in a we’re enduring. And, um, so. Um, they take, uh, so what happens in bachelor in paradise is they take the people who probably didn’t get all the way maybe they did, but [00:38:00] usually didn’t, um, from past seasons and they put them on an island where they’re there for like two or three weeks with lots of alcohol and food.

[00:38:12] And they basically just hook up and fuck, and then there’s like an elimination ceremony. Like if you can’t find a partner to fuck, um, although they don’t like explicitly say that, cause the bachelor is this weird place where it’s puritanical, where they