82. Learning to Lead Our Selves: Becoming the Mother We Need

In this episode, I talk about one of the most foundational concepts in the work we do here at The School of Mom: selves leadership. This is the thread that runs through everything — through the Mothering Ourselves Mindfully framework, through what it really means to want to "be a better mom," and through how we show up in a world that is desperately hungry for grounded, mature, emotionally attuned adults. If you've ever looked around and wondered where are the adults in the room? — this one is for you.

Key Points

1. What "selves leadership" actually means — We are not just one self. We are a compilation of younger selves, reactive selves, and wiser selves. The inner work here is about tending to the contracted parts while awakening and amplifying the more grounded, steady parts that are ready to lead.
2. The connection to attachment theory — Many of us grew up without a securely attached caregiver — without someone who was emotionally healthy, attuned, and present. Selves leadership is about becoming that secure attachment figure for yourself, inside the ecosystem of your own inner world. It's not too late.
3. Awakening vs. creating — This is a crucial distinction. We are not building something from scratch. We are awakening what is already there. The steady, compassionate, resilient parts of you already exist — in your body, in your lineage, in your healed and wise ancestors, even if they weren't in your immediate family.
4. The grief that comes with this work — There is real grief in realizing you didn't have the model you needed growing up. That's valid, and we make room for it. And and — we can grieve that while also discovering that the resource we're looking for is actually accessible within us.
5. What's happening in our world right now — We are living in a moment with a real lack of grounded leadership. Our kids are watching. This isn't new — the feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm are ancient — but this moment is calling us to alchemize our anger and grief into effective action. That starts with leading ourselves.
6. Emotional safety starts inside — When you learn to lead all parts of yourself, you create emotional safety for yourself first. Your kids then experience a parent who can return to steadiness — because you can return to steadiness in the ecosystem of your own inner world.
7. You are being called, not invited — This is not a gentle nudge. Women and mothers everywhere are being called to wake up from inherited, programmed survival states. The more we stay in shutdown and hopelessness, the more we fuel the very systems we want to change.

Quotes

"We are becoming the unicorns here in The School of Mom."

"No one is coming to save us. We actually have to become those humans that we so desperately crave in our lives."

"Awakening versus creating — it's so much more challenging to create something from scratch than to tap into what is already there."

"When mothers learn how to lead all parts of themselves, you create emotional safety for yourself — and you create emotional safety for your kids."

"We all have an assignment right now, and that is to wake up."

Resources Mentioned

1. The Flourished Mother Starter Kit — Five nervous system practices to begin awakening your more grounded, mindful, discerning, and attuned self. Download it at https://theschoolofmom.com/start
2. Mothering Ourselves Mindfully — Sarah's signature program. Learn more at https://theschoolofmom.com/mom
3. Send Sarah a voice message: https://www.speakpipe.com/theschoolofmom

What's Coming Next

We're continuing to explore what it means to truly mother ourselves mindfully — not as a self-improvement project, but as a profound act of leadership. Stay close for what's coming next at The School of Mom.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

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