Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

My conversation with Mira and Dan was supposed to be about tax returns. He hasn't filed his yet, and it's making Mira feel insecure, anxious, and unsafe. Dan wants her to relax and trust him for once! I knew something else was amiss here, but I was shocked to see how fast the conversation took a turn. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Meet Gemma and Jack. Jack believes that people who delegate certain tasks, like cleaning and laundry, are lazy. It’s one of his many strong opinions that’s causing a wedge in their relationship. Recently, he refused to hire movers because it was a “waste of money.” As frustrating as they are, listen to the layers behind his financial opinions. They have a household income of $200k, but it’s not an even split. Throw in their individual cultural and gender codes, and it starts to make sense why they’re butting heads about penny decisions over who should pay the gas or do the laundry. They’re completely misaligned when it comes to the big vision. We need to get them to connect over money. Let’s start there and build our way up. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

On paper, saving for maternity leave shouldn’t be an issue for Hannia and Alex. She earns $100,000 a year, but she likes to spend her money as soon as payday arrives. She plays many subconscious tricks (I call it the “Innocent Doe” technique) to justify a $300 drop at Target and her Old Navy credit card debt. Let’s disregard the distractions. What’s the real reason why Hannia cannot save money? And how is her humble childhood in Costa Rica playing out in her everyday money decisions? Sometimes, advanced financial concepts have to take a backseat to get honest with the numbers—and ourselves. It’s time to get real. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Lauren and Alex bring in $425,000 a year, and they’ve just invested in a $1.3 million dollar home. Alex feels like they’re flying high, but Lauren’s lost her sense of security. She wants to save for a beach house in Carmel, not invest in double-glazing windows. Their savings plan has gone awry, and all she can hear is her father’s phrase “It’s not how much you make, it’s how much you save” every time they have to make a big purchase. What is stopping Lauren from being more secure? Listen for the cues. Do you think buying a shack on a beach will really wash away her deep-rooted financial fears? Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Alexandra and Brandon have a household income of $135,000. Alex just handed in her one week’s notice, but she still has financial needs, and she’s scared to broach the subject of spending money on herself with her husband. As we talk, it becomes apparent that self-agency has been absent from other aspects of their lives. From their relationship to career choices, both have been playing by everyone else’s rulebook but their own. These conversations have been on the back burner for long enough—it’s time to get candid. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

This is part two with Charles and Michelle. He has a net worth of well over $10 million but still uses someone else’s Netflix password. After 21 years, Michelle has reached her limit with his relentless cheapness. Charles is trying to rewrite his internal money story, but after years of playing the “I’m not the kind of guy who blows money on X, Y, Z,” card, he still worries about extreme what-if scenarios, driving Michelle to consider divorce. As you listen, think about the areas you’re afraid to spend money on. Ask yourself what your worry-free number is. Now, let’s try to get Charles and Michelle to meet halfway. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Charles and his wife, Michelle, are worth $10 million, and he earns over $2 million a year--but he’s cheap. So cheap, he still insists on sharing someone else’s Netflix password. Michelle has been pushed to the limit. Divorce is on the cards unless things change. She wants to start with landscaping the backyard, but I want to investigate the roots of this invisible script that’s costing him his marriage. There’s 21 years’ worth of scar tissue to heal here. Let’s dig in. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Brian is a struggling tech entrepreneur and relies on his wife, Serena, a physician with a stable income of $235,000, to support his family. Serena wants Brian to get a job and admit that his start-up isn’t working. She's extremely focused — perhaps too focused — on buying a house. Brian doesn't like saying “No” to Serena, so he evades questions and promises that everything will change "4-6 months from now," but after seven years, Serena's patience is running thin. Can you spot the red flags? Listen to the resentment and distrust in her voice. Brian's promises to get a job and turn things around are falling flat. What's worse is that he can't even see it. I'm not going to sugarcoat it; it's heartbreaking to watch a seemingly successful couple totally disconnected from each other. I'm determined to get them on the same page. Tune in to see how their story unfolds. We started the conversation focusing on Serena’s dream to buy a house sooner rather than later, but it becomes apparent that the house is a distraction from the deeper desire to have a partner on the same page as her. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Monique expects Pablo to pay for her “as the man” in the relationship. Pablo wants “fairness” in a partner. Last week, I dug into their money psychology. Right at the end of last week’s conversation -- when both were feeling good -- they started discussing an upcoming trip to Mexico City. Suddenly, everything fell apart. All their positive feelings and new skills got thrown to the side, and they went right back to their old habits. That’s why I had to add a part two to our conversation. That’s today’s episode. When they’re discussing the trip, Monique already has her argument ready before Pablo finishes a sentence. Pablo’s fists are clenched. He wants to be the laid-back, confident guy Monique fell in love with, but his views on money have changed. You’ll hear him describe “Antonio,” his scarcity-minded alter ego. This conversation surprised me in so many ways. Listen in. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Monique is very open with what she wants in a relationship. “I always expected that fairytale love, the guy pays for everything, the guy opens the door, the guy waits to kiss me at the end of the night...” But her boyfriend, Pablo, disagrees. He feels taken advantage of. He shares the story of Monique ordering a $10 soup in a restaurant when he wasn’t even eating, then both of them staring at the bill to see who would pay for it. Their beliefs come from their upbringing and very specific personal experiences. For Monique, she believes Pablo should pay because of how she was raised. At one point, she says it’s his job to pursue her. Pablo wants to split things “fairly” down the middle, saying he wants a “partner.” Their opposing money lenses lead to awkward exchanges at restaurants when the check arrives. For Monique, him paying for a $10 soup is symbolic of being “taken care of.” Pablo doesn’t think it’s fair. He says he would prefer she did the “fake check dance” before he steps up to “be the gentleman.” How many invisible scripts can you spot? What does your reaction to the situation say about your relationship with money? I walked into this episode pretty confident about what would happen. I was wrong. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

When Chris shops for food online, he compares the cost of almond milk and strawberries to save a few dollars. He spends hours agonizing over the most economical flight routes. He even stopped and picked up a used stroller from someone’s driveway. Chris and his wife Amy have a net worth of $8 million. Their friends call them cheap. They prefer to identify as "money hackers” and have lots of reasons why they behave the way they do. But even with their explanations, they’re not happy with how they’re using money to live a Rich Life. Chris and Amy are optimizers. They optimize points and options, a normal part of the tech culture in which they work. There’s just one problem: It’s making them unhappy! Imagine a world where Chris and Amy didn't have to put price first. Imagine a scenario where they could start with the kind of magical experience they wanted to create -- and use money to make it happen. As you listen, it’s easy to roll your eyes at the amounts of money being discussed. Resist that temptation. Amy and Chris have given us a gift by being so open with their finances and their challenges. I love today's episode because it shows you that if you have money issues today, It's very likely you're going to have the exact same money issues later at a million dollars or 5 million or yes, $8 million. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Andy and Kate bring in $200,000 a year and live rent free. Andy feels bad about money every day. His partner, Kate, says she wants to work as a financial team, but she walks on eggshells. Andy wants to make her happy, but he has a poor relationship with money. And that’s not all. Andy has $1.1 million dollars in a trust fund, managed by a financial advisor, and he still has holes in his shoes. I asked them, “Do you want to turn 65, have $10 million, and still worry about getting dessert?” Andy will have to decide if he’s going to let his old money stories determine the next 50 years of his life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Meet Chuck and Mary. With a household income of $450,000 a year, they’re wealthy, but they’re not living A Rich Life. Mary spends money--in secret -- and feels judged when she makes “frivolous” designer bag purchases. Meanwhile, Chuck feels he can’t invest in a personal trainer. Their backstory is revealing. Mary grew up in a large family in Argentina where a bottle of Coca-Cola was an indulgence. When she made it to the States, she never wanted to feel deprived again. Suddenly, her spending takes on a new dimension. To her, a Chanel bag is more than just a bag. They have the money, yet they lack a shared plan. To create a Rich Life, they’ll have to dig into each other’s money clues. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

A few years ago, Adam spent nine months aggressively paying off $75,000 in debt. He loved it. It gave him a purpose and he was happy to work seven days a week to pay it off quickly. His girlfriend, Elizabeth, has debt, but she isn’t excited by paying it off. Instead, she feels trapped, describing herself as “dumb” with money. (Notice the words she uses to describe herself and her debt: “disgusting,” “bad,” and “stupid.”) Adam’s aggressive approach of constantly talking about money isn’t working. Even though he wants to help, she craves emotional security and support. At one point, as Adam is about to go into yet another long monologue, I cut him off. Sometimes, what worked for you doesn’t work for your partner. Listen in to hear how Adam and Elizabeth navigate their Rich Life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Laura came to me frustrated about their bathroom. She wants to renovate it, but Greg isn’t interested. In fact, he doesn’t really want to talk about money at all. For Laura and Greg, life is “fine.” They’re running on cruise control, earning a good income, saving a little, and not investing in anything other than a house. But Laura wants more than a “fine” life. When Laura says this out loud, Greg’s response is: “Well, it depends, right?” Greg is resistant to change. He’s skeptical about investing, about renovating, about travel. When I ask him what he really wants to do, he has no idea. He won’t engage. How would you handle money in your relationship if your partner didn’t want to talk about it? What if your partner had lost the ability to dream and simply wanted to “play small?” Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Nicole and John have already won the money game. Combined, they bring in $650,000 a year. But it's not an even split. Nicole currently earns $150,000 and would like to leave her stable job to create a startup. John feels this gamble has not been discussed at length. They keep talking about “having the conversation,” but they never do. Both complain that they’re not feeling appreciated. John yearns for acts of service from Nicole. Nicole feels like her contribution is never enough. (You will frequently hear the lower earner talk repeatedly about “contributing” to the relationship.) Listen as this anxiety slowly bubbles to the surface. On John's side, the growing pile of money in his bank account is making him more paranoid than ever before. He worries he could lose it all -- like what happened when he was younger. The fear runs so deep, he doesn't even believe me when I use math to demonstrate they will be more than fine for the rest of their lives. On paper, Nicole and John have a rich life, but they're not fleshing it out together because of their fears, insecurities, and lack of communication. Listen in as I nudge them towards a Rich Life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Jacques and Jennifer are stuck in a money rut. They are trapped by their $40,000 debt. Jennifer feels overwhelmed with money talk, and Jaques doesn't want to say no to his wife. When he comes home from work, they’re both tired, so they order takeout, overspend...and repeat the cycle. This isn't a math problem. It runs way deeper into their money identity and sense of self. Jacques grew up in a poor household and was always told no, so he'll do anything not to feel that way again. As a stay-at-home mom, Jennifer feels the money is "his," so she finds control and comfort in food. Suddenly, all of these restaurant trips and takeout receipts are starting to make more sense. The relationship between food and finance is a tricky one to navigate. Then I ask about their Rich Life. Listen to how vague they are about their future financial goals. When you've got a large debt that seems insurmountable, it’s hard to look ahead. But I think there’s a way to get them to take ownership of their money. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Jordan wasn't raised to talk about money. She constantly saw her mom withhold money matters from her dad, and now, history is repeating itself. Jordan has hidden her debt from her husband, Dan, twice. He feels violated. This is not the kind of thing you do when you're saving for a down payment on a house and building a family. He needs the problem not to happen again. Before talking this out with me, neither realized they were on the verge of a relationship breakdown. Most people don't truly appreciate the consequences of their actions. They run away from their problems and shove important issues under the rug. Jordan thought she could fix this alone, but her mom wiped out her debt the first time around (it takes her a while to drop that bombshell), and she's still learning how to talk about finances openly after growing up with a money code of shame and secrets. Listen to their initial money visions. They're as imaginative as a cardboard box. There are lofty visions of "travel" and "a kid," but no specifics. Nothing to get excited about. No wonder why they aren't investing or saving together. Tune in to hear how I coax out the clues from them -- and offer them a vision of where to go next. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Natalia prioritizes experiences over finances. She doesn’t want to miss out on life, so if she wants to visit her family, she doesn’t wait to check their budget -- she gets on a plane. Andres, on the other hand, worries about money. He remembers growing up without money and doesn't want to go back there again. He's pushing to save, invest, and anticipate what's coming around the corner – especially now that they have a son. They’ve both become used to only talking about money in the heat of the moment. Because of their different perspectives on money, they’ve adopted roles in their relationship: Natalia says she’s the overspender, while Andres is the worrier who tries to tamp down on spending. This is a classic push and pull role you see in so many couples. But as I dig in, you’ll discover some fascinating reasons behind the roles they’ve given themselves. Listen as I flip the switch on Andres's approach to the conversation he's having with Natalia. What if "we can't afford to go away" turned to "what trips would you like to plan for the future?" What if money planning was part of a planned conversation instead of a heated clash? What if talking about money was based on possibility instead of scarcity? Listen in to this conversation with Natalia and Andres. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Barry is a first-generation Pakistani immigrant. His wife, Maria, is also Pakistani and was born and raised in the United States. Cultural expectations are making it difficult to get aligned on their joint finances. Barry has grown up living under a set of unwritten cultural rules whereby the son is expected to take care of his parents financially. They’re paying for family dinners and charity donations right now, but Barry strongly suspects his parents are anticipating moving in with them after they retire. Maria has been biting her lip so far. She wants financial freedom, but knows she cannot change Barry. He must acknowledge – and possibly reprogram – the dialog around money between him and his family. Some of this episode will sound confusing if you’re listening to it from a Western perspective, but these cultural scripts that Barry grew up with are very real. (Imagine if I told you that it “might not make financial sense to purchase a house” – that rattles the Western cultural code many people grew up with, which is why they get so angry when I point it out!). It’s unsettling and uncomfortable to challenge. I know because I’ve been in the same situation as Barry, juggling different expectations from Indian parents. Barry needs to move from “convincing” his parents to fully owning his financial decisions and vocalizing that with love and firm boundaries. Listen to our conversation to hear what that looks like for them and how they plan to compromise between their financial goals and family expectations. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Jessica grew up wealthy in New York City. She can't imagine her life anywhere that's not within walking distance to the coffee shop, the best schools, and her parents (who live two blocks away). Her husband, Nathaniel, is building his business and it’s been difficult getting it off the ground. For a while now, Jessica's been absorbing most finances and feels that the situation would improve if Nathaniel contributed just an extra $100 to living expenses. Jessica and Nathaniel struggle when it comes to communicating with each other. In fact, they spend 20 minutes answering my first question before I can get a word in. The truth is, They're both so fixated on telling their story, they do not realize that neither of them is listening. I hear anger, resentment, exhaustion… what do you hear? It takes a while to get to the numbers, but we start crunching after clearing some of the other issues. The results are extremely surprising. Sometimes, our attachment to the story we tell ourselves can cloud the reality in front of us. Moving is complicated, but it doesn't have to be a step back. Listen to see what to do when your financial reality doesn’t match the vision you had of your ideal life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Sheena has paid off a huge chunk of her student debt. Peter wants to plan a trip to Japan for their 10th anniversary and decorate their apartment, but Sheena’s first reaction is, “How will we afford it?” Money is one of the first things she thinks about. She thinks about it every day, even when buying toothpaste. Sheena is clearly terrified of money. She can’t even feel proud that last year mid-pandemic, she paid off $15,000 of her credit card debt! When I ask her how she’ll feel when her debt is paid off, she says “Better...I hope?” But I know it won’t happen unless she changes her money psychology. Sheena and Peter’s story is an example of how we can punish ourselves unnecessarily when we grapple with finances with an all-or-nothing approach. Sheena has created a financial cage in her own mind -- but she also has the keys to get out. Listen in to understand how just a few shifts to her money psychology -- and a surprising financial strategy -- will let her take control of her money. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

John has a lot of debt. Wendy knew about the $450k he owed when they started their relationship, over ten years ago, but she only found out what the current number is the day before their call with me – and the number has gone up! She wants to help him pay it off but he refuses to allow it. John insists that everything is under control, but Wendy doesn’t believe him. He makes a plan, then sets it and forgets it. She needs to check the status and cross things off the list. Underneath all of the financial questions, there’s a deeper conflict: he wants another child. She doesn’t feel ready. Does money play a part in her reluctance? As you listen, notice that John and Wendy are calm, collected, and clearly love each other – even with $600,000 of debt! I’ve spoken to couples who were more stressed out about $20K of debt. They have the trust, but they need help to get clarity. Listen for their revelations and breakthroughs around money and building a Rich Life. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Calvin feels he needs to be the “man of the house” and pay for everything. There’s just one problem: He can’t afford it. Every month he’s in the red, leading him to be anxious around money. Chantha likes to spend money on nice things and feels Calvin is too cheap with his money. The two of them feel stuck because of their different views on money. And, to make things even more complicated, Calvin – by conventional definitions – is rich. He and Chanta bring in $250k a year, and based on their savings rate, they’re on track to become multimillionaires. As you listen, notice their backgrounds. What led Calvin to feel this way about money? What motivates a husband to take on such a burden and how can Chantha and Calvin find a middle ground of comfort where they can build a future together? Pay particularly close attention to our discussion around vacation at the end of the episode. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Ashley and Greg have a household income of over $250,000 and a net worth of over one million dollars. They’ve developed a reputation for being cheapskates. Not only do their friends and family say that they’re cheap, but their friends have started avoiding them because of it. We’re about to discover that cheapness and net worth are not correlated whatsoever. There’s more to I Will Teach You to Be Rich than simply how to make money. You need to know how to live a Rich Life. It’s great to work hard and earn a lot of money, but the psychology of frugality – even austerity – can follow you around forever if you don’t work to break it. Ashley and Greg are about to learn that money is meant to fuel your Rich Life – not to merely be saved for some day in the future. Listen in as they describe their anxiety around spending money. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

Alyssa and Ilan have been in a relationship since 2007 and are now married. They both lost their jobs during the pandemic, but acting on their feet, launched a highly successful baklava business which is now paying their income. In theory, Alyssa runs their business day to day, but in practice, Ilan won’t let her. He considers himself an entrepreneur and believes that “Alyssa thinks inside the box...she is not an entrepreneur.” Notice the communication between Alyssa and Ilan. How do they talk to each other? How do they talk *about* each other? As the episode goes on, I find more and more clues about what’s really driving the conflict in their relationship. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.

I’m Ramit Sethi, author of the New York Times bestseller ‘I Will Teach You To Be Rich.’ I’ve always been fascinated with money and psychology. Why do some of us feel so anxious about money? Why do we feel guilty about spending on the things we love? And how do we handle our finances in a relationship? Most of us have never been taught how to have these conversations so we can get on the same page with our partner. That’s where I come in. I’m sitting down with couples, who’ll share real money problems and real numbers from behind closed doors. Some couples struggle, one is a spender and the other a saver. Other couples struggle on how to live their lives when they have hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. One couple agonizes over the cost of groceries -- even though they have a net worth of $8 million. ‘I Will Teach You To Be Rich’ gives you access to couples sharing the most intimate aspects of their lives. These are real stories about love and money from behind closed doors. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin Produced by Crate Media.