50. I Yelled at My Daughter This Morning and I Can't Stop Crying About It

I yelled at my 12-year-old daughter this morning. And then I sat in my car after drop off and cried.

Not because she hurt my feelings. But because I saw myself. I saw my father. I saw every person who ever yelled at me when I was a kid and made me feel small and terrified.

And I swore — I SWORE — I would never do that to my kids.

In this raw, unfiltered episode, I'm getting brutally honest about what it's really like to try to break generational trauma while you're still healing from it. About getting triggered by your own children. About the crushing mom guilt that comes when you repeat the exact patterns you promised yourself you'd never pass down.

I talk about growing up in a verbally and physically abusive home where staying small kept me safe. About having a stalker for 20 years and living in constant hypervigilance. About how those survival strategies followed me into motherhood — and how they show up even now, decades later, when my daughter is angry.

This episode doesn't have a neat bow. I don't give you five steps to never get triggered again. Because I don't have it figured out.

What I DO give you is permission. Permission to be human. Permission to mess up. Permission to yell at your kid and then go back and repair. Permission to be doing the work even when it's messy and hard and you keep fucking up.

Because that's what breaking generational trauma actually looks like. Not perfection. Repair.

Listen if you:

1. Yelled at your kids today and can't stop feeling guilty about it
2. Are trying to break generational trauma but keep repeating the same patterns
3. Get triggered by your children's big emotions
4. Grew up in an abusive or dysfunctional home and don't want your kids to have the same experience
5. Feel like you're failing at motherhood even though you're doing everything "right"
6. Wonder if you're passing down trauma to your children
7. Need permission to be imperfect and still be a good mom

What we cover:

1. What happened this morning with my 12-year-old daughter (the real, unedited story)
2. Why I get triggered when my daughter is angry — and what that has to do with my childhood
3. How growing up in an abusive home wired my nervous system to see anger as danger
4. The 20-year stalker experience and how hypervigilance became my default setting
5. Why healing isn't linear — and why you can do all the therapy and still fuck up
6. The difference between me and the people who raised me: I go back and repair
7. What breaking generational trauma actually looks like (spoiler: it's not perfection)
8. The 3 things I'm practicing: Awareness, Repair, Compassion
9. Why the fact that you feel guilty means you're already breaking the cycle

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