Lou Reads the Internet for YOU!

Hey everyone! I just got back from PAX and wanted to give you guys yet another mini-update from the Extrasode archives. This story was cut out of Episode 73: The Forums of Female First for time reasons (I think). This is a lovely short reading about a woman who comes to the most logical conclusion … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Bonus Content from Episode 73 – My Brother is my Baby Daddy"

Hello, true believers. I just wanted to drop a minisode I’ve been sitting on for a while. This was a recording I did for a listeners birthday a while back and I figure now is the time to share. The reading selection was suggested by the birthday girls significant other. If that isn’t true love … Continue reading "Lou Reads all About Foot Sniffing: a Minisode"

Have we no decency? No, not at my local movie theater, anyway. I go to this big theater in NYC and its a horrorshow. Imagine how delighted I was to find a large repository of pretty funny and, quite honestly, pretty racist comments about the place on Yelp. Anyway, I hope you enjoy listening to … Continue reading "Lou Reads Movie Reviews of His Local United Artists Movie Theater"

Ok, so this episode has me sorry on several fronts. First off I’m sorry that it took me so lont to come out with it. As I mentioned on the Facebook page I had some family related health news that has took the wind out of my sails. More about that in the podcast. Secondly … Continue reading "Lou Reads Endless Election Nonsense from Tea Party Nation"

Hello and welcome back to Lou Reads. I assure you that I have missed you almost as much as you’ve missed me. So this weeks episode is pretty self-explanatory. There is a subculture of men & women who enjoy the company of dolls. I won’t pretend to know the psychology behind it. Some people like … Continue reading "Lou Reads about Men Who Love Dolls and the Dolls that Lay There."

Ohhh… that old familiar feeling. You know the one. The feeling you get when you fill up your colon with several gallons of soapy liquid and then you dance around to make sure the water is loosening all your stool. Right! I knew we were talking about the same thing. Now, I’m sure most of … Continue reading "Lou Reads from the forums of EnemaPlease.com"

Okay, last episode was a tease. It should have been about drugs and it was all about people being crazy. This episode, I make it up to you with a reading from Opiophile.org. As you can probably guess, Opiophile is a website for people who love Opiates. And why wouldn’t they? Everyone says heroin is … Continue reading "Lou Reads from Forums of Opiophile.org"

Howdy folks. I meant to come to Bluelight.ru to read trip reports but I got distracted by this gem of a confessional thread entitled The Worst Thing You Have Ever Done. I was so taken with its stories that I had to share. Now, you may find it odd that some people considered these events … Continue reading "Lou Reads tales of the Worst Thing You’ve Ever Done from Bluelight.ru"

Hey guys. As you’ll hear on this episode of Lou Reads I had a series of unfortunate events last night & this morning. Lost over an hour of recording & then spilled coffee on all my computer stuff. To hold you over I hope you’ll enjoy this mp3 of the live show I just did. … Continue reading "Lou Reads Live – MP3 Version"

Are you feeling drained? It might be because someone nearby is not what they seem… YOU MAY BE UNDER ENERGY DRAIN ATTACK RIGHT NOW! No, its not just you didn’t get enough sleep or you’re bored. Its you, under energy drain attack by a vampire… right now! Don’t worry, though. According to this forum, vampires … Continue reading "Lou Reads about The Sucky World of Vampires"

I know this episode will seem short but let me tell you that recording it felt like it took forever. Not sure why. Anyway, this time around I’m reading peoples tales of what they consider to be Soul Crushing times in their lives. Some of these stories you’ll probably say, “Seriously? That crushed you? Get … Continue reading "Lou Reads Tales of Soul Crushing Moments from the Something Awful Forums"

First off, I would like to apologize to this forum for just straight mutilating the name of the forum for the 1st million times I said its name. The name of this forum is Orgasmanic not Orgasm Maniac or Orgasmania or whatever other retarded ways I pronounced it. I mean, I think you’d have to agree … Continue reading "Lou Reads from Orgasmanic. A Forum about General Sex & Masturbation Chat"

Lou Reads podcast is not responsible for any demons you may invite into your lives by listening to this podcast. Any hauntings, spookings or phantasasmings that may occur post-listening are totally not my fault and are probably a coincidence… Ok, The Unexplained Mysteries Forum was an interesting place to read from. Why? Because there seem … Continue reading "Lou Reads about Unexplained Mysteries"

First, I’d like to apologize about the opening part of this podcast. I should have described Hungry Pokemon as a forum for people who like talk about Pokemon Vore. Thats the main focus of the forum. Talking about Pokemon eating each other, eating people and sexual/eating encounters with them. They also discuss Pokemon generally but … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Pokemon Vore Discussions from The Hungry Pokemon Forum"

Thanks to the over-sharing members of the mighty Reddit for sharing their stories in this thread in AskReddit. I would like to commission a study on the apparent high frequency of  three-way sexual encounters and internet use. Are young people having more three-way sex because of the internet? Are internet users more likely to have menage-a-trois? Will … Continue reading "Lou Reads: AskReddit: Whats Your Most IRL Porn Story?"

Waiting tables… sucks. I’ve never done it but I have friends and loved ones who have made the food industry their careers. I’m sure if you’ve worked in a restaurant you’ll relate to these true submitted tales from the people who take your order every day. These particular tales come from the website called igotstiffed.com … Continue reading "Lou Reads Service Industry Complaints from IGOTSTIFFED.COM"

Hey there guys. It’s that time again. If you’re looking for a stupid gift for someone (including your stupid self) do I have an offer for you! Once again I am offering to read something for you, yes YOU, for the low sum of $5 in paypal monies. Need a new voicemail for your smartphone? … Continue reading "LOU READS 3rd ANNUAL HOLIDAY OFFER IS BACK!"

Look, I’ve been very busy lately. I had to go work at BlizzCon and then I had to finish some paid work and then I had to do some other junk. It’s really not any of you business… Okay, I’m just feeling bad because it took me so long to get this episode out. In order … Continue reading "Lou Reads Horrible Fetish Chat from Fetlife.com"

Fellow Psychonauts, for those about to dose, we salute your reckless bravery in your quest for shits, giggles and inner-truths. You asked for it and you got it! More tales of illegal drug adventures from the Vaults of Erowid. I hope you enjoy them! I seriously hope after listening to this harm-reduction podcast that you … Continue reading "Lou Reads Episode 80 – More Erowid Trip Reports"

Look, I know this is a touchy subject… but have you checked your penis lately? Yes, I’m talking about measuring it and comparing it to other dudes. It’s looking pretty pathetic… I mean who couldn’t use another foot of cock-beef hanging out the front of their pants? I mean TWO FEET of dong-meat? It boggles … Continue reading "Lou Reads Penis Enlargement Advice from PEGym"

Guys…. I’m sorry… have something to confess… One time… Well, you probably get the idea of this episode. It’s all kinds of confessions. I was originally going to split the episode between two different confession sites but as it turned out, one was enough. Real stories? People wasting time on the intertubes? I read. You … Continue reading "Lou Reads Confessions from Confessionpost.com"

I know I am going to come under psychic attack for this episode but so be it. I have my harpies at the ready! So this forum is for people who believe hardcore in the paranormal and hidden world. We’re talking spells. We’re talking spirits. We’re talking black magicks. The whole kit’n’kaboddle. So please imagine … Continue reading "Lou Reads from Creepy Hollow: A Place for Spirit Keeping, Spell Casting and Other Nonsense."

Everyone gets dumped. If you haven’t been dumped its either because you’re some kind of insecure jerk who always dumps people before they dump you or you’re some kind of unwanted gross person who no one wanted in the first place. WHY ARE YOU SO GROSS!? If you’re not one of those equally awful things … Continue reading "Lou Reads Tales of Best and Worst Break-Ups"

You asked for it and now you got it. I have finally ventured into the wilds of Reddit to search out something good to read! Thanks to the many suggestions of you loyal listeners I was able to bypass the one million imgur images submitted daily and found some great stuff. So in this inaugural … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Tales of Being Creepy from Ask Reddit"

Finally a place for ladies to go and talk about lady stuff. EWW! Well not just lady stuff… really people go to FemaleFirst.Co.UK to talk about all kinds of dumb stuff. And you can rest assured that they are talking a ton! I barely even scratched the surface and there was so much more to … Continue reading "Lou Reads from the Forums of FemaleFirst.Co.Uk (NSFW)"

Welcome! Welcome to the forum that made me feel like puking every step of the way. That’s right! You heard it here first! As you’ll soon hear I thought I might have met my match here in the bowels of the CumOnFood.net forums. That’s right. A forum… about people… who want to cum on food … Continue reading "Lou Reads from the forums of CumOnFood.net"

Hey there, true believers! Are you ready for some tales of eight legged wonders? How about stories about owning poisonous centipedes? How about the best way to handle your spiders? Are you man enough to do it barehanded? Or will you need to cool them down in the fridge first? Huh? YOU PUSSY! This weeks … Continue reading "Lou Reads from the Arachnoboards. Creepy Crawly People!"

Whattup Cuzzin? You heard about the forum where people in gangs can get together to shoot the shit about gang related topics? Oh, you ain’t? It’s called The Hood Up and its a place where you can kick back, relax and have a discussion with gang members all across the country. Well, good luck with … Continue reading "Lou Reads from TheHoodUp.com, a Place for Gangsters to Trade Tales and Recipes"

Oh Brother… Where to begin… My understanding of the “Tea Party” is that it was started to express outrage at Government spending and taxation deemed out of control. Why this only popped up once Obama was in office and not during the Bush years when the spending was out of control is beyond me. Please … Continue reading "Lou Reads the Discussions at Tea Party Nation"

Hay Everypony! I don’t want to hear any neighsaying about this episode of Lou Reads. I really got my hooves dirty on this one. Sure its not about gross sex, removing your balls or teen vampires but for me there is something inherently creepy about adults who get so bananas for a cartoon about . … Continue reading "Lou Reads: A Forum for Adults Who Love My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"

Hi boys and girls! If you’re like me, you hate your balls, or your cock, or both your cock and balls. Right? So what are we going to do about that? Well if you’re like the people on this forum you might put said private parts right up in this little beauty above. Not your … Continue reading "Lou Reads from the Forums of Eunuch Archive"

Whoa… wait… what? Did that just happen… whoa… wait… WHOA! Greetings, mellow fellows. Its been too long since I ventured in to the smoke filled corridors of the memories of stoners. “Wait,” you’re saying, “aren’t stoners memories highly suspect?” Ha, you said “highly.” Well, stoners may have short term memory effects about stuff like what … Continue reading "Lou Reads: More Stoner Moments from the Forums of Something Awful"

Welcome to the wonderful world of prostitutes… I mean escorts… Finally someone made a website that has stepped up to these unlicensed sex menaces and had the guts to let Johns anonymously complain about their services. I mean, how many of you out there have called an escort, had sex and then wished you had … Continue reading "Lou Reads Escort Reviews from Punternet"

This episode of Lou Reads the Internet for YOU! deals specifically with people who believe that angels, celestial teachers and other things are trying to contact us through our digital clocks. That’s right. If you happen to look over at your clock and see 11:11 or any other double number or numbers in sequence thats … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Craziness from the 11:11 Angels Forums"

So… first of all… welcome to a new year! Thats right, it’s 2011 and I’m starting this year off with a bang! Wait… do you hear that? What’s that sound? If you guessed the gentle sound of urine filling a pair of women’s shoes you guessed right! If you guessed that it was human semen … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Shoe Sessions Forum. A Place to Cum in Shoes! NSFW"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Go ahead! Open your present! I thought long and hard about what to get you and I really think it shows… Go ahead… We’ve all been there! It’s Christmas today and you are probably going to have to put on the happy face for a gift you don’t like at all. You probably … Continue reading "Lou Reads: What the hell is this shit? Tales of Terrible Xmas Gifts!"

Look, there is no two ways around this topic. This episode of Lou Reads is not for the weak. In fact I would say its outright gross. Now, you might say, “Hey, Lou, whats so gross about it? Its just gay men talking about mostly consensual, unprotected sex, with multiple sex partners per evening and … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Raw Tops Breeding Zone – Bareback Bonanza! – NSFW"

You know… I once thought that everyone who has a job loves the job and is grateful for the customers who come in and make that job possible. Oh, what a dreamer I was. Full of grand ideas about how the world worked and free trade economic policies… Then I got a job and realized … Continue reading "Lou Reads about Sucky Customers and the Sucks who Serve them at CustomersSuck.com"

Look, I’ve had it with you. You are a terrible person to live with! You’re a slob! You stink! You won’t let my friends have sex in your room when you’re out of town! Really, you are the worst person I’ve ever lived with and when this lease runs out in 10 months I am … Continue reading "Lou Reads tales of Bad Roommates"

Hey, have I ever told you this horrible secret that I have? No? Oh right, that’s because it’s a terrible horrible secret that I can never share with anyone I know! Or at least thats what I thought until I came across the site known as GroupHug.us! Much like a FML website its a place … Continue reading "Lou Reads Anonymous Confessions from GroupHug.us"

I’m sure there is one thing we can all agree on and that is that “Magic” is an evil and deceptive art sent by the devil to convince us that coins were up our noses or that there is an super long stream of hankies somewhere in our ears that ends in some spotted boxer … Continue reading "Lou Reads: The Magic Cafe Forums! Magical Topics for Wielders of Evil Forces"

A wise man once said, “To make a family in America you marry a woman. In Russia, WOMAN MARRIES YOU!” Man, its times like these when I am glad I married me an American lady. Sure, I know they are hard to deal with. What with their nagging and their “Why do you spend all … Continue reading "Lou Reads: All About Marrying the Russian Girl of Your (Bad) Dreams"

Hey Guys! What? You’ll have to excuse me. I’ve been up for a week. What? Oh yeah, I got a hold of some really great Crystal Meth. What? No… Its not addictive! Whatever! I can quit whenever I run out and can’t find anyone to rob or have sex with for money. So… do you … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Some Crystal Meth Fun from The Drugs-Forum"

What can I say about people who believe in past lives and reincarnation that they can’t say themselves? None of it makes any sense! Whether its a story about that one time they were alive a long time ago or if they remember being a -8 month old baby and what that was all about. … Continue reading "Lou Reads about Past Lives and Reincarnation!"

What are you looking at? Yeah, I’m talking you. You reading this. I said “What the fuck are you listening to??” Oh, wait… the first time I said looking at… Sorry… its just that I used to be a Bully. But now I seek help with my issue by going to forums and reading about … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Tales of Being Bullied from Ebaum Nation Forums"

Pity the poor misunderstood vampire! How they must suffer the slings and arrows of the normal world… Okay, I’m not going to sugar coat this. I think people who think they are vampires are retarded. I can understand the idea of playing a role when you get to that awkward “Where do I belong” part … Continue reading "Lou Reads about Vampire Awakenings from Sanguinarius"

Its time to look deep inside yourself and think about what terrifies you. Not rational fears like death or loss of your job. Things that terrify you irrationally. Well if you are a’fear’d of anything irrationally and need a place to see if you’re not alone then ofear is the place for you. Without further delay … Continue reading "Lou Reads: OFEAR.com the Phobia Forum"

I know, you’re saying “Finally! A podcast that is all about guy stuff!” Yes, I finally gave in and did a podcast about everyones favorite subject: Guys with really long balls. Low Hangers they call them. Apparently there are guys out there with naturally saggy or droopy testicles and this forum is where they get … Continue reading "Lou Reads: Rantallion – The Low Hanging Balls Support Group"

Have you ever heard someone sneeze and gotten totally turned on? How about you heard someone with a stuffed up nose trying to talk and gotten super aroused by it? No? Well, then you’re a normal person who is not at all very weird at least in the whole sneeze fetish sense. You may be … Continue reading "Lou Reads: The Sneeze Fetish Forum"

So it has come to this. An actual website dedicated to talking about poop. Sure, people have issues with their poop. It’s a dirty shameful business. But the levels of hang-ups people have with their pooping is pretty out there. Believe me, I’ve seen it all working at a university. I’ve even ecountered people who … Continue reading "Lou Reads: The Poop Report Forums. The Scoop about Poop!"