Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast

I don't even know, man.

A sexy woke vampire musical doesn't really seem like the type of thing we normally do around here, but this one takes the cake back from the white man and colonial Christianity. Follow two confused white men as they try to impress people with how good they are at decipher the plight of the black community in this thrilling, edge-of-our-seat thrill ride episode of Loathsome Things: A Podcast That Would Fight The Power If We Weren't Already Sweaty Just From Talking About a Movie!

What if some dude who liked to make people feel bad directed a home invasion film that he felt showcased important elements of what's wrong with society, but confused which thing was more important to him along the way, but still managed to make a near masterpiece in the process? That's not rhetorical, I'm asking you. Please tell me. If you aren't familiar with Funny Games, you might want to read up on it a little before diving in. The artistry is in the execution, not in the surprises. And, God damn, if it isn't artistic. You might be surprised by our ratings on this most Austrian episode of Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast for people who want to get art but don't quite get art, so their sentences about how they feel about art just kind of trail off at the end. Description OVER!

Two drippy knuckleheads go on stiltingly at length about a movie about a variety of drippy knuckleheads doing stuff? Nah, just kidding! It's another scholarly deep dive into the overlooked marginalia and mise-en-scène hidden behind every frame of every shot of every horror film pretending not to be an exemplar of high art. That's right, it's Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast, and this time we're covering Macon Blair's 2023 remake of The Toxic Avenger, starring Naomi Watts!

What happens when a spoiled no-talent musician is told by his paid support network that he'd be great at making movies despite not actually being very familiar with cinema? You can a the Durstiest of all episodes of Loathsome Things: A Biscuit-limpening podcast wherein two old fat white dudes pretend to operate a podcast while complaining about things of no interest to listeners and also maybe talking about horror movies or something and somehow managing to be very insulting to everyone along the way while also forgetting to make a joke about how much better this movie would have been if Jonathan Davis directed it. That's right, take your green pill, mutha funkees, it's time to go American all over nobody's butt cheeks! Oh, and also read this award-winning poem by ICE-murdered poet and former human being Renee Good: On Learning to Dissect Fetal Pigs by Renée Nicole Macklin

This one is basically a long episode of Star Trek with rad costumes, wild set design, huge donut-with-a-bite-taken-out spaceships, and some gigantic alien cadavers of a long-lost species. Oh yeah, and a tuning fork. It's Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast IN SPACE!

Gabe Bartalos gave us the Christmas gift that keeps on giving: a wild ride inside his traumatized dream-art. You got your dreamscape classics, boning a lady covered in bones, being rescued by stop-motion hair-stick-guys, wine-guzzling cigar cops, sexually abusive uncles with mega-demon pants-junk, Andy Jackson and Abe Lincoln teaming up against Benny Franklin to symbolize... maybe people with less money rising up and destroying the rich? Why did the man with no legs pour salt in the open wounds of the woman whose legs he just destroyed with his salt-delivery van? Join us for a freakishly muscular, if short, episode of Loathsome Things: A Podcast Trying to Understand Art Films, But Not Arthouse Films!... or something...

It's our most Christ-centric episode of Loathsome Things since the great Christmas celebration of Mel Gibson's Passion! This time, we review a little crowd-funded Christian Thriller about a pastor, his church-wife, their small, creepy, non-church-going neighbor, and an actually surprising ending that... no one really knows what it means... and isn't that just the most God-like thing after all? Content Warning: profanity, heresy, blasphemy, rudeness, bad jokes, sin, and many more!

Before he was re-imagining Satanic Panic through the lens of a washed-up Cage-y rock star, Osgood Perkins was down for some woke re-telling of a fable so littered with bad horror movies, it's no wonder people didn't pay attention to this one. Here, we get a feminist Hansel and Gretel story with some BRON-tastic visual, a sprinkling of Jodorowsky-sky-sky inspo, and a nod to the "Potato Famine" being a wealth-induced massacre rather than the natural disaster people like to play it off as. It's the visually stunning, surprisingly short Gretel & Hansel on this fortnight's episode of Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast for people on the spectrum!

A bunch of teenaged girls have a sleepover while other teenaged girls on the same street aren't invited. Who else isn't invited, you ask? Why, a slew of men! You've got creepy neighbors, peeping tom goons dry-humping each other while watching the girls change clothes, an insistent boyfriend with a glandular problem you can see, and, oh yeah, an escaped serial killer with a taste for denim and an enormous magic drill that doesn't compensate for anything, if you catch my drift. It's a less formulaic and maybe much worse episode of Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast no one listens to, now featuring the meow meow styling of Rita Mae Brown's thirst for cat boobies.

It's 1982, what do you want, a medal? Get out of here! It's the forgotten classic of the Halloween franchise, unless you didn't forget about it! You nerd!

Take some inspiration from H.P. Lovecraft's “The Dreams in the Witch House,” add a a pinch of The Raid, a huge bag of pills stolen from mobsters, make it about women, and you've got yourself a soup going! This is a horror movie hidden gem, and if you don't like it, you're a poo-poo-head! It's Loathsome Things: A Podcast that isn't afraid to call people a poo-poo-head for not sharing our opinions of horror movies. 3 innocent girls will die at dawn. A new planet will appear out of nowhere and it will devour the sun’s light. This will be coronation day. And so, Lamaasthu will rule.

You've got Playboy Playmate nudity, tongue-thru-cheek cultural criticism, proto-Pizzagate conspiracy, a lot of uncomfortably sensual touching, and someone's Freudians poppin' out of something. This time, we finally reviewed the body horror masterpiece: Society!

One step forward, two steps back for humanity, here we go! It's Lucky McKee's greatest sequel, full of ooey, gooey masculinity troubles, lady troubles, and socket troubles. Everything's problematic on this episode of Loathsome Things: the best podcast to listen to if you're sad.

Two slim, lithe, youthful, excitable, exuberant, perky, naked, lesbian, erotic, sexy, hot, teen, shrill, possessed nuns have to figure out what kind of a movie they're supposed to be in between bouts of directionless shrieking, tit-play, and unleashing the full bush. It's one of the originals of nunsploitation, it's very nearly unbearable to watch, and John and Josh both loved it, as did Guillermo del Toro, so we made fun of him for having bad taste. That's the level of quality you've come to demand of Loathsome Things: The Only Horror Movie Podcast named after a line in a poem that has nothing to do with poetry.

What does Planet of the Apes and a Van Helsing analog traveling to Transylvania have in common with titanium orgy werewolves and bad mod music? Apparently, it's Sybil Danning getting topless only once, and yet also somehow 18 times. That doesn't make sense, and yet you'll understand exactly what that means when you tune in to this episode of Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast that continues to compare nipples to pizza toppings out of solidarity with the ladies.

The epitome of 21st century takes on 20th century _ from space movies, this James Gunn classic references Henelotter, Tremors, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, The Toxic Avenger, Goosebumps, Alien, Predator, Society, Shivers, and possibly even Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The make-up and practical effects pair perfectly with 2006's digital effects and the over-the-ham acting of Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, Michael Rooker, and Gregg Henry. This one will fill you up to bursting but still leave you hungry for more!

One of the most entertaining horror movies seen by this podcast. OMG.

At the intersection of feminism and cryptozoology, you'll find many a shattered and sympathetic character, along with more than your typical number of meta-physical portals to other realities and men trying to keep you from realizing your inner power. There's also an abundance of white, murky slime and confusingly sensual canals. Learn the deepest secrets of womanhood while listening to two overweight bearded men sigh and wheeze on this most liberal agenda'd episode of Loathsome Things: A Horror Movie Podcast that believes women.