Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. Recover is not a pill > Recovery is a path. Recovery is not a quick fix > Recovery is a lifestyle, lived one day at a time. Recovery allows us to live with a “new set of glasses.” People in recovery no longer see life through the “tinted glasses” that denial gives them, but they begin to live in clear reality. A person no longer sees life through the “foggy” glasses of denial, but a person begins to live in reality. Addiction enslaves a person emotionally and spiritually then begins to harm relational-social life finally, it harms the biological-physiological life Recovery FROM addiction is freedom from what enslaves a person, so they can get recovery OF who they were meant to be. Recovery OF one’s self is a return to the emotional and spiritual human being who finds fulfillment through relationship with others and God. The Process of Recovery Recovery requires that a person step into a journey they have never been on before. They need a map and guideposts along the path to know if they are going in the “best” direction. The roadmap for recovery is found in the 12-Steps, a recovery map with guideposts that a person follows with guidance from others. The roadmap can break the “spell” of the continuous circle of addiction repetition. Addiction repetition is like being on a train in your own personal boxcar. It doesn’t matter how one thinks, what one promises, or fantasizes, the train is going where the tracks are laid. Addiction owns the tracks and the train. Recovery requires that a person jump off a moving train. Recovery places a person on their own ship and they sail onto the ocean, where there are no tracks, except for desire, dependence and destination. The recovering person is guided by the compass of the 12-Steps and the north star of relationships, especially God. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. Recover is not a pill > Recovery is a path. Recovery is not a quick fix > Recovery is a lifestyle, lived one day at a time. Recovery allows us to live with a “new set of glasses.” People in recovery no longer see life through the “tinted glasses” that denial gives them, but they begin to live in clear reality. A person no longer sees life through the “foggy” glasses of denial, but a person begins to live in reality. While recovery has thousands upon thousands of personal benefits, the personal benefits do not mean that you’re the loved ones will change along with you, join you, or even be willing to participate with you. This reality is called resistance to change. Resistant to change can be in the “main person” who has a clear and primary addiction, or it can be in the “co-addict,” or the one who has enabled, adjusted to, joined in, or “put up with” the primary addiction. The condition of a “co-addict” is addressed in the Codependency Episodes, 32-44. Resistance to Change Resistance to change is not rooted in a negative motivation. The soil out of which it grows is about not being willing to be controlled by “forces” that may not want my good. For example, in World War II, the French RESISTANCE fought the German forces from behind enemy lines to keep them from taking over or controlling the French homeland. However, resistance that is an unwillingness to grow or change will yield “negative” consequences. This negative fruit can come from roots of terror, toxic shame, fear of loss, and secrecy. Sadly, this resistance can lead to control addiction. This control addiction can be in the “main” person or the “co-addict” as mentioned above. The way to assess resistance as positive or negative starts with grasping the meaning of admission and surrender. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. Recover is not a pill > Recovery is a path. Recovery is not a quick fix > Recovery is a lifestyle, lived one day at a time. Recovery allows us to live with a “new set of glasses.” People in recovery no longer see life through the “tinted glasses” that denial gives them, but they begin to live in clear reality. A person no longer sees life through the “foggy” glasses of denial, but a person begins to live in reality. While recovery has thousands upon thousands of personal benefits, the personal benefits do not mean that you’re the loved ones will change along with you, join you, or even be willing to participate with you. This reality is called resistance to change. Resistant to change can be in the “main person” who has a clear and primary addiction, or it can be in the “co-addict,” or the one who has enabled, adjusted to, joined in, or “put up with” the primary addiction. The condition of a “co-addict” is addressed in the Codependency Episodes, 32-44. The question becomes, “How do I do relationship with someone who doesn’t want to join me in this new way of living?” Recovery From addiction processes and recovery OF who I am created to be is a genuine form of authentic life, without running from one’s own heart. Resistance to change, then, is a heart problem. Addiction in and of itself is rooted in denial, which requires that the status quo becomes the primary focus in relational life, not the capacity to adjust to change. Acceptance of and willingness to change requires the ability to “deny” denial. Addiction is founded in denial. Change is founded on “denying” denial. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. Recover is not a pill > Recovery is a path. Recovery is not a quick fix > Recovery is a lifestyle, lived one day at a time. Recovery allows us to live with a “new set of glasses.” People in recovery no longer see life through the “tinted glasses” that denial gives them, but they begin to live in clear reality. This clear reality contains a new hope that is the soil out of which the ability to live will fully grow. Recovery provides so much more than abstinence FROM what was harmful. It allows a person to get recovery OF. Not only does admission of powerlessness (The First Step, episode #106) open the door to recovery, it “admits” a person onto the path of healing and liberation. Admission is an entrance. The healing is in the “connection rupture” from childhood development that blocks the empowerment of dependency resilience. The liberation is in reclaiming the Six Freedoms (Free Resource at chipdodd.com). There are three steps to begin recovery. The first three steps, however, are just the beginning. We admit we were powerless over __________ (addiction) and that our lives have become unmanageable. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We make a decision to turn our lives and will over to the care of God as we understand Him. These three steps are from the 12-Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and yet they apply to all addiction and recovery. The primary addiction of all people addicted is control addiction. Basically, a person who lives in recovery recommits to these three steps every morning for the rest of his/her life. Here are the first three steps in a nutshell: I can’t He can I will let Him. Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE: Six Freedoms from Birth The Power of Admission: When we admit we have a problem that we cannot stop repeating and this problem creates negative consequences, we have begun the first movement of recovery. Admission is often mistakenly related to losing, or what is associated with being a “loser.” Addiction is fueled by toxic shame. This toxic shame “ranks” everything being about winners and losers, a scoreboard, comparison, ranking, excluding/including and worth. Our toxic shame mistakenly identifies our admission as being a failure or worthless. Most recovering people who recount their stories will agree that admission of a problem is very often experienced as relief. People who are addicted are often tired of being enslaved by the addiction. Recovery ultimately moves a person away from “ranking” themselves over and over again to recognizing a new way of seeing success. Success is having a passion plus pursuit that will contend with obstacles and challenges. There is no ranking or even competition. The only focus is keeping the passion fueled. Success, then, comes in many packages, from planting flowers every spring and “feeding” bees and butterflies, to becoming a neurosurgeon who discovers a new method for brain surgery. The power of admitting addiction is the first step towards returning to and then becoming “whole” again. Admission moves a person into their “Six Freedoms from Birth” journey. Recovery from the sickness of addiction moves us toward recovery of who we were created to become. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE: Relinquishing Your Defenses Ultimately, every person who becomes addicted to any substance or behavioral process is running from knowing how to or being willing to contend with four realities and four promises (from episode #104), which requires that we know what to do with our feelings and needs. We must become “response-able” to contend with life on life’s terms. While life is wonderful, it is also very painful. Even love, which is what we most desire, is very painful. We are emotional and spiritual creatures, and we are created to live fully. We are created to find fulfillment in relationship with ourselves, others and God. If we run from feelings and needs and the responsibility, we have to deal with them as emotional and spiritual creatures, we cannot fulfil our desire to live fully and love deeply. On my website, chipdodd.com, you will find a FREE RESOURCE called, Relinquishing Your Defenses. This resource uses a triangle diagram to show the trap we can get caught in if we run from feelings and needs. We can become trapped in a never-ending cycle of avoidance and projection, “mind-reading,” and judgmental conclusions about everyone (Codependency Episodes, 32-44, Season 4). People can get trapped in the victim-martyr-persecutor roles that become a person’s reaction to any forms of vulnerability that produce emotional arousal. Anxiety fuels the defensive roles. Judgmentalism creates a repetition of behaviors that a person uses to block or defend themselves from perceived threat. The Victim - The victim role is not about being immature or weak. It is about life experiences in which a child “discovers” that their feeling responses to life are ignored or negated in some other form. The experience creates a sense of helplessness, which means “no help is coming.” Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE: Four Realities and Four Promises Ultimately, every person who becomes addicted to any substance or behavioral process is running from knowing how to or being willing to contend with four realities and four promises. Because the four realities are in conflict with the experience of the four promises, a person must find a way to integrate the conflict or avoid real life. We are emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully. We are created to only be able to find fulfillment in relationship with ourselves, others and God. As emotional and spiritual creatures, if we run from feelings and needs, we cannot resolve the conflict between reality and the truth of God. Four Realties The best we ever become is still clumsy. We are all like “giraffes running on ice.” Perfection is not attainable. We must live life on life’s terms. We don’t make the rules about how life works. No one defeats death, pain, or the craving to connect in relationship. To love always requires that we learn how to tolerate pain. Everything in life is practice. Doctors practice medicine, lawyers practice law. Parents, likewise, are practicing being parents, as are people practicing being human. Children are working very hard practicing being children. No one has all the answers. We are all works in progress, not works of perfection. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Whether a person is eight or eighty-eight, we still have questions about living and life, relationships, love, success, needs, and God. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE: The Addiction Cycle Addiction is a disease, but its genesis is related to the trauma, and subsequent toxic shame that occurs relationally. It is actually a neuro-physiological sickness that originates relationally and emotionally. When we, as children, reject our vulnerable need for emotional connection with our important caregivers and other emotional influencers, we end up suppressing our true self and this creates toxic shame. A person with addiction is driven by his/her anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes, and they seek to relieve themselves from this anxiety of anticipating negative outcomes. The need for relief from anxiety and the energy required to suppress genuine feelings and needs sets a person up to seek relief from anxiety. The relief comes in the form of counterfeit fulfillment of genuine relational connection. Counterfeit fulfillment “feels” like relationship with self, others, and even God temporarily, but it is not genuine relational connection because the person is avoiding their core feelings and needs. A person who is addicted continues to struggle in a cycle of escaping his/her feelings. This cycle is usually associated with what people call “stress.” This cycle works as follows: An event occurs that a person has feelings about and the feelings need to be addressed. The person has increased anxiety, promoting a “need” for escape. Preoccupation with control over unwanted feelings and negative anxiety begins to be the focus of the “threatened” person. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. FREE RESOURCE: The Toxic Shame Cycle Go to Free Resources at chipdodd.com What is Toxic Shame? Toxic shame is the rejection of healthy shame. Healthy shame allows us to recognize and accept our dependence upon others and God as we struggle to live fully in a tragic place. Every child is “okay” being in need. When we lose our ability to be comfortable needing others, we develop toxic shame. Ultimately, we become (a)shamed, which means “no healthy shame.” Addiction grows out of the poisonous ground of toxic shame. As toxic shame is developing, it begins to disrupt our normal sense of inborn worth. Every child comes into life with a sense of self-worth. It is a God-given attribute of being created in His image. Self-worth drives the child to cry out for his/her needs to be met. It drives him/her to have confidence that their craving is good. Toxic shame occurs when the normal human responses of the child are rejected, neglected, abused, or simply ignored. Normal human responses are: feelings needs desire longings hope Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. You can also RSVP to Bryan for "Awaken the Heart" on Sunday, March 1 - more details here. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. We are created to live fully, and we do so through relationship with ourselves, others, and God, as we bring the true heart of feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope to relationships. Relationship requires vulnerability. If the ability to be “comfortable” with dependence is fractured in one’s earlier years of life, the result is a set up for that person to feel the need to “hide” his/her heart. Instead of remaining present and connected, he/she has a compulsion to perform in order to belong or matter. Trauma is experienced when one’s ability to accept their need for dependence is fractured. The need to suppress emotional pain in order to survive, belong, and matter is the foundation upon which addiction is built. Addiction is a false fulfillment of how we are created to live. Addiction is relationship with a substance or process that gives a sense of connection without having to be vulnerable; in other words, a person can distract or numb themselves from having to feel by using some form of avoidance of relationship with one’s self, others, and God. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. What is the purpose for creating this podcast, Living with Heart: From Birth to Death? When Chip and Bryan began Living with Heart: From Birth to Death, they hoped to communicate one central message: Helping people see who they are made to be, so they can do what they are made to do, which will move them to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that bless others. In today’s episode, they take a break from their current series on addiction to celebrate with listeners the achievement of the milestone of episode #100. Bryan asked Dr Dodd to explain the driving force that has motivated him to continue in his work. Dr Dodd’s responses: The most productive time in a person’s career when he/she is in their 60s. We so often make the mistake of seeing the 60–70-year-old age bracket as a time for retirement or “letting the younger generations have it now” period. Nothing could be more mistaken or sad. The younger generations need paths to follow and the older generations still need to remain beneficial to their communities. A wise person once said that the fullest life is one of maximum service. From the age of 60 onward is potentially the most productive period of one’s life for four reasons: The wisdom gained from experience and proven capability are most integrated at that age. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction: what addiction is how addiction operates what recovery entails The pervasive impact of addiction The pervasiveness of addiction and its impact makes it a pandemic, perhaps the deadliest human beings have ever experienced. A pandemic is an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area (continents in the case of addiction.) It affects a significant proportion of the population. An epidemic is localized. A pandemic refers to “all demographics.” Tragically, Addiction impairs the addict’s ability to see the impact of their addiction. This impairment is called denial. It prevents the addict from seeing clearly and accurately the consequences of his/her addiction. We have 30+ million alcoholics in this country and 15+ million people addicted to illegal drugs. For every one person chemically dependent on alcohol or illegal drugs, 3 to 4 other people are emotionally, mentally, if not physically harmed. These addictions result in emotional trauma, setting up the high probability of tendency toward addiction. Adding up the numbers using only the impact of addiction upon 3 people is 135 million people in this nation harmed. When the addicted person is added to the number, the impact is monstrous. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction: what addiction is how addiction operates what recovery entails How Addiction Operates Addiction as a feelings problem Addiction is a “feelings” disorder. A disorder of not knowing how to face, feel, and deal with the feelings that come with living life on life’s terms. Life is a “feelings” experience, one we don’t control as much as we must face, feel, and deal with as wisely and productively as we possibly can. To face life wisely and productively requires that we live in connection with others and God in an intimate way. The substitute for living relationally connected is to distract ourselves from our own needs. This means that we attempt to find a counterfeit connection that offers a relief, but not what we genuinely need. The distraction from our own hearts becomes the addictive process. Addiction is marked by negative consequences for the addicted person, but their actions don’t change. Addiction also has its foundation on the defense of denial. Denial has five characteristics: Denial of facing the reality of what is occurring. Denial of the feelings related to reality. Denial of the needs related to the feelings. Denial about talking about the first three characteristics. Denial of the need to trust that things can actually be different. Addiction is rooted in toxic shame. Toxic shame is the internal sense of contempt a person has towards their feelings and needs the “clumsiness” of being human the reality of imperfection Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. What is Substack? It is a subscription-based platform that allows independent writers and other creators to publish content directly to their subscribers’ inboxes. The cost of the subscription is only $7 a month. Dr. Dodd shares content two to three times a week. The content focuses on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. To subscribe, use the link above or go to chipdodd.com. In this new season, “What is Addiction” we will focus on three main aspects of addiction: what addiction is how addiction operates what recovery entails What is addiction? Addiction is a counterfeit substitute for the normal desire for fulfillment and relief-seeking. Addiction actually robs us of the legitimate fulfillment and relief that we seek. Addiction prevents us from seeing who we are made to be and blocks us from doing what we are made to do. Addiction is a thief that steals, kills, and destroys. Addiction defined Addiction is a set of behaviors that eventually result in negative outcomes and yet the person continues in the behavior, without admitting that the problem is beyond their own control to change it or stop it. Addiction as a sickness: In 1957 the American Medical Association concluded that addiction fit the categories to be classified as a disease, not a moral, intellectual, or will power failure. Alcoholics Anonymous had been operating under the conclusion that addiction was a sickness that required a relational and spiritual “cure” since 1935. The AMA stated that addiction, like all diseases, is a morbid process, with a characteristic set of symptoms, of known or unknown origin, that is chronic, progressive, and often fatal. Addiction is specifically marked by denial, blame, and projection. Ultimately, a self-diagnosis is required for recovery to a normal life and lifestyle. Addiction is not: An intellectual problem. Everyone who is addicted to any substance or process uses “artful” logic to continue and justify their actions. A will power problem. Everyone who is addicted is able to continue to operate, usually like “normal”, while being burdened by the “secrecy” of what is actually going on. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Be sure to subscribe to Dr Chip Dodd’s new Substack. He will be sharing two to three articles a week, beginning December 2nd. The topics focus on healthy relationship, personal growth, and leadership. Dr Dodd continues to focus on his mission of almost 40 years, helping people see who they are made to be, so they can do what they are created to do. The articles in December focus on living fully, loving deeply, and leading well during the holidays. It is the month of Christmas. How are you going to keep Christ in Christmas this year? I recommend spending a few minutes each day in December reading The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional. This devotional will take you through the Bible, from Genesis to the birth of Jesus. Each day focuses on God’s protection of the royal line of Jesus and God’s plan of redemption for His people. Chip begins the episode reading an article called, “I Believe It Like Air” that he puts out every year. It is a statement of believing in the miracle of Jesus’ birth, as much as he believes in the air he breathes moment to moment. (This article is also included in Substack on December 23.) So many of us never actually grow-up, which is to face that we are primarily emotional and spiritual creatures who find fulfillment in relationship. Our fulfillment comes from being able to connect to our own hearts, the hearts of others, and the heart of God. “Adults” are people who wear masks to hide what they don’t know, to cover up the vulnerability that exposes their neediness. Grown-ups develop maturity by being in need and growing and becoming more and more response able. Adults do not mature beyond their ability to mask vulnerability. “Adults” lose the meaning and wonder of Christmas. Grown-ups live it fully with a faith that can contend with tragedy. Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have established strength, Because of Your enemies, That You may silence the enemy and the avenger. (Psalm 8:2, NKJV) Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. It is amost Thanksgiving, and Christmas is just around the corner. How are you going to keep Christ in Christmas this year? I recommend spending a few minutes each day in December reading The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional. This devotional will take you through the Bible, from Genesis to the birth of Jesus. Each day focuses on God’s protection of the royal line of Jesus and God’s plan of redemption for His people. We are made for more October to April opens up the most magical time of the year and potentially the most painful. As the fall approaches and the “harvest” season settles into our consciousness, we begin to long for what the holidays are created to offer, family, friends, and fellowship. The windows of the “soul” open to our heavenly longings as the holiday season of anticipation begins. The window remains open until the new year begins, our resolutions have turned back into daily life, and we lift the “heavy burden” of getting back to work—we prepare to pay our taxes in April! If we allow ourselves to long for what we dream the holidays can offer, we will also need to allow ourselves to grieve what they cannot give us—heavenly completion on earth: It is okay to grieve The family gatherings will not live up to what we dream at the worst, and they will end with departures at their best. The friends we love to be with will need to return to their places of other purposes. The fellowship that blesses us will also come to an end. We can experience heavenly hints of completion, but not get to remain in the place of completion. The holidays awaken us to holy moments of seeing how life could be, or is created to be, but this is still not heaven. In the movie “Field of Dreams” a character asks, “Is this heaven?” The answer to the beautiful question of hope is, “No, this is Iowa.” We can taste heaven here during the holiday season, but not keep it or possess it; we can only take time to live it by bringing family and friends together in fellowship. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights! The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. It is already November, and Christmas is just around the corner. How are you going to keep Christ in Christmas this year? I recommend spending a few minutes each day in December reading The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional. This devotional will take you through the Bible, from Genesis to the birth of Jesus. Each day focuses on God’s protection of the royal line of Jesus and God’s plan of redemption for His people. 2 Helpful and free resources along your parenting journey: Characteristics of a Functional Family 8 Feelings for Children Chart I recommend purchasing a copy of How Are You Feeling Today? This children’s book about feelings will help you get started in guiding your children to understand express their feelings. This would be a great Christmas present for the children in your lives. There are four characteristics that every parent needs to “allow” children to experience, so that they can grow into thriving grownups. Parents often struggle with their own past experiences and their intolerance of feelings. Sadly, they often don’t develop the ability to know how to deal with the feelings that come when a child has to struggle with life’s experiences. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. It is already November, and Christmas is just around the corner. How are you going to keep Christ in Christmas this year? I recommend spending a few minutes each day in December reading The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional. This devotional will take you through the Bible, from Genesis to the birth of Jesus. Each day focuses on God’s protection of the royal line of Jesus and God’s plan of redemption for His people. 2 Helpful and free resources along your parenting journey: Characteristics of a Functional Family 8 Feelings for Children Chart I recommend purchasing a copy of How Are You Feeling Today? This children’s book about feelings will help you get started in guiding your children to understand express their feelings. This would be a great Christmas present for the children in your lives. The Remaining 6 Characteristics of a Healthy Family: Family members can be different. Parents do what they say, and they are self-disciplined disciplinarians. Roles are flexible and chosen; no one person “always” has the same “job.” Rules require accountability. Violation of healthy family values leads to guilt. Mistakes are forgiven and viewed as learning tools. Parents are aware of not being God; they have healthy shame. In healthy relationships six general principles create a foundation for emotional, spiritual, and relational development: I can talk openly about things that are important to me. I can name my feelings, values, beliefs, and keep my behaviors consistent with them. I can define the limits of what I can comfortably do or give. I can clarify what is acceptable or tolerable in a relationship. I can share my vulnerabilities and competencies with others. I can give others permission to do the same things. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. It is already November, and Christmas is just around the corner. How are you going to keep Christ in Christmas this year? I recommend spending a few minutes each day in December reading The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional. This devotional will take you through the Bible, from Genesis to the birth of Jesus. Each day focuses on God’s protection of the royal line of Jesus and God’s plan of redemption for His people. 2 Helpful and free resources along your parenting journey: Characteristics of a Functional Family 8 Feelings for Children Chart I recommend purchasing a copy of How Are You Feeling Today? This children’s book about feelings will help you get started in guiding your children to understand express their feelings. TO ALL PARENTS: Please remember that the list the characteristics of a healthy family is not about a perfect family; it is about a functioning family. A functional family simply consistently works on “working things out” for love’s sake. Perfect isn’t functional. An atmosphere of perfection is oppressive; it is just as damaging as a chaotic atmosphere is abandoning. Neither a perfectionistic nor a chaotic atmosphere advance emotional, spiritual, and relational growth. To parent well, we need to be willing to seek aid, wisdom, and courage from God and others. No one has all the answers, but our humility can allow us to have more than we would have without asking. There are six basic principles to creating a functional relational system, one in which relationship and health is the primary concern, whether it be a family, friendship or marriage: I can talk openly about things that are important to me. I can name my feelings, beliefs, and values, and keep my behaviors consistent with them. I can define the limits of what I can comfortably do or give. I can clarify the limits of what is acceptable or tolerable in the relationship. I can openly share my vulnerabilities and competencies with others. I can give permission and support others in doing the same things. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today The research in the book, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness supports everything that is contained in each and every episode of Living with Heart: From Birth to Death. The authors state, “Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period” (page 10). The 85-year longitudinal study, which is ongoing, concluded that, “Relationships are not just essential as stepping-stones to other things, and they are not simply a functional route to health and happiness. They are an end in themselves.” (page 51). The Good Life, by Robert Waldinger, MD, and Marc Schulz, PhD. Living with Heart podcast content focus is always about how we are created to find fulfillment through relationships. We are created as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to do one thing in this life and that is live fully. We cannot live fully unless we are doing so in relationship with ourselves, others, and God. The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd, PhD. Digital age Since the early 21st century our children have been living in a time unlike any other in history. The technological advances, starting with the internet, then the cell phone, and now AI, have presented parents and children with a significant dilemma, one that will require some difficult choices to combat the negative consequences of our extraordinary advancements. Digital technology has been proven to be addictive; screening distracts people from their emotions and addressing their needs for connecting relationally. Screening distracts people from their emotions and needs for connecting relationally, and AI puts people at risk of avoiding the brain work of thinking. We are creating a world in which we are not actually involved, with “sweat, thinking, touching the dirt, needing others with us, etc.” FOMO and the increase of depression and anxiety is directly related to the digital age. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today The focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” is parenting. Some of the content in these episodes loosely connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd. Taking responsibility as a parent is referred to in several ways: “Dealing with unfinished business” “Doing your own work” “Owning your own problems” “Self-care to care about others” Taking responsibility as a parent means that a parent accepts that they are a work in progress, as is every child. We are all WIPs (works in progress). A WIP recognizes that humility is an essential factor to be a healthy, responsible parent. A WIP has healthy shame, identified by five basic recognitions: I make mistakes; so do others. I need other grown-ups and others need me. I don’t have all the answers, but I will share what I do know. I ask questions when I don’t know how to do something; I support others in doing the same. I am not God; I am in need of God. The responsible parent is a WIP who: has humility has a willingness to grow and change and recognizes that they are just as human as their children The responsible parent also faces and is humbled by these realities: The best we ever become is clumsy. We have to live life on life’s terms. Everything in life is practice. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. These four realities that are faced by the parent, give permission to the parent, and child alike, to live with imperfection and still pursue excellence. Basically, there is no finish line. By having an attitude and disposition that focuses on growth, not perfection, parents create a healthy environment of children. Ultimately, the responsible parent is a person who lives the Golden Rule. Jesus said, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12, NIV). Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. What is the meaning of remember? We tend to think that remember only means to recall facts, a place, an occurrence, or a time period. It is that and much more. Remember also means to take into account the emotional impact of what we recall. It is the need to integrate all the experiences of living. “Re-member” can mean to keep your thinking, feeling, and behaving congruent with your environment and the people who live in it. For a parent, the definition of remember that also includes “re-member” is a need for the parent to recall and integrate what it was like to be a child, regardless of what age. The parent who does not “re-member” will forget the difficulties, and even the joys of growing up. They will not parent the way a child needs to be parented, or the way the parent actually wishes to do. Many parents run from “re-membering” because it requires that we feel and integrate “the good, the bad, and the ugly” of our own lives. To remember requires that we face, feel, and deal with the pain of failure and the sweet memories of success. If we don’t have the courage or willingness to remember, our children have to miss richer connections that they were made to have. Parents who are not willing to grow, have difficulty tolerating their own feelings, and their own inherent neediness; the effect is that they will have lower tolerance for the feelings and needs of the child. Three helpful attitudes to develop to help parents “re-member” Acknowledging distance Doing the work of daily remembrance Facing the impossible What is distance? Distance is to remember that the parent lives in another “time-zone,” called the future in relation to a child. A child struggles in a place that the parent has gone beyond. Either the parent can recall the heart ache or the heart delight, and can relate to the child, or the parent’s need to ignore or suppress their experience will block emotional and spiritual connection to the child. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today Four realities that no one will defeat, this side of heaven. The best we ever get at living is clumsy. No one can become perfect, even though we carry a picture of it in our hearts. Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) says, “He has set eternity in the human heart.” No matter our determination or information, we humans will always have to struggle with mistakes and sin. We have to live on life’s terms, not our terms. Death and the unpredictable are a part of this life. We cannot know the future. We are dependent upon our need of each other and God. If we do not face, feel, and deal well with our neediness in a healthy way, we will become defended against the pains that come with love. No one can change or defeat this fact about life. If we don’t learn how to need others and God, it increases the negative consequences we don’t want for ourselves or those we love. Everything in life is practice. Doctors are practicing, and lawyers are practicing. Parents are also practicing, as are children. We are not works of perfection. We have to keep learning and risking without knowing all of the outcomes. We are in this life together; the more proactive everyone is in helping each other practice living fully and loving deeply, the better the outcomes. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live. Whether we are eight, twenty-eight, or eighty, we are still asking many of the same questions throughout our lives, like, “When will we get there?” “How much will it hurt?” or “Will you be there to get me?” No one has all the answers to life. We have to keep learning how to live, even as we gain wisdom about doing so, hopefully. There is not a destination of “having it all together.” We are all works in progress. Rather than the facts of reality defeating us, they can actually give us permission to gain more humility. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 2 Helpful resources along the parenting journey: Link to 8 Feelings for Children Chart How Are You Feeling Today The focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” is parenting. Some of the content in these episodes loosely connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd. The content of episode #86, “Big Results from Simple Actions,” comes from a free resource that can be downloaded at chipdodd.com. Big Results from Simple Actions - Chip Dodd, Ph.D. The following is a list of eleven qualities that make leaders worth joining and make participants valuable to leaders. These eleven simple actions are what leaders and participants do who create vibrant, sustainable, productive environments in which excellence is the norm. The list also speaks to what parents hope their children will learn and what children hope their parents already practice. In addition, the list speaks to how friendship is honored, and how marital partners express respect for one’s self and their spouse. The driving force of these qualities comes out of what psychology calls an internal locus of control and what the rest of us call being responsible because it feels good and it’s good to do. Simply put, the action-oriented qualities listed below show that a person brings ability, effort, and excellence to what they do. If you open it—close it. If you unlock it—lock it back. If you drop it—pick it up. If you borrow it—return it. If you use it—take care of it. If you break it—fix it. If you can’t fix it—call someone who can. If you mess it up—clean it up. If you give your word—keep it. If it is your responsibility—own it. If it encourages someone—say it. To summarize, I end where I started. The actions listed above are what make leaders worth joining, and make participants valuable to leaders. The actions speak to what parents hope their children will learn, and what children hope their parents already practice, so they can learn. In addition, the actions speak to how friendship is honored, and how marital partners express respect for one’s self and the other. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Parenting is the focus of this season on “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death.” Some of the content of the following episodes connects to the book, Parenting with Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd. Parenting with heart is more about the parents than the children: Parents know their own hearts’ feelings and needs. Parents remember the struggles of being a child and the fullness of hope and imagination before “reality” tends to tarnish both hope and imagination. Parents not only perform the great duties of providing and protecting; they are able to remain emotionally relatable. Parents know that they themselves are only older, “growing up” versions of a child. Parents are emotionally present as they continue to perform the tasks of love. Parents face the reality that the best outcomes and greatest hopes still will be riddled with clumsiness, mistakes, and regrets, but continues to persevere with heart. Parenting with heart is for young parents and grandparents, “failed” parents and “successful” parents, and couples who desire to be parents, but has nothing to do with the “perfect” parent. The “perfect” parent checks a list to see if they have fulfilled some magical formula that guarantees “perfect” children who never mess up and never have to face pain. “Perfect” parents attempt to produce an outcome that is for their own self-images. Children want parents who can relate to the struggles and joys of being a child; they want parents who know the feelings of living and the needs that come with living. Children also desire their parents to know how to face, feel, and deal with struggles, as they seek the joys of life. Children do not actually want a perfect parent; they want a relatable, human parent who takes a long view of life. It takes a lifetime to learn how to live: Children need parents who know this truth, and this truth creates great tolerance for a child’s struggles. A child just simply wants a “good enough” parent, a human parent who needs others and God, the same way a child needs them and God. Two responsibilities of a parent: Parents need to help their children “climb the mountain of their dreams.” Parents need to help their children “hold the flag brave and true.” Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Keeping Heart, a book by Dr Chip Dodd, is written in short sections that are self-contained as specific pieces. Each section focuses on a dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. Please visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource of the “Feelings/Needs Chart.” The chart integrates the essentials of The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart that leads to experiencing the Gifts of the Heart. The Equation for the Gifts of the Feelings By practicing the equation, we can live fully; we can love deeply; we can lead well. By practicing the equation, we discover that core feelings lead to genuine relational needs, which move us to admitting the desire of our hearts, as well as our longings and hope. Feelings > Needs > Desire > Longings > Hope, as explored in Episode #80 and Episode #81. The equation requires courage, that is, bringing your heart to who and what matters to you. WILLINGNESS + PATIENCE + WORK + TIME = GIFTS Willingness: Willingness is the courageous energy of allowing your heart to be given over to hoping again. Hope has become dangerous to many of us because of past experiences that turned out very differently than what we had hoped. Taking the risk of hoping again is fearful. We need help in risking hope, but we must take the risk if we are to experience new, better, or improved outcomes. Running from hope makes us sick. Patience: Patience is ability to persevere amidst the struggle that comes with your desire to live fully. Patience literally means, “burden of hope.” So often what we seek and what we desire requires the ability to wait—to delay gratification—as we continue to move towards fulfillment. Waiting means that we continue to hope even though it is painful. Waiting requires feeling and needing, and means that our hearts carry the “burden of hope,” as we persevere, with the encouragement of others and faith in God. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Keeping Heart, by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections; each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover. Visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource of the “Feelings/Needs Chart.” It integrates the essentials of The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart that lead to the experience of the Gifts of the Heart. On page 23 of Keeping Heart, there is a sentence that shows the dark side of avoiding love’s requirements: “Avoiding love’s demand, though, requires that we hide our hearts, and, therefore, remove ourselves from living this life.” Contact is not connection We experience a vast array of what we call “connections” through all forms of technology that has given us the internet and its multiple forms of social media that offers the illusion of “connection.” We call it “interconnected.” However, it does not actually give what it says. We are “inter-contacted,” not actually connected. There are multiple forms of contact, but we still remain disconnected from each other, and even ourselves. Sadly, loneliness and relational isolation are two of the most talked about forms of misery in our society today, even though we have more pervasive contact than ever before in the history of humanity. When Caesar connected the Roman Empire with roads, it led to people groups being connected—for better or worse. The technology of today is not a road to connect us. It is the technology that actually keeps us from “facing each other,” which is where genuine connection begins. Contact is like watching a movie. In a movie, we experience life vicariously, which means “not really in it.” Even more, if we watch it alone, we experience life vicariously in isolation. We do not share a lived experience in reality True connection is a shared experience in reality. Contact does not feed the heart. Connection feeds the heart. Connection requires that a person shares the experiences of their emotional and spiritual lives with another who is capable of doing the same. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Keeping Heart, by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections; each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover. Visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource that describes The Spiritual Root System. This resource identifies each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God. A path not a pill So often, people offer a “pill” (metaphorically or literally) to a person who is struggling with life’s difficulties. The struggle could be anxiety, depression, or addiction. Most people, however, need a path instead of a “pill.” This podcast is part of the path we are created to walk in life’s struggles. The Voice of the Heart, Needs of the Heart, and Keeping Heart, also, are part of the path. This podcast and the books speak to the need for relationship and its power to help and heal us through relational connection. Communion connects to community We quickly think of communion as a religious experience only. It also means to share; it is where we get the word community and communication. We are created to be in communion with each other—a group of people who share the truth of their hearts. In Genesis 2:18, God declared for the first time that something was “not good.” This declaration clearly made reference to a man and a woman. It also speaks to how we are created for fellowship; the fellowship of truth telling about our struggles and celebrations that connect us to each other. Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NIV) When Adam & Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they not only hid their physical bodies, they also hid their hearts from God. In the cool of the day, God comes to His creation and asks them, “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9) This phrase in Hebrew is “ayeka” which is a lament and a question. Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Keeping Heart, by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections; each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover. Visit chipdodd.com to download a free resource that describes The Spiritual Root System. This resource identifies each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God. To read a short encapsulation of episode #81, go to pages 28-29 of Keeping Heart. We are created to BE, DO, and HAVE In order to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that leave behind good legacy, we must: admit that we don’t control how life works. we don’t have power to change how we are created as relational creatures. We only find fulfillment by living fully in relationship with ourselves others God (The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd) Surrendering to the process of how we are created occurs through three developmental movements: Being - who we are created to be as relational creatures. We are created 99.9% like everyone else on an emotional and spiritual level. We seek connection through feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping. We are created to respond to life accordingly. Doing - what we are created to do by participating in the actions of producing, shaping, making and caring about creating “good.” We take action in daily life by using our internal awareness; we are “response-able.” Having - what we are created to experience if we live according to how we are created. We have relationships, connection, provision, bounty, and prosperity. We risk giving ourselves to and attaining the experiences of life that create relational and experiential fulfillments. Be-Do-Have vs Do-Have-Become If a person is raised in an environment that diminishes his/her essential makeup and places too much emphasis on performance in order to be accepted, the person’s worth becomes wrapped up in the constant need for approval of others and in competition with others. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections. Each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover. Please visit chipdodd.com to download the free resource, The Spiritual Root System. This resource describes and illustrates the specifics of each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God. Spiritual Rot System (SRS) = Feelings - Needs - Desire - Longings - Hope Basic premise of The Spiritual Root System: Feed the roots of a tree, it will grow to produce much fruit. Moving the metaphor to human behavior, a child reaches out to be affirmed as belonging and mattering by connecting to his/her caregivers. The need to belong and matter is met by his/her caregiver responding by reaching back and affirming and attending to the child’s heart, made up of feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope. This process grows the child’s confidence in being created as a feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping creature. Through the confidence of being able to depend on connection, the child grows into a competent human being, who can use his/her mind to express their heart’s makeup as they grow into their giftedness. Every human being is gifted and the world is in need of the “fruits” of those developed gifts. Understanding the connections of the roots: Reading the “roots” from left to right: Feelings awaken a person to needs. Needs connect to desire within the heart Desire moves a person to longings Longings draw a person toward hope. Hope will return a person to feelings; hope is wishing or planning to achieve something a person doesn’t know for sure will happen. Hope requires the action of risk, which circles back to the need to deal with feelings. The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart offer specific details about The Spiritual Root System, as does this podcast Living with Heart: From Birth to Death. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is written in short sections. Each section focuses on some dimension of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well a life that leaves a legacy of goodness. It can be used as a daily form of orienting yourself for the day ahead of you or a book to read cover to cover. Please visit chipdodd.com to download the free resource, The Spiritual Root System. This resource describes and illustrates the specifics of each “root” of how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, hoping people who seek to live fully in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God. The Spiritual Root System (SRS) explains: When we “feed” the “roots” of how we are created, we will grow the “fruits” of a full life, one that blesses one’s self and others. We feed the roots through relationship. That is the most complete nutritional support for human beings. The nutritional support encourages us to “keep heart” amidst an exhausting pace that can wear us out, drain us, and lead us to experience the discouragement of “losing heart Spiritual Root System = Feelings - Needs - Desire - Longings - Hope Feelings awaken us to being fully alive, and they push us toward our needs. If I feel, I will need. For example: When a person is sad about a loss, they often need comfort, or they need a listening person in their lives to help them. When a person is fearful about some difficulty or danger, they often need help to deal with a challenge, or they need to be rescued from a danger. The identification of feelings, leads to the needs of others and God. Having needs lead a person to communicate their desire. Desire moves a person to ask for some form of connection that brings them to greater capabilities of living fully and loving deeply, even when life hurts. The book Needs of the Heart describes the many essential emotional and spiritual needs that we are created to have met through expressing them. Desire expresses the inborn energy of our craving to survive and even more, to thrive. We desire survival, of course, but we were created for more. We were born to crave a level of fulfillment that we can numb or deny; however, it still remains a part of how we are created. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects. Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. Living in freedom from the Pitfalls is work. It is a daily activity and a lifestyle. In the Pitfalls, we are driven by what we are running from. Essentially, we are running from: Feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope that expose our vulnerability; Telling the truth about our hearts that expresses our need of others; Trusting a process that we are not in control of, which expresses our distrust of God. The daily activities that become the recovering leader’s lifestyle are: Confession - the acknowledgment of my own healthy shame, and need of others and God. Admission - the full awareness that I do not have control over life, and the more I attempt to get control, the more unmanageable my life becomes. Surrender - practicing believing and trusting that God has control; therefore, I give myself to God and the way God works, because my attempt to control life hasn’t worked. Acceptance - the practice of turning my heart and life over to God who cares for me, knowing that whatever happens, God wants good for me because I am loved. Daily activities have to be practiced until we see the results and their benefits; The daily practices become a lifestyle. The leader eventually desires for his/her life to be different and adopts the new lifestyle because it is “better” than what life was like in the Pitfalls. Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. Out of the Pit Hopeful Truths: Freedom is not only possible; we are created for it. The descent into the Pitfalls can be stopped at any time. When the leader who is descending into the pitfalls experiences an intervention from others whom the leader listens to and healthily responds to, the descent can be stopped. Also, if the leader comes to an awareness of his/her descent and cries out and is heard and responded to by others, the descent can be stopped. There is a path that takes us out of the Pit; we can ascend. Freedom is not only possible; we are created for it. The people who dare to “come back to life” are some of the greatest blessers in this world: They have humility and passion. They have compassion because of empathy. They are doers who are relational. They are witnesses to what God can do with a person who dares to be in need. Their “loss” can become many others’ gains. They are witnesses of John Newton’s hymn, Amazing Grace. That which we think has destroyed us has opened up a future before us. Listen to Episode #26 “Becoming a Portable Sanctuary. The woundedness of the leader, coordinated with their healing, becomes the leader’s newly discovered productivity. Liberation from bondage is available. If there is breath, there is hope. Recovery from addiction to control begins with: Confession: the recognition of and “fessing up” to being human, which means that I feel and I need more than I can handle or manage without relational help. Admission: The acknowledgment of powerlessness over life The profound awareness that the more I have attempted to do it alone, the more unmanageable my life has become. In these two beginning steps, the impaired leader must admit the specific nature of his/her secrets in order to get relief. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Remember that the Pitfalls are descending steps; one connects to the other with predictable effects. Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others whom the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. # 5 Secrets sap the leader’s passion and purpose Once the leader’s true self is isolated, the “getaway” or “cure” is usually a closely held secret. A secret is anything one withholds from appropriate people because they fear rejection, judgment, censuring, or being controlled. Secrets: require a person to withhold emotional and spiritual struggles from the people who hunger to know them and care about them. block the intimacy, or “into-me-see,” that is an essential part of human encouragement and fulfillment. make a person sick because they are not connected to relationship with others. At this point, a leader begins to survive in a cycle of work, performance, isolation, and secrets that increase toxic shame and guilt. To dissipate the shame and guilt, the leader tries to work harder, perform better, which cycles into a repetition of isolation and secrets. As the cycle continues, a leader will begin to experience symptoms of burnout, depression, excessive anxiety, addiction, and other forms of impairment. Jesus says in John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV) To many leaders who are caught up in the swirl of Pitfall #5, this scripture reference seems like a long-lost illusion. By Pitfall #5, the leader is far away from everything they had once hoped and believed. Jesus also says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (NIV) This reference is a living, breathing experience for the leader. He or she is being robbed of every blessing they were created to experience in the passion, struggle, and joy of getting to do what they were created to do. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects. Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. #4 To be an example to others, the true self is isolated Leaders often put pressure on themselves to: continually be of service to appear a certain way to always be an example—as expected by others This demand for perfection sets up a leader to deny his/her own feelings and needs. Denial does not stop needs, but instead arouses toxic shame when the leader has a need. Isolating the heart from being known from the inside-out leaves a leader hungry to get needs met and yet unable to need people to meet the needs. An inanimate source of fulfillment can become the “getaway” or “cure” for the leader at this point. Therefore, counterfeit fulfillments for needs take the place of relational fulfillments. Problems that trap leaders are so widespread and repeated that they are considered normal, but they are not. The Pitfalls are not normal, but they are so abundantly common that we can easily relate to them, and often get trapped by them. We must not confuse what most people consider as common, with what is normal. The book Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is a series of meditative “pearls” on what true normal is. In the description of Pitfall 3, “People Become Things,” the drive for perfection in the leader begins to emotionally and spiritually drain the leader because he/she is not addressing their need for replenishment. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. The 5 Pitfalls are descending steps. One step connects to another with predictable effects. Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them. People Become Things Leaders enter the world of doing good because they wish the pain of the world to be treated, bettered, or healed. However, as the leader slips into the pitfalls: the people that the leader wishes to serve become burdensome objects that have to be dealt with the people that the leader works with become objects that have to be manipulated his/her family members become burdensome objects of needs that have to be met the leader who originally planned to benefit others reaches a significant crisis point they must move into neediness as human beings or fade into despair as “human doings.” The leader whose worth is trapped in work, and whose performance is valued more than their presence shows symptoms of people becoming things They experience “feeling drained” of the passion or energy that had compelled them in the beginning. Whether slowly or rapidly, the leader becomes restless, irritable, and discontent. Indicators of restlessness and irritable can be overt or covert, but the symptoms are “known” to the leader, but not accurately taken responsibility for. Compulsivity takes over for “being compelled.” Blame, projection onto others, and denial are hallmarks of the impaired leader at Pitfall #3. *The family is usually affected first and foremost, before the signs are noted by others who the leader influences. In the name of loyalty the family members begin to take on feelings of “self-blame” and toxic shame that comes with the leader’s self-negligence. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. The Pitfalls are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects. Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” This descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. Pitfall #2: Performance Begins to be Valued More than One’s Presence: When a leader’s primary personal value is associated with performance, they become someone they are not—"human doings.” To be present means to be able to present the truth of our inner selves as human beings to others. Presence is the ability to speak the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of one’s own heart. People who are actively present can be “in need” and be led. Performers develop contempt for their neediness. They also eventually develop secret contempt and fear towards the needs of others because they see others as the ones who demand that they perform. The “ease” of being one’s true self is lost in the “dis-ease” or stress of believing that one is only valuable for their performance. People who are performers can be driven by anxiety A leader who believes that their performance matters more than their personal presence is actually driven by anxiety, more than they are compelled by inspiration or mission/calling. These performers: compete and compare, more than they are called and compelled tragically believe that they are only measured by their last mistake, or the mistakes they haven’t made yet have pride and arrogance, rooted in toxic shame, can drive the leader away from being in need A leader is expected to be effective and productive A leader is expected to perform and meet the needs of those they are on mission to help, which is good. However, every leader needs a place to go where they can honestly share their own needs, without toxic shame, and where others can do the same. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click Here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. There are 5 Pitfalls of Leadership. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them. The 5 Pitfalls of Leadership Are Interconnected and Work in a Descending Order: One’s work becomes confused with one’s worth. One’s performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. In order to be an example to others, one isolates his/her true self. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. This episode will focus on Pitfall #1: One’s Work is Confused with One’s Worth. Leaders can draw crowds, get things done, or set themselves apart from others through accomplishments or talents. This work can be good and true. However, a leader can confuse the crowds, the feedback, and accomplishments with his/her worth as a person. Sadly, A leader’s sense of confidence and value can begin to go up or down based upon the applause they receive. While pursuing one’s worth in the “workplace,” being a “Dad” or “Mom” loses its importance and sense of value/purpose. This effect can happen to professionals, little league coaches, church volunteers, and PTA presidents. A leader can easily forget that their worth comes from being human. Worth is inborn; we don’t lose it. The crowd looks for what the leader can give. God and loved ones look for the heart of who the person is from the inside out. Worth tied to the crowd can mean loss of recognition of worth as a person. Finding Methods of Prevention When leaders fall or fail, so often they are simply replaced to keep the mission or agenda going. That is not a bad thing related to the responsibilities of the mission; however, we need also to be curious enough about what created the fall or failure to find prevention methods that can reduce negative, even tragic, outcomes. There is Always Hope If a leader doesn’t catch himself/herself in the early stages of Pitfall #1, it isn’t the end. Very often, the failure becomes a “doorway” into a new world of a new life, even a better life. This “better” life requires a recovery process with guides and helpers; otherwise, the negative process usually continues. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Leaders Have a Need for Help: Everyone, believe it or not, is created to lead. Everyone who cares about something and is investing themselves in what they care about is leading. Leaders find much fulfillment in serving others. Whether it’s serving as a CEO or a parent, the most significant moments for leaders come when they are giving their gifts, abilities, passion, and creativity. Leaders who pour out great energy doing what is fulfilling also need to refill. *Leaders need to be able to receive restoration and replenishment so they can continue to serve well. They refill by being humble enough to know their limits, to recognize their needs, and to ask for help. I have worked with leaders for more than thirty-five years. I have recognized five common pitfalls that block leaders from receiving the replenishment that is essential to lead well. These pitfalls can stymie a leader’s passion and purpose. As a result, the people the leader wishes to help ultimately do not receive what they need. Pitfalls of Leadership Life is full of struggle, and the struggle is not preventable. Samuel Beckett wrote, “You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Life’s struggles are inevitable, but the Pitfalls of Leadership are preventable. The Five Pitfalls: Work becomes confused with one’s worth. Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence. People become things. To be an example to others, the true self is isolated. Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. Everyone always wonders, “What happened to them? How did this self-destruction happen?” These episodes on the “Pitfalls” are about preventing those questions from being asked. Whether you are a parent, a pastor, a plumber, or a pulmonologist, these episodes are for you. These episodes are also about what to do when you find yourself in the “Pitfalls” or when the consequences have already impacted your life. Hope in spite of the Pitfalls: The beauty of life and the beauty of God in our lives gives us the hope of: redemption recovery restoration Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. God has created “woman” with extraordinary gifts. These gifts that need to be encouraged and expanded. Women have for centuries been minimized and diminished, sometimes mistakenly using God as the “reason” and “right” to do so. A man has a responsibility to honor his spouse with encouragement, and with the security that supports the expansion of her gifts. Conclusive Main Points of “Understanding a Woman’s Heart,” Episodes #63-#69 before sharing the importance of the Hebrew word Ezer, which is used to refer to women in the Bible The Need to Listen: A great sadness in many marriages is that the man actually doesn’t truly listen. So often, he is so “busy” attempting to “prove” himself, “earn” love through performance, and mistakenly equating being respected with actually being controlling, that he ends up being responsible FOR her rather than response-able TO her. Episodes #32 and Episode #43. The man often believes that: If she has feelings, he has to fix them, rather than listen to them. If she is in a “mood” or thinking “negatively,” he has to change it, rather than be curious about her. If she is behaving in ways that he doesn’t understand, he has to stop it, rather than question her to find out more. If he is going to be emotionally connected to her and get his own needs met, he must “read her mind,” which discounts actually listening to what she is saying, rather than simply being humble enough to believe what she is saying. Suppression of Expression = Depressing the Heart If the man doesn’t learn the “art” of listening to the woman (Episode #68 and Episode #69) he will be participating in suppressing the person that God created to be fully alive. The “fruit” produced by a woman who is fully alive, will be diminished. “You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Samuel Beckett: Regardless of the mistakes that all humans make in relationship, we are inevitably and inextricably created for relationship and its benefits. Mistakes and pain in relationship are always going to be part and parcel of marriage. Each person must be able to relate to suffering and what it is like to be a human being on this earth. Each person must develop great tolerance for being imperfect. This side of heaven, there is no perfect. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. Origins of Understanding a Woman’s Heart In this podcast series we have been discussing the dynamics of a woman’s heart in relation to a man’s heart. The content we have discussed has come from education and research; Scriptural foundations; and even more, from the 1000s of individuals and couples whom I have worked with in a therapeutic setting. Relationships are a matter of the heart, as much and more than they are an experience of the brain: A woman experiences herself as chosen through the security the man creates for her by being a Redeemer, Protector, and Provider, in that order. She can offer her dependency to the man in an authentic way if he brings these qualities. A man experiences himself as appreciated because he has brought his whole heart to the relationship, allowing vulnerability, availability, and gentleness to lead the internal life of the relationship. In this way, the foundational needs of belonging and mattering are met through relationship. The connected couple can build on the foundation of security and appreciation. This couple will experience the future together, come what may, because their connection and commitment are based in the “pain tolerance” of the heart, not the “pain intolerance” of the brain. The brain seeks pleasure; the heart tolerates the pain of love. Super Practical “Response-Abilities” After creating a foundation for understanding the emotional and spiritual needs of the relationship, the following reality needs to be grasped: A man’s primary job is “customer service”! A man is created to serve others, especially his family. A man serves best when he does the following three actions consistently: TCB: A man needs to “take care of business.” He needs to pay the bills before the frills. He needs to attend to the place they live, and oversee the management of property and vocation. Stay on Mission: A man needs to stay focused on whatever calling, role, or position he has been assigned to fulfill. In this way, he reinforces his own self-respect and shows himself to be dependable and trustworthy. Do Not Overly Need a Woman: A man does not need to overly need a woman. He must not pressure his spouse to be his constant emotional support. He knows he needs to get his needs met from peers who have the same experiences that all true men risk experiencing. He knows what the woman cannot do for him. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Connect with Chip Dodd at [email protected]. You can also contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. A man is created to meet the need of security in a woman before she can genuinely meet his need for appreciation. Episode #66 - Episode #67. A man creates a “place” of security through three of the following emotional and spiritual dispositions. Disposition is an internal capability that is consistently expressed outwardly, which can be negative or positive: *Gentleness: strong enough to be “leaned against”. A man needs to have the capability of receiving and tolerating his loved ones’ struggles, pains, problems, and difficulties without negative judgment, sarcasm, or comparison to his own pressures. He has men in his life with whom he shares the pressures of “being a man.” *Available: able to relate emotionally to loved ones; the man needs to know his own feelings and needs, which makes him able to relate to everyone else in his life. This capacity makes him “response-able,” and therefore, safe because he can relate to others and is responsible for his own actions that come from his own feelings. *Vulnerable: capable of tolerating hurt as he allows himself to make his needs and desires known, as well as being able to recognize that he may be hurtful to others he loves. A vulnerable person is one who can relate to others and they can be safe with him. These characteristics infuse the “inner sanctum” of the relationship and the home life with security. With the influence of gentleness, availability, and vulnerability, the woman (along with other members of the family) experiences three significant things that grow her sense of security. She experiences an environment of safety, stability, and support: *Safety: a sense of comfort and confidence in being able to have full self-expression. The woman has found a person in which she can risk her heart in any way she needs to express it. *Stability: a sense of freedom that comes from dependability and consistency of feelings, words, and actions of the man. The woman knows that he has great tolerance for the struggles that come in life, including daily life. *Support: a sense of confidence that comes from trustworthy encouragement of the woman’s full-hearted development. She knows that she is encouraged to become all that God created her to become. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click hear to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. In Pensées, Blaise Pascal said, “the heart has its reasons which reason knows not.” Healthy love relationships work in ways that we must yield to, rather than attempt to change. After we yield to the ways of love, we still need to learn them. So much that we miss in life has to do with our hearts not being available to be “touched”: We are often not present enough in heart to be receptive to change or admit need for change. The vulnerability that moves us to yield to help is mostly associated with negative rather than positive outcomes. Jesus, however, clearly supports us yielding our hearts so that we can be a part of a yield or bountiful harvest. Having the vulnerability to change and grow can create an opportunity for great benefits. In Matthew 13, Jesus shared the story of the “Parable of the Sower” that speaks to us about the power of yielding or being vulnerable, which produces benefits. All relationships of consequence can benefit greatly from our willingness to face, feel, and deal with our hearts so that we can give and receive the love we need and others need. Jesus also shared the “Parable of the Sower.” “Then he told them many things in parables, saying: ‘A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear.’” “The disciples came to him and asked, ‘Why do you speak to the people in parables?’” “He replied, ‘Because the knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. This is why I speak to them in parables:’” Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. How We are Created We are created as emotional and spiritual creatures; we are created to do one thing in this life—live fully. But we cannot live fully unless we do so in relationship with ourselves, others, and God. * That statement means that we must bring our hearts to daily relational life and involve ourselves emotionally and spiritually with others. Many of us have not learned or have refused to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with how we are created. We tend to “run” from how we are created as feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping people. Surrender is Good To live fully we have to admit that we are powerless over how we are created. We do not need to run from ourselves; instead, we need to surrender to how God made us. Surrender actually means to “render over,” as in give something back. The goodness of surrender is that it returns us to how we are created. It also returns us to needing others and God, who created us to find fulfillment in relationship. Surrender paradoxically allows us to reclaim our “anger” for life as we face that we are desiring, longing, hoping, wishing, wanting, yearning, hungering and thirsting people. Read my book, The Voice of the Heart and listen to Episodes #19 - Episode #20. For a woman, to surrender is to know that she hungers to belong and matter through experiencing herself as secure. For a man, to surrender is to know that he hungers to belong and matter through experiencing himself as appreciated. Being Chosen A woman’s security requires that she experience herself as chosen, as discussed in Episode 65. She is not chosen on the basis of her appearance only, but on the content of her heart and character. She is chosen for “her.” She is chosen for how God made her. If a woman experiences herself as truly chosen by a man she desires to be with, she will have a strong tendency to appreciate the man who has chosen her. Security leads a woman to be Appreciative. Men Must Be Man Enough to Create Security If a woman experiences the relationship as a secure place to bring her vulnerabilities, joys, desires, needs, and struggles, she will experience “heart security;” she will have the experience of being chosen consistently reinforced. Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.