Lifemark: A Made For TV Podcast

We're back, baby! Its the holiday season, so hoop-de-doo and dickery dock. Saddle up and come watch this schlock. Our good friends at UpTV sent us a screener for A Christmas Switch. We are 1) Shocked we are on a PR list and 2) not ready for this christmas movie that even Michelle had to as "WTF?".

Hi! Miss us? We missed you. Did you have a good first day of school? We hope so because our rewatch of ABC After School specials is back for the next two episodes. We learned all about divorce and Leif Garrett in this week's episode, "Me and My Dad's New Wife"

When mustaches and the Dutch and exploding boats combine, you get Night Watch, the sequel to a previous film we watched, Detonator (aka Death Train). And not only did we watch the sequel in honor of our 2nd anniversary, we brought back the guest who introduced this film series to us in the first place, Ollie Brady!

Our series of sequels for our 2 year anniversary continues with this Christmas movie from Hallmark. You know, for anniversaries, you should get gifts. Whoever gifted us this should have attached a receipt so we could return it to the cinematic equivalent of a Tuesday Morning that this film came from. Good news is we find out about Steph's new hero who apparently works for TxDOT.

Remember back in 2016 when we discovered the most Lifetime Movie to Ever Lifetime aka Stalked By My Doctor starring Eric Roberts? Well hold on to your butts because they made a sequel. In honor of our 2nd anniversary, we are revisiting some of our favorite films that have had sequels made so we HAD to watch Stalked By My Doctor 2 : The Return. Spoiler alert : Eric Roberts is still AMAZING. Also Steph gets to say the phrase "shit tea" and actually have it mean something in relation to this movie.

THIS. MOVIE. HAS. EVERYTHING! It has a wedding planner and private planes and a dog. And is still the wackadoo fare you love from Lifetime. We watched The Husband She Met Online

Have you missed campy, scenery chewing, Lifetime movies? So have we. So this week, we watched Psycho Wedding Crasher starring Joan Van Ark from Knots Landing. Steph also had to explain to Michelle what Knots Landing was. Also there is an actress named Fiona Vroom and we get an update on what Steve Guttenberg is doing these days

What happens when two Royal obsessed friends have no sleep and some mimoas and a BBC news feed to keep them company? Well, its this. ITS 2 HOURS! Watch the royal wedding again and try and sync this up. Its impossible but try. We talk about hats and bell sleeves and why Prince Phillip looks the way he does and the impact of representation and why little Charlotte is our favorite member of the Royal Family.

Lifetime movies are back, baby! We watched Sleeper or My Husband's Secret Life, depending on who you ask. We wonder what spies in New Zealand are like and learn you can buy KGB shit on ebay.

While Stephanie is off soaking in Royal Watch 2018 IRL, Michelle is joined by Dawn from Hunting Houses and Beckett to the Future to talk about My Summer Prince. We find out what happens when Michelle actually takes notes about a movie and what it takes to make it in the world of fictional Royal PR

Royal Wedding Watch 2018 continues with something comparable to really bad deja vu. As a follow-up to watching Hallmark's William and Catherine, we decided to watch Lifetime's William and Kate. Basically, we took one for the team and watched the same movie twice. As a bonus, Michelle recaps two additional royal-themed Hallmark movies, Royal Hearts and Royal Matchmaker.

We are just under 2 months away from the Royal Wedding, 2018 edition so Michelle and Stephanie watched the made for TV movie about Wills and Kate. No, not the popular one. The crappy one Hallmark made in 2011. Also, witness the worst casting for Princess Diana ever caught on film. Also, Jean Smart from Designing Women plays Camilla Parker Bowles and Victor Garber plays prince Charles. We can't make this shit up. It's William and Cate : A Royal Romance.

You asked. We Answered. We watched the 2016 remake of Mother May I Sleep With Danger, starring James Franco, Tori Spelling and a bunch of emo teens. This movie had like 97% more blood and 100% more My Chemical Romance knock off tunes. We didn't hate it. And sometimes thats the best review we can give.

This movie is about as far as you can get from our normal fare. We were joined by Ollie Brady from the Best Acquaintances podcast to talk about the movie Detonator. Or Death Train. The movie so nice, they named it twice. This film stars Patrick Stewart, Pierce Brosnan, Christopher Lee and the dude who played Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. It also stars a death train. Ya'll, this movie has like, 200% more explosions than we've ever seen on Lifemark You can find Best Acquaintances at @ollieandemily on twitter and at soundcloud.com/user-942157443

Welcome to the first of what feels like an endless installment of Meghan Markle movies. Kicking of Markle season is Dater's Handbook from Hallmark. This movie has just enough mini-golf to keep us interested for a good 20 or 30 minutes. Also a middle aged woman who loves REO Speedwagon so we get a glimpse of what Steph will be like in about 15 years. We also get to hear Michelle swoon over Ted Bundy. As if this movie wasn't weird enough.

Did you miss when we watched A Christmas Prince? Have no fear because this movie is EXACTLY the same. Its A Royal Winter from Hallmark. Michelle and Steph talk about a new, much more royal adjacent rating system for these movies. Also there's a PSA about why your souvenir hat shouldn't matter when you find yourself in an alley with a stranger.

We are going back to our roots with this 1999 Lifetime classic, Ultimate Deception. It stars Yasmine Bleeth and Richard Greco and a whole lot of over the top acting. Stephanie is so very very into it. Plus we learn about the time that Michelle's grandparents turned a crib into a bar

Well the weather outside is frightful, but this movie is kinda delightful? I mean, its not great but I didn't want to rip my eyeballs out so bonus? Playing the part of Michelle this week from the Beckett To The Future podcast (https://www.beckettfuturepod.com/), its Rachel Rosing So sit back with a warm cup of cocoa, put on your best pair of Converse and settle in for a tale of romance and what happens when cousins marry to preserve a royal bloodline.

No, not THAT Home for the Holidays. You mean you haven't heard of the 1972 ABC Made For TV Movie starring Jessica Walter, Sally Field and Walter Brennan? Well now you have. Its kinda like that other Home For The Holidays but like real 70's and real murdery. We might have found our new favorite Christmas movie.

Michelle and Stephanie take a moment to talk about some things they are thankful for. Mostly its food and British Comedy. So relax, put on your eatin' pants, curl up with some leftovers and find out some of Stephanie and Michelle's favorite things.

We know its November. We know Christmas is 6 weeks away. Do we care? No. Christmas is officially on here at Lifemark studios. This week, we watched Window Wonderland. It has Naomi Judd who is absolute perfection. And department store windows which are decidedly less perfect.

Happy Halloween, Lifemarkers! Michelle totally pulled a trick when making Stephanie watch this movie. Its like the necco wafers of Halloween movies. We watched the Disney Original Movie Don't Look Under The Bed. Also, Steph and Michelle try to figure out the physics behind the Boogie Man, Beautiful Mind like.

Happy Shocktober, boys and ghouls! Ready to get scared? There is a whole lot of murder in this week's movie, Ten: Murder Island. Sadly, there's not a lot of plot. But there IS a lot of strobe lights, so we'll call this one even.

Stephanie's fear of teenagers is confirmed with this week's movie, Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal Michelle takes us through all our options when it comes to Cheerleader magazines. Also we find out that cheerleader magazines are a thing.

Michelle and Stephanie are back. Hallmark Movies are back. Sorrento Farms is back. That's right! It's the sequel to Autumn in the Vineyard, Summer in the Vineyard. We catch up with Frankie and Nate and check in on that llama, Mittens. Also, Stephanie nearly died at a museum this week and Michelle learns about tacos.

This film has 200% more Phoenixes than any other movie we've watched. Plus 100% more servings of cottage cheese. This is Backwards: The Riddle of Dyslexia starting River and Joaquin Phoenix

It's a movie where Sharon from Grease 2 becomes a kleptomaniac. Thats most of what you need to know before watching Portrait of a Teenage Shoplifter. Michelle and Stephanie also come clean about the things they stole as teens.

What happens when a bunch of teens become Nazi's for like 4 days? Things get real intense in The Wave from 1981.

"We give this movie 72 thumbs up". This movie stars Jennifer Jason Leigh, Helen Hunt and Allie Sheedy. Plus like 33 rabbits. Its Watership Down meets Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Its "I Think I'm Having A Baby"

We dig deep in to the high stakes world of high school cookie sales in this week's movie, All That Glitters. We also wax nostalgic about the movie Troop Beverly Hills and we review the TGIFriday lineup in the winter of 1989.

Who knew paper mache could lead to so many complicated feelings. It's Less Than Perfect Daughter, another "television event" from the ABC Network

Have we found it? An after school special who's message is actually relevant? Maybe. We had to wade through anchovies and dixieland jazz to find it though. Its "What If I'm Gay"

Episode 50 is a big deal. So is having a new show on the Ear Trumpet Audio network. So, to celebrate both, we invited our newest podcast hosts, Jake and Carrie from Love YA Like Crazy to do an episode exchange. I don't think they knew quite what they were getting themselves into when they said yes, but here we are and they've suffered through The Shunning, starring Michael Landon Jr. Michelle and Stephanie will be recording an episode of Love YA Like Crazy in the coming weeks so follow Ear Trumpet Audio on Facebook and Twitter! Also, you should totally subscribe to Love YA Like Crazy, which you can do at www.loveyalikecrazy.com

In this episode, Michelle and Stephanie talk about all the bad things that could happen to you while riding a carousel and share their love of Golden Girls. Its Have You Ever Been Ashamed Of Your Parents starring Marion Ross and Jennifer Jason Leigh

Scott Baio shovels Raisin Bran into his mouth. Also Michelle and Steph try to list as many slang terms for marijuana as possible. It's Stoned!

This movie's punk lead makes Avril Lavine look like Johnny Rotten. Thats right. We watched The Day My Kid Went Punk starring Lenny Kravitz' mom, The Boy Who Could Fly, Dr Bricker from Love Boat and the Governor from Benson. I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Welcome back to Lifemark : Summer Nights. We're back with another ABC after school special that is all about dead kids and onion rings. Its A Family Again. We have the stars of LA Law and Rikki Lake taking us through a journey about grief and hand cranked ice cream.

Summertime, and the livin' is easy. We all remember the joy of summer vacation but its important we don't get too complacent, falling into the peer pressure of being a cool teen. Have no fear. All summer long, Lifemark will be here to give you the cautionary tales your youthful heart craves with Lifemark : Things We Learned This Summer. That's right. We are going pro-Lifetime and watching a dozen ABC after school specials to keep you on the straight and narrow this summer. We kick off our summer series with Schoolboy Father, starring Rob Lowe and Dana Plato. Also, ths movie is called Schoolboy Father which should clue you in to how amazing this will be. We also talk about our patreon campaign where you can tell us what movie you want us to watch and even be a guest on our show. Visit www.patreon.com/eartrumpt for all the details.

Next week will be our one year pod-a-versary so in honor of that and Mother's day and the fact that Michelle and I have been busy saving the world, we are re-releasing our first episode - Mother May I Sleep With Danger

After talking about it for months, we finally watch the D&D cautionary tale Mazes and Monsters starring Tom Hanks. Stephanie talks about how afraid she was of D&D when she was 9 and Michelle talks about what it means to roll a "diabetes check". It was more fun than killing orcs.

Sometimes we struggle on deciding what movie to watch. And the sometimes we luck upon the most amazing made for TV gem. And that's exactly what happened this week when we found Camp Cucamonga. Have you ever wondered what would happen of George Jefferson and Urkel were in the same movie? Wonder no longer as we tie a sweet little bow on the final episode of Candace Cameron Bur-April.

We continue our journey through Candace Cameron Bur-April with her first role after Full House : Sharon's Secret. Her secret is that the ending of this movie makes no sense at all.

Candace Cameron Bur-April continues with what Michelle and Stephanie THOUGHT was a Hallmark movie but ended up being something much worse. Welcome to the first movie that made Steph actually panic about : Finding Normal

Welcome to the first film of Candace Cameron Bur-April. We start things off with the 1996 classic No One Would Tell, starring Candace Cameron and Fred Savage. Much Teens. So Bertinelli.

We wrap up Women's History Month with a real downer. Sorry about that, guys. Oddly, it pings on the Bertinelli scale so high so....bonus? It's Homeless To Harvard starring Kelly Lynch and Thora Birch. Get it!

We want to finish Women's History Month strong so this week and next week, we'll be watching some films that celebrate Badass Ladies In History. This week, we watch The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler. We also find out what Stephanie's dog thinks of Nazis. Spoiler Alert. She's not a fan.

Happy St Patrick's Day, everyone! You know we love a theme so we watched Chasing Leprechauns from the Hallmark network. Also, this movie might have made Stephanie cry but she'll totally deny it if you ask her about it tomorrow.

I think watching Hallmark Hall Of Fame movies is like childbirth. Eventually, enough time has passed that you forget how painful it is so you stupidly do the whole thing over again. This week, we watched Pictures of Hollis Woods, which proves that even acting powerhouses like Sissy Spacek and Viola Davis survive as terrible movie

It's finally aired! We've been waiting for Britney Ever After to be broadcast for almost a year now and this sweet day is finally here! So, what did we think of it? Just HOW frosted were fake JT's tips? And what's the deal with all that chicken? We cover it all in this week's episode of Lifemark.

Hope you all had a great Valentines day. We know ONE guy who didn't and we learn all about it in this week's movie, The Perfect Girlfriend. Spoiler alert. She's not perfect. But there is a cute dog in it so we give this movie a big thumbs up.