If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes

Niki, John and LB enter a vast and unknowable dreamscape of possibility, wherein they discuss The Good Doctor, creating jobs in the state of Ohio, how much water ChatGPT uses, dreaming about having an egg in your mouth, ancient dream dictionaries from the 1930s, TikTok cutting board misinformation, and homie, so much more that I am purposefully omitting so as to not spoil the punchline(s). Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fresh off the court, LB, Niki and John dribble through our most basketballsome episode yet, featuring discussions on when large boy catch ball with big hand, which of us LeBron would like the most, why microwaving a cucumber "feels violent," where to find the sickest burn surgeons, thinking up new, more respectful nicknames for Anthony Davis, watching the Mario movie on Twitter, and after the halftime performance, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LB, Niki and John shard on the barble in the bable chamber. There's also a prolonged segment about playing with knives on-air and Jokering the Scrub Daddy, but nobody gets hurt so don't get stressed while listening okay? It's fine. LB has a degree from Knife University so they know what they're doing. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fresh from the wilds of real life, Niki, LB and John settle in for a rousing discussion of their recent exploits and related topics, including Niki's Grandma's bappy, John's trip to a vile confederate steakhouse/Bass Pro Shop, whether a pyramid is harder to exit than a normal building, that food quiz going around, Christ's involvement in motorsports, eating fish from the LA river, and my darling, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As LB, John and Niki settle in for this season's surgery draft, they also discuss Carrot Top's "buff days," hats that make you look like you had a facelift, modern developments in oral hygiene, the concept of "medical jurisdiction," being the world's leading engineer of things of this nature, defrauding the elderly, stickers on garbage trucks, potentially haunted bananas, and my lil chickadee, so much more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Special guest Colette Arrand joins Niki, LB and John for our most vascular episode yet, discussing last weekend's Wrestlemania event and related issues, including which muscles are the "straight man" ones, Vince's new mustache, the dark secret hidden within the theme from Cheers, how Mario would fair in the UFC, LB's Pixar body count, multiple bad cruise options, and brother, somehow even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LB, Niki and John reconvene for one of their furriest recording sessions to date, wherein they discuss performing wrestling moves on dogs, the events of All Dogs Go to Heaven 2, sexy birds, Niki's exciting new tech/multimedia conference, self-driving microphones, what a think tank is/does, an important thought experiment about cranking it, and if you can believe it, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, LB and John reconvene to discuss another week's worth of pressing issues, including everyone's fun new lies, Tom Hanks' filmography, houseboats, what constitutes a "boat movie," LB's great Rick & Morty impressions, changes for a Survivor reboot, Jessica Rabbit, IRL Tommy Pickles, 9/11, and somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, Niki, LB and Texas John gather for their regularly scheduled discussion salon, this week featuring such diverse topics as an XFL game that Niki watched, going to 7-Eleven, how many of those gold boys GDT has, edible arrangements, the creepy porno guy, The Office from TV, and I know this description is shorter than usual but trust me sweetheart, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, LB and John set a new record for "time until talking about both Shrek and cum" on this week's episode, which also includes discussions of Kitty Softpaws, whether "animals in shoes" is an inherently perverse concept, LB's Megan Traynor theory [Editor's note: I refuse to look up how to spell her name, sorry], whether every movie is a sequel to every previous movie, Niki's sandwich saga, Driveycon travel logistics, and somehow my love, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Home from his trip to LA, John reunites with Niki and LB to settle some unfinished business from his vacation, including the volume of phone numbers within arm's reach at all times, buying a patio set at Cost Plus World Market, Kenny Loggins' voice acting career, a new rule for the podcast, motorized unicycles for white people, genuine takes re: The Grammy Awards, LB's on-air attempt at buying BTS Suga concert tickets, and sweet-cheeks, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, LB and Niki actually did the damn thing and recorded an episode inside the Cheesecake Factory at The Grove in Los Angeles, California.NOTE FROM LB: "IT'S BEEN OVER 5 HOURS SINCE WE LEFT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY AND I STILL HAVE HEARTBURN. DON'T DO WHAT I DO. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES."Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/).Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

oh snap it's a niki editthis week on the podcast we talk about ghost kitchens, city buses, and something else (even though i just finished editing the episode i don't remember). but it's a really good one i promise. give it a listen! tell your friends about the podcasti made a bitly link so you can just give your friends a jumble of letters to get to the show: bit.ly/iydcye Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

LB, Niki and John combine their energy to produce almost two whole people's worth of podcasting ability, which they use to discuss having "the" doctor's appointment, KTLA's intellectual property theft from John and Niki, the Obamas not thinking "big enough," if the First Lady should be forced to host a television program, the Daytime Emmy awards, the current state of reality television on TLC, and sweetheart, somehow even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With our producer Jordo in the icy hell of Texas' privatized energy grid, your hosts were free to bully each other, discuss NASCAR's Clash at the Coliseum, investigate the legal implications of Shrek, and explore the "worst fandom in history" bracket. [Update: Jordo is back from hell and has replaced the original upload with a properly mixed version. If you heard the first MP3, congratulations!]Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, John and LB experience true ego death within the bowels of "Design Toscano," where they discuss what a snifter is, whether Jesus will fit in the carry-on luggage, life after death, home furnishings available in "human bone finish," buck-naked Father Christmas, a multitude of sexy sculptures for your home or office, where "on the face does the face stop," temple maidens, and darling, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, LB and Niki bring a new set of issues to the table for discussion, including what qualifies as a broken bone, the film Risky Business, Don Cheadle's unsullied innocence, a special deal for new advertisers, how Jesus Christ figures into the whole alpha/beta/sigma thing, more than a decade's worth of forum posts about the cheesecake aboard Carnival cruises, and darling, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, LB and John settle in for an afternoon chill sesh, during which they: evangelize the gamification of the Catholic Church; discuss the possibilities opened up by the death of non-compete agreements; take a brief sojourn to the realm of artificial intelligence; investigate various objects with their senses; determine their personal The Picture of Dorian Gray-esque cursed objects; remember getting stuck out in public with your typewriter; and sweetheart, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, Niki and LB are back from break and positively bursting with a rejuvenated vigor for podcasting, which they immediately put to use discussing the perks of being LB's best friend, Niki's new hobby buying coins off the TV, a LOT of talk about erectile dysfunction commercials, where Dr. Pepper comes from, LB and Niki's New Year's Resolutions, "the Instagram showerhead," the specs for our first automobile, a new yaoi quiz, and honey buns, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John subjects LB and Niki to a game show of his own design entitled What Happened in 2009?, which is exactly what it sounds like. This causes our intrepid trio to discuss the Avatar pentalogy, what kinds of shoes people wore on the Titanic (if any), bad question design, Balloon Boy, a very unorthodox use for a screwdriver, and kitten, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, Niki and LB return to the content mines to trudge up a fresh batch of insightful and witty conversations about prescient topics affecting modern society, including Niki's fun new game show, whether Huey Lewis is on Cameo, LB's fun new game show, John's fun new game show, everyone's favorite Price is Right games, dark dating show concepts, shooting four epic guns (perfect for families), the menu at Sapphire Las Vegas Pool Party Grill, and you bet your sweet bippy, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Niki's bappy!! To celebrate, the gang returns to their ancestral birthplace, Education City, Qatar, for a regal symposium focusing on such diverse topics as procedural television shows, holographic airport women, the World Cup, DILF-era Bill Goldberg, Niki's ongoing malpractice issues, streaming from the airport, the latest Official Enemy of the Show declaration, and baby, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Black Friday here in the ol' US of A, and to mark this bleak occasion the Niki, LB and John discuss a wide range of unrelated topics, including Niki's new obsession with "miniature airplanes," digging a hole with Joe Biden, what days they have in Japan, the time a guy hit John in the face with his own cane, buying porn at the airport, how to start conversations with girl, how to start conversations with guy, and my sweet summer child, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, LB and John reconvene to navigate another week's worth of life's treacherous roadways, including who the next wave of biopics will focus on, starting a Patreon for the United States Armed Forces, LB's Xbox account, Jay Jay the Jet Plane, our Lord Jesus Christ, a show called "Mr. Bogus" that John watched as a kid, the importance of heating a pastry, and I swear to God, even more. Support merritt's book!! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

John, LB and Niki gather here today to pay tribute to one of the best/worst websites of all time, Twitter dot com, which is dead now. The gang also discusses where we should all go next, the best-ever day on Twitter, everyone's favorite tweets, a scam to become land owners in Scotland, "man's unpaid obligation to hardworking bees," the Criagslist forum dedicated to haiku, and I swear to God, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (small frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredriving Support us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week LB, Niki and John advise opening your third eye (while keeping your first two closed, of course), and also discuss other important topics facing today's Sleepy Americans™, including if the primordial soup was the original wassail, why we've never seen a dracula with an eyepatch, the pervert's place in the community, oranges from Australia, Tumblr's new content guidelines, podracing, and somehow, even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB — and our producer Jordo — try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (https://twitter.com/godsewa) (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (https://twitter.com/FloppyAdult) (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (https://twitter.com/hunktears) (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (https://twitter.com/Jordan_Mallory/) (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz (https://maxds.itch.io/). Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a comedy podcast that we think you'll love. In this trailer (which is not sponsored by McDonald's) we talk about McDonald's, Carl Weathers, John getting fired, and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, LB and John are back and sleepier than ever, with John a little loopy from his vaccine cocktail and Niki more in need of medical attention than ever. Meanwhile, the gang shows off their knowledge of Scandinavian geography, LB and Niki compare sleep study results, John details his trip to the vaccine clinic, LB orders McDonald's live (not sponsored), and somehow, even more.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Happy spooky season, Drivers! LB finally gets the scary episode they've wanted out of John and Niki, who discuss election fraud (not like that), the Lord Jesus, Vanilla Ice's birthday, LB's fear of rats, salt guns, Rambo facts, John's undying love for Tom Cruise, and his fear of what might happen if he doesn't close the garage door in time.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Niki, LB and John perform a dark ritual to summon their first special guest, merritt k (twitter.com/merrittk), after which Niki has a "mayonnaise question," John tells a story about an attempted murder he survived as a child, we all chill with our homie Eduardo and merritt describes an escalating cavalcade of jpegs from the Hammacher Schlemmer website.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode: the fishing cheating controversy, Niki's new plan for electoral democracy, LB's new plan for healthcare, and more. We made a lot of claims about Colton Burpo and chess on this episode so we're sorry if we said anything that was wrong. Please let us know if you can get us a line on John Cena's rates for sack racing assistance.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

HONK HONK! In this episode, Producer Jordo guides our hosts into a strange and fascinating world. A tiny world, a 1/24 scale world. Of truckers. JPEG-description fans rejoice and settle in for nearly a full hour of audio imagery. Also: Mad Libs, the bachelorette section, and literacy.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What would the shared mind palace of our hosts look like? A mall, that's what. In this one, our three intrepid travelers decide what would go in their shared mental mall. How big is the Cheesecake Factory? How many pianos are there? Also: What is a "Rick Caruso podcast indulgence"? How would you spend PP Loan? What are you doing at the BDub3's? How many incorrect facts does LB say about their own religion? Listen and find out.Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. What happen if you reboot Wheel today? On the first ever episode of If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, hosts Niki, LB, and John talk about Spindrift, Mount Vernon, and the best car ever made.who are we?: We are Niki Grayson (the Buster Keaton of basketball), John Warren (business boy and wassail pervert, short), LB Hunktears (handsome genius, 5'8", America's Gamer), and producer Jordan Mallory (frog with computer). Music by Jordan Mallory and Art by Max Schwartz.Follow the show: https://www.twitter.com/ifyouredrivingSupport us: https://www.patreon.com/ifyouredriving Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.