#14| Why Do People Say Hurtful Things After Loss? How to Respond When Their Words Sting

Have you ever smiled and nodded while your insides were screaming?

Has someone minimized your loss with an “at least…” and you felt punched in the chest?

Have you felt like you’re not just grieving… you’re also managing other people’s feelings?

Do you freeze in the moment and only think of what you wish you said later?

 

Today we’re doing something a little brave. A little raw.
We’re talking about the hurtful things people say after loss — not always because they’re cruel, but because they’re uncomfortable, ignorant, or trying to protect themselves from the reality of grief.

And if you’ve ever thought, “Why am I having to comfort everyone else while I’m the one shattered?” I need you to hear this: you’re not crazy. You’re exhausted.

This episode is different from Episode 13 (Ask a Bereavement Doula). That one was Q&A.
This one is about how to protect your heart when grief meets other people’s mouth.

Inside this episode, I give you:

the 3 categories most hurtful comments fall into

a simple 3-step response framework (so you don’t have to think on the spot)

scripts in three tones: soft, direct, and spicy

and what to do if you freeze, fawn, or explode afterward — because yes, that’s part of grief too.

 

This weeks Journal Prompt: “What comment has impacted me the most — and what do I wish I could say back?”

If This Episode Resonated, Listen Next

Episode 13: Ask a Bereavement Doula — Real Questions, Honest Answers — if you want more truth-with-love Q&A

Episode 4: Why Baby Loss Still Feels So Invisible — if silence and minimization have made grief heavier

Episode 9: When Loss Changes Your Relationship — if grief has you navigating other people while you’re hurting

 

Send this episode to someone who’s grieving and keeps getting hit with comments that make them feel crazy.
Not because it fixes the pain — but because it gives them words and boundaries.

If you want quiet support like this in your inbox — reflections that don’t sugarcoat grief — join my private email community. 

Website: www.holdingwomenthroughgrief.com

 

This podcast is for supportive and educational purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist. If you need professional mental health support, please reach out to a licensed therapist, grief counselor, or medical provider.