Healing the Unresolved

Today’s podcast discusses how that which is so close to us is often that which is the most unseen. Nameless fears, which are buried in our implicit memory, can define and be the driving force in our lives until we become consciously aware of them. While this can be a very painful process, it can also yield the most fruit and give us the biggest leaps forward in the healing work and in our spiritual lives.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who is in a state of anguish over the disparity between his desire for healing and faith and that of his spouse. When such a disparity exists, it can be difficult just being able to have a conversation. Today’s podcast speaks to how to find peace and to thrive, even when such disparities exist.

Today’s podcast introduces an additional fast for those on the healing path during Great and Holy Lent. This fast will not add burdens or hardships, but quite the opposite, will bring greater peace. We can use this lenten season to unlearn old habits and create new experiences and memories. This additional fast will help bring greater meaning to bright week and the space of the empty tomb.

Today’s podcast discusses how there is often a disparity between our self-perception and how others perceive us. Where we are with this is like being on a continuum. We don’t want to be at either extreme. However, sometimes our self perception is so low that we don’t quite fully function spiritually, and we end up recusing ourselves from the life that God wants us to live.

Today’s podcast discusses the parable of the prodigal son and covers concepts and processes that are not as obvious as sin, but have just as much, if not more, power to pull us away from the house of the Father. The intangible things that we pursue, crave, yearn for, and chase, are much harder to spot and to be conscious of, but can lure us far away from God and from our dignity.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who is trying to understand why they so often end up having the same experiences repeatedly, specifically in the area of interpersonal relationships. Today’s podcast takes a look at a topic that is not often discussed, and that is when often we inadvertently re-create old relationship patterns because we tend to gravitate to what we know and what we are familiar with. Sometimes it just feels familiar and other times we are trying to get closure or gain a sense of mastery over an old relationship pattern that was never resolved.

Today’s podcast addresses some confusion over whether it’s okay or not to pray for healing. Many have been on the receiving end of mixed messaging on this topic. Some are told to not pray for healing and to just rejoice for their suffering. While that is not wrong, we are often yearning for more, such as for hope and comfort. We are not to abandon others to their pain, especially if we are not suffering or going through the pain that they are. The podcast also covers a deeper gratitude to bring to God that buffers us from discouragement and makes us more spiritually resilient.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who had been through a very difficult series of health traumas and scares involving themselves, their child, their husband, and their parents. The submitter of the question is struggling to feel normal again and to feel safe. Steps that can be taken to restore that sense of safety and normalcy are covered in the podcast.

Today’s podcast speaks on a very important topic that is one of the cornerstones of our spirituality. It is essential that we be able to receive the love of God and accept and truly believe that God loves us. However, our life experiences often taint or contaminate our perception of God and His love. To make matters worse, we have shame over our struggle with our perceptions and believe that God holds this struggle against us. This struggle of perceptions is part of our ascetical life. God does not hold it against us, so we should not hold it against ourselves.

Today’s podcast focuses on how the months of January and February are actually months of critical spiritual activity even though in the world and creation, it’s a time of inactivity and hibernation. There is particular focus on a new year’s audit we can do on ourselves involving the four R’s of: Roles, Relationships, Regrets, and Resolve.

Today’s podcast covers the topic of self abandonment. We often identify abandonment as taking place within a dyad or within interpersonal relationships. However, we can abandon ourselves in various ways. These ways can range from self-doubt to more serious self abuse, with many more forms in between. When self-abandonment occurs, this opens the door to despondency and despair. When we do not abandon ourselves, and maintain self compassion, we will not down-spiral emotionally.

Today’s podcast discusses the need to know when it’s time to simply let go of certain forms of emotional baggage when we get into later stages of life. We often don’t emotionally feel like our chronological age. However, as our years grow short, there’s just certain things we don’t want to be carrying; so that when the time comes, we can easily transition to the kingdom of God. Often times we are carrying baggage that is preventing us from growing up. Knowing what types of struggles are okay to just let go of and when it is okay to do that are the focal points of today’s podcast.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone struggling to understand how self denial and self acceptance do not conflict with each other. Both self denial and self acceptance depend on one another. If we do not maintain the appropriate application and balance of both, we will spiritually stall out; either in the state of complacency or despondency.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who has been having disagreements with their spouse over whether or not to visit extended family during the holidays. The various factors that should go into making these decisions is discussed. A nativity activity and meditation is also given to help the submitter of the question and listeners to help make the right decisions during this advent season.

Today’s podcast offers a reflection on Saint Paul’s recent epistle in which he describes how anything revealed becomes visible and what is visible becomes light. We are all invited to participate in the beautiful process of converting dark secrets, struggles, and sins into light by bringing them to the light of day, the light of consciousness, the light of Christ.

Today’s podcast explores a topic that we all have experienced, but rarely discuss. We know that expectations are troublesome and that hope is healthy. But what about a yearning? Examples of healthy yearnings and unhealthy ones are discussed and explored. The origins of unhealthy yearnings, and havoc they can wreak in our lives, are also a focal point.

Today's podcast revisits and builds upon a previous episode that was about when we unconsciously follow a script from the past. However, this topic is expanded today to how we can create new unhealthy scripts or narratives in the present without realizing it is happening. A stressful time can lead to negative self-dialogue that can become a habit. It can create a new procedural memory of how we relate with ourselves. It can even become a way of self-soothing in a very unhealthy way.

Today's podcast focuses on the importance of being able to be honest with ourselves and be able to say we are not okay during times of struggle. More of life sticks to us than we realize. The paradox is that when we can acknowledge we are not presently okay, then we know we will be okay. Denial is costly and far more damaging than we realize.

Today’s podcast offers a brief meditation on certain experiences that drive home the reality that our lives will not always be as they are now. Also, how the most significant moments in our lives are often the ones we take for granted and gloss over. We often proceed in the space of assumptions; assuming there will be time down the road to say certain things, or to ask for forgiveness, or to forgive. However, we know that the only guarantee is now.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who is trying to make sense of whether it is them or others that’s the cause of broken family relationships. Sometimes when we are in the face of unreasonable and unhealthy behavior, we can doubt ourselves and begin to even question our own sanity. However, sometimes it can be a little bit of us and sometimes a lot. Today’s podcast discusses being able to discern between the two. Also, as we progress on the healing work and our insight and self awareness grows, we must also make sure that our mercy grows as well.

Today’s podcast helps someone who is navigating a toxic situation in a parish setting. Some feel it is never an option to leave a parish and then there are others who treat leaving a parish too flippantly. A healthy parishioner-parish relationship is sustained by a healthy synergy; where one protects, nourishes, and sustains the other. When that synergy is broken, a change is sometimes needed.

Today’s podcast speaks about how a key component to a peaceful departure from this world is traveling lightly. Specifically in the form of not carrying emotional baggage any longer than we have to. Sometimes, when we have had profound unmet needs, a part of us can linger back at an earlier time, and we can wait a lifetime for something to come around that never will in the form we are seeking. When this happens, it can make our departure from this world much more difficult. Learning when it’s time to turn the page and move on, and how to do that, is the focal point of today’s discussion.

Today’s podcast speaks to the importance of being able to acknowledge and recognize when we’ve had a measured or healthy response to something. Both accountability and mercy are important for spiritual health. The second half of the podcast focuses on being careful what we expose ourselves to on social media. If we were not had an event then we don’t need to insert our ourselves there retroactively by watching traumatic videos of that event. We have to maintain balance both within and without.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who is disheartened and confused as to why they keep experiencing powerful triggers and emotional reactions to certain situations when they thought they did all of the healing work. We often don’t realize, that a part of our brain didn’t get the memo, that it’s OK to react differently to things and that we have the power to choose how we respond to something and what we make it to be. Once the heavy lifting of the healing work is done, we have so much more freedom to change the old script we have been following and to write a new one.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who’s been through a very difficult ordeal in their parish setting. Often times in these situations, confusion and hurt abound. Knowing when it’s okay to walk away and start new somewhere can be a difficult decision. Traumatic experiences are profoundly disempowering. Part of the healing process is becoming empowered. It’s okay to use God’s gift of free will and follow our dignity.

Today’s podcast is a brief discussion on how traumatic experiences can be passed down. Often those on the healing path have gone to great lengths to make sure their children never experience what they did. However, often to our dismay, we might notice our kids showing the same struggles we did. This is because our painful experiences can get passed down genetically. This can be a painful realization for a parent. However, there are also positives. What is passed down can be changed.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who has been very very confused by the discrepancy between the memory of their experiences and what their body is telling them. This can often lead us to doubt ourselves and make us believe and feel that something is wrong with us. When our body is telling us a story we do not understand or have memory of, it can feel very frightening. Leaning into what our body is telling us requires counseling and making sure we are being patient and gentle with ourselves, and also having a strong therapeutic relationship.

Today’s podcast discusses how friendships in today’s world are hard to come by. There are multiple reasons for this. One is that the resources of time and having the mental bandwidth for a friendship are more scarce. However, our society also has become more egocentric and self-centered, which disrupts the synergy and reciprocity needed for a healthy friendship. There is also a difficult discussion on having to ask ourselves difficult questions to assess are we a healthy friend to others.

Today’s podcast answers a question from a grieving mother. Since her son had passed away by taking his own life years ago, she has limited herself to several prayers she had found that imply that the one praying the prayers is risking sinning and has led to the mother feeling shamed. How to handle praying for those who committed suicide is discussed in this podcast.

Today’s podcast speaks to what are realistic expectations of the healing work. The end result is not the absence of struggle or the complete disappearance of difficult emotions. The reality is, a little bit of pain and struggle are directional and we need them to keep moving and not get too comfortable in this world. The example of Saint Paul is also discussed. In the end, our struggles are not sins, but rather they allow room through which God‘s grace can act.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who is trying to start their life with their husband, but the pain and dysfunction of their family of origin calls for them daily. Even though the submitter of the question is married and outside of their childhood home, they are still playing the same role they did when they were a child. Today’s podcast discusses how to break free from a family of origin that has never changed so that we can have a chance at a healthy and peaceful life.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who grew up in a fatherless home, and there was also much conflict and upset. As a result of these experiences, the submitter of the question experiences intense fear and stress around members of the opposite gender. Despite having done much work on this, they still struggle. They have also fallen into sexual addiction as a way to cope with the pain and stress associated with this.

Today’s podcast speaks to a request by a listener, to speak on the topic of accountability, specifically in a parish setting. A healthy parish is one that does not tolerate negative or unhealthy behavior. This means being able to have the difficult conversations. Also, the perception that we can sometimes hide our negative behaviors in the church and not have to work on them is also addressed.

Today’s podcast focuses on how to discern the difference between being selfish and selfless, specifically around setting boundaries or anytime we assert ourselves. When it comes to depicting the self as bad, we have to be very careful when speaking in absolutes or in all or nothing language. The reality is, when someone is healing from trauma, there are times when the sense of self has to be focused on as a temporary passage, in order to achieve becoming selfless.

Today’s podcast answers a question from a parent who is in the process of exploring colleges for their teenager. They feel influenced by parents who put pressure on their kids to get into elite schools and yet feel envious of parents who are relaxed and have no need to put pressure on their kids. The submitter of the question asks if there’s a sweet spot or balanced position to have so that they’re not being too lax or putting too much pressure on their kids. Allowing our kids to be who they are, and guiding them according to the gifts and talents God has given them, gives them dignity that protects them from all the things that we fear for them.

Today’s podcast speaks to a topic that is relevant to all the questions that have been submitted. That topic is the reality that awareness is becoming less present in this world. Many people are feeling disillusioned with humanity and existentially alone. However, whether just discouraged with humanity because of the present state of the world or from having suffered from trauma, the presence of humble souls in our lives can be a balm on our soul and have a healing effect on us.

Today’s podcast is a discussion about a subtle mindset that affects so many of us. Without realizing it, we go through our lives in a mindset in which we are always waiting for some future moment when will finally relax and live as God meant for us to live. In the meantime, our present stressors and tasks are perceived as obstacles. We are often waiting for that moment where we feel we will have absolute control, but it never seems to arrive. Learning to pivot and be at peace with the now is the point of discussion.

Today’s podcast answers the question from someone who has been often misunderstood throughout their lives and in their parish, to the point of becoming alienated from their parish. They openly admit they have Asperger’s and are on the developmental spectrum. Today’s podcast discusses what this means for us spiritually, and how to fit it into the spiritual life and also the parish life.

Today’s podcast reflects on one of the reasons why God sometimes feels so distant when we need Him the most during times of stress. The sudden onset of stress or a crisis, trigger many of us in ways that cause us to over function and over control because we suddenly don’t trust anyone or anything. This can cloud out the presence of God in our lives and cause Him to feel very distant, like we cannot connect with Him.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone seeking advice on how to find long-term success and stability in their relationships. Attachment issues can be a big cause of instability in relationship building. The hypervigilance for any sign of rejection in a relationship can make friendships hard to sustain. Becoming aware of these patterns and having balanced hopes and boundaries in relationships are discussed.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who feels completely disconnected from God, specifically His love and forgiveness. Children, when in stressful situations, will often cope by blaming themselves. This can lead to a life of guilt over things they never did wrong. This can often lead to believing and feeling like the love of God is for everyone except us.

Today’s podcast offers a reflection on how the healing work is a profound way of taking up our cross as well as deepening our ascetical life. It is very important to be reminded that our healing work is not outside of our spiritual life nor contrary to it, but rather an integral part of our spiritual life and a great enhancer of it.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who is suffering from social anxiety, to the point where they no longer interact with people or go outside. The constant ruminating over how we talked, communicated, or interacted, can cause some to completely avoid interactions. Today’s podcast focuses on casting a light on the path that the submitter of question can take so that the sound of their voice and their own thoughts do not cause them pain.

Abandonment and rejection are painful experiences that can make us feel like we have no emotional home. Also, they can make us live like we are living a life on the run; running from humanity, and from ever having those experiences again. Unfortunately when we do this, we will never heal and we will stay trapped in the abandonment and rejection we experienced. Today’s podcast answers questions from someone who had such experiences and is encouraged to bloom where they are planted.

Today’s podcast answers the question from someone who spent years in a monastery, but after some struggles stepped away but plans on going back. The submitter of the question is struggling with their understanding and perceptions of their experience, and wondering if they need more counseling to resolve what feels unresolved.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who endured painful experiences at an early age and is struggling to understand how they can find their way back to a healthy place in the church, with God, and as a healthy orthodox Christian. Traumatic experiences leave us feeling bad, shameful, and defective. We often have to come to realize that it was the experiences that were deeply flawed, not us. Trauma teaches us to expect far more of ourselves than God would ever expect.

Today’s podcast answers a question from someone who had a negative experience in confession and is afraid to go back. The discussion focuses on what healthy confession should look like and how confession is in encounter with God. It is an opportunity to, in an experiential way, experience the mercy and love of God. It is important that we find our way back to confession in order to give ourselves an opportunity for a positive confession experience and to unlearn the procedural memories that formed from the negative experience.