Good Children

It's 2009: FarmVille, Flash Mobs, Hannah Montana and homophobia were all the rage. We're beginning to say goodbye to our childhood and prepare for high school with the rise of Glee, Gaga, and Picnik. Join Good Children on the journey of self-awareness and self-deprecation as Joe and Andrew dive deeper into the final troubling times of middle school: 8th Grade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's take it to 2008 for a second and dissect the very alarming reality of growing up (whether you want to or not). Stretch marks, being 12 at Retro Fitness, the 5 gum trade, pulling up your pants, getting scoobed, playing with toys in a godly way, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's 2007: Harry Potter is ending, the iPhone is born, and Joe and Andrew take their very first steps into middle school. Today's episode is all about the trials and tribulations of SIXTH GRADE, including, but not limited to: Thursday afternoon fights at Gino's pizzeria, body odor, rainbow rockets, Webkinz, Aeropostale, milk for every meal, the birth of cell phone culture, Miley's pregnancy rumor, giving sixth graders power tools, Axe body spray, and more nauseating experiences from one of the worst years of our lives. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The boys are back with a special 80-minute season 2 premiere! Let's learn to put ourselves out there together: from using the internet to gain noteriety as a middle scholer to dealing with bullying and humiliation in high school, this episode gets traumatic. The boys talk about body image, their first gay dates, their most embarrassing moments, childhood crushes (Sharkboy), fear of rejection/failure lol, and the full-body experience of an elementary school assembly. Come for the jokes, stay for the 5-step program on how to be your authentic self in situations where it might seem fully impossible! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Surprise! The boys are back for the holidays with a reflective, weirdly sad, totally kooky Christmas special! Unpack Joe's Grinch fetish, desperately try to hear the ringing bell from the polar express, and learn to believe all over again in this special installment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The time has come to share the most important night of our lives with you: Good Children: LIVE! Join the crowd at Good Children's first ever live show in this very special season finale! OK so FINE, we talk a lot about Thanksgiving, but the sentiments still stand a few weeks later. Laugh, cry, learn what dreams are made of, and cherish every moment like this. Thank you all for a great season 1, we'll see you next year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In their *actual* penultimate episode of Season 1, the Good Children reflect on the trends that made them who they are and the ones they wish they could forget. From Silly Bandz to Pillow Pets to Andrew's very first Webkinz, "Shinning star." Reflect on a season of heartwarming memories, a lot of self-indulgent growth talk, and moments we'll literally keep like a photograph and hold in our hearts forever. Whether you popped out the lenses of Disney 3D glasses to look like a hipster or wore Von Dutch as a young child, this episode has something for everyone. We've come a lawwwwwng way from where we've begun and we'll tell you AWLLLL about it when we see you again for Season 2 (but don't forget to check back next week for our LIVE EPISODE). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The boys talk reinvention (Royal Era), letting go, New York City, and being teenage drama queens on this penultimate episode of Good Children. Joe and Andrew walk through the days they spent longing to be cool/thin/hot/rich/famous/etc. and wandering around the city trying to impress everyone while no one paid attention. Andrew's a Maxxinista, Joe's longing for longing, Jill's back, and everyone wants to put a stop to Rose's Pizza. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The boys get down and dirty on this educational episode of Good Children. Stories range from near-death encounters on the middle school bridge to learning about sex from fan fiction. Joe and Andrew get deep about their intimacy problems and beg the question: do we ALL have sex issues? All this and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

BUCKLE UP FOR A HEAVY EPISODE. The boys talk self-loathing, guilt, shame, being the Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift, Andrew getting taken to the Honor Council, lying, fessing up, breaking down, binge eating, and more in this deeply psychological episode of Good Children. PLUS: A FULL Midnights review. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You’re invited to a JOE HEGYES HALLOWEEN PARTY. Bring out the marshmallow mummies, fire up the smoke machines, get to work on your costume, because stakes are HIGH. On this VERY SPOOKY EPISODE of Good Children, Andrew and Joe walk through some of their favorite Halloween memories (including every costume they’ve literally ever done). Halloweentown was gay representation, Joe was problematic, and we ALL love Brenda Song. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this very viral episode of Good Children, the boys travel back to the dawn of time and a land before TikTok: the internet in the late 2000s. From Farmville to Facebook to Grape Lady Falls, Joe and Andrew explore the holy times of performance on the early internet. After unpacking the deep psychosis of Andrew's acapella days, the boys react to a few of their videos #FromTheVault. PLUS: live show planning, LGBTQIA* allyship lessons, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Get your permission slipped signed, it’s time to go on a field trip with Good Children! In this hyper-descriptive episode, Joe and Andrew walk you through some of the most memorable experiences they’ve ever had— all involving trips. From running for Mayor in 5th grade (you’ll never guess who wins), to risking your life for a school play (you’ll never guess who’s driving the car), to enjoying a stay at Universal Orlando Resort, this episode as it all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Surprise: we're officially on Patreon! We're excited to share a side of us you don't normally get on the pod and have the chance to work closely with our listeners on creating the BEST content yet. This is a clip from "bad influences," our first Patreon-exclusive series where we get a littttttle tipsy on camera. The cuts are slower, the vibes are chiller, and the stories are even more vulnerable. Check out the full episode at the link in our bios! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In today’s VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, join Andrew and Joe in Joe’s childhood home as he dog sits on Long Island for the weekend. The boys cover everything from Grindr in your hometown to girls who had ferrets as pets. Whether you self-identified as Jay Gatsby in high school or believe you could win a verbal argument with a pigeon, this episode has something for everyone: from Long Island culture to ghosts caught on camera. Come one over and sit a spell as Joe struggles to tame a 6-month-old puppy and Andrew silently suffers from digestive trauma. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this reflective episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe journey through the moments in their life they tried their hardest to be the best little boys in the world. From a Cub Scouts cheating scandal to a religious education chocolate bar MLM to praying the gay away, the boys come to realize that only shooting stars break the mold. For the first time ever, Joe and Andrew tell their long-requested coming out stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

WE'RE DOING OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW ON NOVEMBER 22ND AT THE BELL HOUSE IN BROOKLYN. CHECK INSTA FOR MORE DETALS! - Who do you have for AP Bio? Are you dressing up? Should we audition for the musical this year? It’s the first day of school for our Good Children and things get weird fast when Andrew confesses his genuine love of math. This episode is essentially a trauma dump of Andrew fighting his teachers sprinkled in with some good old fashioned nostalgia. The bus is here, gtg! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pumpkins, fawlling leaves, the prowess only a flannel can bring, republican energy. It’s officially fawll at Good Children HQ and the boys are inviting you to share in their seasonal spirit. From pumpkin picking photoshoots to the clown epidemic of 2016 to dressing up in full drag to go to Disney as an adult, Joe and Andrew unpack it all. Come along on a $15 hayride and practice your dynamic lumbar stretches as we prepare to pick the hottest pumpkin in the patch! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask box is officially open! Join Andrew and Joe as they get HONEST when answering YOUR questions. Ponder life’s greatest mysteries like: Lizzie McGuire or That’s So Raven? What does Andrew love about Joe? When did Joe first listen to Taylor Swift? And more! Things get emotional, things get comical, and things get a little too serious on this week’s Good Children! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella were so pretty and so smart and got good grades and dated all the popular boys in high school. Ppl in their school TOTALLY HATED THEM so they planned to lock them in a closet forever. Unless you send this message to 10 other people, they will come to your room tonight and harmonize. They will show up every night. You have seven minutes to send this. LOLJK! In this very SCARY episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe unpack some of their earliest fears, and a few fears they have today. Ranging from chain messages to intimacy, basements to rejection, no holds are barred. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You walk into a Long Island catering hall, there’s fried calamari, wyd? Celebrate our Sweet 16 with a look back on some of our more memorable Sweet 16 experiences, a polite conversation about Debby Ryan, and an emotional candle ceremony celebrating all of our favorite people. An introspective journey into the psyche of “LMFAO,” an inspiring call to action to bring back Bump Its, and the mortifying ordeal of being watched at a wedding. It’s a celebration fit for Good Children and YOU’RE invited. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Susan Boyle, Balloon Boy, Joe’s wart doctor… the stars align on this very nostalgic episode of Good Children! Andrew and Joe talk headlines and trends that had them glued to their TVs and abusing frozen yogurt topping bars. BeReal about chasing your dreams, negotiate the terms of your laundry service, finalize your Whale Rep application, and journey Into The Vault for more classic videos from the archive! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

OK sooooo this episode is about sports but not in a way that you will be bored/triggered/scared of. Joe and Andrew expose the seedy underbelly of sports through locker room trauma, halftime performances, Taylor Swift’s next album, and a weirdly sentimental speech on self love. Strap up your shin guards, put on your jockstrap, and get start praying for rain, because it’s time to play ball! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s another year around the sun for Joe! Celebrate the old fashioned way with nearly losing your life at a gymnastics party, exploring repressed middle school homophobia, technical difficulties and a fondant cake. Joe and Andrew talk birthdays then and now— and invite you along to the extravagantly themed party of your dreams! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Life’s a stage and Joe and Andrew will do anything it takes to get into the spotlight. The Good Children vault is officially opened in this retrospect of life’s greatest performances. Andrew and Joe react to childhood videos, unpack movie theater trauma, and wonder what life would be like if they took a page from Troy Bolton’s playbook and pursued musical theater in high school. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wake up at 3am and get on your way to a traumatic flight to nowhere with Joe and Andrew. This week, the boys talk all things travel (and toilets). Fasten your seatbelts, stow all carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and don't forget to check in on your straight (gay) boyfriends as they explore the world of PrEP and Grindr. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Take a trip to the doctors office with Andrew and Joe. In this week's GOOD CHILDREN, the duo talks all things growing: from getting weighed in to getting checked out. You'll be instantly transported back to 7th grade health class, taken to a Pride party under a bridge in Williamsburg, and demand legal retribution for the cultural impact of Nicole Scherzinger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this very special travel episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe take you abroad to the streets of Italy, where their lives have been forever changed by the Roman lifestyle. A discussion on Michelangelo's body dysmorphia, a revelation about toilet paper, and an honest look at American idealism. These good kids cover it all and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In quite possibly the darkest episode to date, Joe and Andrew discuss the chilling experiences that filled their summer breaks. A glimpse into the psyche of two emotionally disturbed Spanx for Men-wearing camp counselors, a retrospective look at the Cold Stone Industrial Complex, a dip in the pool, a trip to the spa, and a hopeful glance forward into summers unwritten. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The truth comes out in the latest installment of GOOD CHILDREN. Andrew and Joe discuss the absolutely insane tall tales they've told over the years and get to the psychological root of why so many gays lean towards lying. From buying likes on Instagram to buying stock in an energy drink pyramid scheme, these Chatty Kathies leave no stone unturned in their proverbial pet cemetery of childhood stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

TV! Movies! Bulges! Joe and Andrew dive into the pop culture that shaped them on this episode of GOOD CHILDREN. Our hosts talk parental controls, Glee's impact on the global social and economic systems of the world, and Jason Earle from Hannah Montana. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

First dates, middle school crushes, and a DTF donkey.. Joe and Andrew talk all things relationships, romance, and emotion on this week’s GOOD CHILDREN. From coming out to fitting in, theater gays to straight girlfriends, Justin Bieber to Danny Phantom, no stone is left unturned in this sticky, sweaty, swampy episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Things get tense in this week's installment of GOOD CHILDREN. Joe and Andrew explore several longstanding points of contention throughout their school years, as well as unpack the psychological terrors of standardized testing, the "time-out closet," and the pacer test. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After drinking 500mg of caffeine each, Joe and Andrew talk triple threats, late 2000s pop cultural icons, and the celebrities who made them who they are today through intense soliloquy and home videos. Andrew unpacks the trauma of his American Idol audition. Joe unloads his devotional love to Taylor Swift. Everyone seeks justice for Rebecca Black. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Underage drinking! Half-off apps! Sweet Sixteens! BBM screenshots! Joe and Andrew take you out from the comfort of their living room and Into The Woods on the sophomore episode of Good Children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Childhood best friends Joe Hegyes and Andrew muscarella unpack the "trauma" of the late aughts mall experience: from the dark abyss of an Abercrombie & Fitch dressing room to the philosophical reasoning behind your food court selection. Come with us on a journey through time, space, and body odor to any given mall on Long Island. TREAT OF THE WEEK: Pop Tarts. ⁠COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW⁠, SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community ⁠on Patreon⁠ for an exclusive bonus episode every week. Follow Good Children on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠TikTok⁠, & ⁠Twitter⁠. Follow Joe on ⁠Instagram⁠ & ⁠TikTok⁠. Follow Andrew on ⁠Instagram⁠. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices