Flusterclux With Lynn Lyons: For Parents Who Worry

:40 Lynn cites the American Psychological Association research, 68% of adults say currently that the election is “a significant source of stress.” 19:39 Lynn references a past episode that talks about when parents argue and model a resolution verses the vitriol of political debates among family members. 29:04 And Robin recommends all three seasons of Long Way Up starring Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman as an antidote for election anxiety. 30:22 Lynn recommends the Dolly Parton documentary Here I Am on Netflix. 32:20 please join the Flusterclux Facebook group. And we want to let our listeners know that we are switching our schedule, and new episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Episode 27 arrives October 23rd. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram. Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1:13 We’re going to do a progress report for students this fall. 4:04 HOW TO SUPPORT YOUNG LEARNERS THIS FALL 7:15 MIDDLE SCHOOLERS AND REMOTE LEARNING 13:01 HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE, and ACADEMIC PRESSURE 17:56 Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a Circle to manage your kids’ screen time at home. 18:22 A LISTENER QUESTION: THE CHILD THERAPIST RELATIONSHIP “I have a 17 year old daughter with general and social anxiety that is seeing a licensed mental health professional for about nine months now. I’ve now realized this professional is not making any headway with my daughter’s anxiety. How do I end the relationship with this therapist? My daughter does like her, and 1) find a new therapist that can truly help my daughter and 2) not cause my daughter’s anxiety to go into a tailspin with a new therapist and possibly damage our relationship.” 24:59 WHAT TO ASK A CHILD THERAPIST FOR ANXIETY Lynn goes over the questions parents should ask any potential therapist for their child. She goes over recommended approaches for anxiety and OCD. 27:36 Robin and Lynn discuss their obsession with watching Masterclass lessons. 33:22 Join the Facebook group so that you can ask Lynn your question on future episodes. Follow Flusterclux on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

0:55 Lynn mentions an eating disorder called avoidant restrictive food intake disorder that came out in the latest edition of the DSM five, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Fifth Edition of Psychiatric Diagnosis. 6:22 Robin shares a parenting hack to introduce new fruits or vegetables to young children. 8:47 Robin suggests a game called eat your face, where you take a variety of cut up fruits and vegetables to start design facial expressions. 14:06 Robin asks Lynn if picky eaters are grasping for control because they do not feel that have autonomy. 26:52 Lynn describes what isn’t a picky eater. 28:18 Robin references Lynn’s books, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents. Use the Circle to manage your kids screen time. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a circle. I love it. 30:59 Listener Question about the pandemic affecting a child's memory. Join the Facebook group so you can ask your question to Lynn in a future episode. Closing Music Courtesy of Susie Tallman, "Apples & Bananas" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1:09 Lynn describes the connection of perfectionism and anxiety in adults and kids she treats and suggests parents start looking at themselves and the messages around perfectionism they are sending. Robin references the book The Conscious Bride. 11:23 Lynn mentions the episode when she refers to the marital snort. 13:52 Lynn discusses the connection between perfectionism and procrastination and signs of perfectionism in children. 23:30 The Circle is what we use to manage our kids’ screen time. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a circle device for your home. 23:37 Robin reads a listener question for Lynn to answer about two girls who have anxiety of getting shots. 31:03 Robin references the co-parenting episode in relation to loading the dishwasher. 32:03 We talk about family silliness and the idea of embracing the messy 33:14 We encourage you to join our Facebook group so that you can submit a question for a future episode with Lynn. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Lynn references the three prior episodes on the arc of diagnosis in anxiety and depression and what to notice in your child and what to do if you have a diagnosis and helping your child get the best treatment. 3:02 Robin mentioned in one of our first episodes the powerful that when children see us being playful, it’s telling them that they are safe— that the world is okay. 3:45 Lynn references an amazing podcast on bias with Jordan Harbinger and mentions Paul Eckman’s work on micro-expressions. 14:41 Robin talks about blogger Tania Lamb and her Halloween costumes, and I think she has a Facebook Live show, and her website is called Lola Lambchops. 20:58 Lynn shows the family culture of comedy giving James Corden and his parents as examples of two people who love to laugh. 22:30 We talk about teasing being toxic and not to exploit a child’s suffering, referencing Jimmy Kimmel’s annual Halloween candy prank as something not to do. But we are all for pranking adults like young woman who got her wisdom teeth out and her brothers picked her up and convinced her there was a zombie apocalypse. LISTENER QUESTION 23:03 This listener question is from a mom of three teens who are home with remote learning. She wants to know how to keep her kids engaged with work, and wonders how much nagging it acceptable to keep everyone on track while also working from home. MANAGE YOUR INTERNET WITH A CIRCLE 34:13 It lets you set daily limits for different apps and social media. It also controls your kids’ Wi Fi schedules, and you can adjust age appropriate filters for searches from little kids to teens. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off of a Circle. I love it. 34:30 Lynn brings up the discussion of fears from the week prior and explains why she is afraid of rats and the role the movies in our heads play in conjuring fear. Robin is afraid of sharks. 36:53 Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode. Suggested Reading Don't Say That Depression Is Caused by a Chemical Imbalance Stressors and chemical imbalances: Beliefs about the causes of depression in an acute psychiatric treatment sample. Suggested Viewing Lynn Lyons' Teen Anxiety and Depression Webinar Michael Yapko's Keys to Unlock Depression: Why Skills Work Better Than Pills Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

1:00 Lynn provides an overview of getting a child a mental health diagnosis and asks th4e questions all parents should consider. How do you get one? Do you need one? 8:26 Lynn explains the right way to think about a diagnosis and its role in treating a child or teen. She explains a child’s diagnosis is often a family diagnosis and references the book Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents that give families a roadmap after an anxiety diagnosis. She talks about how a depression, anxiety or ADHD diagnosis affects all members of the family and how to stop accommodating the diagnosis. 12:47 We talk about siblings of the diagnosed child and how they experience the disorder. 17:28 Robin talks about why she love her Circle to manage screen time with her kids. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off of a Circle. 18:10 Robin reads a listener question by a parent who is married to someone with anxiety and depression that has increased from the stress of two children, one with special needs and work. Lynn shares references for couples therapy: Michelle Wiener-Davis, and Terry Real. ADDITIONAL BOOKS AND PODCASTS FOR PARENTS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid: A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special Children Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid Podcast The Mama Bear podcast Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask Lynn a question in a future episode. The podcast launched with the temporary name A Mom's Retreat in April 2020 for its pilot season. Find us at flusterclux.com https://www.facebook.com/flusterclux https://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting isn't easy in the best of circumstances, and 2020 will challenge every parent to support the emotional health of their kids and themselves. Flusterclux represents that feeling of overwhelm and tells parents how to better manage their worry and big feelings like anger and sadness so that they are modeling healthy emotional awareness. Lynn Lyons, therapist, author, and speaker is one of the world's experts on helping parents, kids, and teens manage anxiety. She talks with co-host and sister-in-law Robin Hutson in a weekly podcast free of psychobabble and full of concrete advice. In each episode, Lynn answers listener questions and gives parents concrete strategies for developing the traits that are their kids' best defenses against anxiety and depression later in life: flexibility, resilience, autonomy, and problem solving. Find us at flusterclux.com https://www.facebook.com/flusterclux https://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/ The podcast launched with the temporary name A Mom's Retreat in April 2020 for its pilot season. Find us at flusterclux.com https://www.facebook.com/flusterclux https://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Show Notes 0:34 Lynn and Robin discuss the new season of Flusterclux and describe who the podcast is for. Lynn describes emotional management as a goal for her therapy clients and her own family and why it is such a critical skill to strengthen relationships and prevent loneliness. 6:10 Robin and Lynn discuss the reason behind the name change from A Mom’s Retreat to Flusterclux. 8:46 Robin asks Lynn how families can tell if anxiety and anxious patterns are creeping into a household as a result of the stress of 2020. Lynn talks about rigidity and routine and explains the critical importance of flexibility within a routine for children and teens. 19:06 Robin asks Lynn how parents should be talking to their children about fall schedules to make room for its possibilities of changing. 21:53 Robin asks Lynn if there are better ways to talk to teens about school this fall than others to promote flexibility and adaptability. Lynn asks listeners a critical question she suggests all families ask themselves about the pandemic. 24:19 Lynn answers a listener question about a child who gets anxious being on camera and needs a reassurance that remote learning cannot provide. Lynn talks about the skill to develop around accepting criticism and social anxiety’s fear of judgement. 30:12 Lynn shares stories of her husband’s past whistling and then shows off her own whistling talents. 32:10 Join our Facebook group so that you can submit a question for a future episode with Lynn. We thank our sponsor Milestones Pediatric Therapy Center. Find us at flusterclux.com https://www.facebook.com/flusterclux https://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/ Show music by Peter Sandberg. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Show Notes :037 Robin reads the first of three listener questions in the episode. the first question. A mom asks how to help her six-year-old son who says other kids hate him. Lynn provides guidance on improving social skills as a life-long challenge, learning to take criticism, and learning to play with more flexibility. 12:06 The second listener question involves a family who experienced a traumatic accident while hiking together when a boulder crushed their daughter. They are trying to help her overcome her PTSD and flashbacks from the accident. Lynn discussing how to create mental distance from the event, avoid globalizing the event, and how to support the family’s different preferences of healing. 26:40 Robin reads the 3rd listener question about encouraging flexibility in a 4 year old. 27:07 Lynn teaches parents how to encourage flexibility in their children using the wall of flexibility and uncooked spaghetti. 31:44 Robin and Lynn discuss the Annie’s Mac and Cheese stage of parenting 33:42 Robin mentioned Lynn’s book Anxious Kids Anxious Parents that she wrote with Reid Wilson. Season 2 begins with new name next week! 33:06 Lynn mentions this is our last episode before we launch Season Two next Monday, 8/31/20 with a brand-new name. If you are a subscriber, it will be a seamless transition. Make sure that you subscribe on whatever platform you listen to the podcast on. And also at 8:30PM on Sunday night, August 30, join us on the Mom’s Retreat Facebook page for a live Facebook get together where we will give have giveaways and share announcements about new content coming for Season 2. So please join us this Sunday, August 30th at 8:30PM EST. See you then! Find us at www.amomsretreat.com https://www.facebook.com/amomsretreat https://www.instagram.com/amomsretreat/ https://twitter.com/Amomsretreat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

0:49 Robin reads the first question from listeners. Hi, I’m a school counselor in an elementary school. The return to school has many parents, myself included, anxious. With that said, how do you suggest I coach parents on supporting students prior to the return date? We know kids are picking up their cues from the adults. They’re surrounded by and many times those adults are unintentionally feeding student fears. How can I assist a family member and myself who’s super stressed and anxious, but is unwilling or unable to change patterns? 7:44 Lynn talks about the importance of positive expectancy in our language with our children. 9:44 Lynn gives in home and at school ways to create ritual for a new school year. 12:10 Lynn talks about why academics are NOT the priority this fall, and has a special message for parents concerned about their children falling behind academically. 15:49 Robin reads the second listener question about teacher anxiety I facilitate the majority of our building-based professional development as I try to think about what the fall will look like, and I really can’t. We have a few teachers we’re really concerned about in regards to their emotional health and readiness for in-person instruction. My principal and I have discussed this at length, how do we address this with them gracefully without putting them over the edge and make them feel supported? We think they could really use some professional help. What can we do? 19:17 Robin referenced one of Lynn’s Facebook Live videos talking about feeling back to school anxiety for the first time: “the worry rookies”. 21:13 Robin talked about this Facebook post that was a letter from nurses to teachers. 22:03 Lynn talks about not misplacing anger or blame on the school situation but to model empathy. Get inspired by our summer guide in order to make some memories or celebrate the start of school. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

0:31 HOW TO HELP SIBLINGS STOP FIGHTING “How to best deal with sibling fights being stuck at home for such an extended time. All the extra emotions everyone is feeling siblings are fighting way more than usual. What can I do?” 0:54 Lynn differentiates between the two kinds of sibling fights. One is that it’s mostly verbal and yelling and calling each other names or arguing over who gets to sit where on the couch, etc. And the other is when they get physical, and so somebody is in danger of getting hurt. 7:42 AVOID “BOYS WILL BE BOYS” THINKING Lynn explains the negative impact tolerating violence causes and how to set limits to curb it. 13:49 The Montessori school cure all of a little Dixie cup of water 14:30 A WORKING MOM WITH AN EMPTY TANK “As a working mom with two children under five, I’ve noticed a significant change in my own frustration, tolerance, and increased exhaustion and anger during the quarantine. Aside from taking a walk with the stroller, time alone or spending any time on myself is just nonexistent. And neither child sleeps through the night consistently. What strategies can I employ at home to be less emotionally reactive?” 15:09 Start with sleep. We did a whole episode on sleep, 19:11 The playifcation on relaxation with tingly head massagers that are in the shape of a tulip. 22:09 Join our Facebook group where you can submit your own questions to Lynn for a future episode. We’re relaunching this podcast August 31st for a second season under a new name. Follow our social media. That’s where you’ll learn about the new name first. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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For our summer bonus episodes, Lynn is answering listener questions. "Help. I do not recognize my newly turned 13-year-old, she is exhibiting behavior I never would have anticipated. She has a thrill for adrenaline and constantly asking me about stupid things I did as a kid, and I feel like I'm mourning the sweetest little girl I've ever known. She recently confessed that she has attempted cutting which absolutely floored me." Lynn talks about how to help your teenagers develop skills to say no to their friends and how to show empathy without imitating their friends who have self destructive habits. Lynn mentions her webinar, Teens, Anxiety, and Depression, for teens and parents for families who feel that their children are struggling during this age. Robin references Lynn's Facebook Live video about the stresses of fall school and how parents are trying to manage the choices of going back to school this fall. If you have a listener question for Lynn, be sure to join the podcast Facebook group to submit one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The research shows this pandemic has been disruptive to our families in significant ways. It's putting our marriages and relationships to the test. Collegial coparenting is critical. So as we share the parenting load, there are traps we all fall into with our partners and spouses. Lynn talks about asking for help in the right way, dropping defensiveness, resentment, and learning not to take the wrong things personally. In this episode Robin references Deb Perelmen's article in the New York Times: "In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both." Robin also references an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap but could not remember who starred in the episode. It was actually the premiere episode featuring Carnie Wilson and Tracey Gold. When referencing the movie This is 40 by Judd Apatow, Robin speaks of her past as a travel writer and how she's trying to bring the feeling of a vacation into the home. And if you need some inspiration, we have that summer episode guide from last week with all sorts of ways to create some family fun. The end song is Susie Tallman's Kookaburra, from one of her many outstanding children's albums. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Summer's here, and after our spring, we all would like to have some special summer moments outside with our families. In this episode, Lynn Lyons discusses how to handle common reactions from children. Maybe your child is anxious the virus and doesn't want to ease back into normal activities. Maybe your older kids are wanting to be too social or not social enough. We unpack boredom and its connection to creativity and unstructured play so that listeners can be ready with a constructive response to "I'm bored". And finally we discuss our ultimate summer guide to family fun. We asked podcast listeners to share their ideas on ways to make some magic for their kids this summer. The guide has 33 ideas: inside, outside, virtual, and local; you're bound to find ideas right for your family. We mention several things for summer activities and socializing that we compiled as an Amazon list. It includes the chocolate coins, picnic and hiking supplies, and the portable potty system Robin discusses. Music at the end of the episode includes "Summertime" with permission by Susie Tallman whose children's albums were some of our favorites when our kids were younger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This has been a crazy 2020. I mean, things were changing month by month, then week by week now, day by day, and kids are feeling more emotional. Maybe you're seeing an uptick in their anxiety, they're a little more withdrawn, more depressed, maybe there's an increasing feeling of anger or fear or frustration about what's going on in the world with the virus and with the protests. So today, we're going to take questions from you, the listeners, about the things you're seeing emotionally in your kids and what we can do to help as we try and navigate what continues to be such a tricky time. Lynn answers five questions from members of our Facebook group. And we discuss our next episode on ways to make your summer still memorable with several ideas for socially distanced family fun. Read a complete transcript on our website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As the world reacts to the Black Lives Matter movement, we discuss how emotional management can help white people handle white fragility and why families should stop the cycle of raising colorblind children. We provide additional resources for our listeners to read, watch, and listen to for themselves and their children. Articles for Therapists, Teachers, and Parents An Invitation to White Therapists Specific, Candid, and Helpful Responses to Expressions of Racism and Bias My White Friend Asked Me on Facebook to Explain White Privilege. I Decided to Be Honest As a Black Mother, My Parenting Is Always Political Dear White Parents, My Black Son and Husband Need You Right Now White Kids Need to Start Using Their Privilege for Good — Here’s How to Teach Them 9 Phrases Allies Can Say When Called Out Instead of Getting Defensive Beyond Blackout Tuesday: Starting Your Lifelong Anti-Racism Journey Suggested Reading So You Want to Talk About Race, by Ijeoma Oluo Waking Up White, by Debby Irving How To Be Less Stupid About Race, by Crystal M. Donaldson How To Be An Anti-Racist, by Ibram X. Kendi Antagonists, Advocates, and Allies by Catrice M Jackson Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad They Were Her Property by Stephanie E. Jones-Rogers, PhD I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Social Media To Follow Ally Henny's Facebook Page Rachel Cargle's Instagram Page Waste Free Marie's Instagram Page Podcasts By Black Mothers Articles by Black Bloggers To Support 5 Movies To Watch On Netflix In June 2020 Starring Black Leads Black YouTube Family Vloggers DO Exist! 3 TV Moments That Perfectly Portray “The Talk” For Black Families Teach Your Child to Be An Advocate For Change Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What did you learn about handling anger, sadness, and worry as a child from your family? How does that affect your parenting? We unpack our family baggage in this episode to see how we can stop dysfunctional generational patterns and give our kids the space for healthy feelings. This is a very special episode about three of the most powerful patterns that shape not just our relationships with our families, partners, children, and friends but the world outside our homes. Lynn walks us through the very big sweet spot where we want to be modeling for our kids healthy emotional management and examples of the extremes to avoid. Links to what we talked about The Jane Fonda documentary Our prior episode on flattening our emotional curve "Ac Cent Tchu Ate The Positive" that great Bing Crosby and the Andrew Sisters cover Everyone should watch Lynn's video on her website of a lecture she gave called "Can Mr. Rogers Save Us All?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mom guilt, burnout, and stress over remote learning has most parents exhausted these days. Hear psychotherapist Lynn Lyons share ways to manage these common pandemic parenting stresses. In this bonus episode, we asked listeners to share what they needed help with most, and Lynn delivers strategies to make days smoother. 1:38 We address burnout and how to fill an empty tank is small breaks. 6:56 A listener mentions that she feels guilty telling her children she is working when they want her attention. Lynn discusses the real purpose of guilt as an emotion and the toxicity of misapplied guilt. 12:06 The conversation moves to schoolwork stress and how to give the right space for kids to perform and why getting involved isn't always best. 19:06 We discuss how the lockdown has been a teacher of resilience for kids used to getting what they want. Lynn describes the difference between disruption and devastation and how the pandemic affects families differently. Lynn explains that our own self care must be independent of our children's emotions. 29:29 Robin asks Lynn to relay a time as a mom that she couldn't easily show her vanilla ice cream face. Read the whole transcript on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our sleep is very illustrative of other things that are going on. When we opened it up on our Facebook group and asked people if they had questions, we got a lot of responses. So, for anybody who's listening and who's wondering whether or not the sleep issues that they're dealing with in their family are unique, the answer is no. They are not. 3:42 Our first section of the show, Lynn offers guidance to parents of younger children. Starting at age four, Lynn offers ways for children to fall asleep and stay in their own beds. Lynn gives a glimpse of the recorded scripts she makes for her clients to help their children go to sleep, and we offer a free download of an example for you to use. 13:15 Lynn talks about the "mommy fruit scale" and how to convey to your younger kids that you just feel out of gas. 14:45 Lynn goes over realistic boundaries for tween and teen sleeping schedules and how to negotiate healthy sleep limits with them. We talk about the role of devices in sleep disruption and how to manage it. We discuss a WiFI device that can shut off at night to prevent kids from accessing the internet past bedtime. Use our affiliate link for a $20 off coupon. 22:35 We discuss the need to limit our exposure to the news, particularly children, who cannot process it well, as one listener's 4th grader is now waking throughout the night and watching news throughout the day. 26:20 Lynn gives parents her own favorite sleep trick that prevents the brain from ruminating. She goes over her ABC game and its magical amount of cognitive functioning to prevent rumination. Outro music is the wonderful Susie Tallman and her cover of "Slumber Song" from her album Lullaby Themes For Sleepy Dreams. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Helicopter parenting isn’t just about being nervous at the playground. Helicopter parents is a loaded label, and we define it in this episode as a hovering parent trying to control an outcome. 4:27 WHEN WE CAN’T GO TO THE ER AS EASILY We discuss the pragmatic balance of reducing the risk of physical play during a pandemic when the same medical care isn’t as straightforward of an option. 7:19 HELICOPTER PARENTS DURING PLAY Lynn gives examples of parents intervening in play that isn’t helpful. She answers a listener’s question about her 6 year-old’s right to privacy and potty language habits while using Facetime. 10:12 HELICOPTER PARENTING AND ACADEMICS Lynn talks about the opportunities for parents who helicopter and intervene to step back in this new pass-fail scenario where the stakes aren’t so high and encourages ways to inject more independence with students. 13:06 WHAT DOES HELICOPTER PARENTING MEAN? Lynn explains that academic helicopter parenting is a fear-based effort not let the chips fall where they may, to not let a child fail out of fear of failure, being judged, or other reasons. 15:54 BRINGING UNSCHOOLING INTO THE HOME We talk about the opportunity to introduce the importance of learning life skills from parents around the home, and discuss the chance to introduce unschooling opportunities—the chance for child-led learning on topics they choose over the summer. Here’s the remote learning platform we are using. 20:23 NEARLY EVERYONE HELICOPTERS IN AT LEAST ONE AREA Some parents intervene more in their children’s school work, the safety of their play, their friendships or appearance. Lynn asks how parents might step away now from those areas and see what happens when the stakes aren’t so high. 24:41 THE CRUX OF THE HELICOPTER PARENTING We want to protect our kids from hard feelings. Lynn gives examples of moms who won’t buy a pet so her daughter won’t have to grieve for it when it dies. Her "Mr. Rogers Talk" is referenced. Watch it here. Lynn outlines the key parenting habit that is a predictor of anxiety disorders developing in children. 28:26 HOMEWORK FOR PARENTS Lynn gives parents to some homework to think about and some language to use with their kids. We suggest you join the Facebook group so you can submit questions for future episodes. A full transcript is available on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You've finally gotten your little one to stop asking you to wipe his bum. Or you've finally gotten your teenager to be able to handle things without huge emotional disruptions. And now, the behaviors are back. Parents, that's called regression. It's a normal part of development. It's normal under the most usual of circumstances. And it's certainly normal during this time of pandemic parenting. 1:28 WHY WE’RE SEEING SO MUCH CHILD REGRESSION NOW 3:49 REGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR SHOWS UP AT TIMES OF STRESS AND CHANGE Lynn references the book Touchpoints-Three to Six: Your Child's Behavioral and Emotional Development by T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua Sparrow 7:13 REGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IS LIKE COMFORT FOOD Robin references Susie Tallman's "I've Been Working on the Railroad" 10:15 LISTENER QUESTION Lynn answers a listener question about a 7-year-old boy who is now hitting and talking back, behavior that has happened since staying at home. 12:30 HYPO AND HYPER AROUSAL AND HOMEOSTASIS IN CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOR 16:37 WHY EVERYONE FEELS OUR OF GAS 22:00 LISTENER QUESTION #2 Speech regression and stuttering in a 3-year-old boy. Mom wonders if this new behavior is related to being stuck at home. 25:45 REGRESSION TEENS AND TWEENS Join the Facebook group where you can submit questions for future episodes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As states try and determine the safest schedules to reopen businesses and schools, parents will want to think about an eventual transition back to normal and which family quarantine habits will be tough to break. We didn't have time to prepare when we were thrown into this traumatic change, but we can prepare for our journey out. Full transcript available on our website. 1:37 Lynn identifies the importance of bringing back structure, chores, and sleep routines to assist children, and 8:40 She shares how teens might even angrier and more withdrawn more and what to do about it. We discuss this internet device to set screen limits. You can use our affiliate link for $20 off. 10:58 We discuss Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig doing a great lip sync duet to “Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now” from the movie Skeleton Twins. The scene will make parents of teens feel validated. 17:55 Lynn asks what we are seeing in our families and how has this increased stress manifested in your family patterns. Who is being more rigid? Blaming? Emotive? Withdrawn? How can this experience be a teacher showing areas of family behavior that can shift. 25:15 We discuss how the pandemic brought some powerful revelations, like "It took a pandemic to make me realize blank." Lynn references Jill Bolte Taylor's book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parents must attempt to manage their emotions in front of their kids. Lynn talks about how to handle powerful moments of anger and panic in an an ideal way as well as how to conclude unintentional emotional outbursts in a positive way to model emotional literacy for your kids. What is emotional vomiting and why it is a destructive habit. We also talk about the trap of unhealthy reassurance, even when the Hogwarts ride breaks down at the Harry Potter theme park. Lynn outlines the list of behaviors that should always be off limits at home, too, around physical behavior and language. Full transcript available on our site. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What important family event are you missing out on? All of these events, these milestones, these celebrations, they’re being canceled and postponed. And it’s not just the actual event. It’s all the fun, the excitement, all the preparation, all the anticipation. In this episode, we find silver linings in ways to teach our kids critical life skills in adaptability and managing disappointment. We talk about why to put those perfection issues on the brakes and how to focus on creativity, silliness, and connection. 1:35 FEAR OF MISSING OUT VS. MISSING OUT Lynn talks about all of the ritual that we are missing that mark birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, and births. Lynn talks about how to be empathic for everyone missing out but still figure out a way to mark the celebration and give meaning to it. 3:20 MARKING MILESTONES Lynn suggests a way to acknowledge a milestone by changing something in the house or a family behavior or privilege when social gatherings can’t take place. 6:07 THE ROLE OF FLEXIBILITY Lynn explains why flexibility is so critical to manage anxiety. Anxiety want rigidity. Lynn challenges the commonplace advice of our need for structure right now. These new conditions are an opportunity to increase our kids’ skills in being adaptive and managing disappointment. 7:30 MANAGING DISAPPOINTMENT Teaching our kids that things are bigger than they are and to manage disappointment can be a positive outcome of our social isolation. Life will be filled with disappointments and learning to adapt well to it is an important skill. 10:58 THE ROLE OF SOCIAL MEDIA Lynn talks about the dangers social media can play now in making a parenting competition of how families are celebrating kids birthdays, for example. She warns that social media doesn’t foster social connection, but social comparison. 14:05 PROTECT JOY AND CREATIVITY Focusing on creativity and silliness are balms for anxious states. Indulge in the creative work of others being shared online instead. 15:02 PERFECTION ISSUES Lynn advises those with perfection issues to realize a pandemic is no time for striving for perfection. She advises those to use it as a time to work on authenticity and vulnerability. Perfection is a joy smusher, too, and it interferes with your ability to connect. 18:44 A HUMBLING MOMENT FOR LYNN Lynn talks about how great it is to have her two college-aged sons home from college now and how much laughter there is. I ask her to imagine these circumstances when her boys were both under the age of 8. 19:18 FACEBOOK GROUP AND NEXT EPISODES Thanks for listening and join the Facebook group for the podcast if you’d like to submit topics for us to talk about. We’re looking at all of that stuff coming in! We discuss upcoming topics we’re planning on family sleep, regression, and losing it in front of your kids. Full Transcript here. Show music is "First Little Steps" by Peter McIsaac Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

0:05 THE STUCK-IN-THE-HOUSE PARENT We’ve got stay-at-home parents; we’ve got working full-time parents. We have entered into a new category of parenting. This is the stuck-in-the-house parent. This is our first episode ofA Mom’s Retreat podcast with Lynn Lyons (my sister-in-law). This podcast has stepped in to take the place of in person parenting retreats we began in the fall. Lynn explains why we feel like we are riding a new emotional rollercoaster, and why we feel so exhausted, as our brains are working overtime to absorb our new life conditions. She compares this time’s mental and emotional drain to having a newborn at home for the first time. 3:27 CATASTROPHIC LANGUAGE Lynn asks that we pay attention to the undeniable anxiety we feel and to avoid patterns of catastrophic language in front of our children. 4:47 DAVID BARLOW She references David Barlow who defined anxiety as an overestimation of a problem and an underestimation of your resources to deal with it but shares we are in the opposite of an underestimation of the problem with an overestimation of our resources. 6:13 CATASTROPHIC PARENTING Lynn validates that we have reason to be worried. We have reason to feel uncertain, we have reason to feel as if we’re off our kilter a little bit. Lynn gives guidance on communicating uncertainty reasonably and catastrophically with our children. 8:09 KEEPING YOUR COOL AND THE POWER OF SILLINESS Lynn talks about taking a reset or a reboot. She explains what she means be learning to be vanilla ice cream for your kids. Silliness and doing things that are unexpected are a great way to shift the emotional tone in your family. Lynn gives examples of how consciously injecting play can rebalance both parents and comfort children and gives examples how. Lynn talks about her own childhood memories of her parents doing the twist in the kitchen to At the Hop albums. 15:15 SLOWING DOWN IN SOCIAL DISTANCING We talk about the gifts that can come from this chapter with more time together at home when children’s schedules are lighter. Lynn encourages us to fill this time as a family with more play in a way that doesn’t feel like an additional chore for parents. Lynn’s book Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents has several examples at the end of every chapter of ways to be silly, inject surprise, and make family time more playful as a practice. She discusses the power of external connection among our family and friends to stave of the anxious and depressive patterns we are vulnerable to right now by stating in an internal state. 18:06 OUTRO So, thanks for joining us on this first episode of A Mom’s Retreat. You are not alone in this. Join us next episode as we discuss the milestones we are missing. We are all in this together. The purpose of this is for us to feel connected, validated, and supported. Robin Producer of A Mom’s Retreat A full transcript is available on our website. Our show music is “First Little Steps” by Peter McIsaac. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, This is Lynn Lyons, and I’m a psychotherapist focusing on anxiety and families. I’ve been in practice for close to 30 years and have traveled the world speaking to thousands of parents about how to best manage anxiety. Even prior to 2020’s unprecedented events, anxiety has been impacting more and more families. Now, we all face uncertainty that fuels worry. As parents, we’ll need to up our game in order to raise resilient children and navigate what’s ahead of us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices