Florida Woman

WHEW strap in for an ADHD scumfest. We say nasty things about nasty stuff.

We're back at it. Just as Milton makes landfall. Would you rather be a healthy, 27 year old torso with no arms or legs, or a deaf, blind, fully intact 99 year old?https://www.wisn.com/article/missing-milwaukee-woman-found-safe-in-florida-returns-home/62405795https://www.nwfdailynews.com/story/lifestyle/things-to-do/destin/2019/09/25/florida-woman-bites-testicles-of-600-pound-camel/2699086007/https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-drunkenly-bites-mans-fishing-line-swims-away-with-lure-police-sayhttps://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2023/09/20/florida-woman-86-accused-of-stealing-over-10k-from-99-year-old-blind-deaf-man/https://www.instagram.com/hypeandhiphop/p/C-Y3uBESF9b/?hl=en&img_index=2

Would YOU drive 100mph with three children in the backseat to get your GF to her taco bell job interview???https://nypost.com/2023/03/23/florida-man-drives-100-mph-to-get-girlfriend-to-taco-bell-interview/https://myq105.com/2023/08/25/a-florida-mans-t-shirt-choice-probably-wont-help-with-his-dui-case/https://fortune.com/2023/10/21/florida-man-guilty-murdering-wife-zombie-house-flipping-reality-tv-show/https://www.tampabay.com/nation-world/florida-man-tries-to-bring-a-non-working-grenade-on-an-airplane-20190305/https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13052845/drunk-man-naked-florida-airport-terminal.htmlhttps://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-accused-of-stabbing-friend-with-samurai-sword-over-xboxhttps://nypost.com/2024/02/02/metro/florida-ex-nyc-medical-examiner-accused-of-stealing-from-dead-people/https://nypost.com/2024/03/02/us-news/florida-man-trafficked-thousands-of-turtles-worth-125k-to-hong-kong-germany/https://abc3340.com/news/nation-world/non-tipping-customer-slapped-spat-on-for-not-throwing-money-at-employees-florida-bar-victoria-jones-charged-body-talk-sports-port-st-lucie-sheriffs-office-report-surveillance-video-accounthttps://www.fox35orlando.com/news/drunk-naked-florida-woman-wielding-peeler-knife-barges-into-racetrac-threatens-to-kill-staff-deputies

Why do Montenegrins keep a chair next to their beds? So they can take a rest after they wake up.https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-allegedly-takes-stolen-amazon-van-on-20-mile-joyride-is-your-package-latehttps://news.yahoo.com/doctors-remove-150-live-bugs-234435817.htmlhttps://6abc.com/coat-hanger-medical-procedure-animal-cruelty-dogs/3114873/https://www.ice.gov/news/releases/florida-woman-pleads-guilty-conspiracy-create-distribute-animal-crush-videoshttps://www.cnn.com/2022/02/20/us/florida-woman-charged-with-stabbing-husband-140-times/index.htmlhttps://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/21/us/sandhole-florida-death-beach.htmlhttps://news.yahoo.com/florida-woman-missing-spain-taken-090052280.html

Imagine being executed by a Beachcraft Bonanza. This is a prompt. Imagine it.SOURCES:https://wflanews.iheart.com/featured/the-ryan-gorman-show/content/2023-02-02-florida-man-bites-head-off-girlfriends-python-during-domestic-dispute/https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2024/01/29/florida-man-loses-50000-in-accidental-text-romance-scheme/https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2024/01/25/florida-man-accused-in-fatal-triple-shooting-after-trying-to-date-his-own-daughter/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/01/us/plane-crash-florida-mobile-home-park.htmlhttps://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article284910462.htmlhttps://www.businessinsider.com/frontier-passenger-pulled-down-underwear-squatted-in-aisle-affidavit-2024-1https://nypost.com/2024/01/20/news/florida-politician-stabs-daughter-husband-believing-they-were-the-devil/https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/elderly-woman-arrested-florida/https://wpde.com/news/nation-world/sting-uncovers-toothless-scheme-3-women-arrested-miami-dade-and-brow-ard-counties-avocado-grill-on-datura-street-west-palm-beach-police-department-ann-sherry-miller-mother-daughter-pair-named-mary-steimberg-sheila-angelina-miller-bogus-9000-billhttps://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article284910462.html

Full episode available at : patreon.com/floridawomanpodRose Marks ran the most successful Gypsy fortune telling scam in history, with earnings totalling close to 40 MILLION dollars, and she reached the peak of her riches in our beloved Sunshine State. Wait, are you allowed to say Gypsy on the air?

I don't believe in anything. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/30/us/conjuring-spirits-in-florida.htmlhttps://nypost.com/2023/12/02/news/florida-woman-alyssa-ann-zinger-posed-as-teen-to-molest-middle-schoolers-police/https://www.fox13news.com/news/wander-franco-investigation-rays-shortstops-message-to-alleged-14-year-old-victim-revealedhttps://nypost.com/2023/12/24/news/overwhelmed-florida-woman-arrested-after-309-animals-seized-from-her-mobile-home-with-lethal-levels-of-ammonia-inside/https://nypost.com/2024/01/04/news/florida-man-sues-dunkin-donuts-over-traumatic-toilet-explosion/https://www.fox13news.com/news/florida-man-throws-beer-can-fires-ar-15-rifle-after-being-upset-by-drivers-speeding-in-his-neighborhood-pcsohttps://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-with-underwear-around-his-neck-accused-of-prowling-in-same-yard-as-reported-bonsai-tree-theft

Available now at patreon.com/floridawomanpodDid you know a small Florida Panhandle town is home to one of the most famous string of UFO sightings in history? Hundreds of witnesses corroborated Ed Walters' sightings, but it all came crashing down. Join our patreon to listen to this deep dive!Also, unrelated, I need the skunk ape to sit on my face. That's just a need of mine.Also apparently there was a shapeshifting alien at the Bayview Mall in Miami last week. True story.

We're back on our bullshit. New Merch: https://www.nathanesimpson.com/store-1Sources:https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ron-desantis-collapse-trump_n_658ca832e4b014ec45a31537https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/florida-man-known-monkey-whisperer-arrested-illegally-selling-primates/2JXFDADYOFETJIHRYKRAJGIZVY/https://nypost.com/2024/01/01/news/florida-man-makes-dirt-angels-while-hiding-from-cops-following-car-crash-bizarre-video-shows/https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/man-allegedly-beats-roommates-raccoon-man-takes-fl-officers-taser-fl-business-partners-kill-each-otherhttps://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2022/01/05/74-year-old-florida-man-on-electric-scooter-threatened-chased-2-with-knife-police-say/https://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/2023/11/03/rubber-bale-world-war-germans-sunken-ship-washes-up-florida-beach-indialantic/71421728007/https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/16/us/politics/moms-for-liberty-sex-scandal.html#:~:text=So%20when%20one%20of%20its,pressure%20for%20her%20to%20resignhttps://www.upi.com/Archives/1982/01/05/A-Florida-woman-accused-of-abducting-five-elderly-people/3996379054800/https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2021/01/06/florida-woman-accused-of-screaming-political-profanities-ringing-bell-at-5-am-each-day/https://www.957thehog.com/happy-florida-woman-is-first-mugshot-of-the-year-nominee/

We're going to guilt George Bailey into having sex with us. We'll lie to him and tell him we could solve all the money problems if he just did this one thinghttps://www.nasdaq.com/articles/the-10-most-overpriced-housing-markets-in-america-5-are-in-floridahttps://www.wdbo.com/news/local/florida-man-gets-caught-skipping-line-disney-world-claims-be-ucf-football-player/HTFRUDFSRNCUPMCYIGK3NRVTBM/https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-in-stolen-ambulance-leads-deputies-on-chase-straight-to-sheriffs-office-officials-sayhttps://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/drunk-man-molested-manatee-statue-threw-gator-nuggets-in-florida-restaurant-sheriff/3183431/https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex/causeway-couple-collared-803617https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-arrested-falsely-reporting-her-childrens-christmas-gifts-stolen-failed-grinch-like-plothttps://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-park-reports-birth-ultra-rare-white-leucistic-alligatorhttps://nypost.com/2023/12/07/news/watch-florida-bear-attacks-takes-off-with-reindeer-christmas-decoration/

Happy one week after thanksgiving, babes. We're still in FL. Shit's weird down here. https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-allegedly-stabs-boyfriend-eye-rabies-needles-looking-other-womenhttps://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/11/28/florida-woman-eat-counterfeit-money-walmart-arrest/71726508007/https://people.com/skull-found-in-florida-thrift-store-may-be-human-8387787https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/florida-man-who-dismembered-another-man-on-thanksgiving-shoots-himself-deputies/3169027/https://nypost.com/2023/11/27/news/suspect-accused-of-murdering-and-dismembering-man-kills-self/https://www.nydailynews.com/2023/11/24/florida-man-arrested-for-threatening-thanksgiving-mass-shooting-on-nyc-subway/https://nypost.com/2022/11/26/florida-man-jailed-after-woman-found-with-hatchet-wound/https://nypost.com/2019/11/28/masturbating-florida-man-slugs-elderly-man-who-asked-him-to-stop/

In which a drunken gentleman disrobes and engages in a physical altercation with law enforcement at Disney World, among other tantalizing tales of brutality and nonsense. Please, do enjoy.

Just a bit of friendly advice from our episode on the Gainesville Ripper, a serial killer who committed a series of unspeakable crimes in the early nineties on and near the University of Florida campus. Find the whole episode on Patreon.com/floridawomanpod

Happy Halloween, spookers, scarers, gobins and ghouls. Please enjoy our collection of morbid trash from the Sunshine State. Murder-suicide pacts, big cat maulings, the booty patrol, american flag suits, undercover slutting. SOURCES:https://www.cbsnews.com/miami/news/florida-man-paid-150-for-full-contact-experience-ended-up-mauled-by-leopard/https://atlantablackstar.com/2023/10/19/major-republican-donor-who-called-obama-racial-slur-dies/https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/13-year-old-allegedly-stabbed-mother-death-front-newborn-baby-charged-rcna122683https://old.reddit.com/r/florida/comments/17kakg1/is_florida_really_that_bad_now/https://old.reddit.com/r/florida/comments/17iel37/california_and_new_york_migrating_to_florida/

We discuss Disney World's most titanic wedgie and the lawsuit which followed. We discuss Matt Gaetz's hijinks in the House, Desantis wringing FL citizens for all they're worth, armed showdowns between Pop Warner parents, dick-pill Walter White, grandmas doing hit-and-runs, Italian Bitches, Anthrax, and of course, the source of all of Florida's problems: the Ghosts. Please enjoy. SOURCES:https://www.nytimes.com/2001/10/06/us/florida-man-dies-of-rare-form-of-anthrax.htmlhttps://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2023/10/04/florida-man-flaunts-gun-at-sons-pop-warner-game-in-leesburg-police-say/https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2023/10/03/florida-man-faces-charges-in-villages-black-market-erectile-dysfunction-drug-case/https://www.politico.com/news/2023/10/04/whats-next-for-matt-gaetz-00120035https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/09/desantis-why-i-enjoy-denying-health-care-to-poor-floridians.htmlhttps://old.reddit.com/r/florida/comments/16x9xw1/why_is_everyone_so_angry_in_this_state/https://nypost.com/2023/10/04/new-york-retiree-linda-marie-caccese-arrested-for-beating-florida-man/https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/hit-and-run-victim-takes-2-mile-ride-on-car-hood-after-woman-tries-to-flee-crash-at-50-mph-deputies-sayhttps://www.wesh.com/article/florida-woman-killed-alligator-sabrina-peckham/45319459https://www.nytimes.com/2023/10/03/business/disney-world-kowabunga-water-slide-lawsuit.html

We got rabies, we got people using babies for sport. We got guys throwing dudes off bridges. We got gigantic monster dinosaur gators chomping people in half. We got a shootout over tree-trimming. And then Nate tries clumsily to explain how Florida is the Freudian Death Drive of the national psyche. It's true. Think about it. Join us!SOURCES:https://old.reddit.com/r/florida/comments/16qykvt/has_florida_really_gotten_that_bad/https://old.reddit.com/r/florida/comments/16peja8/its_been_30_days_since_school_started_and_my/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupio_dissolvihttps://nypost.com/2023/09/26/man-is-bitten-by-rabid-otter-41-times-while-feeding-ducks/tampabay.com/news/publicsafety/florida-man-throws-bicycle-then-other-man-off-bridge-20180925/https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/09/19/florida-man-shoots-neighbor-tree-trimming/70898516007/https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/heres-the-minimum-annual-income-required-to-be-middle-class-in-florida-new-studyhttps://baynews9.com/fl/tampa/news/2023/09/22/pinellas-county-sheriff-s-office-investigating-death-in-largohttps://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/human-body-found-in-the-mouth-of-14-foot-florida-alligator/https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-woman-arrested-leaving-son-11-hotel-room-dead-man-following-menage-a-trois-2-menhttps://www.wptv.com/2-women-arrested-for-tossing-baby-back-and-forth-like-a-toy

We got breastfeeding men, hijacked bulldozers, boy moms, chum play, airborne chemicals, Metaverse education, conspiracy theories, nerd rage, ring cameras and more. Let's go!https://www.newyorker.com/news/annals-of-education/virtual-reality-school-as-the-ultimate-school-choicehttps://nypost.com/2023/09/14/florida-man-jesse-smith-steals-excavator-crashes-into-walmart/https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/27/us/florida-neighbor-chemical-agent.htmlhttps://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/08/25/chemistry-phd-student-injected-chemicals-upstairs-neighbors-home-watch/70679527007/https://www.binnews.com/content/2023-09-12-florida-woman-admits-shes-addicted-to-breastfeeding-her-husband/https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-woman-jumps-in-water-to-meet-sharks-while-leaving-2-year-old-alone-in-running-car-deputieshttps://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-goes-missing-on-carnival-ship

Real grab bag of Florida nonsense this week, guys. We try not to wake the child as we discuss the nazis in Orlando, the criminality of Nissan Altima drivers, alcoholic black bears, problematic assemblies, rolex theft, and more. Fuck yeah let's goSOURCES:https://www.adl.org/sites/default/files/documents/assets/pdf/combating-hate/ExtremismFloridaINSIDE.pdfhttps://nypost.com/2022/09/08/florida-man-randy-austerman-arrested-after-pulling-3-foot-sword-on-cops/https://www.orlandoweekly.com/news/florida-man-tased-for-twerking-during-rainy-traffic-stop-29950239https://nypost.com/2023/09/06/man-killed-us-parents-who-saved-him-from-ukrainian-orphanage-cops/https://nypost.com/2023/08/28/teacher-kayla-lemieux-seen-in-new-pic-with-z-cup-fake-boobs/https://www.wesh.com/article/bunnell-elementary-principal-resigns/45034162https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/09/06/new-south-florida-resident-falls-for-old-trick-beautiful-woman-he-met-at-hard-rock-took-rolex/https://www.today.com/food/news/3-legged-bear-tripod-white-claws-rcna103772

We did it babes, it's our ONE HUNDREDTH EPISODE!! Thanks to each and every one of our listeners for coming along with us on this lurid, hateful journey. We love you guys. Patreon.com/floridawomanpodSOURCES:https://www.businessinsider.com/nfl-rosters-by-state-2016-9https://nflcommunications.com/Pages/Saint-Thomas-Aquinas-High-School-of-Fort-Lauderdale-Has-Most-NFL-Players--.aspxhttps://www.thedailybeast.com/be-likable-ron-plane-flies-overhead-desantis-at-iowa-fairhttps://winknews.com/2023/08/21/florida-woman-accused-of-spiking-drinks-with-roach-spray/https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2023/08/23/florida-womans-finger-severed-in-library-drop-box/https://nypost.com/2023/07/27/florida-women-arrested-after-wild-brawl-one-bit-the-others-ear-off/https://www.instagram.com/mugshawtys/?hl=enhttps://www.tampabay.com/news/florida-politics/2023/08/07/desantis-housing-investigation-florida-affordable/https://nbc-2.com/nbc-2-wbbh/2018/08/24/florida-man-threatens-co-worker-with-box-cutter-in-argument-about-christian-music/https://www.local10.com/news/florida/2023/08/23/man-holding-wild-dolphin-on-florida-beach-sparks-outrage-prompts-investigation/https://nypost.com/2023/08/23/florida-man-caught-on-video-stealing-11k-of-food-from-restaurant/https://www.fox23.com/news/trending/florida-man-threatened-employees-with-gun-when-chicken-wings-order-was-late-police-say/article_e94cedff-0711-5fb5-9d1f-da907a980b4d.html

Full Episode available at Patreon.com/floridawomanpodIn 1997, the Aisenberg Family of Valrico FL woke up on an otherwise typical morning to the worst nightmare imaginable to young parents: the disappearance of their 5 month old baby, Sabrina. What happened? Who did it? Where is she? What's going on?