Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri

I’m very pleased to see the menopause is being discussed more that it ever was. It does, after all, potentially affect a great many of us: directly and by proxy.About fifteen years ago, I wanted to write an article for the Guardian about it but kept hitting not so much brick walls as cul de sacs. The questions I was asking kept coming back with “we don’t really know” answers. As you’ll see from this podcast there are still a lot of unknowns. But what I do talk about in this episode on the Menopause brain with Dr Sophie Behrman is about what we do know is happening in the brain: the rewiring that goes on that can make women feel unsure and anxious, the effects of dropping levels of hormones and the subsequent effect on the GABA and glutamate system of the brain.Sophie is a general adult psychiatrist who works in a community mental health team in Oxford and has set up an NHS menopause and menstrual disorders clinic, open to women who fit a certain criteria. Sophie is a member of the Royal College of Psychiatrists’ Menopause Working party and is currently doing research into suicidality and the perimenopause. She’s also edited a book for the Royal College of Psychiatrists called “Menopause, Menstrual Cycles and Mental Health” which will be published by Cambridge University Press in 2026. Do look out for it.Thanks again to Emily Tammam for the idea for this podcast and the introduction to Dr Sophie Behrman.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the spring of 2020, I got a letter. It was, quite possibly, the worse letter I’ve ever got and I’ve had a few. It was full of bile and unhappiness, unfair and harsh. I recognised immediately that the letter writer was talking about herself and projecting onto me but that didn’t stop it hurting because I realised in that moment that the letter writer would never accept responsibility for her own behaviour and always make it someone else’s fault: primarily mine. So I decided to move out of her way so that, hopefully, her beam of dissatisfaction with life could be aimed elsewhere. Projection is a defence mechanism. It’s used when people cannot bear certain aspects of themselves and project them onto others. We all do it to a degree (none of us is perfect!) but some people do it habitually and without ever looking at their own place in things. It’s the subject of this podcast where I talk to psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke about what exactly it is, how to recognise it and how to deflect it so that each person deals with their own behaviour. If you’ve ever left a meeting with someone feeling utterly drained and crap about yourself the chances are that person is projecting something not-positive onto you. You’re going to love this podcast, and I hope you find it fabulously useful in every day life.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Claudia Hammond is an award-winning author and broadcaster. Listeners may recognise her name and voice from her Radio Four programme All in the Mind, or Health Check on the BBC’s World Service. Claudia is Radio’s Four ‘voice of psychology’ and Visiting Professor Of The Public Understanding of Psychology at the University of Sussex.Claudia’s sixth book is Overwhelmed, Ways to Take The Pressure Off which came out in January 2026. Side note that there’s also an audio book narrated by Claudia which is beautiful to listen to.So what’s the book, and this podcast, about? It’s for those of us who have too many browser windows open in our heads, a feeling I’m sure many of us will identify with. Are To-Do lists a good idea? Why is rest important? How much doom-scrolling is permissible is okay? What can you do if you feel overwhelmed (isn’t that all of us at some point?).Claudia brings lots of (fascinating) evidence based research to help us develop very practical strategies on how to maybe close some of those browser windows, or at least ignore them for a bit.This is the last episode in Series 11. Series 12 will come out in the spring and we’ve already started recording and I’m very excited about it!If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to E3 of S11 of Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri.This one is a bit of a potentially scary subject: facing fate. But I’m here to hold your hand through it.I’ve certainly had to do my fair share of facing up to fate in the last year and when Andrew Balfour contacted me telling me about his book Life and Death, Our Relationship with Ageing, Dementia and Other Fates of Time, I rather jumped on it.There’s a lot of fear about getting older, but then there’s also a lot of fear about not getting older, ie dying. And with increasing rates of dementia, people are also terrified of getting older and losing capacity.Given that death and ageing of some form is a given why do we fear it so? It’s probably about loss of control, a vulnerability that none of us want and maybe having to rely on people around us. Who wouldn’t be scared. But, we want to help you think about these things in a calm way and maybe get some coping mechanisms. So, in this episode we talk about why we’re so afraid of getting older and dying and why that might affect some people more than others (perhaps not surprisingly, early life has something to do with it). Make yourself a comforting drink and have a listen.Andrew Balfour is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, he was clinical director of Tavistock Relationships and is now its Chief Executive.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Series 11 and episode 3. What are BFRBs? It's picking, biting or pulling, skin, nails or hair or Body Focused Repetitive Behaviours.Here I’m in conversation with Professor Clare Mackay, Professor of Neuroscience at the University of Oxford.Professor Mackay has spent over thirty years studying the structure and function of the human brain. In 2023 she turned her attention to a disorder she’d been living with for most of her life: hair pulling, which comes under the umbrella of BFRBS.BFRBs are often done unconsciously at first and, as we’ll learn, are a throw back to primate grooming behaviour gone a bit awry. Most of us do have some BFRBs, we may pick the skin around our nails, or bite our nails or even become fixated with plucking that stray hair, but it’s when it goes into overdrive that it can become a problem.In this episode we find out about a fascinating neuron which surrounds every hair follicle called the CT fibre, which, when stimulated (stroked etc) by someone we trust releases endorphins. This is why we love having our hair or skin stroked or touched (or those fabulous head massages!).If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.So, could BFRBs be a misfire with this neuron? We discuss this and talk in depth about what BFRBs are, what they’re not, how to deal with them if you suffer from them and there’s some really useful advice for parents with children with BFRBs.Clare’s written a fascinating book called Keep your Hair on, which is published on April 2nd 2026.I hope you enjoy this fascinating episode and with grateful thanks to Emily Tammam for the suggestion.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here is episode 1 of Series 11 of my podcast: Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri. I’ve long been fascinated with the idea of good enough, not only in mothering but, actually, for so many things. We tend to live in a world of extremes now: things are amazing or awful. Yet most of us live in the ordinary, the ‘enough’. In this episode chartered clinical and counselling psychologist,  psychoanalyst and a fellow of the British Psychoanalytical Society Professor Alessandra Lemma and I discuss what it is to be a good enough mother, a phrase coined by the the paediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott in the 1950s. We talk about what might matter and what really doesn’t, and it might not be what you think.Perhaps it will trigger your own memories of childhood and you can ponder on what really did matter.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (current rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One of the things I've noticed in recent years is the rise of anxiety in the young. What do I mean by young? Around secondary school age 11-18/19. It's not, as I say in this episode, that younger children don't get anxious, or that older adults don't - we know they do. But this is the age they start writing in to me at The Guardian with their worries about anxiety. Adolescence, as has been discussed in previous episodes (see The Teenage Brain with Rachel Melville-Thomas) is a very particular time with brain development in overdrive, starting to separate out from your parents and family (a necessary developmental stage) and, well, life. There's a lot to think about and worry about. But there's also a lot to look forward to.In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist Alison Roy about why our young people may be anxious and what we can do about it. In the paid version on Substack (see below) there is a second part to this podcast, where I interview my youngest and she gives us a teen-eyed view of anxiety which I think is fascinating.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is quite heavy on the neuroscience, which is one of my favourite subjects and it was recorded in person, in Oxford. I'm in conversation is with Professor Morten Kringelbach, Professor of Neuroscience at Oxford University, director of the centre for Eudaimonia and Human Flourishing, a fellow of Linacre College and Professor of Neuroscience at Aarhus university in Denmark.I first met Morten in 2024 when I went to Oxford to interview him for a piece I was writing for the Guardian on Anhedonia, which is the inability to feel pleasure, which you can read here.Professor Kringelbach and I talk about what joy is, why it matters, what brings us most joy and why seeking pleasure for the sake of it is often a road to displeasure and addiction. We also touch on depression and psychedelics. Real, proper, lasting joy doesn’t really exist by itself, it has to have context and that context often means other people. And to experience real joy in life we need a purpose. I ended my anhedonia piece saying something I discovered like a bolt of lightning researching it and I stand by it: the meaning of life is that it has to have meaning. That’s really the root of finding joy. You can learn more about Professor Kringelbach and his work here.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As the years have gone by I've noticed a real shift in the sort of problems I get and friendship is a subject which is rearing its head again and again now. From young people to old the question is: how do I make friends? Making friends at school may not seem natural but you are forced together with others of the same age, giving you a natural pool from which to pick (although it may not seem like that). After institutionalised education, especially if you don't go on to university and work from home..people can start to feel adrift. Where do they start making friends? How? The truth is most people struggle with this as making friends, and keeping them, requires confidence and resolve and well, hard work. In this episode with regular conversationalist, Chris Mills, much to the joy of his fan club is back and we talk all manner of friendship.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The sibling podcast in series one remains the most listened to of all the Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri podcasts. So it seemed only right to re-visit this with a Sibling 2.0 episode. In this episode I’m in conversation with award winning radio presenter, producer and author, Catherine Carr. She’s writing a book about siblings to be published in spring of 2026 which is as yet untitled. Catherine reported for, and produced Woman's Hour for BBC Radio 4, before going freelance to make documentaries and podcasts.I’ve known her for a few years and find her weekly podcast called Where are you going, a fascinating snapshot of every day life.She’s worked on many other excellent projects including the podcast Relatively (which springboarded her Sibling book) which was all about the sibling relationship and last year she produced and presented a five part series about teenage boys for Radio 4 called About the Boys. Why are siblings so fascinating? In this episode we discuss favouritism, how siblings get given labels (the "sporty" one the "organised" one) from which they often find it hard to escape, why each sibling has its own unique history of growing up in the same family and...we also talk a little bit about only children. Plus lots more. It's a really fascinating listen. If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode Lucy and I discuss how to do hard things, such as face adversity. Much as we all like to believe in an Enid Blyton [insert whichever imaginary world brought you comfort as a child] world the reality is often very different. We talk about Professor Lucy Easthope's new book: Come What May, Life-Changing Lessons for Coping with Crisis which looks at this very subject. Lucy and I are also in conversation in previous podcasts talking about her book When The Dust Settles (and how to plan) and her very personal journey in the episode about Baby Loss.Lucy is the UK's leading authority on disaster recovery. She's been an advisor for pretty much every major disaster in the last 20 years. She has a degree in Law, a PhD in medicine, and a Master's in Risk Crisis and Disaster Management. She's a Visiting Professor in Mass Fatalities and Pandemics at the University of Bath and a Research Associate at the Joint Center for Disaster Research at Massey University in New Zealand.Here we talk about how to face up to difficult times, when telling the truth is necessary and healing but also when to use the Good Lie. Lucy uses her considerable experience in helping us to cope with crises big and small.If you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back! This is episode 1 of Series 10. Here I'm in conversation with UKCP registered psychotherapist and author Julia Bueno (who joined us in Series 4 talking about the Inner Critic, so do have a listen to that one, too).I get a lot of letters asking either 'should I have a/nother baby' full stop or 'I want one/another one but my partner doesn't'. Julia and I explore what issues come up around this question, what those issues can tell you about yourself, your partner and your relationship and how to go about dealing with them. We also explore going it alone - and whilst we can't tell you what to do, we suggest questions you can ask yourself and things to think about that may help you get there. It's a huge question and one that deserves a lot of thought.Julia has a particular interest in our reproductive lives, her first book The Bring of Being explored the varied experiences of miscarriage. Her second book was called Everyone’s a Critic and explored our own self criticism.  Find out more about her: juliabueno.co.uk, Instagram: @julia_bueno_therapist.Everyone’s A CriticThe Brink of BeingIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 (2025 rates) a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This podcast was inspired by Graham Music's book of the same name, Womb Life which is the best book on pregnancy I've ever read.Graham and I talk about the secret life of twins in the womb and how their observed behaviour (via ultra sound) can translate to life outside the womb, too. Why did one little boy shake all his toys? What was he looking for? Do babies really cry in the womb? We find out in this episode.What can affect a foetus? How much does stress and nutrition matter? Does it matter if your grandmother was stressed whilst she was pregnant with one of your parents?How and why do some of the baby's cells end up in the mother way after birth?I found this a fascinating episode and Graham's book (which is a strong recommend) goes into even more detail and scientific research.If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free. Plus subscriber exclusive newsletters.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Find out more about Graham and buy his books: https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this, the penultimate episode of Series 9, I talk to UKCP accredited psychotherapist Lisa Bruton who is also a guest tutor at the University of Oxford. We talk about the Parentified Child. Which is? A child who has been given too much responsibility - either physical or emotional - too young. The impact of this is interesting. Do you often find yourself being the most responsible person in the room? Do people look to you for advice (ahem) and guidance? It may be because you are used to performing this role, from way too young. Parentified children can grow up to be exhausted adults. Who looks after them? And why the phrase "my child is my best friend" gives Bruton and I pause.In this episode we look at what exactly being a parentified child looks and feels like, from both the child and adult’s POV. What you can do if you recognise yourself as one and how to avoid doing that to your own children. More about Lisa here: https://www.lisabruton.comIf you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free. Plus subscriber exclusive newsletters.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, an idea suggested by my conversationalist, clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal, we explore the big, painful emotion of loss.We tend to body swerve feeling or thinking about loss, and who can blame us? It hurts, it’s horrible. But loss is essential to growth - think of a snake shedding its skin. In order to go onto the next stage we need to leave the one we’re at.But there’s normal loss such as leaving school or a job, and traumatic loss where everything comes at once, like an unexpected or early death or devastating news. This takes far longer to process. Note: process not get over.The loss I’ve noticed most people don’t want to talk about is death, dying, illness and the accompanying grief and yet, as Dr B tells us, if it’s managed ‘well’ post traumatic growth can be rich. But where would loss be without hope? There has to be hope to make loss’s losses easier to bear. Have a listen and be kind to yourself if you find this tough.If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a Substacker: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/. From £5 a month or £50 a year you'll get access to all new podcasts as soon as they are available and before general release and ad-free. Plus subscriber exclusive newsletters.You can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Increasingly I get asked this question a lot in my Guardian column. Not from a financial POV but the 'should I retire and what will life be like afterwards?' question. Welcome to episode 3 in this series. It's all about a word that has rather negative associations- retirement - but after listening to this hopefully you'll look at it differently.Once upon a time when we retired was dictated by our work place and/or pensions. Or people were so exhausted by their physically demanding jobs they were totally spent by the time they got to 55. But things have changed. The state pension age has shifted upwards in the UK and for more people it's now a choice. Work can define many of us, so what happens when work stops? Chris Mills, a regular conversationalist and guest in my Guardian column, casts a beautiful new light on what retirement might look like and why we might consider it. Lots to think about here even if you're nowhere near retirement age. I hope you enjoy it!Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to episode 2 of Series 9 (Series 9 will be released sporadically). Should We Move?This has always been a question I've been asked a lot via my Guardian column (and in real life) but after the pandemic it was a question that reached, dare I say it, epidemic proportions. It's a simple enough question but the reasoning behind it can really tell us a lot about ourselves. Many people move to get away from problems, not realising that the problems go with them. This is why a few well aimed questions are worth asking of yourself before you move.There are some very boring things to consider, too which we run through in this episode. Look out for anything that makes you feel defensive, either in this episode or when people mention certain things to you - those are the very issues you should be digging down into. I've known people who've maxed out their London homes to stretch themselves to buy a huge country pile - with no financial buffer. People who've moved to the middle of nowhere even though they can't drive. Or not considering schools/transport links/hospitals. These are the things that can make or break a successful move. I**************If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced: https://www.patreon.com/c/annalisabarbieriYou can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'd been wanting to do this podcast for a while. Professor Alessandra Lemma is one of the most experienced, and insightful, specialists I work with. Every word she shares is a gem. But Pr Lemma's diary is packed and so this took a while to organise. I hope you think it was worth it.The idea for this episode - the first in Series 9 - came to me last year but in reality, it had probably been bubbling away for some years. Alessandra and I were working on a problem for my Guardian column. The problem was from a reader who said that, despite them being an adult, they were still being body shamed by their parents for being overweight, this is sadly by no means an unusual problem to arrive on my desk. In our chat Alessandra said a line which stayed with me all of last year. It was this: you can’t delete developmental history it is always there even if you change the surface of the body. From this we went off topic a little, as my chats with my specialists sometimes, to talk about how - with some caveats - people who modified their bodies through things like cosmetic or plastic surgery, often didn’t feel happier because whatever developmental history that had led them to be unhappy with themselves, lay within then and beyond the reach of any sort of body modification. It got me thinking about how our body image is arrived at. Do we make it, or do others shape it? Why are so many people unhappy with they way they look? In this episode we look at how our body image is formed, who shapes it and how we can try to change our internal dialogue about it. A very useful listen, also, if you are a parent as we often help shape what our children feel about their bodies. **************If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced: https://www.patreon.com/c/annalisabarbieriYou can also support us by sharing this podcast far and wide, it's available wherever you listen to your podcasts. And leaving a review if you can. Thank you so much.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the last episode, episode six, in Series 8 and in it I talk to UKCP registered family and systemic psychotherapist and John Cavanagh who is also a registered mental health nurse. John specialises in child and adolescent mental health.Often children will manifest with a mental health problem that is indicative of what's going on in the family. We talk about this, what those problems might look like, why it's important to treat children as part of the family unit. John also talks us through the CAMHS system which I know some people find very difficult to navigate. We also talk about common adolescent and child problems and how to manage them if your child comes to you with them. Useful links we talk about in the podcast: YoungMinds | Mental Health Charity For Children And Young People | YoungMinds Information for 11-18 year olds on understanding CAMHS - Mind Stay Alive App: 'a suicide prevention app for the UK, packed full of resources, useful information, and tools to help you stay safe or help someone else'.StayAlive - Essential suicide prevention for everyday life CalmHarm (https://calmharm.co.uk/)DistrACT (https://www.expertselfcare.com/health-apps/distract/) NHS England » NHS Mental Health Apps Library to increase access to psychological therapies and help to improve mental health outcomes www.psychotherapy.org.uk (Registered psychotherapists search by specialism or area) www.aft.org.uk***************If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Very early on in my career as The Guardian's Agony Aunt the letters started coming in about family estrangements - the "should I cut X out of my life" style questions. Back then, cutting a family member out was anathema to me but over the years, i came to understand why some people sought it out. The thing is, cutting someone out is rarely the end of the problem. Sometimes it's only the beginning.In this episode I talk to long-time conversationalist psychotherapist Chris Mills about why some situations become so bad that estrangement seems like the only answer - indeed is it the only answer? What it can mean and how to try to build bridges after an estrangement (maybe one not of your making) if that's what feels right. If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is attachment and how does attachment theory different from the primary real-life attachment we learnt as babies? The two often get confused. In this episode I talk to child, adolescent and adult psychotherapist Dr Graham Music who has been described as "one of the most deep thinking child psychotherapists in the world."We talk about these differences, plus the concept of attachment which is how secure we feel with our primary care given and how our needs were met, and the impact that can have on our later life. Attachment is at the core of every letter I get, ergo every problem I think we come across in our daily lives. How we relate to others can very often lead back to our early attachment figures. Dr Graham Music is registered with the Association of Child Psychotherapists and the UKCP. He is also the author of some amazing books such as Respark, Nurturing Natures and Nurturing children. We talked together in Series 4 on How to Motivate Your Child.You can find out more about Graham from his website: https://nurturingnatures.co.uk/If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Forensic psychotherapy is psychotherapy with people who have committed criminal offences. In this episode I talk with clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal who is registered with the British Psychoanalytic Council and has over thirty years experience in treating people. Stephen started his professional life as a clinical psychologist in a secure unit with offenders. Stephen has also written a couple of books on forensic psychotherapy, the latest of which is called Assessing Risk, a Relationship Approach.I was in conversation with Stephen in Series 7, talking about shame, which would make a good companion listen to this one.In this episode we talk about what forensic psychotherapy is, what it can tell us about the person committing the crimes, as well as society in general and why talking groups, such as the one Stephen presides over, can radically diminish re-offending. All crime has a meaning. This would make a particularly interesting listen to those who are fascinated by true crime podcasts.If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Did you know that procrastination, risky behaviour, blaming others and even infidelity may be a sign of self-sabotage? There are a host of other symptoms, too. In this, episode 2 or Series 8, I discuss with psychotherapist Ryan Bennett-Clarke why we might self sabotage, what it tells us about ourselves and of course, what we can do about it. If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to series 8 of Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri. This episode was Professor Lucy Easthope's idea as it’s something she really wanted to talk about and I’m honoured she has trusted me with this delicate subject. In this episode Lucy talks openly about her very personal five baby losses by miscarriage. Lucy is Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the University of Durham and a Professor in Mass Fatalities at the University of Bath. She studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.Lucy is a UK Expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recovery and a world authority on these subjects. She works with governments, emergency services and communities and families who have been affected by disaster. She’s advised on almost every major disaster that’s happened in the last two decades.She is also the author of the best seller: When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. Her baby losses are talked about candidly throughout the book but in particular in Chapter Seven, Little Losses.Links listeners may find useful:https://www.tommys.org/https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/https://www.sands.org.uk/If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant. Art work by Lo Cole. Music by Toby Dunham.IG: @annalisabarbieriLinks to further work: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the final episode in Series 7. It's about birth trauma and I speak with journalist, author and CEO of The BTA, Kim Thomas.We talk about what birth trauma is, what can cause it (we do not go into graphic detail), how it can manifest and how to get help. We discuss the difference between Post Natal Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder brought on by birth trauma. We also discuss the impact of birth trauma on birthing partners.May 2024 update: Parliamentary report.Some organisations we talk about in the episode:The Birth Trauma Association.Kim Thomas's book on PTSD and Birth Trauma.Masic: https://masic.org.uk/about-masic/Magnolia midwives: https://www.instagram.com/magnoliamidwives/?hl=enDoula UK: https://doula.org.ukTommy's: https://www.tommys.orgNice Guidelines: https://www.nice.org.uk/guidanceRoyal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists: https://www.rcog.org.ukhttps://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/useful-contacts/If you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Produced by Hester Cant.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Interviewing Ryan Bennett-Clarke for my Guardian column - about something else entirely - we got talking about envy. And what he had to say fair blew my mind.What is envy? How does it differ from jealously? Where does it come from and how does it manifest? If you've ever left a person feeling like little bits of you have been taken away, well envy may be the answer. We talk about how envy feels, why people get jealous or envious, how it's on the rise with social media; and we also talk about some nifty ways to 'interrupt' envy. How to answer back to those barbs. I found this one of the most thought-provoking episodes I've ever done and I have to admit I looked at certain people in a different way. Dare I say this is life-changing? I think it might be.Ryan Bennett-Clarke, né Marjoram is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist. He has written two papers for The Journal of Psychodynamic Practice:The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part One - Theoryhttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039880 The Insidious Dance of Love and Hate: An examination of Envy and Greed in the Stalker-Victim Dynamic: Part Two - Clinical Applicationhttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14753634.2022.2039881  and you can read more about Ryan here:Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Although unresolved grief can hit us at any stage in our lives, this episode specifically talks about childhood bereavement and the impact it can have on adulthood. My guest is UKCP and BACP registered psychotherapist and researcher Mandy Gosling who, as we shall hear, has personal experience of early bereavement.An early bereavement can lodge - if not processed - and be carried into adult hood, manifesting as inability to hold down jobs or relationships, feelings of loneliness or depression (of course you can feel all these things without having been bereaved). Mandy talks about her personal experiences, how they impacted and how we can help children process grief and if that's now you as an adult, what you might consider doing to lighten your psychological load.You can learn more about Mandy and her work here: www.abcgrief.co.uk or www.mandygosling.co.uk Some useful bereavement websites:https://www.winstonswish.orghttps://www.childbereavementuk.orghttps://www.cruse.org.ukLet us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr Stephen Blumenthal returns (catch him in Series 2 talking about Intimacy and Trust in Series 5) and this time we're talking about shame. What it is, how it differs to humiliation and embarrassment or even guilt. Shame can make people act differently - either because they are avoiding shame or trying to cover up the shame they already feel. Where does shame come from? And why is some shame useful to society?If you’d like to learn more about Dr Blumenthal and his work you can do so at https://stephenblumenthal.com.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Professor Lucy Easthope is a UK expert and advisor on emergency planning and disaster recover. A world authority on recovery and disaster planning and its aftermath. She’s Professor of Practice of Risk and Hazard at the university of Durham and a professor in Mass Fatalities at the university of Bath.Lucy studied law at university and has a masters in disaster management and a pHD in medicine.In 2022 Lucy published a best selling book that talks a lot about her work and a little about her life called When the Dust Settles, Searching for Hope after disaster. It’s a must read and one that I recommend to all who will listen. If anyone knows about planning it’s Lucy and in this episode we talk about how she takes her incredible experience into every day life. Can we ever plan too much? Why is planning a good idea but how we should also leave a little room for spontaneity. Perhaps. And one of the most important take aways for me - look after the planner in the familyYou can find her website here: http://whatevernext.info/Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Where to die? Not everyone gets that choice but you or a loved one might and that choice may be to go home from a hospice or hospital or care home, or go into one. In this sensitively handled but hugely informative episode, I talk again to Dr Kathryn Mannix, palliative care doctor and author of two excellent books: With the End in Mind and Listen. We talk about what to think about: care, equipment, environment, all things that need to be carefully considered and weighed up. When my own mother was dying and she wanted to go home, I was tortured by what to do and doing the Right Thing. Dr Kathryn Mannix held my hand through this process and lessened some of the pain. Despite the subject matter we end the episode on a really poetic, positive takeaway from Kathryn which should soothe even the most troubled of souls.A few links we refer to and which you may find useful:https://eol-doula.uk/https://www.kathrynmannix.com/Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes. For £5 a month you get them as soon as they are produced.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Not what makes a relationship real vs fantasy or made up, but the nubbins of relationships, the reality. Many people seem unprepared for what a real relationship looks and feels like, and this might be because of how they are portrayed on TV and on social media where many times it's only the polar opposites which are show: either people talking about how fantastic their relationship is or how terrible. Real relationships are quite ordinary. But what should they be like? Is it okay to argue? When do you know if your relationship has tipped from 'real' to dysfunctional or even abusive? If relationships are such hard work why do we even bother to have them?Joanna Harrison is the author of an excellent book called Five Arguments All Couples Need To Have, but she was also a divorce lawyer in a former life, and is now a senior clinician at Tavistock Relationships and a consultant to parents and separating couples at the law firm Family Law in Partnership. You can read more about her and her work at joannaharrison.co.uk. She's on Instagram as @joannaharrisoncoupletherapy.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The in-laws, long the butt of jokes but in reality rich fodder for my Guardian mail bag. Of course, none of us think of ourselves as troublesome in-laws, but maybe we are? In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and CEO of the association for family therapy and systemic practise. Hannah has been a family and couples psychotherapist who has worked in the mental health service for thirty years. She’s also an associate professor at the university of exeter and deputy director of a clinical training department called CEDAR - clinical education development and research - that sits within the university’s psychology department.We talk about all the usual in-law problems, work out that three things seem to underpin them and I present my own theory.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Talking about suicide is never easy, yet it's essential. In this difficult episode both Dr Stubley and I bring personal experiences to the conversation in the hope that it might facilitate your own conversations.Dr Jo Stubley is a consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy and leads the adult section of the trauma service at the NHS Tavistock Centre. Jo is a member of the British Psychoanalytic Society. Regular listeners will recognise that Jo is a returning conversationalist - this is our third episode together. The first one, on trauma in series one, would make a good listening companion piece to this one. If you have suicidal feelings help is available: https://www.papyrus-uk.org and https://www.samaritans.orgLet us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do some people find it so hard to talk about money? And whilst it's not a romantic thing to bring up it's absolutely essential if you're thinking of buying a property with someone or moving in with someone. As Chris says if it's difficult to bring up at the beginning of the relationship it's a whole lot harder to bring up at the end when things may have gone wrong.A lot of the letters I get at the Guardian are about Wills and Will disputes and whilst it's about the money, Chris and I also look into what money can stand in for, what it represents and how it can reflect the value we put (or not) on ourselves.If this episode has tempted you to get a financial advisor the please make sure whomever you deal with is registered with the Financial Conduct Authority https://register.fca.org.uk/s/.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sibs is a charity which supports children and adults who grow up with a brother or sister with additional needs or a long term health condition. And Linda Owen is the rather brilliant, compassionate and informed (aptly) Information Officer for Sibs.A lot of the advice Linda gives can also be applied in a family which doesn’t have a child with these additional needs, and there’s a lot to learn here about sibling dynamics. But of course when a child does have additional needs the sibling can often get overlooked and their needs can feel - especially to them - as not important in the scheme of things. Linda talks about how to have conversations with your children, how to get support for them or for yourself. Note: as Linda explains we use the term sibling in this episode to denote the person who doesn’t have the additional needs, and the ones that do as brother or sister.A good companion episode to this one, is The Secrets of the Sibling Relationship with psychotherapist Nicole Addis in Series 1.The Sibs website: sibs.org.uk.Let us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to episode 1 of Series 6A good few years ago, I started becoming aware of a term I'd hitherto not really heard much before, outside of my classics lessons: narcissism. Aside from all the s's making it hard to pronounce, I started to notice that it became a catch-all for anyone who was selfish, self centred or vain. Everyone, it seemed, was being called a narcissist. I'm not a fan of overly labelling behaviours (for one it's so lazy) and I have a natural tendency to avoid terms that everyone else is using, but eventually even I couldn't ignore it any longer. This is when I called UK registered psychotherapist Mark Vahrmeyer in. Mark is writing a book about narcissism and in this episode we talk about what it is, and what it isn't. And how just possibly everyone has some narcissistic traits occasionally, but that doesn't make them a narcissist. Someone with true narcissistic behaviours actually has a wafer-thin self esteem and is very tiring to be around. Who'd be a narcissist? But also what about poor Echo, who often gets forgotten in the tale of Narcissus, typical to air brush a woman out of history.If you'd like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is at brightonandhovepsychotherapy.comLet us know if you feel this episode has brought up any thoughts, or if you have ideas for other episodes: [email protected] you'd like to support us you can leave a one off donation here: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriIf you'd like to listen to this episode, past or future ones, ad free then consider becoming a patron on Patreon, from just £3 a month. You also get early access to episodes.Thanks so much for listening and please remember to share with friends and if you feel able to, leave a review, it really helps.The producer is Hester Cant, the music is Toby Dunham and our artwork is by Lo Cole.IG: @annalisabarbieriAll links to pretty much everything else I do: linktr.ee/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A lot of people struggle with the toddler stage. Where have their lovely, compliant babies gone? I think it's got worse the later we leave parenthood and the more used we are to living in a world where we're (maybe) used to people doing as we ask.Toddlers don't give a damn about all that, and thank goodness. But it's not because they are difficult, they're growing, learning who they are, what the boundaries are and their brains are going through enormous growth. In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist Rachel Melville -Thomas about what's going on with toddlers and how we can help and support them. We learn about what's going on in a toddler's brain, how they learn to 'do' before they learn to 'explain', what techniques work and which don't. And what to do when a toddler tantrums. All to help you understand and support your toddler in a kind and effective manner.This episode concludes Series 5, but we're already lining up subjects for Series 6!Thanks for listening and supporting these episodes and please share as widely as you can. Don't forget to leave a review if you can!Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is not a subject many of us discuss is it? Birth plans, maybe, weddings, definitely, but we will all die and we all need a send off, however small and modest.This episode isn't really about planning your own funeral, although it can be of course (but as we'll see, don't be too prescriptive) but it's more that this potentially distressing subject - a funeral is the ultimate distress purchase - is important. Why? A good funeral is the start of grieving, it can help people come together to remember the person who has died.Because we don't tend to want to discuss funerals (although this is changing, thank goodness) it's very easy to just go with what your high street funeral director offers and not realise there can be another way. Do you know you don't even need to use a funeral director? Or not for all of it? You don't need a hearse, either, or a coffin, or you can make the coffin. There are various possibilities to make funerals more personal instead of, as Louise describes them 'templated'. We discuss woodland burials, the law around funerals (surprisingly few) and much more, including 'what's next' in terms of body disposal.I think a good funeral is one where, if the person who has died were to magically come alive, they wouldn't feel out of place. And a good funeral can be very healing for those left behind.Louise is a progressive funeral director and her London based company is called Poetic Endings. She is also the co-director of an award winning festival and community called Life, Death, Whatever which seeks to change how we talk about death and dying andLouise co-authored of an excellent book called We All Know How This Ends. And we do, don't we? Know how this ends. So let's start talking about it.Here are the links talked about in this episode.Josh’s funeral: https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/our-films/https://www.poetic-endings.com/when-someone-dieshttps://www.lifedeathwhatever.comhttps://www.goodfuneralguide.co.ukhttp://www.naturaldeath.org.ukhttps://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jan/06/it-was-an-incredibly-enriching-day-the-families-taking-control-of-deathMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The way labour and birth is depicted on film and TV has bugged me for some years and, I think, does little to make women feel empowered. This episode isn't about how or where to give birth - that's your choice - but we do talk about what happens in an uncomplicated vaginal birth.Amy is the Lead Research Midwife in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the university of Cambridge, and study coordinator for the Pregnancy Outcome Prediction Study 2 (POPS2). She's previously worked as a senior research midwife in the NHS, and as the Eastern Regions Champion Research Midwife for the NIHR. Amy received a Chief Midwifery Officer Silver Award in 2020 for her work in reproductive health and childbirth research.Amy has also been an independent midwife, which is when I met her as she delivered my second child.Birthrights is a great charity that helps you understand your rights when giving birth in the UK.https://www.birthrights.org.ukMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is our first listener requested episode. "Joanne" (not her real name) asked us if we could do an episode on trust, after her husband had an affair. Although Joanne asked some specific questions ("how do I get the trust back/is it good to talk about it"), Dr Blumenthal and I discuss this but also what trust is at its core, beyond romantic relationships, what it means to trust, how do we trust, is it necessary to trust someone to love them, and how to get trust back when it's been lost.Dr Blumenthal spoke so eloquently in series 2, on Intimacy, and that is a great companion piece to this one.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a difficult subject, but an important one. I still get letters from people unsure whether they've been the survivor of sexual violence.My guest is Katie Russell, former media officer for Rape Crisis and now CEO of Support After Rape and Sexual Violence Leeds (SARSVL). Katie is a specialist in sexual violence and abuse against women and girls with over 18 years' diverse experience within the Rape Crisis movement and wider voluntary and community sector.In this episode we talk about what rape and sexual assault is, and also address other aspects of sexual violence. We talk about consent, and how it's an active, not a passive act. I.e. just because you didn't say no, it doesn't mean you meant yes.We talk about the trauma response and how that can affect your response to sexual violence, and how this isn't anything you have control over.In an ideal world I'd like everyone over the age of about fourteen to listen to this and really understand what consent is, because without understanding consent you can't be sure you've got it. And if you haven't got consent, you may be committing an act of rape or sexual assault.I talk about organisations and articles in the episode and here are the relevant links:https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/19/are-obedient-children-a-good-thinghttps://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/08/shouldnt-force-child-kiss-grandparent-consent-sex-educationIf you or someone you know has been affected by the subject matter of this episode you can get help and support by putting in the words rape crisis and the county you live in into Google.SARSVL is the organisation mentioned and where Katie works is at.Rape Crisis England and Wales.The 24 hour helpline Katie mentions is on 0808 500 2222.Support for men and boys affected by rape or sexual violence:The legislation we refer to is the 2003 Sexual Offences Act.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What does it mean to belong? What does it feel like? And does it even matter?I started asking myself this a few years ago, possibly because, as a child of immigrants, I wasn't sure I ever felt like I truly, 100%, ever belonged in any one place. But, does anyone?My specialist, for this episode, Mark Vahrmeyer is a UKCP registered integrative psychotherapist who is very psychoanalytically informed. Mark was born in England to a Dutch father and an English mother but moved extensively, as you’ll hear, as a child. He is a third culture kid and we’ll discuss what this means in more detail in the episode.We also look at how important attachment is in determining how much we feel we belong, or don’t. How self esteem also impacts and how very important human connection is to psychologically tether us to a sense of belonging. We also look at why you might feel you don’t belong in the very place you think you might have an automatic right to - your own family.If you’d like to learn more about Mark and his work his website is brightonandhovepsychotherapy.comMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Despite the plethora of information that's now available about sex, across so many mediums, it's still astonishing the misinformation that's spread on sex and the sexual organs. This is likely due to two factors: the adults in children's lives being too embarrassed or falsehoods spread around playgrounds and classrooms by children and young teens who get their 'sex ed' from porn (which doesn't show realistic sex).This is an introduction to sex with sexual and relationship psychotherapist and specialist in sexology, Silva Neves is accredited with COSRT and UKCP. Based on the sort of questions that I get asked such as "does the man have to be on top?". You may be surprised by what you learn however, even about your own body. I learnt something about the clitoris and I speak to sex therapists all the time! Marvel at the stupid questions I ask, so you don't have to.You can learn more about Silva Neves and his work here: https://www.silvaneves.co.uk/A good website aimed at fourteen year olds and up is BishUK.com. If you want to find a sexual and relationship counsellor the website for accredited therapists is cosrt.org.ukRemember, sex you don't consent to, isn't sex. It's rape or sexual assault, or both. https://rapecrisis.org.uk/Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you've even been near a baby, let alone had one, you've probably heard of baby-led weaning, the idea that babies don't need to have puree laden spoons shovelled into their mouths, but are perfectly capable of feeding themselves. Even choosing their own foods from a pre-prepared selection. Gasp.In this episode I talk to Gill Rapley, whom I first met in 2006 but had heard about a bit before then. She didn't invent BLW but she definitely put it on the map and kicked off a lot of research into this subject. She also co-wrote the original, research packed book on the subject (accept no substitute!): Baby-Led Weaning. Gill was a health visitor for 20 years, has been a board certified lactation consultant and is the co-author of five other books including one just published in the UK on an adapted baby led weaning approach for babies with additional challenges and difficulty eating called Your Baby Can Self Feed Too.We talk about what baby led weaning is, what it isn’t, why we may want to rethink spoon feeding, what the research shows and why, anyway, baby’s first piece of cutlery - when he or she is ready to wield their own - should really be a fork and not a spoon. I should add I did spoon/puree feeding with my first and baby led weaning with my second. I’ll talk more about that at the end of the episode.Read more about Gill, her work and her books at: www.rapleyweaning.comIf you'd like to read the article I wrote in 2006 when I first met Gill you can do so here. If you are in need of a board certified lactation consultant go to https://ibclc.co.uk.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You'd be surprised at the number of people who haven't made a Will. Some of them are the lawyers I speak to. I think this is in large part because no-one wants to think about dying even though - spoiler alert - we're all going to. But the sticking point for many parents is thinking of who to appoint as legal guardian.I've chosen the best, most accessible and friendliest lawyer I work with, aka Gary Rycroft, to talk us through this terrifying subject so you know what to think about, how to make a will, what to put in it, how it's never a good idea to cut children out of your will unless you tell them when you're still alive (soooo many problems I get are about this). We also talk about LPAs, trusts and probate.A few links I mention in the podcast:Plan If planif.org.uk The best way to find a solicitor is by word of mouth, and finding someone you feel comfortable talking to. But if you want to look one up go to the Law Society website here.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is not an easy subject, but a necessary one, especially when you hear the statistics on child sexual abuse. Many children don't understand what's happening to them and often can't talk about it until they are way into adult hood and what they perceive to be a 'safe place'. The impact, as we see in this episode, can be life long and pernicious.I talk to consultant psychiatrist in psychotherapy Dr Jo Stubley who leads the adult section of the trauma service at the NHS Tavistock Centre. Jo is a member of the British Psychoanalytic Society and also took part in our trauma episode in series one (do listen to this if you haven't already). We talk about what grooming is, how to look out for it (an abuser grooms not just their victim but often the whole family), how to look out for signs that your child may be experiencing abuse and if you're a survivor of non recent child sexual abuse we hope you can find something in this episode to make you feel less alone.I care about all the CSA letters I get sent but, for the first time ever, I tell my childhood friend's story, which explains why this subject is so close to my heart.Organisations that can help:Napac is the National Association for People Abused in Childhood; it has a helpline (0808 801 0331) and lots of information on its website about how to access support. It’s where I refer all my readers who write in to me who have been affected by any form of non recent child abuse.There's also the NSPCC for help and information and Childline (helpline 0800 1111) for children experiencing any form of abuse.The Lucy Faithfull Foundation is the only UK-wide child protection charity dedicated solely to preventing child sexual abuse, they work with all those affected by abuse, including the abuser and they run the Stop It Now helpline: 0808 1000 9000.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

At some time or other we've probably all wanted, or needed, to motivate our children. But how? It's both harder and easier than you think and nagging doesn't really work in the long term. Tell you what else doesn't work, reward charts. In this episode I talk to child and adolescent psychotherapist and author, Graham Music who explains the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, what children really need and why daydreaming is really good for the soul.You can read more about Graham and his work and books on his website: Nurturing Natures.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever have a nagging voice in your head telling you you're not good enough or could have done something better? You may have an inner critic. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Julia Bueno, author of Everyone's a Critic, How We Can Learn to Be Kind To Ourselves, published by Virago.We discuss where your inner/self critic may have come from, what you can do to neutralise them, and we learn what cheerleaders and see-saws have to do with it.Learn more about Julia, her work and her books at https://www.juliabueno.co.uk/.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How we are in relationships can tell us not only an extraordinary amount about ourselves, but also how we were brought up. Family patterns can be repeated in every relationship we go onto have.Here I talk about to psychoanalytic psychotherapist Susannah Abse who has over thirty years experience in helping couples. Susannah was CEO of the charity, Tavistock Relationships, for ten years. She has also been Chair of the British Psychoanalytic Council, of which she is a member.Her book Tell me the Truth About Love, 13 Tales From the Therapists Couch, came out in Spring 2022.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grief and death are terrifying words for many of us. Of all the emotions, I’ve found, we really try to body swerve grief. But the thing is, grief doesn't go away if you ignore it. You can't cheat grief, so in this episode we try to look it in the face and talk about why it's important to start processing it and how you might go about this.I speak with psychotherapist and bereaved mother Jane Harris. I first met Jane, and her photographer and film-maker husband Jimmy Edmunds, almost ten years ago. Their son, Josh, had died in a road accident in Vietnam two years earlier. He was 22.I'd gone to interview Jane and Jimmy for an article I was writing for the Guardian family section on how to organise a different sort of funeral.Despite their pain, they were so generous and meeting them changed me and my approach to death and grief.Jane and Jimmy created the Good Grief Project, a charity dedicated to creative and active approaches to grief. They run some amazing retreats for the bereaved and have made some wonderful films, and written books. You can read all about them here: www.thegoodgriefproject.co.uk where you can also find links to their films: Beyond Goodbye, Say their Name, and the award winning A Love that Never dies.Their next book, When Words are Not Enough - Creative Approaches to Grief is out in November 2022 with an introduction by our very own Dr Kathryn Mannix who spoke so eloquently on the death episode in Series One.Cruse also provides amazing bereavement support. And for children there's the excellent Winston's Wish.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.