Conversations with Annalisa Barbieri

This was a listener requested topic. Boundaries form the basis of all our relationships, be they with family, work colleagues or romantic partners. Boundaries even matter if you're travelling on public transport! In this episode Armele Philpotts explains how anger is a really useful tool to alert us to a boundary being crossed. How to make boundaries, what they tell us about ourselves, and how to keep them.Armele is a psychotherapist in private practice who specialises in healthy relationships and the effects of trauma. Her website is at: https://apcounselling.wordpress.com/Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I get a lot of problems about adoption, usually, but not always, from the adopters who are struggling but are mired in shame that they cannot cope. Once someone has been through the process of adoption it can be very hard for them to admit they are finding it tough. But in this podcast we also hear from an adoptee, because that's the other side that I hear from (and often a voice which is missing when adoption is discussed). When adoptees write to me, they often talk of constantly looking for something, as if something is missing, or they feel 'unlovable', no matter how much they are in fact loved. In turn they feel they can't talk about this for fear of upsetting their adoptive parents. And there's a narrative that adoptees are 'lucky' and 'chosen' which makes voicing any negative feelings very hard.In this episode I talk to psychotherapist and adoption specialist Alison Roy who once said that parents who adopt children often have a 'three course meal of love prepared for the child, but the child can only handle a teaspoon at a time'. This phrase really resonated with my readers.Alison's book is called A is for Adoption and it's a highly recommended read. She also recommends some other resources:Books:https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/oct/22/top-10-books-about-adoption-chosen-by-adopted-childrenAlison’s book A is For Adoption:https://www.routledge.com/A-for-Adoption-An-Exploration-of-the-Adoption-Experience-for-Families-and/Roy/p/book/9780367439477It Didn't Start With You - Mark WolynnThe Primal Wound - Nancy VerrierWhy love matters by Sue GerhardtThe Red Dust Road by Jackie KayParenting Matters: Parenting a child with difficulties in learning caused by traumaRespark by Dr Graham MusicThe secret garden by Frances Hodgson BurnettHow are you peeling by Saxton FreymannWhy be happy when you could be normal by Jeanette WintersonChildren and young peoplefeeling different - bullying: https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/54964969Books about adoption for children/older childrenThe Unmapped Chronicles and Sky Song - Abi ElphinstoneDragon Rider - Cornelia FunkeThe Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson-BurnettThe Northern Light Trilogy - Philip PullmanThe Polar Bear Explorer’s Club - Alex BellWebsites and useful articlesHow to win an argument with a teenager https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/07/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-teenagerCoram BAAF https://corambaaf.org.ukAdopt UK https://www.adoptionuk.orgMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dementia is a word which we've become increasingly familiar with over the years, but still, understandably, strikes fear in our hearts. In this episode I talk to Julie Green, Dementia UK's Deputy Clinical Lead and an Admiral nurse with thirty years experience caring for the elderly, twelve of them in a dementia specialist role.We talk about the types of dementia, how best to 'be' with someone who has dementia eg: should you enter their world or correct their mistakes?Caring for someone with dementia is isolating and can be soul destroying. Dementia UK has lots of useful information on its website: dementiauk.org and has a great helpline, run by trained Admiral nurses: 0800 888 6678.Julie also recommends two books: Validation: Feil Method by Naomi Feil; and Dementia Reconsidered, Revisited; the person sill comes first by Tom Kitwood.I hope you find this episode supportive and helpful.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How many of us had really good sex education, or anything that goes beyond the mere biological? In this episode I talk to COSRT and UKCP registered Silva Neves about what we wish we’d learnt, how to have ‘The Conversation’ with your children and why it should start probably earlier than you think and around the dinner table. We cover consent, why porn isn’t sex education. We also talk about the fun aspects of sex. Silva's book: Compulsive Sexual Behaviours.Book recommendations:What’s Happening to my Body for Girls or Boys.; Hair in Funny Places.; My Mummy Laid an Egg.Bishuk - for at fourteen year olds and over.If you’re a child and something is happening which is worrying you, Child Line https://www.childline.org.uk tel: 0800 1111.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us: Twitter: @AnnalisaB, Instagram: @pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Anyone who’s had a baby knows that probably the number one question you're asked is: are they sleeping through?Some years ago, whilst researching a piece, I found out that babies aren’t meant to sleep through and there are biological reasons why this is and it blew my mind, given everything I was told at the time was that if my baby didn’t sleep through, I was somehow a failure.Professor James McKenna is biological anthropologist, and a world specialist on baby sleep and we take a deep dive in this episode into what babies need, just why they aren’t meant to sleep through the night, we learn about their sleep cycles and how it’s never wrong to comfort your child. Jim is emeritus professor at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, the director of the mother-baby behavioural sleep laboratory and the dean’s executive professor at Santa Clara university. He joins us from San Francisco and for more information about his work and safe co-sleeping visit https://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us on social media: Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Addiction is a word that’s overused and often misunderstood. In this episode I talk to systemic psychotherapist Rebecca Harris, who is also manager at the National Problem Gambling Clinic, Club Drug Clinic and the National Centre for Gaming Disorders. She works at the Central and North West NHS Foundation Trust in London. We look at what addiction is, what it isn’t, and how to get help if you think you or someone you love has an addiction to drugs, gaming, gambling or alcohol. Some useful links/further reading to look at after you’ve listened:clubdrugclinic.cnwl.nhs.ukThe NHS Gambling clinic - [email protected]  National Gambling Helpline 0808 802 0133National Centre for Gaming Disorders clinic (email: [email protected]).  parentzone.org.uk www.taminggaming.comwww.talktofrank.com The Drug Conversation, How to Talk to your children about drugs by Dr Owen Bowden-Jones is a great resource book about drugs and their effects.Adfam.org.uk Alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk al-anonuk.org.uk mind.org.ukhttps://www.gamcare.org.ukMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us on social media: Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I wanted to call this “how to win an argument” but I realised it’s not all about winning or losing but finding common ground, or ground you can both tolerate to be on. In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Gabrielle Rifkind who is a mediator and conflict resolution expert, having worked in war zones in the Middle East, Asia and Europe.Gabrielle and I talk about how to manage differences between friends and family, how to start the conversation (she shares a brilliant technique), we look at what it’s not always about being right and how words don’t always make it better. Gabrielle was also my very first therapist when I was just out of my teens.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us on social media: Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I get so many problems about this, not just through my column, but in real life. Some people have difficult family members who get more difficult as they get older.Note: this isn’t about dementia this is about trying to navigate the difficulties you may face with an intransigent relative as they get older.Maybe they need some care but won’t acknowledge it, or maybe they’ve become dangerous behind the wheel of a car and should give up driving, but don’t want to. Psychotherapist Chris Mills helps us look at what we can and can’t do, and how to separate out our emotions from the practicalities.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us on social media: Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s only in the last few years that I’ve really looked into intimacy and what it actually, practically, means. A lot of people use it as a by-word for sex but here’s where it gets interesting because intimacy and sex aren’t the same thing. In fact a lot of people use sex to avoid intimacy.Stephen Blumenthal and I discuss what is and isn’t intimacy, how to know if you’ve got it and maybe, how to find it if it’s so far eluded you. Stephen is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst , accredited by the British Psychoanalytic Council. He has specialist expertise in treating people who have problems with relationships and intimacy, difficulty expressing emotions, sex addiction and compulsive use of pornography.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us on social media: Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Blended families, bonus families, step families whatever you call them, joining together two or more families can be tricky. What do you call your “new” mum/dad/sibling, how do you cope with issues that may come up, what’s the delicate line between being accepting and having boundaries?I discuss all this and more - including the positives - with psychotherapist Katherine Walker who is accredited by the UKCP and BACP and whose area of interest is blended families and helping them develop healthy bonds and attachments; so much so that she did an MA on the “psychological impact of being a member of a blended family from the perspective of the stepmother.” Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/ Follow us on social media: Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We are so focused on the parent/child relationship we often overlook the sibling one, even though it is often the longest lasting relationship of our lives and can divulge various insights - if you know what to look for. A good sibling relationship can support and encourage you, a bad one can have profound and long-lasting effects.In this episode I talk to psychotherapist Nicole Addis and we discover how looking at the relationship between you and your siblings - whatever age you are.We also learn how, by looking at your children's sibling relationship it can teach you a lot about how they feel about you; why you should never express having a favourite child and how to foster a good sibling relationship or repair a rupture.This episode concludes Series 1. Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us on social media:Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I used to think of trauma in terms of war and soldiers but actually trauma can affect anyone and impact every day life. Its effects can be felt in the brain and the body.In this episode I talk to Dr Jo Stubley, who leads the adult section of the Trauma Service at the NHS's Tavistock Centre. Find out what trauma and PTSD is and what might make some people more susceptible to it. We also talk about how trauma memories are stored in different way to normal memories and perhaps most important of all, how to recognise trauma and begin to heal.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us on social media:Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We're always told relationships need work, but how do you know when yours is over or does, indeed, need working at? In this episode we look at how a good relationship should make you feel, the signs that it may be beyond repair and how to better communicate your needs. I speak to psychotherapist John Paul Davies, who specialises in relationships.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us:Instagram @pocketannalisaTwitter @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode was a highly personal project, borne out of sitting with my dad as he was dying and realising I didn't know what to expect. I learnt that night that dying is a bit like birth, but in reverse. It's a process. Finding out about death and dying really helped me not only understand what was happening but make some sense of it. Here I speak to palliative care doctor Kathryn Mannix who has witnessed many people dying. If you think this might be scary, trust me it's actually reassuring and strangely calming.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/@pocketannalisaSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The teenage brain goes through incredible changes during adolescence. This not only explains their behaviour but, knowing what these changes are means you can help support them or - if you are the teenager - might help you understand yourself better. Rachel and I chat about what those neurological changes are and how they manifest. I also spoke to some teenagers who give invaluable insights into how to get the best out of them, what they find challenging about adult behaviour and why they always like to start up difficult conversations when you're already busy doing something else.Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriMake a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Insta: @pocketannalisaTwitter: @AnnalisaBSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Listening is a skill not everyone has and yet it's so important to every day relationships - and is at the core of 99% of the problems I hear about. In this episode I talk to Chris Mills, a psychotherapist about how to be a better listener, how to be heard (and learn how I got myself heard as a child in a noisy Italian family) with exercises you can try straight after listening. Make a one off donation: https://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieriWant this podcast ad free? Head over to my Substack page: https://pocketannalisa.substack.com/Follow us @pocketannalisa on Instagram Email your suggestions for future conversation topics to [email protected] this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever wanted X-ray specs into human behaviour? Then this is the podcast for you. Listen to ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist Annalisa Barbieri, as she releases specially recorded conversations between her and the experts she’s consulted over the years, who put a life time’s learning into each conversation. Every week you can learn more about yourself and the people around you. Topics covered in series one include, ‘the art of good listening’, ‘is my relationship over or is this just a blip?’ and, you can learn just why it is that teenagers think you’re always having a go at them.Three series a year (that's what we aim for anyway!). Series 8 launches Autumn 2024. Series 7 out now.Instagram: @pocketannalisaTwitter: @AnnalisaBEmail: [email protected]: patreon.com/annalisabarbieriSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/conversations-with-annalisa-barbieri. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.