Cinephobe

Zach, Amin and Mayes are being relentlessly bullied (by each other), so they've posted an ad in search of a bodyguard. A homeless Owen Wilson comes to the rescue (wow!) to teach a trio of nerds self defense, steal their shit and bang their teacher. Just don't touch the dumpster at Ocean and Wilshire, that's his. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Cinephobe! The jellicle podcast for jellicle podcats you should definitely be afraid to admit you love. Whether you're a washed up glamour cat like Grizabella, or a dissatisfied curious cat like Rum Tum Tugger, join us in a choreographed dance under the jellicle moon and see if you reach the Heavyside Layer. Jellicle. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are reunited with their estranged father just in time for a beautiful waterfront wedding as the Sandler wars rage on. Help yourself to the strip club omelette bar and pull a Bud Heavy out of your loose sock, because Champale is up next and her vagina counts as double. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

News Headline! Cinephobe's finest prosti-dudes are Amsterdam bound for an all you can eat buffet of Portugese Breakfasts and Turkish Snow Cones. Zach, Amin and Mayes had to get 5 different colored tulips, eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe before they could record this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Fresh off a dominant performance in the championship game, Zach, Amin and Mayes find themselves subsumed by recruiters who all want a piece of the latest Cinephobe. Whether playing 3 on 3 football against the cops, or flirting with a young Uma Thurman, one thing's for sure: Johnny Got Game. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Rental Wars wage on as Zach, Amin and Mayes dress up like their favorite 80s character and groove to the J Geils Band (sans J Geils). Bring your survival fanny pack and avoid the frat boys because it's getting rough out here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are frosty and huntin for Deados in this afterlife romp that takes place over the course of 3 or 4 days. Whether your carcass was picked apart by coyotes, or you're trying to reconnect with your French wife while disguised as James Hong, snort a bump of cumin and buckle up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes' minds are like clean, hungry sponges as they strap into the Gyrosphere and overdose on nootropic drugs before projecting this podcast into the mainframe and becoming Cyber Christs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes aren't into reality reality, they're into virtual reality with this 1992 film that's not legally allowed to connect itself to the Stephen King short story. Fill up your gas can and crank up the sexual tension for another epic 2-part Cinephobe spectacular. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are back in the Cage for this nuanced action horror dark comedy that uses its conceit to peel back the layers of being a washed parent in modern society. Whether you get your news from a portable dvd player or prefer concentrated ethological exposition from Dr Oz while you hit the bong, this is the movie for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Breaking up is hard to do, just ask the recently rekindled Cinephobe crew. Zach Harper, Amin Elhassan and Anthony Mayes are a couple of podcasters that don't have a goddamn future, and they're taking over by air, land and sea. Just promise us you're not gonna do anything. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After Amin's dramatic exit from the show, Zach and Mayes pack their bags for the 2001 summer camp comedy cult classic that features horny summer love, lots of unlikely therapy, and all the other quintessential experiences Camp Firewood has to offer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes return to the quarantine zone for the 2013 sci-fi thriller that teaches us important lessons about parenthood and the dangers of environmental exploitation. Make sure you've got your go pro backpack, cutlass and horrific futuristic accent secured for this 100 km podcast journey. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes scour the dark web to find the elusive, offensive "film" crudely assembled from various writers, directors and actors and sewn together like a sketch movie Frankenstein. Stop fingering your iBabe for a minute and listen. (Movies 1-42 are not prerequisite viewing for this podcast) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes suit up and shoot the moon for this 2010 heist movie loaded with emotional baggage. You have to wait at least a year between jobs so the heat cools off, but you don't have to wait more than a week for another spectacular episode of Cinephobe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a trip to CGI city for the 2004 female empowerment saga that put Halle Berry in a leather body suit to find her true calling. Another one name director (Pitof), another Cinephobe classic. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a trip to the moustachery in this 2014 comedy that everyone agrees isn't as good as Blazing Saddles (one of the foremost classic comedies of all time). This movie takes several pages out of Amin's dream journal and if you listen, we'll show you a real dollar bill for the first time in your life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes blast off for the 2002 futuristic moon caper comedy starring Eddie Murphy as a legendary rill hopper. Pluto is just your run of the mill ex con small business owner battling gentrification by local government in bed with corrupt capitalist casinos all while crusading for android rights. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are the only ones that can walk between both worlds and have returned with the scroll of San Venganza to finish off Blackheart and his elemental demons once and for all. Listen closely as Amin's soul gradually leaves his body down the stretch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are back in the Cage yet again having sold their souls for this 2007 film that launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Fill your martini glass with jelly beans and blast the Carpenters, we're jumping five blackhawk helicopters cuz our dad thought it would be cool. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes hit the showers for this 1989 buddy cop classic and are joined by Cinephobe's first guest, Stugotz of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz. We make billion dollar drug busts and margin calls while nattily attired in three piece Armani suits before making a prison break in the pouring rain. Listen to learn why Stugotz has this movie in his top 5 of all time. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are for scuba in this romantic comedy as a risk averse Ben Stiller tackles dating advice, ethnic food, blind ferrets, throw pillows, and horrendous pick up basketball in his pursuit of Jennifer Aniston. Yes, this is the podcast from crocodile tears. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes travel to Columbus, Ohio for a gritty, hard hitting, action movie starring Cinephobe Legend John Travolta. Pitbull's best friend is slamming Cleveland Reserve bourbon, picking up smoking again, getting tattoos, and reconnecting with his old partner to seek vengeance because the bible told him to, or something. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes double dip with another horny 80s teen supernatural comedy. An alleged cult classic (?) that features dick soliloquies, barbershop rap groups, predatory psychics, mysterious disappearances and a little brother with an undiagnosed eating disorder leads to yet another unforgettable podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes throw in the proverbial towel with the horniest Cinephobe movie to date. Jason Bateman's debut comes in a classic coming of age college romp, complete with Trans Am Douchebags, southern temptresses, and flying bowls of pudding. This podcast is a dog. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The movie they didn't want us to see led to the podcast you just can't miss. Zach, Amin and Mayes take a jaunt north of the border to scenic Vancouver, leisurely ride around on motorcycles, take an impromptu trip to the aquarium, and blow up the entire train depot in pursuit of a missing child who holds the key to important nano technology. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes turn in their guns and badges for another odd couple cop comedy that serves as indie darling Kevin Smith's first and only sell out. Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan encounter a mastermind child car thief, a baseball obsessed drug dealer, and a parkour expert who dabbles in tasering, all while suspended, in order to pay for Bruce's daughter's wedding. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes unite to discuss the odd couple partnership between a foul mouthed youth and a piece of Wonderbread in a cop's uniform, but still find plenty of time to tackle important subjects like Octavia Spencer's career and Richard Gere's fertility. (Neither Spencer nor Gere appear in this movie) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes open a time capsule chock full of very specific references from 2003 disguised as a parody film. We tackle semantic arguments, when a reference is just straight up theft, and announce the top 5 worst child actors in Cinephobe history. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes get back in the Cage, quite literally this time, as they take an elusive white jaguar back to America in the hopes of turning it into a house on Pine Lake. Dumb kids, baby monkeys and scurvy engineers might try to stop us, but they'll never take our whiskey and cigars. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are given an idea by Joy Behar to take one week off from their marriage to truly awful movies. They learned club analysis from Coakley, ate Gary's special brownies, and entertained Hog Head's hypotheticals, but in the end they returned to Cinephobe changed men. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes have just been released from prison after 5 years and despite people telling them not to, they just can't help but review this Mark Wahlberg / Peter Berg movie. Spoiler Alert: This movie is set in Boston. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on Cinephile, Adnan revisits the film that finally earned Martin Scorcese his elusive academy award for directing. Does the electric ensemble cast present a strong enough argument to join Marty's Mount Rushmore? You'll have to listen to find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes return to Hong Kong for the thrilling conclusion of Double Impact. That's right, there's two of them, so put down that bottle of whiskey, just chill out and listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are welcomed to Hong Kong with the 1991 action classic starring the Muscles from Brussels himself twin brothers seeking revenge on the men that killed their parents. They have the same accent but one of them only wears pastels and the other never puts out his cigar, so that's how you know they're different. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes navigate the anti liberal mishegas and overt sexuality of this 1990 kids movie smash hit. We discuss little league play by play announcers, the magical talents of John Ritter, and Amin still wants to do Cinephobe on a train. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are going straight...to...the wild wild west to cross dress, engage in racist roast battles, battle enormous mechanical spiders, and save the United States with the 1997 steampunk western. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes get their diamond rhinestone black leather vests out for Hunter Dunbar to autograph in a movie starring John Travolta, who's essentially a Cinephobe co-host at this point, and the film auteur Fred Durst. We've got scooter sequences, homages to Misery and Reservoir Dogs, and one of Amin's best ever connections to a classic film. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes put on John Gotti's old suits, and they can still smell the cologne. This disastrous film starring John Travolta and directed by E from Entourage certainly delivers when it comes to incoherence and Pitbull songs. Travolta is making his case to be the Cinephobe poster boy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes dive back into the Eszterhas universe as a couple of lawyers acting like cops on the hunt for a mysterious killer known only as Jade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes watch a movie selected by the fans in the Discord, and boy was it a mistake to give the people the power. We investigate dinosaur and aviary anatomy, whether the term "soft skin" is racist, and dive deep into the off camera ramifications that caused Oscar winning actress Whoopi Goldberg to appear in this straight to video disaster. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes continue to spiral deeper and deeper into the dregs of Hollywood to discuss the movie that either caused or was caused by the celebrity couple Bennifer (that's Jennifer Lopez not Jennifer Aniston). We speculate on the lives of Nick Saban look-alikes, debate Al Pacino's merits as a yeller, and question what this podcast is even about anymore. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes are just a couple of ghosts, free to podcast about any movie they choose! And they chose the $150 million dollar Michael Bay Netflix epic that starts with a 20 minute car chase sequence. Assemble your team and jet set around the world to get revenge on the made up dictator that ruined your charity photo op. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes travel to the north pole for a holly jolly Christmas edition of Cinephobe. We're repossessing Plasma TVs and buying real estate from Survivor winners in order to reconnect with our estranged family and save Santa's business! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes strap in to the learning machine for one of their worst movies yet. In the year 3000, man-animals last hope is a dreadlocked white man named Jonny Goodboy in the battle against nine foot tall disgusting middle managers on the crap filled factory known as Earth. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes take a jaunt back to the time when Dane Cook was on top of the world, and the world was made up of MySpace and comedy CDs. Based on a short story by a Los Angeles architect, this mystical rom com has a fascination with boobs and unlimited penguins. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes bust out their thickest southern accents for this rare sequel that is better than the original. We discuss elegant handshake techniques, fuck marry kill scenarios, and finally determine whether "Bend her over a barrel and show her the 50 states" is actually a saying. From the stacked cast to the rat-a-tat joke filled banter, this movie is a rollicking good time, even Tony Medley agrees! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach, Amin and Mayes bare it all to discuss the cinematic supernova that is 1995's Showgirls. This movie ruined multiple Hollywood careers, but it becomes the first Cinephobe to earn a sequel. In part 1 of the podcast, the gang crushes on Gina Gershon, worries about James' job security, and Amin reveals something from his past that made him exceedingly prepared to discuss this film. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The movie so jam packed with nudity it needed a whole second episode to cover every nip and snatch. Zach, Amin and Mayes fawn over Gina Gershon, respect honest apologies and tally up the number of times our main character storms out of a scene. Cinephobe is headed straight to the top! We don't need an understudy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Zach and Amin take on the first movie to get a Cinephobe treatment while still in theaters. The Ang Lee directed, Will Smith dual role cloning action thriller is filled with distracting visuals and has been bouncing around Hollywood development hell since 1997. On track to be one of the largest box office flops of the year, this is a podcast you won't want to miss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices