Building a Better Dave

Today I talk about moving home, Health Care, and Honey Boo Boo. Our website is betterdave.com

Today I talk about my wife having a fake heart attack, and how I can't read her mind.

Today I talk about voting and the queasiness it causes, and one of my students who understand American a lot better than I probably do.

Today I address my fake gay voice. OUr website is betterdave.com

Today we talk about how nothing seems to change no matter how much we scream BOO! I also talk about the two weekends I worked ina haunted School House

Today I provide my insights into the observation at the local football game. our website is betterave.com, support the show by going to supportthisshow.com

Ah yes. Therapy. The lovely activity of paying someone insane amounts of money to have them tell you-you suck. You pay someone to basically watch you argue. We did, and at the end, he said, "I don't care if you use me or not, but if you don't change you guys are going to get divorced." He was blunt. He also dropped F-bombs on a regular basis and came across unprofessional. We found a lovely older Christian counselor. We paid her lots of money to listen to us argue. We also got to learn about the counselor's family. Learning about her children, and husband didn't really help my marriage. She had some good advice. But there was a problem. She said we had to work on ourselves. If we were there to fix the other person, it wasn't going to work. What did she know? She wasn't home with me. The nurse is the one who needs the most fixing. Sure, I'm open to learning new stuff. I'm a teacher and feel learning is something we should do every day. I felt a big problem was my wife had issues admitting when she was wrong. Meanwhile, she admitted that about 80% of our marriage problems were related to me. We were like gunslingers ready to draw quickly and start pointing fingers. Anybody see the problem with this? I did an experiment and timed the amount of time I spent on the computer during the week. It was an insane amount. I decided to make plans to cut back. It would be a process. I just couldn't flip a switch, but I needed to cut back on my consulting and make some time for my family. I tried assigning one night of the week to be the "computer night. That didn't work. In general, I am a creative person and ask any songwriter, poet, artist, etc and they will talk about those times when the "Creative juices flow." Ask them about how long it took to do a project, and they won't know. Why? Because we lose track of time. We get wrapped up in the project and get sucked in. This is fine when you're 18 and you end up finishing a song at 3:57 AM. This is not good when you're married with stepchildren who need your time and attention. I needed to keep an eye on the clock. I would say things like, "This will only take 15 minutes," and an hour later still be "almost done." This is something I still struggle today. I started making progress, but we still hadn't really found a way to communicate. The bad news is we both had wrongful impressions of what the other person wanted. Counselor number three was a nice woman who used the Gottman institute process (Check out the Gottman Book). Great stuff. They assigned homework, we were making progress. I had cut back my computer time and started spending more time with the family. We were slowly headed in the right direction, but moving at a snail's pace. Like most couples, we argued about money. It doesn't matter how much you make. It matters how much you spend. Here again, you have someone who grew up poor (me) and someone who didn't. In the transition of trying to manage the finances, I made some mistakes and we ended up bouncing checks. The nurse lost confidence in me as I didn't do things the way she would do them, and things started to separate. Feeling disrespected (as I can be quite good with money), the resentment rose to a new level. Any discussion over this came to no conclusions, no compromises of any value, and the boat that was headed in the right direction began to sink. My marriage had turned into a power struggle. You had to two people who were accustomed to living single, use to doing what they wanted. We were "So in love" we didn't really set any expectations. In regards to being married, we just figured we would figure it out. We had both been married before. This is a bad plan. We no longer saw each other as people of good will. One marriage seminar spoke about making sure your wife felt cherished. I was trying, we both we trying, but failing. Panic started to sink in I believe. That nagging question of, "Did I make a mistake?" started to quietly, softly, appear. The nurse would say something like, "Why don't you just divorce me if I'm so bad." When I told her how upsetting it was to hear the word "Divorce" come out of her mouth. It was NOT an option for me. It has never been, and never will be. I tried to get her to promise not to use it. Reluctantly agreed, but found loopholes by using phrases like, "I've had enough," or "I'm through," "We're done." Sure, she didn't use the word "Divorce," but she might as well. Eventually, it snuck back into her vocabulary. Each time, making me feel less confident in my marriage. She wanted more quality time with me? She wanted me to invest in the marriage. Why put money in a bank that is going out of business? I think we both kind of took on an "I'll change when you change" attitude. Whatever we were doing, it wasn't helping. Being a good husband doesn't mean you act lovingly when she's nice. It means acting lovingly when she's not. Jesus said, turn the other cheek. That will come up again later. I think we both tried at different

It's funny when you have young kids. How do they get your attention when they are hungry? They scream and cry. You can shake keys at them, put on Barney (or whatever the latest kid tv is), bounce them on your knee and NOTHING matters unless you solve their one problem: THEY'RE HUNGRY. This week my father was disgnosed with Colon cancer. It's a scary place to be and a scary situation to live through. The first night in the hospital, my father had gone through a few tests and he thought they had removed his giant tumor. They hadn't. What happened was they did a biopsy, and we needed to wait till the next day to get the results. I had been telling my wife how you can't tell me Dad what to do. At 80 years old he knows everything, and nothing will get in his way. He once walked 3 miles to the grocery store. Luckily a friend saw him at the store and gave him a ride home (he hadn't thought throw how he was going to carry the groceries home). After visiting him at the hospital that first night, we only made it to the parking lot before Dad had removed his IV, and was preparing to "break out" of the hospital. I turned to my wife and said, "Welcome to the world of my Dad." We went back to the hospital, and tried to explain to Dad that there was a tumor still inside him. Thankfully my wife still had her nurses uniform on, and she talked some sense into him. He just wanted to eat. He wanted food, and was not going to stop until he got some. So there I was with the roles reversed, with a better grip on the "big picture" than my Dad did. I was explaining what to do, and why these actions were what was best for him. Much like a teenager, he thinks he knows everything. He goes in for surgery on Tuesday, and the road after that will be long and hard. There is no manual for this (except the bible), and it's going to be tough. No human likes change, and nobody likes getting older, or hearing that they "Can't" do (insert task here) anymore. Luckily my wife has lived through this (she onced worked at a nursing home, and obsviously deals with all sorts of situations being a nurse) so she has already been a huge help, but none the less this role reversal will be like a new pair of shoes. They may fit, but they're not comfortable and will take some breaking in

I spent the weekend with a bunch of Humor Writer at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I had an absolute blast. I sat in on a session or two. One was lead by Jerry Zezima (Columnist and author of the book Leave it to Boomer). I have a new appreciation for authors. I do my little stories with sounds and tone of voice. They have words, and only words. Jerry gave us an exercise to think about "the Wildest Ride I Ever Had." My idea came quickly. I was about and we were at Geauga Lake Amusement park (now closed). There was a big wooden coaster that had been around since the days of Howdy Doody, and you were scared to ride it just by looking at it. Not because it was tall and fast, but because you were pretty sure it was going to collapse. Big Dipper was 65 feet high, 2,680 feet long, and had a top speed of 32 mph. When built in 1927 it was one of the largest roller coasters in America. Click play to hear the rest of the story

I will turn 45 in a little less than two weeks (Feb 8th). I'm starting to feel like Andy Rooney. Looking back at my life here are some thoughts: Every phone had a chord on it. The phone RANG. There were no ring tones. Movies were about $5 and if you didn't see it at the movies you waited till it came on TV. There was no way to rewind or pause. If you had to do something you had to wait until a commercial came on. Cars ran on leaded gasoline. Speaking of Gasoline, the air was dirty and the sex was clean. Well, it wasn't lethal anyway I barely, I mean barely remember black and white TV. Captain Kangaroo was cool. Mr. Rogers was not. Ernie was my favorite muppet, but looking back I wonder if Burt was his "partner." Saturday mornings were spent with Bugs and Friends, and School house rock (educational TV, what a thought). I would have a bowl of Captain Crunch, or Quisp, or Frankenberry. I remember when we left the cool new "video game" PONG on without turning off the TV and it burned the final score into the screen. It was so much cooler than playing pinball. I was the only kid in first grade who knew who Jimi Hendrix was when he died. Nixon was president and Ali was champ, and you could catch "The Johnny Carson show" (as I called it) at 11:30 for a large part of my childhood. In my opinion, Ali is still the champ. I remember listening to top 40 music on AM radio through the one speaker in dash board of my mom's Plymouth duster. None of the words were bleeped out. I remember hooking up a CB radio in my bedroom with the antenna going out the window. On occasion I could talk to my friend at the end of the street. (ancient version of text messaging?). I road my bike everywhere. No hill was too tall. I'm not sure how, but my Mom didn't seem to care that I was gone most of the day. There was no way to reach me. If I was going to be late, I would use a pay phone. I had to be home when the street lights came on. To this day, I never understood how 8-track tape players got popular. They sounded awful, didn't play right, and often fell apart. I still have two containers of 45 records, and over 400 LPs. I haven't listened to a single one in about 4 years. I still have a turn table, but nothing to plug it into (and yet I will not throw them away). I am noticing that more and more of my sentences begin with "these kids of today…" I remember life before Google when everyone had a set of encyclopedias. While I vowed as a child to never grow up to be like my Dad, I hear more and more of his words coming out of my mouth directed at my children. He's kind of cranky and will turn 80 in June. That scares the crap out of me. While I use to be able to get away without wearing my glasses, things are really getting blurry now. The bad news unless I get surgery, my eyesight is only to get worse. That's right: this is as good as its going to get. When I was a kid, if I got pudgy a growth spurt would come along and take of it. I'm still in need of another growth spurt. When I was a kid the word "sucks" was a curse word (it insinuated oral sex). There was no attention deficit, and ADHD, and ADXKYMGT (etc) kids. If you were hyper, you got detentions. If you continued, you got paddled. My ninth grade Algebra teacher flung an eraser at a student who was sleeping in class. There were no guns, no metal detectors, and in general we all attempted to pay attention. When I was in school there was honor roll (GPA 3.5 and above) and Merit Roll (GPA 3.0 – 3.5). Today there is no Merit Roll, and the honor Roll is 3.0 and above. And yet people want to argue about the "dumbing of America." We also kept score. There was a loser and a winner. Both experiences had lessons to be learned. A dirty fight in high school was if someone brought a bat. It only happened once, and we were all so shocked it never happened again. I remember at McDonald's when I graduated from the hamburger, and could actually eat a Big Mac. There were no super sizes. I think there were small and large fries. No one would even think about eating two big macs in one sitting. We would eat McDonald's every Thursday before Mom went bowling. I enjoyed dunking my fries in my milk shake. Today if I eat a big mac, I spend the next hour clearing my throat and feeling awful. There might have been one person who got pregnant (we understood the concept of a condom, and feared disappointing our parents). Now there are day cares at the high schools. Girls are congratulated when they get pregnant at age 16, and told "you're are so lucky." I have seen parenting traded in for friendship. I have also seen children with fewer manners, less respect for adults, and a general shrinking of the time when children are "innocent." My parents dragged me to church. I didn't always want to go, but I'm glad they did. I never would've survived my Mother's Death without my faith. There are no teenagers at my church because the parents want to be "friends" with their kids, and they let them call the shots. I knew all

Today I share a voicemail I got from a friend of mine Fred Castenada. He is a great guy, great entrepreneur, and has tons of experience. Fred is a Vietnam veteran. Now when I say Vietnam I don't mean the fun, wacky Vietnam you see in the movies with guys smoking cigs, and joking around in the jungle. Fred was and is the real deal. Fred was on the very front line, and live to tell when many of his friends did not. Thank you Fred for serving your country. This Thanksgiving maybe we were talking about a new flat screen tv, or a laptop, or other issues that we wanted to fix. Fred's call lets us see that many of the "problems" we face are really just annoyances. We need to remember to count our blessings that we have food, shelter, and most importantly, nobody shooting at us. I was very shaken when I got a call on Tuesday letting me know that a friend of mine (a music promoter) had taken his life. Walt was a Vietnam vet as well. I'm not sure what problems he had that made him lose all hope, but I'm pretty sure they were just very strong annoyances. I just can't stop thinking about how his little girls are dealing with this, and what does a wife say to her children? Sometimes we get confused as to what a problem is, and what is an annoyance. Thanks Fred for sharing, and for reminding us to count our blessings

Today I talk about a lovely trip to Chicago where we stop at a Burger King to get something to drink. When we go back to the to the car only to find our GPS missing. We noticed the homeless guy near my car, and like my GPS he was also gone. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that all homeless people are thieves, and con artists. You should donate to those organizations that help the homeless.This way we know the money is being (hopefully) used for good.

So where have I been? Well I got a job I hated, and now I have a job I love. Then the dog ate a whole box of Trix, and then a WHOLE chocolate cake, and then decided to throw up on the couch. It's been fun. The road to happily ever after has taken a new strange twist. I've had an urge to become a pastor for about 4 years (I occasionally fill in for the pastor), and to make a long story short, when the pastor asked to me to think about becoming an interim pastor I said "yes." This means I get to go back to school to learn how to be a pastor, etc and I will be licensed to preach in my church, eventually Ohio, and from there it's up to me.

Today I talk about the sport of having sex when you have children in the house. I also relive July 1972 when the Stones came to town. I wasn't allowed out because of the hippies. Most people talk about the oldest child having very strict parents, the youngest having it too easy (and getting spoiled) and of course the middle child getting lost in the shuffle. To me none of these apply. The child that has it worst is the child whose bedroom is next to Mom and Dad's. Maybe I'm weird, but when I walk into a room with naked people I typically look down, say "I'm sorry" and leave immediately. I thought this was the standard response for most people. But then again, if you had something very important you might stay to make sure you made your point. Today's show features music from Apa State Mental and the song is "Eaten By Hippes" from the Podsafe Music Network.

Today we finish up with stories from my honeymoon. This time we relive the "relaxing" trip we had riding inner tubes down the little river in Pigeon Forge TN. We had a great time. We have the scars to prove it. We talk about scooter and his death defying dives, taking people out of the river, bees, deathly undertows, all for only $8 for the whole day.

Pancake House Diane (my wife) and I headed off for our honeymoon. Destination Pigeon Forge Tennessee. It was about a 9 hour drive and on the way we listened to the radio, and finally popped in an audio book about making your second marriage work. It helped pass the time, and kept us alert. We got to Tennessee and when we got to Pigeon Forge it looked like a hillbilly version of the Vegas strip. Instead of spectacular hotels, you had a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, followed by, a pancake house. I'm not making this up. In a one mile stretch there were 5 pancake houses. I would also guess that on the other side of the pancake house was a "Barb B Cue" joint and on the other side of the pancake house was a fireworks place. With this in mind, if I ever meet someone with barbecue sauce on his shirt, maple syrup on his chin, and 9 fingers I'm going to guess he is from Pigeon Forge TN. On the other hand the Smokey mountains were breath taking. Seriously. Wow. Luckily Diane said, "We better find the cabin before it gets dark" as I wanted to get something to eat. The map from the cabin people's website said, "do not use mapquest or they will send you on dirt roads." We followed the map and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I mean I know it's a mountain, but the road went almost straight up, and had serious hair pin turns with no guard rail. If you were to slide off the road, you were going straight down. Needless to say this made Diane just a smidge nervous. It had me clutching the wheel with both hands as I would white knuckle it around a corner hoping there was more road under my tires. Our drive was an even steeper climb which was off the previous steep climb road. It also had another turn "blind" turn where you have no idea what you are turning on to. It had rained a bit before we showed up, and in some cases water would come out of the mountain and make the road wet. Kind of an "instant river" right in the road. Consequently, when I went to climb our driveway I spun my tires. Luckily, I made it up on the second attempt. Our log cabin was gorgeous. It had a pool table, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, etc. It just oozed cozy. It also had water pressure that dripped out of the shower. Consequently, we spent a large amount of our first day relaxing in the hot tub waiting for Gomer to show up and fix the water pressure issue. Later that day we decided to go hiking and get up close and personal with Mother Nature. After talking with someone at the visitor center, we decided to go to Laurel Lake Water Fall trail. It was fairly short, paved, and sounded lovely. Now when we thin of bears we think of Yogi, Smokey, the Snuggle bear. All of these are our friends. They are funny, cute, cuddly. However, when we got to the trail, there was a sign that read "Dangers Bears Are Active In This Area Do Not Approach Them. Attacks on Humans Have Occurred inflicting serious injuries and death. Then under that sign was another sign. "DANGER Falling deaths have occurred closely control your children high vertical drop offs ahead and at falls area." Well this adds a new slant to this lovely relaxing hike. Then another thing dawns on us. This is the Smokey Mountains and any travel involves going up. A lot. Like turn the corner and there is another hill. And the sign was right. We had a small path about 5 feet wide (big enough for two people) and on the left we had the cliff of death and to the right we had a mountain that went straight up. Also the only straight road in Pigeon Forge is pancake alley. All other roads and paths curve and curve a lot . So we are hiking up the mountain and many times we are walking around rocks that are 8 to 10 feet tall. So you're thinking if there is a bear on the other side of this rock, um, I'm SCREWED. The level of awareness goes up tremendously when you are thinking "ACTIVE BEAR AREA." Diane and both giggled as we admitted to looking at the path for paw prints. We made it to the falls. They were beautiful. We were amazed at the number of children who were not under control, and figured we would surely meet them at a restaurant later where they could scream bloody murder. Later in the week we went to a little country church where they did church OLD School. I mean singing hymns with no organ out of a hymnal that I'm pretty sure Moses carried down with the 10 commandments. It was one of those fancy hymnals written on paper. But while we were there another couple who were visiting talked about how they too had gone hiking and indeed seen a bear. To this one of the town folk also told us to "Watch out for snakes - Copperheads to be specific." To this Diane announced, "I'm done hiking." I'll have more stories about the honeymoon. It was the best of times it was the not so best of times. I've been telling people it was memorable, and it was. Music: (at the beginning) Bluesgrass Album band the song is "Home Sweet Home.

Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I'm going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I'm "Half way to dead." However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead. Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ended up using it just like the old woman on the commercial. I have it hooked up to the light right next to my bed. Dave turns 45 in a few weeks. Check out what he wants for his birthday

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same. BONUS TOPIC: I also took my fiance's 15-year-old daughter driving for the first time in an abandoned Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her license. 2009 is going to be the year. I'm going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has the potential to be the best year of my life. I'm also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com

Today I talk about me popping the question last week to "The Nurse" and she made me very happy by saying yes. Today I talk about the absolute guys view to engagement ring shopping. There is a strange aerobic dance that women do when they put on a ring. She loves choices. I mean she LOOOOOVVVES choices, and I love that she loves choices. I am a very lucky man. We will be tying the knot on June 20, 2008. Yes I got on one knee. It was nothing too fancy (I had fancier ideas, but if I didn't give her this ring soon, I was going to be in deep trouble). see http://betterdave.com/she-said-yes/ for full notes

This show originates from www.betterdave.com Words are fun. I want to know who gets to decide when a word is officially a word. I was at a Cleveland Indians game and the other team had a guy named Chone Figgins. (his full name is Desmond DeChone Figgins ). Why do we name the first poo of a baby meconium If it's that special why don't we put it in a jar and sell it? Look at meconium fix this broken coffee cup! Look it's strong enough to pull this 18 wheel truck! Likewise why do we need to name certain body parts. Do we really need the word Taint? apparently the Taint used be called the perineum. Was that not good enough? Shouldn't words be taken into committee to see if we really need the word? Be sure to tell your daughters to threaten a "kick to the taint" to pressing males. When they go "a what?" they can then run away. I still hate Elvis. We all know Little Richard was the king of Rock and Roll and the Beatles and Elvis stole it all from him. I still hate Star Trek John Lennon liked words…..and acid, but that's another podcast. Having a bad day? Too hot for you? Go grab a box fan and a towel. I've got the cure. Do you have a cell phone? Don't have time to exercise? Walk and Talk people! Walk and talk took me from a size 8 to a size two! Thank you walk and talk! When I was growing up I used to take a sheet and a box fan and sleep in a blimp. Looking back this is a bad idea. Sounds like a great way to lose a finger.

Normally I don't talk about things that involve other people, but this weekend I attended a great event. I went to a family reunion with the Nurse. I had a phenomenal time. First thing first this family takes the time once a year to get together and catch up. How cool is that? In a day when many people don't get along with their families, this one takes time to come from all over the place to get together. The nurses Mom has an awesome laugh, and she never stopped. It was great. I met an Uncle who is 92, and his legs didn't work very well, and he used a Walker. Was he grumpy? Not at all. He had a smile on his face the entire day. When he got up to leave (getting up was a bit of a struggle) did he complain? Not one word. He loves life. He loves his family. I also met an Uncle who had come in from California. Here was the interesting thing about this guy. He takes family ties very seriously. It sound like he would hunt down a 2nd cousin through marriage twice removed just to say hi. He also was a musician so obviously we started geeking out on music. But the thing that really got me, is how friendly this guy was. And I'm not talking about the plastic kind you get at business parties. When I left, he shook my hand, and I got the felling that if I said "Hey I'm going to be in California for 2 days, can I crash at your crib"; after knowing me for 4 hours he'd would not only say yes, but roll out the red carpet. I remember when I used to teach customer service classes I would explain to people to greet your customers like an old high school buddy that you hadn't seen in years, and this guy had it down, and the key point here is it was genuine. I guess in a world of spoiled rich athletes, crooked politicians, greed, etc It's kind of hard to find someone to say "When I grow I wanna be like him," but after going to this picnic I want to be like these guys.

I lost my cousin Shawn Steinmetz this week. He was 33, and has two very young daughters. It was a freak bike accident. He was here a few weeks ago for my niece's graduation party, and now he's gone. I don't have all the details, and in reality, it doesn't matter. Hug your kids. Call your parents. Love the one your with. Speaking of Love... On the way to Podcamp Ohio the Nurse (my girlfriend) and I drove to Columbus and listened to a book (something like saving your marriage before it even starts). Once again I hear how a man needs to make the woman feel cherished. To do this he has to give up anything she asks for. Then because she loves him, she will give it back. This seems inefficient. Why not just believe me, and we can bypass the giving and giving back. I guess it doesn't work that way. UPDATE Please note: At the end of this podcast I mention how you "have to give up everything." This is NOT what the book states. This is the "warped" version in my head. The bottom line is a relationship is give and take. My whole comment was its funny how you may need to give up something to show a woman that she is special, and important - and then she will give it back (and that this seems like alot of work to end up where you started). Here is the Book Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts

Today I introduce you to my new Great Nephew. He sure is little. It really drove home the point of how absolutely life-changing kids are. I can honestly say that at age 43 I'm glad I don't have this kind of responsibility that is soooo 24/7. I talk about how "The Countess" has made the "Show Choir." This scared me as if she had not made it, I would've been there for the meltdown, and I want the best for all of "The Nurses" kids (and I'm not sure I could take watching the meltdown from the front row). Luckily I got to be part of the celebration. One thing as I "Hang out" with children of all shapes and sizes, I can see where the role of the parent really comes into play. Kids have their own personality. It sure seems like they are preprogrammed to go in a certain direction. It reminds me of "Electric Football." A game my brother and I got for Christmas (pre-Atari). This game had some vibrating device on the bottom and a flat (or supposed to be flat) surface that the players would stand on. You could adjust some stuff on the player, and point them in the direction you wanted to go. You had the perfect plan. Then you would turn on the electricity and half the team would fall over, another 20 percent would go in circles, and many of the players would end up in the corner driving straight into the wall because the surface wasn't flat. As a parent (coach) you picked them back up and pointed them back in the direction you wanted to go, turn on the electricity and hope things turn out for the better. Music "He's My Baby!" from www.donaoxford.com (phenomenal pianist/singer/songwriter). From the Podsafe Music Network at www.podsafemusicnetwork.com

Today's show has the F word it. You've been warned. This is one of the "weird" episodes where I just wonder why things go into my mind at certain times. I happened to notice that Apple Jacks has no mascot while most children's cereals have a mascot (Tony the Tiger, Lucky for Lucky Charms, The rabbit for Trix, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, The Bee for Cheerios). It turns out there IS a mascot that was launched in 2005, but apparently, it never caught on. Does anyone remember Euell Gibbons and his crazy "Eat a pine cone" commercials for Grape Nuts? What marketing person thought this made me want to eat this cereal. Also, did you know there was a fourth Crispy Brother? Roy. (OK, I stole that from David Letterman). NEVER USE THE WORD CLUSTER when talking about food. Brownies are the bastard son of the cake family. If we didn't have the word "muffin" we would all be eating cupcakes for breakfast. Music today by the band Gecko 3 www.gecko3.comfrom the Podsafe Music Network at www.podsafemusicnetwork.com????????

Today I talk about one of my life's most embarrassing moments. I made a huge mistake, and I thought about not talking about it on the show. However, the "teacher" in me took over and I thought "If someone can learn from my mistake, it's worth it." All signs point to me not passing a class this semester. While I've always had good grades, this semester I'm not going to be able to come in at the last minute and save the day. While most politicians don't understand the concept of accepting your responsibility, I'm here to say "no excuses" and say this was ALL MY FAULT. I'm very upset that I somehow lost my mojo, I took on things I shouldn't have, and I should've said NO when I said yes. I kept thinking I would get back to school and get caught up. I wonder if subliminally that when I go so far behind, if I just didn't give up. I think I always could get caught up eventually, and I just flat out ran out of time. I have done nothing but examine this semester over the last few days trying to figure out what went wrong and why. The biggest thing was I needed to print out the syllabus and put it into my calendar so I could keep track of assignments and know when quizzes were scheduled. Who's fault is that? MINE. You might say, "But Dave you're too busy." I need to learn the word "NO" and USE IT. School and graduation is now priority number 1. That will never change. So bad things do happen to Dave Jackson. I'm not a super hero who can save the day. Its one thing to get wounded in battle, and it's another thing shoot yourself in the foot. I don't like to suck. I hate being average, so to FAIL a class makes me want to die. It's like Dave Jackson died. I – David Jackson – don't fail. Well I used to be able to say that. This sucks. If you don't learn the word NO, you will learn it when people say it to you as in "No you can't graduate," and "No, the class is not offered again this year." So now it's about learning from your mistakes (the only thing positive you can do at this point), and take action. I've got a few weeks till Summer session starts. I'm going to come out of the gate like a steamroller from HELL. I know years from now this won't matter, but right now I'm pretty disappointed in myself. The good news is this has awakened the "real" Dave Jackson. He has risen – Halleluiah MUSIC "NO EXCUSES" from the Band Braquet ( www.braquetband.com ) courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network (www.podsafemusicnetwork.com ) buy their CD from CDBaby.com LYRICS - " No excuses for us. Time has come to do what we must." Other Sites Mentioned: www.gaincontrolofyourday.com

Today I tell the story of trying to help my niece as she is in labor. The bad news is Hospitals make me physically sick due to some psychological reason beyond my control. It is very strange as my new great nephew was born on the same day my Mother died 19 years ago (in the same hospital). It made for a day full of many emotions. I also speak about how I regret not asking my Mother to quit smoking more frequently. Quitting smoking is very hard to do. My ex-wife tried every method and the only that worked was the quick key system (when she used it it was called something different). This system slowly weens you off cigarettes using a computer that fits in your hand, You can but it at Amazon.com

I've noticed that when you go to just about ANY restaurant these days, if its someone's birthday they bring the whole kitchen crew out to sing their "Hey It's Your Birthday" song. I've also noticed that after about the 27th time of hearing this song the performance needs some tweaking. I think this whole thing was started by a mexican food chain called Chi Chi's (which went out of business after giving many people food poisoning). THANKS CHI CHI'S! It may be a bit before my next episode. I'm behind in school (been a bad boy) and I need to get caught up. Keep those emails and comments coming! 888-563-3228

So my girlfriend and I listened to the book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venusin the car ride to Dayton Ohio where I was talking to the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I learned some new stuff as did my girlfriend. Men are like rubber bands. They have an intimacy cycle, where they get close, and then snap away. When they stretch as far as they can they will then snap back. If a woman tries to stop them from "stretching" it causes problems. Women are like waves. They go up and down. If you try to stop the natural cycle of women. If you try to stop this cycle, it causes issues as well. So you can see where if a woman is "crashing" and a man is "Stretched out" it could cause a a problem if both parties don't understand that they are just being male/female. I found it interested and it has given "The nurse" and myself some valuable insights. P.S. The song "Rubberband Man" is from The Spinners. Buy it in iTunes using this link or Buy it at Amazon.com P.S. Yes I know there is a typo in the album art. .... sigh....

Today I talk about being in a house that is 75% percent women most of the time (and how it makes toilet paper and endangered species). Also, this week's Cosmopolitan magazine has a headline that says, "Be a genius in bed." (or something like that). I mean sex has been around for a while. Don't you think we've got a pretty good grip on it (no pun intended). Is there really anything 100% new? So I talk about some of the things I expect to see if and when I read a Cosmopolitan magazine.

So my trust went left of center this weekend as I let some small circumstances get the best of me and get "in my head" making me act like someone I don't want to be. I'm not very proud of myself. In the end, my "suspicious" attitude showed "The Nurse" how much I TRULY cared, and that made her happy (not a recommended practice). In the end we put all the cards on the table, and came back with "Relationship 2.0" Its stronger, faster, and built to last. Guys if you find yourself suspicious, its best to get the information directly from the source, instead of finding bits and pieces and trying t connect the dots. MUSIC "I Believe in Us" by Marc Doiron off of the Podsafe Music network (music.podshow.com) Buy his music at cdbaby.com you can also buy the download of the single in itunes

Today we welcome a new listener - and then piss them off. Wonderful. This podcast is kind of "my diary." But not really the truth. You only get MY side of the story so you know there is another two-thirds of the story. So my last podcast where I got to be a "Dad" for a day. It was a joke. It was a strange moment, and a great memory as the "Countess" won her talent show. Well, double agent 0017 somehow accidentally played that episode for THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. NICE. I understand her loyalty, but if she had not shown him, he never would've known. Now we have a lovely bowl of DRAMA STEW. Am I mad? No. I pretty much expected it. Besides, she loves cheese (an inside joke). It's not like we didn't know it was going to "accidentally" get back to him. So why was it such a big deal to be Dad for a day? Because I don't have kids, and won't have any. That door has closed. I spent 10-15 thousand dollars trying to bypass the natural obstacles my ex-wife had. So I understand how children are a gift. They are not things you can buy at Wal Mart. So any time I get a glimpse of what it's like to be "Dad" it's an honor. The other night I was a hero getting printer paper at 10 PM. So while it's fun to play Dad, I will never be. There is no competition. I don't have the right genes, and I lose every time. All the Father's Day cards will go to you. All I can do is love the kids like they are my own, try to guide them to success and to be the best people they can be. So they can avoid any mistakes I've made. It could be worse. I know someone who had a good relationship with their ex until they remarried. Then the new spouse didn't like the kids and made them feel unwelcome in their new home. It put a large strain on the relationship between father and children. I still don't understand it, or my friend. The good news is your ex-wife is dating someone who adores your children, so while others worry at night (my Brother's ex-wife's boyfriends were a treat ) you do not. I am not trying, or can I ever, take your place. On a less dramatic topic, the nurse and I had a great weekend of communication. I had been busting my butt, and it turns out that everything I was doing was appreciated, but not really wanted. It sounds stupid, and it took a while to figure out, and it has left the nurse and me even stronger. Guys don't try to understand the female brain. Women realize guys are knuckleheads. Guys try to do something for your significant other that leaves evidence. Stick a post-it note in their car. Leave a note in their purse (but no snooping). 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Today I talk about how "The Countess" and I performed in a talent show. It was amazing, and I am so proud of her. It was great to make a memory with such a great kid. Then I thought about it. As much as we know parents can influence their kids. Does that mean as adults we influence our parents? I mean who can drive you more nuts than your kids (or your parents). So as much as parent should take advantage of every minute they can spend with their children, are we doing the same thing when our parents are growing older? The one thing I know is I got to make a great memory with a great kid I enjoy watching as she grows into a lovely young lady.

I went to a Casting Crowns show last night. It was amazing. I had never heard of them (I went to see the opening band), and they just blew me away. Check out their latest CD from iTunes and AMAZON.COM I've always thought about sponsoring a kid. In the end, I never did. Well, its time. Sure its not in the budget, but just like having an actual kid, are you ever financially ready for a kid? We get some feedback from some folks about quitting vs making wise decisions. I also talk about some recent shows that I went to, and how they rocked. For more information about Alan Alex go to www.alanalex.com

I'm trying to learn new things as I try to "better" Dave. The one thing I think I stink at is quitting. I've been thinking about quitting things. You can only take so much right? I was watching the movie "Rocky Balboa" (not horrible). There was a great scene in the movie. In the movie, Rocky is talking to his son and says, "It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It's about how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth, but you need to be willing to take the hits." So as I watching the movie, and the exercise equipment I was using broke. I went upstairs to take a shower. They are working on the water system in the neighborhood, and you guessed it - NO WATER. To this I say, Is that all you got life? You think you can get me down? I'm answering the bell. Quitting is not my strong suit, and I'm not going to start now. My biggest problem is I have a woman who loves me too much. Things could be alot worse. The music is from Nelson Bragg www.myspace.com/nelsonbragg from the Podsafe Music Network at music.podshow.com Buy the Rocky Balboa movie at amazon.com by clicking the image to the left.

OK, it's official. I don't understand women. Today I return to one of my favorite topics which is how men and women are so different. Here are some topics: Nails: I don't know a guy who picks a woman based on their nails, but women love to do their nails and comment on other women's nails. Listening: Guys are used to fixing things that are wrong. We are used to taking action. For a guy to listen to 2 minutes of complaints and then do NOTHING and by doing NOTHING something is FIXED. I don't get it, but its true. Cat Fights: Put women in a room and they will scratch each other eyes out. Put guys together and they will work together to find a television set. My School has purchased a new WEBCT program with 30% fewer features. My tuition money at work.

Before we even set foot in Fat Fish Blue in Downtown Cleveland, I knew what to expect. You see a large female soul singer (who happened to be African-American) was going to be on stage. I told the nurse (my girlfriend), "This woman will follow the large soul singer formula and sing about grinding it to a nub. We weren't there 10-15 minutes and she starts a song about "Sleeping with one eye open because her man won't leave her alone." Your honor, I rest my case. I also made up a couple of songs I might expect to hear including, "I think I done broke it off in me..." Now it's just my opinion. These seem like lovely people, but I'm not really into watching a 270+ lb woman grind on stage. It's just not my thing. Speaking of great soul singers, I end the show with a cut from the Podsafe Music Network (music.podshow.com) featuring Shameka Copeland (www.alligatorrecords.com ) "Breakin"

This year it was interesting as the conductor at the High School said "Happy Holidays" and someone from the audience shouted out MERRY CHRISTMAS. The audience laughed. Today we have a very special guest who chimes in with some tips for NEXT year around the holidays (or really ANY day). 1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time. 2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them. 3. Instead of writing George complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be nice hearing from you again. 4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them. 5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her. 6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference. 7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families. 8.. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary - especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name. 9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you. 10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine. Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember: I LOVE YOU, JESUS (author unknown). Music from www.mikeandmike.com used with permission?????

Today I tell the story of Christmas Eve. For a child this was known as "Hours of Torture" followed by some presents. The "finish line" of the waiting for presents was Grandpa (better known as POPO – "poe poe") reading the Christmas story. So when my Grandparents left of to go live with relatives in Texas I had my Grandfather read the Christmas story into a cassette tape. I had lost this tape for years. I really thought I had lost it. So I have received a great present this year by having the voice of my Grandfather back in my life after many years of absence. Welcome to the Podcast POPO. Merry Christmas everyone. Thanks so much for listening.

My Grandfather was one of the first people to have an artificial tree. He had a unique way of decorating it. It sticks in my mind even though it was so many years ago.

Today is Day #9 in the Twelve DAVES of Christmas. Today I talk about how we turned the tables on our parents and had a Surprise for them when they woke up. This is a tradition that would take a horrible turn in the near future (tomorrows show). But it did teach me that it doesn't take much to stand out in a crowd.

Yesterday I talkeds about Surprising your parents on Christmas. As I got older I took this to a new dimented level. I would talk pictures of my parents as they took their first steps out of their bedroom (yes that's really my Dad). Nothing like facing a flashbulb at 6 in the morning.

Welcome to another installment of "The 12 Dave's of Christmas" (#8 for those keeping Track) Today I'm going to do something I've NEVER done in any of my 100s of podcast episodes. I'm going to SING. It's a Christimas song about the true meaning of Chrstmas. It's me, a guitar, and a microphone (and a touch of reverb).

OK, We all have stories of odd gifts. However, looking back these many of my "unique" gifts came from family members who lived out of town and saw me once or twice a year. I could've won an Oscar for my performance "Best Faking of Appreciation" role. MUSICWhat Child is This from Jimmie Bratcher (www.jimmirbratcher.com ) from the Podsafe Music Network (music.podshow.com ) This podcast originates at www.betterdave.com

Welcome to day #6 of the "12 Dave's of Christmas" When Santa's line got too long the genius staff of Chapel Hill Mall in Akron, Ohio decided to invent "Archie" this 3 stories tall snowman to talk to kids (who would then relay all information to Santa). Hmmm... back to the drawing board. Music from Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network at music.podshow.com This show originates from www.betterdave.com

http://www.betterdave.com/ is the home page of the Podcast. Welcome to another installment of "The 12 Dave's of Christmas" I talk about the spooky basement with the hand grenade, the shell, and the doorway to hell. A great place to play on Chrismas day. Music: "what child is this" by Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network (www.jimmiebratcher.com and music.podshow.com )

While my Grandmother was sharp as a tack into her 90's, the woman could not pick out a Christmas tree to save her life. One weekend every year my cousins and I would get together to "Decorate the Christmas Bush." It had old lights, old ornaments, and an old toy soldier that we found to be quite fun. Music "What Child is This" by Jimmie Bratcher from the Podsafe Music Network

Welcome to Building a Better Dave "12 Dave's of Christmas" where today I talk about the joy of waking my parents up when myself (and my brother and sister) had found out that Santa had come! Music "What Child is this" from www.jimmirbratcher.com and the Podsafe Music Network.