Fixing vs. Feeling: How to Get on the Same Team with Elizabeth Ferreira
Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson · Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson
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Show Notes
Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). They talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before real change.
Key Topics:
0:00: Intro
3:40: “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies.
6:03: Socialization and learned coping styles.
9:12: Why conflict happens
14:28: Attunement, then problem-solving.
18:35: How discomfort with emotion shapes communication
30:48: What change looks like in practice.
33:49: Trauma and nervous-system activation
42:32: Helping logical-first people open up emotionally.
46:49: “Do you want empathy or solutions?”
49:03: Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships.
52:30: Recap
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